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From: frank_fowlkes@yahoo.com
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Subject: Re: Marry me
Date: Wed, 18 Feb 2004 12:58:00 -0800
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===================

frank_fowlkes@yahoo.com (Bum) wrote in message news:<e67cba1.0402171716.70d41703@posting.google.com>...
> 7.4
> 
> 
> 
> 
>                       Marry me  
> 
>                          by 
> 
>                  Frank Greene Fowlkes
> 
> A stumpy looking man entered the tent, looked around to see if anyone
> was there to greet him, there wasn't, and, walking in the mess table's
> direction, thought about calling out names but decided against it for
> some of these brave men will not receive any letters tonight, or, for
> that matter, the hard nights to come; he threw the thin stack of
> letters on to the mess table and quickly exited with head bent low.
> 
> A couple of the young soldiers rushed up with rapid shallow breaths,
> and finding their letter/s, quickly retreated back to their bunks with
> relief.
> 
> Some of the unfortunate men did not even brother going up to the
> mess table less they be humiliated by not finding anything but one of
> those bulk letters sent out by some of those local no-war charitable
> organizations--letters stamped with "we're doing everything possible
> to stop the war, and, hey, by the way, everyone back home appreciates
> what you're doing; we'll save you some; we all love you. Hang in
> there, we'll get you home soon; PEACE!"
> 
> A strange, small, lot of the older, hardened, men were neither
> expecting nor hoping for any letters, for those insincere days were
> over as far as they were concerned; they had a war to win; they didn't
> need know what many were supposable doing for the war, for the world;
> they knew more likely they were doing it for themselves, for their
> life, for their future. They smoked quietly in the dark, waiting for
> the table to clear.
> 
> One by one the letters disappeared until there was only one. And there
> under the diesel powered light and the haze of cigarette smoke, the
> letter held fast until, like a summating forest fire, it could no
> longer be ignored.
> 
> "Hey, Bitchmule, you gonna get that letter or am I gonna have to 
> lose it for you; we got a game of Hearts to play," one of the men
> yelled.
> 
> "Gimme that!"
> 
> "Join the club."
> 
> "Fuck you!"
> 
> The men laughed. 
> 
> Case looked at the letter as he walked back to his bunk.
> 
> The letter was postmarked July 16, 1970, Detroit, MI.
> 
> Case thought to himself, it's November. 
> 
> He sat on his bunk and stared at the postmark. He silently thought to
> himself, rehearsed many times alone, I know her answer; it was unfair
> of me to ask; I should throw the letter away; I have to keep my mind
> strait for my buddies; we have a war to win; we have to get back home
> alive.
> 
> Scott walked passed several empty bunks and halted at the corner of
> Case's unmade bed.
> 
> "Hey, Case, we need one more for Hearts. You want to play?
> 
> Case looked up.
> 
> "Uh, not right now."
> 
> Case motioned to the letter. 
> 
> Standing there and unable to do nothing more, Scott looked at Case
> until the silence became unbearable. He smiled. Scott and Gab
> intercepted the letter one morning and kept it from Case, not because
> it was anything new, people fuck the best available, and Case was far
> from being the best, much less to wait for, but because maybe it would
> be too much for the kid, with him listening in on the men when they
> played Hearts, and his consequent nightmares. And so, they kept the
> letter, and would of kept it until Case's last day but Larry persuaded
> Scott to give him the letter tonight, Larry had a bad feeling about
> tonight, and if the boy was going to die, other side of the world,
> green and dark, blood staining the black earth, let him die with a
> little of their truth. 
> 
> "Ok. maybe later, eh?"
> 
> "Oh, Hell yeah!"
> 
> Case followed the slightly older man with his eyes. The man scared
> him, scared him a little because of the rumors, strange rumors that
> made him aware of his breathing. One of the boys told him one night,
> about a year back, at the same time when some innocent villagers were
> killed, that he heard about the special mission that caused their
> deaths from one of the recon villagers, and decided to confront the
> four men. One of the men asked him what he wanted to know, and without
> waiting for his reply told him: they went to arrest a suspect guerilla
> leader; he was with his family chatting and eating rice when we came;
> we had him surrounded, and he knew, we too, that he had special
> information and wasn't planning to be taken alive, i.e., he was going
> to sacrifice himself for the cause, but you could tell something
> wasn't right; he was too close to his family, and if he wasn't
> planning to be taken alive then he would have to fight, putting his
> wife and their kid at risk; it was dark, and the fire just made
> matters worse; then the man moved quickly, and Larry opened up, then
> Gab, then the rest of us; we searched the place later, only finding
> some wet papers he was supposed to deliver somewhere, a map, and
> a plastic doll, and then we left but not before we searched him--he
> had a grenade; maybe we should have let him rush one of the boys,
> distancing himself from his family so he could blow himself up but to
> have allowed that would have allowed him to get closer to one of us,
> maybe are lives aren't as important; but don't worry soldier, Case
> would wonder about this the most before Gab's death, and the guy who
> told him the rumor couldn't explain it either, but now understood a
> little of it, we hear the guy has about nine other brothers and
> sisters, not to mention his other kid and woman, about 20 clicks north
> of Pao; he went to his grave well knowing he's still alive.
> 
> Scott talked to the other men at the table, and they all
> turned and looked in his direction for a moment, then they all
> rose, and soon they all disappeared from the light.
> 
> Case looked at the empty bunks to his right, Sam, Joey, Gram, and
> thought, I have to read her letter; I may not comeback from the war,
> many won't; I have to know her answer even if it means dying with it
> here.
> 
> He closed his eyes and felt the letter's edges. 
> 
> Why had the letter taken so long to get here; what was the agency
> trying to protect him from, Case thought.
> 
> Deep down inside he knew why, maybe Scott was right, maybe they
> thought he wouldn't be around much longer.
> 
> He looked again at her handwriting on the envelope and knew it had
> changed. It looked like some of the handwriting on those charitable
> letters, stamped in bulk, all alike, and only a blank line for a
> temporary name.
> 
> Case looked up startled. He heard some racket coming from a dark
> corner of the tent. Two figures were slugging it out.
> 
> "The cigarettes are mine, you fucking sneak," one of them yelled. 
> 
> One of the men threw a right, and, simultaneously, a head snapped back
> and a scream radiated throughout the tent.
> 
> The men around them began to cheer. Case stood up and saw Larry
> standing over the man.
> 
> Towering over the shrieking man, Larry lit a cigarette and
> said, "don't think I haven't been watching you, plotting, don't think
> I'll turn away; don't start thinking I'll ignore what you're doing;
> don't fucking push me; we'll make a point none of you will like."
> 
> A couple more shrieks broke, and, then, all was silent.
> 
> Case saw some of the cheering men grow silent, confused faces looking
> at each other. Case shrugged and sat back down on his bunk.
> 
> Another surprised and befallen suitor, Case thought to himself as he
> reclined back on his bunk. He heard one of those men use that phrase
> one night. He ask Scott later that night, bombs raining down, some
> screams heard, rain, what the man meant by the phrase. Scott only told
> him, bend, snap, with help, but usually by themselves.
> 
> And so, with one or two distant explosions being heard, and a couple
> of the boys laughing and cursing, the letter lay in his trembling
> hands.
> 
> "Fuck it; I'm opening it."
> 
> And there, in the dim lit, current less, damp, tent, the letter was
> open.
> 
> 
> ***********************************************************************
> Dear Case                                          so I 
> 
> 
> hope you are doing well and...    Did you ...  your sis is 
> getting
> 
>                                   over            
> 
>                  been over
>                                    a year now
> 
> you know
> 
>    she meet someone new down at the plant. . .
> 
> good but     one day
> 
> ***********************************************************************
> Case pulled out a smoke, lit the wrong end, and cursed.
> ***********************************************************************
> 
>                      I meet some new friends
> 
>  haven't told 
>  
>                                          you about...
> 
> ***********************************************************************
> "You've meet some new friends," Case said out loud.
> ***********************************************************************
> ...there against the war because...     they want me to go to
> 
>                                 California;
> they
> know this...                      I'm sorry Case I 
>                                 can't marry you; 
>                                 
>                                 
>                               something has come up I
> will always love and support you?      I just can't support the 
> war, 
> 
>                        some things here are just more important
> 
> I just
> 
> can't bear to lose any of my new
> friends;                                    they mean so
>                                    
> 
>     much to me
> 
> ***********************************************************************
> Case put down the letter and looked up. He breathed out, and, as the
> smoke was whirling away, he saw himself with some of those dead to be
> men whose hard labor will be reaped by others faraway chanting
> "peace," and although they choose not to see it that way, Gab told him
> once, they benefit nonetheless. Case, beside himself, was beginning to
> know, after all this time here, listening to the men talk, and making
> sense out of his nightmare, it wasn't a gender issue, it was man,
> woman, and child---what bloody person wouldn't want a better and
> easier life; who wouldn't want to live forever; what two beasts in a
> cage wouldn't fuck. Case read the rest of the letter.
> ***********************************************************************
> you changed I can't even understand 
> some of the                            letters you send
> 
> me...
>               dark...              you scare...
> 
>                you are changing
> 
> ***********************************************************************
> "You mean don't care to understand, bitch," Case said, angrily. 
> ***********************************************************************
> Case you remember that talk we had before you left   
>    
>                   Under the black tree
> dead grass
> 
> sorry I think
> we
>                                       should go our separate 
> ways
>     
>            you have nothing to offer me in our 
>                               
>                         new world 
> ***********************************************************************
> I should have got the bitch pregnant when I had the chance; no, that
> would have never happened, Case thought, she was starting college and
> way too smart to let that mistake happen.
> ***********************************************************************
> I wish you well with your life 
>                                          if you ever
>                 get back.
> ***********************************************************************
> "I'll kill them," Case said quietly. 
> ***********************************************************************
>                     love, ya, 
> 
>              the war is over, 
> 
>                           PEACE!
> ***********************************************************************
> Case lowered the twisted and crumbled letter and visualized those
> beloved long haired men and the women who love them pouncing around,
> in ever so widening circles, with their little slogans held up high,
> naked and proud. He thought, maybe Gab was right, he was their little
> Bitchmule; their kind is always cutting back military research,
> maintenance, letting more and more of their personal interests into
> the affairs of the fighting men, giving our war veterans scraps, and
> preventing us from winning the war once and for all. Case stared at
> the letter again. Maybe I should read it again, Case thought, read it
> the way I was supposed to read it, the way everyone else would have
> read it---anybody else would have read the letter different, wouldn't
> have read it the way Case, or those men, read it, but this isn't about
> them, their world, their truth, their letters, but it doesn't fucking
> matter, she said no, doesn't matter how she said it, or how I heard
> it, it's all the same.
> 
> Case wanted to close his eyes and sleep but sat up instead. "Win the
> war, alone, once and for all." Case took a deep breath. "Win the war
> once and for all."
> 
> Case put the letter back into its envelope. He then thought about
> writing back, she at least deserved that, to know he was still alive,
> and ok with her, ok with himself, ok with life, but he didn't want to
> write for her any more, i.e., contribute to her life, her image, her
> future anymore, so he decided not to reply, at least not now, not
> this way. He was dumped, dumped on the side of the road, and there
> was nothing he could do to change that but write something to make her
> feel pity now, and later, when grey and old, and needing to find
> something to keep her mind occupied when not with her grandchildren
> and their future, some guilt. He didn't need that, pity or guilt; he
> needed her; he needed a reason to kill, to live, and now he didn't
> have anything but a letter and some thoughts. They will find a way to
> use you, to explain, to manipulate, you away, Case remembered the man
> he hated the most saying to Larry one night, there will be no
> apologizes, or second chances, to anyone, not to the dead, not to the
> wronged, not to the marginalized living; in their new world, power and
> life goes to the strong, to the wise, but this Case did feel despite
> that, he wasn't going to be one of their props, to be remember one
> night when there's nothing to talk about, to claim to have known and
> now speak for when there is no longer a trace of his existence, to
> have  claimed to have always supported; he would get back alive, get a
> second chance, back home, catch up, new job, another girl, far away
> from this place, far away from these men, far from the nightmare. Case
> looked at the table, some cards scattered over its surface. Case
> sighed--maybe he was just another prop for someone else's life,
> looking then at the seat Gab uses to sit at.
> 
> Case remembered Gab's last words to him. "Be right back. Save
> me one of those cookies your Mom sends you." He missed Gab. He would
> dream of Gab now, sitting around a fire with other men talking about
> the best way to win the war. Case reached under his bunk and pulled
> out a box with some of his mom's cookies inside. He looked in,
> nothing.
> 
> "Fuckers!"
> 
> Some of the soldiers looked at him. Case twisted his face. Case then
> stood up and walked outside. He looked around for a place he could be
> alone, all the usual places where already taken. He settled on
> crawling into a light depression in the ground twenty or thirty meters
> south from the tent, Airborne digging it for cover after one of the
> first jumps to secure the territory.
> 
> Case turned on his side. He was wishing he was never born. 
> Case was remembering some of the conversations he and the men had at
> night while he watched them play Hearts. A lot of it didn't make sense
> but one conversation in particular hurt, the men asked him about his
> life back home. They all stared at him as he talked about his life,
> Case leaving out most of it out because of not being able translate
> feelings and ideas into words. He loved his parents even though they
> were separated. He knew their reasons for separating were a little
> true but he also knew now that Gabriel's reasons was little true too.
> Case was a little shocked when he heard Gabriel speak about his
> parents, never turning, and always keeping eye contact, because, one,
> he didn't know a thing about his parents, their life, his life, but,
> later he understood a little why he said what he said---we're in a
> fucking war, and don't you ever forget that, and, two, he never heard
> anyone talk that way, not back home, not in the movies, not in 
> any book. He thought of her; thought of the letter again. 
> 
> She supported the war once; she supported him for the first ten
> months. She wanted him to win, to come back, but there were other men,
> other truths, and she learned maybe he wasn't supposed to come back,
> maybe there wasn't a war to win, maybe the war would be won here, with
> them, not on the other side of the world, not with Case, not with the
> other men there, not with the men in his nightmare, not with the four
> men playing Hearts. She wanted the right baby, the right life; she
> wanted their baby not Case's.
> 
> He then thought about Gabriel, dead, ambushed about a two
> weeks back, seventy clicks south of here. And, funny thing, Gabriel
> was always too careful to avoid bait, props, and a play, he knew what
> part they always wanted him to play, dead and triumphant over, but
> sometimes you can't avoid where you have to go in life, who you meet,
> and so they killed him, right, he looking mad, wrong and themselves
> looking like heroes. He heard Gabriel put up a good fight but it
> wasn't enough he was still defeated dead, not to imply that he was
> defeated with any treachery, it was a fair fight, just maybe the stage
> was wrong, the audience and cast wrong, or maybe it was just something
> he ate. They all trampled on him after he fell, even the village's
> women and children, even the fat woman who tried to be his friend once
> but couldn't because of a hate---a strange hate, some deep personal
> hatred that could never surface, never leave the black smoldering
> fire, that she didn't care to share, didn't care to share and help
> him. Gabriel saw their anger, and as he lay there dying and hearing
> their anger turn to laughter his last thoughts were they would just
> have to wait to see his anger.
> 
> Case thought about his own life here, knife, bullet, and imagined it
> soon dead too. He imagined her, now an old woman, surrounded by her
> grandchildren, and telling them a story, the story on how the war
> finally was won: pointing to herself, her husband, and then pointing
> to all of her children.
> 
> He closed his eyes, remembering Gab, the men, and the Heart's game,
> lantern on top of the blanket.
> 
> "He fucked wrong." 
> 
> Case looked at the other men expecting them to smile, he not all in on
> the joke.
> 
> "Or maybe she did."
> 
> Case was silent. 
> 
> "He still has some life left, and he sure wasn't
> going to waste it with the woman and their kid."
> 
> Case shifted his weight and looked at the other men expecting a clue.
> 
> Then one of the other men said, he was going to live, and maybe, he
> would find the right woman, fuck right, and raise, their baby. . .
> 
> "His new and improved self," one of the other men interrupted.  
> 
> ". . . swell; and besides, she was lucky enough to have fucked 
> him and have the chance to have his kid, or really her new and
> improved self, and have at least a chance to live forever, she sure
> couldn't have done any better."
> 
> Case's face was red. 
> 
> "When you have more then one, i.e., new and improved selves, more of a
> chance to live forever, uh, Case?"
> 
> The men laughed. 
> 
> "Hell, you can even sacrifice a couple of them, the one that are
> lesser than the others. They do it all the time. And those sacrificed
> ones are quite willing to be scarified, papa and momma should live
> forever, even if it means they be the ones sacrificed, or they
> sacrifice someone else, kill someone else, that's in the way, to make
> that possible."
> 
> Case was beside himself, his fist clenched. "You don't know my
> parents, my brother and sisters, assholes."
> 
> The men laughed. 
> 
> "So what are their reasons, for separation?"
> 
> Case was silent. "They didn't love each other anymore."
> 
> "And what about for breeding?"
> 
> "Love."
> 
> The men grew quite. Scott lit a cigarette. Larry started looking
> around the tent, scratching his head at the same time.
> 
> "It's cool, man, love, whatever."
> 
> Case looked at Gabriel.
> 
> "War's ending, Case, good chance your love will win."
> 
> Case shook his head. "What the fuck are you talking about, man?"
> 
> "Nothing, Case, just talking shit, just pushing buttons to see what
> you spit out, in your case, love."
> 
> Larry raised up his hand above his head, peace sign. 
> 
> Case didn't know what else to say so he just left and went to sleep on
> his bunk.
> 
> Case opened up his eyes. He stared at the top of the black grass
> ripple, flash, rip, flash, rip.
> 
> ***********************************************************************
> OUR NEW WORLD
> **********************************************************************
> Rip.
> **********************************************************************
> I can't marry you. 
> *****************************************************************
> Flash.
> ******************************************************************  
> You won't be a part of our new world. 
> *****************************************************************   
> Rip.
> ******************************************************************* 
> Love ya,                  PEACE
> *******************************************************************
> 
> Case felt the rage swell, and the following broke from his lips
> silently, "Your lovely new world, dear; we'll see about that."
> But as soon as the rage swelled, it died. 
> 
> Case took a deep breath and remembered the man he hated the most
> saying to Gab while Larry was looking at a porno magazine, sometimes
> writing numbers and dollar signs onto one of the naked woman's
> breasts, "those hippie's self-interests are going to get in the way of
> our research, maintenance, and the advancement of winning the war once
> and for all; they will not put down our mission or our lives; this war
> will be won." Case then thought about Larry's reply: this war has to
> be fucking won, if it isn't fucking won, doesn't stop other wars from
> happening, what the fuck I'm I doing here, what the fuck are these men
> doing here, dying for what;" Larry paused, then continued, "maybe the
> war isn't supposed to be won here; maybe the real fight isn't here;
> maybe the war will be won by those back home; maybe our lives never
> mattered to begin with but to make sure those back home continue to
> win the real war." Larry handed Case the magazine.
> 
> 
> 
> Case was beginning to suspected the reason was simple, inescapable 
> almost---after some booze, some slogans, cool groovy music, drugs, and
> some fucks, the real winners will all be off to make sure they'll live
> forever, putting themselves, their interests, first, and forever in
> the center, and who wouldn't be, the losers, the dead, and everyone
> knows the dead don't matter, but Case didn't care anymore, that's
> life, that's the way it works, and Case was beginning to accept all of
> that; he wanted to live.
> 
> "So what!" Case rolled on to his other side; he saw something crawling
> on the black ground. A second chance, another girl, a car, some beer,
> weekends off, Case thought, as he picked up the caterpillar, feeling
> it twist and turn in his closed hand. Case was tired of the war, tired
> of being one of the losers, and the letter he expected in a way, she
> was a beautiful woman, and if she wanted a baby, wanted to live
> forever, it was her right to give herself the best shot, the best shot
> far from here. He knew the four men, his nightmare, and the men going
> back to the states in boxes, didn't go anywhere, didn't matter---a war
> to win once and for all, right; maybe the war would be won there, with
> her, one piece dress, no panties, flip-flops near the shore, endless
> blue water and some white clouds in the sky, and with the men shouting
> peace, fighting the real war at home, jockeying for position. He
> wanted a family, wife and baby too, he strangely had to admit, even if
> it wasn't going to be with her, even if it went against everything he
> learned here, even if it meant living in their new world. Case knew he
> was a dark horse, and although many are put down before they have a
> chance to run, he would get in, hell, they might even drag him inside
> their world, as a trophy, and he would live along side them, might
> even catch up to those in the lead, live forever. He just needed to
> get back home, get another chance, fuck the dead, fuck those four men,
> fuck his nightmare.
> 
> Case pushed himself back up off the ground. He entered the tent and
> sat down in one of the chairs near the entrance. Case twisted his
> torso side to side. He looked around for something to distract him. He
> saw some soldiers surrounding a fellow looking at a porno magazine.
> Case imagined them all jacking off and thinking about holding their
> new and improved selves after some of momma's grunts and screams. 
> He saw another dude organizing all his letters into some sort of
> shrine, a picture of a girl and her soiled panties in its center.
> The guy was praying and saying something softly. Case couldn't make
> out the words. He saw Larry smoking a joint and talking to a black
> guy, the black guy nodding now-and-then and sometimes getting in a
> word or two. Everyone liked Larry even though he went too far
> sometimes. Larry was crazy that's why everyone liked him; the guy
> gave people ideas, gave them hope, about the world, about themselves, 
> however, Larry was also complex, and that scared people too. They 
> couldn't fully understand Larry, his wisdom, his vision, but Larry
> still tried, with smooth words sometimes, sometimes with shouts. Larry
> looked over at Case and pointed to the joint. Case shook his head.
> "So fucking what," Case heard someone yell, "so fucking what, you
> don't fucking like it, then shut the fuck up and go take yourself
> somewhere else and die, no one needs to hear it." He heard the guy
> laugh, then silence. He then heard some voices but they were too far
> away to make out. Case didn't bother looking outside to see who said
> it. The guy was right, Case knew, no one needed to hear it, no one
> needed to hear anything but the same old promises but what else was
> there, only family, baby, hoping to live forever. Case looked at
> Larry again, his fist in the air, black guy nodding, repeating
> something, a roach passing between them, and thought, so what, 
> the dead don't matter, so what, promise, new and improved self, so
> what, my life matters. Then Case said out loud, "My second
> chance; just seven more weeks and I'm coming home." Case then looked
> at some soldiers talking on the other side of the tent, near the other
> exit; Case knew what they were talking about. Case got depressed
> whenever he had to talk and listen to some of the young soldiers; they
> didn't talk like some of the soldiers Case talk to at night while
> dreaming, talk like those men who always played hearts at night; they
> talked of life; talked of getting back home alive; and his dreams and
> men playing Hearts talked of killing, of death, of winning the war
> once and for all; talked of winning the war once and for all; and, so
> whenever he did have to listen or talk to them, he just had to
> pretend, for their safety, for their feelings. Case wanted to be more
> like them now. Case stood and started to walk towards them; he wanted
> to be more like them than those four dead men.
> 
> "Case we need to talk to you." 
> 
> Case turned around; it was Scott. 
> 
> "Outside."
> 
> "Talk to me here."
> 
> "He wants to talk to you outside."
> 
> Case knew it was the man he hated the most. 
> 
> "About what?"
> 
> "You know what."
> 
> Case stood up and walked out of the tent, Larry and Scott behind him. 
> Case starts to remember the last time he talked with the man he hated
> the most.
> 
> "I don't understand, why?"
> 
> Larry started to laugh. 
> 
> "Man, you think we get off on this?"
> 
> Case was trying to move over to the building to try to keep them all
> on one side but Gab out flanked him.
> 
> Then Gabriel said from behind, "you think this shit not going
> anywhere."
> 
> "No!"
> 
> Case felt his legs go out from under him. 
> 
> Then one of the men Case hated the most said, "who'd expect 
> anything else out of you."
> 
> Case was mad. "I tried to do what you told me."
> 
> The men held him down. Scott bent down. 
> 
> Scott said, "You're right, these boys are here for their families, for
> their country, or just maybe out of dumb luck. But all this isn't
> about these soldiers, they'll be returning home, alive and well
> because of their faith and courage or maybe just simple dumb luck.
> 
> Scott paused. 
> 
> "Maybe all this is isn't about them it's about some of the boys
> who won't be returning because of . . .," Scott paused again. 
> 
> Case saw sweat on Scott's face. 
> 
> Scott stood up. "He doesn't know yet."
> 
> "Know what," Case shouted. 
> 
> "Don't you too bend, Case, maybe they matter more than the soldiers
> returning home alive to carry on with their lives. And maybe they
> matter more than just creating the little world many expect to
> live in forever."
> 
> "What the fuck? Get the fuck off me!"
> 
> "And oh, this isn't about revenge, or hate, or destruction, or
> another piece of ass, or pity, or someone thumping on a bible, it's
> about putting faith on what we know to be true, about accepting what
> we know about ourselves, others, and our motives, and about giving
> someone else a real chance to win the war." Case looked at the man
> that he hated the most.
> 
> "What the fuck are you talking about, give who a real chance?"
> 
> The man kicked him in the face, and Case faded out. 
> 
> "One of these men going back in boxes a chance to do something else
> other than war, dying for nothing, or dying to give the real soldiers
> back home the best chance to win the war once and for all." Case
> didn't hear what Larry said.
> 
> And that's when Case had his first nightmare, and well after that
> nightmare, Case, at night, when sleeping, would continue to dream and
> talk to dead soldiers. They told him stuff. They told him of old wars.
> The wars they talked about changed sometimes. The soldiers changed
> too, night to night, most young, some old. But, never changing, all
> the nightmares, all the dead soldiers, all the wars, would always
> center around winning the war once and for all.
> 
> "A war to win, get back home alive" they said, laughing, "not this
> time, more like a migration sometimes."
> 
> Case looked down from the mountain, a couple thousand campfires shaped
> rectangular against the black earth and black horizon.
> 
> "Those slowly pushed out to death as to make room for those back
> home who really matter more." 
> 
> "A new great war for God, country, family." 
> 
> Case was cold, the wind whipping against the side of the black
> mountain, against his face.
> 
> "Sometimes, in the past, the only war that has every has been waged is
> to get rid of competition at home; maybe this war the same, maybe
> it'll be the last great war; the last push to kill life that doesn't
> matter; yet maybe it's a different war, like they say, a war for
> life."
> 
> "Their life, not yours."
> 
> 
> He then would talk strategies, talk tactics: this is too many men for
> this space, or sometimes too few; our right is covered by the
> mountain, it's are left flank we have to worry about; march, keep them
> in rank; they can't cover it; hold them here; tell them to hold their
> ground; yes always, young up front, old in back.
> 
> Case sees a young soldier throwing big rocks into the fire, red embers
> rising in all directions.
> 
> "It happens when not enough pussy to go around, or the pussy 
> is already staked or too old, i.e., not fresh, not clean, not healthy,
> or something like that."
> 
> "Why would that change now?"
> 
> "The only purpose of war, or murder, is not to defend life but to 
> kill life that doesn't matter, or that gets in the way. 
> 
> Case sees an old man and an old women talking to a group of children.
> The man and woman point towards the edge of the black mountain. Half
> of the children began running, battle cries, then soon they disappear
> over the ledge, with not even a scream.
> 
> "And that happens by people closer to the center pushing those
> not so close out, to war, to . . ."
> 
> The old man and old woman hug each other, the other little children
> playing around them.
> 
> "They'll be more wars, more murders, plenty more, but not for the
> ideals those close to the center speak, defend life, but to give
> those who matter back home the best chance to score a better piece of
> pussy, or as it usually happens, several pussy, so their selves, their
> life, can continue, ssweet."
> 
> An old soldier hands Case a knife, the knife for the last fight. 
> The old man and old woman start to stare at Case. 
> 
> Poppa and Momma whenever close to dying would look at their
> Children, for they would always have a couple, and saw themselves, 
> new and improved, and so everything they did was to make sure their
> children, really their selves, would continue living, even if it meant
> crushing on other men, other life, other ideas, even sacrificing some
> of their child for some of their other children, and so, the world
> continued to change, and the cream always rising to the top, richer
> and richer.
> 
> Old momma cared, cared about the life that was important, and about
> the life that wasn't, or looked like wasn't going to help her
> children, well, it never entered her mind.
> 
> Old poppa cared too, he really cared, unless it looked like one of his
> kids wasn't going to make it, so he looked to fuck again, or fuck
> again with someone else, and maybe that kid could still be put to use,
> kill competition, or provide a service, or be used as an example, a
> poster child, don't do this, see what happens, etc.
> 
> 
> "And, sure, they will live forever, so they go quietly to their graves
> believing that, and those who don't, were push out, and don't matter
> but, they mattered in a way, they have special days, remembered,
> giving those back home more room, more pussy, more food, to win the
> real war."
> 
> The old woman smiles, then the old man, then all the children. 
> 
> "So send them away, and if they happen to return winners, those close
> to the center claim their victory as their own, in books, in stories,
> in songs, in movies, but if they lose, they are forgotten, and get the
> leftovers, however few of them return."
> 
> Case feels the weight of knife in his hand. The soldier that was
> throwing rocks at the fire walks up to Case; he says something into
> Case's ear. 
> 
> "Fight the great last war, to give those back home, the best chance to
> win the real war once and for all."
> 
> Case's eyes begin to water, as he sees for the first time
> a strange woman his age and that he has never seen before turn 
> around and walk away. 
> 
> And that's how his dreams would always end. 
> 
> "What the fuck, Boss."
> 
> Case was tired. The letter didn't make matters better either. 
> He wanted to survive, get home, get a second chance. 
> 
> The man who Case hated the most turned around.  
> 
> "Larry tells me you're thinking about quitting, quitting the mission."
> 
> Case looked over at Larry. Larry nodded his head. 
> 
> "I was never fucking in."
> 
> Larry laughed, and Case let go of the caterpillar. Case knew Larry was
> capable of anything. He had to be careful now. Larry could attack and
> kill him, and there would be nothing he could do but only fight for
> only time, enough time to think one last thought, the strange woman's
> face on his chest, a quiet afternoon fishing with his father, or a
> couple of beers and fixing the green jeep with a couple of the boys
> from section seven seven.
> 
> "You helped kill Gab, Case. You know that don't you," Larry shouted. 
> 
> Case's face turned red. "What?"
> 
> "And surrounded by the artifacts of war and guised truths back home,
> you dreamt of a future family, country, and God, while Gab was getting
> killed."
> 
> "No one encouraged Gab to go to the village."
> 
> Larry motioned to Scott. Scott backed off a bit.
> 
> "And they'll drag you in, claim victory, while leaving us out."
> 
> "You have the same chance I have, just gotta get back alive."
> 
> "Just gotta get back alive, uh, Case."
> 
> "Just like that, you leave, you leave us, you leave the nightmare, you
> leave all the men behind."
> 
> Case was getting confident. 
> 
> "Fuck, yes."                                    
> 
> Case knew their side, and he didn't want anything to do with it, not
> even with the letter, not even with the nightmare.
> 
> "I don't care. No one will ever care. I want to live. I want to leave
> this place behind me. I want to leave all you behind me. I want a
> life."
> 
> The man Case hated the most looked down to the ground. 
> 
> "You don't want to help us win the war once and for all?"
> 
> "War is being won, not here, but back home." 
> 
> "Very well!"
> 
> Case goes back into the tent, takes a nap before the night's mission
> dreams of home, dreams of his second chance, dreams of catching up,
> dreams of meeting a girl. Then he dreams of hanging out with some old
> people, many with grandchildren---the survivors of life, drinking
> beers with them, talking about the war and how it was won, everyday,
> getting out of bed, working to get laid.
> 
> Case awoke with a thud.
> 
> "It's time to move, saddle up!"
>  
> Case sat up and looked at the twisted letter. The rest of boys in camp
> never like the way Case read letters, or looked at life. They say that
> he would twist and manipulate the letters until he read what he
> wanted. But what they didn't know was that Case was only untwisting
> them. He was reading them without the guise and hack. But it didn't
> matter anymore; he only wanted to get back alive and leave all this
> behind him. But, he knew just as he was unbending and untwisting the
> letters with his hands and mind, there were those who were doing
> tighter and stronger twisting, to suit, but he didn't care about that
> either, he might even someday join them, help them, help himself.
> 
> No nightmare, no four men playing hearts will ever tell Case how to
> read his letters anymore, breathe his air, raise his future kids, or
> live and act in this world that he risked his life for. Case left the
> letter, which to the casual observer looked crumble, on the bed. He
> started to prepare his gear.
>  
> Case looked back at the letter and thought silently to himself, it's
> ok; anybody else would have done the same.
> 
> Case viewed the men dawning gear and thought "you are right, you were
> always right, life goes to those who are strong, and dead men aren't
> strong; men back home with grandchildren are strong; men with property
> and pussy are strong, alive to prove it."
> 
> He started to walk towards the opening, thought of something, 
> paused near one of the empty bunks, and pinched a plug of
> tobacco.  
> 
> "What did I forget!"
> 
> He heard Larry cracking a joke.
> 
> "Just need to get back home alive."
> 
> The night's mission, Larry, Scott, most hated man, some other
> unimportant men killed, "by mistake, by accident," from a strange
> crossfire." Case survived though. Case knew he would get back home
> alive to fight the real war with those who were already there.
> 
> Case accepted the war, other side of the world, but doesn't want to be
> a part of it anymore; doesn't want to be one of its losers. He might
> even plan other wars like the one he was in now, i.e., help those back
> home further it, in movies, books, help them plot the great last war,
> to defeat the enemy once and for all, for there is really nothing else
> but pussy, property, and children, ?living forever.'
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Case jumped on the helicopter. He left the war a survivor, given a
> second chance, and if he worked right with those back home, get
> himself educated, get property and pussy, he might even end a part of
> his life a winner.
> 
> And so Case left the war, and its losers; left the nightmare; left
> Larry, Gab, man most hated; left all his dead buddies; and goes home
> to
> be with the real winners, all with property, educations, and pussy;
> Case figured there nothing more, only life, and improvement, and
> positioning oneself before the great last war. And so, he really
> wanted to be more like them, work, plot, so when the final war comes,
> needing to kill to defend a way of life---winning the real war, fifty
> years from now, or a hundred, he will be there with them, maybe even
> commanding, when they lead the final drive to kill life that does not
> matter.
> 
> 
>                                Part II    
> 
> Case arrived back home, much in the same way any other soldier did,
> alone, with only thoughts. His mother told him that his ex-girlfriend
> was happily married with a kid. She was out west, somewhere. Case
> never bothered to contact her. He didn't have anything to say to her;
> he couldn't have been dead, and she wouldn't have cared, only putting
> the time to go through one of those common rituals: "He died! When,
> how? Then she feels sad for awhile; she then thinks about her life,
> her child's life; thinks the same might happen to them one day; gets
> depressed more; then has another child just in case, with her husband,
> or with someone else in a better position.
> 
> Case just hanged out for a while, drinking beers, blacking out
> sometimes. He thought about the four men at times, all wanting to win
> the war so there would be no other wars, so the men that died there
> would really mattered. He thought about the nightmare, old man and old
> woman smiling, little children smiling too, like there was a fucking
> reason to smile. He thought about the war movies he saw, made by
> suitors, and the war bitches, all them twisting the war and peoples
> lives, all them glamorizing---if not authorizing, God empowering them,
> this war, past wars, and the great last war to come, the war and the
> dead, and of course the heroes, the survivors, all coming back home to
> join the other winners, that presumable fought a long ago war and now
> are just fighting the real war, at home, with pussy and property,
> maybe even becoming one of them one day to command others in the
> future war.
> But most of all he thought about the dead men that over were still
> over there, the ones that had no hope of coming back. He prayed for
> them, and did nothing else. He had a feeling the war was going to be
> over soon anyway. Longhaired men, and women in one-piece dresses, were
> going to win it. They wrote stuff; made music; were educating
> themselves. Case prayed they would hurry up though, with all the drugs
> and sex you know, and win the war. They finally did, and have movies,
> books, and songs, more of the same, to prove it. Case thought about
> becoming a writer also, telling a different story though, tell them of
> Larry, the nightmare, stuff like that, but knew the time wasn't right,
> not even one of the dead would want to read the shit; he would wait
> till another sucker did and died a terrible death after.
> 
> Case got a job; meet a girl, and the war was forgotten. He wanted to
> fight the real war with all of the winners.
> 
> But sometimes Case would go to sleep and have the nightmare. When
> tired he thought he saw Larry, sometimes in shorts, shouting at cars,
> other times in a store, buying marshmallows, and other times, driving
> down the street in a business suit talking to a little kid.
>  
> Case was ok with life and the old war left behind and the same old war
> here, ?the real war,' all leading to the final war, the final
> destruction of course, and maybe, if he continues to work hard enough,
> like thinkers, artists, etc., becomes a member, joins them, and if he
> fucks right, often enough, and his improved selves fuck right in the
> future, the cream always manages to rise to the top, he will be one of
> those survivors after the great war. They would always remind him of
> the great last war to come, or of the great destruction. It was
> coming; they had movies about it; they had books about it; he just
> needed to work hard and fuck right. He would be one of those survivors
> to start the New world.
> 
> Case knew he doesn't need to do anything, everything is gravitating
> towards the final war, the final destruction, e.g., WWIII, or maybe
> another flood, wheat (the good) separated from the chafe (the bad.)
> Case just needed to worry about working and fucking right; just needed
> to worry about putting his children in a good position and his
> children fucking right too.
> 
> And so Case did put the dead, the nightmare, Larry and the boys behind
> him.
> 
> Case doesn't want to attack the family like Larry wanted too, he knew
> they are the tool, the best tool, to give him the best chance to
> survive, and he wanted to live, like all the winners, forever.
> 
> 
>  
>                                  * 
>           *
>         *
>         
> 
> 
>       *              *       *     
>                         
>                        * * *
> 
>          *         *          *
> 
> 
> 
> At times, after another one of his family members would die, Case
> would remember conversations with Larry, Gab, and the boys when
> everything got quiet around camp: they talked of a real war too, but
> the war was different, not the war of the winner's back home, revealed
> in movies and books, pussy and dick front and center, dick getting
> pussy, or pussy getting dick, etc., and not pussy and dick's future
> war, or great destruction, to be waged, billions dead, either, pussy
> and dick still front and center, smiling, theirs was another war, a
> war that wasn't over, never ended, the real war that no book, no film,
> no pussy or dick could ever capture, a war to give all life a real
> chance, a war to win once and for all so there would be no other wars,
> no other meaningless deaths.
> 
> 
> "But living forever isn't meaningless," Case heard the strange woman
> speak in one of his nightmares. He dreamt about her more and more. He
> wanted to touch her sometimes. He felt she loved him. She would back
> him; she would risk everything for him. He would reach for her, and
> she would always step out of his grasp. "I need you," Case would say
> softly sometimes. He just wasn't good enough, wouldn't improve herself
> enough, so she never came. And that's when Larry would then pay him a
> visit, like old times, drunk, some blood on the carpet, and talk: only
> myth that man has, that they have, to look forward to, is destruction
> and the survivors, the chosen ones; always, always; Larry farts; in
> film, in stories, whatever, why would it be different now---listen to
> the way  they talk, read their books, watch their films; they're
> plotting; the fuckers are plotting something; a lot of death too, a
> lot of death in books and movies, like they know something about
> death, like they know a lot about living, like they are the one's to
> give us hope, tell us what life, and what the world is, what it is
> becoming; Larry would then attack Case; if you get perfect enough, and
> gravitate to the top, when the disaster happens, you just might
> survive, and won't that be worth it, easy as it is now, easy as it has
> always come; and yes, go to the grave, safe, you'll be one of those
> survivors when the flood comes, or the bomb falls, and the hero comes
> just in time to save those lucky survivors; Case there is a reason why
> you survived the war and why many didn't, survived to come home to be
> with the real winners, be with them to fight their real war.
> 
> Case wandered around for seven months, could've been seven years, it
> all wouldn't have made a difference, for Pop was finally dead, Mom was
>  finally dead, brother, sister were finally dead, girlfriend was
> finally dead, their potential child was finally dead, Case was dead.
> 
> They didn't make it. They didn't win the real war. Maybe it was
> because they didn't fuck right, maybe they couldn't improve themselves
> fast enough, time just ran out, or just maybe they weren't supposed to
> win the war.
> 
> 
> Case's eternal family bulk, dead in seven months, and they all died
> fair, dead soldiers didn't come back from the grave, or Larry and the
> boys didn't go through with the revenge they always talked about
> committing when drunk and high. Pop died of cancer, and couldn't
> really fuck anyone else because of his enlarged prostate. Mom years
> since she felt those hot flashes got ran over while trying to cross
> the street; she was busy thinking about rearranging the backyard and
> didn't see the eighteen wheeler. Brother and sister died too, not in
> any special way either, no ceremony, just one morning they went to the
> hospital and were told they were going to die in a couple of months;
> they went on a week  vacation to some beach resort, went out to eat a
> couple of time to those restaurants near the mall, laid in bed,
> thought about people,
> thought about death, bum deal. Case's girlfriend died, killed herself;
> she figured her mom was right, she shouldn't have gone home with Case
> that night; she made one mistake, she wasn't going to make another.
> Case's baby never born though it all started with another intention in
> mind, Case just started, never stopped, good intention life buried.
> Case then died, colon cancer, diabetes, COPD, ulcer, old scar from a
> knife, dementia, some other stuff; he remembers stuff, not the way he
> use to, not the way other people remember it they would always point
> out to him, "you weren't even there, asshole."
> 
> Case would think of his family often when sick, the nurse pitching and
> twisting his nipple to see if he was still alive every morning. He
> remembered them being alive, and yet ignorant of the war. He then
> would imagine the four ways to die:
> 
> 1. old age: body dies by itself, disease, etc., doesn't have to be old
> 
> 2. murdered: war, killed for the various reasons people can come up
> with for killing someone else,
> 
> 3. accident: car wreck, plane crashing
> 
> 4. suicide: gun, pills, alcohol, etc
> 
> Interfused with moments, a father's first child, kissing his
> wife goodbye before heading off to work, mother worrying about her
> baby, first day of school, etc.
> 
>                          (The family) 
> 
> Father   
>         <
> Mother
>         <        -------------------
> Brothers        (                   )
>         <       (all the ways to die) and Case imagines them die
> Sisters         (                   ) by the various phyla of the four
>         <        -------------------   ways of death
> Case's wife               
>         <
> Case's child
>         <
> Case
>  . . . 
> children's story like. . . but Case is there when they die and yet
> he isn't, i.e., he is there when his father dies yet he isn't a 
> father himself, etc. . . he is still a son, goes through that
> experience, not one of his father's peers, etc.,
> 
> Case sees the death of his family, all phyla, from all perspectives, 
> 
> that is
> 
> like 
> 
> death of his mother---disease, breast cancer, murdered, for her purse,
> or accident, plane crash, etc., and the way a son would experience it,
> or a daughter, a creditor, a stranger, co-worker, a husband
> 
>     
> Case's father wasn't the brightest man in the world but he loved him
> any. Case knew he lived and worked to give his children the best
> possible chance to become successful. Father died of toil.
> 
> The office person double clicked the icon, the guy was finally dead,
> looks like they would collect that outstanding debt. 
> 
>                                  
> Case's mother wasn't the prettiest woman in the world but he loved her
> anyway. Case knew she wanted all her babies to be happy.
> Mother died, accident.
> 
> The bystander stared at the blood on the pavement, woman near by and
> covered in a white sheet, thought, better you than me.
> 
> Case's brothers and sisters didn't think the way he thought. He loved
> them anyway. They were just doing what everyone else was doing,
> getting up everyday, working. They all died too.
> 
> . . .
> 
> Case's wife loved Case. She believed in him. She died just the same.
> 
> . . .
> Case's child saw Case and his mom die. He was too young to remember
> what it all meant.
> 
> Phyla: His girl kills his baby, this time, but another time, his baby
> grows up and is killed by a drunk driver, and another time his baby
> grows up, rings a little bell, and dies in a prison, and another time,
> his baby pisses off the wrong person and is killed.
> 
> 
>  . . .
> 
> Case died after his wife died. He missed her, missed talking to her. 
> Case loved his wife. 
> 
> and he died just like everyone else, only hoping he did they right
> thing, for man, for his only child, for God.
>    
> this, with the war still lingering, and Case realizing the war is
> not really over,
> 
> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++   
> 
> 
> And he would always wake up, the air was thick with smoke, and wet
> too, Larry was cursing at Gab. . .
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> RETURNS HOME, after the war, after the death of family, after hanging
> with Larry, after remembering the nightmare, after deciding not to
> join the suitors, playing war, and their plotting of the final great
> war, pussy and dick front and center, after all his talks with the
> dead soldiers.
> 
> 
> 
> He wanted her to know, the strange woman he saw around the city's
> center, this woman that he couldn't get out of his head, to show her
> his life, his past, his thoughts, show her he was good, his friends
> were good, all trying to win the war once and for all. He wanted to
> try to love her; he wanted her to try to love him, to trust him.
> 
> with knowledge of the war, and the war to come if things
> stay the same, and the real war somewhere far, knowledge of the
> family, of the real war needed the family, the war that many have died
> for, and not the war of the suitors, and Case's family, one
> wife, one child, all supporting the real war, the war to make all life
> matter, and not like the old
> families, many wives, many children, much and the same, etc.
> 
> Case meets the strange woman in his nightmare. They are both alone.
> They both have no allegiance to anyone else. They are attracted to
> each other. Case finally gets married, and they both have only one
> child.
> 
> The knife not used because . . . 
> 
> 
> "So why don't you cut your tubes after your first child, it'll make
> thing a lot easier, imagine the world now, five billion, and imagine
> the world tomorrow," Larry would always yell when he read a newspaper
> article about this or that.
> 
> 
> Case supports his wife, his only child, their world, but also supports
> the drive to win the war once and for all. 
> 
> 
> He would help them, man, woman, child, because he cared about them; he
> cared about life; he wanted them all to survive; he wanted the dead to
> matter.
> 
> He wanted to help them, the war needed them, the real war, not to be
> waged on earth, billions dead, but somewhere distant, somewhere man
> couldn't reach, but somewhere man could help someone else reach. . .
> 
> 
> And still much and the same, same old world, murders, people fighting
> for the right to improve their selves, positioning themselves, live
> forever, with property, with medicine, with most of the world's
> resources, etc., but AI being developed, propulsions being develop,
> send out to space, dead soldiers around a campfire looking up to the
> sky, to win the real war, with or without pussy or dick, once and for
> all.
> 
> Case is with his family. They all die, separated by years, and yet all
> together, somewhere far, far away from this world, love. She kisses
> him goodbye.


"That's it; see if it doesn't profit them, their children, then 
they don't want to part of it; and I guess that will pretty much 
stay the same, like that type of thinking has contributed to the 
world they all live in now." 

Larry yawns.

"How the fuck should I know. Change the educational system: like
instead of centering the day around a teacher and her lecture, change
it to 1/3 of a day
with teacher and her lecture, and 2/3 of silent study time, most kids
don't get the time to study at home, too many fucking distractions,
pussy and dick, stuff like that.
Shift some of the fucking focus from teaching service crap, how to
survive
in this ‘world,' and shift it so a child can be the best possible, be
that developing
AI, or something not necessary in the scope of man, and man's
interest, or his children, which should really be changed to
"himself."

Larry looked out of the window. 


"three fourths the shit out there, is about the relationship between
man and his children: blah, blah, I tried to be the best like mommy
and daddy wanted me to be, and daddy tried his hardest for me to be
the best, but  I wasn't, and daddy went to his death bed sad, for he
saw a little bit of the future, and he wasn't going to be a part of
it. The other quarter about going around looking to fuck, or the
reasons not the fuck.


Larry stood up.

"Yes you went to war for this reason; but I also went to war; I also
died; don't fucking claim to speak for me."







And, yet, wars, other men, another time, are still taking place, and
those wars are still rooted in family, and even though many don't go 
to war or avoid war with intentions of living forever, 




men are
fighting, fighting a war, a war that matters, to which end they give
to all, and  a war that Case and his family will always support, a war
to end all other wars, and to give all life a chance.






> "As long as there is a War, the U.S. military and its veterans
> will be support to the maximums of your coffers you bitch. 
> 
> Be warned of who or what you put first.
> 
> End 
> 
> 
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> BIN: 
> 
> 
> He would write another story, 
> another book about pussy and dick, and the monster
> What does dick do to pussy this time, 
> Let me guess, dick saves pussy, or pussy saves dick
> More and more, pussy and dick stories. 
> Read books of pussy and dick
> Watch films of pussy and dick
> But after awhile, surrounded by pussy, dick, and the monster, Case
> gets depressed. 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> \Who wouldn't want a little more money
> after tax day to... Chucks, they earned that capital all by themselves
> didn't they.\Why would anyone want that capital wasted on a Bitchmule
> and to winning the war once and for all, much better spent on things
> that matter in the comfortable world themselves?\Case looked again at
> the letter and, in his mind, "doesn't feel beastly anger; beasts are
> young; her friends are young; but, Case was intellectually alarmed;
> they don't stay young forever, and soon those beasts grow old,
> ignorant, powerful off the labor of the fallen, and,
> hell, they even start to think they have a right to exclude us
> returning soldiers that think differently from having any part in this
> world. Think again, beasts!"
>  
> . . .
> 
> 1 year later
> 
> "We all have our stuff that keeps us going don't we, Case?"
> 
> "Baby?"
> 
> "Yes!"
> 
> "You're baby is dead."
> 
> "Went to sleep one night and never woke up."
> 
> "You're lying."
> 
> "You weren't around, couldn't keep a job, you left."
> 
> . . .
> 
> Blood plunked down, plunked down for what, for pussy and dick?"
> 
> Case imagines some of the soldiers he talk to at night sitting around 
> a television screen, all watching pussy and dick. 
> 
> Larry laughs. "Maybe POP and MOM doesn't keep all her promises." 
> 
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 
> 
> Case looked at his watch, still a few hours till patrol, and 
> decided to take a short nap. 
> 
> (Dreams of returning home but also dream of talking, old wars and old,
> dead soldiers.)
> 
> then dreams: Going to work, going down to the beach, meeting women, 
> 
> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
> 
> Case went back, picked up his rifle, and headed to the opening. 
> 
> Case unlocked the safety and tapped "Dear bitchmule letters, beasts
> frolicking, and their psywar, all be damned; 
> 
> these men matter, this
> war matters, my life matters, and nothing will ever change that."
> 
> Case looking at the men file out of the tent ahead of him knew he must
> do everything in his power, now and tomorrow, to give these few brave
> men, here and back
> home, the best fighting chance possible to win the war and make it
> back alive to their homes to reap the harvest of their labor and love.
> 
> . . .
> 
> "I could shape and bend her letter the way they want me to; the way
> it's been done since the dawn of time." But I won't; this world will
> not be their inheritance.
> 
> . . .
    

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