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Message-ID: <52198asstr$1129079401@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
NNTP-Posting-Date: Tue, 11 Oct 2005 16:56:36 -0500
From: hungry@stoolmail.zzn.com (Hungry Guy)
User-Agent: Xnews/2.09.30
Subject: {ASSM} {ASS} CELL DIVISION {Hungry Guy} (nonhuman ScFi humor flash}
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Date: Tue, 11 Oct 2005 21:10:01 -0400
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{ASS} CELL DIVISION {Hungry Guy} (nonhuman ScFi humor flash} 
BY:  Hungry Guy (hungry@stoolmail.zzn.com)

Author's Notes: Do bacteria get horny? This story first appeared in 
The December 2004 issue #124 of Bewildering Stories at 
http://www.bewilderingstories.com/issue124/cell_division.html

    ###

    Eukaryote swam in the hazy sunlight that filtered down through 
the fetid swamp water above him.  

    Prokaryote, had been swallowed by a larger bacterium earlier that 
day, and Eukaryote missed his friend.  Reminded of hunger, he began 
waving his cilia in search of free protein molecules.  It was 
exhausting work, but after feeding to his fill he went cessile to let 
himself float to the bottom. 

    It had also been hours since Eukaryote had last divided and he 
was feeling horny again.  He waved his cilia in that way that felt 
just _so_ good.  He kept it up, and felt his orgasm building.

    "Oh man!" he sighed as his prophase began.  He could almost feel 
his new kinetochores and kinetochore fibers form inside him.

    "Oh Man!  Oh God!" he moaned as his metaphase began, and his 
chromosome began to attach to his new kinetochores.  He could hardly 
control his wildly flapping cillia. 

    Then his DNA began to replicate.  His mitochondria began working 
extra hard to provide him with the energy he would need soon for his 
mitosis.  He could feel his single DNA molecule pulling itself in 
two, then attaching the resulting two parts onto opposite sides of 
his cell wall.  

    "Oh man, that feels so good!" he moaned again as his anaphase 
began.  He was almost there.  He could feel his cell membrane 
stretching -- stretching -- almost to the breaking point.

    "Oh God!  Oh God!" he screamed in ecstasy as his chromosomes 
ripped apart.

    He began thrashing as he reached his telophase.  It was the 
creepiest feeling as his nucleus reformed; yet the orgasmic sensation 
overwhelmed any and all discomfort.  He could almost feel himself 
split in two at this point, though his offspring was still firmly 
attached.

    Finally, "Here it comes!  Here it comes!" he screamed in ecstasy 
as his cytokinesis phase began.  The intense pain and pleasure of his 
cell stretching -- stretching -- until...  "Yeow!" he screamed as his 
common cell wall ripped apart leaving two genetically identical 
partners where there had been just one.

    His powerful orgasm left him famished.  Eukaryote asked his new 
offspring, "Was it good for you too?"

    "Oh yes!  It was wonderful!  The best we ever had!" he answered -
- being asexual, both of them shared the same memories up to this 
point.

    His offspring looked to be already scouring the waters for free 
protein molecules to sate his own hunger, so Eukaryote got his cilia 
in motion and began searching out dinner as well.

        * END *

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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