Perverts 'R' Us

Uncle PlumpLover's Rules of Writing

By PlumpLover

Having written over 100 stories, and having read a hell of a lot more, I feel somewhat qualified to discuss some basic rules of erotic writing. Following these simple guidelines will make your stories more enjoyable for everyone to read, and help you get that positive feedback we're all seeking.

1. Use 'white space'. White space is the area between paragraphs, like the blank line between the preceding paragraph and this one. When reading on a computer screen, white space makes it much easier for the human eye to read and comprehend what's going on. Studies by major software vendors have shown that the eye comprehends things differently on a computer screen versus printed material.

Please, keep your paragraphs short and use white space. This is the number one rule for writing anything on the net. When I see a story that's one big run on, I typically don't even bother to read it, it's just not worth the strain on the eyes.

2. Compose your stories off line. Don't try to type in your story in the submittal area, no matter how short it is, or how quick you type. Instead, get a good text editor and type your stories in there. That gives you plenty of time to review, change, and reread your tale of fun.

If you have windows, your computer comes with two editors, Notepad and Wordpad. Both will do a decent job of text editing. My favorite though, is a shareware program called "UltraEdit" (www.ultraedit.com). Only thirty bucks but very powerful, you can customize the heck out of it. If you are a programmer, you will appreciate its advanced features such as macros, column cut/copy/paste, and the ability to edit huge files (I edited a file once that was slightly over a gig in size).

Composing off-line also allows you to save your stories for future use, in case you wish to submit them to another website or newsgroup. I often submit my tales to the alt.masturbation newsgroup.

3. Use a spellchecker. Remember Ultraedit? Comes with one. Nothing is more annoying then a lot of misspelled words. It only takes a minute or two to spell check your story, and its well worth the effort.

4. Look out for word confusion. By this, I mean common word replacements, such as using "won" instead of "one", or "hear" instead of "here". The spell checker won't notice these since they aren't misspelled, just the wrong word. Careful proofreading is the only way to catch these landmines.

5. Remember a moment ago when I said nothing is more annoying the misspelled words? Well, there is one thing, lack of any punctuation or capitalization. Folks, it's not that much extra effort to hit the shift key once in a while, and it makes the stories so much nicer to read. And don't forget the periods, they like to play too.

6. Wait! Wait before you submit a story. I typically wait 24 hours after I finish a tale. I save it, close it, and then don't touch it for at least a day. I then slowly and carefully reread it, tweaking it until I'm happy. If I've made extensive rewrites I often put it away for another day, but if there are only minor changes I'm ready to submit. If you have the luxury, send the story to a friend for proofing, and be prepared for honest criticism.

7. Pick a good title. "My first time", "Fun with him", are not good as they have been way overused. Try to find something that makes your story unique, and then use it for a title.

8. Don't bullshit. If you claim to cum 17 times in a row with 8 beautiful woman and you're only fifteen, we know you're full of shit. Keep it realistic, it will be much more enjoyable.

9. If it's a true story, say so clearly and at the beginning. Otherwise we'll assume it's fiction. It hasn't been clear with a lot of the stories I've read whether they were true or fiction. For me, and I suspect many readers, know that a story is true adds a certain erotic edge to them. Keep in mind the rule #8 though.

10. Write. Write, write, write, write, write. The only way to get good is with practice. I keep a text document of story ideas, so as I come up with them I'll remember for later. And sometimes you get a story that's a stinker that you just toss or put back for another day.

I have 3 or 4 stories in progress at any time, and go to them as the mood strikes. There have been quite a few I never completed, or completed then tossed for one reason or another.

Don't be too harsh on yourself though. There was one story I almost didn't submit (I think it was "Family Fun" or something like that) because I wasn't totally happy with it, but decided what the heck. Turns out I got more positive comments from that story than any other I'd written up to that point. So you never know...

SOME EXTRA SUGGESTIONS FOR FIRST TIME AUTHORS

11. If you are a first-time writer, try using first person perspective. This is when you tell it from your viewpoint, saying things like "I" or "me". It's much easier to write using "I did this..." or "She blew me...".

12. Don't use too much dialog. Using rule 11 can help with this, it's possible to write stories with no or very minimal dialog if you use first person perspective.

13. Write in past or future tense. I can't think of any writers who write their story as they are doing what they're writing. You're telling the story of something that occurred, whether real or imagined, in the past. Even if it's a story about the future, the story is related as though it were something that happened before the story was told. Quite often new writers tend to mix past tense with present tense, which can be quite confusing to the reader.

14. Initially, write from what you know or have done. By relating your true experiences you can make your stories very realistic. Later you can get into writing about your fantasies.

15. Keep it brief. Your stories don't have to be novels, even 3 or 4 short paragraphs can deliver an erotic story we'll all enjoy. And will be much easier on you to write. Once you've practiced, you can go for longer tales.

There you go, a few simple rules for writing better stories. These are what I've found works over time, I'm sure others may have a few of their own suggestions, and maybe even disagreements. I just know this is what's worked for me, and so thought I'd pass it along.

And for you folks who read but haven't yet submitted anything, go for it! We all have to start somewhere, and you'll get better as you go. Meanwhile, we'll all be enjoying your adventures together.

Uncle Plump Lover