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Message-ID: <52839asstr$1137276612@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: "Yotna El'toub" <yotna_eltoub@hotmail.com>
Mime-Version: 1.0
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Review 001 - Kids Nowadays by Keillis
Lines: 100
Date: Sat, 14 Jan 2006 17:10:12 -0500
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d
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Kid Nowadays by Kellis


Storyline

<Brief outline only>

Note: This story contains underage sex. Do not read if this concerns you.

Ted's introduction to the delights of sex at the tender age of 13.  Written 
in first person.

Merits

<What was worthy of comment>

The atmosphere is beautifully crafted, I'm not sure why but I got strong 
over tones of  `Cat on a hot tin roof', no bad thing. The characterisations 
are generous and given the short length of the story detailed. There are 
some really impressive descriptive lines.

`The staircase is in the foyer.  I follow Claire up to the second floor.
She has a nice, cheeky ass that stretches her shorts smooth.  Her legs
look good too.  Very good.  Suddenly I'm surprised to realize just how
thrilling a woman's leg can look.  That shape, the thighs tapering to
the knee and the calf bulging to lift her up a step, everything smooth
as velvet ... wow!  My bikini gets tighter.'

As a description of a 13 year olds view this is nice, and the staccato 
sentences say a lot about his rising interest. <One aside bikini in the UK 
would only be used for a woman's two piece swimming costume - this bemused 
me for a while J>

The `female dominated' feel of the piece is interesting, this is a woman 
orientated society. At least at the point we view it, on a summers day when 
the men are (presumably) elsewhere.


Demerits

<What detracted from the story>

Oddly one of the merits is also a demerit, I feel the presence of an adult 
male `cameo' in the story could have added some tension. On the tension 
side, the story unfolds a little to easily for our protagonist. It's all 
`laid on a plate' for him - having him spy on Claire during her `intimate 
acts' could have added more texture to the story. The felling that it all 
just happens to Ted, is may be a little over played.




Atmosphere

<How well evolved was the environment> Marks out of  20

Wonderful, well observed and created.       16.

Workflow

<How well did the story progress and develop> Marks out of  20

Good, no jolts everything fitted (pun sorry!)       14.

Eroticism

<Just how erotic a read is this (erotic, not sexy!)> Marks out of  20

Well realised `first' (actually not) experience.      14

Mechanics

<The boring bit, grammar, typo's etc.> Marks out of 20

Few problems that I saw as a reader.      15

Impression

<What did I feel having read the story, did I want to read more?> Marks out 
of 20

Left me with the feeling that a lot of background thought had gone into the 
creation of the story, and that Ted inhabited a real world. I would like to 
read more about Ted and his experience - and that can't be a bad thing!      
                                12

Total score

71 Yotties out of 100.

Readability guide           00-20 must try harder.
                                 20-40 needs development
                                 40-60 readable
                                 60-80 good read
                                 80-99 should read
                                 100 reserved for my stories  :-)

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-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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