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From: "Carol C" <cobillard@hotmail.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} A reader asks: Why were there so few fathers at Mom's Friend's House?
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Date: Thu,  9 Jun 2005 12:10:01 -0400
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
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While I have largely finished with this series of reminiscences about my 
growing up in a community of families whose lifestyle had been shaped by 
connections with a sexually-oriented sect, I continue to receive queries and 
comments. I can't reply directly, but from time to time I feel the need to 
write in a bit more detail about a particular aspect of our lives.


This essay answers the question of why, if sex was so important to us, there 
were so few adult men in our lives.

The short answer is that most of our mothers had, in one way or another, 
been -- or thought they had been -- abused or taken advantage of by men. And 
from the standpoint of introducing children to our holistic lifestyle, it is 
clear that men who did not grow up in our way, who did not have a Children 
of God past, would usually or often be troubled by seeing their daughters at 
sex. And more so, seeing their daughters enjoying sex and taking command. 
The regular presence of fathers and other men created a number of risks, in 
part related to potential accusations (probably unjustified, but there you 
are) of pedophilia and abuse, but more simply stated just the fact of their 
disquiet. A mother can sit, like Madame Pipi in the Paris toilet, doing her 
knitting while penises are exposed to her, innocently or not, all day long. 
A man may well be unable to sit still as girls or as girls and boys cavort. 
This is something that Mom's Friend found out early on, and I don't think a 
father was present on more than one or two occasions at a coming-out party. 
Fathers did, from time to time see their daughters come to terms with a 
penis, come to love and enjoy semen on a first or subsequent occasion, but 
if that was the case it was at the daughter's initiative. And in virtually 
every case it was a situation where nudity and sex were openly practiced in 
the family anyway and the daughter would have seen her dad's lovemaking, his 
penis erect and pulsating and sticky with semen and entering and leaving 
their partners' mouths and vaginas.

It was, of course, Terrific Girl's good fortune to have grown up in such a 
context, so she just took it for granted that her father would be proud of 
her lovemaking. Having heard of my incident with the masturbating boy, and 
having been present when I did that experiment of bringing a boy to 
ejaculation with my mouth while he slept, she really wanted to touch and 
feel a penis even before she was ready to make love to it, and her dad, I 
know, encouraged her. Eventually we got a young, precociously developed, boy 
over for her to play with. In retrospect, she could have had sex right then, 
having started to grow breasts and all, but nobody had started to think of 
her that way, least of all Terrific Girl herself. So she played with the 
boy's penis, made it stiff, fondled his testicles and made him laugh 
uncontrollably with the tickling, and then went and got some KY lubricant. 
The boy didn't produce more than a trickle of semen, which was probably just 
as well. Soon after, she felt an urge to play with a penis again and it 
occurred to her that there was no reason she couldn't take it in her mouth, 
or her vagina. And she arranged her own little party. As I've said, Terrific 
Girl has the most sensuous technique with a penis, and she's lovely to watch 
when she makes love. She's always had a train of boys to choose from, every 
one eager for her approval, and every one anxious to please her. She has 
what can simply be labeled "confidence and presence" so that, clothed or 
not, but especially when she is nude, she has a commanding presence and she 
exudes sexuality of the nicest sort: you can look at her breasts, your eyes 
can wander to her pubis, and you know that she is born to share romance: 
some girls look coarse and hard with semen on their lips, Terrific Girl 
looks dainty and saintly. I think it's obvious when you see a girl's first 
contact with, first grasping of, a penis what her attitude is, what she 
wants out of the relationship with this penis and this boy. The most 
important thing is the girl's eye contact, and how she relates -- to the 
boy, and to the audience.

Terrific Girl knew from her earliest consciousness of sex that one day, when 
she had breasts and pubic hair, she would kiss and love penises, and boys 
would kiss and love her vagina. This we all took for granted, which is how, 
when I was horsing around with a boy and we were both naked, his penis could 
find its way into my vagina, seemingly by accident and certainly on the spur 
of the moment, in the course of a simple tumble on the floor. I wondered 
afterwards how the boy managed to get his penis into me so swiftly, without 
lubrication. A girl later suggested to me that, from the boy's standpoint, 
the even may well have been planned, and he probably at least put some 
saliva on his penis first; anyway at his age the penis wouldn't have been 
too big to slide in quickly.

Later I would wish my Mom could have been there, and indeed that I could 
have made a bit of a party over my defloration. But at age 11 it was one of 
those things that just happened: a life-altering experience that came about 
without a thought. But, indeed, many girls find themselves in an unexpected 
situation where, suddenly, an opportunity is there, and they need to decide. 
While I was alone with the boy at the moment (one of the other mothers 
passed by a minute or so afterwards, and so there was no secret, and why 
should there have been?), mostly for my friends first sex would be with 
others there. And this is true even if it was spontaneous. Indeed, it might 
be "spontaneous" for the girl in question, but "arranged" from the 
standpoint of her friends, who would have chosen the boy, fixed things just 
so, and contrived to bring his penis into her personal space, even up to her 
face, in a way that she couldn't do much else but welcome and love it.

On one occasion, when I was 14 or 15, a man came by with his son and 
daughter. His partner had left him and he had custody; my recollection is 
that she was bipolar and unable to cope. His concern -- like that of so many 
uninformed fathers -- was that his son would or might grow up gay if he did 
not learn to enjoy heterosexual sex early on. One of his friends or partners 
had introduced him to Mom's Friend. She had told him that we were 
family-oriented and that he could not just bring his son, but even -- indeed 
especially -- if his daughter was, as he said, much too young for sex she 
would benefit from exposure to nudity and to our religious and cultural 
philosophies.

The guy didn't come by when expected, but that was no surprise: many 
families opted out at the last minute, or came by to visit and never 
returned. But he did show up one day unexpectedly, and Mom's Friend was 
away, accompanying Terrific Girl's dad on one of his many business trips. 
Terrific Girl's dad was a particular exception to the above rules because he 
had, indeed, a Children of God background and he was totally committed to 
gender equality, to the absolute right of every girl to assert herself and 
to enjoy a climax, and to nudity and sexual expression with friends and 
family about. It was quite plain that Terrific Girl's dad took pride, and 
quite innocent vicarious, parental pleasure, in seeing his daughter choose a 
boy, arouse him, take his penis in her mouth, and receive and swallow Holy 
Communion in the form of his semen. It can be disturbing, in fact, to see a 
father aroused by the sight of his children having sex: I don't mean that he 
shouldn't be reminded that he would like sex, and inspired to find someone 
of his own generation, but rather that he ought not to find the fact of 
child sex the cause of an erection.

In Mom's Friend's absence, and with my Mom at work, it was left to Older 
Girl to deal with the visit. She was used to introducing new kids, to being 
hostess at our nude dance parties, and in general to reassuring young people 
that sex was nothing to be apprehensive about and that inhibitions were a 
primitive holdover from a mainstream religious culture that sought to 
control women's sexuality and to blame and "guiltify" them for men's 
sexuality. Older Girl's strategy was to get visitors as soon as possible 
down to the basement or into the backyard, places where they could be 
comfortably naked. Now she also had to round up enough young people to make 
a "quorum"; I was one of those she called on.

Part of the trick to getting a newcomer's mind off her or his past and to 
evade any lingering guilt or restraint was for Older Girl never to stop 
talking, never to give her target a chance to think. She made it seem quite 
natural and normal to undress, at least down to underwear, in the basement. 
Already there were several boys and girls there, some totally nude, 
chatting, playing a board game, watching TV, listening to music: their 
nudity was seemingly irrelevant to what they were doing, or playing at. The 
newcomers hesitated, but Older Girl had already undressed herself and now 
she was helping the New Arrivals' dad to unclothe. I asked The Boy if he 
wanted help, and, embarrassedly, he said no; and reluctantly and slowly he 
started taking his clothes off while looking around at the others seated 
about. And, especially, at me: and specifically at my vulva. Of course the 
fact of his staring gave me the opportunity to hurry him on. He was 
embarrassed, though, that his penis was sticking straight out: I had to 
explain to him that girls generally, and I in particular, thought it was 
gorgeous and I would love to inspect it closely just as soon as The Girl was 
taken care of.

The 16-Year-Old Boy, who in those days was my regular partner for sex, tried 
to volunteer and he would, I thought, have been ideal for this girl. His 
penis was of a really grand sort -- not huge, mind you, but with a nice 
bulbous tip and a lovely slit that I loved to run my tongue over; and his 
scrotum was big, almost out of proportion to this penis, and his balls 
usually loose. Also, he had a fetching smile. He was the kind of man-child 
you want to walk down the nude beach with so that the other girls can admire 
his penis and envy you. (With a semi-transparent swim suit, I guess one can 
accomplish the same thing anywhere.) Although I was later to lose interest 
in him, that was not because he was unskilled sexually -- indeed his penis 
is one of the loveliest I've known -- but that as I got more education he 
seemed to lose ideas and we wound up with little to talk about. (Today you 
can talk to him about baseball, basketball or commercial refrigeration, and 
not much else.)

The Girl, however, was small, only 11, and her dad kept saying she was only 
there to watch and to learn, as Mom's Friend had suggested. (And, I need 
hardly add, required if his boy was to be admitted.) Older Girl said that 
The Girl still ought to disrobe and, although it was clearly bothering her 
dad, she started getting undressed, taking off her bulky outerwear. Right 
away it became obvious that, 11 years old or not, she was not "little" 
except in terms of height. Like me, she was maturing early: her breasts were 
like those of a 13-year-old. A couple of boys immediately got interested and 
stopped what they were doing to come over and chat. When they caught sight 
of her hips and her pubic hair a minute later when her jeans and panties 
came off, the boys rudely came right out and asked her if she was a virgin. 
I thought she might cry, and I got between them and her and I hugged her. 
Her father stood back, hesitant to intervene. Now having seen his daughter 
undressed (for the first time since she'd matured?) he ought to have come to 
terms with her body and realized that she would have a penis inside her 
before the hour was out. But his protective demeanor was unchanged: she 
remained his little girl; her breasts and pubic hair were invisible to him. 
I wonder what he would have said and done if he had known what was about to 
happen.

Older Girl pulled the Newly Arrived Dad away, then, and sat him down to try 
to distract him. I don't think it had occurred to any of these three New 
Arrivals that even The Boy was going to have sex. It seems that they were 
going to learn about our way of life and "perhaps" The Boy would seduce or 
be seduced, and "saved" from the "menace of homosexuality". That's how a 
number of fathers of boys brought to us thought. It is equally possible that 
the Newly Arrived Dad had plans to push his son into sex with one of us. My 
recollection is hazy and my diary just has the names, the date, and the fact 
of the seductions and penetrations. Older Girl had told The Girl to stay 
with me while she talked to her father. I drew The Boy over to the other 
side of the room, close to where there were other kids hanging about, and 
The Girl and her group followed, seemingly entranced. The Boy still had his 
half-erection, and still smiled sheepishly. I escorted him confidently. I 
smiled, nodding towards his penis, trying to give him confidence and 
specifically to signify that he should never be embarrassed by a fine 
erection. Or partial erection.

I then gave a little sex education lecture. I said how a girl was empowered 
by being unafraid of a boy's penis, by knowing how to avoid or defuse 
aggressive impulses, by refusing to be coerced, by taking charge. I told how 
we, in our faith and our culture, knew that the penis and the breasts and 
the vagina were the most beautiful as well as the most expressive, parts of 
the body. And how the mystery of arousal and orgasm and ejaculation brought 
us to Holy Communion and to the literal Body and Blood. By now I had taken 
The Boy's penis in hand, and fondled it and his scrotum and I after a minute 
I took his penis into my mouth, stroked it with my tongue and made it quite 
stiff. I had long ago decided that oral sex was the best introductory sort, 
especially for kids under 13, and that penis in vagina could wait: a few 
hours, a few days, even weeks or months. And although it was normally our 
rule that a boy should not be allowed to have his orgasm before the girl had 
approached hers, I hadn't followed that rule in my year on the houseboat 
when I seduced all those boys, and I wouldn't on this occasion either. I 
wanted The Girl to see and to learn and to copy.

When The Boy suddenly grunted and ejaculated a first stream of semen into my 
mouth I wanted everybody to see it. I wanted him to be proud of it, and to 
know how much I appreciated it. At the risk of making a mess and at the risk 
of reducing his pleasure, I opened my mouth a bit while still stimulating 
the underside and the end of his penis with my tongue so he wouldn't stop 
ejaculating. By the time the spurts of semen finished, my tongue and lips 
and cheek were covered with puddles and drips and drops of semen. I 
explained to The Girl that this was her DNA too, and that she might like to 
play with a penis and learn her own potential. I told The Girl that she 
should never let anybody tell her that there was anything less than holy 
about semen, and about a girl taking into her body: her mouth or her vagina. 
A penis was fun to play with, I said. Fun to kiss and fun to love. I assured 
her that she could stop anytime; I knew of course that this was something of 
an exaggeration: she wouldn't want to stop once she had experienced the 
onrush of orgasm, or even the promise of it happening.

The Girl hesitated. There were two candidates for her vagina. If it bothered 
her that they were staring at her breasts and her crotch and giving less 
attention to her face than it deserved, she didn't say, and perhaps didn't 
notice. She was still becoming acclimatized to a room full of nude kids, 
some of whom were fondling each other's sex parts. Perhaps she hadn't seen 
an erection before. I called over one of the other girls and suggested that 
she and one of the boys might like to perform mutual oral sex to show the 
newcomers how much fun it was, how lovely a sight it made, how gorgeous 
penis and vagina were at work.

That took one of our eager boys out of the competition for The Girl: he lay 
down and our regular girl visitor got on top. Now we could see her tickling 
his penis with her tongue, exciting him and stiffening it. She moved her 
head up and down at a steady cadence, and the boy moved his groin up to meet 
her and to signal what speed gave him the most pleasure. Meanwhile, we could 
see how he kissed and made love to her exposed vagina and clitoris. I moved 
a lamp around so everybody could see how her excitement was changing the 
appearance of her vagina, It  was wide open now, and the boy's tongue 
stroked over it, up and down, and circled outside its opening, occasionally 
darting in and pressing against the vaginal wall. I knew how this felt, and 
my hips moved involuntarily in unison, and it attracted the attention of 
both The Boy and The Girl. From time to time the boy on the floor would take 
his partner's soft parts into his mouth and kiss and suck on them. His 
girl's appreciation showed in her eyes. Now we could anticipate her orgasm 
and of course we wanted them to come together, we really wanted to see her 
boy ejaculate. The Newly Arrived Girl was transfixed. The Boy was stroking 
his own stiff penis. I pushed his hand away and started fondling it myself, 
lightly caressing it up and down and rubbing my palm across its head. I 
moistened my hand and stroked it a bit more strongly.

Then, without waiting for the couple on the floor to finish, I left The Boy 
and got The Newly Arrived Girl seated in a chair, while her suitor found 
some excuse to kneel in front of her. Somehow he hypnotized her to the 
extent that while he gently pulled her legs apart to admire her vaginal area 
she did not, or could not, resist. Then he began kissing her vagina: less 
thoroughly than the boy on the floor had kissed his partner's, because one 
doesn't have the same great access when a girl is seated and her vagina 
isn't high in the air. He would stop every few minutes, though, so her 
brother and I could see his progress. His saliva and her vaginal mucus had 
made the chair very wet. With his fingers he pulled her labia further apart 
and inspected her clitoris, which he repeatedly kissed. His tongue would go 
inside her vagina and then flick over and around her clitoris in a regular 
cycle, and she leaned back in the chair and moved her body about and her 
breasts bounced around. And she had a climax, perhaps her first. Nobody but 
Older Girl was paying attention to her dad; and Older Girl was caressing the 
man's penis and kissing him deeply. He was flattered by this young girl's 
attentions, and explored her breasts and her vagina each time her hand left 
his penis and scrotum.

Although we hadn't intended for her boy to put his penis in her vagina and 
had expected him to ejaculate in her mouth, before long their lovemaking 
took an unexpected turn, as lovemaking often does. The Newly Arrived Girl 
was down on the floor and her partner was kissing her on the mouth and 
stroking her breasts, and, intermittently, caressing her clitoris and 
exploring her vagina with his hand. She may not have wanted him to kiss her 
with his mouth when it had so recently been at her vagina; or maybe, like 
us, she didn't care. Either way, that's what he was doing. And in another 
minute his penis was inside her. I realized there was a risk of his coming 
inside her and that she certainly hadn't thought about contraception; I 
rushed to get some contraceptive foam. By the time I had returned, though, 
it seemed that one of them at least had realized the risk. The Girl was 
still lying on the floor, and now he was hunched over her from another 
direction. His penis was in her mouth but it was no longer moving; her mouth 
was open a bit and there were traces of semen on her lips. He was smiling 
delightedly; she was smiling in a puzzled sort of way. As he moved his body 
away from her head we could see that she hadn't swallowed yet. Her mouth was 
still full of semen and she was perhaps trying to decide what she should do 
with it. I remember thinking how lovely it was that she hadn't been brought 
up to think that vaginal fluids were repellant, or semen repugnant, or that 
a penis was anything but lovely and kissable. I went over and told her that 
semen is God's gift and is meant to be loved and swallowed.

The semen disappeared, swallowed. But she remained transfixed, unable to 
speak, amazed with herself and what she'd experienced. But so was her Dad 
transfixed: his penis was erect and Older Girl was keeping it that way, but 
he was agitated. Older Girl correctly supposed that whatever emotions he was 
feeling, good or bad, could most readily be dampened by orgasm. Yet, when 
she took his penis in her mouth he was made even more uncomfortable by the 
fact that his two kids were watching him. They, it seems, had already 
accommodated our way of thinking and a part at least of our sexuality, and 
it seems not to have bothered them as much as one might have expected that 
his big, hairy penis was erect and in the mouth of a young woman. Older 
Girl, of course, new how to maximize sensuality and to show off to best 
advantage the penis she was making love to. She also knew what to say, and 
while she couldn't very well carry on constant chatter with his penis in her 
mouth, she said enough so that he started paying attention to her and not to 
the presence of his children.

Older Girl had her man seated now at the edge of the sofa, his balls overt 
the edge of the cushion. For a while she cupped his balls in one hand. She 
was kneeling slightly to the side of him and his penis was in plain sight, 
and she spent a some time just licking its tip taking just the tip into and 
out of her mouth, occasionally running her tongue all over. Then, when she 
sensed ejaculation coming, she licked the tip hard with her tongue so that 
the first spurt went directly up and onto her face and The Boy and The Girl 
could see their dad at joy. Then Older Girl pressed her lips tight against 
the penis and pushed her mouth down over it, trying to give him greatest 
pleasure and draw out of him as much semen as possible: to savor and to 
enjoy it and to receive its best blessing. One sensed that she was 
concentrating hard on the task, working hard at making her partner happy. 
Finished she let her partner toy with her breasts and she giggled as he 
fondled and caressed her. She asked if he would be kissing her vagina the 
way The Girl's had been kissed. There was a brief troubled expression, and 
then assent. And in due course his penis was hard again, and then it was 
inside Older Girl's vagina. But by that time I was back to entertaining The 
Girl and The Boy. (Whatever arrangements, financial or other, visitors and 
parents made with Mom's Friend I was not privy to. But I have always assumed 
that parents took care of the costs of accommodating their kids.)

Those two kids spent the weekend with us. Older Girl thought it important, 
as Mom's Friend did, that young people not confuse sexual joy and romance 
with monogamous love and commitment and not let concern over the "rest of 
their lives" interfere with the here-and-now of sexual learning and fun and, 
above all, its spiritual value. Sex should be learned by young teens from 
peer guidance and from experimentation -- they should act out their impulses 
and fantasies and learn from that. Friends should be watching and, 
sometimes, helping -- as when a girl finds that holding her legs in a 
certain way is tiring, or can't tell whether her vagina is showing itself 
off to best advantage. (She may not have a full view of her boy's penis 
entering, but her friends will want to take time out from their own embrace 
to mark that ultimate of sexy moments.) Or when one partner engaged in 
mutual oral sex gets carried away and slows down. Or when a young, 
inexperienced boy needs reassurance, telling him how better to excite a girl 
and deal with her complex vaginal area, or when to present his penis to her 
face, or how to react when his penis is in her mouth. Or proving to him that 
his penis is lovely and that we all are happy for him and for his partner, 
and he should never thing that his semen is anything but a providential 
blessing and a lovely sharing. That's for the inexperience boy.

For older or more experienced boys, having friends and family around keeps 
him on his best behavior, eager to please you, anxious over your climax. 
Girls, we think, have an equal right to enjoy sex for its own sake, and they 
need to learn what to demand and how to demand it. On the weekend there were 
other boys and girls around, and although we were supposed to restrict 
ourselves to a single partner for a single 24-hour day, there was no adult 
around to enforce the rule and every time I looked they were with a new 
partner. For an 11-year-old, it seemed to me that The Girl was quite ahead 
of my own capacity and skill at that age. Whereas in the beginning I was 
apprehensive that I was not doing the best jobs possible on boys' penises, 
The Girl had an innate confidence. She would start kissing a boy on the lips 
and embracing him, and no sooner were his hands on her breasts than her hand 
would be caressing his penis. And she would want to have 
soixante-neuf-style, mutual oral sex so, as she said, others could admire 
her vagina. She asked how she looked, and someone took an instant picture 
and showed it to her, and she approved.

When somebody mentioned Mom's recommended position for defloration parties, 
she wanted to try that, lying at the end of a bed, with a couple of girls 
helping her hold her legs in the air because she couldn't get them to stay 
back otherwise. The boy she chose for the event kissed and sucked on her 
vagina while we all watched and then, when she reached the cusp of orgasm, 
he stood up and propelled his big penis forward in a way that allowed us to 
see it penetrating and then moving back and forth, up and down, and finally 
coming inside her, her boy falling on top of her to embrace and kiss her 
again, then, perhaps, playing with her breasts and having her play with his 
penis, toying with its stickiness, squeezing out a few drops of semen to 
lick. It really was lovely. But perhaps it was just as well that her father 
had left. Afterwards The Girl said that if she'd seen that penis erect, big 
and fat, beforehand she would never have imagined it would fit so easily 
inside her.  We reminded her that it's because we insist that boys lubricate 
us and excite us orally first that we don't have much of a "fitness" 
problem, even when it's our first time. It even hurts much less then, if at 
all.

I always though how marvelous and natural it was that kids who come to sex 
during puberty can, overnight, lose their discomfort and self-consciousness 
over nudity. Once they see how normal and natural orgasm is, how 
philosophically and physically urgent sex is, regardless of their stage of 
development beyond the start of puberty, they benefit from the experience. 
Many of those who come to sex later do so with guilt and other complexes and 
never achieve the same sexual liberty and the same degree of constant 
pleasure. The boys who had to leave us for misconduct never were boys who'd 
first come as toddlers and spent holidays throughout their youth. Such boys 
would be spotted by Mom's Friend or by my Mom just as soon as they sprouted 
a first pubic hair, and they'd be groomed, indeed, to acknowledge their own 
puberty. I don't think any boy I ever knew at Mom's Friend's House ever had 
an actual "wet dream". Not even a first one. I suspect that a lot of boys 
did masturbate because there was no chance they were ever going to have sex 
as often as they might want or need it. But any boy who was living or 
staying with us would have sex, oral or vaginal, a couple of time in any 
week he was there. And of course there were the nude dance parties: there 
was at least one a month in Our Town, at Mom's Friend's House or at the 
homes of our likeminded friends. To my mind, the romance and lovemaking at 
those parties was deeply satisfying; anybody with the capacity -- and that 
was everybody, I think, could count on at least two orgasms. Even girls who 
thought it wildly improbable. The atmosphere was that sexy, with kids 
dancing nude, dancing with erections, taking time out for sex, showing off 
vaginas and erections and semen.

I have repeatedly said that sex by a couple alone is only half as much fun 
as sex with family and friends about. Like justice, orgasm and ejaculation 
"must be done and seen to be done"; and, like the mail, they should be done 
"early and often". From what I understand, early learning and early 
experience lead to a need and a want and a capacity that carry on to the end 
of life. Who can deny that prolonged sexuality and sexual joy make life 
itself more fulfilling? The early experience certainly gives kids the 
knowledge they need to make critical decisions with respect to marriage 
(choice of a partner) and child raising (carrying on the tradition). One 
universal result is that no girl who lived or visited with us would ever be 
discomfited or discomforted or intimidated by being in the presence of boys 
and men with erections, or couples having sex, whether or not she herself 
was interested in sex at that particular moment. Sex took a proper place in 
life, an important place certainly, based on our early exposure to it. Mom 
said that she saw this with the kids born years before me to her friends in 
the CoG.

There is a transformation of boys also due to early, family-oriented sex, 
but it is something of the opposite: rather than being aggressive and 
arrogant, any boy allowed to stay or continue visiting in our community 
would have to be or become tolerant of our ways, eager to please, and indeed 
skilled at cunnilingus. A boy should demonstrate an element of shyness over 
his penis, awaiting the first move, the first flirt, from the girl. 
Over-eagerness can be counterproductive. And if he is good the word will get 
around: girls do compare notes, and we were above all happy to show off 
while making love to a penis have while having a penis make love to us. The 
things that would get a boy deleted from our address book included 
boisterousness, lack of gallantry and tact. I think it was clear to every 
boy who crossed our threshold that for him to give his semen to a girl must 
never be by way of trying to humiliate her, but rather to share a blessing 
as part of a divine command and a divine message: as Holy Communion, as I 
have constantly written. An erect penis can be aggressive or it can be 
romantic: I think the difference is less in the penis itself than in the 
face, especially the eyes and the speech, of the boy. A boy who is excited 
by me, perhaps to the extent of having seminal fluid leak from the tip of 
his penis, needs to do more than just flaunt that penis if he wants me to 
take it in my mouth: I need to be romanced, amused, cuddled. You can tell, 
just by looking, if a boy is that sort. A boy of interest to us was a boy 
who could not enjoy sex if his girl partner did not equally enjoy it. She 
had to love playing with his penis, she had to want and love his penis 
inside her. And he would love making love to her clitoris, her vagina, her 
breasts, her personality. And the two of them would love playing languidly 
with traces of his semen after their passion was otherwise spent.

We didn't, in fact, have much of a problem with boys if only because they 
were eager to be with us and eager to be invited back. Furthermore, as I've 
written, most boys came to use by way of their mothers being involved in 
Mom's Friend's Children of God alumnae meetings, or staying with us by way 
of refuge after leaving the Church or leaving a relationship. (Such boys 
might come without girls, which is why it was all the more important that if 
there was any scope for insisting on it, we would require a boy to be 
accompanied by his sister, cousin, older girl neighbor, etc.) And boys who 
grow up and see their mothers naked and at sex, and whose mothers have the 
pleasure of seeing their son's penis grow and develop, sometimes seeing them 
asleep, naked with an erection, have a special, mystical relationship with 
penis as with boy. It's important, I think, for such a mother to see her 
son's first ejaculation into a girl, and for the son to show off the event 
to his mom. To have seen her young boy's penis disappear into a girl's 
vagina for the first time, and to see the expression on his face as, minutes 
later he ejaculates, must be a mother's most treasured experience and 
lifelong recollection. That, again, is the beauty of Mom's position: the 
penis is constantly in sight, and the balls too. The movement of the penis 
and the receptivity of the vagina -- and then the wetness of the semen -- 
are vicariously enjoyed by everyone. The young people there, of course, will 
be excited and will be anticipating their own orgasms afterwards. Boys 
always had erections; their girl partners traditionally would tease them 
over it. That adds to the excitement of the celebrating couple. As for the 
mothers of the boy and the girl, they can celebrate their successful 
childraising: this is the first step to adulthood, a stepping stone indeed 
to choosing a life partner. A celebration of fecundity and ecstasy.

How the occasion of a defloration proceeds for the boy will depend, as I've 
written, on his age. An 11, 12 or 13-year old boy will be happy for his mom 
to take down his briefs after she escorts him to the girl's bedroom. This 
gives him reassurance that he is doing what is expected of him, and doing it 
right. If he's never had a real orgasm, as may sometimes be the case, he 
will be reminded of the wondrous joy he's going to have. A 14- or 
15-year-old boy won't need any of that. He almost certainly won't be a 
virgin and he'll probably have showered with the girl beforehand and then 
accompanied her into the room and then wait for her mother to position her 
on the bed. In that case, of course, both of them will already be nude and 
his penis probably already at least half-erect. (Much to the chagrin of 
mothers of the virgin girls, popular attention seems to shift from the girl 
to the penis as soon as it is erect. That, I'm afraid, is a fact of life and 
love.)

Being shy must never be confused with being embarrassed. Embarrassment is 
unknown to us: nobody Chez Nous is embarrassed by an erection, or the lack 
thereof. Shyness, by the way, seems to increase with age and a 12-year-old, 
even if his penis is only halfway grown, never hesitates and seems to know, 
without prompting, how to approach his girl's vagina with his tongue, 
although he may need advice about her clitoris. In part, I think such a boy 
is making up for his insecurity over his penis by assurance and certainty 
over his tongue and over the vagina; but in the end the boys' erections 
don't fail them because that's not what they are thinking about: by then 
it's the vagina that has captivated them.

Older boys seem to worry more, perhaps fearing failure or inadequacy, and 
so, ironically, it's even better to have his mother there by way of 
reassurance. I've heard people suppose that a boy might have difficulty 
getting an erection with his mom present, but I've never seen that to be a 
problem. A girl knows, because she will have seen older kids doing it and 
anyway her mom will have told her, how to excite the boy's penis with her 
mouth as much as she needs to for it to get and stay erect. But it probably 
won't be obvious to a young girl that she should look for pre-cum and show 
excitement over it, and lick it off or at least put it on her finger and 
bring it to her lips. This is another strategy that tends to reassure a boy 
and keep his penis hard. Most of the things that go with sex a girl (or a 
boy) will know from observation if s/he has spent a lot of time in a 
sexually-liberal place, or if her/his mom has been uninhibited and 
unabashed. My Mom never shut her bedroom door and always encouraged me to 
watch her from a distance and was happy for me to see her ministering to her 
partner's penis and seeing her enjoy his semen. I always knew how a penis 
worked and that semen came out of it and made both partners happy. Mom told 
me what it tasted like, and it for a long time it was a "forbidden fruit". A 
girl, with us anyway, never has any doubt over what she is supposed to do 
when the boy's penis is presented to her mouth. I think once the concept, 
the normality, of penis in mouth is accepted, the rest is obvious.

It never occurred to me that there was anything odd about seeing a man offer 
his penis to Mom, and for her to show delight and put it in her mouth; and 
then to want him to kiss her vagina. I don't think most people are aware how 
common "sex education by showing" really is, especially among intellectual 
families. I recall being very small and having my Mom show me her partner's 
erect penis, and trying to explain what it was for. Not every partner of 
hers was eager to have a little girl examine his erection, even from a 
distance, but most didn't mind. Those who'd had a Children of God background 
knew that it was normal curiosity and a learning occasion. I was 10 or so 
before I actually touched a penis, and that was when I saw a boy not much 
older masturbating and I offered to help him, and I remember that I got a 
bit of semen in my eye as a result. I thought it was funny. Everybody else 
knew what was coming for me. At Mom's Friend's House I would certainly have 
been looked after, even coddled, invited to have a formal defloration. This 
was, however, at our First House, and there wasn't that child-focused 
theology of sex, and the protectiveness that Mom's Friend imposed. I was 
more or less left to my own devices.

To return to the main point under discussion, there was another reason too, 
why boys were well behaved. Boys could not come alone, at least not the 
first times. They had to bring a girl, who would usually be family, a sister 
or cousin, sexually experience or not, but certainly sexually open. At our 
nude dances there was no way a brother and sister could put off the 
undressing, since clothes had to be left in the anteroom and couples were 
expected to disrobe, or perhaps undress each other, right away. It was sort 
of a custom that a boy and girl would admire each other's sex parts and 
perhaps fondle each other at that point, whether or not they knew each 
other. Girls always wanted to tease their dates by trying to get their penis 
erect as soon as possible. And with every other girl enjoying the sport. As 
for siblings, I've already written a lot about this, usually describing how 
the boy would have to try hard not to stare, and not to resent it, when a 
strange boy's penis penetrated his sister's vagina or when his sister made 
it obvious that she was delighted to have the penis in her mouth and happy 
to swallow the semen. Still, any boy who had more than a moment of that 
disquiet to see his sister, vagina in the air, her boy's tongue deep inside 
it; or penetrated in Mom's favorite position, obviously would have lost the 
plot. Boys, anyway, quickly got used to the fact of their sisters making 
love; indeed, the boy's own partner would often enough accelerate the pace 
of her, and their, lovemaking. I don't quite know the logic or reason, but 
if a girl saw her partner watching his sister at sex, this might stimulate a 
jealousy or a competitive urge of some sort in her. And of course the best 
way for her to show off her vagina and her enjoyment was for them to engage 
in mutual oral sex, girl on top. Showing off that way paid dividends: I 
found that I attracted the attention of lots of boys, and that I would have 
my choice of dates and sex partners for weeks afterwards. All for the reason 
that they had seen my vagina, seen me make love, seen me pleasuring and 
being pleased by the penis of the boy underneath me. (Mutual oral sex with 
the boy on top has a lot of advantages, especially for the younger boy with 
a big-small penis because he can easily position it in his girl's mouth, and 
move it about for best pleasure. He can also stimulate the girl's vagina 
quite as well as, or better than, when she's on top. But the whole process 
is far less impressive to onlookers, in my experience and in my opinion.)

"Mom's favorite position" is the one Mom encouraged girls to adopt for their 
defloration, lying back against a stack of pillows, her vagina right at the 
end of the bed, her legs either high in the air and pulled back (perhaps 
with the aid of friends) or, if she can manage it, flat back on the bed. You 
can see a small picture of it at
http://www.angelfire.com/co4/cobil/topl.htm
Although the girl would be slightly contorted, everybody would have a really 
clear view of her lovely exposed, pink and moistened vagina. This is true 
even while her boy kisses it, since he'll be kneeling below. Friends can see 
her progressing excitement, both on her face and at her vagina, and also in 
terms of her stiffening nipples. It's just so nice to see the look of 
anticipation on a girl's face; and nicer still when you can see that dilated 
vagina. You see the boy arise, take hold of his penis and approach her. 
Depending how she is configured, she may grasp and guide his penis. More 
often he would just look to her face for approval and consent and 
instruction. He might rub his penis up and down her vagina, or he might 
moisten its tip with his saliva. Or, sometimes, the girl would ask to see 
and play with the penis for a couple of minutes, and she would kiss and suck 
on it and run her tongue over its slit to look for seminal fluid, if her mom 
had suggested that.

Then the penis is at her vagina, beginning its trajectory. You see it slide 
inside, first the head disappearing and then the shaft. Inevitably everybody 
is moved. Girls would relive their own deflorations. For me, more's the pity 
that I didn't have a party like that, with everybody celebrating my entry 
into sexual maturity and fun. The whole image is so lovely. The whole sex 
act, in that position, can be enjoyed by all. The only drawback is that the 
two bodies aren't intertwined, that the boy can't feel the girl's breasts. 
That, I think, is a minor point. Few men feel and play with their partner's 
breasts during missionary-position sex anyway.

Brothers never, as far as I know, attended a defloration unless they came as 
the sex partner of one of the girl's friends. I heard of that once, and the 
girl kept her hand on the brother's penis the whole time, keeping him 
excited and eager for her. Brothers often saw a sister having sex at a nude 
dance party, and sometimes that would be the girl's first time. Seeing that 
a boy should be reminded by seeing his of his own potential, and he should 
want to acknowledge, by showing off his penis and his sex in front of his 
own sister or cousin, that sex is the most primordial and holy and 
joyous-delightful act that boys and girls do. Mostly the girl would take 
charge here and say something confidence-building to her brother, 
complimenting him on whatever occurred to her: his erection, his gallantry, 
his technique, his semen. Girls are protective of their brothers, but never 
in a way that could be an obstacle to their lovemaking. Sisters, at least 
girls who are sexually active, love to see a brother's penis erect. A lot of 
times it was the brother of a friend of the girl being deflowered who would 
be chosen. That she would be having sex afterwards never seemed an issue. I 
guess it comes down to the double standard, and the fact that even though we 
say that virginity is a nuisance and that we are divinely commanded to have 
sex often and as soon as we are capable of it, society's nonsense "rules: 
and prejudices interfere with our liberties and our duties unless we're 
careful.

The real problem is not false modesty or family protectiveness, but 
irrational jealousy. Even the 60s communes built on the basis of free sex 
and rejection of commitment, could not entirely escape this. The Children of 
God didn't really try: they enshrined temporary marriage as one option, and 
tolerated formal marriage. We follow that route, more or less, encouraging 
free sex until kids reach 18, at which time they leave the protected "safe 
circle" and need to worry about STDs, and the usual social and medical 
risks. Inevitably some of us were more popular than others, even when it 
came to one-day liaisons. Jealousies would have made our life intolerable. 
(It's true I did stay with the 16-Year-Old Boy for about a year. But that 
did not stop either of us from having sex with others if we felt like it.)

A boy so inept that he can't find a partner even when there are available 
girls all around didn't belong with us. There were one or two boys who were 
too shy to approach a girl uninvited, but none who did not respond to 
flirting and invitation. Even a shy boy can be a great sex partner, and even 
a shy boy -- especially a shy boy -- will show off his penis, in a shy, 
self-effacing sort of way. I love that. Many, perhaps most, sisters did like 
to fix dates for their brothers and since they took delight in their brother 
having an erection, would make sure the girl was sexy and cute and eager. 
Well, we all were that, anyway, all of us girls. And all of us, or most of 
us, had mothers who were not hypocrites: they loved sex and loved men and 
loved penises, and wanted us to be ourselves, to enjoy ourselves, to live 
and love safely and well. A penis was, we knew, to have and to hold just as 
soon as it grew a bit and had nectar to offer; and a girl, from her first 
sign of breastlets and her first menses, has had a divine signal of her 
potential and her availability for romance. I know some outsiders are 
horrified to learn of the defloration parties a few of our girls had -- I've 
had a couple of messages to that effect -- but in fact they were lovely. 
There is nothing unnatural about a girl cradling a penis and taking it in 
her mouth or it entering her vagina while her mom and her closest friends 
share the awe and the delight. Or as they marvel at the sight of her first 
semen and wonder if she will take a bit on her finger and taste it, or 
perhaps kiss and suck on the boy's penis and then kiss the boy so that 
together they can savor and be blessed by those sacred fluids. It was a 
tradition that the girl and the boy would not shower and dress until after 
the party, until after those of their friends who, excited, had sex too, had 
finished and had a chance to embrace and the cuddle the couple who had "come 
out". (Well, sometimes the boy was experienced, and sometimes not; that 
depended upon the girl's mother, really; either way he would be 
congratulated, and his penis admired. The shyer he would be, the more 
delight we would take in him: boys knew better than to strut about in front 
of us girls. (No matter how smart, or how skilled, or how good looking one 
is, there is always someone else smarter, more skilled, more good looking. 
And of course that goes for penises too; but we weren't in competition; the 
one time I had a competition of that sort ("The Second Annual Best Penis 
Contest") it was all a joke, as readers of my past essays will know.

Indeed, we always wanted to see it erect again, to see the couple want to 
have more sex, perhaps mutual oral sex where we and they could appreciate 
their sex parts at greatest beauty. I don't know if many mainstream kids 
engage so often and so publicly in soixante-neuf as we did, but I have to 
say it's one of the great tragedies that kids less blessed than we don't 
have the chance to grow up seeing parents and siblings and friends so 
engrossed and so delighted with their mouths at a partner's sex parts, 
enjoying the closeness to beauty and to joy and to Holy Communion. I would 
hope that any children of mine would go through childhood seeing and taking 
for granted that oral sex is normal and nice, and by the age of, say, 12 
would be as clever and skilled at oral sex as those two young kids who were 
at Mom's Friend's House for so many years and who showed themselves off to 
Mom and me when they were 11. As I've said, that kids can have such a 
relationship with their parents, their mom especially, that they rush over 
to seek approval after sex, penis sticky and vagina drippy, testifies to the 
wholesomeness of our culture and our ethic. The point is, basically, that we 
should celebrate precociousness in sex just as we do in every other human 
endeavor. And we should admit that even though monogamy is a worthy aim, it 
is unlikely if couples marry without having developed the proper skills and 
the right criteria to make a proper choice. (Another argument for having 
friends around when you are having sex at age 11, or 12 or 13 is that it 
protects you against collecting emotional baggage. I haven't discussed this 
much, but the justification for allowing, and indeed encouraging, kids to 
have sex as soon as they are physically capable is that it is made safe by 
the presence of friends and the guidance, from not too far away, of adults 
or older kids.)

I can say that while it is generally true that sex-based cults and 
sexually-liberal communes are (for reasons of heightened political hypocrisy 
and "child-abuse" concerns and prosecution) less common than they were, a 
number of the girls I grew up around have done what they could to raise 
their own children -- whether as single mothers or with partners -- in a 
sexually liberal environment. I wrote about the couple who take a nude 
family snapshot every year to record their kids development, including their 
sexual development, and I think that's a great idea too. Rev. Mary's 
practice of delegating sex education and defloration to the kids' peers is 
one way, perhaps, of avoiding intrusive meddling. I've done a little 
research into this, and I hope to write in a more scientific fashion and in 
a more authoritative venue, the arguments in favor of allowing children to 
see others at sex from an early age, and to experiment with sex just as soon 
as their sex parts are ready to give and receive semen.

To whoever it was who asked the question that got me started:
I hope I answered you adequately.

Love,
Carol

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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