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Subject: "The Adventures of Me and Martha Jane" Part 7D
Date: Sat, 17 Dec 2005 02:29:51 -0800
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http://www.incesttabooo.com/marthaj.html

The Adventures of Me and Martha Jane

Part 7D

Mom convulsed into a tight ball on her  side  and  retched  quietly,
weakly, making a small sticky red stain in the Kleenex she  held  to
her mouth.  Then she relaxed with a pitiful moan.

"What's wrong?"  I asked, going swiftly to her side of the bed.

She licked her lips clean  and  tried  to  catch  her  breath.   Not
getting an answer, I raised  my  voice  fearfully.   "What's  wrong?
What happened?"

"I'm sick, Speedy.  It came on...all of a sudden."

"What's wrong?  When did it start?"

"Called your daddy...but he said he had to work late."

I was incensed at her words.  "Had to work late?  Work  late?   What
does he expect you to do, just stay sick?"

"Well, I don't know...maybe it'll just clear up."

"How long have you been sick?"

She shrugged, taking in a deep breath and wiping her lips again.  "A
couple of hours, I guess."

"You've been sick for hours and he just says he has to  work  late?"
I threw up my hands in anger and walked in a small, confused  circle
in the room and looked back down at her with my eyes flaring.  "What
can I do?"

She shook her head.  She hid her face from me and did  not  seem  to
want to tell me what  was  happening.   "I  don't  know...Call  your
daddy, and see what he says."

I went straight to the kitchen wall phone and telephoned the grocery
store.  My step dad answered the phone with a tired, bored voice.

"Mama's real sick," I said.  "She's throwing up blood."

"Hell, it's one of those female  things,  she's  been  sick  to  her
stomach and throwing up for weeks."

"But she's throwing up blood!"  I insisted.   "You  don't  throw  up
blood when you're just sick to your stomach."

"I told you, it's one of those female things.  That kind of stuff is
all in their minds, anyway."

"Well...what should I do?"

"Don't do anything," he answered, unconcerned.   "I'll  be  home  in
about an hour or two.  Tell her to drink some water."

"But...she's acting like it hurts really bad."

"You know how she is, she overdoes everything.  Tell  her  to  drink
some water or some soda, and I'll be home later."

His indifference told me I was wasting my time.  I said I would look
after Mom, said good-bye and ran back into the bedroom where I stood
beside the bed, helpless and frustrated.

"He said drink some water and he'll be home later."

"I can't drink water," Mom said, her breath short and  labored.   "I
tried that, it came right up."   Then  she  made  a  retching  sound
again, down deep in her throat, and tried to hold back.  But another
convulsion soon overtook her and  she  coiled  up  again,  her  neck
stretching in a fierce heave outward, and more  blood  spilled  onto
the tissue and onto the bedspread.  This time  she  did  not  simply
moan and come out of it, but bent herself  into  a  small  trembling
circle and grasped her stomach and began to cry and cough.

I touched her shoulder, but did not know what  to  do.   She  heaved
again, and groaned, and finally relaxed.

"Mom...What can I do?"

She hid her face but reached out with one hand and  grabbed  my  arm
tightly.  Her fingers trembled and her entire  form  shivered.   She
spoke  with  a  breathless  rasp,  "Go  down  the  street...to  Aunt
Catherine's.  I tried to call her, but her line's  busy...bring  her
here."

My Aunt Catherine was one of my step-dad's sisters.  She lived in  a
house a few doors down from ours.  Quickly, my  fear  for  my  Mom's
pain giving me a bloodcurdling case of the  shakes,  I  ran  to  the
front door.

"Put your jacket on!"  my mother yelled.  "It's cold outside!"

I thought: to hell with the damn jacket!  I rushed  into  the  night
and ran up the street as fast as I could.  By the time I pounded  on
Aunt Catherine's front door I was out of breath.   I  tried  not  to
panic.  I told Aunt Catherine to get to my  house  as  fast  as  she
could, that my Mom was deathly sick and it was getting worse.

She stood in the doorway gaping at me.  "Why, Speedy, what's wrong?"

"I don't know.  She needs somebody.  Hurry!"

"But what's the-- -?"

"Now!  She needs somebody now!"

Quickly she grabbed her overcoat  and  threw  it  loosely  over  her
shoulders.  "You stay here," she said, trying to calm  both  herself
and me.  "Watch my baby, Speedy, I can't leave her here alone.   I'm
goin' down there right now, don't you worry."  And she ran down  the
sidewalk with her loose coat flapping in the wind.

I watched Aunt Catherine's sleeping infant for over  half  an  hour.
Several times I peeked out the front  door  to  see  what  might  be
happening down the street at  my  house.   Then  an  ambulance  with
flashing lights pulled into our driveway.  I longed to get a  closer
look but was afraid to leave the baby alone.  Going back to check on
the child I found her still sleeping, and by the time I returned  to
the front door, two whiteuniformed attendants were shoving a  loaded
stretcher into ambulance.  I could not see much detail.  The  lights
began flashing again and the  ambulance  backed  out  swiftly,  then
screeched as it turned up  the  street  and  took  off  with  sirens
wailing.

My mother had suffered a miscarriage.  I  was  deeply  affected  and
spent  days  shuddering  at  the  thought  of  how  emotionally  and
physically painful it must have been for her.  But at the same  time
I was angered at discovering that not one of my  puritanical  family
or  relatives  would  mention  the  details   or   even   the   word
"miscarriage" in my presence -- I gathered what  had  happened  from
bits and pieces of  conversation  that  leaked  out  now  and  then.
During the few days my mom spent in the hospital I was  shipped  off
to my maternal grandmother's house a few miles  down  the  road  and
endured her endless chatter and bad  jokes  when  she  drove  me  to
school each  morning  in  her  creaky  1950  Ford.   She  evaded  my
questions about what had happened to my mother, but I figured it out
when I overheard her telling a neighbor that "the baby died."

It was with deep concern that I came from school one day and Grandma
told me she was taking me home because my mother would be out of the
hospital that afternoon.  As we drove and  my  grandma  lapsed  into
another awful and unmemorable country joke, I felt  some  hope  that
perhaps the unfortunate incident would somehow narrow  some  of  the
distance between my family and myself.  Waiting for Mom and my  step
dad to show up, I paced the living room floor restlessly until I saw
our tan Ford arrive shortly before sunset.  Mom was  in  a  bathrobe
and overcoat and my step dad, now treating her with  more  deference
and attention than I had seen before, opened the car and slowly  and
carefully led her to our door.

Mom entered, looking tired but happy to be home  again,  and  looked
down at me and gave me a weak hug.  "Well," she said, "I'm back."

"What was wrong with you?'  I asked.  "Are you all right now?"

She averted my eyes and turned to go to the bedroom.  "Well,  I  was
just real real...sick, Speedy."

My step dad held her arm as she slowly and haltingly  made  her  way
into the hallway and the bedroom.  He completely ignored  me,  which
was exactly what  I  would  have  expected.   I  watched  my  mother
struggle into their bedroom, bracing herself against  a  door  or  a
wall as Tony guided her past the framed portraits of the Virgin  and
the Sacred Heart and Saint Jude  in  the  hallway.   I  watched  her
getting farther and farther away from me.   Farther  than  ever.   I
felt her pain.  I felt her loss.  And I felt a distance that  I  had
little hope of breaching again.

Later in my room and I heard the  two  of  them  talking  in  hushed
tones.  Mom was crying softly.

My step dad spoke in a consoling manner I'd  never  heard  him  use.
"His soul will be protected, I know it will," he said.

"But, Tony, I was unconscious," my mother  softly  cried.   "No  one
knew to baptize the child.  It'll be in limbo forever."

"There, now," he kept saying.

The incident had changed the way my step dad generally treated  Mom.
But it did nothing to quiet my anger nor smooth the  raw  feeling  I
had of not being part of the household I lived in.  I was  disgusted
with the way he'd ignored her pain for weeks until  the  result  was
disaster and heartbreak.  I was glad he'd had a comeuppance and that
he'd earned it the hard way.  And I  knew  that  my  mother's  rigid
religious fervor meant that I would never be able to share with  her
my blasphemous ideas or my certainty that answers to  the  mysteries
of the universe did not lie in fairy tales.  I could have said  that
the hereafter didn't exist anyway.  I could  have  fudged  and  said
that surely their all-merciful God  would  not  forever  consign  an
innocent fetus to limbo.  But there was no way, in that house  whose
furniture and walls were dotted with pictures of saintly figures and
suffering martyrs and plastic  figurines  of  Jesus,  that  I  could
communicate through their wall of myth and superstition.

I understood their pain.  But I could not forgive them  for  leaving
me alone in a world so different and so distant from theirs.

Near my thirteenth birthday, Martha Jane called and  said  that  Mr.
Buchanan's Easter present to her and her sister Evelyn would  be  to
marry their mom soon after Easter and move all of them into his  big
East Memphis home.  Martha Jane had mixed feelings about it.

"I'm glad for mother," she told me over the  phone.   "But  I  don't
know if I can live in that house.  He's  nice.   But  he's  still  a
redneck and I just can't seem to work past that fact."

"At least you won't have to spend the rest of  your  college  career
moving from place to place."

"True, but...one more move, actually."

"Oh no, not again!"

"Yes, but it's just a move *out* of where I am, and  into  that  big
house.  Oh, well, at least this time I'm  his  future  daughter,  so
he's hiring some movers."

"Being his daughter does have its advantages," I offered.

"Come over and help me pack."

"When?"

"I have two weekends  when  I  can  do  it,  the  first  and  second
Saturdays in April.  Which one would you like?"

"Both," I said.

"Which one?"

"Both," I repeated.

Her voice on the other end of the line almost sounded as if she were
winking at me.  "Okay," she said.  "This time we'll have  longer  to
play.  I'll have a  car  to  use.   Not  Evelyn's,  this  time.   My
daddy-to-be is buying me one."

On a Saturday a few weeks later, Martha Jane showed up in  a  bright
blue Chevrolet.  But she didn't look happy behind the wheel.

I said after I got into the seat beside her and we were on  our  way
to her place, "Wow, what a car!"

"It's not me!"  she  moaned.   "This  huge  gas-burner  is  NOT  ME!
Speedy, I'm scared.  Really.  I should love this, but I hate it.   I
feel as if I'm selling out.  And it takes me an hour to park it."

"Well...you can always give it back."

"But this is terrible!  I feel so dishonest.  I dread  to  think  of
how I'm going to be punished for  this...this  terrible  sin!   I've
invested so much in claiming I was on my own and had my  own  ideas,
and now I'm selling out."

I spent the afternoon  with  her  and  helped  her  pack  books  and
clothes.  She was cranky the whole time.  I tried to joke around and
make light of Mr. Buchanan and to convince her  that  at  least  her
life would be settled for a while.

"I don't know what's going to happen to me," she said at one  point.
"I had finally got the feeling that I was in control of my life  and
I could honestly be myself.  Now I have to spend every day  in  that
house pretending that I agree with  everybody,  when  I  really  and
truly don't."

"I know," I said ruefully.  "How well I know."

"Hon, can I say something?"  She was sitting on the floor  with  her
legs under her and a pile of books in her lap.

"You can say anything you want, Miss Scarlett."

"Something's...wrong inside you, isn't it?"

"Wrong?  What you mean, Red Ryder?"

"Because you're trying too hard to erase yourself and you never talk
about what you think or feel anymore.  You're being nice to me about
anything and everything, to the total exclusion of yourself."

I laughed.  "You don't like me paying attention to you?  I'm  having
a good time, just helping you today.  Really.  Honest."

"How are things with your mom and your step dad?  You never  mention
them.  I don't have the slightest idea what's up with you and them."

I didn't know what to say.  My own feelings about the way  I'd  been
living and how powerless I felt were  thoroughly  confused.   And  I
didn't want to spoil my time with Martha Jane by getting into it.

I mumbled something, a careless "Nothing much going on about  that,"
and she was quiet behind me for a while.  For sometime afterwards we
didn't talk much except to say that another box was packed or to ask
which box to pack next.  At around six o'clock she decided we should
stop for the day so she could make salads for dinner.

"You sure got quiet," she said after I had been eating wordlessly in
front of her at the table for five minutes.

I shrugged.  "Burned out from all this packing, I guess."

"I guess," she said.  She sighed.  "Me too."

"So...you'll be living the  life  of  a  cool  little  East  Memphis
socialite from now on."

"Please.  Don't talk about it while I eat."

I sat and chewed and tried to think of something else to  say.   But
the only thing I could think about was that Martha Jane would not be
in that college forever, that she would be teaching one day, perhaps
far away.  I knew better than to bring up that  subject.   In  fact,
everything that I could think of as material for discussion  somehow
led to the fact that the one person in whom I could place any  trust
was surely going to be out of the picture sooner or later.   And  on
that particular day I wanted very much to undress her and touch her,
but I had grown fearful of even saying anything or making a move  in
that direction.

I blinked and looked up.  She stared questioningly at me.

"Were you in a trance?"  she asked.

"No," I said.  She eyed me skeptically.  I shrugged  and  confessed,
"Yes."

"I asked you if you have any girlfriends at school."

The question sent a chill up my spine.  "No," I said.

"Someone as active as you, and you don't have some girl after you?"

I shook my head no.

"Why not, hon?"

I shrugged-- -a big, on-purpose, don't-give-a-damn shrug.  "I'm  not
interested in anybody."

"I see..."  She got up and poured  some  soda  into  her  half-empty
glass.  Wordlessly she returned to the table and sat.

After a moment she looked into her glass and said slowly, "I  wonder
..Speedy...oh, never mind."

I did not know what she was hinting at.  I looked  up  to  find  her
staring at me again.   I  had  just  taken  a  big  bite  of  salad.
Desperately reaching for something to talk about that had nothing to
do with my thoughts or with anything else, I pointed at my face  and
said with a full mouth, "Nice salad.  Good."

She gave me a sad little smirk.  "Speedy, you're not talking to  me.
You're just throwing words across the table."

"I'm eating," I said, and tried to grin with  lettuce  sticking  out
one side of my lips.

"You're a miserable failure as a liar, you know that?"

"What am I lying about, Miss District Attorney?"

"The same thing I'm lying about."

"You?  What are you lying about?"

She hesitated.  She opened her lips to speak, but didn't.

I repeated, "What are you lying about and why?"

She took a deep breath and looked me right in  the  eye.   "I'm  not
lying, really.  It's just that there's  something  I'm  not  talking
about."

I joked, "Well, gee, thanks for telling me  that  there's  something
you're not telling me about."

"You're doing it, too.  But you won't even tell me that  you're  not
telling me about it."

I shook my head and moved uneasily in the chair.  "Miss Graham, this
sounds so complicated."

"Speedy, what do I have to do to keep you from going inside yourself
like that?  You're so clever about it, but you're  so  distant  when
you do that, and it's something you do again and again and -- -"

"No," I said quickly.  I gave her a  tired,  strained  smile.   "No,
Martha Jane, it's...things I don't know how to talk about yet."

"Oh, goodie, I think I hit the target!  What?  What things?"

"No."

"What things?"

"No!"  I insisted, verging on defensive anger.  I'm sure I turned  a
little red, but I let it go no further than  that.   I  was  getting
better at holding it all in, because I was sure that  a  tear  would
show, or I'd let slip some desperate motion or remark.   But  all  I
let out was a quiet and definite no.

"Well," she said reluctantly, "all right, then.  I won't nag."

"Let's pack some more stuff," I said, brightening up.

"No."

"Martha Jane...I'm -- I guess I'm just bored and tired."

"You sure?"

"Mm-hmm."

The look on her face told me she didn't believe  me.   But  all  she
said was, "Will you promise not to run away while I take  a  shower?
I'm all dusty from this work."

"Can I shower first?  You really had  me  sweating  today.   What  a
slave-driver."

"Okay.  You, then me."

I showered first, very quickly-- -not that I was so  grungy,  but  I
wanted to prepare a surprise for her  while  she  washed.   After  I
dried off, she followed.  While she showered I  remained  undressed,
cleaned up the kitchen, turned down all the lights, readied the bed,
and lay naked in the bedroom face-up with my hands  behind  my  head
and my cock standing straight up in the air.

She came out of the bath toweling her hair.  She  stopped  short  in
the doorway when she saw me.  Her  eyes  widened  and  she  laughed.
"Well, well!  Am I to gather from this that you are making the moves
this time?"

"Isn't it my turn?"

She smirked.  "Let me clean up the kitchen."

"I already did it."

"Oh," she said, impressed.  "Really!  My-- -All this,  and  he  does
dishes, too."  She threw the towel aside and climbed on the bed  and
crawled stealthily toward me.  "C'mere, you..."

Almost an hour later she lay naked under me with  her  knees  raised
while I fucked her rapidly in the soft bed in her dark bedroom.  She
had cum twice, once under my mouth and once with me inside her.

"Slower," she taunted, her eyes fixed on mine.  "Let it build up."

"...it's so good, it's close now..."

"Let it feel good longer, honey.  Look at me."   She  held  my  face
gently but firmly.  "Let me see your eyes."

I trained my eyes on hers.

Her hazel orbs searched mine knowingly.  She stroked my  face  as  I
moved in her.  I was physically close  to  climax,  but  emotionally
distant -- and Martha Jane had uncanny ways of sensing it.

She said, "You've been hiding something from me for a long time."

Trying to evade her, I stared back intently.  "No."

"You don't have to tell me what it is.  But I don't want it  holding
you back from me when we fuck.  Let go of it.  Let it go so you  can
really enjoy fucking me."

Her offer melted my resistance, and I could not prevent my face  and
eyes from softening with gratitude -- a  reaction  she  acknowledged
with a little grin of recognition.

I stopped moving.  I tried telling her, "I keep  thinking...I  don't
know how to say it..."

"Shh.  No thinking.  It's so seldom that we  can  be  together  like
this.  I'm being very selfish: I want to give you a  wonderful  cum.
I want you to stop thinking and cum."

I began moving in her again, but she cradled my face once  more  and
said, "Slow, hon.  Make it last  until  you  can  stop  thinking  so
much."

I slowed my pace and lengthened my strokes so that I withdrew almost
all the way out before going even deeper in her.

"Good," she said.  "Yes.  Take your time.  Go deep."

I dreaded she would make it so  good  that  I  would  forget  myself
completely, that  my  fears  and  anger  would  have  me  crying  or
screaming when I came.  But her eyes and voice  enticed  me  out  of
myself despite all my recent conditioning to the contrary.   I  felt
my emotions welling up to match the intense pleasure I  felt  inside
her.

She urged me on with lusty  whispers  and  an  ingenious  knack  for
holding me on the edge and delaying my release  until  the  defenses
that imprisoned my pleasure behind a wall of rage and isolation  had
been obliterated.  For a long time she would not let me cum until  I
was  so  overpowered  with  lust  that,  with  a  helpless  sob,   I
relinquished all control to my back and hips  and  allowed  them  to
pump my cock into a mindless state of raw pleasure.  Below  me,  she
received my surrender with a sweet smile.

Everything disappeared.  I yelled.  I slowed and spurted.

She hissed, "Yessss...yes, hon...MMM!   So  MUCH!...yes,  baby!...oh
yes enjoy it, such a good cum..."  When she felt  my  orgasm  waning
she rolled her hips in a slow arc and drew my last remnants into her
clutching warmth.

As usual, she thoroughly destroyed and drained me.  I fell asleep in
her arms until she woke me up to drive me  home.   On  the  way  she
asked if I felt better.  I answered, yes, I felt better.  But what I
did not say was that nothing had changed.

Continued...

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20051217022951