Perverts 'R' Us

Dear Mother II: Stacey's Letter

By Danyealle ( M/g, rape, sodomy, ped )

Hello Mom,

How are you doing? Good I hope. Ray and the kids are doing well, and send along their greetings to you.

This is going to be a bit of a serious letter, so rather than cover the mundane, let's get down to it, shall we?

If you've called within the last week or so, which I imagine you have, you would have gotten a disconnect message. No, my phone hasn't been disconnected, but the number has been changed. And after a lot of thought and soul searching, Ray and I have decided not to give you the new one. This was not an easy decision, mom, but it was one we felt we had no choice but to make. When Child Protective Services investigated Eden's accusations they found probable cause, mom, meaning they think he's molested kids.

Yet you continue to let him stay there with you. I cannot, in good conscience, let my kids be around him and take the chance that what happened to Eden and myself - yes mom, she's telling the truth, and yes he did it to me too, but I will go into that later - will happen to them as well. If/when he is permanently out of your life, you will once again be allowed to be part of your grandchildren's life.

Ray and I spent many agonizing nights trying to make this decision, but we had to put the welfare of our children before your feelings. They have been told you won't be around or talking to them for a while. We haven't told them the reason for this decision yet, but when they grow older, we will.

I know right about now you are furious with me, and I can almost hear the string of obscenities directed towards me. But I can handle your anger towards me. What I could not handle is the guilt that would come if I found out Terry did something to Josh or Amy like he did to Eden and me.

I know Tara doesn't believe any of this, and that her kids practically live with you and Terry. For now, that is going to have to suffice for you, I'm sorry.

I will pass on some news about Eden now. She is out of the hospital and back to living on her own. But I don't believe she is doing any better. She is a woman in a great deal of pain and no way of dealing with it, so she takes it out on herself.

She spent two months in the hospital but I don't think it did her much good. I feel, and her doctors concur, that it's probably only a matter of time before she tries it again and this time she will probably succeed.

She spent a couple weeks with Ray and I after her release, and I tried talking to her about it all. The thing that stands out most from those conversations is the way she sees herself because of being molested by Terry. He destroyed her self-image and self-worth leaving behind a person that loathes and blames herself for what happened. I know you don't believe that her problems are brought on by Terrys' actions, you screamed that loud enough at Eden while she was still in the hospital, but they are. She was never able to build up the coping mechanism I did, so it affected her worse than it did me.

I was somehow able to let my mind wander away while he was having sex with me, or making me give him head, or whatever vile things he had in mind. Also, I always laid the blame directly on him and his perverse nature.

Eden was unable to do that. She still isn't, sadly. I know she blames you as much for not putting a stop to it as she does for him doing it. Whether this is right or wrong, I don't know. I know for a time, I felt much the same way, but reasoned that there was no point in that. Eden isn't that way, though. As you know, she isn't very forgiving. I do believe that when she told you that she would never speak to you again, she meant it. But I know despite your anger at her, she is your daughter, and you do love and worry about her, so I will let you know what I do.

Now, on to what I said earlier…Yes mom, Terry did molest me. It started when I was a freshman in high school and continued on until I left home. Even when I would come home for a visit, he would give it a shot. Unlike Eden, however, I never blamed myself. I blamed Terry for being a perv, and maybe a little bit you as well for not knowing.

He is a sick man, mom, one that should not ever be allowed around children, ever again. No sane man would ever sodomize a 13 year old, but he did. Mom, I'm sorry for causing you pain, but after all these years, you need to know. Mom, he sodomized me, made me perform oral sex on him, and he is the man that took my virginity. I lost track of the number of times he did this to me. It cannot go on, mom. Please, for your grandkids' sake, finally put a stop to it.

There is one last piece of business before I close. You bluntly told me you blame Eden for CPS getting involved in your life. Mom… it wasn't Eden; it was me that called them after our last visit. Amy told me when we got home that gramps touched her in a way that made her uncomfortable. So I reported him. Eden's letter was just a coincidence is all.

And I would do it again in a similar circumstance. Please mom, do something and make it stop!

In closing, I know you are probably angry with me, mom, but please try to understand why I did/am doing this. And we ALL do love you mom, even Eden. We are just trying to protect ourselves and those we love.

Once a week I will send you a letter to keep in touch, even if you don't write back.

Hugs Mom,

Your Loving Daughter,

Stacey