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From: Carol Cobillard <cobillard@hotmail.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} Save your vagina for Jesus: Coming out for Him at puberty
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Save your vagina for Jesus: Coming out for Him at puberty

A few years ago, when Mom became ill and disabled and couldn't
have sex anymore, she asked me if I regretted having lost my
virginity "in that accident" before I was 12, and if my
"evangelical fixation" with penis and semen for Jesus had caused
me harm. There was at the time (and there still is) a great deal
of public anxiety over child sex abuse, something that the public
was in denial over before the late 1990s, and even today treats
lightly when the justification is religion. Like most of the
crowd I grew up with, I've grown out of "sex-as-religion" and not
just because Mom's Friend's House closed down or such lifestyles
have become more risky in America. Like escapees from
Fundamentalist Mormon plural marriage involved with the
organization Tapestry Against Polygamy and like the sponsors of
xfamily.org and similar anti-Children of God projects, we've
moved on. But, for most of us, it's not in opposition to the
theological principles Mom's Friend advanced but rather to a
choice of lifestyle and, dare I say, economic advantage and
political accommodation.

Mainstream society has actually moved closer to our lifestyle:
average age of first sex is said to be 15; oral sex among kids at
bar mitzvahs (that would be 13) is said to be so common as to be
unremarkable. If some kids are disturbed by Internet pornography,
others are enticed by it and gather together in groups to try sex
out. Mom's Friend's Rules at least made sex safe and gave it a
purpose other than self-absorbed pleasure.
http://www.scribd.com/doc/20600564/Mom-s-Friend-s-Rules

Religion is simply less important in mainstream American life
than it used to be, even in the South. It's true that some
people, even in New York City, find sex before marriage an
abomination. http://nyti.ms/NQImaI But by and large the rest of
us have sex, even as young teens, but don't make it the central
focus of our public existence.

I've written a lot on the subject over the past decade; here's an
essay based on some entries in my diary around 1996:

"M-Girl" came to Mom's Friend's House when she was 9 or maybe 10
years old. Her mom, like most of those at the House, had a
Children of God background and she was comfortable with the
association between Jesus and sex, but concerned by the
reputation at the CoG of child sex abuse even though she'd never
experienced or seen any there. At Mom's Friend's House, a
sexually-oriented Christian commune, she and her daughter would
feel "safe": the Same-Age Rule and the rule about only having sex
with family or friends nearby protected them. As did the absolute
rule on "full consent". For mothers and daughters (and sons too)
who believe that there is an obligation to have free and frequent
sex with many partners right from puberty the common nudity and
the open sex were seen as positive evidence of faith.

Whereas in mainstream society girls are taught to keep their legs
together when seated, Mom's Friend insisted otherwise, especially
when a girl was nude. "Let boys see your cute pussy!"--a word I
never heard her use in any other context. And boys too were
admonished to sit forward in a chair and "Show off your sex
parts; take your hand away, don't hide your erection: your
circumcised penis is lovely and girls want to see it!" But there
was a conflicting message too from Mom's Friend: she wanted a boy
to be "humble with your penis". He was not God's gift to girldom
but rather an instrument for evangelizing, his pleasure at
putting his penis into a willing girl's vagina, and his eventual
orgasms, his reward for being part of the sacrament. Which had to
include, every time, kissing that vagina and using his tongue to
bring the girl to orgasm if she wanted. For as we know, few girls
reach orgasm solely from the action of a penis in her vagina and
yet she must have that orgasm if at all possible because that's
what brings her to Jesus and makes her want to swallow Jesus's
DNA in semen. If she didn't feel this way, and of course some
girls did not, it would be inappropriate for her to stay at Mom's
Friend's House. As David Berg repeatedly said, "We have a sexy
God and a sexy religion with a very sexy leader with an extremely
sexy young following. So if you don't like sex, you better get
out while you can." That much of Father David's teaching Mom's
Friend had accepted. http://bit.ly/beLADO

As soon as a boy or a girl shows signs of pubic hair the talk
would be of growing up and coming out, even if the actual event
would be a year away. If there was ever secret prepubescent sex
we didn't know about it although once in a while after a girl's
coming out party when there was no sign of blood when the penis
deflowered her, one or another girl would whisper that it really
wasn't her first time at all. Should anyone have cared, really?
Whether the semen leaking out of her vagina was white or pink it
was still the DNA of Jesus and her vagina very much deserved to
be kissed. Who ever asked if a boy's "first" ejaculation into a
girl was really his first penis fun? For all his Mom knew she was
watching him come out, seeing his penis in the mouth of a
Christian, evangelical girl teaching him what Jesus was all
about.

Boys and girls would grow up seeing their mothers (or in a few
case fathers, although very few men other than Terrific Girl's
dad lived or stayed regularly at the House) making love. With a
belief that semen was Host of Holy Communion, mothers wanted
their sons and daughters to see ejaculation, to see semen in
mouth and in vagina, to see a penis making love. By the time a
girl reached 13 some of her friends would already have "come out"
and be having regular sex. She would probably already be feeling
wanted by boys, with boys staring at her boobs and her pubic
hair, and flirting.

At a certain point she, her friends, her mom and Mom's Friend
would know that it was time to schedule a coming out party and
for her to begin oral or injectable contraceptives. But there
were other requirements too. Girls who weren't resident at Mom's
Friend's House needed to take her weekend course in "sex ed" at
which Mom's Friend's Rules, including oral sex as foreplay, "stay
with the partner that brung you" for 24 hours, the Same-Age Rule
for partners, and the notion of orgasm as gift of Jesus and semen
as Host of Holy Communion were lectured. And there would be a
medical exam: one of the doctors (men and women doctors) who were
"friends of Mom's Friend" would examine the girl and declare that
she was "penis-ready". (The rule for boys was less strict: if
they had pubic hair and could manage a nice erection, size didn't
matter so much: read on. This was true also at the Children of
God as the document linked above makes clear as to boys prior to
their spermarche.)

Girls eager to come out, typically 13 years old, could be seen
hanging around in groups in the area near the pool and the
downstairs recreation room where sex was common currency,
watching penises out of the corner of their eyes. Or maybe being
up close when a friend had oral sex and swallowed semen. Girls at
Mom's Friend's House were not shy, did not have false modesty and
did not see chastity as a virtue and the hymen was a barrier to
be rid of so we could follow God's law and be rewarded with
orgasms. Boys feeling their first hormones would play peeping
Tom, except that the couple they were watching would be just as
likely as not to call them over to watch more closely.

Once a coming-out was decided on it was just a matter of working
out the details of a party and deciding who would be there as
witnesses. Normally male relatives aren't allowed, but M-Girl had
a 12-year-old brother who wouldn't take no for an answer, and
when it developed that his best friend, just shy of 13 years old,
would be the boy who would deflower his sister it became
impossible to refuse. We would learn later why Mom's Friend so
discouraged male relatives of the main girl from attending, and
likewise why she kept fathers away from our nude dance parties.

Although coming-out events were made to seem impromptu there was
really much planning. It was always the same minuet danced to the
same tune, but no less endearing for that. You would see a young
adolescent girl sitting at the end of a bed, shy but not shy,
apprehensive for sure. And her mom and her best friends trying to
calm her and get her ready. She's nude, leaning back on some
pillows, her still-growing breasts revealing her excitement in
their movement. Her legs apart, pubic hair unshaven the way Mom's
Friend insists, her vulva oh-so-cute and promising. She is
freshly bathed and has no makeup and no scent except her own: she
is perfect: she is waiting for Jesus, for a penis that will bring
her the taste of Jesus, and Jesus's spirit and blessing.

The boy arrives, escorted by his mom. They stop at the door, his
mom helps him take down his underpants. (He hardly would need
help in most cases, but I do remember an instance where a boy's
briefs got caught up in his erect penis and he got flustered
until his Mom unhooked them and the stiff penis sprang out,
somewhat to the boy's embarrassment--mainly, I suppose, because
his Mom had to touch it.) We see the penis and it is gorgeous.
Probably a 13-year-old, or maybe a 14-year-old, big-small penis,
nice scrotum with adorable testicles, nice pubic hair.

Now the boy is excited, his penis is excited--it points towards
the girl and with a slight push by his mom he walks over to her.
And he presents her with his penis to play with. She fondles it
and it is stiff and she wonders about its bigness and if there is
perhaps a drop of seminal fluid leaking out she might play with
that, collect it on the tip of her finger and put it to her mouth
the way she's see her Mom or her older sister or her friends do.
A lovely touch, always followed by a shy smile.

"Put the penis in your mouth, Dear", her Mom says. And she takes
the penis with both hands and puts its head tentatively in her
mouth. Within a minute she becomes an expert in oral sex because
she's watched others do it. She's seen me, or she's seen Terrific
Girl: eschewing "deep throat" we put just the top third of the
penis in our mouth. And we keep our eyes focused on the boy's
face. And often we take the penis out of our mouth and kiss
it--lick its big head and then kiss its sensitive underneath. And
then back into mouth. A penis is a girl's best friend: she knows
Jesus wants her to do this, wants her to share orgasm with this
boy. But the semen must go into her vagina this time. Next time
maybe, she'll let the boy ejaculate into her mouth, even give him
free rein to move his penis himself, sliding it in and out,
moving his hips back and forth.

There is no sight lovelier than such a girl with a penis in her
mouth. She is in full control. She is the quintessential
feminist. In future days, weeks, months, years when she makes
penises ejaculate into her mouth and swallows semen it will never
be demeaning to her or to girlhood or womankind: it will be for
love of Jesus.

If the boy doesn't take the initiative, and if the girl forgets
to ask, her Mom will give the signal: "Son, take your penis out
of M-Girl's mouth now. Start kissing her vagina; it's time for
her orgasm. We don't want you to come too soon."

The boy will drop to his knees. With M-Girl I took one leg and
young Terrific Girl, the same age as M-Girl, took the other leg
and we lifted them back and up. Her vagina was exposed, outlined
by her pubic hair. The boy put his face to it and kissed is
lightly. His tongue was inside the vagina, then his mouth gently
sucked in all the soft parts; then he licked her clitoris
nonstop. His Mom told him to slow down and to keep his eyes open
and to look at his girl in her eyes from time to time. And he did
all this for half an hour.

Not everybody was nude, but Terrific Girl and I were. The brother
was not. None of the adults were nude. One of M-Girl's friends
had brought a boy with her; at a certain point--about the time
when M-Girl's boy put his tongue to her vagina--he slid off his T
shirt and his pants. His hand was on his penis, his penis was
getting erect. Terrific Girl didn't notice, or if she did she
ignored it; but I saw. One mustn't draw attention away from the
main girl: if you've reached an uncontrollable state or arousal
at least be discreet.

I could see that M-Girl's brother was in distress too. He was
rubbing his penis through his clothing, and knowing boys as I do
I sensed he felt it was wrong to feel arousal at the sight of his
sister having sex.

But then the tension got even greater: M-Girl began to sigh
heavily, and her Mom told the boy: "Orgasm is coming; it's penis
time, make love to her! ... M-Girl, watch the penis go into your
'gina, don't close your eyes. This is the biggest moment of your
life and you must do it with Jesus!"

The boy pressed his penis into M-Girl's vagina and pushed it
home. It really looked lovely. The way the girl was positioned
and the boy standing, all of us could see. It seemed that to
whatever extent it hurt, the piercing of hymen, the satisfaction
of orgasm, the love of penis, the love of Jesus, made up for it.

I told Terrific Girl she wasn't needed anymore; M-Girl could hold
her own right leg and I would stay next to her and hold the left
one. The brother had meanwhile taken off his shorts and
underpants and was sitting on the floor right beneath penis and
vagina, and he seemed unable to keep his hand away from his
penis. He clearly needed Terrific Girl more than he needed to
watch his sister. Terrific Girl pushed his hand away and stroked
his penis. It was a pubescent penis: not big yet, but it had
potential and it had pubic hair and it was erect. Terrific Girl
said "Let's just watch; when your sister is finished, we'll
start".

Ejaculation happened, penis was out of vagina, semen leaked from
vagina; I guided M-Girl's mouth back to the penis to taste the
delicious Communion waters: semen, mucus and blood.

By this time, the brother's penis was in Terrific Girl's mouth.
The Mom seemed delighted and she told us all to watch: "Look at
my son! Look at his penis! Jesus is Great!" (Today one has to
wonder: when Muslims say "God is Great" are they thinking penis?
Are they thinking sex? If you put "arab babe" into a search
engine you start to wonder.

I don't think any girl on earth is better with a penis in her
mouth than Terrific Girl. We could see the excitement mounting in
the boy, we could see his penis tensing. And when he ejaculated
for her, we could see the semen collected in her mouth and then
swallowed. How could any family be closer to Jesus than with boy
and girl sharing orgasms and the sight of orgasms like that?

It is, of course, nice to watch a girl kissing a big penis; an
example that I've seen cited is a Japanese girl shown in the
video at bit.ly/OEVfDh But to see a boy putting his penis into a
girl's mouth for the first time in his life, and to see the
wonderment in his face as he ejaculates is beyond fantastic. I've
done this dozens of times: in the year I lived with Mom on the
houseboat I made a hobby of seducing changeling boys, and
sometimes Mom would watch. The trouble at M-Girl's coming out was
that her brother had seen her with penis both in mouth and in
vagina, and he wanted to do both as well. Terrific Girl, expert
in all things sexual in relation to pubescent boys, figured that
he'd get another erection soon enough. She took him to the
post-defloration party where there were dozens of boys and girls
and in effect she just waited for him to get another erection.
When it happened she took him off to the side, penis went into
vagina, and a good time was had by both. What Terrific Girl did
next was a bit different though. She pointed out that Mom's
Friend's Rules call for every girl to have the right "to pursue
orgasm" each and every time if she wants, and so she made
M-Girl's brother kneel in front of her while she sat down, and he
had to kiss and lick her vagina to her satisfaction. Fortunately
orgasms readily come to her; I wasn't watching the clock but it
seem to me that she finished up her sex in 10 minutes, 15 minutes
at most, and then she sent the boy on his way, sticky penis and
all. And went back to doing what she did all the time: chatting
up boys, showing off her boobs, teasing potential sex partners,
enjoying making flaccid penises erect, arranging dalliances,
kissing boys on the cheeks the way the French do, but in her case
with the implied promise of kissing his penis too--but later.

Terrific Girl, mature beyond her 14 years in a lot of ways, would
talk about penises to anybody who would listen. "There's a dual
impulse. You want to see the penis going into the mouth, into the
vagina. But you don't want to lose sight of the gorgeous
circumcised head." True enough: the Japanese girl in the video
linked above knew that well. She smiles coquettishly as she takes
the penis out of her mouth and makes love to its head with her
tongue. And every girl watching wants a penis like that for
herself and promises to do likewise: an endless chain of arousal
and orgasmic build-up. The basis, indeed, for Mom's Friend's
sex-as-religion: we are witnessing for Jesus, and those watching
are feeling vicarious orgasm, wanting more, wanting to show Jesus
that they know the joy of making love for him, of giving and
receiving his body and blood as semen. And once a boy or a girl
has pubic hair, he or she has license to follow Jesus in this
way. Defloration is the sacrament of joining the Congregation of
Jesus, physically sharing his love and his semen.

Let us never forget this.

(Mom's Friend made circumcision a fundamental requirement for
staying at the House and for having sex. "Jesus was circumcised.
Anyone who says that Christians don't have to be is blasphemous.
I don't want any of you girls to touch an uncircumcised penis."
Indeed, in the 31 years since I came out at age 11½ I've only had
two uncircumcised penises in my mouth and they were both from
England, under special circumstances, one of them in Ibiza.)

Sex must be a part of family faith. "Whenever my Daddy is home,
and he and my step-mom make love, I want to be there too. I bring
a boy and we make love in tandem: penis in mouth, maybe even
mutual oral sex. And the combination of four orgasms is homage to
Jesus and family solidarity and witnessing to everybody who is
watching us that a penis is a divine instrument of hope and
prayer and love and salvation.

While Terrific Girl and M-Girl's brother were making love
M-Girl's Mom was transfixed. When they finished she asked them to
stand up together and face her so she could see their bodies:
Terrific Girl as always proud of her orgasm and now the boy, his
penis still quite stiff, pointing out at 90 degrees. His Mom said
"You too are lovely. And I'm so proud of your penis, it's almost
a if I can actually see it grow." I've written a lot about
mothers and their sons' penises and whether or not a Mom talks
like that she will often be thinking that way. I knew a half
dozen mothers who much to the embarrassment of their sons
measured their penises throughout their puberty year, just as
lots of mothers keep track of their daughters bust and hip
measurements. It was hardly surprising how many mothers
negotiated with mothers of girls opportunities for their sons to
have their first sex--not quite a defloration party but a
celebration nevertheless. And since Mom's Friend insisted that
every mother have sex in front of her children regularly, those
children would scarcely develop modesty or hesitate to do
likewise when the time came. And this is true whether the child
watched closely or tried to look away. Still, it would more
likely be a sister rather than a Mom who would get up really
close to watch a boy's penis in action, to marvel at leaks of
semen, to move her eyes in rhythm to a penis sliding in and out
of a mouth or a vagina. Thus M-Girl, at the party after her
defloration, saw her brother with another erection and bent down
close, pointing to it and saying "Look--there's a drop of semen
right at the slit on the tip of your penis!"

M-Girl's spoke at the party of the preparations for the
defloration: "Mom's Friend had me and my boy go to the doctor at
the same time. I watched while the [female] doctor looked at his
penis and then she told him to make it stiff and I knew that was
the penis I wanted as my first. It was so gorgeous and strong,
and his smile was so welcoming. Then she put me on the table and
had me spread my legs wide and she and he looked at my 'gina. I
got the feeling my brother wanted to jump on the table after me
and put his penis inside. I was repelled by that.

But in one way it made me feel wanted, and it made me feel like
Jesus's messenger. Today I really feel complete. I have had
Jesus's penis in my mouth! I'm glad my friends could be there and
see me become a bride of Jesus. Just look at his dried semen here
and here! Did you see how I used my lips to get more semen out
afterwards? That's how I got to swallow some, and that I got this
here on my boob. I knew my brother was jealous, it was his best
friend after all, and I'm glad Terrific Girl took care of him.
Look at him--his penis is still stiff! I can't wait until my next
birthday party when I'm going to have sex in slow motion on the
table and my friends will see the penis fill my 'gina with semen
and see it spilling out and I'm going to collect it with my
fingers and put it in my mouth and make them jealous."

The day after her coming out M-Girl had me and Terrific Girl find
a boy for her ("not hairy, except where it matters") to "practice
oral sex". She sat the boy down, took his penis and following
Terrific Girl's instruction she just licked the underside near
the head, nothing else, for what must have been 15 minutes, maybe
longer. When semen spurted up and out she managed to collect most
of it and she covered the head of the penis with thick semen and
she just admired it. And then she sucked it into her mouth and
swallowed that too and licked the penis clean. Then, as if she'd
been doing it every day of her life, she lay back with her legs
bent and apart, and we got the boy positioned and he kissed her
vagina and he used his tongue like a penis and then when we told
him she was ready he just licked and licked her clitoris until
she cried out, and even then he didn't stop until she made him
stop. And then the two of them put on some music and danced. And
the boy's penis was stiff again and against her body and they
looked so cute. She wasn't really old enough, but I got
permission to take her to the next nude dance party so people
could see what she'd learned. We set her up on the dais and then
her date got on top with his penis at her mouth and his mouth at
her vagina. I always liked boy-on-top sixty-nine; it's nice that
the boy can help me, moving his penis up and down while I
concentrate on using my tongue and lips on its tip. M-Girl did
really well, and there was a lot of semen. She didn't swallow all
it either until she got her own orgasm, and then she did and the
smile on her face was unbelievable. I hoped that she would do
that again at her birthday party.

Mom passed by while all this was going on, watched for a moment
and said "I just love a small boy with a big penis. With a big
erection, ejaculating for Jesus." So do I. Doesn't every girl?
(Well, maybe not this small:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/22122403/Precocious-Puberty ) A boy who
sees sex as part and parcel of his faith, who shares his penis
and orgasms with lots of girls of his own age, is bound to grow
up confident of himself, respectful of girls, and mindful of the
needs of others. And, as Jesus instructed, loving his neighbor as
himself. The test of such a boy, I thought, is one who just
because I looked depressed and in all gentleness and in front of
my Mom and his Mom, would draw his head close to my crotch and
after seeking tacit approval, put his mouth to my vagina and make
love to it with his tongue. Afterwards I asked Mom if I had to
play with his penis in return and she assured me that if I didn't
feel like it I did not. But a day or two later, when I felt
better, I called him over and I played with his penis a lot. And
it ejaculated a lot, almost more than I could swallow in one go.

What you have to realize, Dear Reader, is that so many of
adolescent stresses are due to lack of opportunity for sex, and
jealously about boy- and girlfriends. At Mom's Friend's House we
couldn't be entirely free of some of the emotional issues, but
there wasn't jealously and there wasn't suppressed sexual urge.
As a result we did better in school than others, and there just
weren't the fights that you see in other places: every kid knew
that without Mom's Friend there wouldn't be the opportunity for
sex like that, and also a lot of us would have been homeless.
It's really reassuring for a kid to know that on any day she (or
he) can make love, especially when you know that it's what Jesus
wants and expects of us--so long as we do it in front of others
and we do our best so both of us have orgasms.

It was interesting how M-Girl so quickly lost any shyness she'd
had, and she walked around confidently in the nude. When you saw
her seated her legs would always be apart, she wanted boys to see
her sex parts. But her best legacy, and it went on for some time,
until she left for college I think, was a Friday afternoon custom
of boys and girls voting on who should be each other's partner
for Saturday sex. You got some surprising matches, and sometimes
they really worked out well. But sometimes votes were obvious and
stupid, too: big boobs put together with big penis rather than
trying to work out personality and sexual compatibility. It's
different though: not quite a blind date since usually we knew
each other but an unexpected meeting of a particular penis and a
particular mouth and vagina. Because it was part of the Rules,
anytime a penis ejaculated in a mouth the girl had to swallow it.
I think that's the only "unconventional" thing we did in sex; I
guess everybody today uses oral sex as foreplay but that was I
think an innovation when Mom's Friend mandated it. But even today
not every girl swallows, more's the pity. http://bit.ly/PLarm4
I've written elsewhere how irrumatio and swallowing can bring a
girl as close to Jesus's ideal as is possible to imagine:
http://bit.ly/dFZq7W (only the first 13 minutes of the video are
relevant)

As for the occasional complaint that Mom's Friend's House
fostered "sex addiction", don't believe it:
http://www.salon.com/2011/11/29/dont_believe_the_sex_addiction_hy
pe/singleton/ The most important aspect of Mom's Friend's sex
protocol making this unlikely is the requirement for parental
supervision and the one that family or friends should always be
present. This made abuse and coercion impossible, and it made
sure that boys and girls would follow the Rules, that they would
arouse each other with oral sex, that girls would have the
opportunity for orgasm, that semen would be given the respect of
a sacred element of and for Jesus. Under these conditions it was
safe even for small children to see sex in progress and for boys
and girls to look forward to puberty in the knowledge that they
would have sex, have orgasms and make Jesus part and parcel of
their bodies and souls. Salvation and orgasm would go hand in
hand. Or, more accurately I suppose, penis in girl.

I think one of Mom's Friend's greatest contributions to teen
sexuality and sexual satisfaction was to reassure kids, boys
especially, that "you don't have to wait for a big penis to have
sex, you can have and give great orgasms when your penis is still
growing." Older Girl added to that, saying the best sex is slow
sex, that girls should slow down and slow their partners down,
that teasing a boy yields more semen and better orgasm. Too true.
When I was 14 I would drive boys to distraction with slow motion
sex. In fact I still do it, it's fun. And unnerving even for
people watching. If there was anything I could teach Mom at that
age, that was it. I saw her giving ultra-slow oral sex to a
consular officer of some foreign country at Mom's Friend's House
and while he resisted it while it was happening, once he
ejaculated he went in a state of holy bliss. Whatever David
Berg's wrongs at the Children of God, he was right about sex
being the most effective tool of evangelism, of witnessing for
Jesus.

Love,
Carol

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