------------------------------------------------------------- WARNING! This text file contains sexually explicit material. If you do not wish to read this type of literature, or you are under the legal age where you live, PLEASE CLOSE THIS FILE NOW!!!! ------------------------------------------------------------- This work is copyrighted to the author © 2010. This story may be posted to non-commercial "free" sites, or in the "free" area of commercial sites so long as no changes are made AND the author information is retained. By: Kelly Originally posted at http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Kelly_Diary/www/ ------------------------------------------------------------ SEX AS A CHILD Submitted By: Bob Sent: Wednesday, February 4, 2009 2:39:47 PM ******************************************************************************** I've been pretty harsh on people who write about young kids in supposedly highly charged sexual situations. Well, here is someone willing to take me to task on my views! ******************************************************************************** Hi Kelly, While I don't visit your web page often, I do go there and enjoy it. Thank you. I read your comments about incest and children. I also read your pet peeves. I will cover my thoughts on it in a moment, but first, I want to tell you about me so that you know something. I'm presently 50 yo and married. I have two wonderful girls, 21 and 9. While there has been incest in my family's past, I know of none occurring presently, including my own. That isn't to say that it hasn't been thought about or fantasized about. It has. I am an engineer. Back when I was in my early 30's, I believed that everyone in my business thought like I did, i.e. they understood "engineering stuff". I was in the early part of my career and knew no limits as to my abilities. One day, the realization hit me, that while one of my coworkers did not understand the things that we worked on to the same level as me, she was BETTER at doing some things than I was. Once that thought hit me, I realized that my "generalities" about others was way off. I then started treating other with differently and also realized my own deficiencies. We, as people, even with our own experiences, can never assume that just because you feel, act, and think in a particular way, that every one else does. You have more or less mentioned this in your "musings". I bring this back to you because you have committed this act yourself - you have assumed that a child, any child, has felt and thought of sex, lust, and desires, just the way that you have. This is a gross error on your part. I know this from personal experience. I do remember, as you sort of rhetorically stated in your peeve section, my childhood and how I felt about things, what I thought about, what my feelings and desires were, my longings, and my lust. Sex and sexual pleasure is one of those things that has been a major desire and subsequently, impact on actions and memory for all of my life. I don't forget sexual things that I've done. My very first sexual experience that I recall only involved me. I remember the doing it and the feelings that it brought on - that was the act of rubbing the head of my penis on the inside of my underwear. It was extremely pleasurable, so I continued for self pleasure to some level and frequency for the rest of my life. My first experience with some one else was with my older sister (this was a one and only time that she and I did anything sexual). We were at our grandparent's home. My sister told me that she knew how babies were made and that it felt good. If I wanted to, I could put my penis into her vagina while she was "sleeping". So, after a little bit, I did lift up her nighty, lowered her panties, lowered mine, and attempted to get my penis into her, without any success, mind you. I spent about 15 minutes trying this, and also feeling the softness of her on me. It was very pleasurable, but there was no lust involved. While this is not really sexual in once sense, it does indicate the intensity of feelings that a child has, even without the hormones that occur later in life. I remember being with my mom and looking at her not only with the love of a child for a parent, but also seeing her as a beautiful woman (she was probably only 22 at the time). I remember comparing her to the other mom's and KNEW she was prettier than most, but there were some that were even prettier. I remember the feeling when I looked at her and them....what now I know as desire to know them more intimately...not really lust like after hormones, but just this side of it. I didn't really understand it though. Also, I had been bathing with my sisters, and loved looking at their vagina's when I got a chance, and their bottoms, too. I remember "enjoying" seeing them in bathing suits, along with the neighbor girls, or anything that showed their shape and skin. I never once thought that girls were "yucky" and had a strong desire to at least be around them to some level. Don't get me wrong, I was all boy. I had more cuts and scraps than I care to remember. I played with the other guys or by myself. But I still LOVED being with girls, too. They were different and I loved looking at them and experiencing that difference anyway I could. I loved the attention that I received from them, both the girls and the moms, more so than my guy friends, but it was a different feeling altogether. My next experience involved one of the neighbor ladies. I was 5 by now. There was no sex, or even any inclination towards sex on her part. I remember looking at her and wanting to see what she looked like without her clothes on. She had larger breasts than my mom, and she was quite pretty with a very pleasant voice. She was the first woman that I really wanted to see naked like I had seen my sisters. I had never seen any adult naked, so I knew nothing of pubic hair, but it was pretty obvious that woman had breasts and girls didn't. My next extremely strong "sexual" desire occurred in first grade. I was in a Catholic school and my teacher was a Nun. All you could see of her was her face and hands, that was it. I was truly in-love with her. I know what that feels like. I have always looked a person's face first, actually eyes, and then moved outward. She had this beautiful face and eyes and this wonderful loving disposition. I would watch her intently. I desired to be with her and know her better. I did want to know what she looked like under her Habit. She would have made a wonderful mom, I'm sure of it, and a friend for a partner. Such a waste. Mother Superior, on the other hand, she was in the correct calling. My next experience came after my parents split up. My older sister showed me some of dad's old Playboy's that were still hidden between the mattress of my mom's bed. My sister was obviously a snoop. I was so DRAWN to the images of the naked or nearly naked females, it consumed my thoughts from that point forward to some level everyday. I was 7. To this day, I am a true lover of the female form. It is art to me. There is good art, okay art, and bad art, but it is art. Interestingly enough, it wasn't the size of the women's breasts in the mags that I loved, but the shape! Back then, they were all natural. Most were what would be called "pleasantly plump", i.e. nice soft lines on their bodies, but shapely. I took all of the mags and hid them in my room. I would look at them and get feelings all over my body (lustful, but not the strength of later years after puberty...hormones don't make the desires, they only increase them. This is one of your mistakes in your opinion). I would play with myself the whole time I looked at the pictures...I WANTED to touch the naked women and feel them touching me! This was actually the first time that I was truly aware of wanting to BE TOUCHED by another. Although my mom's hands felt nice when she washed me when I was younger, it was not sexual. After that, it became sexual for me, but she never knew. The mags were a huge change in how I now looked at girls and women. I now had a good idea of want a woman looked like under her clothes (still didn't know about pubic hair as Playboy didn't show it then. I actually don't like a lot of hair, anyway) and started to want to see all of the girls and mom's naked. Every chance I got to look at those mags, I took. I was in "heaven" until at around 8 and half, my mom found them and took them from me. Oh well. It was very nice while it lasted. I still remember some of the pictures to this day. From that point onward, I would make some efforts every so often to seen the "hidden" places in girls and women. I did get to see my mom naked one time as she ran from the hall bathroom to her room and loving the way she looked. I had then started to fantasize in a very limited fashion (only knew about masturbation and what my sister had said) about being with her. I was 8 at the time. Puberty was about 5 years away. I had shown my penis to the neighbor girl in a "you show me yours I'll show you mine" kind of thing. I fell in-love again with my fourth grade teacher, who just happened to look a lot like my mom. I wanted to be touched! I wanted TO touch! For all intensive purposes, I was fully sexual in my desires by 9 years old, just didn't have the extra "kick" from hormones yet. I had moved to another state at 10. Again, I fell in-love, but this time the sexual desire was extremely high. It was my uncle's girlfriend. She was 19 or 20, I guess, extremely beautiful. She was also the first adult female that I felt reciprocal attraction by. I doubt very much that it was sexual on her part, but it was genuinely a personality attraction that we both experience even to this day. (Later in life when we were both single adults, she asked my mom, shortly after I had seen her again after about 10 years of not seeing her, if I liked older women. The spark was still very much there on both sides. Unfortunately, I have only briefly seen her once since then). I remember WANTING to be close to her, and when we were, it was amazing. If she had ever offered to touch my 10 year old body sexually, I would have let her. I didn't know how to make love yet, but I would have loved to learn with her. My buddies and I found a lot of explicit pictures near our homes one day. We took them to one of their homes and hid them. We would pull them out and have jerk off sessions, none of us at puberty yet, so they were dry orgasms. We did involve some girls on several occasions by the time I was 11, one of which was my next youngest sister. Lots of touchy feely although she and I didn't touch that often during those sessions. Mostly it was the other girls. At early 13, I hit puberty. By the summer, my two youngest sisters and I were visiting my dad. I took my youngest sister to his off site garage and we got naked. I had learned a fair amount about sex by now and knew about oral as well. I had her suck me and I licked her. She was 8. She really enjoyed it as did I. It was both of ours first oral experience. Nobody was forced. It was consensual. She could get all of my head and part of the shaft into her mouth, but I didn't orgasm. I did, however, lick her to the point of what I now know as an orgasm for her. I loved the smooth softness of her and the lack of hair (I knew about pubic hair by now from the pictures we found and my own body). I did try to insert my penis into her vagina, but alas, I didn't know about lube and she wasn't wet anymore. Afterwards, I masturbated with her watching so that she could see me orgasm....besides, I needed to after all of that. She found it so exciting that when we went back to my dad's place, she had me show my other sister, which I gladly did. Oh to be young like that again! That was the last time that I ever did anything with my sisters. You might think that from all of this that I shortly lost my "virginity," but I did not. I didn't actually insert my penis into a woman's vagina until I was 21. My point in all of this is that your assumption that children are not sexual, nor do they have lustful feelings is incorrect. I do remember very well. I can still recall the actual sensations that I felt, my thoughts, my desires, and what held my interest. I know of another child that, of their own accord, had a thing for rubbing up against their daddy's penis, wanting to be there when he changed. They were never shown, nor even talked to about sexual things, and yet this girl not only liked to rub up against him, but would hold his now hard penis up against her privates and push back. She was 1 and a half when she started and went until she was 5. There was never any penetration. It was just something that she did. So, just because you never had any of those desires yourself (that you were aware of, they probably were not that important) until puberty hit, it doesn't mean that every other child was like you, because we aren't and weren't. I hope that this gives you some insight about how we are truly each different. While you have a wonderful relationship with your parents, and it started later in life, I on the other hand, had desires all of my life, but never really acted on them. And it is for the very same reason you feel that children are not sexual....you have an innate respect for them and others. Thank you, Bob