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From: pseudorandom@fastmail.fm
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Subject: {ASSM} Dana: Incident Report Log (f-solo Mf fb?, exhib, mc?, best, weird)
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Date: Sun, 30 Oct 2005 01:10:02 -0400
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Just.  Plain.  Weird.

P. Random



-- 
http://www.fastmail.fm - Faster than the air-speed velocity of an
                          unladen european swallow

<1st attachment, "Incident.txt" begin>


Incident Report Log
(f-solo Mf fb?, exhib, mc?, best, weird)
by pseudoRandom


Incident Report 2114-B6
Filed 2 SEP 2004, 11:02:36 AM EDT
Agent B6

At or around 10:36 AM, a young naked woman (age est. 14) entered the 
Quickee Mart at 2601 K St, NW.  The cashier, Robert Suzuk (age 21) looked 
startled, but did not comment.  The other patrons did not appear to 
notice.

The young woman went directly to the prophylactics, and took a 12-pack 
of lubricated Durham Bulls from the rack.  She proceeded to the checkout 
line behind two other patrons.  She displayed increasing agitation at the 
wait, and was heard to mutter "Come on" as an old woman in front of her 
carefully counted out coins.  The young woman paid for the condoms with a 
mint $100 bill that she had been carrying folded up in her hand.  Suzuk 
had the following conversation with her:

Suzuk:  Will that be all?

Doe:  Yeah, yeah.

Suzuk:  You, ah, seem to be in a bit of a hurry.

Doe:  My boyfriend's waiting in the car.

Suzuk:  He sent you in for these?

Doe:  Well, we need them now.  Could you hurry it up?

Suzuk:  And 29 makes nine, and 10, and 30, and 50, and a 100.

Doe:  Keep the silver.

The young woman then dropped the coins on the counter and exited the 
store.  Suzuk was unable to follow her to determine her destination.  He 
held the following conversation with the next customer:

Suzuk:  That's something, isn't it.

Customer:  (shaking head)  They're getting younger every year.  This 
country's going to Hell, I tell you.  [deleted]

Suzuk was unable to account either for the young woman's actions or the 
lack of notice drawn by her nudity.



Incident Report 2115-A2
Filed 2 SEP 2004, 11:45:01 AM EDT
Agent A2

Shortly after 11 AM, an attractive naked girl (age was estimated by two 
witnesses as 14 or 15) with short blonde hair approached the loading dock 
of the Safeway Supermarket at Nebraska Ave and 41st St.  She asked Jose 
Martinegro, dock worker, and William "Bill" Phillips, truck driver, if she 
could have some empty cardboard boxes to use for moving.  Martinegro 
showed her the pile of boxes waiting to be disposed of, and apologized 
that there weren't more, but they'd just taken apart and compacted the 
others an hour before.  The girl picked out two suitably undamaged boxes, 
thanked the men, and left.

Each man reported that since the other didn't comment on her nudity, he 
wasn't going to either.  Phillips later confessed he assumed he was 
hallucinating due to exhaustion.  For similar reasons, neither man 
followed to see what she did with the boxes, though both were curious.



Incident Report 2116-B6
Filed 2 SEP 2004, 12:12:12 PM EDT
Agent B6

At or around 11:51 AM, a young naked woman (age est. 14) approached 
mounted Metropolitan Police Officer Daniel Oznick as he directed foot 
traffic around a demonstration at 16th and Pennsylvania.  She asked him if 
his horse needed to be masturbated.  Officer Oznick replied negatively, 
adding that it was a gelding.  The young woman thanked him, then 
disappeared into the crowd.

At no time did Officer Oznick display any sign that the young woman was 
violating public decency laws, or that her request was unusual in any way.  
Her description is consistent with that of the woman described in Incident 
Report 2114-B6.



Incident Report 2117-A2
Filed 2 SEP 2004, 12:59:59 PM EDT
Agent A2

For about a half hour between roughly 12:05 and 12:35 in the Corcoran 
Gallery, a male painter and a nude female model attempted to copy 
Piazato's DELILAH SHEARING SAMSON (gallery 13).  They were seen doing this 
by Jane and George Veblen (both of St. Paul, MN), Col. Richard Branding 
(USAF, ret., Falls Church, VA), Felicia Todd and Brandon Marks (both of 
Silver Spring, MD), and security guard Lionel Robinson (Washington, DC).  
All six noted the unusual setup for a student painter: instead of painting 
directly from the original, the model was holding the exact position of 
Delilah, and the painter was working from her.  This worked, the Velbens 
explained, because the sunlight from the gallery windows illuminated the 
model in exactly the same manner as the figure in the painting.  However, 
none of the six thought the model's presence unusual enough to warrant 
comment.  When asked, all witnesses agreed that the dark background of the 
painting, including the reclining Samson, was substantially complete in the 
copy.

When asked what he thought of the painter, Robinson said that he assumed 
that the painter was a student with the usual permissions from the museum 
office to copy one of the masters.  He couldn't account for the use of the 
model, which he allowed was "fair unusual.  But artists are strange folk, 
you know?"

The model was described as "an attractive, well-formed young blonde, about 
14, quite good at modeling -- I'd like her for my human figure class" 
(Jane Velben), "a cute girl in her mid-teens" (George Veblen), "a 
teenager" (Col. Branding), "a girl, maybe a year or two younger than me" 
(Todd), "a total fox" (Marks), "white, mid-teens, about 5'3" or 5'4", 110 
pounds, short blonde hair, couldn't see her eyes, medium breasts, no 
distinguishing marks anywhere on her body" (Robinson).

The painter was described by Robinson as "white, in his mid-20s, 5'8", 150 
pounds, black hair cut short and spiked, thin goatee.  He wore a white 
smock with smudges of paint on top of a black turtleneck and faded 
blue-jeans."  The other descriptions of the painter were all vague (the 
model attracted more attention) but substantially agreed with Robinson.  
Jane Veblen described him as a "poseur."

Visitors to gallery 13 a few minutes before 12:05 and after 12:35 saw no 
sign of either person, or that there had been anyone painting there.



Incident Report 2118-B6
Filed 2 SEP 2004, 1:23:00 PM EDT
Agent B6

At or around 1:04 PM, a young naked woman (age est. 14) was seen 
masturbating in a remote display of the History of Flight exhibit in the 
Air & Space Museum by Cynthia Vander Waals (age 78).  Vander Waals 
described the incident as follows:

    It was in the back corner, around behind the model turbine engine,
    where no one could see unless you went there.  She was leaning
    against the railing, one hand in her cunny, the other alternating
    between diddling her clit and pinching her nipples.  Oh, she was
    so adorable!  If I was 10 years younger, I'd've stepped up and
    kissed her right there.  As it was, I watched from 5 feet away.

    She was completely silent, except for the sound of her hands in
    her wet cunny.  I could see her breath catching when she took in
    her shallow breaths, but I had no idea how close to coming she was
    until she started shuddering, and a beautiful rosy flush spread
    all over her body.

    Then Minnie, my partner, called out, asking where I was.  I turned
    to answer her, and when I looked back, the girl was gone.  I rushed
    out into the open area of the exhibit, but there was no sign of
    her.  (sighs)  Goddess, she was gorgeous!

The incident was not captured on security cameras.  The description of the 
young woman is consistent with that of the woman described in Incident 
Reports 2114-B6 and 2116-B6.



Incident Report 2119-A2
Filed 2 SEP 2004, 2:09:12 PM EDT
Agent A2

At around quarter of 2, an attractive naked girl approached Steve 
Williams, floor clerk at Politics & Prose Bookstore on Connecticut Ave, 
and asked where Diana Wynne Jones was shelved.  For about 10 minutes, 
Williams assisted her.  The girl claimed to have read all the author's 
books they had in stock, and she declined to have others special ordered.  
They talked about other, similar authors, and according to Williams, the 
girl declared that Jones was "way better than Brian Jacques."  Williams 
suggested that she try Sherwood Smith, and the girl took a copy of CROWN 
DUEL upstairs to the cashier.

Williams described the girl as "14 or so, about so high (gesturing 5'4" 
high), blonde, short hair -- rather cute, actually."  When asked about her 
nudity, he said, "I'm really into naturism -- I just admired her 'nads 
for, like, doing it in public."

No other clerk or customer noticed the girl.  No cashier on duty at the 
time remembers helping anyone of the above description, and the store's 
computer records show no sale of that book today.  The security gate did 
not detect any attempts at shoplifting.  The book was missing from the
shelves, but the manager admitted it but may merely have gotten reshelved 
elsewhere in the store.

Except that the timing makes it unlikely that they are the same person, 
from Williams' description, the girl sounds exactly like the one seen in 
the Corcoran, reported previously.  Both girls are consistent with the 
description of the girl in the earlier incident at Safeway, also reported.



Incident Report 2120-B6
Filed 2 SEP 2004, 2:18:32 PM EDT
Agent B6

At or around 11:30 AM, a young naked woman (age est. 14) entered the Young 
Minds day care center (3214 Tilden St, NW) and assisted Leshawnique Seldon 
and Luiza Mendez in their duties for about 20 minutes.  Neither Seldon or 
Mendez thought the appearance of a stranger unusual, and were grateful for 
the help because some of the children had gotten into a fight.  According 
to Seldon, the young woman sat down on the floor with children not 
involved with the scuffle and played with wooden blocks with them.  Mendez 
agreed with Seldon's story, but admitted she wasn't paying attention.  
After things had calmed down, the young woman got up and left the center.  
It wasn't until after lunch that Mendez realized that the young woman had 
been naked, and mentioned it to Seldon only because she was worried about 
parents finding out.  On being reminded of the stranger's earlier 
presence, Seldon now also realized she had been naked.

On questioning, none of the children reported remembering her.  However, 
when Delia Hashito-Robinson (age 38) picked up her son Elton (age 3), he 
told her that he liked the nice woman who had "sucked on his wee-wee."  
As a result, the police were immediately called to the scene.  Seldon and 
Mendez vigorously denied having touched any children in any sexual way, 
and blamed the mysterious stranger.

The description of the young woman is consistent with that of the woman 
described in Incident Reports 2114-B6, 2116-B6, and 2118-B6.



Incident Report 2121-A2
Filed 2 SEP 2004, 2:29:12 PM EDT
Agent A2

According to an outdoor security camera, a naked girl was outside the 
Panda House exhibit at the National Zoo for five minutes.  At 2:14:15 PM, 
she wandered into the field of view, and leaned over the railing next to a 
group of tourists watching Ling-Ling.  There, she watched the panda, 
moving closer to him as people left, opening up space.  None of the people 
present seemed to notice her nudity.  At 2:19:01, she stepped back, 
letting a small girl take her space, and moved on, leaving the field of 
view at 2:19:12.

None of the identifiable people in the videotape who would have seen her 
(including one man for whom she pointed out the panda) can be located.  
From the quality of the recording, it is hard to tell, but her appearance 
is consistent with the girl described as appearing in Politics & Prose.  
By the timing, it is possible that they was the same person.

A copy of the videotape is attached.  Perhaps Image Analysis can get a 
sharper picture of her.

This is getting weird.



Incident Report 2122-B6
Filed 2 SEP 2004, 4:35:19 PM EDT
Agent B6

At 4:31:14 PM, a young naked woman entered the foyer of the Supreme Court 
Building.  Her appearance was consistent with that of the woman described 
in my previous Incident Reports 2114-B6, 2116-B6, 2118-B6, and 2120-B6 
[see attached sketch].  She passed through the security gate without 
eliciting any unusual notice.  She then approached me as I stood outside 
the public rest-rooms, and said:

    If you guys don't stop following me, I'll kick your balls off.

Before I could respond, a grenade went off in the lobby of the Supreme 
Court [see news reports].  In the confusion, I lost track of the young 
woman, and have not been able to find her.



Incident Report 2121-A2
Filed 2 SEP 2004, 5:46:57 PM EDT
Agent A2

During the security lockdown in the Congressional Office Building 
following the recent attack on the Supreme Court, Rep. Tom Meyers (R-NB) 
returned to his offices at around 4:45 PM.  He told receptionist Carol Li 
and staffer Daniel O'Keefe, both present in his front office, to "Let 
[him] know when things blow over," and that he'd be catching up on his 
mail; then he entered his office.  At either 4:49 (Li's desk clock) or 
4:51 (O'Keefe's watch), a naked girl entered the front office and told Li 
she was "just here to see Daddy."  Neither Li nor O'Keefe thought this was 
unusual at the time, even though they both knew that Rep. Meyers had no 
daughters, but two grown sons.  The woman is described by Li as about 
white, in her mid-teens, about 5'4", with short blonde hair but no 
distinguishing features; O'Keefe described her as "a total hottie -- whee!"

According to Rep. Meyers, shortly after he returned, a obviously underaged 
naked woman, entered his office.  When asked what she was doing here, she 
offered to give him "a blow-job that would knock my socks off."  Before he 
could prevent her, she knelt in front of him, undid his pants, and started 
fellitating him.  He was, he claims, powerless to stop this -- "she was as 
good as advertised."  After five minutes, she got up, knelt on the arms of 
Meyers' office chair, and began having sex with him.  Again, he claims he 
was powerless to prevent her.

At 5:01 (Li's clock), Shelly Meyers, Rep. Meyers' wife and staff lawyer to 
the House Armed Services Committee, entered the front office and asked if 
her husband was here.  Li, who claims to have forgotten the girl's 
presence, said he was, and O'Keefe, with a similar lapse in memory, 
volunteered that he "was just reading his mail."  According to Mrs. 
Meyers, when she opened the office door, "Tom was fucking a little slut on 
his desk."  Li, who reached the office door 2 seconds after Mrs. Meyers 
screamed, saw the girl getting up from the desk, where she'd been lying on 
her back, and Rep. Meyers with his slacks around his ankles.  The girl 
retreated behind the desk to evade Mrs. Meyers, who then attacked Rep. 
Meyers.

In the ensuing confusion, the girl disappeared.  No one can remember her 
presence more 30 seconds after Mrs. Meyers' entrance.

The desk tape recorder is currently in the possession of Mrs. Meyers' 
lawyers, and cannot be consulted yet.

It sounds like the same girl.  What the fuck is going on here?



Incident Report 2124-C1
Filed 2 SEP 2004, 10:03:27 PM EDT
Agent C1

When Agent A2 did not report at the time he was scheduled to go off duty 
and did not respond to calls, Agent B6 and myself went to his hotel room.  
When no one answered our knock, we broke in.  No one was present.  The 
room was disarrayed, but not evidently ransacked.  None of Agent A2's 
possessions were present.  Hotel security has no reports of anything 
happening on this floor.

On top of the TV was a handwritten note and five Polaroid photographs 
[attached], arranged in a row as follows:

(1) Agent A2 is standing, holding the door of the room open, while a naked 
girl kneels in the doorway in front of him, fellitating him through his 
unzipped pants.  His eyes are closed in what looks like ecstasy.

(2) Agent A2 is laying on his back on the bed.  The girl is on top of him, 
head thrown back, engaged in vigorous sexual intercourse.  Agent A2 has 
his hands on her breasts, and is laughing.

(3) The girl is on the sink countertop in the bathroom, leaning back 
supported on her arms, legs spread.  Agent A2 is sodomizing her.  Both 
people are wet and dripping, and the mirror is fogged.  The camera is held 
at an angle to prevent the photographer being seen.

(4) Agent A2 is on his hands and knees on the floor of the hotel room.  
The girl is behind him, roughly sodomizing him with what appears to be a 
strap-on dildo.

(5) This picture is underexposed, but it appears to have the girl on her 
hands and knees with a large German shepherd dog mounted on her; Agent A2 
is kneeling behind the dog, evidently sodomizing it.  [Image Processing 
confirms this description; see attached enhancement]

The note says "I warned you guys."  According to Agent B6, the girl is the 
same one who approached him in the Supreme Court.  Image Processing 
identifies her as the same girl captured on camera at the National Zoo.  
Forensics is currently analyzing Agent A2's hotel room; in an informal 
verbal report, the agent on the scene said, "It looks like there was an 
orgy here."

Until we find Agent A2, we may not know what happened.


-END-
<1st attachment end>


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