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Subject: {ASSM} Her Mother's Daughter Ch.01 by Rachael Ross (f/MF+, Incest, Rom, 
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Mother's Little Helper II
Copyright 2007 Evil Little Sister Heavy Industries all rights
reserved. Intended for Adults Only.
Story Codes: (This Chapter) Teen Angst, No Sex
Synopsis: Fifteen year old Amy is a young woman alienated from her
suburban family by the pressures of growing up. When her mother
suddenly abandons the family, Amy's life is turned upside down as she
must somehow fill her mother's role and help her father care for Amy's
younger brother and sister.
Note: This story is the continuation of "Mother's Little Helper" and
begins roughly with events described in Chapter 4 of MLH. You should
read that story before starting this one.

Her Mother's Daughter
Fiction by Evil Little Sister

Chapter One


"Mom's not back." I said and it wasn't a question.

My dad just frowned at me and he looked like he hadn't slept all
night. The last two nights, I should say, since mom had left Saturday
afternoon and it was Monday morning now. He'd called everyone, but the
only one who had seen her was Stacy and that had been at a dance club
downtown, sometime before midnight. Stacy had mom's purse though and
she was going to bring it by on her way to work.

"Yeah, so just, stay close to the phone, okay?" Dad looked at me
closely. "I really need you, Amy."

"I know." I nodded. "I'm okay, we're fine."

"Okay, um...I'll call later, alright?" Dad was stressing and I was
staying home from school because someone had to watch Jilly and be
here when JJ got home. In case mom came home.

"Okay dad." I agreed. "She's gonna come back."

"Yeah, I know." He said, trying to sound optimistic, but it was tough.
The police wouldn't even take a missing persons report for 72 hours.

"You're going to be late." I said, giving daddy a kiss on the cheek
and that was the first one I'd given him in a long time, he almost
looked surprised by it.

"You know I love you, right?" He said, his soft brown eyes looking
into mine and I nodded.

"Yeah, I love you too, daddy." I told him.

"Okay." He took a breath. "I just have to wrap some work up and...A
couple days, that's all. I'll take some time off and..."

"I know." I said because we'd already talked about this.

He just needed to work a couple days and then he could take a week off
or so, and straighten all this out, or at least arrange for a real
babysitter. My grades weren't that hot to begin with and missing even
a few days of school, well, he didn't like it.

"Okay, I'm gonna be late." He smiled weakly and kissed my cheek,
surprising me and I gave him a real smile then.

He wasn't that bad of a guy, I realized. I mean didn't hate him, even
though I thought I did sometimes. It was just, I don't know, dad was
always working or spending his time with my brother. He just never
talked to me anymore, not like he used to. But now that mom was gone,
he did. Daddy had talked to me a lot, about him and mom and what was
going on with our family. It was serious talk, adult talk, and he'd
made me feel important for the first time in my life, like I wasn't a
kid anymore and I liked it.

I sorta almost wished mom would stay gone, just so dad would keep
talking to me like that.

We needed her back though, I knew that. Jilly had cried all night,
waking up like four times and looking for her mommy. She'd ended up
sleeping with me in my bed and that was okay. I liked Jilly. JJ was a
total brat, of course, he'd decided since mom wasn't around he could
whatever he wanted. That was my dad's fault for never laying down the
law with the boy. Everytime I told him to do something, or more often
to stop doing something, JJ would just tell me I wasn't his mom and
ignore me.

I was ready to beat the little dork up, but dad had promised to talk
to him and he was almost acting a little better.

I got daddy off to work anyway, and JJ made his bus on time, which was
sort of a miracle and only because the bus was running late thank God,
or I woulda been stuck with him all day. Jilly wasn't going to her
preschool, of course, and so after I fed her and then got her cleaned
up she was happy to color for awhile. Every now and then she'd look up
though, like if a car drove by or whatever, expecting mommy to come
through the door and when it didn't happen she'd be unhappy. All I
could do was keep my baby sister close and try to keep her busy.

I had my own problems anyway though, cause the phone rang just after a
few minutes after eight. I had it on the first ring in case it was
mom.

"Hey, Amy...What are you doin?" It was Greg.

"I'm cleaning the kitchen, what are you doing?" I frowned.

"I waited for you, but you didn't show." He said, meaning my ride to
school. "What's the deal, you sick or something?"

"No." I sighed. "My mom kinda disappeared so I have to watch Jilly."

"Disappeared?" Greg laughed like that was funny. He was such an ass.

"Yeah, I dunno." I said. "She might call though, so I gotta hang up."

"Wait, hold on..."

"What?" I asked impatiently.

"So you're like home all alone there?"

"Noooo...Jilly's here, remember?"

"Well, yeah, but she don't count." Greg laughed. "I'm gonna come
over."

"What? No way!" I said.

"Yeah way." He told me. "I'm at the Seven-Eleven right now. I'll be
there in three minutes."

"Greg, no. If you come here and we get caught, I'm gonna be dead!"

"Who's gonna catch you?" He asked. "Nobody! So I'm coming. I'll help
you babysit and stuff."

"And stuff?" I rolled my eyes and just then the doorbell was ringing.

"Mommy!" Jilly was already up and I chased her.

"I gotta go." I said. "Don't come over! I mean it!"

I hung up the phone and Jilly was trying to open the front door, but
it was locked anyway. I looked out the window and it was Stacy.

"It's not mommy, honey." I said, picking up my little sister and then
opening the door.

"Amy...Hey. Hi Jilly." Stacy smiled, a little sheepishly because she'd
been the last one to see my mom and that was at a club.

"Aunt Stacy!" Jilly was happy though and Stacy was stepping in.

"Hi." I said and then answered the woman's unspoken question. "No, not
a word."

"Shoot." She looked unhappy at that. "Well, I have her purse anyway.
Did you fill out a missing persons thing?"

"Uh, tonight I think?" I took the purse, shifting Jilly cause she was
heavy for being so little. "They said we have to wait three days."

"If they need me, you know, for information or whatever, just call me
alright?" Stacy said. "And if you need anything else, anything at all,
I'll do whatever I can for you guys."

"Yeah, okay." I nodded. "Thanks, Stacy."

"Give me a kiss, munchkin." Stacy smiled at Jilly and she gave my
sister a wet smack on the lips. "I gotta run, I'm late. Stupid
Mondays. Just...Call me, okay? If you hear something?"

"Yeah, I will." I said, holding up the purse. "Thanks."

"Where's mommy?" Jilly asked me, looking at the purse cause she knew
it belonged to mom and that wasn't something mommy would leave behind.

"I don't know, Jilly." I said. "But she's gotta be close right? Mommy
needs her purse, doesn't she?"

"Yeah." Jilly agreed.

"Come on, you can watch some Blue's Clues...You like Blue?" I asked
knowing she did and she had a whole DVD full of the cartoon dog.

"Nemo!" Jilly said and I wondered why she picked that.

"You want Finding Nemo?" I asked and my sister nodded her pretty
blonde head seriously.

"Okay."

I made Greg wait at the back door for ten minutes while I set up the
movie and got Jilly comfortable in front of the television. At least
he had the sense not to park in the driveway in case my mom did come
back, or my dad, if he happened to get off work unexpectedly. I'd have
been in so much trouble it wouldn't have been funny. They didn't even
know I had a boyfriend, except mom had found my birth control pills,
so they probably figured I did.

I dropped mom's purse on the counter and opened the door. Greg was
happy, of course, he thought it was some kind of holiday, me and him
all alone in the house. He brushed some unruly brown hair back from
his hazel eyes, giving me his best rogue smile, like he was young
Indiana Jones or something. He was cute, but such a bonehead usually.
Like coming over to my house when I told him not to.

"You can't stay." I said. "My mom could come home like any second."

"And maybe she won't." He grinned. "Come on, shit. I didn't see you
all weekend. I heard you got busted at the mall."

"What?" I figured that would get out and I felt myself getting hot all
over.

"That true? Oh man! What were you doing?" He asked, coming in and
closing the door behind him.

"Nothing." I said. "I don't wanna talk about it, okay?"

"You stealing something?"

"I said I don't wanna talk about it." I turned away from him. "I gotta
clean up."

"Yeah, okay. That's pretty cool though." He chuckled. "Like my
girlfriend's a criminal."

"Shut up." I frowned. "I'm not gonna be your girlfriend if you're
gonna be an asshole."

"Aw, come on, Amy." He was trying to hug me. "I'm sorry, I was just
funnin with you."

"My mom's missing, okay?" I said, shrugging out of his arms and
grabbing dirty dishes off the kitchen table. "I'm not like in a great
mood right now."

"That's why I'm here!" He was holding me again and I felt his chest
against my back, his mouth close to my left ear.

"Why? To bug me?" I asked sarcastically and I wished I was wearing
real clothes. I just had a big sleepy-t and a pair of cut-off shorts
on.

"No! I'm gonna cheer you up!" His hands were on my tummy, rubbing me
gently, but tightly too, definitely, and I squirmed a little, but Greg
wasn't letting go.

"Stop." I warned him.

"Come on...It's cool..." He whispered and I tilted my head in annoyance as
he licked my ear.

"Stop it! God! What's wrong with you?" I asked, almost dropping the
cereal bowls I was holding.

"Nothings wrong with me." He said and I knew he was getting unhappy.
"What's wrong with you? Everytime I wanna get close you..."

"I don't wanna get close right now, okay?" I sighed.

"...just pushin me away." He continued. "I love you, Amy."

"Oh God." I pulled free of him, finally. "Don't say that stuff,
alright?"

"Why not?" He asked, watching me put the dishes in the sink. "It's
true."

"I don't love you, okay?" I told him.

"Why not?" He blinked at me like this was a complete surprise to him.

"Cause I don't!" I laughed. "I'm fifteen, okay? I'm not gonna love
anybody."

"Shit." He frowned at me. "You got another boyfriend, huh?"

"What? No!" I shook my head. "I'm just not into it right now, okay?
Jilly's in the other room, right? I'm not gonna fool around."

"Fine, whatever then." He shrugged. "Just be that way."

"Greg..." I sighed.

"No it's cool, you don't like me. Fine." He was leaving. "I'll see ya
round. I don't need no criminal for a girlfriend anyway."

"Aw, fuck you." I stared at him.

"Yeah!" He stuck his tongue out with a grin. "You did, remember?"

He left then, which was a good thing too or I might have tried to stab
him with a fork or something. What a jerk! All those guys were like
that too, you know? Like teenage boys, all they ever wanted was sex
all the time. It didn't matter what was going on, so long as they
could make out and get their hard little dicks played with. Fuck him!
I didn't need Greg anyway and I could get a boyfriend, a real one too
that knew how a girl feels inside and not just outside. An older guy
like my dad, cause he'd been really cool the last couple days. Like I
saw a side of the man I'd never seen before, you know? Mom was lucky
to have him probably, and wherever she was and whoever she was with, I
hope she missed her husband bad.

Those were kind of weird thoughts to have and I wondered where they
came from while I cleaned the kitchen. I mean, mom probably wasn't
really with another guy, was she? I didn't know, but maybe. If she was
at a club Saturday night, she wasn't there for bible study. Especially
if she was there with Stacy cause that woman didn't try to hide what
she was at all, and that was a slut. Maybe it isn't nice to say, but I
knew what was going on and anyone who had like five or six different
guys in her bed in a month, what other word was there? Whore maybe, I
dunno. Stacy liked to brag too, when she thought it was just her and
mom talking, but I'd overheard her before. Stacy was like a teenage
boy in a 30 year old woman's body and I'd never really trusted her.
She just seemed sorta...Fake. Or something.

And thinking about my dad, well not really him specifically, but a guy
like my dad...That would be a pretty good boyfriend maybe. So long as I
got some attention. Daddy had given me a lot since Saturday afternoon
and he hadn't gone off about the shoplifting. I'd said I was sorry and
wouldn't do it again and that was all he needed. Of course he was
sorta busy worrying about other things too, but I really did get to
see some real fatherhood from him. He listened and talked to me and
that was just cool. He loved my mom, that was obvious, and he was
blaming himself and wondering what he did wrong and all that. I felt
sorry for him. If mom was fucking around on my dad, I hoped she'd get
like six diseases and die, I swear, cause he was suffering and I loved
my dad a lot more than I loved her.

But after thinking that, I felt bad because maybe my mom wasn't off
cheating. She might be in trouble. Kidnapped by some pervert and
locked in a basement, you know? Or in the trunk of a car and driving
halfway across the country by now. All the bad thoughts, all those
stupid movies I'd seen and the stories I'd heard, they were all
scaring me then and I was crying a little, thinking I shouldn't ever
think anything bad about my mom cause I did love her. The last time
I'd seen her she'd slapped me and that made me really sad.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"Ahhhh..." I giggled when I was cleaning my mom and dad's bedroom.

I opened the nightstand on my mom's side of the bed and there were my
birth control pills, and my thong too, right there. I popped two of
the pills right away cause that's what they said to do if you missed a
day, but if you missed more than a day you had to take one and like
wait a week or something. I forget. So I took two pills and I was back
where I should be, except now I didn't have a boyfriend. Still, better
safe than sorry and if I went off the pill, then I'd have to wait like
a full cycle to go back on and yada yada ya...Birth control was a pain
in the butt.

I wondered if daddy knew my pills were there and if I could take them
back, or if I should just leave them. I took them back after a minute
of thinking about it and if daddy asked, well, I'd deal with it. I
didn't really think my dad would want to get too involved with it
anyway, just because he was a man and all the girl stuff had been left
up to my mother to explain to me, which was normal, I suppose. Daddy
would explain the birds and bees to JJ when he got older and probably
buy the boy a box of condoms for his sixteenth birthday. Isn't that
what daddies do? I was giggling to myself and feeling happy for the
first time since Greg had left.

I cleaned all the bedrooms and it wasn't a big deal. I hated cleaning,
as a general rule. I mean I liked having a clean house, and I really
didn't mind helping out, but the nagging! That was the thing. If my
mom just didn't nag and bitch so much, I'd probably help her a lot
more than I did. But she acted like it was all her and nobody else
ever did anything but make messes. I hated that and if she said to do
something and you waited five minutes, oh man! She was gonna go crazy,
especially lately. Her temper was wicked the last week or so and I had
no idea why. Nobody else was any different, just mom.

The phone rang at ten and it was dad, checking up on me, but not cause
he didn't trust me. Any other time and I would have been a little mad
about it, but now I wasn't. He'd talked to me and so I understood it
and I'd been waiting for it, actually, feeling sorta lonely even with
Jilly there.

"Hi Daddy." I answered at the sound of his voice.

"What are you doing? Any problems?" He asked.

"No. I was just cleaning up the house. Jilly's watching Nemo, it's
almost done now."

"You're cleaning the house?" He chuckled softly, teasing me and I
giggled.

"Yeah, so? I know how to clean."

"Okay, well...Good. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, dad." I laughed. "I live here too."

"Yeah, I know, it's just..." He sighed. "Anything else happen?"

"No." I frowned, knowing he was asking about mom. "Stacy brought her
purse by, that was it."

"Oh, right." Dad seemed to think about that. "I guess, um, when we
file the report the police will want to look at it."

"They will?" I hadn't thought about it, but I guessed that would make
sense. Maybe there was like a clue in there or something.

"Yeah, probably...Oh...Uh, I gotta go, baby." Daddy said apologetically.
"I'll call this afternoon, okay?"

"Okay daddy." I nodded into the phone. "I love you."

"I love you too, Amy. Bye-bye." Dad said, hanging up the phone a few
seconds later.

I went into the living room and the movie was about done, so I sat
down with Jilly, holding her in my lap and we watched Nemo get found
together. It was a happy ending and I think Jilly wanted to go look
for her mommy like Nemo's dad did, but I told her mommy was gonna call
maybe, so we had to stay by the phone. It kinda sucked telling her
that because she looked at the front door every five minutes and she
was smart, but most three year olds are. Smarter than we think they
are anyway.

"You want some snack?" I asked her and Jilly nodded. "What do you
want?"

"Puddin!" She grinned, like I wouldn't have guessed that. She ate like
three Snack Packs a day or something and probably that was too much,
but it says it's made with real milk, so who knows?

I set her up in the kitchen with the little plastic cup the stuff
comes in, her favorite spoon, the one with pink Minnie Mouse on the
handle, and Jilly was content for a few minutes anyway. I was looking
at mom's purse on the counter and wondering if I should look in it or
not. I mean I'd gone through her purse before, you know, when I needed
a little money, or some lipstick maybe. But now...What if the police
needed fingerprints out of it or something? I could like destroy
evidence maybe.

I had to think about it for almost five minutes before I decided I
better not look. I'd let daddy decide what to do with the purse and if
the police should open it or whatever. I just frowned at it mostly.

After lunch though, I was looking at it again. I'd put Jilly down for
her nap and cleaned up after our soup and sandwiches, and even thrown
some clothes in the washer. I was getting kinda good at this
housekeeping thing and that made me laugh. Mom wouldn't ever believe
it, me doing laundry without being told to do it like three times. I
was though and it didn't bother me at all.

But that purse did and maybe it's just because I'm a girl and girls
are naturally curious, but I wanted to see what was in it. Just a
peek, you know, like if there was anything weird or out of the
ordinary. A motel room key or something, you know? Something
incriminating, that's what I was expecting, and even hoping for. That
sounds bad maybe, but think about it. If my mom was just shacked up
with some old boyfriend in a love motel someplace, she wouldn't be
like tied up in some guy's basement, would she? I'd rather be pissed
off at my mom, than...Well, you know. The other things that I might
feel.

I opened my mom's purse on the kitchen table, unzipping it slowly and
the house was so quiet. There wasn't even much traffic outside, hardly
any because everybody in suburbia left suburbia during a normal
weekday. It was like being in a ghost town and I wondered if mom ever
got lonely. She must have, I thought, it would sorta drive you crazy
after awhile and...

I didn't see anything weird. Just her usual stuff. Wallet, brush, keys...
The mini-van was still at Stacy's house, of course. Her makeup was in
there, some coupons, some other junk. A roll of Certs. Nothing out of
the ordinary at all. I opened the zippers inside and the one pocket
just had loose change in it, some safety pins and a rubber band. The
other one...

That was kind of weird and I blinked, seeing like a small baggie
twisty tied up with sugar in it, or flour or something. Baby powder
maybe? There wasn't very much, like a small pile the size of my thumb
and I picked it up, looking at it. There were pills too, in another
bag, just three...four of them, like medicine, green and white ones. I
didn't think my mom took any pills, just some vitamins, that was all
and they were in the kitchen anyway. They weren't green and white
either. I put the pills on the table too and there was a folded piece
of paper, one of the ones from the little kitty cat memo pad next to
the phone and it said "Gary" on it with an address and nothing else.
But it was in there with the pills and the powder and I thought I
could guess what that powder was, maybe.

That stuff was drugs too, I was sure of it, and either cocaine or
heroine probably. I mean, I'm no expert, but I saw Pulp Fiction like
ten times and this looked just like the drugs in that movie, except
there was less of it. What else would it be? Mom wasn't gonna carry
around a baggy full of powdered milk! Mom was using drugs? And what
were the pills for? Was she like sick? Was she insane and the doctor
gave her those pills but she didn't tell anyone? She would have told
dad though and dad would have told me, I was sure of it. Of course he
would have. Those weren't prescription pills, or at least not my mom's
prescription. That's what I was thinking and it was giving me a
headache.

I felt my heart thumping and I was scared for real then. Mom was using
drugs. Or what if...She was a drug dealer? Maybe she was selling drugs,
cause I couldn't picture my mom taking drugs, get real. She'd never do
that, not in a million years. But would she like sell some? Just to
her friends or whatever? That was way out there! My mom the drug
dealer, no way. Stacy, maybe, I could at least see that woman doing
some drugs with some guy she'd just met, but mom? No. It could be
Stacy's drugs though, that almost made some sense, like Stacy had
stashed it or asked my mom to hold it, you know, and then forgot about
it or something.

Yeah right. Who's gonna forget they have drugs? Nobody. And if Stacy
was a druggie and she knew about the drugs in mom's purse, do you
think Stacy would be giving the drugs to us, to me? I was asking
myself and of course there was no way. Stacy woulda kept it. So it had
to be mom's drugs and Stacy didn't know they were in there and so...

"My mom's a drug addict." I said out loud and right then the phone
rang, like magic, and I jumped about three feet out of the chair.

"Amy?" Daddy was calling, just like he said he would and I swallowed
hard. "Are you there? Amy?"

"Yeah...Yeah daddy." I said, trying to think, trying to see the future
and understand what was happening, what was going to happen.

"Are you okay?" He asked and there was real concern there.

"Um, yeah. I was just doing...I put Jilly down for her nap and..."

"Okay, good." He said softly. "How are you doing? Holding up okay?"

"Uh-huh." I agreed. "I'm fine, just...Worried. You know."

"Yeah, I know baby." Dad sighed.

"Hey, dad..." I asked hesitantly. "...Does mom take um, medication? Like I
don't know, pills? Or anything?"

"Hmmm...Pills?" Dad sounded a little confused. "No, uh-uh. Why?"

"Oh, um...I was cleaning and, uh...I found some old ones, they're no
good." I lied and I didn't know why. "Contac I think, or something."

"Oh, well that could be." Daddy's voice shrugged. "Just throw them
out, make sure Jilly can't get to them."

"Yeah, okay." I cleared my throat and it was hard to breathe. "I'll
just flush them down the toilet."

"Right. Well, no news huh?" Dad asked, not wanting to but he had no
choice.

"Nope." I answered softly.

"Okay, JJ will be home around three, right? So I'll see you about five
thirty." Dad said.

"Yeah. Um, what do you want to eat tonight?" I asked him. "We got uh,
there's some chicken and..."

"Whatever you want. We can order pizza if you want, when I get home,
how's that?"

"Sure daddy." I nodded. "I'll see you later."

"Kay baby. I love you, Amy."

"Love you, daddy."

I was looking at the drugs and I didn't know why I hadn't told dad
about it. Maybe just because it isn't the kind of thing to be saying
over the telephone, you know? That's what I told myself anyway. He was
worried enough and being told I'd found strange pills and white powder
in his missing wife's purse, that wasn't gonna be too good. Daddy
didn't deserve that. Mom was a druggie and so maybe that was why she
was going crazy and mad all the time, like she needed her drugs. Or
maybe she was high all the time. Or maybe...I had no idea. I'd smoked a
little pot, got a little drunk once or twice, but it hadn't made me
crazy or angry or whatever. Just happy.

I wondered what those green and white pills did.

Probably it was something else. Mom was probably just not happy, I
thought. There wasn't any real cause, not drugs or whatever. If she
was a druggie, like a real addict we'd have known. You can tell,
right? Like the stoners at school, it was obvious. Nah, mom just took
a little once in awhile. Probably just that night she went out with
Stacy, well, two nights, Friday and Saturday both. So probably someone
had given them to my mom and she didn't even take the drugs. My mom
wasn't a drug addict.

They were definitely real pills, like medicine, so they wouldn't hurt.
They'd do something.

I sat back and smiled, pretty sure I was right. Drugs get you high,
that's all. They make you feel good and relaxed, nothing else. Even
like cocaine or whatever, I didn't know much about it, but everybody
said it was pretty cool. No, my mom probably got those drugs and was
like, "I'm not gonna do drugs!" and just put it in her purse and then
forgot about it, or whatever.

Probably they were like those happy pills, those fun ones that just
make everything seem really okay.

So that meant mom was just fucking around on my dad. That was why she
was edgy. She was cheating on him and probably feeling guilty, all
stressed out from sneaking around. That could make someone act pretty
crazy, like pissed off about any little thing. Even little problems
seem a lot bigger if you're already worried and my mom was definitely
worried about something. Her boyfriend probably, maybe this Gary
person. I didn't know any Gary that was for sure, but my mom did and
she even had his address. Maybe he was a druggie and those were his
drugs and she was holding them for him. I'd believe that a lot faster
than I believed my mom was a drug addict.

I wondered if I should take one, just to try it. Maybe it would just
make me sleepy, but nah...Why would someone have sleeping pills?

Yeah, mom was fooling around and I bet right then, while dad was
barely able to work and I was taking care of the house and her baby,
my mom was letting some guy put his dick inside her. What a slut.
Probably cause she was bored. I mean, I was bored and I was just doing
this for the one day so far. Doing it everyday for your whole life
almost? Jesus! I'd be looking for some fun too. So I couldn't really
blame her for wanting attention, a little friendship maybe, but going
to a club and leaving daddy at home? No way. She was a bitch for doing
that to him.

I was looking at those pills. I'd been looking at them, wondering what
they did. Nobody was here. Jilly was sleeping, JJ was at school. Mom
was in some love shack with her boyfriend pretending like she didn't
even have a family that needed her. Dad was at work and those pills
were right there. Nobody even knew I had them. I mean, mom had them,
except now...They were mine, right? Sort of, if nobody knew.

Oh, I'd be in trouble if dad found I took a pill and didn't even know
what it was. He'd kill me. But he'd kill me for a lot of stuff he
wasn't ever gonna find out I'd done, like lose my virginity to a boy I
didn't even like very much. He didn't know about that, so why would he
have to know about one little pill? It was boring being alone and even
when Jilly woke up, I'd give her some pudding, let her crayon awhile.
JJ would come home and complain cause I wasn't his mom. God. I just
wanted dad to come home because I'd liked being close with him again.
I'd liked it a lot. He made me feel special again, like he used to,
but that wasn't for five hours almost.

The pill would wear off before then probably. Five hours...I glanced at
the wall clock. Well, four maybe, that was still a long time. I'd just
take one and that way if the police needed evidence, well, there'd
still be three left. They didn't need all four of them, did they? Who
would ever know? It would be fun and kind of...Crazy. I giggled. Was I
gonna go do it? Really take a pill and just see what happened? I felt
excited, I swear, like, I don't know. I wouldn't say sexually excited,
but it was seriously physical. I was flushed and warm, and my nipples
itched, I mean they really did, like my boobs were growing or
something, and I hadn't even taken a pill yet!

"Okay. Um..." I was scared too. "You decide, God."

I'd done this before, even though it seems dumb. I opened my mom's
purse, the pocket with the change and got a quarter out. Heads, I take
a pill; tails, I don't. That's what I told myself and I was dealing
with God Himself, you know? Like okay, if it's cool, give me a sign.
That kind of thing and I took a deep breath, telling myself not to
hope for one or the other, but just accept it. Like Fate or whatever.
It wasn't up to me it was up to the universe. Whatever happened, I was
gonna blame it on God and that made me giggle, but nervously because
maybe God was gonna be pissed.

I tossed the quarter, flipping it with my thumb and I decided not to
catch it, but just let it hit the linoleum floor and bounce and roll
and make that ringing wobbling sound as it settled slowly. And I was
right down there, smiling because this wasn't boring at least, and on
my hands and knees watching that quarter as it came up heads.

"Huh." I grinned and licked my lips, lifting my head to look at the
drugs sitting on the table.

One pill wasn't gonna hurt me. God said it was okay, right?



=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

end of chapter 01
rache696@yahoo.com

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reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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