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From: Denny Wheeler <dennyw@TANSTAAFL.zipcon.net.INVALID>
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d
Subject: {ASSD} Celeste's Credulous Assumptions
Date: Mon, 02 Apr 2007 19:41:23 -0700
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===================
Celeste's Credulous Assumptions
1. It is usually possible for a woman to estimate the size of a
man's fully engorged cock by gazing at his crotch when he is unaroused
and fully dressed and over ten yards/meters away.
2. Without the use of scientific instruments men can easily
estimate the size of women's breasts from across the room, even if the
woman is fully dressed. Actually, this is no big deal, since nearly
all attractive women have 38DD bust sizes anyway.
3. The normal sequence of sexual experiences is first petting, then
oral sex, then anal sex, then vaginal sex--usually all on the same
date.
4. The first boy to touch a girl's breasts will come in each of her
three orifices within the next hour.
5. Most women would intensely enjoy sexual contact with another
woman, but most men would not enjoy sexual contact with another man,
even if cultural biases were eliminated.
6. Children who have sex with their parents normally enjoy this
activity and grow up to be emotionally mature, honor-roll students who
will contribute to scientific research and to world peace.
7. Ditto for sex with older siblings, kindly neighbors, and random
strangers.
8. When sons, daughters, little brothers, or little sisters ask
questions about sex, the best way to answer their questions is to show
them, using their bodies as part of the demonstration.
9. When a spouse or lover catches his/her partner having sex with
someone else, the typical response is to join in.
10. Women typically have multiple orgasms during every fulfilling
sexual encounter.
11. Middle-aged men can typically have sex with copious ejaculations
several times a day for several days in a row.
12. Women and men that can do so are happier and better sex partners
than those who have fewer orgasms.
13. Kids can go blind if they masturbate too often. (Oops. That one
belongs on a different newsgroup.)
14. Kids who do not masturbate at least daily are severely
disturbed.
15. It is important to pop a person's cherry before she gets out of
high school (or gets into high school, has her first date, gets
married, buys her first car, etc.)
16. Women typically enjoy getting raped, once they get over their
inhibitions.
17. Men who force women to have sex with them are sexy.
18. People can be turned into sex slaves by college kids who read a
chapter in a psych book. Either that or some of these stories are
written by Psych profs who are really desperate to motivate their
students to read a chapter in their text book.
19. If you ever get turned into a sex slave, it will be the best
thing that ever happened to you.
20. The typical male ejaculation shoots at least 12 inches through
the air unless the penis is inserted into a receptacle which will
terminate this expulsion. In this case the ejaculate lands with the
impact of a speeding bullet.
21. Most women ejaculate at least a pint of luscious fluid during a
really enjoyable sexual experience.
22. Most people get turned on when their partner treats them with
extreme cruelty for the partner's own personal gratification.
23. Most black men have monster cocks. These 12- to 14-inch penises
will thrill any pussy (or other aperture) lucky enough to receive one.
Black women, however, do not have monster cunts, nor do they appear to
be all that interested in the genitalia of their black brethren. Hence
the reciprocal fondness between black men and white women, especially
those known as sluts.
24. The family that fucks together stays together.
25. It's more fun to have sexual intercourse when there's a genuine
risk of pregnancy. Offspring resulting from unprotected intercourse of
minors tend to be sexy honor students by the time they reach middle
school.
26. Nuns, and English teachers, librarians etc. are really sexual
dynamos.
27. Ain't nothing wrong with most frigid women that a riding crop
won't cure.
28. Guys who go without underpants and have sex several times a day
do not develop a nasty rash.
29. Male doctors get their rocks off during physical examinations of
female patients. Female doctors have multiple orgasms whenever they
examine a beautiful person of either sex.
30. A girl will get her first orgasm from her first intercourse,
usually within minutes after having her hymen torn.
31. Most young girls are looking for experienced men to train them
in sexual practices. They want to start but they don't know anything
about it. When they find these instructors, they will say things like,
"Yes, eat my pussy now," which is a strange request from somebody that
doesn't know anything about sexual practices.
32. Most women who find that their husbands want to turn them out to
their friends respond, "Sounds like fun."
33. Most boys who are forced to act the part of a girl find that
they love the role. Unless this happens for the first time in a penal
institution other than school.
34. Parents routinely leave their bedroom doors ajar when they
intend to have sex, and kids do so when they intend to masturbate,
which they do noisily above the bed sheets.
35. Nobody ever farts while making love. Especially not during anal
intercourse. And even if they do, it's never one of those rancid ones
that linger on and on. And even if it is, the partner thinks it's
sexy.
36. No one ever gets a cramp while making love. For that matter, no
one ever sneezes or has a nose so filled with snot that it's
impossible to breathe, much less give a blow job.
37. The woman's vagina never makes that 'farting' noise due to
trapped air in there. If she does, this causes immediate orgasm in
both partners.
38. Nobody ever forgets to wipe his/her ass prior to having it
licked, which is unfortunate, because most people absolutely love the
taste of human feces.
39. The woman never says "Ouch! I wasn't ready! I'm too dry!" If she
thinks she wants to say these things, she instead says, "Fuck me
harder!"
40. Men don't turn over and go to sleep immediately after sex.
41. Women don't fall asleep at the beginning of sex, when they feel
so comfortable and relaxed, and they can just let themselves go... If
they do fall asleep, their partner regards this as a compliment.
-Denny-
the curmudgeonly editor
--
"A tree is a tree - how many more do you need to look at?"
Ronald Reagan (When he was Governor of California)