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From: Nikki <INDEXHTML@INHELL.COM>
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Subject: Invisible (Child molesting)
Date: Thu, 27 May 2004 21:17:36 -0700
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Invisible (Child molesting)
By Invisible Girl
Just Stuff: This is my first attempt at writing a story, so please bear
with me.
These are true memories of mine. Some are fantasies. I will always make
it clear
which are fantasy and which truly happened. I know you all probably get
this a
lot. People claiming things are true and such, so if you don't believe me,
that's alright. It doesn't really matter. Why I'm doing this, I'm not sure.
Mostly to get this crap off my chest. Partly because I'm a bit sick, sexual
abuse will do that to a girl.
At the end is my email address. Anyone who what's to comment please feel
free to
email me, I'll answer every email I receive to at least say "Thank you."
if it's
a nice email, or "Fuck you." if it isn't so nice. *giggle* If you write me
something semi-intelligent I'll write a longer response, of course.
These memories will kind of be in order. Or at least as best as I
remember them.
Starting when I was youngest to present day. Sometimes I'll skip around. Who
knows. Hey, it's my life, I can tell you in any order I want. And, this
probably
won't be as good as some "fiction" story, because unlike fiction I'm
only going
to write what I remember. No added stuff that didn't happen. No extras
to make
it more exciting. Just what happened, plain and simple. Everything here
will be
true, or as true as I remember. Only the names will be changed. I don't
really
care about protecting the privacy of the abuser or anything, but there were
other victims and I'm not going to give away their true identities.
- - - - - - - - - -
Memory 1-
(but not the first memory. -True-)
I was about six years old. I was just beginning to learn to read. I was
trying
to teach my little sister how. She was only four and didn't really care
about
what I wanted to show her.
We sat on the couch in the finished basement. It was a big room, so the
couch
was like a divider. Meaning, the couch was kinda in the middle of the
floor of
the big room. (like on TV shows sometimes there are big living rooms,
and the
couch is set so it's possible to walk behind it.) I was flipping through
a Dr.
Seuss book, "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish" to be exact. I used to
love Dr. Seuss. The television was on, some cartoon, I no longer
remember which.
Anyway, I sat there flipping through the pages, and kept poking Maggie (my
sister), trying to teach her to read, when I heard foot steps coming
down the
stairs, I knew it was Todd.
Todd was my mom's boyfriend at the time. He was a little older than my
mom. We
were living at his house. I knew it was Todd because I knew my mom went
to the
store. I remember feeling that scared feeling in my tummy that I got
every time
he was around. He liked to play "secret games".
He came downstairs, and I didn't even turn my head. I hoped he'd just go
away.
It was hard with him. Sometimes he was very nice, and sometimes he was very
mean, and sometimes he was in between. I never knew what to expect. He
came over
to the couch and sat down next to me, so I was in the middle of him and
Maggie.
Then he leaned to me and whispered really softly, something like "Why
don't we
let Maggie look at the book for a little while?" Then he reached over
and pulled
the book out of my hands and dropped it in Maggie's lap. Then he took my
hand
and stood up. I followed him, just staying quiet. It was always quicker
when I
was quiet. He took me behind the couch (remember I told you it wasn't pushed
against a wall, but rather kinda in the middle of the room) and to this
chair
that was behind the couch. It was like a lazy-boy armchair. He picked me
up and
put me standing up on the chair.
I had on a t-shirt and pants, and my underthings and socks on. He had on
shorts
and a t-shirt. Anyway, he put me in the chair, and then he reached out and
pulled down my pants and underwear and the same time, then picked me up
against
him, and pulled them off completely, leaving my socks on. Then he sat me
down in
the chair. I was being really quiet because I didn't want Maggie turning
around
and seeing what was happening. Even at six I wanted to protect her.
Then he knelt in front of the chair and pushed my legs apart, and started
touching my legs and stuff. I was kinda relieved, actually, because I
was glad
he wasn't hurting me this time. (Sometime when he was mad he'd hit and
spank and
stuff, but that's another story.) He kept touching my legs and kissing and
licking them, and I knew he liked that a lot because he'd smile when he
did it.
And he'd call me "Princess". That was the only time he called me "Princess",
when we were playing our secret games. Then he licked in between my
legs. (at
the time I called that my "private places" or my "gina", obviously short for
"vagina", I didn't know anything else to call it, and he just called them my
"special princess place") I liked when he licked me there a little too.
I didn't
know why I liked it. I didn't understand why. It kinda felt like
tickling, but
better. And certain times when he licked me it felt REALLY good. (I know
now he
must have been licking my clit, but at the time I didn't even know what that
was. *ggl*) he licked all between my legs, and kept whispering stuff
like "Do
you like that, Princess?" and I knew I had to say yes or he'd get mad.. so I
nodded and said "Yes".
Then after awhile he stood up and started pulling his shorts off. That's
when I
started getting nervous again. He pulled off his shorts and I saw his
"privates"
too. It was all hard. (He called it "his friend" well he let me call it that
anyway.) He took my hand and put it on his friend and closed his hand around
mine, kinda making me rub it up and down, and stuff was dripping out the
little
hole (I now know it was precum, but at the time I just knew it was "stuff").
Then he took my hand away, and pushed my legs apart more, kinda rubbing up
against my 'gina. And he was breathing fast, then he started pushing,
and I bit
my lip as hard as I could, and was being really quiet because I didn't want
Maggie to know or see. He grabbed my legs and pushed more.. He actually
wasn't
doing it as hard as he sometimes did, it didn't hurt too bad. And he kept
pushing, and pulling my legs so I was kinda slumping in the chair, and
he'd pull
back and push in, and pull back and in.
Then it stopped hurting so much. After awhile it always stopped, and I
breathed
easier then, and he kept pushing and pushing, and I knew he was going to
be done
soon. (at the time I thought he used to pee inside me, but now I know he was
coming.) So he moved really fast and then came all inside me, and then
pulled
out, and there was "stuff" dripping out, and he picked up his shorts and
used
them to wipe me up a bit. Then he helped me get back on my pants, but not my
panties, and kissed my forehead, and then had me kiss his. He patted my bum
softly and told me to be a good girl, picked me up, put me back on the couch
with Maggie, and then he went back upstairs.
- - - - - - - - - -
That was one time. Hope someone out there liked it. It's crazy but I
actually
hope it turns someone on. It turns me on now, even though at the time I was
scared and hurting, now when I think back...
Like I said, I know I'm sick. Oh well. To each his or her own.
Invisible 2
Second Try-
(another memory -True-)
This happened at our other house. The second house we lived in with
Todd. It was
actually an apartment. Kind of small, just a tiny kitchen, a bedroom, and a
small living room and bathroom. So Todd got to "accidentally" see us (my
sister
and I) a lot, when we were naked, without my mom getting suspicious.
I was home from school. I wasn't feeling well, and mom had to go to work. I
remember laying in bed (my sister and I had bunk beds in the corner of their
bedroom, since there was only one room in that apartment) and mom came
over and
kissed my forehead and told me something like "Try to rest, Vicky, and
don't bug
Todd too much." Mom knew about Todd's violent tempers, but not about the
little
"secret games".
I fell asleep in the bottom bunk, and started waking up slowly I felt
something
rubbing on my mouth. I tried to roll over, like I was still sleeping, but he
grabbed my, and pulled me off the bed, hissing something at me like "I know
you're awake, Vicky." He picked me up and dropped me down on the big
bed, the
one he slept with mom in. And he climbed up right next to me, he was
naked, and
he was pressing me down on the bed with one hand.
This time I tried to make him go away. Sometimes I did that. I felt
sick, I just
wanted to sleep. I wanted him to leave me alone. I tried to kick him, but he
quickly sat on top of my legs so I couldn't kick, his "friend" (penis, dick,
cock, whatever you want to call it) was right near my face. I closed my
mouth
tight, and continued wiggling beneath him. I don't know why I thought I
could
get away, I was seven and he was much stronger than me. He didn't do
anything,
just watched me. I remember him smiling. I started to cry.
He actually reached out and brushed my tears away. I thought maybe he
was going
to stop, but then he held my chin in one hand, really tight and it hurt,
and he
looked down at me, kind of glaring. And said in his mean voice something
like:
"You know what to do, Princess, come on Vicky." I just shook my head
though, and
kept my mouth closed tight.
He smiled. He always smiles. Then took his hand from my chin and moved
it up my
face and pinched my nose. I kept my mouth shut still, as long as I
could. But I
couldn't breath. I grabbed his hand and tried to pull it away from my
nose but I
couldn't. I felt like I was going to die. I had to take a breath. I
opened my
mouth and gasped for air. Immediately he pushed his friend into my mouth, I
tried to pull back, but of course my head was against the bed, there was no
where to get away. I couldn't even bite him. I didn't even think to try.
I don't
think I'd have been able to anyway. He was too big for my mouth, and it was
forced open so wide that closing my teeth around him would have been hard.
(don't believe me, try it. Put something really big it your mouth so
that your
mouth is forced open wide to the point that your jaw hurts. Then try biting
down. You'll find that it's hard to do. To create any real pressure.)
He let go of my nose as soon as he was into my mouth, and I could breath
through
my nose a little. He let me. Then he started pushing deeper into my
mouth, and I
remember thinking that it felt really funny. I could look up at him, him
kneeling over my mouth, driving deeper into it, he looked so tall. Towering
above me. I gagged.
He pulled out a little, but then did it again. Kept making me gag, I started
crying again. Without making any noise just tears streaming down my face. I
didn't know why he kept doing that. He started moving faster and faster, and
kept ignoring my gagging, and he was making it hard for me to breath
too. I kept
trying to squirm, but he grabbed my head and pushed deeper into my
mouth. and I
felt him start squirting in my mouth, I remember always thinking how
funny it
tasted. But I still couldn't breath good. He finally pulled out of my
mouth and
I started coughing. His cum dribbling down my chin and cheeks.
He climbed off the bed. I just lay there. He turned and told me I'd
better get
off the bed and wash my face before he did it for me. That was enough
encouragement. I got up, and hurried to the bathroom, washed, and got
back into
my own bed. He left me alone the rest of that day.
----------
Still more to cum. I mean come. I have more stories about me and Todd, but I
also have some about me and Maggie. And a few about my mom and Todd and
me. So,
if you want to hear more, let me know, thanks.
Invisible 3
This time I'm going to skip ahead I have many more stories about Todd,
but I'm
going to move ahead in my life to when I was 10. Todd was no longer in
my life
then, but in stories to come I'll go back and tell more stories about
Todd. For
now I'm going to shift gears and tell a little bit about some of my
masturbation
stories. I didn't know what to call it then, didn't know that rubbing
yourself
had a name. But I did it a lot when I was a kid. I guess it had to do
with the
early exposure to sex by Todd. I'm probably going to tell two
experiences here.
And I'm going to share what I thought about when I did it too. Because I
still
remember. Not every time, I don't remember what I thought about. But
there are a
few times I remember really well.
The Baby-sitter-
(another -True- story)
My mother was remarried at this time. Just married less than three months, I
think. We were living in my new step dad's house. And we always had lots of
baby-sitters. Mostly teenage girls, though a few were adults. This time
it was
an teenage girl. I remember at the time I thought she was really old,
but she
was probably about 16. Anyway she came over and was mostly watching TV. I
remember I kept whining because I wanted to make cookies. She kept
telling me
that we couldn't because my mom hadn't given her permission to make
cookies with
us. Finally she got really annoyed with me and told me to go to my room. I
marched upstairs really angry, and laid on the floor in my room crying.
After a while I stopped and decided to change into my pajamas. I pulled
off all
my clothes, with the door of my bedroom wide open. I heard her coming up the
stairs, and I just froze. My heart beating faster, and she came to the door,
quickly apologized and turned to leave. I closed my door, and leaned up
against
it. Running my hands down over my bare tummy. I had a tickly feeling in my
'gina. I reached between my legs and started rubbing a little, and that felt
nice. I'd done this before. I played with my clit... (though in my mind I
remember thinking it was a mini-penis. I thought that's what it was. For
a long
time I didn't know other girls had them too. I thought like I had a
mini-penis.
But, also finding it made me finally really understand why Todd liked me
playing
with his so much. Because playing with my little-penis felt great, so I knew
that he must have felt -really- great with me playing with his big one.
-giggle-
Funny the way kids think.) Anyway, I rubbed my little clit for awhile
and then
stopped when I started getting wet between my legs. I went into my
closet. (I
used to masturbate in my closest a lot. It was private, and was
definitely big
enough for me to have room. I masturbated differently than how I now do,
though
sometimes I still do it the way I did as a kid.)
I went into the closet, and pulled one of my stuffed animals off of the
shelf. I
laid the stuffed animal (a fox I think) on the floor of the closet, and
then I
straddled it, still naked. I sat over its face so that the nose was pressed
against my clit. I started rocking back and forth, pressing down on the
stuffed
animal's face, rubbing quicker and harder.
I kept thinking about my baby-sitter seeing me, and I rubbed even faster,
feeling the fur of the stuffed animal brushing my legs, the little
plastic nose
pressed against my clit. I rubbed in fast little circles, feeling better and
better. I leaned forward, laying on down, my bum in the air, due to the
animal
being under my little 'gina. I kept rubbing and rubbing until it felt so
good
that I felt dizzy, like I had to go tinkle a little. I was breathing
hard, and
even though I still wanted to rub I felt too exhausted. (I didn't have true
orgasms then. I did get to a point that felt really good. And my undies
would
get a little sticky. But nothing like I now know to be an orgasm. More
like mini
orgasms, if you want to call it that. And though it feels a lot better
now, back
then that was the best feeling I knew. I liked it a lot.)
I laid there a little catching my breath. Then I got up slowly, picking
up the
animal and shoving it into the back of my closet. I left the closet, and got
dressed, walked back downstairs to sit next to the baby-sitter girl. She
asked
me what I was doing upstairs, of course I said with a little smile:
"nothing."
- - - - - - - - - -
The Pole-
(another -True- story)
(In the basement of my mom and step dad's there are these poles. Coming
from the
ceiling to the floor. Like beams, I guess. I don't know what they're
for, one
day I decided to try something.)
I don't know where I got the idea, but one day I got the idea that I
wanted to
try something with that pole. I had been eyeing it for days. Thinking. I was
nervous. I knew it was 'bad' to think about rubbing against that pole, but I
wanted to so bad. It was a little after the baby-sitter incident. I was
still
10.
One day when only my step dad was home I went downstairs, and smiled as I
slipped out of all my clothes except my panties. I went over to the pole
(it was
probably about as thick as a dinner plate is round) and I wrapped my
arms around
it. I felt the cold metal against my chest, and my little nipples. I
shivered
but I liked it. I rubbed them against the cold pole. Then kissed the pole
softly. I licked it. It tasted kinda dirty, but I still wanted to have
something
to kiss, so I started kissing the pole a little, pretending it was my
'boyfriend'. As I kissed I tried rubbing my pantied 'gina against the pole.
Rubbing up and down. I did it for awhile, but realized it was kinda
hard, wasn't
comfortable.
I pulled back and thought. Then I finally figured it out. I ran to the
old couch
in the basement and grabbed a pillow off of it. Then I came back to the
pole. I
put the pillow on the ground in front of the pole. Then, I got on my
hands and
knees, my bum facing the pole, and I backed up until my bum touched the
pole. I
laid down on my tummy, and spread my legs, pushing back so that the pole was
between my legs and pressing against my 'gina. The pillow under my lower
tummy,
holding my up and helped press me against the pole. I put my hands on
the cold
cement floor of the basement and started pressing and rubbing back
against the
pole. It kind of hurt a little when I sometimes shoved back against it
too hard,
but I wanted to. I kept doing it.
Pressing and rubbing back against the pole, the pillow half rubbing my
clit too.
I softly moaned, trying to be quiet, knowing I was being bad, but it
felt sooo
good. I rubbed and rubbed until I started feeling the dizzying feeling.
And the
rubbing went faster for a moment, without me thinking about it. And I
loved when
that happened. I laid limp on the basement floor, catching my breath,
and then
finally I rose and put the pillow back, slipped back into my tee-shirt and
pants, and went back upstairs.
- - - - - - - - - -
Well, those are two of my masturbation stories. Next time I think I'm
going back
to me and Todd. I'm not sure yet. What do you think? -giggle-
Until next time,
Invisible 4
Stuff: Goodness, I forgot to tell you all what I looked like when I was
a kid.
Silly me. Don't worry I'll kick myself later for that. Well, in this
next memory
I'm seven, and here's how I looked. I was a few inches under 4' tall. Around
3'8. That sounds kind of short, I think, but I've always been short. I'm
still
rather small now. I had long wavy brown hair that went to just below my
shoulders. I have honey brown eyes that lean a bit toward hazel. -sighs-
Nearly
everyone in my family has straight hazel eyes, everyone except me.
Half Warning- This story, might be more disturbing to some people, than my
others were. So, anyone who wants a "nice" story about kids and adults
ought to
look elsewhere. In this case, Maggie in particular, was unwilling. So,
consider
that your warning. Okay. -giggle- Now the rest of you can read on. Just
felt I
should put a little warning so some weirdo doesn't email me asking why I
didn't
warn them that this one wasn't "nice".
Shopping-
(another -True-)
We weren't really going shopping. Sometimes Todd just used to like to play a
game called "Going Shopping". It was another "secret game" we played in the
basement. The same basement I mentioned in my first story. Only this time we
used the laundry room too. (it was also in the basement, though there
was a door
to enter the laundry room, so it wasn't like one big room or anything.)
Todd would have Maggie and I pull out these big cardboard boxes, and
we'd turn
them upside down. Then we'd take from our room and bring downstairs two
shirts
each and two skirts or pants, They'd be folded and put on the boxes.
Then we'd
play pretend. Like Todd was taking us to the "pretend store". And we'd
look at
the clothes. The laundry room was the "changing room".
This time we were playing shopping, and in this particular game Todd was
having
us pretend that me and him were married, and that we were going shopping
to buy
me some clothes. And Maggie was the lady working at the store. Anyway, I was
shopping and pretending to look at stuff, (funny I was actually liking
to play
pretend, it's like even though I knew what always happened in the "changing
room" I still liked the pretend "shopping" part of the game.) and then I
turned
around and saw Todd with his hand in Maggie's shirt. He was kneeling
behind her
with his hand up under her shirt higher then her tummy.
I froze, and looked at Maggie, her eyes were all wide (she was only 5,
and she
didn't like him touching). So I said something like. "Hey, leave the
store lady
alone, you're supposta be my husband!" having my hands on my hips the whole
time. And Todd kinda laughed a little, and took his hand out of Maggie's
shirt,
and came back over to me, and kissed me. I never really liked kissing
because I
didn't like having his tongue in my mouth, I made a face.
He handed me an outfit and told me to change into it. So I went to the
laundry
room, and closed the door. Took off the clothes I had on, and starting
getting
dressed again, and I heard Maggie crying before I finished. I got
dressed really
quickly and ran out to see what was going on.
Todd had her laying on the floor with his pants down, pushing his
"friend" in
her mouth. I started screaming for him to stop. He got up. As soon as he
was up
I shut up. He moved over to me so quickly I didn't even have time to
react. He
grabbed my arm and yanked me to the side. It hurt. He was talking to me in a
kinda quiet voice. Saying stuff like I'd better start being good or he'd
really
hurt Maggie. And that I better stop making Maggie more afraid. I was the big
sister and I should show Maggie how nice it is so she'll stop crying. Kept
saying that my screaming was only going to make her hurt more. He told
me I had
to go over to Maggie and tell her I was sorry for screaming or he'd be
really
mean.
He let go of my arm, and I went over to her and knelt beside her. I said
nice
things. Probably stuff like: "It's okay, Mag, I'm sorry. Don't cry." I kinda
cradled her head. "Don't be sad. I promise it's okay." She stopped crying. I
mean, I was her big sister. She wasn't going to not believe me.
Todd came back over, I looked up at him. He told me to kiss Maggie's
tears away.
So I bent down, her head still cradled in my lap, and starting kissing her
cheeks. (at the time I didn't really know why Todd wanted me to do that.
Actually, I thought he was being really nice, letting me kiss her cheeks. I
thought maybe he was even going to stop playing today. I didn't get
turned on or
anything kissing her cheeks, I was seven, didn't even look at my sister that
way.. then.) Todd told me that was enough, and I lifted my head, and
Todd was
rubbing his hand on his "friend". And he kneeled down again and told me
to kiss
it. I moved away from Mag and she stayed laying on the floor, and I
scooted a
little closer to Todd, and kissed his friend on the end softly. Then I kept
kissing, and even licking a little, (I was hoping that he'd just play
with me
instead) and I opened my mouth and sucked on him a little.
He started calling me a "good girl" then, and I felt a little better
again. I
liked making people happy, even if I wasn't really happy doing it. (was
strange,
I'm kinda still like that. -giggle-) Then he pushed me back a little,
not hard
or anything. And he asked Maggie if she was watching. And she must have
nodded,
cause he said good. And then something like: "I want you to try that too,
Maggie." (Maggie never got to be called Princess, just me -smiles-) And
he moved
over her, like straddling her, and put his friend to her lips, and she
kissed a
little. I just sat there, watching, not knowing what else to do.
He rubbed his "friend" across her lips and they got all wet, and he kept
telling
her to open her mouth a little, and she did. He kept moving in and out
of her
mouth for a little, then he stopped, and told me he wanted to show me
something.
He climbed off Maggie and pulled off her pants, she never fought him,
unless you
count when she cried sometimes. And he ran his finger over her 'gina
slit. Then
told me to do it. I wasn't scared to do that, I knew that wouldn't hurt
her, so
I reached out and touched her, kinda touching longer than he did. (I
never saw
what a 'gina looked like. I tried to look between my legs more than
once, but it
was hard to do, I was really curious about this.) He asked me if I wanted to
kiss her there. I said no. He said I could keep touching if I wanted to.
He said
if I did it'd make her feel better when he was having her suck his
friend. So, I
kept touching her 'gina, and he moved over her again. His bum right there
practically in my face. I remember thinking that was funny. (strange the
things
kids think. I was seven. At that age bums were funny.) I rubbed my
fingers over
her 'gina, and tried to remember how Todd rubbed me sometimes, when it felt
good.
Todd was pushing in her mouth again, and pushing deep from what I could
tell,
and I wondered if she gagged when he did that, like how it made me. I
couldn't
tell. I couldn't see her face anyway. I started touching between her
legs again.
Wiggling my fingers in a little and rubbing, she was warm inside. I kept
feeling, it felt nice on my fingers, all smooth. I didn't mind at all,
and Todd
said that it'd make her feel better, so I kept rubbing and feeling, and
tickling
her a little.
Finally Todd made a grunting noise, and pulled out of Maggie's mouth. And he
climbed off her. She had his white stuff coming out of her mouth, and
all over
her face, and she had tears on her cheeks. I quickly hugged her, and
kissed her,
and told her it was okay. Todd went upstairs. He knew I knew how to
clean up.
I did. Going to the laundry room and getting one of the fuzzy blue bath
towels
(used, but I knew the blue ones were Mommy's so it was okay) and sat
back near
Maggie and wiped her mouth and tears, and then helped get her dressed,
and went
upstairs with her. I opened the freezer, got out the ice-cream, and made
her a
milk shake (or as good as I could) and told her jokes, and sat on the
floor at
her feet while she sat in the kitchen chair. I softly tickled her toes a
little,
and continued telling jokes until she was giggling again.
- - - - - - - - - -
The next story I write will be "nicer" promise. -smiles- Had to write
that one
though. Now I look back on it and kinda like it. Actually I wish I'd
kissed her
'gina then. Oh well. And, oddly, Maggie doesn't remember that. I asked
her about
it once, when I was about 15. I was talking to her about Todd, and
asking about
what she remembered. And she didn't remember much. It's unfortunate. Now
I'll
never know whether or not that made her gag. -sighs- I'm assuming it must
have...
Until next time, Kiddies.
~Invisible Girl
invisible_girl@kittymail.com