Perverts 'R' Us

My Dear Diary - Chapter 11 - Peanut Buttered & Jellied

By purpuss ( g+-bi/b+, M+, 1st, pedo, anal, cons )

Submitted by Kamkat

Yeah! Still Thursday night!

"HOW can we possibly come up with something as gross as the boys pulled on us?" Lauri asked when we got downstairs. "Did you have something in mind?"

"Sure!" I replied smugly. "Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!"

"What's so gross about that?" She asked mystified.

"It's not WHAT it is-it's HOW we serve it!"

"Huh?"

"You know, it's all in the presentation."

"What's that?"

"Look, it's simple." I explained. "They're expecting peanut butter and jelly squashed together on two pieces of bread, but what if we serve it up differently?"

"Ohhhhh…" The concept dawned on her. "Like, give it to 'em in a way that freaks them out, right?"

"X-ACT-ly" I reply. "The question is: how can we give them what they EXPECT in a way that they DON'T? I was thinking something along the lines of spreading it on US-you know, maybe all over our titties so they'll have to lick it off! We'll be the sandwiches!"

"Hahahaha!" Lauri broke out in gales of giggling laughter. "OR-maybe put the peanut butter up our BUTTS and the jelly in our CUNTS!" She cried.

"Oooooo!-Gross! I LIKE that idea!" I exclaimed. "Trouble is, how do we get it up there?" I wondered aloud while pointing at my pussy for Lauri's sake, "And how do we get it up THERE?" I asked her, pointing upstairs.

"Humm. You're right! I can think of a way to get it up here!" She smiled, pointing between her legs, "But the hard part is getting it upstairs without having it leak all down our legs and across the floor before we even get back to your brother's room!"

"I know… We have to do something about THAT one of these days!" I told her.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Well, my brother told me that the BEST fuck a guy could EVER have is in a 'snappin' pussy'."

"A WHAT?"

"That's what HE calls it!" I giggled. "That's when a girl has exercised her muscles that squeeze her pussy and asshole tightly together. They can get SO strong, Jess says, that they can feel like they're biting the guy's dick off! It can close up on him like a snappin' turtle!"

"Oh my!" Lauri gasped, her hands covering her mouth. "That would be terrible!… Getting it bit off by a snappin' turtle, that is… It would be cool to teach my pussy to bite though! As long as I don't grow teeth down in there too."

"You won't grow teeth in your pussy just by exercising your muscle!" I giggled. Lauri comes up with some of the funniest things from what she thinks about sometimes.

"THAT'S a relief! But how're we gonna get the peanut butter and jelly upstairs NOW?" She waved her arms in exasperation.

"First things first." I said. "What were YOU thinking about how we can get it inside of US?"

"That's easy!" She said smugly. "First, I get a big 'ol mouthful of peanut butter and then you do the same…"

"Uh-huh." I coaxed her.

"Then, I put MY mouth against YOUR butt and SPIT it in-then you do it to me!"

"Ooooooo!" I cringed. "And I expect we do the same for the jelly?"

"Right!" She said with an innocent smirk.

"That's kinda gross-then they'll have to get it out of US from down there." I said, thinking about how that'd feel. "I'm not sure they'll even go for it."

"Why not? They're hungry like us, and they got their tongues up our butts already, an' pretty far up there I might add… Especially Mikee! What's the diff?"

When she uses her childish logic on me like that, there's no arguing with her-she's right, of course!

"Okay," I said. "Then here's how we get it upstairs…"

We carried all the fixins up to my room, where we first had to skin out of our shorts. That's where we dipped our fingers one after the other through the peanut butter jar and sucked it off in our mouths. It took several times before we felt we had a whole mouthful, but we kept giggling at each other while we did it and that made it hard not to swallow.

Lauri "ummm'd" me, motioning with gestures that she'd do me first, so I lay face down on my bed and arched my backside up while spreading my legs wide. She bent down and I felt her lips brush against my little hole… It was closed tight! And she couldn't blow on it to make it relax… I reached back and used my fingertips to stretch it open. She blew the peanut butter as hard as she could through her lips and it oozed up inside me. When she'd emptied her mouth, she pushed it in further with her tongue and then her finger.

I felt kinda funny as I got up, but it stayed up inside there okay. I'm just glad we had the smooth kind and not the chunky!

So then Lauri lay down on the bed and did as I had, and I did the same thing to her with my mouthful. Her's was much harder to get in-she's got a real tight little asshole! She was squeezing her muscle so hard to keep it in herself, I could hardly get my finger in there to pack it in!

Next we fed each other spoonfuls of strawberry jam-the kind with juicy chunks of real whole strawberries. Getting that into our pussies was easy… The stuff just slid right on in! It was harder to get it to stay there though, so we had to hurry if there was going to be anything left for the boys!

We scurried naked down the hall to Jess's door like little Japanese girls when they run in long Kimonos-short little shuffling steps so our legs stayed pressed together. I remembered to bring the cold glasses of milk and Lauri carried a paper plate holding four pieces of plain 'ol white bread.

We broke in on them while Jess had Mikee's cock in his mouth and was ticklin' his balls with his fingers like they were Christmas tree ornaments. Jeez! Those two boys just couldn't think of ANYTHING except getting their nuts off! But it was lunchtime, so we broke up THAT little game real fast!

"Oh bouyssss!" Lauri called sweetly. "Your lunchie is readyyyyy!"

"It's about time!" Jess said after extracting Mikee's hardon from his throat. "Mikee wasn't coming up with a darn THING and I'm starved! So… What's with the plate of plain bread? I thought you guys were making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!"

"This is called a 'do-it-yourself working lunch'." I replied. You have to work to do it yourself!" That got Lauri giggling so hard she had to quickly cross her legs to keep from spoiling the surprise!

"Huh?" Mikee was baffled as usual.

"Here, it's simple…" Lauri began. "You each take a piece of white bread in each hand…"

"Then," I continued, "you come over here to your 'personal fixin's dispensers'… That's us, and you give us a squeeze…" I said while spreading the lips of my pussy open, showing the red strawberry stain plainly visible there.

"In just the right places…" Lauri demonstrated by bending over as she stretched her feet apart.

"To get your sandwich made!" I finished with a wide smile.

"AND," Lauri added, talking upside-down between her legs, "We keep all the ingredients nice and warm for you!"

"Uuuuuuu! GROSS!" Jessie exclaimed.

"WHAT?" Mikee was beginning to catch on, "You got our peanut butter and jelly up your snatches? Oh WOW! That's far out!"

"Like WE're supposed to get it OUT onto the bread, dufis!" Jess snapped at him.

"No doubt! But I'll eat your sister ANY day ANY way dude! Hey! Dispenser." He called over to me, "Get jer lil' 'ol spouts over here! HA!"

"Wha-th' HELL made you two wanna do THIS for?" Jessie was still a bit confused and that just made him irritable.

"Hey!" I yelled at him while stepping over to stand in front of Mikee. He was holding a slice of bread out expectantly. "What'd you two do to OUR breakfast this morning? Hummmm? But Lauri and I didn't mind, did we girl? We lapped that treat up and licked our lips doin' it!"

"Yeah," Lauri filled in with her two cents. "It's called, 'payback!' 'Women's Lib!' So take it or leave it… macho dogs!"

I guess the way she said that took Jessie down a peg or two. He expected 'little miss innocence' and instead he got this feisty little redheaded fireball cuttin' him down. That got him to laughing out loud. "Ok, okay-we deserve whatever you two can 'dish out'… Get it?"

"Hahaha" Mikee joined in. "That's a good one…"

"So 'dig in'!" I invited him and he burst into laughter all the more.

Jess began by poking his finger up into Lauri's backside, hoping to swirl it around and come out with enough peanut butter to wipe on his bread-he was having more trouble at that than if he'd tried it with chopsticks! Every time he'd get some in the crook of his finger, Lauri would go squirmy from the feeling and squeeze up tightly around him. By the time he'd get his finger out, the peanut butter was left in her behind. He wiped his gooey brown finger over the white bread, but it was slow going!

Mikee chose to go after the strawberry jam first and he was lucky with that! He cupped his bread between my legs and tickled my clitty until I couldn't hold it inside anymore! "Plop-plop-plop!" Chunks of strawberries coated his bread!

"I'm having' trouble with my dispenser!" Jess told Mikee. "Why don-cha pass yours over here and I'll try that one!" (Hahahahaha!)

"Dude! Maybe you ought to shake it up first!" (Hahahaha!)

"Nagh, that wouldn't help-I think I need to SQUEEZE it out of her like she was a tube of toothpaste!" (Hahahaha!)

They were sure having more fun making THESE sandwiches than they ever had making sandwiches before!

Both of them had bloody-looking strawberry jammed bread in one hand, but the problem was with the peanut butter-that stuff just stuck up inside of us and didn't want to come back out! Lauri figured it out eventually. She squatted over Jessie's hand while he held his slightly brown-streaked bread, and she just… well, she just did what she does on the toilet! She pushed until her face got all red and that hot gummy peanut butter squished out from her asshole, making crude farting sounds until it made a steamy pile of brown stuff on his bread. Jess took a LONG time looking at THAT before he slapped it over the jelly half of his sandwich! Slowly and carefully he took his first small bite…

"Not bad!" He proclaimed as he chewed, making loud smacking sounds with his lips as he did. "Go ahead and let Amy crap out all of hers on your bread too. Tastes a LEETLE shitty…" (Hahahahaha!) "…but I've eaten worse at school!" (WAHAhaha!) (Lauri smacked him on the head for that putdown!)

Once again we looked a mess, so Lauri and I took our THIRD shower together and wiggled back into our shorts before rejoining the boys. By now all of Jess's picture and video uploads had finished.

We crowded together around the computer monitor while Jess logged into our chatroom. Most of the regulars there had been downloading our stuff as it arrived, so many had seen most of the pictures but were just finishing their saving and putting the pieces of the long movie together. I couldn't BELIEVE the reception we immediately got!

KAMKAT: (That's Jessie's handle-his nic) HOW DID Y'ALL LIKE OUR NEW GIRL?

No sooner than his message appeared on our monitor, the replies came flying across the screen!

DEGENERATE: HOLY SHIT! ARE THESE HOT OR WHAT DUDE! WHERE T'HELL'D U FIND THESE KIDS?

"They think I'm this old guy who's taking pictures of kids in my neighborhood." Jessie explained, chuckling. "Of course, the less anybody knows about us, the better!"

ALGERON: MON DIEU! A STAR IS BORN! AN' WHAT IS HER NOM DE THEATRÉ? AND MY LITTLE ABBY IS MORE BEAUTIFUL EACH TIME SHE PERFORMS! (Abby's the fake name we put for me on the pictures. Jess said we need to do that so the trolls don't come looking to bust us.)

CONQUISTADOR: LINDA! MUI LINDA! MAS Y MAS POR FAVOR! FYI: THE FRENCH HE SAY WHAT IS NAME OF NEW LOLITA PLEASE?

"What'd he say?" Lauri asked.

"It's Spanish. Like Mr. Gonzalez… But I don't know who Linda is." I told her. "And he wants to know what we'll call you, besides your nic that is."

"It means 'Beautiful, real beautiful.'" Jessie told us. (He knows 'cause he's taking Spanish in school.) "How does 'Lucy' sound? Nah… 'Laura' is better."

"That's close to my real name... Sure, Laura sounds nice too."

KAMKAT: LAURA

CAPT.JUSTICE: PHOTOS ARE LOVELY KAMKAT. WHAT ARE YOUR MODEL'S REAL NAMES?

"Nobody but a troll would ask that!" Jess huffed. "That must be GEEKMAN or one of his partner Socialist Services Kiddy Kops! We don't even bother answering trolls!"

ISLANDPRINCESS: KAMKAT YOU'RE SUCH AN ARTIST! YOUR VID IS SOOOO ROMANTIC, AND YOUR TWO 'STARS' ARE SUPERB! ANY CHANCE WE'LL SEE MORE OF THEM TOGETHER?

KAMKAT: OH-YEAH! MORE TO CUM <HEHE> BTW: SAY HI 2 KIMMI & KAMMI 4 ME. WHEN R-U POSTING THEM AGAIN?

ISLANDPRINCESS: THEY'RE HERE-DROOLING OVER THE PIX OF YR 2 LOLIS <G> THAT SHOULD LITE A FIRE UNDER THEIR BUTTS NOW THEY KNOW YR PIXIES R WATCHIN' 'EM :-) !!!

ALGERON: KAMKAT I HAVE A PROPOSITION FOR YOU.

KAMKAT: YEAH? AN' WHAT'S THAT?

ALGERON: NOT HERE-CAN I SEND U EMAIL 2 SECURE SITE?

KAMKAT: K. GIMME YRS 1ST.

What happened next was that this guy who calls himself Algeron sent us his email address and Jessie asked him what's up? What he said back was that he was this famous photographer in Paris but he wants to hire me and Lauri to make lots more pictures in PRIVATE for his exclusive collection and others to sell. He said he wants to make us famous and we'll get paid to do it too! I think that's WAY cool but he's over in Europe Jessie said, so we don't know how he's gonna do that. Jessie said he'd halfta work something out. Maybe…

(Continued in Chapter 12)

Note: These stories are derived from my preteen sister's online diary-submitted by Kamkat. Comments to: catsNO-SPAMclaw@hush.ai. (Remove NO-SPAM).