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From: Vivian Darkbloom <vdkblm-OBLITERATE-SPAM!@yahoo.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} Sangrelysia - Chapter 5 {Mg magic}
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Date: Fri, 14 Oct 2005 09:10:03 -0400
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                         Sangrelysia - Chapter 5

                          by Vivian Darkbloom

   The King scowled, frowning at the scroll unfurled on the desk
   before him. On either side stood a tall, muscular armored guard.
   The one on my right was Roderick, the captain of the guard, who
   (like me) had seen the days before George's ascension to the
   throne, following the untimely death of his predecessor, Sylvia's
   father.

   "I heard about your antics last week," growled the King.

   "Antics," I replied. "Don't know anything about those. Ants,
   sometimes, in the kitchen if I leave out brownie crumbs. Then I
   have an Aunt Nellie in the countryside, but I don't think she has
   ticks. Unless she has a nervous tic that comes out when I'm not
   around."

   Roderick was struggling not to laugh, so I winked at him. He
   coughed furiously.

   "Your antics in the marketplace," continued the King angrily,
   "have resulted in the complete dismantlement of my campaign
   against the terrorists from Valeplysia!"

   "Actually, there's no such word as dismantlement. You could say
   `dismantling,' or perhaps find a more suitable root that wouldn't
   require a suffix, `collapse,' for example."

   The King ploughed on in ignorance: "Do you realize that I didn't
   gain a single recruit on that day? And furthermore, inspired by
   your inexcusable interruption of the recruitment meeting, a group
   of men decided to set out on a peace envoy to Valeplysia?"

   "I can't tell you how disappointed I am to hear that," I replied.

   "What's worse," continued the King, "Someone has spread a rumor
   that the women of Valeplysia are more beautiful than those of our
   fair Sangrelysia. . ."

   "Might be on to something there. Well, maybe it's a
   grass-is-greener sort of thing -- Er, I mean, how awful! Who on
   earth should spread such a terrible rumor?"

   "And -- how shall I say it -- of looser moral virtue."

   "Some long words there," I said. "Better calm down, or you'll
   wear yourself out."

   The King's gradual reddening continued. "And because of those
   rumors," he whined, "I've lost all of the recruits I once had!
   They've all decided to join the peace envoy!"

   "Deplorable!" I exclaimed. "Young men would rather frolic
   orgiastically with beautiful young ladies instead of breathing
   the glorious stench of rotting flesh on a blood-drenched
   battlefield riddled with maimed corpses and severed body parts.
   What is the problem with today's youth?"

   "Young women, too!" he nearly shouted.

   "Hm. Setting off to meet the beautiful young ladies of loose
   virtue. I like that."

   "Stop joking around! This is a serious matter! We're talking
   about the war on terror."

   "Yes, given that you're the biggest terrorist in these parts, I'd
   say we are. Say, Roderick, could we offer you a glass of water or
   something?"

   At this Roderick completely lost it, slapping his thigh and
   doubling over briefly with a burst of laughter, then snapped back
   to standing attention with solemnity. "OK, I'm better now."

   King George glared at me. "Wizard, you can be replaced, you
   know."

   "So can you," I retorted.

   "No, because I'm Divinely Appointed."

   "Meaning that, your ego tells you that it's the voice of God, so
   you take that as proof that God talks to you."

   "The Wizard Elwrong subdued the red dragon of the North."

   "Did he? And that was such a good idea."

   "The people of the North can go about without being afraid of the
   dragon."

   I snorted. "So Elwrong's at the end of your leash now? What other
   foolhardy enterprises has he embarked on at your bidding?"

   "Subduing the dragon was not foolhardy."

   "Did it ever occur to you, that maybe it's the dragon that keeps
   the mundanes from invading our world? And that without it, we
   face the possibility that magic will be dispelled resulting from
   an influx of boring lackluster morons from the world without
   magic, causing disruption of the supernatural metasphere, by
   their lack of imagination?"

   "Oh, now we can't let all this defeatist talk stand in the way of
   progress, can we? You just don't care about business. The dragon
   is bad for business. Elwrong is a wizard, just like yourself,
   only he has a name. And he assures me that there's nothing to
   worry about." King George smoothed out the scroll on the desk in
   front of him.

   "Convenient that he justifies your policies when you pay him to.
   The only similarity between us, is that Elwrong has a tiny bit of
   wizarding training, which his teacher ended summarily once
   Elwrong revealed his proclivity for being sleazy, exploitive, and
   power-hungry." Like you, I thought silently.

   The King dipped a quill in the inkwell in front of him, and
   proceded to slowly spell out his name at the bottom of the
   scroll. "I've decided that the princess needs to spend some time
   visiting her aunt in the countryside. You'll be escorting her."

   He signed his name in an uneven scrawl that would have been the
   shame of many a 5-year-old. I was surprised he didn't get any of
   the letters backwards.
     ____________________________________________________________



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