Sitting in the doorway of the hut the shard-hunting pack shared when in Edo, Inuyasha glared outside at the rain. They couldn’t hunt shards or Naraku in weather like this. Not that they could do much anyway with Kagome gone. Growling softly, he thought about her note saying she would be gone for a week. He hated it when she left anyway, but lately she wouldn’t even tell him in person that she was going, she would just leave a note, then go. That pissed him off! Sure, he knew he made it unpleasant for her to go but at least he got a chance to try to talk her out of it. This way it was like he had no say in the matter and she was ignoring him. He hated it! He was their pack's leader after all.
Yes, he understood they needed supplies more often now because of the three extra people traveling with them, but she should at least have the guts to tell him she was going to his face! Yes, the night she left he hadn’t been in camp but she should have waited until morning then.
Huffing, he growled and glared harder at the rain, as though his malevolent stare would stop the drops, before once again retreating back to his thoughts.
Of course, as usual, Miroku and Sango had taken her side, saying that the note was a much easier way to deal with a situation that always ended up unpleasant; that she had a right to go home once in a while and shouldn’t have to argue with him about it.
Sango, of course, had also taken the opportunity to point out that if he had stayed in camp and kept an eye on them like he was suppose to then she <i>could</i> have told him, but he had taken the opportunity to slip away to spend time with Kikyo. As much as he wanted to argue about that statement with the slayer, he didn’t. Lately, every time he and Sango got on the topic of Kikyo, the arguments had gotten downright vicious. The last one resulted in her almost embedding her weapon in his head.
He had ended up with a headache that wouldn’t go away for several days. He didn’t even want to think about the row they all had when he mentioned, in passing, the idea of Kikyo joining them. Kagome hadn’t been there, thankfully, but Miroku and Sango had more than made up for her presence because it quickly escalated into a screaming match that resulted in a promise from both that they would leave the group, and take Kagome with them, if it happened.
Of course, he backed away and dropped the topic quickly. He couldn’t do this alone and he knew it. Without Kagome there was no way of finding shards. Ningens were less likely to give him information about Naraku without his companions. Realistically, he was well away of the fact that he wouldn’t be able to take the arachnid hanyou out on his own, he would need his pack and probably his baka half-brother to do that. So them leaving wasn’t something he could or would let happen.
As the visage of his half-brother flickered through his mind he scowled. Yes, he had accepted that the ice lord was traveling with them and would be needed, but that didn’t mean he had to like it! Sesshomaru had a way of making him feel like a complete and utter failure and he gave that look that told him that on a regular basis. It seemed that every time he made a mistake the baka was watching. For every misstep, he was there to point it out. If he sneaked out of camp, Sesshomaru saw it and was awake when he came back.
No, the stoic ice lord never lost his placid, emotionless mask but the flicker of emotion that occasionally flit across his eyes made him feel like an incompetent child. Every time the asshole saved or prevented something nasty from happening to one of his pack members it was as though he was pointing out his failure as an alpha. Despite everything he tried to stop his mistakes, it was almost a sure-fire guarantee that if his brother was around mistakes would be made.
However, there was something else about the ice prick that was bothering him even more. For a taiyoukai that had repeatedly professed to hate humans he had taken more than just a passing interest in Kagome. Sure, since he had started traveling with them he had developed a decent enough relationship with the humans in his pack and treated them with respect, but it seemed that the little futuristic miko had been singled out for special attention. At first he had thought it was because she was the shikon miko and needed the most protection. Then it was because they had some mutual interests that they would talk about. Now he wasn’t so sure and it was bothering him.
Miroku always has some perverted thought about who was doing what with whom, and when he suggested that there was something going on between the two he had ignored him. Later on though, when Sango had mentioned how well the two were getting along, he had begun to reconsider what the monk had said and kept a closer eye on the two.
Unlike most beings that would have the smell of another on them if more than casual contact had gone on, Kagome wasn’t that way. It seemed that her miko powers neutralized any kind of demonic smell on her. It also eliminated most human smells as well. So it was virtually impossible to detect anything in that area.
No, they weren’t acting any different than they had since they had begun their boring-ass discussions about books and poetry but he thought he could detect something in their eyes now when they looked at each other. That bothered him because he couldn’t be sure. Half the time he was convinced there was nothing there and that he was jumping to conclusions. But the other half he was sure there was something going on. It was driving him mad!
When he thought about a possible relationship between the two he saw red. Sure, part of it was because it was Sesshomaru. His connection anywhere to Kagome would do that. But there were other reasons as well. If there was something going on between them it was as though the alpha female of his pack was saying he was a failure in certain areas, so she was looking for someone else and giving up on him in that area. The thought of failing at anything with his pack always set his teeth on edge. But to have the being that really was the glue that held them all together all but out and out say he failed made him angry as well.
The other part of it was that Kagome was ‘his woman’ as that flea-bitten wolf Kouga put it. Since they had met she had been his, that hadn’t changed at all. Yes, right now she was on hold because of Kikyo but that didn’t change the fact that she was his. Despite what people may think he did indeed love Kagome with all his heart and fully intended to make her his mate once Kikyo was gone. Kagome had proven many, many times in the past her loyalty to him and if there was another man, that would destroy it. However, the rage he felt at the mere thought of that kind of betrayal was actually frightening to him.
Pondering the situation also made him quite uncomfortable because it always left him with something he wasn’t used to: self doubt. <i>If</i> the worst was true could be blame the whole thing on the other two or did he hold some of that blame himself? That was a question he didn’t like. He didn’t like looking at himself to see his faults then examine them. That made him sweat a bit and nervous. When it came to this area of his life he really didn’t like it! The original situation with Kikyo caused him to do that after he revived.
When Kouga had ‘claimed’ Kagome and declared she was ‘his’ he had to do it again. Lucky for him Kagome had made it fairly clear that the ookami was mistaken in that declaration. Well, she did to everyone but Kouga. He hadn’t listened to her, no matter how or how many times she said it. If that came up again with anyone else he wasn’t sure how well he would handle it. Each time he had to go through it, it got harder.
Honestly though, he was already starting to do that. Just the thought of her looking elsewhere for companionship had him re-evaluating his relationship with her. It had been six years since she had first come through the well and they had done nothing more than hold hands. Nor had he really defined their relationship even though she had pushed him to do so a few times. Though he hadn’t, he was pretty sure she knew how he felt about her and what their relationship was. He was also fairly certain that she knew that once Kikyo was gone things would change for the better. She was just going to have to wait was all. Knowing her the way he did, he was sure she understood and knew that already. After all, she had waited this long, what was a little longer?
Sighing heavily, he felt his mood resemble the gray gloom outside. There was also a sick knot in his stomach. Somehow he knew something was very wrong, he just didn’t know what it was. He had a bad feeling about something, that was for sure.
He let himself remain in the funk until he caught a glimpse of a few of Kikyo's soul collectors flitting by, and then all thoughts were banished and he took off.