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From: "Samantha Muircastle" <mistydreamboat@fastmail.fm>
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Subject: {ASSM} The Journal
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Date: Thu, 01 Sep 2011 17:10:01 -0400
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  Samantha Muircastle
  mistydreamboat@fastmail.fm

-- 
http://www.fastmail.fm - The professional email service
<1st attachment, "asstr word file.doc" begin>

The Journal of this submissive called Ray's fuckdoll.

I'm not a good story teller so I will copy my Journal. Everything
I have written is true.  It has been published before, in the
form of letters written to LiveJournal.com under the name "Ray's
fuckdoll". That's me. I wrote these letters at the request of my
Master as a form of therapy I suppose and also to keep him
informed of my activities because he is continents away in
Thailand at the moment. One day soon I will join him and we will
become one.

Dear Journal,
Hi everyone,I'm Sam. That's short for Samantha. I'm 28 and live
in the UK, (at the moment....because I travel a lot and do a bit
of travel writing). I'm a total Sub. (That means I'm very
submissive by nature). I never used to be. I didn't discover that
I was until I met Ray through an internet website and I confess
that now I am totally in awe of him. He is everything I want in
the world. I want to be his woman and serve him forever. He is
aged 44, highly intelligent and has a great mind, which don't
always go together. He has self control, is honest and
responsible, mature, knowledgeable, experienced, passionate and
can be very gentle and caring. Trust is so important in our
relationship. I confess to having been a worthless, promiscuous
slut, until I met my beloved Master. I now do just what he asks.
If he wants me to refrain from sex, I do. If he wants me to do
things to please him, I do. Which can include going with and
obeying other people that he nominates. Whatever I do I must do
well and give full pleasure, which in turn makes him happy. If I
fail in any way, I am rightly punished. I am very happy and
pleased that I made this decision at this stage of my life.
That's it for now. Tell you more later.
Bless you all,
Samantha

That was my first entry. I know it's pretty naff. I should have
said that I'm quite pretty, 5 feet tall (or is that 5 foot?) slim
(100lbs soaking wet) and kind of dark blonde, shoulder length
hair. One more thing I am now known as "Fuckdoll" and in the
journal and elsewhere I am "Ray's fuckdoll". I am fit. I like
playing tennis. I jog. I have horses and ride most days. I enjoy
jogging with my dogs running beside me. I love sex. I love
curling up on a rug in the Winter in front of a big roaring fire.
I don't smoke. I don't drink a lot. I swim most days. In the
Winter I ski. 

Ray, my Master has taught me this mantra which I have learned by
heart. -  "From the day I was born, I was destined to be a man's
sex toy. A piece of meat designed to bring pleasure to men. My
mind and individuality is an illusion masking the pure primal
support of a body functioning for the lusts of the penis. I am a
receptacle for sperm, a receiver of man's seed, a cumdump. A body
of flesh and bone for wrapping around the penis, giving pleasure
in three ways, oral, anal, and vaginal cavities made for use by
penises of all shapes and sizes, for them to thrust into and
enjoy, a piece of fuckmeat. And, with my Owner's permission, I am
yours." I sometimes have to repeat this aloud to people. I am
told when to do this by Ray. 

Hi Journal,
Sorry, I should have said that my Master is very easy on the eye
too. No.... godammit.. he's fucking handsome and very fit. I am
so proud to be his. I sometimes just cry when I think about how
much I love him. Am I stupid or what?I didn't have too good a
childhood. I have lots of dark, horrible secrets. Things happened
to me that should never happen to any small girl. These are
things I will never talk about even in this journal. My childhood
was stolen by two evil old men. I'm pleased to say they are both
dead now and may they and their disgustingly perverted friends
rot in hell forever. Despite everything I think that I am a
pretty well balanced individual and have gone through some
terrible times and come out not too badly damaged.
I'm in a marriage which is on the rocks and we nearly divorced
but his ill-health has brought us back together. He knows nothing
about Ray. Just that I go away occasionally to stay overnight
with friends. He either doesn't know or doesn't want to know. I'm
not sure which. Frankly, I don't really care. We have no children
which is a blessing I suppose. I plan to have children with Ray
when he decides when he wants to breed me.
That's it for now. More thoughts later.
Bye for now
Samantha

Hi Journal again, 
Yesterday I was asked for proof of age when I bought a bottle of
wine in an Off-Licence. My God. I didn't know whether to be
flattered or annoyed. I showed the female assistant my driving
licence and she said I only looked 16. I'll be 29 later this
year. I was in a very short skirt and she mumbled that what I was
wearing didn't help. Some of the guys at Bill's parties think I
look like a schoolgirl. They say that turns them on. 
Sorry. I should have said earlier that for some time now I have
visited a couple who organise "swingers" parties on a fairly
regular basis. Bill is married to Mary and they live in
Peterborough in a large old semi-detached house with a basement.
Bill is 60 something and Mary is 60. Both are attractive and very
sensual people. Master Ray has given me his blessing to continue
attending their parties. I was at the most recent gathering just
last weekend. 
One man who wants me to call him "Binky", is a retired Colonel
from the army and is very keen that I play the schoolgirl. He's
got lots of money, really lots, but I wish he'd spend some of it
on soap. He wants to take me out to dinner sometime, but said I
have to ask my Master first. 
The weekend flew by. In the end I didn't get there till Saturday
morning about 11am but there were already 3 guys waiting. They
let me have a coffee first, which I thought was decent of them.
Then down to the basement, "playroom" as they call it. It's been
done very nicely considering that Bill and his wife Mary don't
have a lot of money.
I had fun and enjoyed myself. Sometimes I closed my eyes and just
thought of my Master Ray. I imagined him sometimes doing things
to me and sometimes just sitting and watching. I slept with Mary
that night and she was very kind and loving and brought me off
three times. Bill slept in the couch. There were guys everywhere.
I think there were five others in chairs and put-u-ups scattered
around the house. I didn't get much chance to sleep in on Sunday
morning and ended up doing a Bukkake thing in the front room with
them. I'd not done that before with quite so many. It was funny
because I remembered something Master had told me and didn't
spill a drop. After that I didn't want any breakfast.
Binky hadn't stayed in the house overnight but had stayed in a
hotel somewhere nearby. He came back and brought his driver who
works full time for Binky as some kind of butler or batman or
something. Binky asked if he could have a go, his driver I mean.
I said yes, remembering that Ray my Master had told me to never
refuse anyone.
Tell you more later.
Blows Master Ray a kiss. X

Dear Journal
I sometimes hope that the whole world can read our thoughts. I'd
be proud to let everyone know how I feel for Him.Funny story
(true)...happened to me on Sunday....I was told on Sunday that I
look a lot like Maggie Gyllenhaal who starred in the film
'Secretary', a film about a sexual sadomasochistic relationship.
I Googled it and damn, there is a likeness, even I can see that
and I loved the film clip on youtube maybe this will be my life
soon...(I hope)My love to my Master and everyone who reads
this.Fuckdoll

Dear Journal
Master,
I woke at 4am this morning. Wide awake, feeling wonderful. I made
a coffee, and did something I haven't done for months. I walked
down to the lake and watched the sunrise from the East. That is a
special place to me now - the East. It was glorious. The shadows
of the magnificent trees were so long they almost reached me at
the lakeside moorings where we keep a small boat. I sat in the
boat which rocked gently in the slight breeze and cuddled my mug
of coffee and thought of my dear Master.. 
I felt so good that by 5.30 am I was out on the gallops riding
Dixie my favourite horse, with the dogs running behind us,
scattering rabbits all over the place. It was exhilarating. Dixie
and I had both worked up a good sweat by 7am when I trotted her
back to the stables. The dogs were knackered. Kieran the stable
hand who always letches me took her off to be washed. I swear he
has a permanent erection. I jogged to the house and could feel
his eyes on my bum the whole way. He's cute enough, only about 25
but shorter than me.
Then I went to the pool room, stripped off completely and dived
in. I swam for a solid hour and lost count of the lengths I did,
certainly over a hundred. When I got out and towelled myself dry
I was steaming. The pool water is kept way too high. (Note to
myself: get our handyman to turn it down a bit). After dressing
in my oldest tightest jeans and green tube top I drove then to a
local caf frequented mainly by lorry drivers and had the "Big One
with extra fries - a heart attack on a plate" or so the chalk
board described it. I scoffed the lot and sat chatting with some
very nice Northern truck drivers who couldn't believe that I
could eat it all. The coffee they serve is shit - out of a tin. I
drank it anyway with four sugars, drove home and then went on to
the hospital to visit my poor husband.
No progress I'm afraid. Still very poorly. What is going to
happen. I feel so helpless at times.Blow my Master kisses,
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXHis Fuckdoll


Before my next Journal entry I should tell you that my husband is
60, so is a lot older than me and we have now been married 3
years. He is wealthy and we live in a grand house. I married him
for love not money. I guess I'm what people call a "trophy wife".
Although I know he still loves me. But it has not worked out and
we have grown apart. I left him for several months last year and
spent most of that time with a Canadian oil man and ranch owner.
We travelled the world but that didn't work out either. I came
back home as soon as I found out that my husband was extremely
ill. 


Dear Journal. A miserable day,
Beloved Master,
I have a confession. I've been very tearful today. I spent the
morning visiting my husband who is very ill in hospital. He is
very sick indeed. Principally it is his heart, but there are
other complications. He is in a critical condition, so they say,
in a private room in a private hospital. Today he smiled at me.
He couldn't speak. He is hooked up to so many things. I know the
nurse on duty this morning quite well and after sitting talking
to my husband, telling him about what is happening at home and in
the outside world, I asked her if I could have an uninterrupted
hour with him. I blushed, she smiled and said okay and left
us.This must happen a lot in these hospitals. I pulled back the
bed clothes and started to masturbate him. I was surprised that
he became erect quite quickly. I then started to give him oral
relief. He responded and that made me happy. He has always been
proud of his penis size and that hadn't changed. I took my time
and did it lovingly and slowly. I heard to door open once and
close again quite quickly. I have no idea who it was as I never
looked up. I took him in my mouth and kept working on him till he
was empty and limp.
He looked so happy. Then I saw him shudder and he started
weeping. That set me off and both of us cried like babies. His
semen tasted of chemicals. It was odd. I've resolved to do that
for him every week. I lay beside him for a little then I realised
that he was sleeping so I left.
I normally go straight home but - and I don't know why - I
stopped in the hospital chapel first and just sat thinking. It
came to me while I sat there that I cannot continue my divorce
proceedings against him. Not while he is in this condition. I
really wept then. I feel so guilty. He is a wonderful man and has
cared for me and given me everything. It is my greed and lust for
my Master that brought on my unhappiness at home. I don't know
what to do.
My Master needs me and I need him. My husband holds my future in
his hands. I don't wish for him to die, but I'd rather that than
see him living in this condition. I know that I am a worthless,
promiscuous slut - but I have tried so hard to change.
When I got home eventually I found a welcome message from my
Master including a couple of links to asstr an archive of erotic
stories on the internet.
I'm going to lose myself in them this afternoon and forget all my
troubles.Bless you Master
Your Fuckdoll. XXXXXXX

Dear Journal, the ups and downs of my life at the moment.
The hospital was awful today. So bloody depressing. I've always
hated hospitals - so impersonal and cold. The white coats, the
smell and the whispering. My husband was asleep the whole time.
I've been playing more tennis lately and a friend of my
husband's, who happens to be newly divorced is showing an
interest in me. We have been partnered up in mixed doubles
matches against some other old friends. I get the opinion that
they all think my husband will die soon and this guy will be
perfect for me. Little do they know about my real plans. My
tennis partner is a pleasant man in his own right, 56, which is
twice my age but he's still a little younger than my husband.
He's quite handsome in a Hugh Grant kind of way and good company.
Not really my type but he makes me laugh, which is not an easy
thing to do at the moment. He's taking me out to dinner later.
I'll not let anything happen between us. The only way would be if
my beloved Master ordered me.
I've avoided Ascot races for the first time in three years. We
have the use of a private box and I so enjoyed it when my husband
was mobile. I was invited by several friends but I couldn't face
all the bonhomie and pretentiousness. I've used every spare
minute to ride my own horses and one afternoon even helped groom
and muck-out. Kieran, our hand, as always positioned himself
behind me for the best view of my ass. I decided to ignore him.
But I did work up a healthy sweat. Or should I say 'glow'? I
swear he had a hard-on the whole time..
There are not many swanky places to eat close to where I live and
I believe my 'escort' is taking me to some ridiculously expensive
restaurant in Cambridge. I could really do without it and wish
now that I hadn't accepted his invitation. At least I have a free
weekend.
Last weekend was enjoyable but very tiring. I took part in a mini
orgy at a private house in Peterborough. Truthfully....I did, and
not for the first time. My Master knows all about it and
sanctioned it. He knows the people who run it from a website
called Fetlife. It is all very civilized and there is always a
lot of humour and drinking. Last weekend there was just the
organiser's wife and I representing the female sex. The organiser
as always had it top heavy with men. Over the course of two days
there were nine guys (including Bill the organiser). I was kept
busy but wouldn't have missed it for the world.
That's my news and innermost thoughts for now. More later.
Love to my beloved Master.
XXXXXXXXXXXX

Dear Journal, A really fun evening...... then back to reality.
I was taken to the Midsummer House restaurant in Cambridge. Very
posh and expensive. Michelin stars everywhere. Daniel Clifford
the owner/chef came out to greet us, lots of hugs. It appears he
knows my dining/tennis partner rather well. We sat in a strange
type of conservatory made more weird by the fact that it was
pouring with rain outside. The meal was pleasant as was the wine.
We both drank too much. We had a driver for the night who waited
outside. When we left, I knew this was going to happen - it was
suggested we went back to his place for coffee, (that's my dinner
companion's - not the driver's). I politely declined. It really
was very late, so I was driven home. He was kissing me and trying
to grope me the whole journey. It must have been embarrassing for
the driver. I was relieved that my house was in darkness when we
did pull up. We have two live in staff in the house whose rooms
are around the back. It would not have done for them to have
witnessed us exchanging quite so much saliva. I did not invite
him in, excusing myself on the grounds that I had to be at the
hospital early today to visit my husband, which was true. It took
me a while to get off to sleep afterwards. I could have done with
some company and I really wanted a man right then. I did what I
often do masturbated and thought of Ray. I knew that he would be
pleased with me and enjoy my suffering.
That's it. Off to the hospital soon.
I swam for an hour to get rid of the cobwebs in my brain. I might
ride later if it stops raining. I weighed myself this morning
after my swim and I'm back to six and a half stone. My dresses
won't hang on me like I'm a coat hanger any more. We have some
quite large palm trees and lots of ferns in the pool room. I
finally remembered to water them.
Bye for now,
Fuckdoll.

Dear Journal, for the world to know.
There is only one man who can possibly accept me for who and what
I am, and I am going to do everything in my power to lay myself
at his feet and let him know that he can do anything he wants
with me. I know that in his hands I have no fear of wants or
needs and my dreams and thoughts bring him closer to me because
he knows that deep down in my bones, he owns me and every thought
in my head. Because he loves me for all that I am and have ever
been. He is my God. And no matter what happens, I worship his
existence.
Fuckdoll

Dear Journal, 
Thoughts of life and death and thoughts of life after death.
He believes that he is dying. Yesterday while we were together at
the hospital he reached over and grabbed my hand. Looking
intently into my eyes he said, "Promise me one thing!"... "What?"
I responded giving him my full attention. What was about to be
spoken was surely important. "Promise me you won't try to replace
me." I was shocked, stunned. I feel I must have blushed. At that
precise moment I'd been dreaming of being together with my
Master, in his arms and finally together forever. I told him,
"Nobody could ever replace you darling." But I couldn't look him
in the eyes when I said it. I will grieve the loss of my
husband's companionship and long for his arms to hold me, as they
used to do. I'll especially miss the way he kissed the back of my
neck. I loved that and still do. His merry ways, his laughter,
steady grin, and sharp wit will be a part of my life forever
living within my memories for years to come. All I can do is pray
that the good Lord will lighten my burden, relieve his pain and
suffering and hasten my journey to be at my Master's feet. I
have always been a hard sceptic, however I'm quite open-minded in
regards to things such as spirituality, the afterlife,
alternative healing, and even soul mates. However, that
inner-sceptic never allowed me to use the term "soul mate." In
fact, I often hear many use it so freely to describe those they
are in love with. I've been in love, experienced extreme lust,
and had those same feelings that so many describe as being
"united as souls." And then I really experienced it -- finding,
and falling in love with, my Master Ray. He stuck by me when
times were tough and I was at a loss to know what to do. I don't
know what I would have done without his help and guidance.
Fuckdoll.

Dear Journal, Sad and lonely.
I have been spending 12 hours a day at the hospital. I now find
it hard to talk about. He looks awful and is basically on life
support for now. He is not aware of me at all.
Thanks to you for being there for me.I'm home now alone, except
for a bottle of wine. I just called the hospital so I have the
latest update - no change.His night nurse is going to try and
wean him off the ventilator tonight and see if he can breathe on
his own. His heart is still slow, so still on pacemaker.I'm
going to get drunk tonight, go to bed with my vibrators and think
of my Master then cum and cum and cum.
Fuckdoll.

Dear Journal. This brightened my day.
I have to add this. It happened just now. I took a glass of wine
into our sauna cabin. It's at the end of the pool room by the
Jacuzzi and next to that is an open shower. Although it's turned
8pm it's still light outside of the pool room doors which are
full length glass on three sides of the pool room. They can slide
all the way back but this evening they were closed. The pool room
is surrounded by hedges and trees and they come quite close. The
sauna cabin is big enough for 8 or 10. I don't know why. I'm the
only one that ever uses it. I'm always naked in and around the
pool, unless we have company. I like being nude. There are a
couple of large mirrors and sometimes I turn up the music, dance
and watch myself. It sounds conceited and I guess it is, but I've
got a nice figure.
Anyway... back to what happened. I turned on the sauna heater and
while it heated up I swam for half an hour. Then went into the
cabin. The cabin has a glass door and although I could see out
the reflective glass prevents anyone seeing in. I don't know how
I spotted him but I saw Kieran hiding in the middle of a large
rhododendron bush. The little pervert even had binoculars.
I gave him a 20 minute wait then casually walked out and stood
just inside the door closest to him. I was loving it. I could
feel his eyes all over me. Then I started dancing to the music,
spinning round, showing him everything. I was so close that I
knew he wouldn't need his binoculars. I guess I knew what he was
doing and that excited me to.
Kieran is no oil painting, small and skinny, I guess horse people
are all like that. (I should have said earlier that he lives
above our stables and is our groom. He's about 30 and unmarried.
I never saw him again after that but I guess he was there
somewhere well hidden.
I did another half hour in the pool, showered and came straight
onto my pc to tell you the story.
Now to bed for an early night. I hope Kieran sleeps well.
All my love Fuckdoll.

Dear Journal. A couple of updates.
Sunday: I spent another 7 hours up at the hospital, they did
another CT scan on his brain, and the report has still not been
written up or looked at by the neurologist. They told me I might
as well call in the morning. They are terribly worried about some
kind of brain damage because of the way he is wiggling around. He
still does not respond to anything. He has an infection somewhere
and so an infectious disease specialist is attending in the
morning, he has been seen by a pulmonary specialist and his lungs
are at least clear, except for normal secretions they have to
suction sometimes. He has a fever, really hot to the touch, he is
still all swollen up and bloated, his blood pressure is really
low, they are trying to keep it up, was down to 60/30 once today,
ran about 101/54 while I was there. He is looking a bit grey, but
his heart seems to be working, they put in a new line for
medicine and have his food going through his nose and right
straight to his gut at the moment. He is terribly puffed up, and
I feel so helpless, I don't know what to do for him, what to say
to someone who is not awake and not asleep either. And yes, I am
scared to death. This is not how I wanted it to end so that I
could be with my Master, my destiny. Will hopefully have the
results of the scan tomorrow night .... by now I have no clue
what to even pray for.
Monday Update:
The Neurosurgeon thinks he may have brain damage from lack of
oxygen. This is not good at all, big time bad news if it is true.
He said not to give up yet, and that anything could happen still,
and they are still fiddling with the medication, trying to find
one to keep him sedated and at the same time wean him off. He is
on full life support now, has to be suctioned out every hour. Was
given more blood today and his blood pressure was as usual very
low. He also got a bag of plasma for some reason.. I am trying to
keep happy, gloom does no one any good.
Fuckdoll

Dear Journal,
Today told that he is stronger. 50% to 50% chance now of
recovery. Brain function is normal now. We spend a lot of time
talking and both of us crying. I feel so deceitful but he can
tell I still have feelings for him.. He even asked for one of my
special treats that I know I do so well. How could I say "No".
Quite a large mouthful too. We have a long road ahead of us.
Anything can still happen at this point but I am going to keep
focused on the plus side. I have to say Master that I'm
ambivalent. I so wanted this to be over. How wicked is that.
OMG...What am I saying. I'm getting a lot of loving support from
friends.
Fuckdoll.


Sorry. There has been quite a long gap now between my Journal
entries. My dear husband is home now and has been for several
weeks. He seems to be making a slow but steady recovery.  This is
also the first time that I have been away from him and have left
him in the hands of a nurse. He knows I am staying with friends
in Peterborough. He just doesn't know what we get up to.


Dear Journal. A weekend away.
I got to Peterborough and Bill and Mary's house in time for lunch
on Saturday. Only Bill was there. He was in bed when I arrived
and Mary was shopping at the big Tesco's. I knew I'd got there
early, I wasn't expected till tea time so Bill made me a cup of
tea and we sat and talked about old times. Bill wears pyjamas,
how old fashioned is that. Cotton stripey ones with the old
fashioned tie up trousers. He got an erection within 10 minutes
and tried to ignore it but his cock was like a tent pole, poor
man. I was like hypnotized by it. He saw I noticed but I guess he
was embarrassed . I didn't know why, it's not like we haven't
done it before. I know Mary is cool with it. He eventually
confessed that he hadn't had a shower. He is a meticulously clean
man usually, but as I'd got him out of bed I told him it really
didn't matter to me. I like a man to smell like a man. We chatted
about the weather and Cricket and shopping in Peterborough.
Bill's an expert he works in a huge department store as a
security guard. I love his uniform. Really turns me on. Bill's
not what you'd call handsome, but he has got a nice body for a
man of his age. He's 61 and Mary is 60. Both are very sexual and
have been swingers all their married lives. I hope that when I'm
their age I will still be doing it like them. Any way five
minutes later and much to his relief I was on my knees in front
of him. When I released his erection through the slit in his
pyjamas, he gave a huge sigh and settled back and slid his arse
forward in the armchair. I didn't bother undressing and began by
just gently touching it with my fingers. His cock honestly looked
as if it was ready to burst. The head was massive and a very deep
purple. It was dry to start then after a few seconds I had the
head wet and shiny from his own pre-cum. He didn't close his eyes
as a lot of men do, but stared at his cock and my fingers working
all around the helmet and round the glands. I like to rub my
finger on the little hole as well, just little circular motions
spreading his lovely juices. My god he looked so happy. I know
just how sensitive his cock is in that area. I was careful not to
touch his shaft which I knew he wanted me to do. His glands
looked just like a big wet purple plum all shiny and glistening.
All the time his juices ran out of the top and I smeared them
around his lovely plum. I was just using the tips of my fingers
very gently. I'll say this for Bill that he is a stayer as men
go. The first time I met him I think he may have had Viagra but
he lasts and lasts. Mary said he takes it sometimes. But today I
think he was ready to cum quickly, then we heard Mary come home
with the shopping and the next thing was she was sitting in the
other armchair watching us, laughing and saying I might have
guessed the moment my back was turned. She made us laugh too. She
watched what I was doing then asked Bill if she could help. He
just nodded. I don't think he could talk he was so close to
cumming. Mary joined me on her knees and I let her take his
penis. She squeezed his shaft and asked him how he wanted to cum
while she moved her hand up and down. He made like a kissing
motion with his lips and looked at me. Mary asked me if it was ok
with me. I said of course.She asked me to get undressed which I
did in like ten seconds. I never put anything on again for nearly
48 hours apart from a couple of hours on Sunday. Bill in the
meantime had slid down onto the floor which I knew meant he
wanted to 69 me. So Mary still had his cock and was pumping it
and I sat over his face and let him lick and suck my pussy. I was
going to go down on him when Mary stopped me and kissed me on the
lips. I never felt anything so good. She kissed me really hard
and tongued me, squeezing my tits with her free hand. She'd kiss
me, then call me a dirty girl, a little tramp, a beautiful whore
all sorts of names. My pussy was on fire. Bill now had his
fingers in my arse and was rubbing my clit with his other hand.
Ten minutes of this and I was ready to explode. It flashed
through my mind that I wished Ray my Master could be here
watching. I knew one day I'd be doing this in front of him with
other men and women. Bill shouted that he was going to cum so
Mary pushed my face down and fed his cock into my mouth while she
pumped it. I started screaming then because I was cumming. Then I
came in silence as I received a throat full of his hot cum. It
felt like about a pint. So much came out. I swallowed it all. I
don't like spilling any. Ray has trained me not to ever waste a
drop. It's precious he tells me and insulting to a man to have
his seed spilt. There was a little bit on my chin which I scraped
into my mouth with my finger. I came for about a minute and
Bill's mouth and lips never left my pussy and his fingers just
kept pumping into my arse. In the end Mary dragged me off him and
took me upstairs to her bedroom and stripped off. Within a minute
we were making love and although it was not our first time
together, both of us were so hot for each other our mouths and
lips were glued to each other. Between kisses she told me she
loved me. I believe her. She spent an hour giving me so much
pleasure. I came 5 or 6 times before she came. She is so
unselfish and generous. Bill came in at some stage and just
watched and never said a word. By the time we finished it was
after 2pm. I think we slept in each others arms until about 3pm.
Then Bill told us his friends were on their way and if I wanted
to shower I had half an hour and that he had a surprise for me. I
just read this through and it sounds so much like fucking
fiction. No one will believe this happened and what happened
next. What do I do? Do I continue? I'm 28 and I've been sexually
active for more than half my life. Five eighth in fact. I had an
std at 13. It didn't last long. A very kind man got rid of it for
me and being over 60 never stopped him either. 
Ray my beloved Master, I do so miss talking to you everyday. I
just remembered what they call it that I was doing to Bill. They
call it a "slow milking". That is such a lovely name for it. I
get so much pleasure from it as well. I keep adding stuff to this
journal entry. Bill and Mary are extraordinary people. I love
them both. Bill showed me his surprise, I tried to pretend to be
pleased but I didn't like it much. He's built a "glory hole" in
the side of an old wooden wardrobe at cock height for a man
outside. He wanted me to go inside and do my thing in there. He
must have seen on my face that I didn't like the idea so he never
made me. 
It's funny, I don't mind being tied up or chained and blindfolded
and fucked any which way but something about the wardrobe reminds
me too much of when I was punished when I was little. I told Bill
and he said it was okay. He must have known how frightened I was.
He gave me a cuddle and told me not to worry. We stayed down in
the "play room" then and talked for a bit. Bill had dressed I'd
showered but my hair was still wet and we sat and talked for a
bit. He thought my clit had got bigger. I'm sure it hasn't
changed. It's his imagination. Anyway he had me lying back and he
was examining my pussy really closely when Mary came in with two
black guys who work with Bill. I'd never met them before. Terry
and Gordon. We were introduced by Mary. I said that their names
didn't sound like black people. As soon as I said it I knew that
was racist and blushed like hell. I had to cover my face I was so
embarrassed. Everyone laughed and I shook their hands. These guys
were both bigger than Bill who is over six feet tall. I guess
Terry was oldest. He was about 40 to 45 and Gordon was in his
middle 30s. Both were really good looking and when I stood up my
head never even reached their chins. 
Mary told them that I was going to be a good girl for them and
that I would do anything that they wanted within reason. There
was no rush they had all evening and if they wanted to stay the
night I was theirs for the night as well. She said the Colonel
(Binky) was coming later and asked if I minded. I said it was
okay. Bill put some music on and I started dancing with Gordon.
Terry got undressed and then started dancing with me while Gordon
got undressed. Bill sat on an armchair and just watched. Then
Terry picked me up in his arms and carried me to the bed very
gently and placed me down and started to kiss me all over. Gordon
knelt by my head and pulled me towards his penis which was not
even fully erect but growing fast. I then had the best loving I'd
ever had. They fucked me in every hole and neither man came for
well over an hour. I must have had a dozen orgasms. I few times I
screamed so loud that Mary came rushing down. Bill joined in a
bit and at some stage the Colonel arrived and joined in. But the
two black guys never stopped. The Colonel wanted to take some
photos. I said NO WAY then when he pressed me I foolishly agreed
and he filmed some of it. He kept getting in close doing
close-ups of my pussy or my arse with a big black cock in it. I
know he also filmed my face when I was having orgasms and I had
plenty of those.
Fuckdoll XXXXXXXX Love you.

Dear Journal. Saturday night till midnight and after.
Oh God did I get fucked on Saturday night. Their cocks and their
thick, black fingers inside me. I was soaking. My little wet
pussy was used for hours. "I'm a whore, a slut." I must have said
it a thousand times. Terry kept calling me a cumslut. At some
stage Bill brought in some handcuffs and some rope and I was tied
down and blindfolded.When I didn't have something in my mouth I
was calling out "Yes! Give it to me. Fuck me. I love black cock"
and I'd push my cunt up at whoever was inside me. I begged to be
fucked. The Colonel although I couldn't see him was laughing and
filming me. I was pleased I had the blindfold on. He kept calling
me a white slut, in his very upper class voice, saying I need
more cock. More cock. Fuck the skinny bitch. Fuck her brains out.
She's a good slut. Terry and Gordon were laughing and I heard
Mary and Bill laugh too. Mary kept saying "Beg for it bitch"
Someone began licking and biting my thighs. I realised later it
was the Colonel who had stopped filming. I just moved my pussy
towards his mouth. I had totally lost it by then. 
Someone was fucking me with their fingers. Then a tongue was
flicking against my clit. Then someone came in my mouth. I was
sucking as fast as I could. I heard the Colonel say "She has the
prettiest lips. Just right for that these big black cocks." I
have to get this on film. " You are a real slut Princess? Open
your mouth. Let me see that beautiful black cum. Smile for the
camera sweetheart." I smiled and opened my mouth wide. "Yes, film
me. I want to be a whore. Record it. Record everything". This
made them all laugh. Next thing I knew I was cumming all over
someone's face. My legs were spread wide with the ropes. Someone
untied them and I had my legs raised high till my knees were by
my ears. Mary was holding me my blindfold had come off I saw that
Gordon was sucking my pussy and licking my arse with his tongue.
He was deliberately spreading my legs and my arse cheeks so the
Colonel could clearly see and film his black face buried in me.
Every few minutes I imagined Ray, my Master standing in the room.
Dressed in black. Watching sternly. Sometimes I imagined him with
his cock erect and him slowly stroking it. But all the time his
eyes were on me. At some time late in the evening I went into
like a different zone. Almost like an out of body experience. I
realized first that someone else had arrived, a old white guy
with a tiny cock that he kept wanting me to suck, it never really
got hard but he came about three times and each time he said "say
thank you". and each time I did. Then there was an olive skinned
man who looked in his 20's and was slim. He liked to pinch my
nipples until they hurt. He had a cruel smile. He fucked my in my
arse twice and left, I don't remember him arriving. I think there
were more, other men. I vaguely remember a thickset ginger man
who was Irish like a builder. But I kept drifting in and out. The
Colonel had left and I didn't get worried about the filming until
Sunday but Mary swore that he was a man of honour and would keep
them for his own collection only. I heard many people there. Some
were drinking beer. It sounded like a rowdy bar at times. But I
wasn't left alone for even one minute. I remember Mary gave me a
glass of water a couple of times and she also wiped me down with
a damp towel a few times. I was covered in sweat and cum. It is
so hot in the playroom. Someone pissed into a pint glass and I
was offered it. I drank it down laughing and calling for more.
Then I don't remember too much. I remember now that when the
Colonel arrived he asked me if he could keep my knickers as a
memento. I said yes. I just remembered this. No wonder I came
home commando. At some stage early on I think I did something
wrong. I don't remember now what it was and the Colonel asked me
if I was willing to be punished. I thought of Master Ray and said
yes. I was held down over a table and given a few whacks of a
cane by the Colonel. It really stung, really hurt me. I thought I
was cut it was so bad. Even today I can still feel the welts and
it's still sore. Then it stopped. I never cried out. I had tears
in my eyes but that's something you can't prevent. Mary kissed me
and hugged me because she knew I was hurting badly. I had to pose
while the Colonel took photos of my poor sore arse. Then just as
suddenly I was back on the bed being fucked. I felt proud of
myself. I still don't know what I did wrong. I so wish my Master
had been there. I think after midnight I was on auto-pilot.
Things were happening to my body, I could hear sounds in the
room, people talking and laughing but I was out of it. I hadn't
stopped cumming for eight or more hours. It was a delicious,
exciting, erotic pleasure. I remember Mary sitting on my face and
I sucked her pussy till she screamed in a huge orgasm. Bill paid
me several visits in all my holes, more than once. Mary told me
he sometimes takes Viagra, I swear he must have that night.
That's all for now. I need a break.
Fuckdoll

Journal (and then)
Had a long lay-in on Sunday.. I never woke up till noon and then
found that I was still in the games room with Gordon. He is such
a nice man. I woke him up in the only way I know how and
swallowed my breakfast in bed. It took half an hour and I enjoyed
every second. It's true what they say about white girls tasting
black. He loved it and told me that he'd never been woken up like
that before. That pleased me a lot. I showered and made coffees.
Apart from Gordon there was only Mary and Bill still in the
house. I took them coffees in bed then snuggled down between
them. I love how tender they are to me. I was treated to a
massive orgasm by the two of them and I gave Bill a nice treat as
well. That was my second breakfast of the day. I'll get fat at
this rate and Master won't want me. Actually semen has 5 - 7
calories per load and some 200 to 500 million living sperm and
also contains fructose sugar, water, ascorbic acid (vitamin C),
citric acid, enzymes, protein, phosphate and bicarbonate buffers
(bases) and zinc. I looked it up. I kind of like the taste
anyway. Most of the time. Sometimes really old men taste a bit
sour, maybe it's been in their balls too long. It's a yellow
colour and thin. But I like pleasing old men. I get a lot of
pleasure from it myself and I know most of them had never done it
with someone as attractive and young as me. I'm sorry this sounds
vain. I'm not really. Truthfully I'm a lot more insecure than I
sound here. My biggest fear is losing my Master. Everyone got
showered and dressed and Bill took us out to the balcony
restaurant at John Lewis where he works. We had lunch and I
wanted to pay but Bill gets a discount because he works there. So
he paid. Gordon kept touching me and kissing me. I think he is in
love with me. He's single (divorced) and wants to see me for a
date, which is so sweet, I'm tempted. I told him all about Master
Ray and told him you wouldn't mind. I'm glad I wore jeans because
I had no knickers on and Gordon kept rubbing my crotch. I spread
my legs as wide as I could. It was nice to have his big black
fingers mauling me. I'd love to spend a night with him, just him.
I promised him that I'd shave his cock and balls and give him the
best oral massage he'd ever had.We all had to get back for
football on t .v. (yawn) Bolton and Manchester. I was given the
task of being the waitress. Mary found me some stockings and
suspenders. That was all I was allowed to wear. I had to serve
the cold beers. It got more fun after half-time when the colonel
came back with his driver/man servant and the three of us went
down to the games room. Bill, Mary and Gordon stayed and watched
the match. Downstairs the colonel rubbed some cream into my arse
which was nice of him as it still stung. The cream really helped.
His man spent some time tying me down on a bed under the
instructions of the colonel. He did an expert job. I've never
been tied as well. It never hurt at all and I couldn't move a
muscle. Then the driver bought in a long pole from their car.
While he was getting it the colonel very expertly rubbed my
clitoris until I started to leak and really got horny. The pole
had a double dildo on the end and after inserting the knobs in me
both my arse and pussy he fixed the other end to the bottom of
the bed somehow. There was someway that he could lengthen the
pole till it was right up inside me. It must have been big
because I was very stretched. The colonel just nodded to his
driver then and left the room. I knew the football was still on.
I could hear it. When he'd left the room the driver who was a man
aged about 60, maybe a bit younger than the colonel undressed and
just lay down on top of me. He started rubbing his body against
mine. He's quite fat and didn't smell to fresh either. It just
felt so weird. He had a small cock and he was erect. Then I
noticed that he had some kind of a full head, black leather, mask
thing. It had no eyeholes and a zip where the mouth was. Without
saying anything he pulled it over my head and suddenly I was in
darkness. It felt quite thrilling. Better even than being
blindfolded. I could breath through the zip and I have to say it
really turned me on. He was still lying naked on top of me
wiggling his body about and I could hear him making funny
grunting sounds. Then I realized he had cum on my belly. It felt
gross. I've never felt so violated. He got off and I felt him
wipe me clean with something. I still had on the stockings and
suspenders. Then I felt him playing with my clit. I didn't like
it at all. But my body still reacted and I couldn't help myself
cum and cum hard. My pussy and arse were clenching and
unclenching on the dildos stuck inside me. My orgasm seemed to go
on for ages. I was aware then that he'd left the room and I was
on my own.
Fuckdoll. (I love you Master)

Dear Journal (and then)
I heard the doorbell ring two or three times while I was laying
there and I heard voices. Men I'd not heard before. I could tell
that someone had entered the playroom but I couldn't move or see
or even hear very well. I felt hands on my body and someone was
just rubbing me all over. I think it was just one person. Then my
mouth zip was opened and I felt someone sitting on my chest. I
got very frightened because whoever it was seemed heavy. Then I
knew what was going to happen and a few seconds later I had a
cock in my mouth. I tried to move my head but couldn't so I just
used my tongue then he started to head fuck me. I thought the bed
might break he was going so hard. At first I was frightened and
didn't like it. After a few moments I started to enjoy the
feeling of utter helplessness. I don't know how long he took but
he filled my mouth with cum. He lay and let it soak while I tried
hard to milk the last drops. Then he left and I heard another man
come in. It was the weirdest sensation I have ever known. Total
vulnerability and defencelessness. I actually started to cum on
the dildo again. That was so bizarre. I was finally living one of
my dreams.Whoever came in next kept whispering things. He
sounded young. I'd guess in his teens... late teens I hope. This
really spooked me. He kept saying things like, "I'd love to fuck
your cunt". "Rip your arse open" Bite your tits off ... eat you
bitch" and loads of other stuff like that "cunt"... "slag"....
"whore" .... "cow". All the time his hands were all over me.
Pulling and pinching hard. Not in a loving way. I admit I got
even more frightened... but I just lay there thinking of you
Master and what you wanted from me. I thought this might be one
of your tests for me. (Was it?) He fucked my head and came in my
throat and it wasn't so nice as before, but at least he came
quickly. I struggled to breath. When he'd finally finished I was
pleased when he left and the next man came in. The next was much
more gentle and took absolutely ages before he filled my mouth.
Just as he finished I got terrible cramps in my left calf. It was
excruciating. I had a mouthful of cum and I screamed like a
lunatic. I swallowed half and sprayed the rest everywhere. I
couldn't move my legs because of the restraints so I stretched my
leg and went through the pain barrier. I heard Mary rush in
asking what was wrong. I'd stopped screaming and was gritting my
teeth together still in pain, but it was easing. That last man
doesn't know how lucky he was that it hadn't happened 5 minutes
earlier. I'd have bitten his cock off. I can laugh now but it
wasn't funny at the time. I explained to Mary what had happened
and she immediately took the mask off my face and started
releasing the ropes on my ankles, then the dildo thing and then
the handcuffs and helped me to stand. She called out up the
stairs that I'd just had cramps and that I'd be okay. I thought
to myself, "What a bunch of pricks, no one else had come down. I
could have been dying." Mary very kindly massaged my calf muscle
and gave me a glass of water. She thought I was dehydrated then I
realised I'd had hardly any liquids for 24 hours. She told me to
rest and left me after putting a duvet cover over me. I was tired
and I didn't feel 100%. I woke up at about 9pm to find that
everyone had gone. Mary had got rid of them. There was just her
and Bill and me. I had bought a bottle of Moet Chandon Champagne
from Waitrose, which we drank then we opened a bottle of Laurent
Perrier Rose that the colonel had bought. Trust him. We should
have drunk his good stuff first and my crap Champagne after it.
We live and learn. Anyway we had a lovely evening just the three
of us. I was sprawled quite tipsy in an armchair and just before
we went to bed Bill came over and lifted my legs up high and gave
my arse a lovely long fucking. I came at least three times. Mary
just sat and watched us. I can cum now from an arse fucking just
as often and as hard as a pussy fuck. Mary says she actually
prefers it in her arse. I knew Bill's cock had been in my arse
but I still cleaned it off for him with my mouth and spent quite
a long time doing it, but he didn't get hard again. Not then
anyway. I tottered up to bed and he fucked me once during the
night and in the morning I gave him a wake-up blow job. That was
the weekend over really. I got home without any panties on about
11am Monday and with a Champagne headache. I told my husband I'd
had a lovely quiet weekend. Sometimes I feel really guilty. I
remembered this blonde joke. This blonde rang up the doctor and
asked, "Doc, would you check if I left my panties behind in your
examination room?" The doctor looked around and said, "No,
they're not here." "Oh," replied the Blonde, "then I must have
left them at the dentist's." 
I'm arranging for cook to prepare steak and kidney pudding for us
tonight. My husband loves it. I'm going to be specially nice to
him from now on. He really is a dear man and I don't deserve
him.

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