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Message-ID: <57872asstr$1215771001@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Crimson Dragon <dcrimsonp@nym.borked.net>
Reply-To: dcrimson@yahoo.com
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Crimson Reviews - #051 - 10-Jul-2008
Lines: 455
Date: Fri, 11 Jul 2008 06:10:01 -0400
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d

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This instalment we explore bipolars, assault in a BMW, cold
ineptitude, one sexy poem, a travelling salesman, and a major
mid-life crisis.

We also visit Oosh, who hasn't posted here in years. I miss her,
too.

Please enjoy responsibly.

  - Crimson

   You're beside me on the seat,
   Got your hand between my knees,
   And you control how fast we go by just how hard you wanna squeeze,
   It's hard to steer when you're breathing in my ear,
   But I got both hands on the wheel
 							while you got both hands on my gears ...

 						-- Nickelback


+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only 
opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the 
stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author 
know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the 
wind.

  - Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson

Review Archives:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www

Thanks to Denny for checking over the reviews for obvious
bungles, though ultimately any errors herein are mine and mine 
alone.
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Story Summary:
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Quest for Paradise -- Richard Short
     (MF,mF cheat 1st)
     [10, 9, 8, 9]

Blew My Load In A Woman's Car!!! -- coinman1
     (MAST NC)
     [3, 1, 1, 1]

Cool Alex -- Yotna El'toub
     (M/F+)
     [9, 10, 9, 10]

Lavinia's List of Sexy Things -- Redbud
     (poem)
     [10, 10, 10]

Life, Seen from a Motel Room -- Stasya T. Canine
     (M solo rom nosex)
     [10, 10, 9, 10]

Waking -- Foxbat
     (Mf, weed, little sex)
     [10, 10, 10, 10]

Classic:
Till April -- Oosh
     (?FF)
     [10, 8, 10, 10]

Reviews:
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Quest for Paradise -- Richard Short
 	(MF,mF cheat 1st)

Jan meets Ron, her knight in shining armour, in college. After a
whirlwind romance, they decide to get married. Soon thereafter, Ron
is drafted and the couple is separated. Jan falls into the depths of
depression, but finds some solace in trysts until she can be with
Ron again.

Technically, this story is reasonably solid. No typos come to mind.
Very readable.

Now this is where I want to talk about purpose. Richard has written
an exposition that highlights the all too real issues surrounding
bipolar disorders and even delved a little into what might have
caused such. I believe that Richard has admirably captured the
essences of Jan's struggle with a depressive and lonely situation.

Having said that, I didn't connect with Richard's characters.
Richard showed me in amazing detail how Jan struggles with
depression. His supporting characters were not air-heads or simply
perfect bodies; in fact, all his characters were nicely flawed and
realistic in many ways. I still didn't connect with them -- usually
characters in these stories are sexually one-dimensional. Richard's
characters left me feeling as if his characters were one-dimensional
as well, but not sexually. Indeed, Richard went to great pains to
ensure that his characters weren't one-dimensional. I still felt
that way -- I suppose I felt drawn only to the flaws.

And here's why:

The story itself was one-dimensional. It was an exposition. As a
reviewer, and because of Richard's footnote explaining bipolar
symptoms, I think I understand Richard's purpose within the story.
As a reader, I confess that I didn't see it. The story, for me,
lacked purpose. I didn't understand from the story what Richard was
trying to tell me -- his message. The story showed me what Jan's
life was like as friends and lovers moved in and out, and on its
own, that certainly has value. However, for me, and with a story of
this length and the obvious passion of the author, I was expecting
more. I was expecting Richard to show me something more meaningful
than what may have caused Jan's descent into depression or her
eventual surfacing from it due to the return of her husband. I was
waiting for Jan to resolve her inner conflicts, show some inner
strength, to make some step in the right direction to help herself,
to feel some true remorse or regret for her behaviour, to actively
consider what her actions might mean for her marriage, for some
supporting character to step in and help her instead of simply
taking advantage of her. Something that would help me make sense of
the wonderful exposition that Richard spun here -- a true
denouement.

I believe, knowing something about depression, that Richard was
trying to make the point that while in a depressive state that it is
difficult if not impossible to resolve things, but even that wasn't
clear.

These reviews are not only to benefit the readers. One of my main
purposes in writing them is to try and provide constructive feedback
to the authors, which is often sorely lacking in this forum. My
suggestions above are meant mostly for Richard and are meant in the
spirit of improvement -- and I believe that he will see them,
especially in this case.

For the readers: this story is well written and a worthy read. The
characters are well formed, kept my attention, and I certainly
recommend the story. It is significantly different than the majority
of the text on the newsgroup, and it is a departure from Richard's
normal style. We grow that way as authors and I admire the effort
that Richard has made with this piece. I think most readers will
also appreciate the effort.

With a little shift in focus to more clearly define the purpose,
this story would easily have garnered quad-tens. Richard should be
proud of this story.


Technical       :   10
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :    8
Crimson         :    9

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57741

Author's site (if posted):
Not posted.

Posted To ASSM: Sat, 14 Jun 2008

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Blew My Load In A Woman's Car!!! -- coinman1
 	(MAST NC)

(I'm not sure why I'm including this in the reviews ...)

Our narrator is compulsive. He feels an inexplicable need to spread
his seed on women in whatever way possible. He's out looking for a
victim at the local grocery store, but is unable to approach her
there. Instead, he whips it out in the parking lot and drenches her
steering wheel. Then he retreats and watches for the inevitable
reaction.

Direct quote:
   [I know...I'm a pig...]

... and a coward ... and strike out regularly with members of the
opposite sex ...

I try my best to separate character and author, but in this case it
is mighty difficult. Either way, I can't say I disagree with at
least the "pig" sentiment.

Poorly written. Zero plot. Zero character. This will only be of
minimal value to a tiny subset of readers that have a similar fetish
of assault. Unless, of course, you feel like smirking about the
sheer stupidity displayed in this one.

Give this one a wide berth. I'm sorry that I didn't.


Technical       :    3
Eros            :    1
Character/Plot  :    1
Crimson         :    1

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57790

Author's site (if posted):
Not posted.

Posted To ASSM: Thu, 19 Jun 2008

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Cool Alex -- Yotna El'toub
 	(M/F+)

Alexander, the writer, sets out to prove himself by spending the
solstice in, of all places, Antarctica. Needless to say, Summer
Solstice as experienced in the northern hemisphere is not as much
entertainment as one might hope, way down at the opposite end of the
planet. Alexander is not popular with his travel mates, but he's
brought along his own entertainment and with all the seclusion,
perhaps it gets away from him -- just a little.

This is a fun, short piece. OK, so it's not particularly deep or
meaningful, but it certainly beats the hell out of sneaking up on
women in a grocery store with a syringe full of semen. No, Alexander
might be a perv, but at least he's suffering for it.

I liked the light atmosphere, the unusual setting, and the obvious
and devious pleasure with which Yotna spun his tale of a lonely life
in perhaps the most secluded place on earth. It had a certain sexy
charm, too.

And at solstice, no less.

Definitely worth a read.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    9
Crimson         :   10

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57790

Author's site (if posted):
Not posted.

Posted To ASSM: Sun, 22 Jun 2008

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Lavinia's List of Sexy Things -- Redbud
 	(poem)

Normally, I don't do poems, but Denny mentioned that this one might
be something that I should take a look at. With trembling talons, I
grabbed it and pushed it into the reviewing queue.

"Cream?" he asked her.

OK. So it's not directly about sex. But then again it sooo is.

It takes talent to weave any writing into the metaphorical
brilliance that Redbud posted. I loved the innuendo, interlacing and
the cadence of the writing. Very effective. Very unique.

Loved it.

If you read nothing else, track down "Lavinia's List of Sexy Things"
and enjoy.


Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   NA
Crimson         :   10

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57696

Author's site (if posted):
Not posted.

Posted To ASSM: Wed, 04 Jun 2008

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Life, Seen from a Motel Room -- Stasya T. Canine
 	(M solo rom nosex)

Well, I've wanted to review a Stasya piece for a while, but to be
honest, furry stories aren't my thing and I don't think I could be
fair. So when a story that was not coded furry popped up, I grabbed
it. Then my dragon heart sank: M solo. <sigh>

So then, what is this doing in the Reviews?

I'll tell you what it's doing in the Reviews:

So our narrator is away from home. Far away. In a motel room by
himself, separated from his one true love by miles and miles. But
as he remembers her presence and touch, he feels close to her and
knows that soon, they will be reunited.

This story appears to have been written for some sort of song
challenge, meaning, presumably, that the story should interpret
and/or follow a song. Stasya chose "Ocean's Away". Personally, I
don't know the song, but it appears to have had an impact on our
author, and that is really what's important. Knowing the song, or
indeed its inclusion in the story, is somewhat superfluous. The
story stands well enough on its own without the musical context.

This is not a typical male masturbation tale. There is much more
(and less) to it. Thanks, Stasya.


Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    9
Crimson         :   10

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57724

Author's site (if posted):
Not posted.

Posted To ASSM: Wed, 11 Jun 2008

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Waking -- Foxbat
 	(Mf, weed, little sex)

I'm going to preface this review with an apology. I passed over this
story last month because of its codes. I was concerned about the "f"
code and I'd interpreted the "little sex" as pedo-type "little".
Denny brought to my attention that this *might* not be the case with
this one, and he's rarely wrong about such things. So, I apologise
to Foxbat and readers in general of the Reviews. I should have
caught this one a month ago. Oh well. Hopefully the wait only makes
it sweeter.

So our narrator, let's call him "Todd", is a washed up high school
teacher, drifting through life. His wife has left him and for a
while, he wallows in self pity and possibly depression. But then
Helena wanders through his life toting a re-rolled blunt and the
philosophy of a typical high-school girl. Todd wakes up, coming to
life in perhaps the most spectacular mid-life crisis since American
Beauty.

OK. There were some technical gaffes -- this story still deserves a
10 score for technical, because Foxbat wrote such a compelling tale
that the very minor typos did not manage to jar me out of the story.
Not even a little bit. Most readers won't even notice 'em.

OK. So there is "little sex" in the story. Who cares? Sex does not
need to be described in minute detail to be erotic or sexy. This
story is both. *I* want Helena and I'm not a balding 50-something
washed up high school history teacher.

I can't say I agree with all the messages that Foxbat presented in
this tale, but that isn't necessary to fully enjoy the story and the
writing. The characters were rich. The story had purpose and poise
and a dry humour.

What more can a reviewing Dragon ask for?

Go back a month, download this story and read it.


Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57652

Author's site (if posted):
Not posted.

Posted To ASSM: Sun, 25 May 2008

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Till April -- Oosh
 	(?FF)

We continue our journey into the past writers of ASSM with a quick
look at one of my favourite authors: Oosh. This story was posted
about eight years ago with a review request. Celeste was probably
still active back then, so she may have reviewed the story. I'm sure
Denny will provide a copy if she did. Otherwise, it may be eight
years late, but I'll give it a shot. Besides, I managed to read an
Oosh story that I'd never read before, and that, by itself, makes it
all worthwhile.

<Denny here. Unfortunately, this one was posted just at the time
Celeste started a 3 1/2 month break from reviewing. Far's I can
tell, she didn't add it in when she got back to 'work'. Unlucky.>

Joyce arrives at a girls-night-out dinner gathering taking the last
chair beside Linda. As with most gatherings of friends that haven't
seen each other in years, conversation is a little strained and
awkward, but Joyce, in particular, seems distracted and distant. The
evening progresses slowly, achingly slowly, until Oosh reveals her
purpose. Or does she?

I like Oosh's writing because it flows like a river, carrying the
reader along and revealing the story at Oosh's pace -- and there
isn't a thing that we can do about it, nor would we want to. I love
her characters and characterisations. And while this piece is not
one of my favourites by Oosh, it has a certain mysterious charm and
makes the reader wonder what just happened. And, while not
particularly prevalent in this writing, when Oosh falls into
descriptions and settings, there are few that can match her.

Don't expect a lot of sex in this one, but that doesn't mean that it
isn't sexy in its own way.

Certainly worth a look.


Technical       :   10
Eros            :    8
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/24509

Author's site (if posted):
Unknown

Posted To ASSM: Mon, 5 Jun 2000

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========================================================================
Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson
========================================================================

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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