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Message-ID: <52862asstr$1137571805@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: "Yotna El'toub" <yotna_eltoub@hotmail.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Review  004 A Night in May at the Red 5 - by Franz Kafka.
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Date: Wed, 18 Jan 2006 03:10:05 -0500
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Review A Night in May at the Red 5 - by Franz Kafka.

Storyline

<Brief outline only>

A man wanders into a bar, here he notices a woman observing him.
Soon he realises he has seen her before, and at the last meeting
his girlfriend expressed her desire for the nymph. A quick text
to his girlfriend sets off any evening, and more of passion.

Merits

<What was worthy of comment>

The initial meeting and escapade, is handled in an authoritative way
by Katka, our hero's girlfriend. The action builds and then the three-
some head away from the bar. There is an expectation that the story
will kick back into a description of the affair. But Franz times a
wonderful diversion that cuts into the established flow in a masterly
way, frustrating yet holding our anticipation of events to come.

This device is used to great effect throughout the story. In effect
creating 'oasis' moments for the reader to luxuriate in.

Another nice approach is that our hero is critical of his girlfriends
choice. He makes it fairly clear that although she is a model she is
not his 'type'. Of course sex drive overcomes this reluctance, but it
is there and a pleasant contrast to the common 'faultless' beauties of
sex stories.

The sex is raw, at times almost painfully so - yet it has a real
quality to it. Wild but meaningful. A touch of brilliance is added by
the simple sharing of Katka name. The 'twinning' effect of sleeping with
two women is nicely reflected by this simple device.

Just at the point when the relationship tetters on the claustrophobic
Franz introduces new characters, and with them the transition into group
sex. I must try the trick in the disco just once before I die! May be not
to Jennifer Lopez though - it would kill my baby boomer street cred :-)


Demerits

<What detracted from the story>

There is some unusual phraseology, but this is easily forgiven as Franz is
a German living in the Czech Republic and is writing in a second language.
In many respects this adds to the story, and makes us feel we *are*
somewhere different.  

Some of the sex is a little detached from emotion for my own taste.  This
is of course the flipside of the rawness and immediacy of the sexual
liaisons.  The move from safe sex, to unprotected sex seems a little
unreal. Judging by the frenetic activity, and the ease of it, I doubt if
either party would trust the other quite as easily.  

The life style of the characters sometimes approaches a bohemian ideal,
reminiscent of Paris between the war (as I understand).  I find this a
little odd at the start of the 21st Century, and post-AIDS.  I only mention
this due to the 'part-true' nature of the story (admittedly the sex is
described as may be fantasy so this is again forgivable.  

In fact I was scratching around for demerits...


Atmosphere

<How well evolved was the environment> Marks out of  20 <15>

Both in terms of the background, drug fuelled and liberated, and the actual
description of places this was excellent. Examples of both follow:

'Both the girls were smoking (Katka and I had agreed that neither she nor
any guests would smoke in our apartment).  

"We were smoking," my girlfriend started to speak, "and since it was so nice
outside, we stayed here. Besides --", she had noticed my inquiring look on
the butts in the ash-trace, "-- Mary Jane joined us for a while."

The other girl smiled at me, half innocently, half teasingly and I was
damned sure she knew exactly how to give her face that special expression.
Certainly she had cultivated this skill since her childhood.'


'Outside the club situated near the town's historical centre, was a parking
place, which was owned by the town. Perhaps fifty cars found a place, but
now only five or six cars were parked. In the week the average citizen went
to bed early and the people, who went into a restaurant or into a bar, did
this by foot (or took a taxi when the weather was bad). The zero tolerance
for alcohol was a threat for each driver though in this town the risk to be
caught in a routine patrol was almost zero, too.'


Workflow

<How well did the story progress and develop> Marks out of  20 <16>

This was interesting, with those well timed 'breaks' I enjoyed so much.
Some of these detailed the locations and others the emotional background
to the story and central relationship. I Like the ending, with the exposure
of the 'secret' that we have been allowed to peek into.

Eroticism

<Just how erotic a read is this (erotic, not sexy!)> Marks out of  20 <15>

Well there is a lot of sex, a fair amount of it purely of the gratification
type. However it is not a typical 'stroke' story. The liberal environment
gives the whole piece a bohemian feel. As do the interests of the
protagonists.

Mechanics
<Note English is a second Language for this author, and the scoring
reflects this fact.>

<The boring bit, grammar, typo's etc.> Marks out of 20 <14>

Well there are some issues, but few that impinge on the enjoyment of the
story.  The phraseology as mentioned elsewhere is at times unusual, but to
me it added rather than detracted from the story.  

Impression

<What did I feel having read the story, did I want to read more?> Marks out 
of 20
<15>

Yes is the easy answer to that, however the sex is a little lacking in
emotional feel for my own taste.  The non-sex parts of the story (the oasis
moments) are refreshing and give a real feel for an unknown city.  I want
to know more about that, and the central couple in the story.  I will go
back and read the earlier stories.  

Raunchy, bohemian and yet somehow gritty.

Total score

75 Yotties out of 100.

Readability guide     00-20 must try harder.
                            20-40 needs development
                            40-60 readable
                            60-80 good read
                            80-99 should read
                            100 reserved for my stories :-)

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Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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