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From: rache <rache696@yahoo.com>
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Subject: {ASSD} Writing
Date: Thu, 26 Apr 2007 19:58:47 -0700
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I was writing an email, answering one, regarding creative writing and
the methods and procedures used. That seemed a little like asking a
freight train how to make a rainbow...How the hell do I know? My
writing is accidental at best, meaning it is ugly and violent, and
most often hurts. I wish that were mere modesty on my part, but I'm
much more egotistical than that.
Here then is my official writing guide, which I am calling "The
Rachael Ross Guide to Writing Even More Better Than Your Sister"
Surprisingly, I do get a number of requests every week for help with
writing in one way or another. Sometimes that number is zero, which
may or may not be a real number, depending on who your professor was
sleeping with in college. But most often that number is 1 or 2, or if
I've been extra prolific that week, it can be as many as 4 or 5 and
that's a lot, to be quite honest. I always feel a little guilty when I
get such requests, because they always come after a rather lengthy and
saccharine commentary on how much they appreciate my writing. So, by
reading those generous words I feel somehow obligated to return the
gesture with some form of payment, as if I'm not quite good enough to
just accept it and say thanks. That's an old self-image problem that
goes back to being 13 years old and ugly. I was 14 before I became
pretty and I didn't get to be beautiful until I was almost out of high
school. Now I'm working on stunning, but that's hard to do when you're
just 5'3" tall. Stunning has a minimum height requirement, like riding
the really cool rides at the carnival.
Anyway, okay...uh, writing. In order to teach you how to write I'd
have to have sex with your dad.
So I won't try and teach you writing. Instead I'll just tell you how I
do it, which is not only less effective than having sex with your dad,
it's also less fun. But that's the sacrifice I'm willing to make. Pay
attention now.
1. Writing is War ...It's the first meaningless maxim that popped into
my head. Actually war is the art of persuading idiots that they're
wrong, and writing is the art of translating the world around us into
a more or less permanent record which anyone can appreciate or
denigrate or ignore at their leisure. When you translate the world
which is not around us, it's called fiction. And that's what we're
going to talk about. Fiction is lying. It's like acting except better
because you generally get a better cast in your head than you do in
Hollywood. I worked in Hollywood, I know. So erase that number one and
we'll start all over again...
1. Writing is lying. The best liars lie so well that what they say
becomes the truth, largely because it's just a matter of belief. If
enough people believe it, then it must be true. Lot's of writers have
pointed this out, my favorite being George Orwell in his book Nineteen
Eighty-Four. My least favorite is Adolf Hitler in his book "Mein
Kampf" which I liked to say I read, but didn't...at least not all of
it. He sucked ...Orwell's book was fiction, Adolf's wasn't and I've
drawn my own conclusions from that, but I only point those out at
faculty parties for the sociology department at my husband's
university. Usually after I have my third drink.
So what does that mean? It means just this: When you are writing your
story, try very hard to find ways to immerse yourself, and by
extension the reader, in the story. This means stuff like character
development, and motivation, and plot, and pace, and environment
and...you get the idea. Everything...the more you can sell, the more
they'll buy.
Ughhh...this is sounding like a text book, so fuck that. Skip the
numbered maxims.
Here's what I do, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Find your voice. I am super duper comfortable writing from a certain
perspective, in a certain style and my best stories reflect that.
Actually I have three "voices" that really work and they are
effortless. Like the narrative style for "Girl Fag" for example, which
is the same as in "Dare" and "Girl Trouble" and "Twin Favors" and a
bunch of other ones. I can sit down and write a story in that style
without thinking about it. Those people are me, it's the way I talk in
real life. I actually struggle not to write like that when I want to
use a different style, the more adult and mature and jaded voice I use
for things like "Get Some" and "Of Sand and Pipers" and "Gen19" for
example. Another voice is sort of half-way in between, like "Hitwife"
and "Turning Japanese" ...
You can tell when I'm not comfortable, because I sound like a
technical writer and I stop using contractions. Usually I go back
later and fix that, just so I don't sound like a technical writer.
Anyway, the point is merely this: Find that comfortable voice that
really is you. Don't try and write like the person you admire, except
once in awhile, and only for fun or profit, never for praise alone
because you won't get it. The people who would appreciate it won't
like it, and the people who are unfamiliar with the author you're
emulating won't know the difference anyway. I wrote "Little Birds"
wanting very much to sound like Anais Nin, and I think it does, if she
were half-Edgar Allen Poe too. But mostly I just try to write to the
theme and the characters. So the secret to the Hellerism there is that
I tend to pick themes and characters which fit my voices, so don't ask
me which comes first. When I close my eyes, it not only makes my
typing better, it also lets me see myself as still being 14 or 15
years old and those were the best years of my life. Outside I have to
grow up, but inside...screw it, you can't make me! That's why I write
underage stories, a lot of them, because I just never grew up yet.
Maybe when I'm forty years old I'll be 25 on the inside and then I'll
be able to post on Literotica...although I don't know why I'd want to.
Okay, so the voice thing...Write in your own words. I like to write
the way people talk. I hate stories where everyone uses perfect
grammar. Or they don't say stupid things, or don't have favorite
words, or don't have pet mannerisms. Everyone talks different and most
people really suck at talking. But we suck too, so we don't notice and
in fact, we feel uncomfortable when faced with someone who doesn't
suck at it. Like, what's wrong with you? Someone shove a big pencil up
your ass, or what? Also, don't be afraid to make up words, or use
words that have close, but different definitions than how you're using
them. Ignore the rules, it's okay, seriously...Unless you're in God
mode, but I hate that perspective.
So try writing like people talk, and not just writing dialogue, but if
I'm writing first person, I narrate the way my character talks. I mean
the narrator is a character too, people tend to forget that, and she's
just talking to the reader, saying "This is what happened..." Unless
god is narrating, like in 3rd person omni, but I hate that crap
anyway. I rarely read anything written in that perspective because
it's just boring to me. But a lot of people like it, I know. It spoils
us. Good for them. Once in awhile I try to write like that, but I
usually quite after a few thousand words...Like "Mommy Misplaced" I'm
just totally uninterested in the top down narrative that I used for
the first three chapters of that story. If I ever continue it I'll
switch to first person.
Right now I'm doing "A Little Magic" that way, but only because that
is a story based entirely on the motivations of the three main
characters and switching back and forth between them would really
drive me crazy after awhile. I'm at that point, six chapters into it,
that I'm fucking sick of saying "she thought..."... "He said to
himself..." and etc. And that story sounds very technical, so you can
see I'm uncomfortable there, to go back to what I was saying earlier.
Next thing is motivation. Okay, I know we're talking erotic fiction
here and for a lot of people the motivating drive is all based on one
central conflict "I want to fuck so and so but he/she won't let me, or
we might get caught, or we're related, or he/she's a dog, or..." you
get the idea. The characters change, the settings change, but the
basic conflict is the oldest one in nature...We must reproduce! Even
if we don't want to and possibly even can't. And don't tell my dog
that we can't, because he is always looking at me like "hey, where's
the puppies?" Dogs have pure motivation, like children and balloons.
Emulate them!
Bah! Let me point out a contrary point...I posted "The Chair"
yesterday and that has exceptionally little motivation in it. Almost
none. I explained no reasons for anything! And the reasons I did give
were weak at best. But, and this is a big one...That story works
because of the characters and the dialogue. So if you don't motivate,
make sure that other aspects of your story are way good...then you can
get away with it.
Now what was I saying...Oh, Emulate them!
Fuck that. There's deeper and more rewarding motivation to be had for
the exact same price as the cheap mass produced stuff. Work on your
motivation and motivate your characters every single chance you get.
I've read stories, well not read per se, browsed stories, in which
there were 3 or 4 or 8 paragraphs devoted to the girl's
appearance...always the girl, by the way, and I mean it was precise
and detailed!! Whoa...I understand people like to describe what turns
them on, fine. But then, there's half a paragraph that explains that
characters motivation...Okay, I shrug so she doesn't know or even care
why she is like she is. I can deal with it, so long as I know what
color the trim is on her panties...fuck!! So my problem then is that
motivation turns me on. I can describe a person in 3 lines or less,
and usually do, unless it's important for some other reason. In fact I
rather like not describing characters at all...I mean we can use our
imaginations, right? We know what people look like on the outside, but
the inside...That's the mystery, that's what we need to describe. Not
the color of their socks.
That's my opinion though and the opposite is very much a legitimate
argument. Why read erotica if you want to get bogged down in the
psychological drama of teen angst? Or middle-aged angst? or menopausal-
angst? or whatever...Just join the Oprah Book Club and voila! All the
angst you can suffer delivered to your door 13 times a year. If you
don't like a particular angst, just return it within 20 minutes
unopened in its original packing, with Bulgarian postage, and with a
note signed by your hairdresser's best friend's cousin explaining why
to get some of your money back. (Postage Due)
Uh, oh...Writer's Block! If you get writer's block just, ummm...write.
That's what I do. Start a different story, unless you're on a
deadline. Obligations are proven to be the leading cause of writers
block, followed closely by laziness. I never suffered from laziness,
and I avoid obligations like there's no tomorrow. Or rather, like
there is a tomorrow and I want to spend it doing something else.
So if you get writer's block, just hang a left. Make the phone ring,
push the doorbell, kill off a character, or just put them in a cool
situation. Do something unexpected so that you don't know what's
coming, that's fun writing and then pretty soon you say "Shit, I just
wrote 3000 words and I can't use any of it!" But by that time it's
okay because you're ready to write the stuff you can use. When I write
I'm pretty much like an oven, hot greased, and ready for the meat. So,
unfortunately, I don't really have any good advice about conquering
writer's block except that when you get it, quit writing for a long
time. Then, one day, write something and you'll be fine.
Another thing is don't be afraid to say what's on your mind and don't
stress out over little stuff. We have enough problems dealing with
boyfriends and husbands and dogs all wanting to hump our legs at the
same time, to be worrying about writing, which is escapist fun.
Stressing over something fun is just plain sick and should only be
done to get good meds! Write what you want, say it the way you want,
and fuck the critics. But don't be afraid to whine either. Whining is
seriously underrated and I like to do it in public forums where people
will just ignore it. If you whine person-to-person that just creates
stress on your friendship, because they can't ignore you and nobody
likes a whiner. So whine in public, smile in private, and always say
thank you...even if you get flamed, not only because it pisses them
off, but also because they had to at least read some of what you
wrote, if nothing more than the title. That's why I generally stress
out on my titles...
I hate titles. I don't really think about them until I'm done. I have
a title when I start, like "Middle Sounds Bad" for example, which was
a drunken thought that occurred to me over tequila when someone asked
me what I was going to do with my life. I said "Start a band and tour"
and he asked what I'd name it and I said "Middle" and then I thought
about that and added "Sounds bad." and had another drink...So the next
morning that was on my mind. I wrote the story and thought about a
real title, giving myself one cup of coffee and a cigarette to do it
with, and by the time those were done...nothing had come to me. So it
stayed. That's about as stressed as I get over a story.
Don't smoke. It's bad for you. I smoke every time I finish a story, my
little victory cigarette because that's what people do in those old
movies. Like in Sunset Boulevard, the guy finishes a screen play and
he sits back, stretches, lights a cigarette and reflects on just how
rewarding life can be. So, that's what I do. I should be proofing my
story, but I hate proofing, which leads me to my next point...
If you're going to submit stories for other people to read, proof them
for spelling and grammar. I forget words. That's my biggest problem.
I'll type a sentence and just forget a word in the middle of it, but
when I read the sentence I'll see the word. I swear I do. It's weird.
So I hate proofing and I tend to proof as I go. I write 6 paragraphs,
go back 8 and read forward...I really hate proofing because my stories
grow about 10% when I do. I can add a thousand words easy if I'm
proofing a 10K story, and that's frustrating because I know it was
just as long as it needed to be before I started proofing. They never
get shorter for some reason :(
And I know there's some good editors out there, but I don't trust
them. No offense to people like Denny, who's efforts I'm certain are
valuable and appreciated, but I just feel like I might lose something
in the translation from rache to English. Personally I'd trust a naked
bar girl from Bangkok high on ecstasy to sit on my drunk husband's lap
on a flight from Tokyo to Seattle before I'd trust someone to edit my
stories. But I'm axis II depressed, so...Chances are they wouldn't
survive anyway. So, if you feel that way too, I understand, but maybe
you shouldn't. I'd suggest that if you can find someone willing and
able to proof your writing to your satisfaction...do it. You can
always fire them later, so long as you weren't silly enough to make
friends with them. Do not befriend your editor or your publisher, make
them befriend you. It's a lot easier on your conscience that
way....But I have no experience here, I'm mostly going off what I hear
at writers anonymous. (and those guys are bitter...especially that
anne rice)
And finally, know when to end a story. That seems like it should be
simple and obvious, but often times ending a story is just as hard, if
not harder, than starting one. They call that Producer's Block on the
west coast and if you've ever seen the third Lord of the Rings movie,
you're probably still watching the ending, so you know what I mean.
When you reach the end of your story, just fucking end it. You'll be
happier, believe me.
The end.
Feel free to disagree with any or all of what I just said. I do. -rr
26 april 2007