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NNTP-Posting-Date: Wed, 27 Feb 2008 18:51:57 -0600
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From: Altan <altan1@bigfoot.DOnotSPAM.com>
Date: Thu, 28 Feb 2008 00:51:57 +0000
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d
Subject: Re: {ASSD} *Sigh* Just stick it on the bottom of the pile, Muse.
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References: <87tzk3jdwf.fsf@speakeasy.net>
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On Wed, 20 Feb 2008 17:29:04 -0800, Elf M. Sternberg <elf@speakeasy.net> wrote:
> In my best Oh-Gods-What-Now voice: "Yes, Muse?"
>
> "You know that story you really like? The one by Ted Chiang? Hell is
> the Absence of God?"
>
> Really slowly: "Yeah?"
>
> "What if it were a sex comedy?"
>
>
>
> There's an angel on my roof. I have no idea what to say to her.
>
> Jill and I were walking home from the movies when she just dropped
> out of the night sky in front of us. You know the scene-- broad
> wings, bright smile, cheerful expression. This one wore a silky
> top that criss-crossed her chest like something out of Star Trek,
> thigh-high white boots, and that was it. Her crotch was
> completely exposed. She was as smooth and hairless as a statue,
> and that whole "encompassed by light" thing seemed? Focused right
> there. "Gabriel!" she shouted. Oh, did she shout. Think
> commanding voice of Heaven mixed with your worst schoolgirl squeal
> of delight. Some people on the street with us stared. The rest
> of them ran for cover. I mean, it's still an angel.
>
> Me? I cringed. You've read the Bible, right? Whenever God wants
> to deliver bad news, he sends you an angel. They appeared to Lot
> just before Sodom and Gomorrah got nuked. The best news an angel
> ever delivered in the Bible is to Mary: "Surprise, you're an
> underage unwed mother!" Guess that "abstinence only" thing is
> only 99.99% effective.
>
> Jill was gripping my arm so hard there were going to be bruises.
> The angel looked confused. "You are Gabriel Reece, right?"
>
> "Uh... yeah."
>
> "Good!" she said. Celstial smile. She could shill for
> Ultra-Brite. She dropped to the ground like an Olympic skater,
> folded her wings and made them disappear. The big white halo
> stayed, hovering an inch above her head. "I'm here to protect
> you."
>
> "Oh no," Jill said. I felt the chill from her spine all the way
> over in mine. Because angels, when they appear, things happen.
> You can't be sure what. You just know that Heaven has its reasons
> and they're in-fucking-effable to you and me and that's all you
> need to know and just you never want to be involved. Some of the
> good things and bad things in life are just accidents, and some
> are interventions from beyond. Angels appear on TV now and then.
> More often now than then.
>
> So when Heaven sends you a beautiful, blond angel with a Wynona
> Rider haircut and not much else in the way of clothing and she
> says she's here to protect you, you know you've become involved up
> to your eyeballs. You are now officially effed. "From what?"
>
> "Dunno. I wasn't told."
>
> I did not ask "Not told by who?" The answer to that is kind of
> obvious, don't you think?
>
> *Sigh* Someday...
>
> Elf
>
Definitely a story I would want to read...
A.
--
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