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From: athenes2005@yahoo.com
Newsgroups: alt.feminism.individualism,soc.sexuality.general,alt.sex.stories.bondage
Subject: Re: How to help her?
Date: Sun, 07 Mar 2004 05:33:50 +0000
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nagesh_pandher@hotmail.com (Nagesh) wrote in message news:<a06a1f4c.0403021119.15a1f97e@posting.google.com>...
> A five year old girl complains to her mother that 12 years old boy
> tried to insert his penis in her vagina and mother teslls the daughter
> that if she ever did this she would be hanged upside down and branded
> with chapati flipper 'tavetho'(2"*2" iron plate with long handle).
> What effect the girl will carry with her about human relations?
> Clearly the girl could  not complain to the father. There is no body
> to curb the mother on the spot.
> The girl remembers the incident whole her life and reports the
> incident to her husband fifty years after the event.
> What is the best way husband can help?
> 
> Clearly the mother had gone through something wrong as growing woman.
> 
> But how can this girl now a woman of 55 get out of the ill effects of
> not only of sought for protection not supplied but threatened of
> severe punishment? Ill effects that must have snowballed till she got
> out of mother's domination whenever that may have happened? The
> mal-habit she must have formed to deal with the mother? The rebellion
> that prevented her to learn to live in a constructive manner, that
> prevented her normal growth?
> 
> I am the husband in unenviable circumstances trying to find a way that
> will remove the damage as far as possible.
> 
> Please cros post your response to a group where this matter may get
> right response.


I think this would be just like any other thing that affected us
negatively, feeling sort of abandoned.  For example, when I moved to a
new school (starting 4th grade) that was a popular school - rich
people send their children to; my parent were one of those those rich
people, my mother tod me not to expect her to be  there if I were to
be involved an fight with any kid.

I was a very obedient kid and was aware that I would not be involved
in such things but it crossed my little mind what if someone picked on
me. Hearing that from my mtoher made me feel abandoned. I didn't think
my mother said it say it to my twin but now I am suer she didn't.  I
would notice here and there about her not doing the same thing she did
for my tiwn but it was only after I finished high school, that I
became fully aware of my mother favoring my twin (out of feeling sorry
for her as she was less pretty and smart then I was).


 There was a time, I really felt that my mother hated me and was
jealous of me too. Hard to explain why I say "jealous".  As ana dult,
I realized that my mother was under a lot of stress.

She had made up for it though rather late, i.e I was already in my
30s. led a life feeling very insecure thoguh people couldn't tell it
unless they are expert, like a professor in my grad school. 
Unfortunately, the effect of feeling abandoned would never be
reversed.
20040307053350
