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Message-ID: <62500asstr$1359162604@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Ed Rider <edrider73@gmail.com>
Subject: {ASSM} Heart of Gold
Lines: 1951
Date: Fri, 25 Jan 2013 20:10:04 -0500
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
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<1st attachment, "Heart of Gold.txt" begin>

Heart of Gold



   By Ed Rider



   "Oh my god, it's Bozo," said Ilinka.

   "Who's Bozo?" said Don, looking in the direction where she was staring,
but she didn't hear him, because she was jumping out of her chair as she
was saying, "What in the world is he doing here?" She ran over to the bar
and screamed and gave a big hug and a kiss on the cheek to a burly man with
lots of hair on his face wearing a thick, baggy sweater.

   Bozo seemed to be just as shocked to see her, and for the next 10
minutes Don watched them talking animatedly.  Then Bozo said something, and
she quickly turned to look at Don.  He could see that she was embarrassed
that she had forgotten he was there.  She grabbed Bozo by the hand and
pulled him to their table.

   "Don," she said, "this big ugly bear is Bozo.  The last time I saw him
was 15 years ago, and I thought I'd never see him again.  But here he is in
the United States, and he shows up in this restaurant.  Bozo, this is Don,
my husband."

   "Pleased to meet you," said Bozo.  His accent was so thick, Don barely
understood him.

   "Nice to meet one of Ilinka's old friends," said Don.  "Won't you sit
down with us?"

   "I'm sorry," said Bozo.  "Must get back to work.  Take break for drink."

   "Maybe we can get together some other time?" said Don.  "How do you know
Ilinka?"

   "Bozo used to be my boss," she said.

   A look of concern crossed Bozo's face, and he said something to Ilinka
in their language.

   "Oh, don't worry, Bozo," she said in English.  "Don knows.  He's all
right with it."

   "Oh, he was that boss," said Don.

   "Yes, Bozo's a director," said Ilinka.  "He told me that a big web
company brought him and his entire production team over here, and their
studio's a couple of blocks away.  Isn't that amazing?"

   "Ilinka wonderful lady," said Bozo.  "You very lucky.  She tell me she
very lucky to find you.  Congratulations.  Wonderful kids, too.  You lucky
man.  Wish you much happiness.  Must go now.  Bye."

   "You are wonderful, too, Bozo," she said, wrapping her hands around his
neck and looking at him with her face inches from him.  "I hope you find
happiness in the States, too." She kissed him on the cheek and let him go.
When she sat down, Don saw tears in her eyes as she said, almost to
herself, "I'm glad I saw him again.  I wondered what would become of him."



   The first thing Don noticed about Ilinka was her stunning beauty that
had a touch of the exotic.  That's because of her Eastern European
bloodlines.  She said she didn't know much about her ancestry, but Don was
sure there was gypsy blood in there somewhere.  He told her that's why she
was so passionate and also so mercenary.  She told him that was a stupid
stereotype.

   When he asked her out, she seemed wary, but she continued going out with
him even though he found out she was seeing other men.  They had a good
time together, including in bed, but she seemed to be keeping her distance.
A few months later, he asked her about her other male friends and found out
she was no longer seeing them.  She seemed embarrassed and upset to tell
him, and after he suggested that they move in together, she agreed, but not
enthusiastically.

   As he got to know her in close quarters, he realized she had some
strange personality traits.  She didn't want to talk about her life before
she came to the United States at 19, but he figured her obsession with
money came from growing up in poverty.  Her suspicious nature and
inclination to think the worst about everyone before she got to know them
may have come from those days, too.  He was happy when she told him she was
working on being more open and trusting.

   The strange thing was that the more of her human failings he discovered,
the more his affection for her grew.  She was affectionate to him, too, but
only up to a point.  He fell hard, but he didn't say anything, because she
never expressed strong feelings for him, even after living with him for two
years.

   One day, Don woke up and realized that being with her exclusively was
making him feel ready to settle down.  He never thought it would happen,
but he craved stability and security in his personal life.  He even thought
about having children.  He wondered if she might be thinking similar
thoughts and guessed that if she was, he was not part of her plan.

   He went back and forth in his mind for a few weeks about what he should
do.  If told her how he felt, that would probably be the end of them being
together.  On the other hand, this relationship was going nowhere, and he
yearned for something permanent.  Finally, he decided that he had to do
something, even at the risk of losing her completely.

   One night when they were having dinner at home, he asked her, "Have you
ever thought of what you'd say if I asked you to marry me?" he said.

   She seemed to jump in her chair.  "Don't be silly," she said
dismissively.  "Aren't we happy together?  Why would you want to destroy
that?"

   "I'm serious, Ilinka," he said.  "I'm not angry that you're living with
me while you're looking for Mr.  Right.  But as I've gotten to know you
better, I've developed feelings for you, and I'm at the point in my life
where I want something stable and permanent.  Just tell me the truth.  I
may not like it, but I finally worked up the courage to hear it."

   "You're funny, Don," she said.  "You're the one who's looking for the
right person.  I know you like being with me, because I'm beautiful and
exotic, like you told me when we first met.  That makes other girls more
interested in you.

   "I don't resent you using me like that, because I'm comfortable with our
arrangement.  I knew someday you'd move on.  I didn't think it would take
this long, but I guess you're just picky, because I've seen some girls much
more beautiful than me throw themselves at you.

   "Don, I hope you find someone wonderful to love.  I hope she will be a
special person who's also worthy of your love.  Me, I don't know about
love. I think I was in love once when I was very young, and it hurt a lot.
Friendship can hurt, too, but not as bad as love."

   "So that means you wouldn't be interested in spending the rest of your
life with me and having a family?" he said.

   "That sounds so good, Don, but it's a fantasy," she said.  "We aren't
good for each other that way.  Why look for trouble?"

   "Trouble is always around the corner, Ilinka," he said.  "You don't have
to look for it.  But you do have to look for happiness.  Maybe you're
right. I read where the happiest men are married men, and single women are
happier than married women.  So I guess I need to find a woman who's
willing to be unhappy with me.

   "I realized I loved you when I began wanting to make you happy.  If that
means giving you up to a man that you love, I'm not going to fight it.  I
hope I've made you a little bit happy the last two years.  Oh, I'm sorry. I
didn't want to make you cry.

   "I'm crying because you really annoy me, Don," she said.  "You really
don't know me."

   "And you obviously don't know me, Ilinka," he said, "even though you've
been with my family when they visited, and all of them like you.  But I
know what I want for the future, and it's a wife and family.  It sounds
like that would be boring to you.  You probably want a more exotic
lifestyle."

   "Why do you keep saying that, Don?" she said.  "Yes, I come from Eastern
Europe, and my childhood was a lot different than yours.  But you know me
well enough to know I'm all business.  I'm not a citizen yet, but I'm 100
per cent American.  I go after my dreams and won't let anyone stop me. 
You've even called me ruthless, and you were surprised when I told you that
I considered that a compliment.

   "I like being with you because you've made me a little softer and more
open.  Thanks to you, I have more friends now than I ever expected to have.
I've tried to make you harder and more suspicious.  You are so gullible
because you have such a big heart.

   "Why wouldn't our chemistry work just as well when we are married,
Ilinka?" he said.  "Is it that you don't want children?"

   "Oh no," she said.  "That's one of my goals.  And I know children need a
father.  But I've never thought about the father other than as someone with
plenty of money to provide for me while I raise the children.  One of my
friends told me the name for me is golddigger.  Once I have children, I'm
sure they will be the center of my life."

   "You have some strange ideas, Ilinka?" she said.  "Don't you want your
children to grow up to be happy and fulfilled and have good marriages.  If
your husband is an afterthought, that's going to cause a lot of problems
for your children."

   "You sure swallow a lot of that American psychological stuff, Don," she
said.  "That's not how we think in Europe."

   "Ilinka, this conversation is going nowhere," he said.  "I guess the
bottom line is that you're telling me if I asked you to marry me, you would
turn me down because you don't love me and, even if you did, I don't have
enough money to provide whatever it is you want for your kids.  Is that
right?"

   She said nothing for a while, and he saw that she was struggling with
her answer.  Finally, she said quietly, "Yes, I guess that's right." He saw
she was looking at her hands, not at him.

   "Thank you for being honest, Ilinka," he said.  "I'm going to start
looking around.  I think you're right.  I need to begin dating other women
again and finding another place to live."

   She raised her head, and he saw she was crying.  He pulled her to her
feet and embraced her.

   "Don't worry, Ilinka," he said.  "You like to pretend you are cold and
calculating, but I know you're a warm, caring woman underneath.  When you
find a man you really love, you'll open up that side of yourself, and
you'll have a wonderful marriage and family.  That's what you deserve."

   His words didn't seem to comfort her, because she cried on his shoulder
a long time.



   They didn't see much of each other the next three weeks, because both of
their work schedules were loaded.  Occasionally, they made love, but Don
could feel something missing.  It was still pleasurable, but now for him
there was a sadness that lingered after sex that had never been there
before.  One time he woke in the middle of the night and heard her weeping.
He put his arm around her, but she started and turned away from him and
pushed her head into her pillow.

   It was four weeks later when he arrived home one day, and she was
sitting in the kitchen with a bottle of wine and crying.  "What's wrong?"
he said.

   "You," she said.  "You're wrong.  I'm feeling horrible, and it's your
fault.  Tell me about all your dates with other women."

   "What dates?"

   "That's what I mean.  And what have you done about moving out?"

   "What have you done, Ilinka?"

   "Nothing, the same as you.  I think you're hanging on to me, and I don't
want to let you go, either, but we have to."

   "Tell me again why we have to."

   "You're cruel.  You like torturing me."

   "Wait a minute?  Who turned who down?  You told me you don't love me."

   "You're a monster.  You twist my words."

   "Are you crazy?  I've never seen you like this?  What's going on?"

   "You're stupid, too."

   "Yes, I'm stupid, because I'm just starting to get it.  All I want is
the truth, Ilinka.  Do you love me?"

   "I'm not going to answer that question, because it's too ridiculous.  We
can't get married.  It wouldn't work.  I would make you the unhappiest man
in the world.  Just like I'm the unhappiest woman in the world right now."

   "This isn't like you, Ilinka.  You're all business.  Tomorrow, I'm going
to be all business.  I'm buying a ring.  Don't worry.  I know you.  I'll
buy it from a place where you can exchange it for one that you like better.
Tomorrow night, we have an appointment at 7, and you better not be late."

   "No, Don," she said.  "No ring tomorrow.  I've had too much wine to
talk. But I'll be here at 7 for our appointment, because I owe you an
explanation so you'll understand why we can never marry."



   "I'm going to tell the truth tonight, Don," she said the next night when
they went to the living room after dinner.  When he came home, he noticed
her eyes were red, but he said nothing.

   "I don't know why, but right after we started dating, I decided to never
lie to you.  I lie all the time to other people, but I'm working on that. I
needed to lie often in the old country, but in America, you only need to
lie a little bit.  I don't enjoy lying, and you've helped me so I lie a lot
less to everyone.

   "I've never lied to you, but I did hide the truth.  Tonight, no more. 
You're going to hear some things that will make your American heart grow
cold.  You will feel completely different about me.  I never wanted to tell
you these things, because I know what they will do to you.

   "I'm not afraid of how you will treat me after I tell you.  I can deal
with whatever you say.  But I'm afraid it will eat you up.  You are so open
and trusting and naive.  You'll try to forgive me, but that won't help you.
You will still be sick inside.  But I think I have to do this so you can
find someone who will bring you happiness.

   "The first thing I have to admit is something I couldn't face.  I've
handled many things in my life, but I tried to hide this from myself.  And
I'd still be hiding it, if you hadn't forced me to face it.  So I hate you
for that, but I'm also grateful, because I needed to face it.

   "The fact is, I love you.  No, don't get up.  Sit there until I'm done.
I realize now that I love you more than anyone I've ever loved or will ever
love again.  You are everything I want in a man.  Just being with you makes
me think that I'm a better person than I really am.

   "And that's the only reason I'm sitting here telling you this.  I'm
going to move out by next week.  If you won't do something for yourself,
I'll have to do it.  You need to forget me and move forward.  So tonight
I'm the mother giving you the horrible medicine that she hopes will make
her child get well.

   "I'm not going to bore you with my whole life story.  Being poor is
boring, but as a child, I didn't realize it.  I grew up with only a mother,
but I had lots of friends and a happy childhood.  I was never abused
physically or sexually.  I tell you that for a reason.

   "Maybe it was the gypsy blood that you imagine I have, but when I was a
teenager, I became aware of two things.  One was how poor my mother and I
were and how little chance I had to escape a life similar to hers.  She was
comforted by religion, but as you know, I think that's superstition, so it
never helped me accept the way things are.

   "The second thing I realized was that I was beautiful.  I don't know how
it happened, because if you look at pictures of me as a child, I wasn't one
of the cute ones.  But somehow I came out with this body and this face, and
when I was around 16, I noticed friends and strangers both started treating
me differently.

   "As you know, I'm not stupid.  When I thought about the future, my goal
was to have money.  Yes, I wanted to help my mother, but mostly I wanted it
for myself.  I didn't want to become like her.  I needed to escape.  I
began to read about making money, and I discovered that all the books about
people who were poor and found a way to be rich were translations and came
from the same country: the United States of America.

   "I began reading about America, and I quickly realized that the best
chance I would have to escape poverty would be to come here.  I started
investigating that, but I soon realized that it would be almost impossible.
I was young, I didn't know English and I had little work experience.  Even
if I qualified, it would take years until I could get a place on the quota
list.  But I put in my application anyway and started learning English.

   "I met a nice gentleman at the American legation, and I got the idea
that for certain favors, he would speed up the process.  I had just
recently started having sex with boys, and I thought about it, but when I
thought about America, it was like a dream.  Everything was idealized. 
America was where you only needed to work hard and you would be happy.  I
didn't want to start my fantasy journey lying on my back.

   "How naive I was, and how funny when I tell you what happened later! 
Well, this nice gentleman was still very nice to me, even though I refused
him.  I think he enjoyed being seen with me at nice restaurants.  We met
occasionally to discuss the status of my application, and he was very
helpful.  One time, he told me that it's too bad I was beautiful and poor,
because if I was ugly and rich, I would already be in America.

   "I asked him what he meant, and he said that immigrants who could show
that they had enough money to survive without finding a job right away
moved to the head of the line.  They wouldn't be applying for welfare, and
they might even start businesses that gave jobs to other Americans.  So
though it wasn't fair, people with money were more welcome in America than
poor people.

   "Now I was more frustrated.  There was my ticket to America.  All I
needed was money.  What a laugh!  Then three days later, I met Bozo at a
party, and we began talking.  I liked him immediately, maybe because he
told me I was beautiful, but then acted like it didn't matter.  I asked him
why he said that but didn't come on to me or at least start talking stupid
stuff, and he said it was because he knew a lot of beautiful women.

   "You can imagine how that intrigued me.  We left the party and went to
his apartment, where we talked until 3 a.m.  Or I should say, I talked
about an hour and told him all my dreams, and then he talked the rest of
the time about how I might be able to achieve them.  We didn't have sex
that first night, but when I left his apartment, I was happier than I had
been since I was a child.

   "He told me that because of my looks, I had choices other women didn't
have.  I could get a job in the tourist industry -- in a hotel, at an
airline, at a car rental agency, at a tour company -- where I was likely to
run into an occasional older, wealthy single American man.  When I found
one that suited me, I shouldn't have any trouble roping him in, and he
would be my ticket to America.  He said America was full of ugly old men
who had purchased beautiful East European wives.

   "Another way would be to sign up with a mail-order bride company.  Those
ugly rich Americans were coming over every day buying the beautiful woman
they saw online and taking her home.  It was a big business.

   "He said the only problem with those ways was that sometimes the man was
damaged.  He could be a great husband, but he could also be mentally
disturbed or even dangerous.  If I got one of those, I would need to get a
divorce, but if I did it too quickly, I might be deported.

   "After I told him how much money the American official said I needed to
have to move up the quota list, he thought of a third way.  I could go to
work for him.  He was the top porn director in the country, and he told me
that if I worked hard, I could make the money in a year.  He said it wasn't
easy work, and most girls couldn't take it for more than a few months.  But
he said that I had much bigger goals than they did, and I sounded
determined.

   "The next day, I called up a girlfriend who had done some porn.  She
told me Bozo had a great reputation for treating his employees well and
paid more than anyone else.  She said it wasn't that hard, except for the
stuff that hurt or was disgusting, but of course, that stuff paid much more
than the easy stuff.

   "I thought about it for a few days, and then I figured why not at least
give it a try, so I called up Bozo.  He let me come over and watch the
filming one day.  I thought I knew all about sex at 17, but I was shocked
by some of the things I saw.  I asked myself if I could do them, and I
think Bozo saw that I was scared.  He told me that even though I would be
playing many roles, including victim, he would never force me to do
anything I didn't want to.  He also said I should wait at least three days
to make a decision.

   "The third morning, I called him, and I started work that day.  He
brought me along slowly.  For a while, it was only masturbating in front of
a camera.  Then came girl-girl.  Then I began doing fetish movies where all
I did was torture or humiliate men or women.  I learned to stick my fingers
and fists into every hole in the body and do other strange things that men
wanted to see.  Bobo said that more than 80 per cent of the customers on
the websites were men.

   "As I got used to the work, I told Bozo that I was ready for more. 
Eventually, I did everything -- even being fisted myself and extreme
bondage and worse.  Anything you can see on the Internet, I've done it.

   "Bozo paid me more money than anyone else, because he said that no one
as beautiful as me would ever do the things I was willing to do.  He said I
was the most popular model on all his festish and extreme sex sites.  He
also took care of things that I was too stupid to think of.  For instance,
I became a blond and a redhead, and he did other things to my face with
makeup, hair styles, jewelry and prosthetics.

   "He told me that when I retired and changed back to looking the way I
look now, no one in the world would ever recognize me.  I didn't believe
him, but he was right.  I know you sometimes look at porn on the Internet,
and I'm sure you've seen me, because people have stolen videos of me from
his sites, and they're everywhere.

   "I was too busy working to have a chance to spend the money I was
making. I passed the amount I needed in nine months, but I decided to stick
it out for the year in case I would need a cushion.  You should have seen
the faces at the legation when I showed them my bank book.  I know they
didn't believe me until they checked.

   "I needed to have an explanation for all the money, and a friend who is
a talented artist helped me.  I became a painter, and I brought some of the
amazing work that he couldn't sell and showed it to the American officials.
They were convinced and even asked me if I would sell some to them.  They
paid some amazing prices, which I gave to my friend.

   "I also was working on my plan for America.  I would come here as a
resident alien and find a job and begin looking for my rich husband.  I had
enough money to last me at least a few years, and I intended to start a
business and make a lot more so there would be no pressure on me to take
the first man that came along.

   "When I got here, my body and face began attracting attention, and I had
a lot of dates.  All the young, good looking guys were immature or jerks or
both.  I'm sure some of them will change, but I didn't want to gamble on
which one.

   "So I started dating older men, who were liars and cheaters, that is if
they weren't mama's boys or self-centered jerks like the young guys.  I
didn't think it was going to be this hard.

   "Then I met a young man who was different.  At first, I just used you as
a break from my search.  When you suggested we live together, I thought it
would be a good stable situation for me that would still allow me to look
around.

   "Then I realized I wasn't looking.  I was getting comfortable and lazy
with you, even though I knew you weren't what I needed.  I'm sure you're
going to be very successful someday, Don, but at the beginning, you and
your wife are going to struggle, especially if you have children right
away. I'm done struggling.  Also, I know the kind of person you are. 
You're a wonderful person, but you're not a saint, and you can't deal with
the kind of person who's done what I did to get where I am.

   "At first, I thought of myself as an actress, because I never did
tricks. But the truth is I was not much different from the women in the
streets when I walked home at night after work.  In fact, I was doing
things that most of them wouldn't do.  I was a cold-hearted whore.

   "I'd like to keep on talking, Don, to keep you here with me, but I've
run out of things to say.  From the look on your face, I guess we're
finished now."

   Don's closed his mouth.  He wanted to push his eyeballs back into his
head, because he felt they were hanging out of his sockets.  He had to say
something, but what?  Nothing came to his mind at first.  Then something
did.  She was already pushing her chair back and getting up.

   "Not so fast, Ilinka," he said.  "Thanks for throwing me in the river
without a paddle.  Can you at least wait a minute?"

   She sat down again.  "What's the use, Don?  What can you say?  I just
told you I'm a greedy whore with a heart as cold as ice who's been using
you.  Don't you get it?" She was dry-eyed throughout her long speech, but
now she was crying.

   "Then why are you crying?" he said.  He was grasping at straws.

   "I'm a great actress, Don, "and I can turn on the tears whenever I need
to.  For all you know, I'm acting right now."

   "I don't believe you, Ilinka.  You say you've just used me for two
years. But your heart isn't cold.  You've admitted there's love in there
for me.  To me, your heart is precious."

   "Sure, Don.  It's as precious as gold?  You watch too many movies.  I'm
your whore with a heart of gold.  Do you even hear what you're saying? 
You're living in a fantasy world.  Working girls like me can chew you up
and spit you out."

   "Shut up, Ilinka," he shouted.  "You're talking nonsense now, not the
truth.  But you're right.  We're finished for today.  I need to think, and
I don't know where to start."

   "I would start by telling your friends," she said as her tears flowed.
"Maybe they'll keep you from saying any more stupid things to me." She ran
out of the room.

   But Don didn't talk to his friends.  The more he thought about it, the
more he realized that he didn't really care what any of them thought.  The
only thing that mattered was what he thought.  But what did he think?

   Ilinka mostly stayed out of his way the next few days.  She told him she
had contacted an agency to look for an apartment so she could be out of
there by the end of the month.

   One morning, Don woke up early and saw her lying next to him in a sound
sleep.  He lay there looking at her body next to his and thinking.  By the
time she stirred an hour later, he had decided.  She resisted when he told
her they needed to make an appointment for that night, but he threatened
her.  "After you hear me out, you can do what you want," he said, "but I
listened to you, so you have to listen to me.  That's the American way, and
besides that, if you don't listen to me, I'm going to stalk you until you
do."

   "I want to understand something, Ilinka," he said when they sat down
later.  She was dry eyed and acting like she did when she was humoring him
about one of his American ideas that she thought was crazy.  She was all
business.

   "You've slept with lots of men, right?  Did I ever ask you how many? 
You are a beautiful woman, a desirable woman, and I knew that from the
moment I met you.  Remember how surprised I was when you told me you had
stopped seeing other men.  I'm sure you've met American men who want to
know all about your love life, and you lied to them, and they know you did,
but that's what they want.  Am I one of those men?"

   She was silent and looking at her nails.

   "You said, you began acting in porn when you were 17, and you did it for
one year.  You're now 21.  Are you saying you are the same person you were
then?  If you are, then your whole life is a lie, Ilinka.  You came to
America to start a new life, but if you never change, how can that happen?

   "When I met you, you were already much different from what you told me,
and I've seen you changing while we've been together.  I believe people can
change if they work on it.  I know I'm a better person now than when I was
a self-centered teenager.  Caring for you has made me better.  You are
already a good person, even though you are a little mercenary.  You treat
people differently than you did two years ago.

   "You think you'll make my life miserable.  But I feel with all my heart
that you'll make me the happiest man on Earth, so I have to take that
chance.  You tell me your heart is made of ice, but I don't feel the chill.
I feel a warm glow from deep inside you.  You can try to block it, but it's
coming out of your heart, which so precious that I must own it.  I want
your precious heart, like a miser wants gold.  I have to have your heart of
gold for myself."

   As he spoke, he stood up from his chair, and then he knelt in front of
her.  She drew back from him in fright.  Her calm face was starting to come
apart.  And then he opened the little box.



   He didn't bring up her acting career until they had been married seven
years and had two children.  He said it was his seven-year itch.  Their
marriage had been the best mistake he ever made, he would often tell her,
reminding her of her words.  In return, she would tell him he could have
had an amazing wife but he fell for her act and had to settle for her.  At
first, those were the only times they alluded to the night she told him
about her previous life.

   One night he told her that he was glad she wasn't threatened when he
occasionally watched porn.  He said that it turned him on, but in a strange
way.  Whenever he saw a young blonde or redhead, he wondered if it was her.
No, he didn't want to know which one she was, and he didn't want to know
about all the men or women she performed with.  But he was fascinated about
what she did when she was working, what her job was like and how the
industry operated.

   She didn't encourage his questions, but she kept the promise she had
made the first night and always told him the truth.

   He asked her how often she had made videos.

   "Every day," she said.  "I worked a full shift Monday through Friday. 
It was hard work, but most of the day was spent preparing.  Men want
variety, so my makeup and styling changed from scene to scene.  Sometimes I
had different roles in the same video.  I have hundreds of different names.
The actual performance time wasn't that long, but by the time the day was
done, I was exhausted.  I went home and had a bath and went to sleep.  On
the weekends, I was in no mood to run around, so I mostly stayed at home.
For that year, I saw few friends and took no vacations."

   Did she ever have an orgasm?

   "All the time," she said, "but it didn't matter whether I did or not.  I
had to learn to act as if I was coming, and I got so good at it that nobody
on the set knew the difference.  An orgasm was something that happened
unexpectedly, and I enjoyed it.  It was like getting paid a bonus."

   How did she deal with the pain?

   "A lot of it was fake, especially in the bondage videos," she said. 
"Bozo never did the real hard S&M stuff, even though there were plenty of
actors and actresses who were willing to be hurt.  I hated the anal and
never got used to it.  I always tried to do it with some guy who was
smaller, but Bozo explained that men want to see the girl stretched and
suffering.

   "No, I don't resent doing it with you.  For you, it's my gift.  You know
that I'm not enjoying it, so you are especially nice to me afterwards.  And
you're considerate because you don't ask for it often.  I wish men didn't
desire it, but I know most of them do.  So why shouldn't you?

   "The worst was fisting in the ass.  Depending on the woman, it's anal
times three or times four.  Bozo would never let a man fist me, only women,
because he said it wasn't worth the extra money.  I'm so small back there,
it could have put me out of business for weeks."

   What about eating out assholes?

   "Usually, it wasn't much different than eating out pussies because
professionals know how to clean themselves inside before they go on camera.
But there are some strange people in the business, and they would enjoy
playing jokes to see if they could get you to gag or even throw up on the
set.  After a while, you know who they are, and you avoid them, but it
wasn't always possible.  Like the other things, it was just part of the
job."

   Were you always so good at blowjobs?

   "That was one of the hardest things for me.  The sucking and licking and
pulling without using my hands I learned quickly, but the smell and taste
made me sick.  I had to learn how to spit it out so it went all over my
face.  I had to open my mouth and play with it and then swallow it.  I had
to keep it a secret as I kept going up and down until it came out of the
sides of my mouth.  I had to spit it back into my partner's mouth.  I had
to share it with another girl.  For some reason, it was worse when she
shared hers with me.

   "But that was something I had to do over and over, day after day, and
finally my nose and tongue became numb to the smell and taste.  I would do
tricks with it, like spit it out in a spiral and put my face under it so it
would come down in a circle.  Bozo said nobody could match me when it came
to come.

   "That's why you're so lucky, Don.  You didn't tell me that in America,
when a woman gets married, she no longer gives blowjobs.  All my
girlfriends are amazed that I don't mind."

   Why does the man always beat off at the end before he comes?  It's much
more exciting when the woman makes him come with her hands or her mouth or
her pussy or her ass.

   "When he needs to cover her face with come, he has to be in control. 
She doesn't know when it's going to start, but he does.  And even if she's
had a hundred facials, the stuff spurting into her mouth and her eyes may
make her lose concentration.  Also, men like to see the come leaving his
penis and traveling into her mouth and over her face.

   "But the real reason is the industry's dirty little secret and why you
never want to become a porn actor.  Most of the male actors can't come
unless they are doing it to themselves.  Remember, it's work, not love. 
For the woman, it's not hard to stop and start over and over to get into a
different position while the crew adjusts the lighting or moves the
cameras. For the man, it's unnatural, and they each have to learn how to
get hard again and again and keep from coming until the time is right.  In
the old days, before Viagra, the man used to come right away, and after
they filmed the money shot, he would be aroused by a special actress and
shoot the rest of the scene that leads up to his coming.

   "Eventually, the actors learn that in order to come exactly when and
where the director wants, they need to take things into their own hands. 
The problem is that eventually they're conditioned, and then they can't
come any other way.  It's just one more way that porn victimizes men.

   What do you mean?

   "It's funny that people feel sorry for the girls in the videos.  Most of
them are just sluts who can't believe they're getting paid for what they
would do for free.  But most of the men are sorry losers who get sucked in,
used up and discarded.  Bozo explained to me that the women rule, because
that's all the customers are interested in.  Remember, most of the people
who pay for sex videos are men, and usually they are only interested in the
woman.  The men are just there to service the woman and stick their things
into her so the customer can imagine it's him.

   "The male actors are like human dildos, totally interchangeable, and
nobody cares.  That's why the women make all the money and most of the men
settle for peanuts.  Especially today, they know they're lucky to get any
work because with Viagra, almost any man can be an actor.

   "The men are so funny.  They strut around like they're dangerous macho
man pimps or gangsters, and they pierce themselves and get bizarre tattoos,
but they are really pathetic wimps.  They love it when they get to make a
video where they can slap the girl around, because it makes them feel like
they are on top for a few minutes.  But they know the women are getting
paid a premium for a little slapping and spitting while they have to take
whatever crumbs they are thrown.

   "That's why a lot more of them than the women get wasted by drugs and
booze.  They're pitiful trained monkeys who get to have sex with beautiful
women for a few years before they're tossed in the garbage."

   What about diseases?

   "Bozo's operation was what they called bareback.  No condoms at all. 
That's why he could charge so much and pay so much.  But for that reason,
he was super careful.  He used only contract actors, and even then, we all
had to give blood once a month and sometimes more often.  He often said, he
wished he could cage us up, because we were animals.  With all the sex we
were getting, why would anyone do it off the set and risk his or her
career? For the whole year, I never had sex unless it was for a video.  And
as far as I know, no one on his staff ever had a disease, including the bi
actors.  He didn't do gay male videos, but there were a lot of them that
had men going both ways."

   Was there anything you wouldn't do?

   "No.  After a while, I did it all.  You men make distinctions and get
all excited about will she do this or will she do that, or if it's the
first time she ever did this.  For working actors and actresses, it's just
a job.  You do what the boss says, or you go into a different line of
work."

   What about all the drugs?

   "Some of the crew and some performers were on drugs, but unless they
messed up, nobody cared.  I felt sorry for the girls who were religious. 
Most of them needed the drugs to be able to work.  But they knew that they
better not be too high, because if you got a reputation for poor
performances, you were quickly washed up, and nobody would touch you.  I
never needed drugs, because I wasn't conflicted.  Every day, I was getting
closer to my goal."

   Were there any white slaves?

   "Not white or any other color.  Not where I was.  I heard that most of
the white slavery stuff was for politicians to get elected.  With all the
cops looking for white slaves and teenage whores, there would be stuff in
the news every day if it was real.  Why don't you hear about it more than
once or twice a year, or when there's an election?  Tell me that.

   How about suicides?

   "I never knew one girl who committed suicide.  I knew lots of girls who
dropped out.  Some of them didn't know why they were there.  Some of them
wouldn't do what I would do.  Some of them found boyfriends and husbands.
Some of them I have no idea.  There were plenty of unhappy girls that I
worked with, but I work with just as many now."

   You say you did everything?  Then why do you refuse to do some of those
things with me, especially some things that are not that bad.

   "I've tried to explain that work is work and making love is making love.
You see something on the Internet like reverse cowgirl.  That's work.  Guys
love to see that because it shows all the man's and women's equipment in
action and shows the girl's face at the same time.  But it's not
comfortable for the woman, and there's no sense of intimacy.  It's like a
machine, not two people who are pleasuring each other.

   "The same with anything where your body or legs are in an uncomfortable
position.  I did that at work for the customers.  They think it's hot,
because their wife or girlfriend would never do it with them.  It's work,
not love.

   "Next time you look at some of your favorite weird positions on the
Internet, watch the woman's face.  A lot of the time, she's aimed in the
opposite direction of the camera, but for some reason, she's always turning
around to look into the lens.  Do you think that's comfortable for her? 
After a while, she's got a sore neck.  It's because the men want to see her
facial expressions while the actor is pounding her.  The expressions are
all acting, whether she looks like she's bored or excited or in pain.  You
never know what she's really feeling.  But the customers want to see those
fake emotions and pretend they are real."

   The detailed questions continued.  Don was interested in everything that
happened on the set, and Ilinka grudgingly explained it all to him.  He
began to say things like, "That would be great to watch" and "I would love
to see how they do that." She felt he was leading up to something, and sure
enough, one night he came out it with.  "Do you ever think about making a
video with me?" he asked her.

   "No, but I can tell you're thinking about it," she said.  "Now I know
why you're so interested in every little detail.  Well, it's not going to
happen?"

   "You won't even consider it?"

   "No."

   "Is it because you are ashamed of that one year?  Can't you tell that it
doesn't matter to me.  When I think about it now, it makes you even more
exciting to me."

   "Yes, that's obvious, Don," she said, "and that's why I'm not angry with
you.  I'm not ashamed of what I did, because it was a means to an end.  I'm
happy I did it, because if I hadn't, we wouldn't be happily married with
two beautiful children.  But I've moved on to other work that I like a lot
better."

   "Do you think you could ever do that again?"

   "Of course.  I'm a professional.  I could do it again tomorrow.  You
don't forget that stuff.  If we lost everything and my children were
starving, I wouldn't hesitate.  But otherwise, case closed."

   "I just think it would be so exciting for us to make a porn video
together," he said.  "I'm sure it would be better than some of the amateur
garbage I've seen on the Internet, because you know so much.  I would
treasure the video.  Would you at least consider it, maybe as a special
gift for a birthday or anniversary?"

   "No Don, it's not going to happen," she said, "and I've told you the
reason.  Work is work and love is love.  I will never work with you, but I
will love you.  I'm not going to keep repeating this over and over.  I've
kept my promise to tell you everything you want to know.  But I didn't
promise to do it more than once.  Unless you come up with some new
questions, I don't want to hear about this again."

   But she did.  He wouldn't let it go.  He usually apologized each time he
brought it up, but he brought it up whenever she gave him an opening that
"reminded" him.  Maybe he didn't notice how she was getting more and more
irritated by the subject.

   When Bozo turned up, it diverted him for a while.  He asked her if she
was going to see him.

   "No, why would I?" she said.

   "Well, you were so friendly together the other night."

   "We were good friends, but he realizes that we are in different worlds
now, and we can't be friends anymore."

   "Why not?"

   "Why are you interested in our friendship, Don?"

   "Well, I was thinking that he said his studio was close to the
restaurant.  I wonder if he would let me come over and watch what he does
some day."

   "He would if I asked him, but I'll never do that," she said.  "I know
too much about men and porn, Don.  It might be harmless letting you see his
operation.  But there's a chance it could set you off in a direction that
would destroy our life together.  I'm not taking that chance."

   Don let go of that idea, but a week later he had another one.  "You know
the porn video with you, the idea that you hate," he said.  "Well, I was
thinking that only someone we trust could film it if you ever agreed.  Do
you trust Bozo?"

   "Of course I do.  He's honest, and we love each other in our way.  But
he wouldn't do it?"

   "Why not?  Why are you laughing?"

   "Because I would forbid him to do it."

   "That's great, Ilinka," he said and laughed.  "But please think about it
some more.  You told me how good he is at what he does.  He would do a
great job, and you know he wouldn't try anything funny, because of the way
he feels about you.  I'm sure he could arrange it so that it would be
totally confidential."

   "I'm sure," she said, "as sure as I am that I don't want to talk about
this anymore."

   Don realized that he had gone beyond irritating to infuriating one day
when she screamed at him, "Shut up.  Don't you have any self-control." She
started to say something else, but she stopped.  He saw something come over
her face, like a lightbulb going on.  She didn't say another word, and he
was too scared to say anything.

   A few nights later, she suprised him.

   "I called Bozo today," she said.

   "You did?" he said, "Why?"

   "You know why, Don," she said.  "Because of your pestering.  I talked to
him about your idea.  I told him I needed to get it out of your system, and
he agreed to help.  So you and I are going to do a video at his studio."

   "Ilinka, you are wonderful.  I know you hate the idea."

   "Yes, Don, I hate the idea, but I need to cure you of this disease.  I'm
going to go back to work one more time because of you, and I'm going to
make sure that I never have to again.  First, you will get to watch Bozo
direct some other actors for a while, and then it will be our turn.

   "I'm sorry I flew off the handle the other night, but it made me realize
something.  You are a wonderful father and a loving and considerate
husband, with this one exception.  I thought to myself, why would you do
this to me?  And then I realized, it was because you can't help yourself.

   "This idea has infected you like a disease, and only strong medicine
will cure it.  The medicine has to be doubly strong, because it also has to
inoculate you against the disease ever coming back.  That's why I've agreed
to go back to work for a day and for me and you to make a video.

   "You are going to experience my former industry first hand, but you're
not going to like it.  Sometimes it takes a bitter medicine to cure a
dangerous disease."

   "Ilinka, thank you for warning me," he said.  "You've told me so much
about what Bozo does, and I know a lot of it is distasteful.  But I think I
can handle that.  No matter what I see and what we do there, I won't hold
it against you.  I promise you."

   "Don, I'm going to remind you of that later, because I know you, and you
can't handle this.  If I thought you could, I wouldn't be doing it.  You
wouldn't be the man I know you are.  And I'm warning you again that you
don't want to do this.  You think you do right now, but please think about
it some more.  As someone who loves you, I am really fearful about using
this medicine.  Sometimes by accident, you can take too much medicine, and
the patient dies.  I don't want our marriage to die."

   "I think you worry too much, Ilinka.  I'm so excited about this. 
Whatever happens, we'll get through it, and I'm not going to let it wreck
our marriage."

   "I hope you're right Don."



   The filming was on a Sunday.  Ilinka explained that Bozo's team worked
seven days a week churning out videos for the insatiable websites.  They
would go for three months at a time and then burn out and collapse for a
week before resuming.  The money was too good to stop for long.

   She told Don that they would be shooting a real Internet video for Bozo,
just as if they were porn actors.  They would even get the standard pay for
newcomers, which was higher than for veterans.  And Bozo's makeup people
would do stuff to their hair, their noses, their ears and other parts of
their body to make them look so different that they wouldn't recognize
themselves in the mirror.  So their adventure would remain secret to
everyone but them and the crew.  Since the crew was all imported, and only
one of them besides Bozo spoke English, there was little risk.

   She also told him that threesomes were in demand right now, and that's
what Bozo would be shooting.  He was doing the videos in what the industry
called no-cut.  When she had been working, the shoots had to constantly
start and stop as actors got into different positions, she explained. 
Today, Bob and his team would keep on filming no matter what, using several
cameramen and some cameras on tripods.  Cameramen came cheap, and this way
the shoot would finish faster, so they could move on to the next video on
the schedule.  Editors also came cheap, and they were working 24 hours a
day to put together the material from all the cameras and release the
vidoes.

   Don wanted to ask her questions about what she told him.  He was
bursting with excitement.  But she said he'd learn all the details on
Saturday.

   When they got to the studio Saturday, they were greeted by someone who
spoke to Ilinka but not in English.  Ilinka told Don they were going to
separate for makeup, and that Galina, his makeup artist, spoke English.

   He was led into a small room with lots of lights and mirrors.  Galina
turned out to be young and stunningly beautiful.  She asked him to disrobe
completely and then went to work all over his body.  The last thing she got
to was his face.  As he watched her, he was amazed at how she was
transforming him.  When she finished, he had a slight hook in his nose, a
bad tooth, a wig and some beauty marks that, in combination with other less
obvious changes, made him amazed when he looked into the mirror.

   "I made you look more European," she said, "because Bozo said you and
Ilinka don't want to be recognized.  But you have to remember not to speak.
Bozo likes it when you respond to what you are feeling and make any sounds
you like.  But don't say words, because then they will know you are an
American."

   Galina chatted away while she worked.  She was in America working with
Bozo, she said, mainly to find a rich husband.  Bozo was working her so
hard that she barely had any time to herself.  But she didn't mind.  She
liked Bozo, and he liked her.  She wished he liked her more.  She was
curious about Don.  This was really his first shoot?  Did he know that it
would be a threesome?  She's seen a lot of threesomes at work but would
never want to be in one.  Wasn't he a little scared?  Was he was really
doing this because he wanted to, not for the money?  He seemed so normal
that she would never have expected him to be able to do this.  She could
never understand men and women who seemed completely ordinary here in the
dressing room, and then were willing to do horrible things in front of the
camera.

   All her talk about how brave he was got him a little nervous.  He tried
to act cool about it, but after a while, he decided that he should ask her
some questions about what he would be doing.  Just as he was about to open
his mouth, another woman came in and spoke in their language.

   "They're ready for you, Don," said Galina.  "Good luck.  I think you're
really a nice man, and I hope you will be all right." He saw that she
looked concerned.

   "You're going to go to the set now, but you won't be performing right
away.  There are a couple of scenes to shoot before yours, and Bozo said
you could watch.  I'll see you after you're done and get you looking like
normal again."

   She handed him a robe and a pair of flip-flops and left the room.  The
woman led him to the set and showed him to a chair not far from where Bozo
was sitting.

   There wasn't much talking on the set.  Two women and one man began their
video shortly after Don sat down, and they seemed to know what they were
doing without any instructions.  The man was passive at first while the
women stripped him and went to work on him, one blowing him and the other
burying her face in his ass.  They were wearing tiny bikinis and pulled
them off as they worked.

   Then the man took over, first eating out their vaginas and then moving
them around like puppets and putting them into a variety of positions as he
moved his huge organ from vagina to anus.  The woman whose holes were empty
for the moment tried to find something to do, like pulling the penis out of
the other woman and sucking it, or licking his balls or his asshole or
whichever hole of the other woman he wasn't in, or giving tongue kisses to
the man or woman, or sticking some fingers into whatever hole was free,
both the man's and the woman's.  It ended with the man masturbating over
the women's faces and spreading copious amounts of come over them while
they kissed.

   Don had seen it all before, but having it take place just a few feet
away made him feel almost like part of the action.  He was aroused and
sweating.  A beautiful girl in a robe like his sat down next to him and
offered him a soft drink.  The flavor was fruity but much too sweet, but it
was cold and wet and he drank it down quickly while he was watching the
actors.

   When they were finished with the scene, the actors left, and the crew
moved pillows and cushions around a little on the bed, and then Bozo said
something.  "It's my turn," said Ilinka as she stood up.  Don opened his
mouth and stared.  The voice was his wife's, but this woman who had been
sitting next to him was a stranger.  He looked for anything he could
recognize, but in vain.  He started to stand up, but she pushed him back
down in the chair.

   "No, Don, you're next," she said.

   "What do you mean, Ilinka?" he said.

   "I told you," she said.  "I don't work with my husband.  I love my
husband, and I would do anything for him, but I won't work with him.  Work
is not love.  I promised you I would work one more time, and I promised you
that you would get to make a porn video because you wanted the experience.
But I will never work with my husband.

   "You sit here and watch me.  I think you'll enjoy it, because when I
work, I always do my best.  And Bozo said I am still one of the most
popular actresses on his sites.  Then it's your turn."

   Don slumped in his chair.  This wasn't what he expected.  He didn't want
to watch his beautiful wife have sex with another man.  He had come across
things like this on the Internet.  Some of them were obvious fakes, but
some seemed real.  The man would watch while someone with a huge cock
satisfied his wife.  They were cuckolds, and as disgusting as they were,
Don felt sorry for them.  He often wondered how they could enjoy the
degradation and humiliation.  When he came to one of those sites, he got
nervous and quickly moved on.

   Now here he was about to become a cuckold himself.  This must be what
Ilinka had warned him about.  He felt queasy.  Maybe he should leave.  He
saw the woman he didn't recognize get on the bed.  She was Ilinka, but she
didn't look like Ilinka.  Another woman climbed on the bed next to her, a
tiny actress who seemed to be almost a child except with large natural
looking breasts.

   Don was glued to his chair as the two of them began acting.  Ilinka was
in charge in this plot.  She gave the woman several deep kisses and then
turned to her prominent breasts.  She licked them, she sucked them, she
pulled them until the woman was in pain.  She punched them like punching
bags while laughing cruelly.  He had never heard that laugh before.

   The woman was helpless.  Then, Ilinka moved between her legs and spread
them apart, so Don could see as her tongue began lapping at the smooth,
fatty outer lips of the little woman.  The hair had been shaved off, and as
Ilinka continued to lick lightly, the lips opened and showed the moist red
insides.  Then the moisture started flowing, and as if that was a signal,
Ilinka attacked the opened vagina with fury.  Her tongue moved so fast he
could hardly see it, but he saw the rippling of the excited flesh inside,
and he saw the woman's body begin to push up at Ilinka's mouth as it was
also twisting on the bed.  Loud sounds came from the woman's mouth, and her
chest and face were bright red.

   Don was transfixed.  This was much different than the previous scene. 
This woman, in agony a minute ago when llinka was torturing her breasts,
was having an orgasm, or more than one.  Ilinka was controlling her
completely.  Then Don saw the man.  He had moved into the lights and was
watching the two women.  Don had forgotten that Bozo was shooting
threesomes.  Here was the man who would cuckold him, he thought, but it
didn't make him less aroused as he watched the two women.

   Ilinka was still in charge.  She raised her head and looked at the man
and said something to the woman, who got on her hands and knees.  Ilinka
got under her in a 69 position and began eating her again.  The woman began
working hard on Ilinka, but every once in a while, she was overcome with
what looked like another orgasm and raised her head.  Her face showed her
ecstasy, and Don wondered if she was acting.

   The man got behind the woman and inserted his huge penis and began
pushing in as Ilinka's head moved to concentrate on the woman's clitoris.
The big penis went into the little woman easily, and soon he was pumping it
hard in and out while the two women continued to eat each other.

   Then, Ilinka broke up the arrangement and pushed the man down and got on
top of him and began riding him furiously.  The woman got next to them and
played with Ilinka's breasts, which always looked amazing when she was
excited because they got rosy red.  She may be working, thought Don, but
her breasts show that she's enjoying it.  After a while, Ilinka's movements
got faster and then she was coming.  Don recognized the noises she made,
but he couldn't believe how long they were continuing.  Finally, she
stopped and slumped down for a few seconds.

   But she was up again quickly, and now she was dragging the woman down on
the bed, putting her on her back.  She lifted the woman's legs up and then
directed the man to go between them.  Ilinka lifted the woman's legs over
the man's shoulder as he entered the vagina and began going in and out. 
She said something, and the man pushed closer to the woman and leaned
forward.  This pushed the woman's ass into the air, and as he pounded into
her harder, he slammed her ass into the bedsprings, which bounced it right
back at his tool.

   This was the classic piledriver position that Don loved to watch, and he
noticed that the woman was not enjoying being bounced like a rubber ball
between the man and the bed.  Or was it that Ilinka was once again doing
things to her breasts while the man pounded her?

   Then Ilinka got behind the couple and said something.  The man pulled
out and held his cock up in the air.  Ilinka grabbed it and positioned it
at the woman's asshole, which had opened a little and was leaking liquid.
Lube, thought Don.  Ilinka said something again, and the man began slowly
pushing in.  The woman made little noises, and as the man pushed further,
the noises got louder, and the woman's body began squirming.  How can
someone that small take that huge thing?  Don thought.  Was she really
faking her pain?

   Finally, it was all the way in, and now the man was starting to move
some of it slowly in and out.  As he pulled further out before pushing all
the way in, he also began increasing his pace, and the woman began
screaming louder.  Don caught a glimpse of her face, and it was distorted
in pain.  He saw Ilinka on the other side of her reach over and stroke her
vagina gently, but it didn't stop the screams.

   Now the man was bouncing her as hard as before, but this time it was her
ass being punished, and the woman seemed to be frantic from the pain. 
After a few minutes of this Ilinka said something and the man pulled out
and lay on his back.  Don was shocked to see Ilinka crawl between his legs
and suck his tool in, the tool that had just come out of the other woman's
ass.  She began to slowly work on it, sucking and bobbing.  The other woman
lay next to them shaking and making little noises.

   Ilinka stopped blowing the man and gave a sharp command.  The woman got
behind her and pulled open Ilinka's rear cheeks and held them wide apart.
Ilinka moved on the bed.  She looked over at Don and smiled.  She was doing
something for him, he thought.

   She moved on the bed until Don got a good view of Ilinka's anus that the
woman was displaying by pulling the cheeks apart.  He could also see
Ilinka's face right above the man's huge penis.  Ilinka said something and
the woman slowly moved her face to Ilinka's ass.  He had never seen her ass
like this, and he was amazed at how hairy it was inside her crack, almost
as hairy as her vagina.  That excited him, and he almost jumped when the
woman began licking the hair slowly.  Ilinka said something else, and the
woman began working on her faster and pulling harder at her cheeks.  Then
she went straight into Ilinka's anus with her tongue stuck out and her
mouth open, and Don almost jumped out of his chair.

   As the woman continued eating out Ilinka's ass, Ilinka took the man in
her mouth again.  In minutes, he was groaning and thrusting hard at her. 
Her mouth closed tightly around his penis and she stopped moving her head,
but Don could see she was still sucking and also squeezing his balls.  Don
looked hard but didn't see anything else until he was startled to see her
nose was running.  It was running semen.  The man had come inside her
mouth, and deposited so much come that it was coming out her nose.

   Ilinka slowly pulled her mouth off the man, keeping it tightly shut. 
What is she going to do with all that come, thought Don.  He remembered
that on the cuckold sites, the husband would end up eating the come, and he
shifted uneasily in his chair.

   Ilinka got off the woman and sat next to her.  She lifted the woman's
head and bent down to kiss her.  The woman's eyes were wide.  She knew what
was in Ilinka's mouth.  This must be an act, Don thought, but if it was,
the woman was doing a great job.  She was pushing Ilinka away and talking
to her, as if she was telling her that she hadn't agreed to this.  But
Ilinka was much stronger than her, and she pulled the woman's head next to
hers and held it tightly, then pressed her mouth against the woman's.

   The woman kept her lips tightly shut.  Don saw Ilinka release one of her
hands from the woman's head.  She began stroking the woman's cheeks with
the hand while she was pressing her lips to the woman's.  Then the hand
stroked the woman's forehead and down her nose, and suddenly Ilinka's thumb
and index fingers were pinching the woman's nostrils together.

   The woman's kicked her legs and tried to get free, but Ilinka's larger
body was holding her down.  The woman's eyes were frantic and she tried to
move her head.  She was getting no air.  Ilinka calmly kept their lips
together and waited.

   With a scream, the woman opened her mouth wide and gasped for breath. 
As she did, Ilinka raised her head slightly and opened her mouth.  Don saw
the thick white come pouring out of her into the woman who began choking
and coughing and crying and, then gulping as fast as she could while trying
to breathe.  The semen kept flowing.  The man had shot a huge amount into
Ilinka's mouth, and she had kept most of it there.

   Finally, it was over.  The woman's mouth was framed in semen, and she
also had some coming out of her nose.  She looked nauseous, as if she would
throw up any minute.  As soon as Ilinka released her head, she jumped out
of bed and screamed something at Ilinka and slapped her face.  Then she ran
off the set.  Ilinka gave a loud, lusty version of that scary laugh that
Don had heard earlier, and then Bozo said something, and everything
stopped.

   Ilinka got off the bed and came over to Don.  "How did you like that,
Don?" she said.  "Do you want to kiss me now?" She laughed her normal
Ilinka laugh.

   "No, thank you," he said.  "That was amazing.  What a difference from
the scene before!  I see why you were a star.  Was that really all acting?"

   "Well, the girl knew she was in for anal, but Bozo didn't tell her about
eating out my ass and the come swap.  She's new, and it was her first time
for both.  She decided to cooperate with the ass eating, but it spooked
her, and she didn't want to take the come from me.  It was silly, because
she's eaten lots of come before, just not from a woman's mouth.  But I'm a
professional, so you saw that I was able to handle it.  Bozo will pay her
extra and she'll be surprised and happy."

   "What about you?"

   "Well, I guess you saw that I had several of my bonuses.  But for me it
was just another job.  I told Bozo that I wouldn't be doing any anal or
eating any ass, so he had her do it.  Otherwise, it was business as usual."

   Bozo was saying something while she was talking.  Now he said it louder.

   "We can talk later, Don.  Now it's time for your scene.  Here, take my
hand."

   He had forgotten that he was doing the next scene.  He was suddenly
frightened as she led him to the bed and pushed him gently onto it.  She
leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.  It felt wet.  Did she deposit
some come there?

   As soon as she walked away, another woman walked to the bed slowly.  She
was already naked, too, and she was huge.  I'm 5-9, Don thought.  She must
be at least 6-5.  She had a nice looking face and long hair.  She was also
full figured, with gigantic eggplant breasts that swung as she walked and a
large round globe sticking out behind her that also moved seductively.

   She sat down next to him and began talking.  He didn't understand a word
she was saying.  He turned his head and looked for Ilinka, but he didn't
see her.  He did see Galina sitting in a chair not far away watching him
and the woman.  "What is she saying?" he asked Galina.

   "She's telling you that she knows you won't understand what she's saying
in this scene, so just react however you feel and don't worry about it. 
She'll show you what to do.  The cameras are starting in 10 seconds, so
don't talk anymore."

   "Oh," said Don, and 10 seconds later, he yelled.

   The woman had just slapped his face hard, and now she was pummeling his
chest with her fists and crying.  She was strong, and her fists hurt.  She
slapped him hard again and talked to him angrily, and he felt her reach
down between his legs.  She grabbed his penis and pulled it hard.  Then she
put her huge hands around his balls and squeezed them as he cried out in
pain.  Oh no, thought Don.  Was this going to be one of those torture
videos?

   She continued talking angrily and gave his cock and balls a couple of
hard slaps.  But then suddenly, she was between his legs.  He felt himself
sucked in, and now the pain was forgotten.  She was so good that he thought
for a moment she might be as good as Ilinka, but then he stopped comparing
and just enjoyed the experience of being sucked by a beautiful Amazon in
front of the cameras.

   He felt as though he would come any second, but then she pinched him at
the base of the penis.  He knew this was a technique to hold back the come,
and it didn't hurt much.  Soon she let go, and his urgency was gone.  She
let his penis fall out of her mouth and lay down on the bed next to him. 
Then she pulled him on top of her.  She's throwing me around like I was a
rag, he thought.

   He felt her hands reach down and take his penis, she moved it around
until she found the right spot and then pushed it into her.  Despite her
being so large, her vagina enveloped him in moist warmth.  She either used
a lot of lube, or she was really excited, he thought.  He felt her start to
play with him like Ilinka did.  Her inner muscles grabbed him and squeezed
and let go and then grabbed him again.  It worked like always.  He was
quickly hard again.

   Now she was reaching around behind him and grabbing his cheeks.  She
pulled him into her so deeply that his balls were suddenly hitting her
rear. Then she pushed her huge breasts at him until he bounced off her
chest and his penis almost came out of her.  He was amazed that her breasts
were real.

   He let her pull and push him a few times to experience the sensation,
and then he started doing what he saw she wanted him to do.  He felt like
he could come any moment, but Ilinka had taught him how to hold back.  So
he kept up a steady rhythm and just focused on how wonderful it felt being
inside this strange, beautiful woman.

   As he pushed in and out, she held onto his cheeks.  Now she began
pulling them apart in rhythm with his movements.  He felt air blowing
across his open anus from the air conditioning.  It felt good.  Then he
felt her finger enter him.  It went in smoothly.  She had lubricant on it.
He had to be careful now.  Ilinka had proved to him again and again that
she could make him come almost instantly once she found his prostrate with
her finger.  But this woman didn't seem to be looking for it.  She kept
removing the finger and then putting it in.  His insides started feeling
slimy.  She must be pushing a lot of lube into me, he decided.  Is she
going to put another finger in there?

   The Amazon took her finger out of his ass and grabbed his head with both
hands and pulled it down next to hers, pressing his face into a pillow. 
His body was now flat on top of her, and her huge breasts pushing into him
excited him.  He continued to flop into her by using his pelvis.  She was
holding his head so tightly that his upper body couldn't move.  Then he saw
someone walk up to the bed.

   His head was being held down, so he couldn't make out much, but out of
his peripheral vision, he saw that it was a small figure, even smaller than
the woman that Ilinka had worked with.  He remembered that Bozo was
shooting threesomes today.  He wondered what this little woman would do. 
She was no taller than 5 feet, he guessed.

   The woman holding him released his head and put her hands on his rear
cheeks again started pulling them apart in rhythm with his strokes.  He
raised his head to see what the new woman looked like, and then he began
yelling and struggling.  Standing next to him was a small man smiling and
waving to him.  But he wasn't waving his hand.  He was waving the longest,
thickest penis Don had ever seen in person.  It looked bigger than the
penis of John Holmes.  How could it be attached to that small figure?  The
guy was wiry and well built, but even his bulging muscles looked small
compared to the penis.  The thing was sticking straight out of him and
looked almost as big as the man.

   Don kept yelling for the woman to let him go.  He stopped pumping into
her, but she held him tightly against her by his butt cheeks, which she was
pulling wide apart.  He continued to struggle in vain, as he saw the little
man climb onto the bed behind him.  Then he felt something pushing between
his cheeks as she held them open.  He tried to tighten his anus, but the
huge thing entered him, and his scream rose an octave from the pain.

   The little man pushed slowly into him, stopping every few seconds, and
every inch was agony for Don.  Finally, the man was all the way inside. 
The woman let go of Don's cheeks and brought her hands to his head.  She
pulled it to her face, and then it was suddenly quiet, as her mouth covered
his and muffled his voice.  When Don saw it was useless, he stopped
screaming.  Her tongue explored his mouth as the man began moving inside
him.  At first it was small movements, but gradually the man pulled out
further before pushing all the way back.  As the length of the strokes
increased, so did the speed.  The woman pulled her mouth off Don and he
tried to scream again, but he was out of breath.  All he could do was grunt
and grimace and pant.  The pain was overwhelming.

   He noticed that his own penis was still hard inside of her, because she
was squirming under him, trying to get free of it.  Finally, she got it out
and slid out from under him and kneeled next to him.  Her strong hands
lifted him up into the doggy position as the little man continued to pound
him.  The man's entire length was now in play, and sometimes he ripped his
tool free causing a huge burst of even stronger pain before thrusting it
back in.

   After a few minutes, the man spoke to the woman.  From the tone in her
reply, Don could tell she was questioning what he said.  The man repeated
his words as a command, and she got off the bed.  The man stopped thrusting
and raised up off Don a little, with his tool halfway out.  Don felt the
woman grab his legs and start pulling him.  She was pulling him across the
bed on his stomach, and the little man was moving with him.  She pulled his
legs off the bed until his rear was at the edge of the mattress and then
stopped.

   He felt the man resume thrusting, and as he did, the man put his arms
under Don and pushed them around his stomach until the hands met.  For a
small man, he had long arms.  The man pulled himself tight against Don
while his pelvis continued to thrust.  Don was so breathless from the pain
that he couldn't react.  He just continued to pant and grunt.

   Now Don felt another pair of hands going around him.  It was the Amazon,
and she had leaned over both men and put her long arms around his chest,
which was pressed into the bed.  She began leaning back and using her
weight to pry him off the bed.  Slowly she lifted him up.  The little man
stopped thrusting and just held him tight.  As Don was pulled of the bed,
the man wrapped his legs around Don's thighs and held him even tighter.

   The woman pulled Don all the way to a standing position, and then
quickly released him, moved around him to face him and wrapped her arms
around his back.  As she did this the little man went to work again with
his hands and his feet clinging to Don as if Don were a tree that he was
climbing.  Nothing was moving except the man's pelvis, which was slamming
his huge tool all the way in and pulling it most of the way out.  He was
making a strange noise that didn't sound human.  Don had heard that sound
before, but he couldn't place it.  The pain was so strong that he was
having trouble thinking.

   The sound got louder and faster as the man picked up his speed.  Then
Don realized what it was.  He was making the sounds of a mating monkey. 
While the woman held Don from the front so he was standing straight up, the
little man behind him was clinging to him and pounding his penis into Don
as if he were a monkey in heat mating in front of some visitors to the zoo.
Don felt shame wash over him.  What a spectacle he was, helpless to resist
this tiny clinging monkey turning his guts to mush.  There couldn't be
anything more humiliating than that.

   As if he read Don's thoughts, the man said something to the woman.  She
let go of Don carefully as if she was worried that he might fall over.  But
he stood there with the monkey screaming in heat and clinging to him while
ravaging his anus.  She kneeled down and slowly pulled on one of his legs.
She kept pulling until she moved it a little further from the other leg. 
She stopped for a few seconds and then pulled again.  Gradually, she pulled
his legs wider apart as the man continued his monkey act and Don continued
grunting and panting.

   Then Don felt something between his legs, and he looked down.  Almost
hidden below his penis, which was still hard and sticking straight out in
front of him, a woman in shorts and a T-shirt was lying on her back
underneath him.  She was aiming a camera with a strong light up at his
crotch.  He knew what she was filming.  He had seen such close-ups often.
They were ugly, and they were fascinating.  And now he was like one of
those women squirming as they were invaded by a monster penis.

   After the camerawoman had finished and moved off, the little man said
something again, and the woman took hold of one of Don's hands.  She took a
step forward and began pulling at his hand.  She didn't stop pulling until
he took a step.  Then she took another step and pulled again, harder this
time.  He took another step, and she took one as he did.  When he stopped,
she said something to him and then slapped him and pulled again.  It took
one more slap until Don started walking around the room with her, hand in
hand.  All during the steps and the slapping, the monkey man didn't stop
ravaging him or making his loud noises.

   As they began walking, Don decided to try to shake him off, so he thrust
his hips hard from side to side and forward to back, as if he was a bucking
bronco.  While he was doing this, his aroused penis was flapping wildly in
all directions.  But the little man held tight and never stopped thrusting.
He said something to the woman, and the woman got in front of Don and
pantomimed the bucking bronco moves he had just done and then turned her
right hand in a circle.  She wanted him to do it again.  He stood there. 
She slapped him.  He began trying to shake the little man loose again.  She
took his hand and began walking around the room with him again.  Whenever
he would stop his side to side and up and back movements, she should stop
and turn her hand in a circle and wait.  If he took too long, she would
slap him.

   While they were walking, he saw the crew staring at him and the little
man and the big woman.  Their mouths were open.  Even Bozo seemed
astonished.  Galina was next to him with a startled expression on her face.
Don tried to gather his strength.  As they neared Galina, he pulled in her
direction and gasped out a few words.  "Please help me, Galina," he said.
"I didn't agree to do this.  You understand me." The Amazon pulled him away
before he could say more.  He saw Galina gasp and look across the room. 
Don tried to follow her gaze, and then he saw she was looking at Ilinka,
off in a corner, also open mouthed.  Ilinka began shaking her head at
Galina.  Don looked back at Galina, who opened her palms to show him she
couldn't do anything.

   After a couple of circles around the room, the woman led Don back to the
bed, and the little man pulled out as she lay Don on his back.  He was so
exhausted that he could only whimper when the man jumped back on top of him
and started thrusting again.  This time the man's body was on top of Don's
penis which was still rock hard and now pushed up against his stomach.

   The woman kneeled behind Don's head and leaned over him.  Her long arms
reached down his body until she was able to grasp his ankles.  She began to
pull them back slowly, and as she did, she pulled both Don's rear and the
man pounding it up into the air.  When the man's feet left the ground, he
no longer was able to thrust until he again wrapped his arms around Don for
leverage.

   With a sudden agonizing series of quick hard slams into Don's body, the
little man came, and Don felt hot liquid filling his insides.  After a few
smaller thrusts, the man ripped his tool out of Don, who could only squeal
softly at the burst of pain.  The man moved quickly behind him to where the
woman was kneeling.

   She handed Don's ankles to him and moved to Don's side.  She reached
quickly for his anus, which was still gaping wide open from the man's quick
exit, and he felt her fingers inside of him.  He couldn't tell how many,
but he thought it must have been four, because they stretched him even
wider than the man.  He felt her fingers moving inside him, and then the
fingers were quickly pulled out.

   She moved her body back toward his head a little.  He saw one of her
hands held dramatically in the air, and she slowly lowered it until it was
right below his eyes.  Her fingers were curled, and when he saw what was
inside her palm, he nearly gagged.  With a huge effort, he slid away from
the hand.  She didn't try to stop him, but her hand moved with him.

   He was so upset that he found his voice.  It sounded strange and
distorted as he repeated over and over, "No.  Dirty.  No.  Dirty." The
woman had scooped some of the little man's come from Don's anus and wanted
to feed it to him.  That was bad enough, but Don also saw the come wasn't
all white.  He was more frightened than he had ever been in his life.

   As he kept sliding away, he finally hit the headboard, and he couldn't
go any further.  His cries of "No.  Dirty" became more desperate.  He
waited for the woman to slap him.  He didn't care how much she slapped him
or smothered him.  They would have to make make him unconscious to get him
to eat that.

   He heard a loud voice from somewhere in the room.  It was Ilinka, and
she sounded as if she were choking.  Whatever she said, it made the Amazon
stop and look around.  Her hand with the stuff from inside Don was in front
of his face, but she was waiting for something.  Then Bozo's voice repeated
what sounded like the same thing Ilinka had said and the woman looked down
at Don and brought her hand right to his lips slowly, before pulling it
away and laughing.

   Don sighed, but his relief didn't last long, because her filthy hand
returned to where she had scooped the fluids.  His rear was still high in
the air as she stuck four fingers inside him and pushed the foul stuff back
inside.  Then she began moving her fingers slowly in and out of him.  There
was no sound in the room now except his pained grunts and panting and the
ugly, squishy sound of her fingers moving in and out.

   Because his rear was pulled back close to his head, he could see
everything she was doing.  He saw her tuck her thumb between the four
fingers and start pushing all five into him.  Then she stopped moving them
in and out and kept them in.  They had disappeared up to her second
knuckle.

   Now he felt a little pressure between his cheeks.  It wasn't hard but it
didn't stop, and the longer it went on, the worse it felt.  His body
squirmed as it tried to adjust and relieve the pressure, but there was no
relief.  Then he felt a huge stab of pain and saw the woman's large fist go
into him up past her wrist.

   She paused for a minute, but then the pressure started again.  Now her
arm moved slowly but smoothly deeper as the mixture of liquids inside of
him squeezed out around it.  He couldn't believe it when her elbow
disappeared.  Finally, she stopped before her bicep went in.  She looked at
his face and smiled, and then her face disappeared.

   In a second, he knew why, because her mouth closed around his tool,
which was standing straight up in the air.  Her head began bobbing up and
down on it as she sucked hard.  He felt her arm moving inside him.  It was
held so tight that it couldn't move much, but it still managed to keep the
pain going.

   He was amazed that all the pain couldn't stop the urgency he felt.  He
groaned loadly as he exploded into her mouth.  She kept sucking until he
finished and even afterward.  He felt like she was sucking his life out of
his body.

   Finally she lifted her head up.  She was smiling, but her lips were
pursed firmly together.  The arm buried inside him stopped moving.  With
her other hand, she pointed at her puffed cheeks and then at his mouth.  He
knew what she wanted, but as exhausted as he was, he shook his head.

   He waited for her hand to pinch his nose, like Ilinka had done to that
poor girl, but instead the Amazon made a circle with her index finger and
thumb and put it by his mouth.  Yes, he knew what she wanted, but he shook
his head again.

   Then the woman stuck out her index finger and waved it left and right in
front of his eyes before taking it away and twisting her body around.  Don
felt something by his anus again.  Something was being pushed in and out
next to the woman's arm.

   The woman turned back to face him and waved her index finger back and
forth again.  This time it was covered with slime.  Again she made a circle
with two fingers and put it by Don's mouth.  Again he shook his head.  Now
she waved two fingers back and forth and twisted around again.

   Don felt the two fingers go in.  The arm wasn't moving now, so it wasn't
causing any pan, just discomfort.  But the moving fingers were whipping up
the pain again.  The woman turned around and waived two greasy fingers in
front of his eyes and made another circle.  Don wondered how long she could
keep this up before she had to spit out what was in her mouth.  Would she
spit it all over his face?

   He didn't shake his head this time, but he also didn't open his mouth,
at least not fast enough for her.  She held up three fingers and twisted
around.  He cried out as three fingers began squeezing in next to her arm.
Would she eventually push a second arm up him?  he thought.

   He didn't wait to find out.  When she turned back to him, he opened his
mouth slightly.  She opened the circle her two fingers made and held the
fingers in front of his eyes.  She wanted him to open wider.  He opened a
little more.  She started to twist around to his anus again, but looked
back at him.  He quickly opened as wide as he could.

   She turned back and opened up her fingers again.  He strained as hard as
he could to get his mouth to open wider before she stuck four more fingers
in him.  His face muscles hurt as he concentrated.  He was concentrating so
hard, that he didn't see her move her head to his and put her mouth about
six inches above his and then open it.

   He didn't see the huge gob of white slimy fluid as it fell from her
mouth until a split second before it entered his stretched-open mouth, and
then he was coughing and choking and swallowing and shrieking.  The thick
white stream of his come continued to pour out of her as his lips opened
and shut while he choked and swallowed.  Some more went in his mouth, some
up his nose and much of it coated his face and went into his hair.  His
eyes were burning as the semen went into them, and then it covered his lids
after he shut them.

   For five minutes, he continued to gag, cough, swallow and whimper.  He
felt the woman carefully pulling her arm out of him.  She tried to contract
her hand and make it as small as she could when she pulled it out, but
there was still a sharp stab of pain as it broke free.  She and the man got
up from the bed.  He was all alone now, and the only sounds he heard were
himself as he dealt with the pain between his legs and the burning white
lava in his eyes, nose and throat.  At last, all was quiet except for him
breathing heavily, and then he collapsed onto the bed.

   The Amazon woman came and roused him.  He had no idea how long he had
been unconscious, but Ilinka told him later it was less than a minute,
because Bozo had to clear the set for the next video.  The woman helped him
to his feet, but he was wobbly and every movement of his legs resulted in
shooting pains inside his anus.  She almost carried him to the dressing
room and gently placed him in the chair and left.

   He couldn't move and just lay there.  It seemed like forever before
Galina came in.  He couldn't speak, but he looked at her and saw her eyes
were red and moist.  She turned her face from his gaze.  "Please don't hate
me, Don," she said as she got busy cleaning him and removing all the
prosthetics and makeup that had turned him into an East European porn
actor.

   "Ilinka told us that you were eager to play the role and that you wanted
to be dramatic while you were being abused, including yelling and
screaming. The plot Bozo made up for you was the cheating husband who was
discovered by his wife, and she was taking out her revenge on you. 
Everyone else, even Bozo, thought you were just overacting.  I was sad that
you enjoyed being degraded like that, but I've seen many strange things.

   "When you spoke to me, I realized that Ilinka had lied to us.  But when
I looked at her, she signaled that I shouldn't interfere.  I'm sorry that I
am so weak and didn't say anything.  Usually, when something like this
happens, it's all forgotten when Bozo comes to the dressing room and gives
the actress or the actor a big bonus.  But I know it's different with you.
You're not in this industry, and you must stay far away.  I hope some day
you can forgive me."

   She kept talking as she worked.  "Don't worry that you spoke English
while you were yelling and screaming, Don," she said.  "The video editor
will find a way to distort your voice so no one knows what language you're
speaking.

   "I don't understand why Ilinka did this to you," she said.  "Please tell
her that if she no longer wants you, I am interested in you.  Are you rich?
It doesn't matter.  I know you're a good man, and I am attracted to you.  I
will do everything you want me to if you marry me.  You know where to find
me.

   "I don't think I can wait much longer for Bozo.  I know he has feelings
for me, but after today, that's not going to be enough.  I need to leave
this world, too, and be with a man who isn't involved in such things.  When
I was little, I went to church with my aunt a few times.  I remember
feeling so peaceful and happy in church.  Do you go to church?  Can you
tell me of a nice church near here?  I know I won't understand a word, but
I think I will be happy just sitting there and listening to the singing and
knowing I'm with people who are not like the people in the studio."

   When she was finished, she asked him if he could get up.  He could, with
a lot of pain, but he wouldn't let her call anyone.  She helped him put his
clothes back on and took his hand and slowly led him down the hall.  When
he saw Ilinka, he felt rage well up.  Everything went out of his mind
except how much he wanted to hurt her.

   Ilinka thanked Galina and took his hand.  She tried to support him, but
he recoiled from her touch, so she just led him slowly to their car.  At
home, she drew a hot bath for him and let him hold onto her until he slowly
got into the tub.  He slid under the water, and when he came up, she washed
his face and then washed it again.  As she began a third time, he stopped
her.  She was rubbing so hard it hurt.  He looked at her and saw that her
eyes were moist, but she didn't say anything.  He was happy she didn't. 
What could she say?



   Most of the day Sunday was spent in bed.  The children were spending the
weekend with his parents, and when they came home Sunday night, Ilinka
explained that their father wasn't feeling well.  He went back to work
hobbling in pain on Monday and hardly moved from behind his desk.  It was
the same Tuesday, but by Wednesday, the pain was more intermittent, and he
could deal with it better.

   He kept feeling it for a few more weeks, but eventually, he realized
that most of what he was feeling was in his mind.  Ilinka and he pretended
for the kids that nothing was unusual, except that he had some aches and
pains.  He wondered if they saw through their cold politeness.  In bed,
they slept with their backs to each other.  Looking at her sometimes
brought on strong feelings of contempt and hatred.  He felt he needed to
get more rational before he talked to her about a divorce.  He wondered if
he could ever forgive her.

   About four weeks after their video session, she walked into their
bedroom soaking wet and asked him to get her a towel.  She had forgotten to
take one before her shower.  He got up silently and went to the closet. 
When he handed it to her, she was looking down at him, and he realized that
he was pushing his boxer shorts in front of him with a huge erection.  He
turned quickly away.

   Then he realized that in the last week, he had seen a lot more of her
body than usual.  He was always catching her half-dressed, especially with
her beautiful breasts uncovered.  It seemed like years since he had touched
those breasts.

   What was she doing?  Was she trying to seduce him into forgetting. 
Never!  Or maybe she was just testing to see if he had any more desire for
her.

   He realized that his genitals had an agenda of their own, but if he gave
in, it would make it even harder to leave.  It was time to talk to her.  He
asked her to find out if his parents could take the kids again that
weekend. When she said she would take care of it, he heard excitement in
her voice.  This is what she was waiting for, he thought.  Would she be as
excited on Saturday morning after he told her how he felt?

   Saturday, they ate breakfast in silence, and then she poured them each a
second cup of coffee and sat down across from him at the kitchen table. 
Why am I thinking how good her coffee is?  he thought.  I need to focus. 
The first person who talks loses.

   Almost as if she had read his mind, she said, "Don, I know the first
person who talks loses, so I lose.  Before we married, I promised you the
truth, so tell me what you want to hear and I'll talk as long as you want?"

   "You lied about making the video," he said, frightened by the bitter,
angry sound of his voice.

   "I lied because I didn't tell you what you would be doing, is that what
you're saying, Don?  That's not lying.  Did I lie when I warned you again
and again that the medicine would be bitter and you would hate it?  I want
an answer, Don?  Did I lie about that?

   "No, you didn't, Ilinka, but --"

   "No buts, Don.  Did I lie when I told you I was worried about our
marriage?  I want an answer."

   "No, but that's not what I'm talking about.  You said we would make a
video.  You didn't make a video with me."

   "Did I tell you many times that work is work and love is love, Don?  Did
I tell you I would never work with you?  Answer me, Don."

   "Yes, you told me, but--"

   "Stop with the buts, Don.  Did you get to spend the day at a porn studio
and watch how they operated?  Did you get to watch me working?  Were you so
close to me that you were almost in the action?  Did you see why I was a
big star while I was working?  Did you get first-hand experience of what it
was like to be a porn actor?  Answer me, Don?

   "That's not the point.  How could you let them do that to me?"

   "Look at me, Don?  Are these fake tears?  Am I lying when I tell you
that work was not fun for me.  It was work.  Am I lying when I tell you
that several times every week, much worse was done to me than what happened
to you.  Am I lying when I tell you that I spent a year enduring what you
experienced for less than half an hour?  Do you believe me, Don?  Answer
me."

   "Ilinka, I'm so sorry --"

   "Don't feel sorry for me, Don, and don't start crying now.  I told you
before that I was a professional, and I always will be, even if I never
make another video.  I told you the only way I ever would is if you or the
children were starving, but you made me do it anyway.  You experienced my
world, but you're an amateur.  If you had been a professional, I would have
never married you.

   "Now that I've talked, because I'm the loser, I want the winner to talk.
I only have a few questions for you, Don, and then I think we're finished
here.

   "One, are you interested in ever going back to Bozo's studio and making
another video?  Just say yes or no."

   "No."

   "Do you want to divorce me?"

   He saw her holding her breath.  He wanted to say something, but his mind
was still stuck on when she told him she had worse things done to her than
had been done to him, and they were done to her several times a week for a
whole year.  All he wanted to do was go over to her and hold her and tell
her how sorry he was, even though he knew she would be angry if he did.

   "Don," she said loudly, breaking his train of thought.

   "Yes?"

   He saw tears streaming down her face.  "Don," she said.  "I asked you if
you want a divorce.  Is that your answer?"

   "No, no, Ilinka, of course not," he said.  "I was just thinking about
what you went through for that year, and I can't tell you how much -

   "Don, I told you I don't want to hear that anymore," she said. 
"Everything I have -- you, the children.  If I had not worked for Bozo that
year, I wouldn't be here.  What I have now is so precious that I have no
regrets about what I did to earn it.  Don't say anything, Don.  I have one
last question."

   "Can you promise -- and really keep your promise this time -- to drop
the whole porn industry subject and never ask me about it again?"

   Don looked at her and smiled?  "I'm going to be honest, too, Ilinka," he
said.  "I may ask you a few questions about what happened that day at the
studio.  And now that I know a lot more about what goes on, I'm sure that
when I see articles about the industry, I will read them.  But if anything
I say begins to irritate you, I want you to tell me to shut up, and I will.
That's my promise."

   Ilinka laughed.  "I see that even strong medicine didn't cure you
completely, you fool," she said.  "But I'll take your miserable promise. 
And I promise no more medicine, just sweet love.  There's the phone.  Are
we finished?  Should I get it?  I wonder who's calling so early on a
Saturday morning.  I hope the kids are all right."

   She answered the phone, and Don heard her saying, "No!" and then
laughing.  She had a long, animated conversation in her language.  When Don
started to get up, she motioned for him to stay.  He sipped his coffee as
he watched her.  When the person on the other end was talking, she turned
to him and smiled several times.

   After she hung up, she sat down across from him again.  "I'm sure you
want to hear all about this, Don, since you just said you are still
interested in the industry," she said.  "That was Galina."

   "Galina told me that if you were tired of me, she'd be glad to take me,"
he said.

   "I know," said Ilinka.  "We had a talk after your performance, before
she went to you.  Just now she told me that you are an international
superstar."

   "What?"

   "That Bozo is a genius," said Ilinka.  "He told me the monkey man used
to be a champion gymnast, but his huge thing got in the way of him getting
to the level of the Olympic athletes.  When Bozo saw the video the man made
with his wife, he was amazed.  Bozo told me some of the things they did
were physically impossible, and he thought they used computer programs to
fake them.  She's not interested in working, but the monkey man said he
could train some of Bozo's more athletic contract players.  The big girl
who worked with you wants to be the first girl to work with the man.

   "When I lied to Bozo and told him you were big on pain and humiliation,
he remembered the monkey man and thought that even though the man was
straight, it would make your degradation more exciting if a little man was
doing it to my big man.  He was right, because everyone in the room had
never seen anything like it, and we were all turned on.

   "When Bozo edited the video, he knew he had something special, so he put
together a highlight clip and offered a degraded version to all the porn
ripoff sites.  They were eager to get it without worrying about getting
sued, and they all posted it right away.  At the end, there's a crawler
that says the full high-definition video can be seen on one of Bozo's
websites.

   "The site went down five times yesterday because so many people went
there, and he sold over $10,000 worth of memberships in the first 24 hours.
He says the monkey man is going to be a big star, because he has a great
imagination.  He thought of those monkey sounds on the spur of the moment
while he was working with you.  Bozo told Galina to tell me that if he
could get me to come back and work with the monkey man, we'd all make
millions and could retire in six months.  Galina said Bozo was kidding, but
I'm not so sure.

   "She thanked me for telling Bozo that he better make his move soon if he
wanted to keep her.  She used to work with me, but she was one of the girls
who thought too much, and she learned makeup and costuming so she could
stop working in front of the cameras.  She adores Bozo, and I think he
loves her, too, even though he's like I was and says he doesn't really
believe in love.  But she said that he came to her the day after we were
there and told her he didn't want to lose her, and if she would just give
him a little more time in America, they could go home and have enough money
for the rest of their lives and for him to try his hand at other kinds of
films.

   "She didn't know if he was serious, but she said that when he told her
about the monkey man phenomenon, he said he was sure he would be ready to
leave the industry with her in a few months.  She also said to tell you
thanks for telling her about that church.  She walks over there whenever
she has a break, and she's already made friends, including a nice girl her
age who wants to introduce her to some nice men.  I told her she shouldn't
ask her friend if they are rich.  She said she already knew that, and she
was waiting for a while to see if Bozo was still serious about what he
said. He told her he would think about going to the church with her one
day. I think that's it.  Are you enjoying my industry gossip?  I don't
think there will be much more of it unless you want to join that church."

   "I know you're kidding, Ilinka, but my parents go to church," he said.
"And they've taken the kids.  You better not go, because I don't think you
could take the sermons, especially the ones where preacher says we
shouldn't be so materialistic.

   "Don't be so sure I wouldn't go to church -- at least once," she said.
"Maybe I'd even like it.  After all, you keep telling me your whore has a
heart of gold." She went over to him, sat on his lap and began kissing him
all over his face.

   A week and a half later, after dinner, he told the children to stay
where they were while he got something.  It was a surprise present for
Mommy.  They sat in excitement while she opened it, but they were confused
when she burst into tears.  After all it was such a beautiful necklace,
with a really big shiny pendant.

   Occasionally one of her friends asks her if that huge thing she always
wears is solid.  She knows they are trying to tell her it's too
ostentatious and they don't understand how she can wear it when she is so
fashion conscious.

   "Yes," she says with a smile, "it's a solid 18-karat heart of gold, and
it weighs a ton.  But when Don found out I liked Neil Young's song as much
as he did, he got it for me, and I just have to wear it for him all the
time." 

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