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From: Fox Cutter <lmb@ieway.com>
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Subject: FUR: AFiW: Fallen Stars
Date: Sat, 23 Apr 2005 16:26:40 -0700
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===================
Not much to say about this, other then to say that we are going to
take a short breather before some new excitement begins.
This story, the whole series, and my other stories, can be found on my
web site.
--Fox Cutter
(Who's a Lion Morph)
Writer of "A Fox in the Works"
http://www.chaos-keep.com/
=====
A Fox in the Works
Fallen Stars
By
Fox Cutter
02/29/2000:
I rolled over, just rising above the edge of sleep, and slid
my arm across the bed. Only empty sheets met my paw. There
was still warmth on the covers, but I was the only one
there.
"Fox?" I asked, my eyes opening a crack as I looked at her
side of the bed. I could see that the covers were pulled
back, but there was no sign of her.
Rubbing my eyes with one paw I pulled myself up into a
sitting position and looked around the room. Fox's robe was
gone from where she had thrown it to the floor and the light
in the bedroom was off.
I slid out of the bed and gave the clock a quick glance,
only to see that it was hours too early to be getting up.
From behind the closed windows I could just see the golden
glow of the rising suns.
I took my robe off the hook on the door and pulled it around
my body and tied the belt. Slowly I opened the door, peeking
out into the hallway and finding no one was waiting. That
was a change that Fox had insisted on when he had gotten
back, that Ravindar and Santhara no longer had to keep watch
over us during the night.
It took me only a few minutes to walk through the house,
starting with the south wing, where Becky's old things were.
When that failed, I checked the north wing, only to find
that it was as empty as ever. I was tempted to check all the
rooms in the house, but I was starting to suspect where she
had gone.
I was pleased to see that I was right when I found that one
of the doors to the attic was unlocked. Hurrying up the
narrow stairway I saw sunlight filtering down from one of
the roof access hatches, and I saw the tuft of a tail
hanging over the edge.
Pulling my robe a bit tighter I climbed up the ladder and
came up behind Fox. She was facing the rising suns, her legs
pulled up to her chest under her robe and her head resting
on her knees. Her ears hung low in her hair and her whole
body seemed to sag.
Without saying a word I sat down next to her and gently
placed my arm over her back. She jumped at the touch, her
head rising a little bit to look at me. We looked at each
other for a few moments before she sighed and dropped her
head.
"I don't watch the sunrise enough," she said after a few
moments of silence.
I nodded my head. "No, we don't," I agreed.
She let out a sigh and closed her eyes.
I ran my fingers through her hair, trying to think of
something I could say. I knew everything that had happened
to her, in great detail. It hadn't come easily. She just
didn't want to talk about it, but eventually she had broken
down, in more ways then one, and told me everything.
My first reaction was the one she had expected, I wanted to
track down the son of a bitch who raped her and drag his
guts across the city. Fox had managed to talk me out of it,
but only by redirecting my anger to someone else.
The Guild has quite a few rapists with contracts on their
heads, now there was one less in the universe.
That wasn't the only issue we had. She had been unable to
shift back to being human... not even a little bit. She had
tried to work with Milgrove, but that hadn't lasted, and she
stopped after a week. Ken had tried to make a new pendant,
but it didn't work. None of it worked, and I think that was
because Fox didn't want it to.
She was broken, and she wasn't healing, not easily. It was
hard for me to watch, and ever harder for me to realize that
there was barely anything I could do to help.
I tried to get her to go to the Temple and talk with the
Priests, but of course she had stubbornly refused to even
consider it.
We had come to a compromise, something that we were both
unhappy with, but that we could both accept. After talking
with our friends, Pope was the one who gave us the name of a
psychologist, and Fox had an appointment with him that
afternoon.
"Why did you come up here? It couldn't be just to watch the
sunrise," I asked her.
She let out a sigh, and turned to look at me with her ice
blue eyes. In the morning light I could see the scar over
here eye, partly hidden under her fur. "I wanted to get out
of the house, and I'd rather be up here than in the tangled
mess of the backyard," she said.
I nodded, looking over my shoulder at the backside of the
house. It was a mess back there-- an overgrown ornamental
garden that had taken over most of the yard. We needed to
get it cleaned up before the kids were old enough to really
play out there.
I pulled her a bit tighter to me, reaching up with my arm to
stroke the fur on her neck. "I love you, Fox. Don't forget
that."
A small purr vibrated through her body, her ears lifting
slightly as the start of a smile fluttered over her face.
"Even if I'm a girl for the rest of my life?" she asked.
"Of course! I love you, not how you look," I told her,
leaning in a bit closer. "And I like some of the extras this
body has," I said as I reached out to fondle one of her
breasts through her robe.
Fox's smile grew as she leaned in and gave me a short kiss.
"I guess if I'm going to be a lesbian, you're the best
choice for that," she told me as she pulled away.
"We'll get you back to yourself, in time," I said.
In the blink of an eye her smile fell from her face and she
turned away from me. "Back to myself? What is myself,
really? What exactly am I? I'm not human, not anymore...
maybe I shouldn't bother with trying to go back to what I
was. I'm closer to what I really am like this than I ever
was as a human."
I let out a soft sigh and hugged her gently. "Love, it's
never been about being a man or a women for you. When I
first meet you, you were asexual. If it hadn't been for the
beard you would have been completely genderless. That's
changed over the years, but in the end you are still you,
regardless of what you look like on the outside."
Fox shook her head. "That's not really helping me, hon," she
said with a little bit of a smile.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that your gender is not
what makes you who you are. It adds to you, but it doesn't
define you. You aren't just a human, or a lioness, or even a
fox... they are all you, and I love them all. Don't let what
happened make you forget who you are, my wife, my husband,
and the person that I love," I told her as I stroked her
neck.
Fox smiled a bit more and nodded her head, not that she
would remember what I told her in only a few hours. She was
in a funk, and I hoped she would find her way out of it
soon.
A few more minutes passed as we watched the twin suns rise
over the distant buildings. Fox took my paw in hers, holding
it tightly as we sat in the quite of the morning.
"He drugged me," she said as she squeezed my paw.
I looked at her in surprise, trying to decide who she was
talking about. "The guard?"
"Graison," she whispered, holding my paw tighter.
I bit my lip, and look intently at her. "When he..." I
started to ask, but the words failed me.
She nodded her head. "When he raped me. It wasn't like this
time, though. I didn't feel so violated back then. He... the
guard just threw me against the wall and took what he wanted
from me, to hell with what I thought. Graison wanted me to
think I was giving myself to him of my own free will."
"I see," I said with a sigh, surprised that she was telling
me at all. Before she had always pushed the subject away,
sometimes violently. Why was she telling this to me now?
Fox sighed and wrapped her arm around me. "It wasn't a fast
thing, I'm not even sure when he first slipped me the drugs.
I think it was the very first night, at the bar... he had
come up and started to talk to me. I think he knew I was a
natural. I wasn't really quiet about it."
I nodded, but said nothing, just listening to her as she
told the story.
"We ran into each other again the next afternoon, and he
pretty quickly took me under his wing... by that night I was
in his bed. He wasn't nice to me, not there... he hurt me...
I think that was sex for him, other people's pain," she
paused and looked down at her feet.
"Some of the things he made me do were.... I wonder why I
didn't get sick from it all. I should of... I probably
should of..." she said, her voice trailing off as she looked
away from me.
I nodded again, and held her paw tighter.
She let out a long sigh and shook her head. "I guess when
you get right down to it, both of the rapes were equally as
bad. I can't really say which one was worse," she said.
"They were both bad, love. You shouldn't compare them," I
told him.
"No one should be raped twice, not even once," Fox said as
she buried her face against her legs. "What have I done to
cause this sort of thing?" she asked.
"You've saved lives, you've solved problems, and generally
tried to be a hero, and succeeded most of the time," I told
her.
She shook her head, "I'm no hero, I'm just a kid screwing
around. I'm damn lucky that this is the worst that has
happened to me. I could have been killed. I would have
died... I should have died," she said with a sigh.
"Except that the Neverending gave you a way to live, and you
took it," I said, and then leaned over to kiss the top of
her head. "You made the right choice."
Fox looked up at me, her ears hanging back along her hair.
"It doesn't feel like the right choice... Now I'm stuck
having do to this mission that they want me to do, whatever
that is. I wish Rebecca had told me something about it. I
fear that she will just show up one day and take me, and you
wouldn't even know it."
I nodded my head, reaching up to run my fingers down the
edge of her ears. "We'll get through it, hon. We will get
through it. Whatever they want you to do, we will both be
there, I promise you that," I said.
"Thank you, love," she said, sliding her legs down onto the
roof and looking out at the rising suns. "It's six in the
morning, or something close to that, and I haven't been to
sleep in four days."
I frowned. This was something I hadn't realized before.
"You're not sleeping again?"
"One of the lovely little quirks of my messed up head," she
replied with a sigh. "I think this is the longest I've been
awake since I adopted Newt." She frowned at the mention of
her late daughter's nickname.
I said nothing. I just wrapped my arms around her and pulled
her into a close hug. She purred softly and turned her head
to nuzzle gently at my neck, her arms slipping around my
body to return the hug.
"Everyone else is going to be up soon, we should head back
into the house," I said after a few moments passed.
Fox nodded and untangled herself from me. "Of course, love,"
she said, and gave me a short kiss. I returned it for a few
moments before we both headed back down to our bedroom.
* * *
Samantha stood with her back against the wall, a cigarette
hanging from her lips as she watched the people swarm around
her. She was impatient. She had been waiting there for
nearly half an hour, and still Mr. Mallory had not shown his
face.
The Market moved around her, some of the people giving her a
wide berth, probably because of the smoke that hung around
her. She was used to it, and in fact enjoyed that she caused
so much annoyance in some people. It was part of the reason
she bothered to smoke, and that she was addicted to them,
but she didn't mind.
Flicking out the stub of her cigarette she pulled a fresh
one from her pack, noting with annoyance that it was also
her last one. She returned the rolled nicotine back to the
package, saving it for later.
"That's a nasty habit," someone said from a few feet away.
She let out a snort. "That's none of your business," she
said as she looked at the man who had spoken to her. He was
impressive, standing out among the other people in the
Market. He was close to seven feet tall, with reptilian-like
skin and a long bobbing neck. His head was smooth, no hair
or ears, and pushed out into a long multi-jointed muzzle.
His hands only had three thick fingers that seemed to be
opposable to each other and his feet were built in the same
manner, but jointed with an ankle and two knees, one in each
direction. Behind him swung a thick and highly mobile tail.
The clothing he wore was loose; a long flowing shirt and
shorts that came to his first knee. Over that he wore a
jacket which fell around his hips.
He looked at her with his flat golden eyes, his stare
unbroken as they flicked over her. "No, it is not," he said
in a deep voice. "You are Ms. St. Clair, I presume?"
"Mr. Mallory?" she asked, looking at the strange man.
He nodded his long neck and moved a few feet closer to the
young human. "I apologize for being late, but I ran into
some trouble with my systems. Some things do not work as
well as I would wish."
"That's what you need me for, isn't it?" she asked.
"Yes, but this is not the place to speak of such things.
Please, come with me to someplace more private," he said.
"Fine, but it better be someplace where we can get something
to eat," she said as she pulled her jacket closer to her,
brushing her hand against the butt of her gun.
Mallory nodded again, "I know a restaurant at the edge of
the Market, the booths there have sound shielding, which
will do for this transaction."
Samantha pushed herself away from the wall and moved to
follow the large man as they walked down the road. He walked
with a wide gait, his hips swinging outwards as he pivoted
on his large feet. They attracted some attention as they
walked, but nothing overly surprising.
"So, what exactly are you?" she asked.
The large man chuckled and clicked his bisected lower jaw.
"That is something that everyone is eager to learn. I am
known as a chordin, and no, I am not 'lifted from the many
common forms that seem to become intelligent. Many people
like to refer to my kind as lizards, or dragons, but I am
neither. I am unique, even in this place."
"How intriguing," she said, her cloth tail starting to sway
at her feet. She cast her eyes over his body admiring how
his muscles moved while he walked. He did have an impressive
build, and she idly wondered what else he could do.
He cocked his head to the side, his eyes moving to look at
her as a smile played over his face. "I see that you do not
find me offensive. Many people do, being as I am so far from
the normal things they expect."
"Sometimes normal can be overly taxing. I like exotic," she
with a smile as they moved down the road.
Mallory clicked his lower jaw as he nodded his long neck. "I
can see that," he replied, his gait changing slightly to add
more twist to his lower legs, his tail swaying in a long arc
as it rose just slightly.
A smile played over her face as she watched him walk, he was
definitely someone she would like to get to know better. Her
eyes traced over the back of his body, admiring the
tightness of his ass beneath his tail.
They keep walking together until they came to a small
restaurant hidden between a pair of clothing shops. Mallory
opened the door for her, and held it as she walked inside.
Samantha couldn't tell what kind of restaurant it was. The
decoration was muted, primarily brown and tan, and booths
filled the floor. A large fish tank dominated one of the
walls with a hundred small fish swimming in the bright
water. It was the only decoration in the room.
Mallory walked across the room and settled down at a booth
near the tank. She sat down across from him, watching his
large eyes as a waiter came and gave them both menus. The
food that was offered was... different than she was used to,
and was mostly made up of what seemed like insects and
worms.
"Um... what do you think I should have?" she asked.
He smiled at her and looked down at his menu. "Perhaps you
should try the Mason Baste. It is pleasant, and the meal is
no longer moving."
She furrowed her eyebrows as she found it on the menu. It
was made up of more of the same type of item that was on the
rest of the menu, but it did mention that it was cooked.
"Why not," she said as she closed the menu after a few
moments of thought.
"Very well," he said and waved the waiter over. He placed
their orders and took a sip of the water the restaurant
provided. "Let's proceed with the business," he said and
opened a small panel at the edge of the table. He toggled a
large button with his thick finger and a soft humming
started to fill the booth.
"So no one can hear us?" she asked as she reached out
towards the edge of the booth. The air was vibrating and
caused her fingertips to tingle.
"That is true," he said.
Samantha nodded and looked back at Mr. Mallory. "Why does a
restaurant like this have privacy screens?"
"The species that normally eats here are rather energetic
with their feeding. The screens are to aid the other
patrons, and the workers here," he explained as he reached
into his jacket and pulled out a small data PADD.
She took it from his large hand and activated the screen,
finding herself looking at a disheveled young human. "Who is
this?" she asked.
"Richard Stanz," he answered as he pulled a second PADD
free. "He is an employ with the Office of Planetary Defense,
and someone I'm concerned about."
A frown played over her face as she looked closer at the
screen. "OPD? Why are you interested in them?"
Mallory nodded his head as he looked at his own PADD. "I
work for the OPD myself, I'm a technician working in charge
of the computer networks in the main offices."
"I see, so this is someone that you're having an argument
with?"
He shook his head. "It's nothing like that. He and I have
never meet each other before. Are you aware of the problems
that the weather grid has been having?"
She frowned again. "I know that when it fails Corban gets
some nasty thunder storms, but I fail to see what that has
to do with this," she said.
"It took me a great deal of time to learn that myself. Every
time the weather grid fails, the defense grids are affected.
They lose ground visibility to the affected areas. As a
secondary effect the networks that I manage become overtaxed
as the system tries to compensate for the data loss. The
last few times this has occurred I have encountered unusual
data traffic leading to Richard's computer system. This
traffic only occurs in this situation, and only to this one
system."
Samantha nodded as she scrolled the information on the PADD.
"This sounds like something for the police, not somebody
like myself," she said.
He nodded his head in return as he tapped his own PADD.
"That was my first choice, but they were unsympathetic to
me. They felt that the information I provided was both
unreliable, and non-informative. They also said that my
evidence couldn't be recreated by their own systems."
"But you still believe that you are right about this?" she
asked, her tail flicking as she leaned a bit closer to look
at him.
"I believe that there is something happing inside the OPD,
and that it leads back to this man. I have learned all I can
about him, but I have found nothing further that is
suspicious, so I felt it was necessary to turn to an expert
in gathering the relevant information," he said as he put
his PADD away.
She smiled at that and set the PADD on the tabletop.
"Exactly how many laws have you broken by telling me these
things?"
"Four, one of which could result in my long-term
incarceration," he replied. "I feel that the risk to myself
is less than the risk that my worries are correct."
"I see," she said as she picked up the PADD again, reading
the data on it for a second time. "So you want me to keep an
eye on this man, to see if he does anything suspicious?"
"Correct," he said, then motioned for their silence as the
waiter approached with their food. He dropped the privacy
screen as the young female kangaroo placed their meals on
the table, and reactivated it as she left.
Samantha looked down at her plate, her stomach twisting as
she saw the odd looking food. It appeared to be no more than
a pile of deep-fried worms on a bed of fine black dirt.
Bracing herself for the worst she picked up her fork and
took a small bite of the food, hoping there was a hospital
nearby if it poisoned her.
She was surprised by the taste, as well as the texture. It
was sweet, with a slight bitterness at the edges of her
tongue. The food itself was crunchy with a soft center that
oozed out when she bit into it. The black that she thought
was dirt, turned out to be something that was sour, which
complemented the rest of the tastes.
"Do you like it?" Mallory asked as he dug his fork into his
own food... which was still moving.
"It's not bad," she answered, taking another bite as she
watched him eat. She was a bit surprised to see the size of
his tongue as it slithered out to wrap around the food,
pulling it back into his muzzle.
With a cough to clear her throat she returned to reading the
PADD, skimming over the data as she continued to eat. It was
a little bit suspicious, but there was nothing that really
stood out to her. It would take a lot of reading between the
lines to find anything really wrong, but there was something
odd about it.
What really got her attention was the personnel file for
Richard. It was damn near perfect and squeaky clean. In fact
it was so clean that it actually stood out to her. It said
he had been working in the OPD for over a decade, but there
wasn't a single comment, pro or con, from any of his
managers.
"Either this guy is the world's greatest bureaucrat, or he's
so mild mannered he doesn't have a pulse," she said between
bites.
"I found that interesting myself," he replied as he finished
the last of his meal.
She nodded as she set her fork down. "All right, I'll take
this job, but it's going to take time. Be glad I'm not
charging by the hour."
"I am glad for that," he said with a smile as he passed over
a second PADD. "This is my account information. You have
permission to take what you need for this job, but I will
want a full accounting of your spending."
She took the PADD and put it into her pocket, along with the
first PADD. "I'll make sure to provide you with the full
records," she said as she started to fish some money out to
pay for the food.
"You have no need to do that, I will pay for the meal," he
said with a smile as he pulled out his credit chit and set
it on the table. The waitress swept by a moment later to
collect it.
"Thank you," Samantha said as she folded her hands and set
them on the surface of the table, her tail wrapping around
her hips. "We should probably meet again soon," she added.
He nodded. "To discuss what you may have uncovered?" he
said.
"Oh, I doubt I will have anything by then, but that won't
exactly be the point," she said with a laugh as she leaned
in a bit closer.
His muzzle spread into a wide smile, the segmented jaw
sliding it wider than it looked like it should have gone. "I
would like that. Say dinner in three days?"
She nodded, "It's a date."
* * *
I closed my office door with more force then I intended to,
nearly slamming it. Once the wood separated myself from
Ravindar I let out a long sigh as I deflated and leaned
against the door.
"I hate psychologists," I said under my breath as I ran my
paw through my hair. Lifting myself from the door I stomped
my way to my desk and sat down behind it. Shuffling through
the piles of folders I tried to get my mind onto my work,
but it keep slipping away.
The trip to Doctor Starker had gone... badly. I was angry,
aggressive and pretty much wasted the whole hour I was with
him. I guess that could be considered normal. I had avoided
shrinks for years because of some bad experiences when I was
younger. They had colored my perception of the whole field
and how I reacted to them.
I never even got to the reason I had gone to see him, but
then I hadn't been able to tell anyone except Oria and Rhea
what exactly happened. Thankfully Samantha had the
intelligence to keep her mouth shut about it, so no one else
knew.
Well, my doctor knew, but I had to at least tell him so he
could check me out. Oriana had insisted, and I knew better
than to argue with her about that.
I focused my eyes and realized that I hadn't really read any
of the pages I had just flipped through. With a sigh I threw
it down on the desk and then put my head in my paws. "I need
to pull myself together," I said as I closed my eyes.
Of course I'd been saying that for three weeks now, but I
still hadn't managed to do it. I wasn't sure if I could
actually do it, at least not without help... help I was
pushing away most of the time.
I just wanted to learn how to shift so I could go back to
being human. At the moment I was limited to my two lioness
forms, nether of which felt like 'me', even though my non-
morphic form had become the 'real' me.
Of course what was the real me? If I couldn't learn how to
change myself, if I was stuck as a female all of my life,
would I be able to accept it? I felt like I could, I wanted
to believe that I could, but I really wasn't sure I could.
I looked up when I heard the office door open, which was a
bit of a surprise to me as I had told Ravindar to keep
everyone out for the time being. I was even less thrilled to
see that it was Milgrove.
"What do you want?" I asked, the words coming out sharper
than I had intended them to be.
"To talk to you," sie said as sie took a seat on the other
side of the desk. "I haven't seen you all week, and I was
starting to worry about you."
I let out a sigh as I tapped my fingers on the desk. "I've
just... not been up to failing at this again," I said.
The squirrel let out a long sigh as sie gave me an intent
look. "So you're not even going to try?" sie asked as sie
crossed hir arms over hir chest.
"What's the point, if I'm just going to fail at it?" I
grumbled as I picked up a folder and started to flip through
the papers inside. I hoped sie would get the message that I
wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.
Instead sie reached over the desk and took the folder out of
my paws. "Fox, the only reason you are failing is because
you _want_ to fail."
I snapped my head up and glared at her, a low growl starting
to build in the back of my throat. "What do you mean by
that?" I demanded.
"Exactly what I said. On some level you want to fail, you
want to stay like this," sie said with a wave of hir paw. "I
don't know why, maybe you feel like you're punishing
yourself, but the only way your powers would stop working in
their entirety is if you don't want them to work."
I looked at her for a few seconds then looked back down at
the desk. "I think you should go," I said.
Milgrove laughed. "I'm not going to leave! It took me ten
minutes to talk Ravindar into letting me in here, I'm not
going to walk away now."
"Your concern is noted," I said as I picked up another
folder. I was stopped by Mil's paw as it slammed down on top
of it.
"Look at me, Fox," sie said.
I let out a long sigh and let go of the folder and leaned
back in my chair. "There's nothing you can do, Milgrove," I
told hir.
"I can see that something very bad has happened to you, and
you are trying to hide yourself from it," sie said as sie
leaned over the top of the desk. "I know you, Fox, and
you're stronger than this. Whatever you look like on the
outside, whatever damage has been done to your body, your
soul has not changed."
Letting out a snort I shook my head. "My soul, if it
actually did exist, is just as fucked up as I am," I
snapped.
The hermaphrodite squirrel-morph let out a short laugh and
shook hir head. "At least you admit it. That's a start. Fox,
your powers are yours to control. We both know that you can
use them to some extent. If you've lost them completely it's
because of something inside of you, and nothing I can teach
you will work around it. You are like this because on some
level you want to stay like this."
"So it's all in my head," I said.
Sie nodded.
I gave hir a forced smile. "That's good to know, now get out
of my office," I ordered.
Hir face twisted for a moment, different emotions running
over hir muzzle before sie settled on a mix of anger and
pity. "Just remember you have friends, and we all want to
help you. Just don't shut us out," sie said as sie turned
and went out of the office.
I watched hir back as sie started to closed the office door.
"Wait," I called to hir.
Milgrove turned back around, looking at me with narrowed
eyes.
I shifted uncomfortable under hir gaze. "Thank you for
coming to see me," I said, and actually meant it.
Sie smiled slightly and nodded hir head, "Will I see you
tomorrow, for your next lesson?"
I paused and bit my lip as my tail twisted around the base
of my chair. "We'll see," I told hir.
"Don't wait too long, I can't keep everything on hold for
you," sie told me as sie left the room.
Letting out a long sigh I stood up from my desk and started
to pace around the room, my paws clasped behind my back as
my tail swept over the wood floor. I couldn't help but think
about what sie had told me, and wonder if sie was right.
How ironic that one five minute chewing out by a friend of
mine provided more to work with than the hour I spent with
the professional head shrink.
I walked around the room, my mind racing as I thought about
everything that had happened in the last month. Was Milgrove
right? vas I actually doing this to myself? Did some part of
me want to stay this way as punishment for what happened to
me... for what was done to me?
For what I felt like I had caused?
That was really what it came down to wasn't it? Why did some
part of me think that it was my fault I had been raped? It
was and it wasn't... it wasn't because I was captured and
forced, it was because I had made the decision to go there
in the first place. I had decided to let Ravindar go off
alone and to leave myself in the care of someone I didn't
know and shouldn't have trusted.
Yes, it was fair to say that I was blaming myself for what
had happened.
I sat down on the edge of my desk and looked down at my
paws, staring at the tan fur that covered them and the rest
of my body. I flexed my fingers a bit, watching the muscles
and tendons move under the skin.
There was no way I could deny how I was feeling... but
punishing myself? I didn't know if that was true. I did
know, or at least believed, that Milgrove was right, and I
was doing this to myself.
Clenching my fingers tightly against my palms I closed my
eyes and let out a long sigh. I knew more know than I had
that morning... about myself, about how I felt. I had been
broken, and right then and there I was the only one who
could put myself back together again.
No! That wasn't true! That was the furthest thing from the
truth. I was not the _only_ one! Oria was there, and Rhea,
and the rest of my friends and family. They were all there
to help me, and with their help I could heal.
Letting my eyes flutter open I smiled, really smiled, for
the first time in a fortnight as I saw that my paws had
changed back into my human hands. It only lasted for a
minute before the fur slid back and the paws returned.
I let out a soft laugh as I rubbed my forehead, feeling the
pain of the headache start to rush through my skull. It was
a start, it was only a start, but after a month of standing
still I was finally moving again. It was then that I knew
everything would eventually turn out alright.
-----
This story is copyright 2005 by Fox Cutter. Hardcopy
reprints limited to one per person, all other rights
reserved. This story may not be distributed for a fee except
by permission of the author, and this copyright notice may
not be removed. 'Milgrove' is copyright 2005 by J. 'Packrat'
McCoy, and is used with permission.