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NNTP-Posting-Date: Sun, 12 Feb 2006 17:59:04 -0600
From: "Stasya T. Canine" <stasyatk9NOSPAMED@juno.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} <*> Tomsdog and Dogsbody   (rev, new chapter M-dog F-dog MF zoo best) Stasya T. Canine
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Date: Mon, 13 Feb 2006 01:10:04 -0500
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Dog's Body
chapter one
by: Stasya T. Canine
----

It's like life.  You know.  All confused.  Chaotic.  Disconnected. One
thing doesn't always lead to the next.

Still, when I look back at it all and make a list, one thing really
does lead to the next.

Am I making sense yet?

Hello?

Take that day hike in the mountains that Jupiter and I were going to
do.  Grab the dog, the day pack, jump in whatever car is handy and has
enough gas to go anywhere--and just go.  There are miles and miles of
mountain roads and hiking trails that are almost in my back yard.

We never made it.

We never got in the car.  I was closing the trunk when I heard "Blam!
Thunka-thunka-thunka..."  By the time I turned around a car had pulled
off the road and stopped in front of our driveway.  I sighed and went
to take a look.  The nearest flat repair place was miles away so it
wasn't unusual for folks with problems to stop and ask for help.

By the time I'd made the long trek down the driveway this woman had
her trunk open and was digging out the jack.  Before I could say
anything her dog came out of the window and took off to go greet
Jupiter.

She looked up in time to see the vanishing act and then she just
looked at me.  "He's friendly.  Yours?"

"He'll be ok as long as yours doesn't try to start anything. We're
both used to strangers stopping.  Need some help with that?" The way I
figured it, get her on her way as soon as possible and we'd still have
plenty of time for our hike.

"Sure."  She handed me the lug wrench.  "I'll set the jack while you
get the tire ready to remove."

I smiled to myself.  She seemed a little frustrated and definitely in
a hurry.  I popped the hubcap and loosened the nuts while she placed
the jack and started the long process of raising the car.

I wasn't really paying much attention to what the dogs were doing
until I felt a nose touch my ass.  I flinched and then realized a set
of legs was grabbing hold and they weren't the legs I was used to.

"Sam!  Knock it off!"  She was yelling at her dog and I surprised a
wry smile on her lips.  "Sometimes he gets carried away and thinks
anything low enough is his to screw.  Sorry."

I chuckled.  "I don't need to ask if he's neutered or not.  Hate to
disappoint him but the nearest bitch is miles from here.  When the
wind's right, my guy goes crazy."

She bent down and finished raising her car.  "This seems like a nice
area to live.  A friend of mine was telling me about how he lived near
the mountains in this area.  I've sorta made a hobby of coming up this
way every month or so to see if I can figure out where he lives.
Kinda like to surprise him.  So far I haven't been able to add all the
clues up and find him."

I finished removing the nuts and removed the blown tire.  When she
started to get up I shrugged.  "I'll get the new one.  I'm closer
anyway.  Don't mind helping out.  Happens a lot out here."  I grabbed
the good one and set it on the ground.  After I put the old one in the
trunk I rolled the good tire over and settled so I could mount it.
"Lots of us out here are loners but we all tend to keep an eye on each
other.  Like it that way.  Few more minutes and you would have had to
do this by yourself.  We were headed out for a day hike. Habit made me
see if whoever had the problem needed help."

I chuckled.  "Unless you know some details, one place pretty much
looks like another out here.  Not surprised you've had trouble finding
this friend of yours.  It can take some luck if all you have is a
general description of the guy's place."  I spun the nuts on and
turned. "You can set it down so I can tighten them."

"Hmmm?  Oh.  Ok."  She didn't move.  "Actually, Tomsdog, I was about
ready to give up for today."  Her lips quirked.  "I think I had some
of that luck you mentioned.  But the detail I had to work with was a
tendency to automatically help folks with problems."  She held out a
hand.  "Hi.  I'm 'Dogsbody'."

I gaped at first and then shook my head.  "I thought I'd been general
enough so nobody could find me.  Yeah.  I'm 'Tomsdog'.  I don't admit
that to just anyone who blows a tire in my driveway but I think I can
trust you."  I reached out and took her hand.  "I never thought you'd
take that invitation seriously."

She smiled.  "Tell you about it after we get my car taken care of.
That's if you want to hear it?"

I shrugged and turned back to her wheel.  As I tightened the nuts, I
grunted in between efforts to snug things. "I told you.  A couple of
years ago.  That I'd always.  Have time.  For you."  I tapped the
hubcap back.  "There, that does it."

By the time I was done she'd pulled the jack and tossed it back in her
trunk.  "The wrench."  I handed it to her and she closed the lid.

I stood and brushed the dust off my clothes.  "Anywhere.  Plenty of
places in the shade.  Pick one.  I'll meet you at the porch."

She nodded and got in.  As soon as the car started Sam ran over and
led her up the driveway.  Jupiter joined him and they led us in. The
dogs, the car and then me trudging along last.

* * *

I leaned on the porch railing and watched our dogs escort him up the
driveway.  'Jolene, you took a hell of a risk when you called him by
his net name and then used yours.  What if you'd guessed wrong?'  I
berated myself for that impulsive act.  'Yes, but it worked.  Maybe
it's time something went right.'

'Maybe', the cynical part of me answered.  I stifled the cynic with a
well chosen response.  'Shut up.  He kept his promise.  That's more
than I've had out of a lot of other men under a lot less pressure.'

When he reached his porch I smiled and held out my hand again. "Sorry.
It wasn't a very nice thing to do.  Can we start over?  I'm Jolene and
I've spent a lot of time trying to find you."

"Jolene."  It rolled off his tongue and he smiled.  "Somehow, it seems
to fit you.  Sorry I don't have a fancy name I can share in return.
I'm Tom."  I blinked in surprise.  That wasn't the way most people
reacted to my name.

His lips quirked and then he took my hand and raised it to his lips
and lightly kissed it.  He looked into my eyes and I almost didn't
hear his next comment.  "Do we really need to start over?  Be a shame
to waste all those years of getting to know each other."

'Careful!'  The warning signals were going off.  'Fool!  He already
knows the worst.  Now tell him the rest of the story.  Don't blow it!'

I took a deep breath and looked at him.  "Ok.  In that case, there are
several reasons I made a special effort to find you.  We've both
pretty much given up on making any special efforts to go looking for
someone to share our lives with.  I never thought it would happen, but
for various reasons, I found myself available and thinking of an old,
cynical friend."  His hand started to tremble in mine.  I looked away
and then back.  "I'm over twenty one, available, and willing to work
damn hard to see if we can make a relationship work.  You interested?"

One part of me was upset about how crudely I'd expressed my desires.
The other part was calm and insisting that it was the only way that
would work.  I hoped that second part was right.

* * *

"I'm dreaming this.  Right?"  Jolene shook her head in denial.  It
wasn't a dream.

"Come on in.  I think we're going to be talking about things we don't
want the wind to hear."  She smiled slightly as she nodded
emphatically.  I let go of her hand, walked up the steps and opened
the door for her.  I shrugged when she looked at me.  "Cluttered and
comfortable.  I didn't know I'd be having company."

"Oh, there's a dog door.  You worried about Sam?"

She nodded.  "I don't usually let him run out of my sight."

I nodded.  "The back yard is fenced.  I can close the gate and once I
block the dog door in the front door, unless he's a jumper, he won't
be able to get out."  I smiled wryly.  "Jupiter won't mind having some
company so I imagine they'll settle in ok."

She nodded and turned to call Sam.  Jupiter followed him as they
bounced up the steps.  Once they were in the house I locked the main
dog door.  As we walked through the kitchen I offered her something to
drink.

"Water or soda.  I may be driving later."  I noted her careful use of
'may' but said nothing.  My long ago offer had included letting her
stay as long as she wished.

I headed for the back door.  "Check out the fridge while I go close
the gate."

When I got back from closing the gate she was standing on the back
porch and had a bemused look on her face.  "Tom?  I always thought you
were kidding."

"Kidding?  Oh.  The porch."  I couldn't help my grin.  "And you never
wondered about all the details I was able to supply?  The fence is
solid and taller than average.  It would take an aerial look to see it
so I never worried about describing it."

I went back in, grabbed a glass of water and then came out and settled
in one of the chairs.  "Where do we go from here?  I know 'Dogsbody'.
Sounds like she's had an interesting life recently. We've talked about
the possibility of getting together but now that you're here, how do
we try and make it work?"

I sighed and looked into my glass and whispered:  "To be blunt about
it, how do we handle the sexual parts?  Are we going to be 'just
friends'?  You know that isn't what I want."

She walked to the edge of the porch and was silent for a long time as
she watched the dogs play with each other.  Without turning around,
she finally spoke.

"I wasn't lying when I said I was comfortably settled and happy.  I
had a steady lover and I had Sam.  It was a pretty good life for
years.

"Then I found the net and had a chance to learn there are others like
me.

"I met you during the euphoria stage.  Funny how we both seemed so
settled and comfortable back then.  Only problem is, by discovering
others, it messed up what I had.  It got me thinking about if I could
finally do better.  I wanted the chance to try and find someone who
could deal with Sam and the fact I let him make love to me--not just
the fact I let him fuck me so I could make money.

"He's my lover and a close companion.  I got the rest from my human
lover.

"At least that's what I told myself all those years.

"Then, slowly, that connection that my lover and I had started to
vanish.  I started feeling that I wasn't able to give him what he
really needed.  At the same time, I knew I would always have to hide
from him.  He still doesn't know the real reason I gently eased him
out of my life.  'The spark is gone'.

"I couldn't bring myself to tell him why.

"Why have I spent a lot of time looking for you?

"I could give you all sorts of excuses and reasons."

I could see her shoulders shift as she took a deep breath.  "I'll make
it simple.  Even though we've only had words before this, I like to
feel we have some sort of 'connection' that makes us right for each
other."

"Do we?"  She turned to face me and I could see tears running down her
cheeks.  "Or have I been dreaming it all?"

I couldn't help my rueful chuckle.  "What's it been?  Three, maybe
four years that we've been visiting online?"

She nodded slowly.  "Almost four."

I walked over and leaned on the porch railing and watched the dogs for
a bit.  "Almost four years we've visited and told each other our most
private sexual desires and actions.  Not many of us left from that
long ago.  You know most of my online contacts rarely last a year, let
alone this long."

I turned back to face her and smiled a bit sadly as I held out my arms
in invitation.  "Yeah.  There's a 'connection'.  Shall we see if it
survives reality?"

She must have heard my bitterness because she looked at me rather
oddly before she nestled into our first hug and kiss.

* * *

'Shall we see if it survives reality?'  I paused and studied his face.
The bitterness he put in such simple words.  Where did it come from?
Still, he was willing to hold me.  To welcome me.

I leaned into him and felt his arms gently enfold me.  It seemed so
natural when our lips met.

Can you call it a kiss when two people just let themselves touch each
other and their lips just make contact without doing more?  How long
did we stand there in that gentle cuddle?

Why does it matter so much to me?  Why can't I remember how long that
first kiss lasted?

I search within.  My heart flutters in a way I've never felt. Dimly, I
hear the sounds of our dogs playing together.

Dogs.  Us.  Together.

That's it.  Tom is the first person I've met who's like me. *Totally*
like me.  He lets his dog love him.  Just as I let mine love me.

Completely.

Memories surface and I push us gently apart.  His arms loosen without
hesitation.  He willingly grants me my freedom.  Instantly.

That's another difference.  My last and, it shames me to admit it,
only lover, never granted me that freedom so quickly.

I look into eyes that question, and I smile.  I feel him relax and
then tense slightly as my hands go to his chest and begin unbuttoning
his shirt.  "We already know our desires.  We're both nudists.  Is
there any point in hiding from each other when we already know so
much?"

His hands fumble at my blouse.  "I'm not going to be very good at
this.  It's been a lot of years.  And that was the failed relationship
that led to me becoming..."  I felt his hands pause and begin to
tremble. "A man who loves male dogs.  But, I still dream and wonder if
I can really love a woman."

His voice turns musing as his hands start moving again.  "I wonder if
I remember how?"

Now, it's my own turn to hesitate.  "Tom?"  I struggle and then give
up and lean against him.  "I have enough experience for both of us.
More than enough.  Too much.  Maybe that's how come I couldn't
completely love the man I was with.  I've never looked directly at the
fact that because I let myself be with so many men, I turned to Sam
for any *real* love I needed."

"Oh?"  It's a quiet request for more.

I wrap my arms around him and place my cheek against his chest.  "My
job.  I've never told anyone.  I didn't think it would matter if we
met.  It does matter."

Are those tears making it hard for me to see?  I wipe at my eyes and
my vision clears.

I look up and see him watching me.  He bends down to lightly kiss me
and then pulls away and smiles.  "Any woman, unless she's a virgin, is
going to be more experienced than I am.  It doesn't bother me."

"No, Tom.  That's not it.  It's *how* I gained that experience."  I
can't look at his questioning eyes.  I bend my head and whisper. "I'm
a porn star.  I make adult movies."

He surprises me by laughing.  "That's it? From the way you were
shivering, I thought you were going to tell me you've been a
prostitute.  Even that wouldn't matter to me."

I feel his hand at my chin and he lifts my head so he can look into my
eyes.  I see mirth.  I see acceptance.  "Are you good at it?"  His
hand drops to lightly touch my bra before it slides lower and around
to my back.

That question brings a wry smile to my lips.  "Good enough.  I could
retire and never have to work again, if I wanted to.  And for being
inexperienced, your hand certainly knows how to move in the right
ways."

He blushes but doesn't move his hand.  "I...  I read a lot and dream.
I've made the moves so many times in my dreams that I did it without
thinking.  I'm sorry"

I can't stop my own blush.  "Don't be.  You moved from your heart.
That's what I need right now.  Truth.  No acting.  No matter what, no
acting."

He starts laughing and pulls me to him.  "You really are a bitch,
aren't you?"

I stiffen in momentary anger before I remember who I am with.  For
people like us, calling a woman a 'bitch' is the highest compliment we
can give.  "I guess I am.  May I be bitch to your dog?"

He shivers and without really thinking, I hug him.  His words are
soft.  "Not yet.  Soon.  This is too sudden.  I need some time."

I don't bother to hide my frustrated sigh.  "I'm ready.  I'll be
ready."

"Fair enough."  His hands begin fumbling at my bra and then I feel it
loosen.  When he shifts to my pants I shiver and go back to undressing
him.  Our movements are slow but eventually, inevitably, we stand
before each other, naked.

Not surprisingly, the dogs have noticed and come over to investigate.
Their arousal is unmistakable, as is their urgency.

We look at the dogs, then each other--and start laughing.  Tom says it
first:  "Kind of hard to hide things with them around, isn't it?"

I look at his crotch and see his penis stiffening.  Jupiter is
playfully nudging him from behind.

Sam has given up nudging me and has settled on his haunches in front
of me.  Since I haven't pushed him away, he's leaned forward and is
licking at my own crotch.  I look down and then back up at Tom.
"Pretty obvious aren't we?  Do you mind if he and I?..."

That gets a smile in addition to the laughter.  He gestures grandly.
"Pick a place."  As he walks towards an old couch, Jupiter is getting
more insistent and starts trying to mount him.

I wonder to myself, 'Is that what Sam and I look like?'

I know how quickly an experienced dog can mount and tie.  Still, when
I see it happen in front of me for the first time, it amazes me.

Tom dropped to his knees and began to bend forward.  Before he
completed the motion, Jupiter realized that this was for real and
mounted Tom.  A quick shift of his hind feet and before I could see
what happened, he'd found his position, thrust forward, and tied.

The actress in me chuckled.  'Not very photogenic.  But, they are for
real, not acting.'

In that same spirit of whimsy, I took a chance and settled on the
couch next to Tom.  Jupiter glanced at me but otherwise ignored what I
was doing.  I looked down and saw Tom looking at me.  "Do you mind?"

He reached back and began playing with himself before he answered.
"Nope.  I'm going to be too busy to care."  I watched as his eyes grew
distant before he closed them and moaned in pleasure.

I leaned back.  "Sam.  Up!"  He lifted his nose from my crotch. "Come
on.  Do it."  I crooned at him.  That was all he needed.  He ignored
the action next to us and straddled me as I spread for him and shifted
forward so he had a clear target.

With practiced ease, he hunched and slid into me.  I reached and
pulled him against me.  No point in risking that the jouncing next to
us would accidentally pull us apart.

That was when I realized what had just happened.  For one of the few
times in our lives, Sam and I could take our time.  I closed my eyes
and savored that suddenly discovered freedom to be what I really was
without having to worry about hiding it.

* * *

After all these years, I'd figured I'd be body shy in front of a
woman.  I didn't have the time to get that far.  The dogs noticed we
were naked and immediately came over to check us out.  Since Jolene
and I were so busy laughing at them and didn't try to stop them, they
decided that it was time to get serious.  Jupiter made it clear that I
was being far too slow to suit him.  When I looked over at Jolene, Sam
was settled with his nose in her crotch and was obviously enjoying
what he was tasting.

She asked if I would be bothered if she and her dog made love to each
other.  Since Jupiter was doing his best to knock me over, all I could
do was shrug and tell her anything was fine with me.



As I got nearer to the couch Jupiter's urgency increased.  Since we
were close enough, as his weight hit my back, I let myself fall
forward.  Before I could get fully settled he'd mounted and slid home.
A few tugs convinced him he really was tied and then he collapsed on
top of me.  Idly, I wondered if his urgency was because of Jolene's
obvious arousal.  It didn't matter.  With his knot inside me and
pleasurably tugging, thoughts of Jolene were fading and being replaced
by my lust.

Before I could get comfortable and start masturbating, I felt the
couch settle.  Surprised, I turned my head and saw a wall of flesh. I
managed to look up into Jolene's eyes.  'Do you mind?'.  She sounded a
bit unsure of her welcome.

I'd never tried to carry on a conversation with Jupiter on my back and
I was surprised at how much effort it took to gather in enough air so
I could talk.  A particularly pleasurable tug distracted me and I
started masturbating before I remembered I had company.

I slowed a bit and managed to gasp out.  "Nope.  I'm too busy to
care."  With that I went back to taking care of myself and Jupiter.

I heard "Sam! Do it! and then the couch shifted slightly.  Since it
didn't concern me or Jupiter, I went back to our own pleasures.

As usual, it didn't take long for me to reach my orgasm.  I was
startled out of my usual afterglow when I realized there were *two*
furry legs against my left side instead of one.

Memory returned and with it the realization that Jolene was there.

I turned my head and tried a tentative smile.  "Jolene?"

Her eyes snapped open and I could see horror before she realized where
she was.  "It's Tom.  You ok?"

She managed to focus.  "I'm fine.  I forgot where I was and thought my
worst nightmare had happened."  Her chest did interesting things as
she took a deep breath.

"Ok."  I chuckled as I thought about how we'd appear to anyone
watching.  "It's going to be a bit before Jupiter softens.  Until
then, all I can do is wait.  Hope you don't mind the view."

She blushed all over.  "No...  I kind of like the view.  Sam and I can
pull apart but it's nice to be able to wait until he softens and
withdraws.  We don't get to do that very often."

She rushed on.  "I knew it was fast but when Jupiter mounted you, the
tie was so quick I almost missed it.  It sure is different to see it
happen."

I felt her hand touch me and hesitate.  "I've always wondered...  Is
it ok if I feel the two of you?"

That surprised me.  Finally I shrugged mentally.  "I can't do much
about it if you did.  I'm not going to risk injuring either of us by
trying to get away.  Sure, go ahead."  It was sheer perversity that
made me make ask my question.  "Do I get to feel you and Sam?"

I felt her hand clench slightly and then relax.  "It's a fair question
isn't it?"  She finally laughed softly.  "I don't know why I was
surprised.  I get felt up all the time when I'm being filmed."  I
heard her inhale and then exhale slowly.  "I've always been private
about Sam.  If I'm this curious about you and Jupiter, you have to be
as curious about us.  Ok, go ahead."  I felt her hand go limp. "After
all, I got to watch Jupiter mount you and you weren't able to watch
Sam mount me.  I owe you."

We looked at each other and laughed.  I said it for both of us.  "We
know so much about each other and yet so little.  I've always wanted
to be able to see a woman make love to a dog and be able to be right
there so I could explore as they did it.  Never thought I'd be tied to
Jupiter when it happened."

She laughed even harder.  "I always thought that any guy I met would
be busy watching me and Sam.  Not so involved with getting screwed by
his own dog that he'd tell me 'I'm too busy to care' when I asked if
he'd be bothered if Sam and I went at it."

She reached down and helped me untangle my left arm so I could shift
and feel where she and Sam were joined.  Once she had my hand placed
she reached back to me and followed my spine until she reached our
junction.  I felt a finger gently probe and I pushed back in an
automatic reaction.

Expertly, she worked at me before she pulled away.

Tentatively, I probed at her and Sam.  "Lightly.  I'm pretty sensitive
right now."

I eased up and settled for letting my hand rest on her thigh.  "Good
enough?"

"Yes."  She closed her eyes and relaxed.
---

Dog's Body 
chapter two
by: Stasya T. Canine
---


I looked up from my salad to see Jolene studying me thoughtfully.
"Jo?  Is something wrong?"

She smiled.  "No.  Not really.  Just wondering about something.  Two
somethings, actually."

"Oh?"  Something in her tones made me think she was trying to unravel
a puzzle, a puzzle named 'Tomsdog'.

She pointed at Jupiter, who had his chin resting on the edge of the
table while he used his eyes to try and convince me he was starving
and just HAD to have some of my food.  "He's the second something."

I took a bite of food and passed a piece of chicken to Jupiter.  "The
first?"

She took a deep breath and let it out very slowly.  "You've never told
me what made you bitter enough to make your 'see if it survives
reality' comment.  Is that the same thing that made you choose to love
Jupiter instead of a bitch?"

I moaned in pain as the memories surfaced and I went into a flashback.

When I came out of it everything looked the same but...  There was
something in Jo's eyes that told me she knew what had happened even if
she couldn't know the details.

My hands shook so much I had to use both of them to carefully move my
glass to my lips so I could take a small sip.  Jupiter, once I set the
glass back down, nudged my arm while he looked at me with worry in his
eyes.  He'd been through this before and knew that he had to be
careful about getting my attention.

I hugged him and reassured him.  "I'll be OK, Jup, old dog.  I'll be
OK..."

Then I remembered Jolene.  Without loosening my grip on Jupiter or
turning my head I whispered:  "Still want to be bitch to my dog?"

I clenched my teeth and gritted out the words I'd wanted to say to a
woman for so many years... "I could use your help."

* * *

The terror in his eyes frightened me into immobility.  I knew what I
was seeing and the last thing I wanted to do was make a bad situation
worse.   Jupiter, too, froze briefly.  Then, to my amazement, he stood
up, put his front feet on the table, put his huge head next to Tom's
head and...  There was only one word to describe what came out.  He
crooned.  His eyes locked on Tom's face and he never stopped until
Tom's face lost that look of terror.

The incident, to my amazement, couldn't have lasted more than a few
minutes until Tom used both of his shaking hands to carefully hold his
drink so he could take a sip.

After he set the glass down he hugged Jupiter and whispered something
to him.  Then he raised his voice slightly and spoke two sentences
that I knew would change our lives forever.  'Still want to be bitch
to my dog?  I could use your help.'

I started to get up until Jupiter's ears shifted in my direction and
the eye I could see shifted to watch me.  When I  settled back in my
chair Jupiter relaxed and turned most of his attention back to Tom.

"Tom.  I've never stopped wanting to be your bitch ever since we
settled into our online friendship four years ago.  You've never
mentioned your flashbacks so this has been a surprise.  It's not going
to change a decision I made so long ago.  Actually, it makes it easier
for me to reaffirm it.  I still want to be your bitch."

"It does?  You will?"

"Yes."

He was silent a long time.  "Jo.  This one hit me harder than usual
because you were here.  I was letting myself relax and dream that you
and I could live a normal life as man and woman."  There was a faint
sound that was almost a chuckle.  "Well, as normal as two animal
fuckers can hope to live.  I always wondered how I was going to tell
you about my flashbacks.  This solves that problem, anyway."

I gently interrupted him when he paused.  "Tom.  The porn industry has
its seamier side.  I've seen flashbacks before.  Some of the women..."
I sighed and went on sadly.  "Have seen a side of life that probably
makes whatever happened to you look like true love in comparison.  I'm
not belittling what you went through.  Never that."

I saw his head move slightly in a nod.  "When you told me what you do
for a living, a lot of things fell into place.  I don't envy you or
the people you work with.  What happened to me happened only once.  My
imagination isn't good enough to let me understand what it must be
like for those who have lived through far worse."

His head finally came up and he studied my face.  What he was looking
for, I didn't know, but I could suspect.  Even so, his next words
shocked me.

* * *


"I love and trust Dogsbody.  Can I give that same trust to Jolene?
Can I trust Jolene enough to let my mind believe that she won't hide
behind a false smile of acceptance--until she can kick me in the balls
until I am unconscious?"

My mouth opened but no words came out.

He nodded.  "One night, after a session of tender love, I mentioned
that I was an anal erotic.  She laughed, a little self consciously I
thought, said it was OK and we cuddled and went to sleep.  The next
thing I remember was waking up as the blankets were pulled off my
body, followed by her screaming obscenities while she was kicking my
crotch as hard as she could.  There was incredible pain before I
passed out.  When I woke up I could barely make myself understood when
I called for an ambulance.  She was gone, of course, and the last time
I saw her was at her trial.  It was called a 'fit of passion'.
Regrettably, understandable and caused by my own 'unusual tastes'.
They did nothing to her and made ME apologize for upsetting her enough
that she lost control."

He looked off into nothingness.  His voice was calm and matter of
fact.  There was none of the bitterness I expected after his
description of what had happened.  "I was offered help in curing me of
my perversion.  I was not offered help in overcoming my fear of women.
I had, after all, earned the pain.  The memories, and fear, were seen
as ample punishment for my crime."

He gestured at a file cabinet.  "Bottom drawer, all the way in the
back."  When I hesitated he sighed.  "It's my copy of all the trial
paperwork.  Sometimes I take it out and reread it in an attempt to
understand what the hell happened."  He clenched his fists on the
table.  "All I can understand is that I'll never understand a system
that calls what happened to me 'my own fault and richly deserved'."

I did as he asked and took out the worn folder.  When I opened it and
began reading the list of names, I gasped, then carefully closed the
folder and set it on the table before my shaking hands dropped it.

"Tom.  I know her attorney."

"Then you know about him?"

I was shaking with anger.  "How could he?!  He's one of the industry's
staunchest defenders...  He's been gay, and a bottom...  All of his
fucking life!"

"He helped destroy my life before he was forced to admit he was gay.
HE was never asked if he wanted help in getting rid of HIS perversion.
He's been openly admired for his honesty.  I guess the standards are
different when you're rich and haven't had a woman try and kick your
balls up your throat."

I winced at his words and the bitterness they contained.  I reached
out and gently enfolded his hand in mine.  "Tom...  Whoever she was,
Not all of us are like that.  I'm not going to apologize for what she
did to you.  I don't know how you see her but I assure you, any
*normal* woman would hate her with as much passion as most people hate
a rapist."

His hand trembled and he stared at it for awhile.  When he looked up,
even though I could see a lot of cynicism, I refused to let go.  I
refused to let him take the easy way out.  To pull away, and hide.
"Jo, any *normal* woman would hate what we are just as much, if not
more, than they would hate a rapist, or a pedo.  We've betrayed
everything it is to be 'human'.  Listen to yourself.  Are you calling
a zoosexual female porn star...  Normal?   Talk to me about 'being
normal.  I haven't understood what normal means ever since that woman
decided I shouldn't be able to function as a 'normal man'.  And did
something about it.  It might not matter to a lot of people, but to me
it *does* matter that a woman was able to do so much damage to me that
I can never father children--and she received society's blessing for
the act."

Damn.  He had me.  What could I say to get through?  I'd never felt
the urge to have children.  I couldn't relate to that on the emotional
level he needed.  He'd never mentioned he was sterile.  I couldn't
complain.  We'd both admitted we had secrets we weren't going to share
online.

I sighed.  Maybe.  Maybe I could reach past his terror and help him
relearn that women had to be judged as individuals.  We had a common
fight, something we *could* relate to and understand together.  I
lifted his hand to my lips and kissed it.  "Tom.  This isn't going to
be easy for me to do.  Let me gather my thoughts.  Others were there,
but I was the one it happened to.  I've never told anyone how I felt.
I have a point.  I'm not trying to be mysterious."  I took a deep
breath and let it out.  "Will you let me try to give you something it
sounds like you've never had about what happened?  Perspective.  Of a
sort."  I let go and leaned back in my chair.

I looked at him thoughtfully...  "Can we sit on the couch inside while
I tell you?  You know, the whole cliche'd romantic routine.  You sit
at one end and I stretch out with my head in your lap.  Or is that
possible to do without fighting Jupiter?  Sam's used to sharing me, he
won't argue."

He studied me a long time.  More than long enough to make me start
thinking I'd pushed too far.  I sighed...  "Tom?  Trust me?  I've had
some experience at helping abused women.  I think it will help us.
You."

He finally nodded.  "It's a hide-a-bed.  Help me open it and we can
share with both dogs."  He grimaced.  "It's better for cuddling than
it is for sleeping, anyway."

"Deal."

We grabbed our drinks and got comfortable.

"Tom, The first year Sam fucked me, I let him do it for the money.  He
wasn't even my dog at first."

"I felt guilty, dirty, used, a laughing stock, a joke.  The other
women laughed at me, called me a slut with no standards.  I got a
reputation as a money grubbing whore who'd do anything for money.  It
wasn't true but there wasn't a thing I could do to stop the derision."

"I gave up trying to explain that it was let Sam fuck me or be forced
to do something else 'odd' to stay in the business.  I know it sounds
strange but believe it or not, most porno actors and actresses do have
standards.  We all did the male-female stuff.  It was the stock thing
to do.  In the cunt, ass and mouth.  That was 'normal' and expected
from every woman who took part.  Not many had whatever it is that
makes them popular to the usual het buyers.  Those people had no
problems staying active."

"I wasn't that good.  And when the bills piled up I knew I had to do
something to stay alive.  There are specialty films being made. I
didn't like any of them.  Some are pretty scary even when you know
that the damage isn't going to be serious enough to put you out of
work for more than a few weeks."  I closed my eyes and remembered the
agonizing decision.  "Then there's the work that damages you in ways
that don't show."

I looked up and watched his face.  "I was running out of food, all my
bills were well past due, the producers knew it and I knew they knew.
They thought they had me.  One offered me a year's pay to make one
film.  All I had to do was let myself be filmed while a dog fucked me.
It didn't matter if I looked willing or unwilling.  All I had to do
was survive the experience until the dog was done and walked away from
me."

"Hunger made the decision easy.  What I didn't know, and wasn't told
was that this dog had been trained to stay mounted during his tie."

I took a deep breath and shuddered...  "Unless he was commanded to
pull out.  They let him stay tied in my cunt.  It didn't feel too bad
so I agreed to let him fuck me in the ass.  I'm sure you know what
they did.  The movie came out pretty much unedited as a torture/rape
movie.   My scream when he jerked free of my ass made us instantly
famous.  It was a damn good thing I'd been anally fucked so often.
Nothing tore but it was days before the pain was completely gone."

"Tom, it was the sudden jerk out that hurt.  By then I'd used dildos
that were larger than Sam's knot and they didn't bother me.  I wasn't
given time to get ready.  Yes, I was naive, even then.  I *knew* how
cynical the business was.  I always figured I could avoid the real
nasty stuff.  If there was a good thing about that time, it was that
all of that naivete was gone when it was over.   Before six months had
gone by, I'd arranged to buy Sam.  It was the only way I'd agree to do
more movies.  Sam and I turned ourselves into performers.  I
discovered that using a trained dog was a two edged thing to do.  It's
easier to transfer a trained dog's loyalty than it is an untrained
one.  He quit listening to his original trainer and only paid
attention to me, no matter how much they provoked him."

I laughed at another memory.  "The company had a web site and kept
track of which videos sold.  Certain types of besti sold quite well.
They made more, with other women and men and various other animals.
Sometime during the second year I realized I was a 'hot property'.
People were asking for more vids of me and Sam.  We even got
suggestions from our fans.  Then the internet got popular.   I was
doing searches on my working name and discovered the zoo areas of the
net.  By the time that happened I knew I was fucking Sam for something
other than the money we made."

I sighed.  "I know what's out there, Tom.  Look real close.  Change my
hair color.  Change the makeup.  If you've seen any of it.  If you
look for woman and dog stuff, there's a good chance you've seen me and
Sam."

He studied me and shrugged.  "Can't say for sure.  Seen a lot of crap.
I don't have much interest in the woman-dog stuff.  The pics can
sometimes let me think they show something more than the inexperience.
The videos are worse.  I don't keep them around but I remember a few
that looked like the dog knew what he was doing.  The rest?  They'd be
better off if they were labeled comedies."  He sighed.   "I hope you
weren't one of the drugged ones.  You or Sam."

I shivered.  I knew what he was talking about.  Dope up the woman,
sometimes trank the dog, and make the film.  Pretty scummy thing to
do.  Most people never noticed--or cared if they did see it.

"Somehow we escaped that trap.  It was offered and I turned it down.
I'd seen too many of the girls come and go by then and druggies were
always the first to get discarded.  Turns out the market for vids that
have obviously drugged people isn't very big.   When it comes to
animals, two things sell.   Humiliation/degradation and fake zoophilia
when the woman seems to seek and enjoy it.  The first is easier to
fake than the second.  It's also more popular."

"I imagine you've figured out something else, too.  Love isn't
photogenic.  The besti 'money shot', in spite of the evidence from the
emails, is still the tired one of making the dog pull out so you can
see him spurting all over.   That and the blow job.  Gods, I'm sick of
all those blow jobs I've had to give Sam.  They're boring for both of
us, but it's what we get paid for."

"In the business, I was 'that dog slut'.  All I wanted was acceptance.
I knew that would never happen if I ever hinted that Sam was more than
just a way to make easy money.  I was ok with living that lie until I
got on the net--and met you."

Tom stopped me.  "What does all this have to do with me?  I'm cynical
enough to feel a grim satisfaction that you've confirmed a lot of what
I suspected but..."

I sighed again.  "I'm not surprised you don't see it.  Can't you see
that it's the social conditioning that made her act the way she did?
She didn't try to see you as an individual, and judge you as a person,
not a member of a group?  Isn't that what we want from the world?  We
admit that not all animal fuckers are the same.  We have our abusers,
out rapists, even our own pedophiliacs.  Until recently, even the ones
who should have known better judged us as a group, seeing only the
worst.  It's all they knew."

I reached and touched his face.  He flinched slightly but let me
lightly stroke his cheek.   "I can't blame you for fearing all women
after what happened.  But I think that the reason you haven't been
able to *understand* is because you haven't been able to see what
happened as an isolated, although not uncommon, case that happened to
involve you.  That sort of attitude is exactly what we're
fighting--because we fuck our dogs.  She was conditioned to react the
way she did and she never questioned her beliefs.  Why should she?
Everybody else shared them--or so she thought."

* * *

I looked down and studied our joined hands.  'What had it cost Jolene
to tell me part of her story?'  Her hand had trembled at first but as
she continued, it had steadied.

I sighed and didn't look up.  "I see your point.  I've never been fond
of hypocrisy, especially my own, when it's shoved in my face.

"My balls were functionally destroyed, my hopes for a future family
taken away...

"Simply because a woman was lying to me about her open-mindedness and
the system supported her in spite of the evidence to the contrary."

I sighed again and looked up.  "Did you know that if a person is told
they're 'scum of the earth' often enough,  they start to believe it?"

She flinched.  I held on to her hand and shrugged.  "So, how did you
escape that trap?  Or did you?  I know I didn't."

I let go and lost myself in paying attention to Jupiter.  "This guy
tore the door open, but I had to learn to trust him before I could let
him lead me out of mine."

* * *

'Damn',  I thought to myself.  I'd always thought that I had a pretty
good understanding of Tom.  A few simple sentences had destroyed that
illusion.  They also got me thinking.  Somehow, during all these
years, I'd never understood that I'd only seen the obvious trap.  I'd
never realized there was another, more emotionally shattering trap I
could have stumbled into.

"Tom?  I don't know.  I never knew that trap was there."

I thought about it some more.  "No, that's not true.  I knew it was
one of the hazards of becoming a porn star.  I made myself strong
enough that I never saw it as a 'trap' but as just part of what went
with the job."

He nodded.  "Not as innocent as I was, then."

I sighed.  "Yes."  I felt like I'd never been that innocent but this
wasn't the time to tell him that.  Instead I gestured at Jupiter.
"How'd you wind up with him in the first place?  I can't remember you
telling me that story.  Willing to share it?"

In stead of answering directly he looked at me and smiled a bitter
smile.  "How?"

Without turning his head he spoke softly.  "Jup!  Watch!"

Jup's head jerked around and he stared at me.  The friendliness was
gone.  I was facing cold eyes that dared me to move.

Tom was quiet.  "Move your arm slowly in my direction."

I did and was rewarded with a soft, rumbling growl.  I froze.  Sam
alerted and shifted so he could see all of us.  I could feel him tense
in preparation for an attack.  "Sam.  Relax.  It's OK."

I looked at Tom and saw his twisted, bitter smile still in place.
"Jup.  Friend."

The confrontation was over.

Tom was calm.  "I needed a guard dog after the trial.  I worked with
several dogs.  Jup and I 'meshed' the best."

I shivered.  Jup had gone back to shamelessly begging for attention.
I couldn't forget the promise in his eyes.  'Hurt Tom and you're mine.
All...  Mine."

I wished I hadn't known enough to recognize the look.  Unfortunately,
even though he wasn't trained to be a guard dog, I'd seen that look in
Sam's eyes when his original owner had threatened him for not paying
attention to his 'orders'.  I'd bought him immediately and agreed to
keep using him as my sex partner.  After the purchase Sam looked to me
only for directions.  If anyone else tried to tell him what to do they
got a snarl for their efforts.

I could appreciate what Jup did for Tom.

He was a firm wall Tom could trust to always be there.  My mind
drifted sideways.  'Had Sam helped me avoid the trap of believing what
others called me?'  Probably.  Probably more than I would ever fully
appreciate.  Tom, on the other hand, must know quite well what Jupiter
represented for him.

"Didn't take long for trust to change to love, then more, did it?"  My
question was gentle.

He shrugged.  "By the time it got that far I was convinced being a gay
bottom was my only real option in life.  What woman would want me even
if I could get past my fear?  I was incomplete and no longer a man in
my own eyes.  What easier solution than finishing the job she started,
and becoming a female for other men?  At least I might find some love
that way."

His lips curled in contempt.  "Gay men don't try to destroy your balls
if you're an anal erotic."  He paused a heartbeat and whispered
bitterly.  "Only your life as a man--to protect themselves."

I winced.  

He saw the wince and laughed at me.  "Letting Jupiter fuck me was a no
brainer.  He was here and obviously willing.  He'd already made it
clear that he was ready to treat me like a bitch in heat."

He laughed at my discomfort.  "So I let him.  I haven't looked back
and thought the decision was a bad one."

He recaptured my hand.  "Now you know.  Jup already loved me.  I won't
tell you how many times he'd proved it.  No future as a man so I had
nothing to lose and lots to gain if I let myself love him.  If he
wanted sex, he'd earned it.  The first time wasn't easy for me but
once it was over, and he'd stayed the same...  Well..."  He shrugged
and looked away.

I bit my lips in frustration.  Four years of intimate conversations.
Four years and I thought I'd known Tom completely, in spite of the
secrets I knew he'd held back.

I *knew*.

But something inside insisted I play devil's advocate.  Not for my
sake, for Tom's.

"Tom?  *Can* you function as a male?"

He flinched and stared at nothing for a long time before he answered.
"The doctors told me I can.  I can get erections and masturbate to
orgasm while Jupiter is fucking me.  But, I hear what you are asking.
'I don't know.' Does it matter that much?"

I leaned over and kissed him, then pulled far enough away so that our
eyes could meet.  "No.  And to tell you how little it means in the
long run, in about five hours I can prove it to you."

He studied me a long time.  "Five hours?  That's pretty definite.
How?"

I shrugged and looked away, then back.  "Las Vegas.  Marry me.  I
think four years has been long enough for us to wait and decide."

I let my grin show.  "I don't know about you but I *definitely* know
which hotels allow dogs in the rooms."

His jaw dropped.  Then he closed it.  "You're serious?"

"I am.  Never more."  I smiled and kissed him gently.  "Take the
chance.  Let another animal fucker share your life.  I have for four
years already.  Nothing you've said or done has made me doubt my
love."

I wrapped him in a hug and let our bodies mold to each other.  "Well?"

His hands were tentative but they were exploring my back.  "Tomorrow.
Right now I'm too comfortable to get up."

I knew it was a promise.
---

Stasya T. Canine
February 12, 2006
----

"Youthful arrogance. Where are you now?
   Dead. Long dead and better so."
       -- Liaya Stevens --
~~~
http://www.furnation.com/Nikkolai - Furry, general audience

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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