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Message-ID: <57322asstr$1203513002@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Crimson Dragon <dcrimsonp@nym.borked.net>
Reply-To: dcrimson@yahoo.com
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} {Reviews} Crimson Reviews - #047 - 19-Feb-2008
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Date: Wed, 20 Feb 2008 08:10:02 -0500
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d
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I happened to pick up a few stories last week while between
writing stories (watch out for "Tawdry" coming to a newsgroup
near you ...)

This week we visit robotic lovers, dominant lovers, chat room lovers,
and past lovers.

   - Crimson

"Has no one told you she's not breathing?
   Hello"
          -- Evanescence

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The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only 
opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the 
stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author 
know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the 
wind.

   - Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson

Review Archives:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www

Thanks to Denny for checking over the reviews for obvious
bungles, though ultimately any errors herein are mine and mine 
alone.
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Story Summary:
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Cyberwhore -- Bradley Stoke
      (MF)
      [10, 10, 10, 10]

Mr. Anderson's First Lesson -- Lance Mertz
      (MF, bdsm (light), rom?)
      [7, 8, 5, 5]

Fifth Date -- Assymetry
      (MF, con, impreg?)
      [9, 8, 6, 5]

Generalized Smut -- kittykitty
      (M/f oral)
      [10, 10, 10, 10]


Reviews:
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Cyberwhore -- Bradley Stoke
      (MF)

Alone, millions of miles from home, Kevin finds himself desperate
for companionship. And sometimes, when one is desperate enough,
one can deceive oneself into seeing something that isn't there.
Only unlike most prostitutes, Sindy is ready and willing to do
anything -- well almost anything. Some things are beyond even Sindy's
capabilities with her perfect breasts, her insatiable sexual drive,
long tanned legs and willing mouth. And Kevin needs to learn this
the hard way.

Way back, when I was reviewing more regularly, sometimes I worried
that Bradley's focus wandered -- touching on many issues, all worthy
- -- but ultimately distracting to the reader. In Cyberwhore, Bradley
chose a focus and flowed languidly from presentation to the
inevitable conclusion. This is not necessarily a happy, Hollywood
story, no siree, but it is satisfying in a way that many erotic
stories in this forum lack. It has character, growth, plot and
atmosphere -- a true story.

I'll admit that I found slim choices on the newsgroup suitable for
my style of review. I'll admit to a smile when I stumbled across a
Bradley Stoke story to start off a probably short lived review
revival.

This story is certainly worth reading. If you are looking for 
decent fiction amongst the chaff -- grab this one.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57257

Author's site (if posted):
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Bradley_Stoke/www

Posted To ASSM: Mon,  4 Feb 2008

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Mr. Anderson's First Lesson -- Lance Mertz
      (MF, bdsm (light), rom?)

An anonymous girl finds herself having sex with a man, identified as
Mr. Anderson (most of the time). Sometime during their encounter,
she finds herself being dominated, complete with cuffs and nipple
clamps. And she thinks she likes it.

My biggest concern with this piece is its purpose. I think Lance was
trying to portray the feelings that the girl experienced as she
realised that she was enjoying a kinky encounter -- the virginal
BDSM experience. I'm not sure it worked. For me, there were too many
cliched dialogues ("What do you want?", "Please fuck me!"), even
down to the supposedly caring, semi-emotional discourse that ended
the piece.

There's nothing new here and there is not enough depth to the characters
for me to identify with the emotional impact that Lance is admirably
trying for. For me, this was more of a scene than a story. I'm not
sure what Lance was trying to tell me through this writing.

Technically, the piece is reasonably well written. Some sentences
run on. There are a few careless spelling errors but I think that
Lance probably fired this through a spell checker before making the
final edits.  The grammar slips a little from time to time.  I would
have been tempted, in this medium, to reduce the line length a
little -- some lines do run off an 80 character screen and that is
distracting for some readers.

I guess the worst technical gaffe: who exactly is "Mr. Andrews"?

For those of you looking for a stroke and find light domination
engaging, you may find my Eros score presented below a little low. 
For everyone else, it may be high.

Now, character and plot. There is no plot to speak of, and the only
character I saw was the girl discovering a latent desire for D/S. For
me that isn't enough, but at least there is an attempt at character.
A little more background and a little more atmosphere, perhaps a little
less concentration on the sexual mechanics would raise the score
below.

What I will say: Lance does provide a decent framework for a teacher/student
relationship. Even before the D/S component, I had the feeling that the
girl and her lover were student/teacher outside the sex, even though it
was never explicitly confirmed. I think that was Lance's intent, and if
so, that element certainly succeeded.

Technical       :   7
Eros            :   8
Character/Plot  :   5
Crimson         :   5

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57281

Author's site (if posted):
N/A

Posted To ASSM: Sun, 10 Feb 2008

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Fifth Date -- Assymetry
      (MF, con, impreg?)

Allie is one horny girl, but she has her principles. When her
younger boyfriend leaves her unsatisfied, she turns to the 'ole
Internet and that mainstay of cybersex, chatrooms. She might be the
only flesh and blood female in there, but at least she is relatively
safe and gets what she needs, even if it's her own fingers doing the
walking. Then along comes Jeff, the opposite to what one might
expect in chatrooms -- an honest, handsome guy that speaks to her
frankly and doesn't disguise who he is. Jeff is older than Allie,
perhaps double her age, but they get along famously online and
appear to share many interests, including sex. Allie is puzzled,
when they finally agree to meet, when it takes Jeff five dates
before they move what was cyber to real life.

Now, I'll admit that this particular genre isn't one of my
favourites. When much of the story, character and plot focuses on an
impregnating fetish -- I find it a bit of a turn-off. Worse, the age
gap, while appealing to many, does absolutely nothing for me.
Despite the assurance by Allie, in the story, that this was not
Daddy-sex, I couldn't get past the suggestion, and for me: ewwwwww.
I found the sex scenes over-described, long, and they seemed to be
the only raison d'etre of the piece overall, which is fine if that's
what you are looking for, but at least in a reviewing sense, I was
looking for more. So ... take the Eros score below in context.  For
those of you that find the thought of impregnation by a much older
man a vital part of arousal, this story may have a lot more appeal
than it did for me.

Technically, the story is reasonably well written. I'd caution
Assymtry to watch verb tenses. There were a few sentences that read
awkwardly.  Spelling, for the most part, was accurate and readable.
Assymtry obviously used a spell checker and read over the story before
submitting it. The dialogue and the denouement were a little weak.

The plot and character were a bit weak, too. Allie's character was
mostly one dimensional -- we really only discover her sexual
preferences and fetishes. While I think the intent was to portray
Jeff as a gentle and caring older lover, I couldn't quite believe
it. I still felt that Jeff was taking advantage of Allie's
inexperience and horniness for his own ends. Waiting for the
fifth date does not a gentleman make -- at least not on its own.

Overall, the style of the piece was engaging and was certainly
readable. For me, it didn't work, but you should really make your
own decision, especially if you like stroke combined with an
impregnation fetish.

Technical       :   9
Eros            :   8
Character/Plot  :   6
Crimson         :   5

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57275

Author's site (if posted):
N/A

Posted To ASSM: Sat, 09 Feb 2008

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Generalized Smut -- kittykitty
      (M/f oral)

OK. I have no idea how to characterise this short piece. It is
written in an unusual voice, akin to rambling thought. Nominally, it
is about a girl describing a sexual encounter or two with a man
that she worked with in a haunted house.

But this piece is so much more than that. It has a raw honesty and
energy that is compelling and different.

So the prose isn't conventional -- normally I'd be bitching about
strange grammar, difficult sentence structure, and unnecessary
parenthesis.  But I'm not going to. The author knew exactly what she
was doing here and the style was remarkably effective. Sometimes,
writers need to break the rules to ensure that the message is
delivered. And that is exactly what happened here. How do you mark
down something that works?

KittyKitty has written a different piece here -- it is something
new, original and exciting. I want more.

Technical       :  10
Eros            :  10
Character/Plot  :  10
Crimson         :  10

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57272

Author's site (if posted):
N/A

Posted To ASSM: Sat, 09 Feb 2008

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