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Message-ID: <55354asstr$1171501801@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Souvie <souvieNOSPAM@mindspring.com>
Reply-To: Souvie <souvieNOSPAM@mindspring.com>
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} 2006 Golden Clitorides Awards Gala
Lines: 218
Date: Wed, 14 Feb 2007 20:10:01 -0500
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<1st attachment, "2006awards.txt" begin>

2006 Golden Clitorides Awards Gala
written by the Awards Muse (based on a rough draft by Souvie)


La Taverna was decked out for the awards evening in what could only
be described as a cross between neoclassical and Greco-Roman. Ionic
columns flanked either side of the main entrance and a realistic
pediment towered above it.  A banner read, "2006 GCA Gala."

Gone were the metal detectors and prophylactic sniffing dogs of last
year. It seemed like anyone who possessed an invitation - either real
or forged - was allowed entrance. The only requirement was patrons
had to be adorned in a toga. Designer floor length (and barely-cover-
the-ass-length) togas in satiny hues of eggshell and white mingled
with homemade bed sheet versions. Strappy sandaled feet walked
alongside bare feet. Everyone had gotten into the swing of things.

After showing the invitation to the guard at the door, Commander
Robert Edward Yarborough (Bobby) Lee, patrons entered to find the
sometimes-shabby interior transformed as well. A huge domed ceiling
was bathed in dancing light from wall torches. The tables and booths
had been scrubbed and polished and shone almost as much as the new
(and temporary) ceiling. Once inside, members of Girl Scout Troop 535
½ showed patrons to their waiting seats.

Approximately twenty minutes after the ceremony was due to get
underway, half the torches were extinguished and a single spotlight
shone on the newly redesigned stage. A toga-clad woman appeared and
walked toward the front. Her hair was piled atop her head and strands
of gold were woven in among the raven tresses. Those closest to the
stage quickly realized this wasn't Souvie (mousy brown short hair),
and those toward the back of the room wondered how they'd be able to
hear her since no microphone was in sight.

"Ladies and gentlemen," her booming contralto pierced the cool
tavern air, "and other beings of every race, gender, size, species
and sexual preference, I welcome you to the presentation of the 2006
Golden Clitorides Awards. I bring apologies from Souvie, who is under
the weather and unable to host tonight."

She held up her hand to quiet the parade of groans and sighs that
followed her statement. "However, I have the results, and she's asked
me, the Awards Muse, to hold court in her stead."

She put her hands on her hips, squared her feet and frowned. "That
being said, let's get something straight: I have a hot man and a new
vibrator waiting at home for me, so I don't want any dilly-dallying
with getting your award. In fact, it's going to be streamlined this
year. I've got the awards printed up on this scroll. I'm going to
nail it to the post on the far side of the room. It'll be projected
onto the big screen that my centaurs should be pushing into place
behind me at any minute. You'll read the results, come get your
awards." She gestured to a table off to stage left where all the
awards waited to be claimed.  "There will be no pushing, shoving,
biting, hair pulling, dick pulling, pussy snatching or anything else
of a down-and-dirty nature. You'll calmly collect the awards and make
your speeches afterwards, once the paparazzi arrive."

There was a buzz of malcontent and she held up one delicately
polished finger. "If everyone abides by these rules, and don't think
I won't find out, La Taverna's bar will be open for the rest of the
night. As in an open bar, people," she clarified.

There were whistles and catcalls and offers of marriage tossed her
way. "However, if I find out differently, and don't think I couldn't,
you'll all be sent a bill for what you imbibe tonight, and it'll be
doubled."

Giving the patrons time for that to sink in, she withdrew a scroll
from inside her bodice and walked to the back of the room. Her
centaurs, as promised, wheeled an enormous projection screen onto the
spot she'd been standing. 

Within minutes, the Awards Muse was gone, and there up on the
screen, were the 2006 Golden Clitorides Awards results:


Author of the Year
1st place - Al Steiner
2nd place - Lazlo Zalezac
3rd place - Nick Scipio

Flash Story of the Year
1st place - Do Bloody What? by the Wanderer
2nd place - Sex for Grades by Nobilis
3rd place - Retirement by Russell Hoisington

Short Story of the Year
1st place - Honorable Infidelity by Wine Maker
2nd place - One Door Closed... By Onagerian Surmise
3rd place - April Showers by Russell Hoisington

Long Story of the Year
1st place - Greenies by Al Steiner
2nd place - Washed Up by Lazlong
3rd place - Intemperance by Al Steiner

Best New Author
1st place - Asa Strong
2nd place - Onagerian Surmise
3rd place - Marsh Alien

Best Story by a New Author
1st place - Poverty Hill by Asa Strong
2nd place - Shelter From the Storm by SweetWitch
3rd place (tie) - Stormy Monday by Onagerian Surmise & Living Dolls
by Marsh Alien

Classic Clitoride
1st place - Twice Lucky by Joe J.
2nd place - That's What Friends Are For by dotB
3rd place - Unplanned Layover by J.C. Miller

Best BDSM Story
1st place - Growing Up a Master by MWTB
2nd place - Finding Elvis by Wine Maker
3rd place - Sam by Samantha K.

Best Furry/Best/Zoo Story
1st place - Manipulated by Fiction Writer #13
2nd place - A Better World II by Robert Wilson
3rd place - Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell by Danyealle

Best Heterosexual Story
1st place - A Different Sort of Lifestyle by Lazlo Zalezac
2nd place - Jack and Jill by Old Fart
3rd place - Shelter From the Storm by SweetWitch

Best Erotic Horror Story
1st place - A Little Halloweenie by Old Fart
2nd place - Home by the Sea by Darkniciad
3rd place - Now This Won't Hurt a Bit by A Strange Geek

Best Erotic Humor Story
1st place - The Trailer Park: The Fourth Year by Wizard
2nd place - Best of Both Worlds by Dilettante
3rd place - A Prickly Situation by Russell Hoisington

Best Erotic MC Story
1st place - Program Alpha-Omega by Net Wolf
2nd place - Master PC - The Protector by TechnicDragon
3rd place - The House at the End of the Street by A Strange Geek

 Best Erotic Poetry
1st place - Orgasmic by Danyealle
2nd place - Thank You by Souvie
3rd place - On Deathbed's Door by DG Hear

Best Romantic Story
1st place - Washed Up by Lazlong
2nd place - Nereids by Nick Scipio
3rd place - A Different Sort of Lifestyle by Lazlo Zalezac

Best Same Sex Story
1st place - Hannah Sawyer by Gina Marie Wylie
2nd place - Stormy Monday by Onagerian Surmise
3rd place - Finding Elvis by Wine Maker

Best Science Fiction/Fantasy Story
1st place - Greenies by Al Steiner
2nd place - Washed Up by Lazlong
3rd place - Hannah Sawyer by Gina Marie Wylie

Best Erotic Seasonal Story
1st place - A Little Halloweenie by Old Fart
2nd place - The Red Velvet Suite by SweetWitch
3rd place - Thanksgiving Talk by DG Hear

Best Series
1st place - Wagons Ho! by Lazlong
2nd place - John Carter by Lazlo Zalezac
3rd place - Twice Lucky by Joe J.

Best Story in a Shared Universe
1st place - Nereids by Nick Scipio
2nd place - Jake, NIS by Mr Freeze
3rd place - Karma by Wine Maker

Best Shared Universe
1st place - Summer Camp Universe created by Nick Scipio
2nd place - Greenies/A Perfect World created by Al Steiner
3rd place - NIS created by Karen Wagner

Best Voyeur/Exhibitionism Story
1st place - The Lady in Blue by Wine Maker
2nd place - The House at the End of the Street by A Strange Geek
3rd place - Manipulated by Fiction Writer #13


(A heartfelt thanks to all the writers and all the readers. It's a
symbiosis kind of relationship, in my opinion, and in reality,
everyone ends up winning. 

Also a big thank you to Garv (www.garvgraphx.com) who created our
new GCA girl exclusively for the awards and the generous patron who
funded it. You can see her at the website: 
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Clitorides/www/GCA2006.htm
~ Souvie)  







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