------------------------------------------------------------- WARNING! This text file contains sexually explicit material. If you do not wish to read this type of literature, or you are under the legal age where you live, PLEASE CLOSE THIS FILE NOW!!!! ------------------------------------------------------------- This work is copyrighted to the author © 2010. This story may be posted to non-commercial "free" sites, or in the "free" area of commercial sites so long as no changes are made AND the author information is retained. By: Kelly Originally posted at http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Kelly_Diary/www/ ------------------------------------------------------------ A CASE FOR BSDM Submitted By: Tor
Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2009 12:04:03 PM ******************************************************************************** I just wanted to write you a note to say that I'm really enjoying the writing in your Diary. :) One quick thing that popped out at me, is that it doesn't sound like you have had any experience with real bdsm. You mentioned in one of the stories about your uncle (and maybe another one as well) that the dominant men you have been with have been really rough and unpleasant. The reason why I'm writing is that there's a bdsm community, and that's not how they do it. There's a difference between a dominant man, and a misogynist (or an asshole). The second two either like hurting women, or don't really care whether they hurt them, so long as they get off. Dominance, as defined by the bdsm community, is based on power exchange. For example, when I'm with someone, even though I'm a dom, what gets me off is not the fact that I'm hurting the woman I'm with. What gets me off is the fact that she wants me to hurt her, and is getting off on the pain (which could be as mild as a spanking or light tying up, or something more extreme). They call it 'power exchange' in the community - and from what I understand, the sub is not getting off on the pain, so much as getting off on the fact that they have given the power to hurt them to someone else. Wrapped up in all this is the concept that no bdsm play is done unless it is safe, sane and consensual. Obviously, the only thing that separates bdsm play from rape is the fact that the sub consents to everything - and surprisingly, the sub is the one who is in control. Which doesn't initially make sense, but if you realize that me, as the dom, may be willing (and enjoy, with someone who enjoys it) activities ranging from light spanking to heavy flogging, golden showers, and other extreme types of play (but no breath play or blood play). The sub may only enjoy various types of spanking, with no bruising. As a result, the person who is deciding how far we go, is the sub. Even during play, I'm watching the person I'm with to make sure that they are still getting off and enjoying themselves - if it appears that they are starting to not enjoy it, I'll back off or try something else. The worst thing that could happen is that the sub has to use her 'safe word' - which means that I haven't read her correctly, and exceeded her limits. Even though we didn't go 'too far' - I pride myself on my ability to take people to the edge of what they think they'll enjoy, and beyond when they're ready for it. So someone having to use the safe word represents a failure on my part. Although, I'm happy that no one has had to use it with me, except a few people who wanted to test to see if I'd really stop. Which is the last point I'd like to make - trust is essential for bdsm play - you can't enjoy it if you don't trust the person you are with - both not to hurt you when you're tied up, and to use your safe word before we go too far, so that I know that you're truly consenting to what we are doing. Sorry for the long rant - but I just wanted to let you know that not all doms are assholes, or misogynists. Tor