Perverts 'R' Us
The Final Battle 2: Inuyasha's New War - Ch02
By Danyealle ( angst, fan fiction, inuyasha )
Chapter 2
It was now a little over a year since that return trip where she met a very changed Inuyasha, something she had dubbed "the trip through the looking glass." If she had thought the initial meeting was strange then what came later was out and out weird. That prompted a big change.
After dropping everything off at Kaede's and saying hi to everyone he led her to the tree where she had first seen him. For the first time since they met they had a long heart to heart talk about everything. His reason for it was to take his mind off Sesshomaru and the confusion over it but he also had realized it was time that they sat down and worked things out.
The subject of Kikyo had been saved for last and it was by far the most intense part of the conversation. It was that subject that had shown him how much she had changed over the years they had known each other. He didn't realize until that point just how strong a person she was.
Sitting there, he laid his soul bare about everything he felt for her and Kikyo as well as what he felt about the whole situation.
After he finished talking she sat there, quiet, for several minutes. When she began talking her voice was quiet yet firm. "Inuyasha, I know you are confused about the relationship with Kikyo and myself. I also know that me being her reincarnation doesn't help but you have to decide what you want our relationship to be."
Startled, he looked at her, "What do you mean by that?"
"I've graduated now and I need to decide what I'm going to do with my future once all the shards are collected and the jewel is restored. If I have a place in your life besides as a friend I need to know. If I don't, I need to know that too so I can start deciding what path my life will take."
"Are you forcing me to choose between you two? he asked, flushing red.
Looking him in the eyes she said, "No, I'm not. Only you can make that choice, Inuyasha. I'm just asking you to tell me what my place in your life is. I deserve to know that."
Sighing, he shook his head. This was leading nowhere good and he knew it. "Kagome, I made Kikyo a promise…"
Before he could go any further she cut him off. "Yes, I'm well aware of that Inuyasha. You also made me a promise. One that said you would always protect me. You've repeatedly broken it too. How many times have you left me to go to her and I've ended up in need of your protection?"
Automatically he tried to stammer out a denial, but couldn't. She was right; he had repeatedly broken his promise to her.
Without giving him time to regroup she pushed on, "There is so much more to it Inuyasha. When it comes to Kikyo you get upset if I say anything about you talking to her or meeting her but if another man talks to me you get jealous and try to chase him away. It seems like you don't want to define a relationship with me but expect me to say nothing about Kikyo and let things go on as they are. Then you turn around and get all possessive of me and claim me as yours. That isn't right, Inuyasha. It isn't fair either."
Honestly, he didn't know what to say. He had unleashed confusion and emotions that were quickly becoming hard to deal with.
Not waiting for him to say anything she pushed on. He had opened the door and brought it all up so she was going to use the opportunity he had given her. "I also don't think you realize how much I worry about you when you go off with her.
"She's the person who bound you to that tree after being tricked. She's the one who's tried to take you to hell with her. She's tried to kill both of us. She stole my jewel shards and gave them to Naraku. Having done all those things I worry about what she may do next. Even if we will never be more than friends I don't want to see you hurt anymore than you've already been so I worry what might happen when you see her or look for her."
For the first time he was starting to slowly see things from her perspective and the view wasn't a pleasant one. Also, he could smell an oncoming torrent of tears that were from both pain and frustration. Guilt slowly crept over him. He always felt like such a complete ass when she cried over something he had done. Ears lowered he started to say something but she held up her and cut him off before he could.
"I've understood from the beginning that I'm the weakest of our group. I'm not the archer Kikyo was, though I'm better than I used to be, and that in a battle I'm the one that needs the most protection. The only things I'm any good at are healing and detecting jewel shards. I understand that. But you've known that since the beginning, Inuyasha. You don't need to rub it in my face nor talk to me the way you do.
"You never call Sango, Kaede, or Kikyo names like you do me nor do you talk to them the way you do me. Just because I don't have the skills they do doesn't mean I'm worthless or lesser than they are. I have my own skills and what I'm good at. Just because they aren't the same doesn't mean they aren't important. Nor does it mean that I should be treated like I'm lesser than they are.
"Every time you call me names or talk to me like that it hurts, Inuyasha, badly. It makes me feel like I'm worthless and stupid, like everyone would be better off without me."
Those tears that had been threatening to come finally spilled out and poured down her face. Angrily brushing them aside she continued on, voice thick. "I know you don't like it when I use the necklace and you get angry when I do it but I don't really have any other way to get things across to you. I talk to you and explain it but you don't listen to me. The only thing that does seem to work is that. Usually I only do that out of sheer frustration. I shouldn't and I will try to stop it, I promise, but I wanted you to know why."
As she pulled a tissue out of her pocket and blew her nose then wipe her eyes he just looked at her, guts tied in a knot. He had no idea what to say.
When she was finished she looked down at her hands and continued on, twisting the sodden tissue between her fingers. "We all have obligations Inuyasha. You have yours to Kikyo, Kaede has her obligations to Edo, and Miroku and Sango have theirs. I have mine as well. To you, Naraku and the jewel come first and for me they do as well most times but sometimes other obligations sometimes come first.
"I know it's my fault the jewel was shattered, so I felt that I should have to find the shards and restore it. I could have very easily walked away and not bothered but I didn't. Because of who I am and my value system I couldn't do that. But just because I chose that path doesn't mean that other obligations vanished because they didn't.
"As much as you hated me going to school and all those tests, that was one of those obligations. My time is very different from this one. Here very few people can read and write. In mine everyone has to know how to be able to get a job and support themselves. Everything is different in my time; you can't live a simple life that is normal here.
"Now that school is over finally I have a different set of obligations, ones that are very important too."
Turning, she faced him, eyes red with tears still standing in them. There were salt tracks down her cheeks. For the first time he saw worry reflected in her face.
Locking eyes with him she continued, voice quiet. "I know all the rest of you have lost someone close at point in time and I haven't. In fact, most of you have no one really close besides members of the group while I still have a family. But with that family comes worry. Every day I worry about them. Grandpa is old. Mom and Sota could have an accident or get sick. If something happened to them they would have no way to get a hold of me. It works the other way around too. They worry about me and wonder if something happened when I've been gone for a long time. If something did happen, unless one of you could get through the well to tell them, they would never know. They would have to sit and wonder for the rest of their lives about what happened. I don't want to hurt them like that!" Then the tears came, great braying sobs that shook her whole body.
Instinctively, he moved over next to her and tried to put an arm around her shoulders to comfort her but she pulled away and stood up, shaking her head. "No, just leave me alone for a while." Then she ran off towards the village.
Sitting there, he watched her retreating form until he couldn't see her any more. Then he hopped up to the branch he always favored when in the tree and sat with his face in his hands, thinking. For the very first time he fully understood how hard things were for her. He had always thought that she had it pretty easy and just let herself get tied up in knots over nothing. Now he knew he was wrong. She had reasons, pretty good ones too. He had no idea she had felt that way about some things. Now he understood.
Of course, she had been right about most of it. Sometimes he just didn't think, feeling that what he felt was important was the right thing. Usually he didn't try to see it any other way.
Then there was the way he saw her. From the time they had met and he realized she wasn't Kikyo but her reincarnation he had always viewed her as a poor imitation of the original, weak and stupid. But she wasn't. She was just different is all. Her strength lay in different places than Kikyo's did, that didn't make her weak. In fact, in many ways, she was a lot better than the original. No matter how mad at him she got she would never try to kill him or pin him to a tree unless someone else was controlling her body. Kikyo had done that. Nor would she try to take him to hell. Most assuredly she would never take the jewel and give it to the enemy! Kikyo had. As far as he could tell the worst Kagome would do was yelling, sit him into a crater then go home for a few days. That was it. It was frustrating but a far sight better than what Kikyo had done.
When he was growing up he had been called all kinds of foul names that hurt until he developed a thick skin. Then as he grew stronger most stopped with them for fear of what he might do to them. Even as an adult he could easily remember how much those names hurt. Now here he was doing the same thing to her. That was enough to make him feel like the world's biggest ass. But she was also right in saying that she was singled out for it. The worst he would call Miroku was a pervert or letch. Sango he never called names. But he did Kagome. Even though he was pretty sure that she knew he really didn't mean much by it he knew it still had to hurt, especially since she was singled out for it.
From the time they had begun their quest she knew how protective he was of her and the rest of their friends but he was especially rabid about her when it came to men. Kouga was a prime example of that. He knew Kagome had no interest in the ookami other than as a friend but the mere thought that a man might try to take her away from him was enough to send him into a frothing fit. Until she pointed it out he had never seen the hypocrisy of the situation. Snorting in self disgust he shook his head. She was right, he had no right to do that to her when he had yet to make any kind of true commitment to her.
Because he really hadn't thought much beyond what would happen once Naraku was gone and the jewel was restored he didn't think much about any of their futures after the quest was complete. For him, the monk and the slayer their lives would probably be much the same as before but he well knew that life for Kagome was much more complicated. He had been to her time enough to know it was far more complex. She was right, she needed to know where things stood because things in her world needed planning out. S he couldn't just wander around like they did now.
Of all the things she said the worst was about her family. As he was well aware, they loved her as much as she did them and worried about her. While she was with him they had no way of contacting her if something was wrong or to make sure she was OK. Since she was out of school she had been staying with them for longer and longer periods of time. So much could have happened during those periods of time and she would never have known. Also, now he could pass back and forth through the well but if something happened to her could he still do that? If he couldn't they would never know.
Sighing, he shut his eyes and leaned back against the tree trunk, thinking.