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Subject: Confessions 5 of 5
Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2004 18:02:02 -0700
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===================
Confessions 5 of 5
Henrik Larsen
The next couple of days were difficult, but in a way they were good too.
A lot of things happened, a lot of new things. We all changed and I
guess we learned a lot too; about ourselves and each other.
Mom and dad were there. Not that they hadn't always been there, even
though it might have sounded like they weren't. They had been there, but
for the first time they tried to involve themselves in Annie's feeling
and mine.
Mom was at least partially right, when she said she had been too good at
hiding her feelings. But both mom and dad tried now. They tried to
understand what had happened and why. So did I.
Sunday was a strange day. Of course, we were all terribly worried about
Annie and her state of mind. We tried our best to treat her with all the
love we could master. In that respect, we did really well. But it was
still a very tense atmosphere. I didn't know how to approach the whole
situation; the suicide and Annie's mental state. I don't think mom and
dad knew what to do either. It was all terribly awkward at times.
On Monday, the bubble burst. In the middle of lunch, Annie suddenly
stopped mom in a middle of the very neutral conversation we'd had all day.
'Please stop,' Annie said, sounding tired. 'I can't take this beating
around the bush. I tried to commit suicide and I don't want you to act
like it never happened. I need to talk about it and I think you do too.'
'I'm sorry, Annie,' mom answered, 'but I think you are the one that has
to start the conversation. I think we all are on thin ice here and
terribly scared of hurting you again. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not
afraid of talking about it, I just don't know what to say.'
'I . . . I guess you're right. I just don't know how to begin either. I
mean, you're the adults . . . you . . . I want to talk about it . . . I
want to explain but . . . I don't want . . . I don't want you all to be
. . . sad or feel guilty. I've . . . thought a lot about it and . . .
there were a lot of different things getting me down . . . but . . . I
guess most of it was myself . . . overreacting.'
'Annie,' dad said and reached over the table to take Annie's hand.
'Maybe you overreacted, maybe you should have said something, but you're
alive and the important thing here is to make sure you don't get there
again. That doesn't mean we don't want to talk about what made you feel
that way. But don't start feeling guilty about what happened. You've had
a hard time and we haven't been the best help for you. But it's not
because we don't want to help you. You have always seemed to be able to
cope with your life and I guess it was too easy for us to assume that
everything was fine as long as you didn't say anything. It was our
fault. I wish I could do it all over again and do it right. But it's no
good now and it serves no purpose to blame myself for what happened,
either. We all had our part in it and we will all help you back on your
feet.'
Annie's eyes filled with tears.
'I know I should have said something,' she whispered, 'but . . . I don't
know . . . I'm so confused. I just don't want to go on like . . . like
being some kind of freak . . . a mental case . . . I want to talk about
it and . . . I do want to get beyond it. I want . . .'
Annie gave up trying to explain. Mom took over. Her voice was thick.
'You're not a freak Annie and we can talk about it as much as you want.
I think . . . it's difficult in the beginning, but we'll all learn.'
I wanted to say something too; I just didn't know what to say. Instead,
I took Annie's hand, the one dad wasn't holding, and squeezed it
lightly. Annie let go of dad's hand and got up. I was about to get up
too, thinking Annie wanted to go up to her room. She stopped me and sat
down on my lap, burying her face in my neck. I put my arms around her
shaking body and she cried; really crying. I suddenly felt so strong. I
held her, whispering comforting words in her ear. Just like mom used to
do when I was little and I had fallen and hurt my knee.
I'd never seen dad cry, but I'm sure he wiped a tear off his cheek, when
I looked over at him. I couldn't see mom, but her eyes were red, when
Annie finally calmed and lifted her face from my shoulder.
'I'm sorry,' Annie said.
'Don't be,' I answered, soothing. 'It helps to cry, right mom?'
'It does,' mom said smiling, almost starting to cry again.
It did. Not so much to cry, but it helped to talk, to get it out in the
open. We talked and there were lots to talk about. Gradually, we all
began to come to terms with Annie's suicide attempt, but there were
other problems that needed to be tackled.
Annie was tired for some time after the suicide attempt. She had lost a
lot of blood and it took some time to regenerate it. If she got up too
quickly, she would get dizzy and she couldn't take much physical strain.
The first week, she stayed at home, but she didn't want to miss too much
school and, by the second week, she felt she had to go to school.
Physically, she wasn't really up to it, but Annie insisted. She wanted
to go to school. We discussed it, mom, dad, Annie and me. Annie and I
weren't in the same class, so I couldn't be there all the time to help
her. If she wanted to go to school so soon, she would have to explain
her condition to her classmates and the teachers. Dad tried to come up
with a suitable excuse, but Annie had already thought about it.
'No, I'm going to tell it like it is,' she said. 'I might be able to
explain why I'm so tired and all, but it will be bloody hard to explain
the bandages on my wrists. I might as well get it out in the open. It
worked pretty well here didn't it?' She added with a grin.
'Do you think that's a good idea?' mom asked a little worried.
I don't know what worried mom most, Annie's reputation or her mental state.
'Yes, I think it's better than trying to hide it. Somebody is bound to
guess it anyway and then the gossip will start.' Annie said.
'You're right, but don't expect it to be easy. A lot of your friends and
classmates will probably find it very difficult and embarrassing,' dad said.
Annie hesitated.
'I know but . . . it's still better than hearing the whispering in the
corners and the odd looks. I'll face it, I have to,' she said, determined.
Annie was tense when dad drove us to school Monday morning. He and Annie
had spoken with her teacher on Sunday. Dad asked if Annie wanted to
wait. Annie had always been stubborn and this was no exception. She was
nervous but she was determined to go through with it. I offered to be
with her and be there, while she told them, but she declined. Maybe, it
was more for my own sake than hers. I don't really know what I could
have done.
Annie looked much more relaxed, when I saw her again after the first class.
'How did it go? How did they take it?' I wanted to know.
'It was . . . a little difficult but I did it and everybody was so
sweet. I mean, when I'd explain what had happened and all, I told them
what dad had said. You know, that I knew that they might feel
uncomfortable about it and they didn't have to, you know, be afraid to
talk about it, but it would be ok if they didn't, too,' she said and
hesitated a little. 'And they kind of . . . you know, they all hugged me
and I began to cry. It was . . . good. I mean, I know it's not over yet,
but right now, it feels like I've done the right thing. I'm sure I have.'
We embraced and kissed deeply. I didn't think about it until later, but
it was the first time we'd done that in public. It was a relief not to
have to tell a lot of lies about what had happened to Annie. However,
even though it went well the first day, there were a few incidents
later. One of them was concerning Anton.
He was a senior and I didn't really know him, but one of the guys on my
gym team did. He told me Anton had been really upset, when he found out
about Annie's suicide attempt. He didn't know how to handle it. Maybe he
felt guilty. At first, he avoided Annie. Perhaps she should have taken
the initiative and talked to him, but they never got around to talking.
After a while, Anton began to act really shitty, telling everybody that
Annie had tried to kill herself, because he had broken up with her. He
acted as if he was proud of it. I think that was the one incident that
hurt Annie the most.
I had one problem of my own. Considering what Annie had done, I felt
really bad about having to tell Camilla that it only had been a little
flirt. I mean, I knew she was fond of me and we had been a little
intimate at the party, even though we weren't going steady or anything
like that.
I hadn't had time to think about it over the weekend, so I faced the
problem Monday morning, completely unprepared. I was blushing and
stuttering, when suddenly, I was face to face with Camilla. I did manage
to tell her that we couldn't see each other but we still could be
friends but it was so embarrassing and felt like it took ages. She
didn't get mad or upset, thank God, but we didn't talk very much afterwards.
It was as if Annie's mental restitution was over faster than the
physical. It probably really wasn't like that; even though her spirits
were considerably lifted, once she was back in school and the first week
had passed.
Regenerating the lost blood took time. She had to take it easy for
several weeks. No gymnastics, no physical training and lots of sleep.
That also meant no sex. The doctor told her it would take three months,
before she was back to normal. Since she was in good shape, she could
slowly start gymnastics training after six weeks, if she felt up to it.
Annie had kind of assumed that it was the same, when it came to sex. She
hadn't dared ask.
Funny, but it didn't matter all that much the first couple of weeks. We
would sleep together in her bed or mine, trying not to push each other
out of the narrow beds. We could have moved one of the beds, putting
them together in one room, but somehow we didn't want to do that. Mom
and dad still had to get used to us as a couple, not siblings and even
though they never said anything, I think it affected us. I mean, they
knew we had had sex, at least mom did, but it was never mentioned.
After 5 weeks, our lust began to grow. The closeness was good and we
enjoyed lying naked together, but it was a long time and, as Annie felt
better and better, she also began to feel the need to do more than just
lie together. I had felt the urge a lot earlier than that, but I didn't
try to push it. I mean, the first night I was lying naked next to Annie,
my dick reacted immediately, even though I hadn't as much as considered
doing anything. I had explained to her that it was kind of a reflex
reaction and she was kind of flattered that she had that effect on me.
We began to talk about the "deadline", the day we could have sex again.
We planned it a week ahead. Annie was already feeling up to it, but she
didn't dare start before the six weeks had passed.
'Saturday,' Annie said, lying with her back to me like spoons, my erect
dick nestling between her buttocks.
'Do you think you can wait?' I teased her, having detected a hint of
arousal in her voice.
'I have to. But next time I try to commit suicide, I'll use pills or
something. Then I won't have to wait so long afterwards,' she joked.
'Don't even considered it! I'll kill you if you try again!' I replied in
the same tone.
Annie took a deep breath.
'It's just six more days,' she said, with more than a hint of excitement
in her voice.
'Yeah, six days!' I repeated, my dick twitching involuntarily between
her buttocks.
We lay in silence for a while.
'Dan?' Annie asked.
'Uh-Hu,' I mumbled, sleepy.
'It will be . . . like something special . . . kind of the first time,
officially. You know, as a real couple,' she said.
'Uh-Hu,' I mumbled again.
'I . . . want it to be special . . . I want it to be something to
remember,' Annie said and turned to face me.
'What do you mean?' I asked and opened my eyes.
'I . . . wanted to ask you . . . I mean, if you don't want to, it's ok .
. . if you don't think it's . . . proper,' Annie said.
'You know I will do anything you ask,' I said, reassuringly.
'I know, I mean . . . I only want to do it if you want to too,' she
said, flustered.
'What is it?' I asked, very awake.
'I . . . would like to try . . . you know . . . what we'd . . . I was
fantasising about . . . I mean,' Annie was, for once, timid but finally
she came around to it. 'I want to try to take you . . . from behind . .
. you know . . . in the bum.'
'Are you sure?' I asked surprised, having discarded any thoughts of that
a long time ago, thinking Annie didn't want to do it.
'Yes but . . . you have to . . . help me prepare and . . . I mean, I'll
wash very carefully and all but . . . I don't know if . . . Jane say it
isn't dirty but . . . do you think it's disgusting?' Annie asked.
'No,' I said, 'I've been . . . fantasising about it sometimes . . .
after we talked about it.'
'It will be a little like . . . like losing my virginity,' Annie said,
more composed now. 'I want . . . lose it with you. I mean, you were my
first and the only one, but I . . . had broken the seal myself.'
'How?' I asked. I had assumed it had broken during gymnastics or
something like that.
'I got a little carried away one day and I did it with my fingers.'
It was funny, but she seemed much more at ease, talking about
masturbating than asking if I wanted to make love to her from behind. In
a way, I found that a little strange. And, at that instant, I was more
interested in the latter.
'Do you really want to do it?' I asked again.
'Yes, if you want to. I . . . you have to be gentle and help me prepare
for it. I talked to Jane . . . after we . . . you know, and she said
that I . . . you would have to . . . use a finger first and then . . .
two to . . . help me get used to . . . having something in me.'
'I'll do anything you ask me. I don't want to hurt you,' I said,
reassuringly.
'I know you don't. Jane said that if I was well prepared and relaxed, it
wouldn't hurt at all; it would feel so good.' Annie said, sounding quite
enthusiastic.
'I'm ready,' I said.
'So am I,' Annie sighed, 'but we have to wait until Saturday. The doctor
said six weeks. We better go to sleep now.'
'I think that is easier said than done,' I moaned.
'You want me to go into my own bed?' Annie asked, probably joking.
'No way,' I said and pulled her closer to me.
We did fall asleep, of course. But the next six days were really hard to
get through. We talked about it every night. I had to masturbate every
day, sometimes twice. I don't know how Annie kept herself from
exploding. On Saturday, I don't think my dick was soft for more than an
hour, max.
By a stroke of luck, my parents were going out that Saturday. They were
going to leave at six o'clock and, as soon as they were out the door, I
was ready.
'I need to wash first,' Annie said and wriggled herself out of my arms
after the first kiss.
'Okay,' I said, very aroused. 'I'll be waiting.'
I had already showered. I took off my clothes and proceed to arrange the
mattresses on the floor and take the lid off the Vaseline. I felt like
she was showering for hours but finally she came out from the bathroom.
She blushed all the way down to her breasts, when she saw me.
'I'm very clean now,' she said, blushing a very deep red colour.
'You are so beautiful!' It blurted out of me, but I really meant it. She
was so beautiful.
'I love you so much,' I added.
'I love you too,' Annie said and nestled close to me.
We kissed and I guided her down on the mattresses. In spite of our (at
least mine) urge to get on with it, we took time to just feel each
other, kissing and letting our hands explore. We rediscovered each
other. The past six weeks, we had touched each other, but we had
subconsciously avoided exciting each other. I don't think Annie had
touched my dick with her hands once and I hadn't touched her breasts or
pussy with my hands. Now, we could do it. Annie was very wet, when my
fingers reached her pussy.
'I think you forgot to use the towel down here,' I said, more outspoken
that I usually was.
'I'm so hot,' she gasped.
'I think I can do something about that,' I said, kissing her tits and
moving down.
'No . . . I don't want to come before you're in me,' she said. 'Let's .
. . start . . .'
'To prepare your bum?' I finished for her.
'Yes.'
'Are you sure? You sound a little . . . insecure about it,' I asked.
'Yes. I'm just . . . It's kind of . . . kinky and . . . I know it's
silly but . . . It feels like we are about to do something . . . forbidden.'
I thought about it for a moment. In a way, I was feeling the same, only
I had forgotten all about the "forbidden" part of it and was left with a
feeling of being about to do something kinky and very exciting.
'It still excites you, doesn't it?' I asked.
'God yes! But . . . it also scares me a little. I mean, it can hurt.'
'I'll be very careful and stop if it hurt. I'm sure this night will be
something to remember, even if we do it like we always do,' I said,
trying to calm her fear.
'No, I want to do it! And I want to come with you in me. I want this
night to be very special,' she insisted.
'Okay. Do you want me to start preparing you?' I asked, knowing how
stubborn she could be, once she wanted something.
'Yes please,' she replied, relieved.
I took the vaseline and crawled down between Annie's spread legs. She
pulled up her legs, exposing herself.
'Begin with your little finger,' Annie suggested.
I coated my little finger with a generous amount of vaseline. Looking at
her tiny, crinkled opening, I suddenly found it very hard to believe
that my dick would ever be able to penetrate her without ripping her.
But if Jane had done it, it had to be possible.
Very cautiously, I pressed my little finger against her arse. Much to my
surprise, it slipped in almost without meeting any resistance. In no
time at all, it was imbedded to the first joint.
'Does it hurt? Are you okay?' I asked a little anxiously.
'It's ok. It feels . . . funny, but it doesn't hurt. It feels . . . kind
of good,' Annie replied.
I eased it in to the next joint. Annie's breathing was quickening.
'Stop me if it hurts,' I said, as I slowly pressed it deeper.
'It's . . . exciting,' Annie replied with a relieved giggled.
Very slowly, I eased all of my little finger into her bum. I moved it
back a forth a few times.
'Still good?' I asked.
'Yes . . . try your index finger instead,' Annie replied.
For the first time, the thought of getting my fingers soiled crossed my
mind. I watched my finger as it popped out of her bum, but it looked
clean. I think I was a little relieved. My index finger got a vaseline
coating and slipped in almost as easily as my little finger. I was very
careful not to be too rash. Steadily, it entered her until it was all in.
'How does it feel?' I asked.
'Good and a little bigger,' she said, panting a little more than before.
I leaned forward and let my tongue circle her clit.
'Don't,' Annie gasped. 'If you do that I will come in two seconds. I . .
. want to wait.'
I obliged. Instead, I just moved my finger slowly in and out to help her
get used to it, like we had talked about all week. Jane had given Annie
some directions as to how she, or I, should prepare her for the final
penetration. She gripped my finger tightly and it seemed even more
unlikely that I ever would get my dick into that tiny opening.
'Try your thumb,' Annie said after a while.
My index finger was longer than my little finger, but it still didn't
look soiled, when I pulled it out. My vaseline coated thumb met a little
more resistance, but I worked it in slowly. It was almost double the
thickness of my index finger and I was beginning to be afraid that it
would hurt Annie. Annie moaned a little as it stretch the tight ring and
slipped in.
'Did it hurt?' I asked.
'No . . . but it feels big,' Annie panted.
'Are you ready for the rest of it?' I asked to make sure before I continued.
'Yes,' Annie replied without hesitating.
Slowly, the first joint passed the tight ring of muscles and my thumb
disappeared into her. The thick second joint made her moan again. I
really thought that was it.
'Did I hurt you?' I quickly asked, ready to pull back.
'No . . . I just feel a little . . . stuffed,' Annie gasped back.
'You are,' I replied. 'My thumb is all the way.'
'Try to . . . move it,' Annie said.
Once again, the tight ring of muscle had to give way for the thick thumb
joint. Annie moaned, but now it began to sound like she was enjoying
this. After a while, she began to move her hips against my thumb as it
slowly moved in and out of her bum. It looked obscene but terribly exciting.
'I think I'm . . . ready for you,' Annie gasped.
'Are you sure? My dick is thicker than my thumb. A lot thicker,' I said,
slightly worried about the change of plans. I was supposed to use two
fingers now and then my dick.
'I'm ready . . . ' she gasped. 'I need you now. It doesn't matter if it
hurts a little. It's supposed to hurt when you lose your virginity,' she
added, trying to giggle while she was panting.
'You're in charge, but please promise to tell me to stop if I'm hurting
you,' I said.
'I will, just do it.' Annie said and as soon as my thumb had left her
bum, she turned around and got up on her hands and knees. She looked so
inviting, both her pussy and her tiny entrance. Her pussy was very red
and swollen. I couldn't recall if I'd ever seen her so wet before. Small
droplets were running down her inner thighs.
Annie's bum was thoroughly greased with vaseline, but I didn't want to
take any risk and gave my dick a good coating too. I was ready. I got up
on my knees behind her and positioned my cock at the entrance. It looked
impossible, simply impossible. But I didn't care. I had never been more
excited, consciously excited. I mean, I was very excited the first times
I did something with Annie, but this time I was so much more aware.
Annie felt the head touched her. She took a deep breath and tried to relax.
'Careful,' she whispered as a signal for me to go on.
'I will. Please tell me if it hurts,' I replied.
Very slowly, I increased the pressure. I don't think my dick had ever
been so hard before, but I wasn't thinking about it. If I had been
thinking about it, I would probably have come on the spot. It was so
exciting, but again I was concerned that it would hurt her. It looked so
impossible. I tried to brace myself with the thought that Jane had done
it, but it still occupied my mind. Which in a way was good, because it
definitely kept me from coming from sheer excitement.
Nothing happened at first. Annie's bum was tightly sealed and didn't
give at all. I tried to massage the lower part of her back to help her
relax, but it didn't help much. Nothing happened. Again, I increased the
pressure. Maybe I had been too generous with the vaseline. My dick
slipped and I had to start over again. We both giggled nervously and
perhaps relieved at the little mishap.
This time I held on to my dick as I increased the pressure. The head
slowly began to stretch the tender skin.
'Does . . . it hurt,' I asked, realising that I was breathing very
heavily, almost as if I was doing 100 push-ups.
'No, is it in?' Annie asked in return.
'No, just the tip,' I said, prompting an impatient sigh from Annie.
'Push hard and let's get it over with,' Annie said.
I tried to assess how much more she would have to stretch to accommodate
the thickest part of the head. With half the head in, she was dilated
approximately as much as the first joint of my thumb dilated her. I was
going to tear her up, if I just forced the rest in rapidly. I chose to
ignore her command and pressed on slowly.
Slowly and cautiously I pressed on. Annie was resting her head on the
pillow and holding her breath. All of a sudden, the head popped into her
and the ring closed behind the rim.
'Ouuuch,' Annie yelped, arching her back.
'Are you ok?' I asked, anxiously.
'Yes . . . ' she gasped, 'just . . . hold it there, okay.'
She was breathing rapidly, but tried to get her breathing under control,
taking a deep breath. It felt as if she was trying to bite off the head
of my dick, but as she regained control of herself, the pressure eased
slightly. Or maybe I just got used to it. I waited a minute, maybe more.
'Slowly,' she gasped.
I pushed in a fraction of in inch.
'Oh God . . . slowly . . . oh God, oh, oh, oh . . . slowly,' Annie
moaned, almost whimpered as I pushed in a tiny bit at a time.
It was an absurd, but extremely exciting sight to see my dick disappear
into her bum. My mind was racing. It was possible and we were doing it!
It was nothing like my fantasies, it was even more exciting.
In my state of excitement, I interpreted Annie's moans and whimpers as
signs of her excitement. Half my dick was in her, before she asked me to
stop.
'Am I hurting you,' I asked, the fright returning.
'How . . . how much is in now?' she asked, not answering my question.
'Half, I think.'
'I . . . try to pull back a little,' she gasped, before she buried her
head in the pillow again.
I retracted slowly, until only the head was in her. Then, I moved
forward again. It felt easier this time and I did it a little faster.
Two thirds of my dick slipped into her, before I pulled back again.
Annie lifted her head.
'Oh God Dan . . . make . . . me . . . come,' she whimpered.
I had to lean forward over her to reach her pussy with one hand,
steadying myself on her buttock with the other.
'Oh God yes . . . Ooooh God . . . no, no, no . . . oh God oh, oh, oh
gaaawd,'
Annie's whimpers grew in strength and she began to shudder. I moved
steadily and rubbed her clit. It sounded like she was really close
already. She held her breath, then started to almost scream.
'Ooooooooooooh myyyyyy Gaaaawd . . . NooooooooooOOOOOOO . . .
oooooooohhhh . . . I can't . . . nooooooo . . . ooooooOOOOOOHHH YEEESSSS
. . .' Annie screamed at the top of her lungs, only slightly muffled by
the pillow.
Her body jerked like she was getting electric shocks. She alternated
between screaming yes and no. It was exciting but the intensity made it
kind of scary too. Her jerking didn't coincide with anything I did, so I
just continued. There was no sign that she had come, at least she hadn't
reached the point where she would normally want me to stop. Not that any
of her reactions were normal, but I don't think I was thinking about that.
I was briefly thinking that it was a good thing mom and dad weren't
home. If it hadn't been for the pillow, I might have had to worry about
the neighbours hearing us. Annie's cries grew louder and more incoherent
until she just whimpered and screamed.
Suddenly, she tensed and stretched her legs. It took my support away and
I more or less fell down on top of her still upturned arse. I had pulled
back, but my dick was forced very rapidly into her, deeper than it had
been before.
'OOOOOOOH GAAAAAWD, OOOOOOHH NOOOOOOOOOOOO!' Annie squealed with a very
high pitched voice.
Her hips moved violently up and down. My hand was forced away from her
clit and my dick moved very rapidly in her tight bum. It was like riding
a wild bull and it was just too much for me. I hadn't consciously been
holding back, but seeing, or rather hearing Annie come, brought me
there, too.
My orgasm was almost as powerful as Annie's sounded. Annie's bum
contracted so hard around my dick it felt like I couldn't come at all.
Of course, it didn't stop me from coming, it only felt that way. I came
like I hadn't had an orgasm for six weeks.
Annie was squealing and shaking under me for a long time. Then we both
collapsed, completely exhausted. I realised I was lying with my full
weight on Annie and got up on my elbows. I could hardly support myself.
In my mind, she had got what she aimed for; we were going to remember
our lovemaking this particular night.
'Are you okay Annie,' I asked, still panting heavily.
'I . . . think so,' Annie gasped, hardly audible, because she still had
her face in the pillow.
'It was . . . fantastic,' I gasped and kissed her neck.
Annie raised her head and turned to look at me as much as she could. Her
face was flushed and hot, her eyes red and slightly swollen, but she was
smiling.
'It . . . was so wonderful,' she said.
Two wet spots on the pillow caught my eye.
'You've been crying! It hurt, didn't it? Why didn't you say something?'
I asked, suddenly feeling very bad about it all.
'No . . . yes, it did hurt, but it got better,' Annie said. 'It hurt in
the beginning, but when I had gotten used to it, felt good. I mean it
still hurt, a little but it felt good too. Then it just felt good.'
She had to stop to catch her breath again.
'Then when I was about to come, I hurt a little again and I couldn't let
go. Every time I was just about to go over the top, it hurt. Or maybe I
was just afraid it would hurt. I don't think it actually did. I wanted
to come, but at the same time, I didn't dare. I mean, it wasn't
something deliberate, it just felt that way. And it felt like I had a
thousand small peaks. It just dragged it out and kept me on the edge for
a long time. Suddenly, I couldn't hold it back any more. I just came and
it didn't hurt. At least I don't think it did. It was so overpowering.
It was just so fantastic. I don't think I have ever felt anything like it.'
'But it still hurt enough to make you cry,' I said, still not convinced.
Annie nodded.
'It hurt like hell. But I wanted it and Jane had told me that if it did
hurt in the beginning, it would stop pretty quickly,' she said and added
with a smiled, 'She hadn't told me it would hurt so much.'
'You're so stubborn. But I love you,' I said and kiss her as well as I
could in that position.
My cock was still hard. I think Annie's tight bum kept the blood from
running back. My back and my arms were beginning to feel the strain it
took keeping my weight off Annie.
'Think I'd better pull out now?' I asked.
'Okay. You are a bit heavy,' she replied.
I pulled out and rolled over next to her. Annie yelped.
'Ouch.'
'Did I hurt you again?'
'God, I'm sore,' she replied and squeezed her legs and buttocks tightly
together with a painful look on her face.
'Oh Annie, why didn't you stop me? It must have been so painful. Why did
you let me hurt you like that?' I asked, really distressed by the fact
that I had caused her so much pain.
'It didn't hurt all the time and I . . . I don't know. I mean, I didn't
know it would end up feeling so good, but . . . I just wanted to do it
and . . . I guess I was afraid . . . I didn't want to disappoint you.'
She replied.
'But you know I would never ever want to do something that would hurt
you,' I said, trying not to sound angry. 'Please promise me never ever
to do anything like that again.'
'But it did feel good in the end,' Annie said, defensively.
'But you didn't know it would. You made me hurt you. I love you so much
Annie and the last thing I want to do is hurt you.'
'Hey, I didn't know you would care all that much,' Annie said, obstinately.
'Christ Annie. What does it take to make you understand that I care for
you? I love you. Why can't you believe it? I thought that was what that
suicide was all about,' I almost yelled, but I regretted it as soon as I
had said it.
'But I do know!' Annie protested, tears filling her eyes. 'I didn't mean
it like that.'
'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it, only . . . you scare me when you
do something like that.'
'I didn't think of it that way,' Annie said and wiped a tear off her
cheek. 'I . . . I wish I'd talked to you instead of . . . cutting
myself, but . . . I just want to forget about it.'
I thought about it for a moment. I wanted to forget about it too; I
thought I had, in a way. But there was something left inside, a fear I
guess, a fear that I would do something that would make her do it again.
I don't know if it was that clear to me back then, but I felt something
like that.
'I love you so much, Annie. The last thing I want to do is hurt you in
any way. I want to forget too. I just want you to be sure that I love
you.' I said quietly.
'I am,' Annie said.
We hugged each other really tight for a long time. When we let go, Annie
dried her eyes and smiled weakly.
'I think we'd better clean up a bit,' she said, 'but I'm not sure I can
walk.'
She wasn't kidding. I had to support her on the way to the bathroom and
I had to help her into the shower. She was really sore back there, but
the shower seemed to help. I tried not to, but I couldn't help thinking
that she tried to hide the pain to avoid hurting me. Maybe I was wrong,
maybe the shower did help. I didn't dare ask.
After we had eaten and were sitting in the living room, Annie lying on
the sofa because she didn't feel comfortable sitting up, she suddenly
turned to me with a big smile.
'You know what?' she asked, rhetorically. 'I'll only remember that
fantastic orgasm you gave me. It was soooo wonderful.'
I could only agree, although I wasn't sure I'd be able to forget the
rest. Maybe I didn't need to. Maybe I could get rid of my fear instead.
I guess I did learn.
And yes, cousins can marry.