Perverts 'R' Us

God, Thanks You Guys

By Ralph Kramden ( f-solo )

Tuesday, June 3rd

Playing with my ginny again today, Betty. It felt so good, but mom said that if I stick my fingers way up there, they will get snapped off. I sure don't want that to happen.

But it hasn't happened yet and I have put my fingers way, way up there. Maybe when I get older and my fingers get longer they will get snapped off. I don't know.

Dad said that God doesn't want me playing with myself. He means that God doesn't want me to stick my fingers in my hole. So what is the truth, Betty? Will God punish me, or will my fingers get snapped off? Or will God snap my fingers off? Maybe I should use only one finger, just in case.

Jen doesn't think these things are true. She plays with her ginny too sometimes. Course, she's a kid like me and prob'ly doesn't know everything yet. She lets Ralphy play with her ginny sometimes. But I don't have a boyfriend so I have to do it myself.

I'm glad Jen fills me in on things because she's a kid and sees things like kids do, not like grownups do. Thank God I have an older sister or I might not know ANYTHING.

Anyway, Betty, I think it feels too good to be bad.

Wednesday, June 4th

I was out back in the garden this afternoon and I pulled off some string beans. I pulled my shorts aside and stuck the beans up there and wiggled them around. It felt kinda, I don't know, good, I guess. Anyway, they are much longer than my fingers and they didn't get snapped off. Maybe I should try to find some snap peas. Ha Ha.

I sure think about my ginny a lot, Betty. The top part feels best. I don't remember thinking about my ginny so much when I was younger.

Jen took the old laptop to school and got some friend of hers to take off the parental controls.

Now we can see the websites we want. Mom and Dad'll never notice. They just put it in the garage when they got the new ones. We can just unplug our PC and plug in the laptop, it still has MSN on it.

There I go, rubbin' on it again. Betty, what'll I do?

Friday, June 5th

Jen and I met a guy in a chat room last night. I guess he was a guy, on the internet you don't know for sure. I told him about the beans. He said that if I look around in the garage I might find some stuff. He made some suggestions. If I talk to him again I'll tell him that it turned out to be fun; just like he said.

Sure enough, when I opened Dad's tool box I found some pliers thing. There were little red rubber things on the handles. The man said that one handle goes in your "pussy" (That's what he called it) and the other goes in....well, you know. I didn't know at first, Betty, but Jen and I figured the other handle went in my poop hole.

So I put one handle in each hole and wiggled the pliers around. It felt really great.

I guess I'm going to have to call my hole a "pussy" now. That's the grown up word, Betty. I wonder if Mom and Dad use that word. I don't remember them saying it. I wonder if it is nasty?

Friday evening

Talked to some people in the chat room. Jen's out with Ralphy tonight. When I talked about my pussy some people said "cunt" and others called it a "twat". Are there really so many names for one little old hole, Betty?

Got some more suggestions. Pretty obvious I guess; bananas, cucumbers, stuff like that

One silly guy said I could put my cell phone up there but to be careful because if I missed a call it would be hard to explain why.

Sunday, June 7th

Jen said that Ralphy told her that some of the guys at school were out at night peering into girl's bedrooms. She said they would probably spy on us eventually if they hadn't done it already.

"What should we do?" I wonder. Should we close the blinds or put on a show? This could be fun.

Betty, I met a really nice man in the chat room. His name is Bushman. Jen and Ralphy were out in Ralphy's car "doin' it" I bet. The man asked if my pussy was hairy.

I said "Of course not, I don't have any hair on my pussy"

He said, "prove it"

So I got out the digital camera and took a couple of pictures; one with beans hanging out. He didn't think it was a real good idea for me to post the pictures so I emailed them to him. He said he would email me his picture.

Betty, If I don't quit this I'm going to rub it raw.

Tuesday, June 9th

Mom and Dad's wedding anniversary. They're out to dinner and a show.

Jen brought Ralphy over and they're in Jen's bedroom. Ralphy told me to stay out but to make sure he slipped a table knife between the jamb and the door molding inside the bedroom. The knife blade keeps the door shut. No locks in our house.

Got Bushman's email. The picture doesn't show his face. It just shows his great big weenie. If I can print it out I'm going to show my friends at school. Monica and Carol who are so, so sophisticated, prob'ly have never seen anything like this. It's goin' to be so much fun, Betty!

Bushy (I call him) asked if we have ICQ. I'll have to ask Jen in the morning. He said I could put his great big weenie in my pussy. I GUESS NOT. I wonder, Betty, is Bushy really nice, or not?

I noticed if I rub that little hard button thing on my pussy that I start to get wet down there. Do you have any idea of what that means, Betty?

Wednesday June 10th

I went to mom today to ask her to get me an outfit like Britney wears. Maybe she and Dad had too much wine last night. She was really mean.

She said Britney dresses like a slut, whatever that is. She says Britney goes around in "Fuck Me" pants and shows her naval and midriff to everyone.

Betty, I just want to look like the other girls at school. I'm REALLY mad at mom.

Jen says we have ICQ she thinks, but if not we can download it. It's like email but faster, I guess.

Got another email from Bushy. It had a picture of a weenie going into a pussy. Wonder if Monica and Carol have seen this?!!!

Bushy wants me to send him a whole bunch of pics, without my clothes on.

Thursday June 11th

Well I wore my same OLD outfit to school today. Mom still says no to the hip huggers and short tank tops .She says OK to my flip flops What a Grinch!! I absolutely do not see what Dad sees in her.

Well Betty, school's going to be out soon, so I won't have to be embarrassed for long.

Jen got ICQ up and running so I've been talking to Bushy every night. He is a pretty nice guy. He might be a little over-sexed but geesh! What about Me, Betty?!!!

He has been telling me a lot of interesting things, Betty. He says part of my pussy is a clitoris or "clit" which he calls a "love-button". He says he would like to lick it and suck on it.

I honestly asked him why I would want him to do that. He said if I didn't think it would make me really hot, to try it and then say that it isn't what I want.

Betty; I can't try that, can I? How could I get my tongue down there? Ridiculous.

I asked Jen, she said it is WONDERFUL; even better than WONDERFUL. Maybe Bushy's got something.

Bushy said he got my naked pics and thought I was the most beautiful woman (not girl) he had ever seen. He said the only picture he could imagine of my angelic face that would be more beautiful is if I had a pic with his cock in my mouth. Is this a silly guy or what, Betty?

Friday June 12th

Jen's missed her period and is a little worried. Ralphy's a stand up guy I think; he'll know what to do and stay with her. Don't ya think so, Betty?"

Jen told me, though, it was really, really worth it. She said "Sis, I can't tell you how good it feels to have a cock in your pussy, it is just heaven"

Mom AND Dad say no to any Britney outfits. I guess I won't even talk about getting my belly button pierced.

Bushy is getting a little aggressive. He wants to meet me in Moraga. That's not far from San Rafael but geesh, he's a grownup and I'm a kid.

Bushy says that if I want a diamond stud in my naval he'll get it for me. He says he has lots of money and can buy me any outfit I want. He says he thinks I would be really cute in a Britney outfit.

Betty, I dunno.

Monday evening, June 15th

Jen's O.K. She's not prego. The doctor fitted her for a diaphragm. Ralphy paid for it from his after-school job at Albertson's. I'm so glad for her.

Mom and Dad are impossible. Weren't they ever kids, Betty? I mean, really!! A girl can't go around in some kind of Victorian dress. She'll be laughed out of society. With Jen it doesn't matter so much, I guess, because she is TOTALLY wrapped up in Ralphy and doesn't care.

But I care, Betty!! I need friends and I want to have boyfriends. I look like an orphan from Cambodia or something. No cute guy is going to make a pass at me. I'm never going to feel a cock in my pussy that Jen says is "heaven on earth". I'm just a ragamuffin little match girl. I'm, like, TOTALLY, pissed.

Bushy understood, Betty! He was completely understanding of my problem, a problem of my parents, not me.

Even rubbing my pussy didn't console me tonight. Something has to CHANGE!!!

Wednesday, June 17th

Dearest Betty, I know you'll understand. Bushy says he'll send a cab over to my place and take me to the city where he'll meet me and we can go to Nordstrom's and some other cool places and get me some DECENT clothes.

He says that he knows of some really cool hangouts we can check out.

I can get my belly button diamond too. Bushy knows a place.

I asked him what he wanted in return for helping me out of such an impossible situation but, being a really nice guy he said "Nothing".

"You're like a daughter to me, skeeter (he'd been calling me that for a while) I just want to help you in any way I can. Obviously your parents are completely unreasonable and are ruining your life for no apparent reason" he said.

See Betty. He's so insightful.

We worked out the details. I guess I'm really lucky or have the unusual ability to win over important people that can help me get through life successfully