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Subject: {ASSM} From teenybopper to grown-up: seeing and being seen at joy
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Date: Tue,  4 Jan 2005 02:10:03 -0500
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"Facing north, the priest said, Desire is lack (how could it not lack what
it desires?). ... Then facing south, the priest linked desire to pleasure.
For there are hedonistic, even orgiastic, priests. Desire will be assuaged
by pleasure; and not only will the pleasure obtained silence desire for a
moment but the process of obtaining it is already a way of interrupting it,
of instantly discharging it and unburdening oneself of it. Pleasure as
discharge; the priest carries out the second sacrifice, naming masturbation
Then, facing east, he exclaimed: Jouissance is impossible, but impossible
jouissance is inscribed in desire. For that, in its very impossibility, is
the Ideal, the "manque-à-jouir that is life." The priest carried out the
third sacrifice, phantasy or the thousand and one nights, the one hundred
twenty days, while the men of the East changed: Yes, we will be your
phantasy, your ideal and impossibility, yours and also our own. The priest
did not turn west. But that is where desire was lurking."

-- The Dogon Egg and the Distribution of Intensities
-- http://fluke.omweb.org/modules/wakka/BwO


This is not so much a personal essay as a program review of ABC's "Sex:
Myths, Lies and Straight Talk", placed in the context of my own life
experience, one which placed sexuality at the center of our lives, with the
full accord and support of our mothers, from the age of about 11, which is
when I became sexually active.


Friends have pointed out to me some important gaps in my autobiographical
essays on growing up and sex in a multi-family environment shaped by free-
and early-sex attitudes inherited from mothers who had lived through and in
1960s communes and religious-sects. Some argue that I have insufficiently
explained the difference between adolescent and grown-up attitudes to sex;
others that I seem to attribute a universality to sexual openness that (they
say) simply doesn't exist.

The ABC 20/20 program in October 2004 addressed, if not the
puberty-adolescence issue, at least that of sexual myths. This note is a
review of that program, insofar as it relates to those articles I wrote. The
program had its own faults and omissions and its "answers" were mainly
anecdotal (as, of course, are mine). Here are the myths it tries to answer
(in declining order, as given in the program for reasons never made
obvious), and the answers provided by ABC:

"Sex: Myths, Lies and Straight Talk", a countdown of ten popular myths about
sex, archived at
http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Video/videoSmil?id=231986
(I think an abcnews.com or a real.com subscription is necessary to view the
program at this site; my workplace has a subscription and I was able to log
on automatically.) I've followed each question with the answer offered by
the program, without trying to argue or to offer my own nuanced opinion. For
my views and experiences, the reader can read on through my own further
essay following the questions. My direct comments on the questions appear
about halfway down.

10. Do single people have better sex lives than married people? (married
couples have more and better sex; and anyway dating is expensive)

9. Does talking to your kids about sex make them want to have sex? (no,
neither parent-child nor school sex-ed; and children are grateful for the
advice)

8. Is having sex during pregnancy harmful to the baby? (not normally)

7. Are short men romantically disadvantaged? (yes; and taller men are more
likely to divorce and then have a second family)

6. Do blondes have more fun (yes, to the degree they get more casual
attention; but some say that brunettes are more reliable as "true friends")

5. Do herbal aphrodisiacs work? (maybe at least some according Dr. Stephen
Lamb scholar of "prosexuals"; a test of "Hot Plants" (M & F varieties)
brought testimonials. The analysts said that certain of its ingredients,
like MacaPure, Catuaba, Rhodiola, are "acknowledged" aphrodisiacs)

4. Does [penis] size matter? (yes, for some or many women; at least those
whom vaginal sex affords regular climax; anatomical fact that vagina is
sensitive up to the cervix; and the thickness of a penis determines
distending of vagina and stimulation of clitoris.)

3. Do women like pornography? (yes, if it's not crude and only it has lots
of romantic content: environment, atmosphere, costume, flowers, language,
storyline)

2. Are women naturally more monogamous than men? (not necessarily;
infidelity is rampant; about 1/3 of guilty parties are women; fun sex alone
is the underlying object)

1. Is there a "seven-year itch"? (4-years is a more accurate time lapse for
seeking affairs)

I will integrate my comments into the essay that follows, which repeats some
of which I have said before and also tries to bring in some of my
experiences in relating to more mainstream people.

----------

Some preliminary notes

I have written extensively about life in Our Town among (mostly) single
parents who had lived as young adults in the 1960s in a sexually progressive
environment. Either, like my Mom and Mom's Friend as members of the Children
of God, where members were encouraged to have sex early and often, girls and
women were sent off to recruit members by "flirty fishing" and children were
encouraged to experiment sexually. Or as members of various libertine
(free-sex) communes. David Berg and the Children of God were not, as it
happens, the first to embrace the idea of allowing and enticing pubescent
and adolescent children to experiment sexually: the philosophy of
"orgonomy", promoted by Wilhelm Reich (1897-1957) predated him ("Respect the
child's developing sexuality and his or her age-appropriate sexual
interactions with peers"), and there were others as well. Many 60s communes
-- like us -- based their lifestyle upon a rejection of nuclear families and
a belief that rotating sexual partners and oral and vaginal sex a parallel
couples and in groups was good. Aside from the fact that children go to bed
early, no effort was made to keep them from watching. In some of those and
in our own ethic, (as in many others -- and not just in primitive cultures)
religion and sex were intertwined and puberty was a quasi-religious rite of
passage quickly followed by active sexual participation.

Thus we enjoyed lots of nudity and no privacy; our mothers made no attempt
to hide their own lovemaking and they effectively invited us, once we
reached puberty, to flirt, engage in sex-play and have oral (especially) and
vaginal sex in front of them and others, all in the name of openness,
integrity and honesty, but also safety. Although I began active sex younger
than most and was already highly active by age 13 when we moved to Mom's
Friend's House. Mom's Friend and the other adults were still free with
advice and kind words. They were constantly arranging connections and
introductions and "dates" through their network of friends. Typically a boy,
or a family, would come over and we were expected to want to see each other
naked almost right away. I have to say that the focus of all the women and
girls was on every new penis that came by, remembering this and imagining
that about it; wanting to see it erect, talking about what this or that girl
is said to have done to or with it. Mom's Friend always had nice remarks to
say about a boy's penis; indeed she would contrive to get kids in the
backyard or downstairs, just as a way of having them disrobe, since those
were essentially clothes-free zones. And my Mom would go along
enthusiastically. She knew more about the penis, I thought, than any woman,
and I loved to hear her stories. When confronted naked by Mom's Friend or
Mom Sometimes, a boy might be slightly embarrassed; on the other hand more
often than not he was used to his own mother making a fuss over his penis.
We all, it seems, came from the same sexually progressive mold.

It wasn't much different with respect to the girls. Mom was proud of my
breasts and my vagina and loved me to wear skimpy clothes and no bra. She
loved it most of all when a boy was excited by my body and had an erection.
I think my yearlong relationship with the 16-Year-Old Boy was a
disappointment to her, not just because (as I came to agree) the boy was a
dolt, but because it removed me from circulation for quite a while, until at
last I got bored with him and he moved on. His penis was quite nice, as I've
written, but even he got to take it, and me, for granted after a while. As
for the other girls, Older Girl was already experienced and self-reliant;
Terrific Girl's story I relate again later on in this essay. Suffice it to
say that both of them, and most of the girls who lived for a long or a
little while with Mom's Friend were, or became, sensuous and sophisticated
and they developed a manner with boys that put them in charge not only of
the boy's penis but all the boy's sexuality. There was simply nothing that a
couple, even a married couple, do in the privacy of their bedroom that girls
didn't undertake or provoke with random boys in front of all their friends.
Above all, the measure of their sexuality was oral sex: cunnilingus and
fellatio.

As the above will suggest, I've come to consider that the symbol of perfect
confidence and trust between mother and daughter (and mother and son:
especially between mother and son) is family nudity and absence of
inhibition and modesty. Another important aspect is the freedom to have sex
spontaneously and to express passion with others around, so that those
others can share in it, visually and emotionally. In the case of peers, the
fun is arousing them and making them pair off to validate and enhance the
whole sexual atmosphere. Remember: I have grown up learning that arousal --
erection -- is the presence of God and that semen is holy communion. If
one's partner is the divine, there is no need for classic love to precede
sex. Sex is validated by its own pleasure, and by the passage of semen.
These are not secret or private theories, but we know that nonbelievers and
captives of dictatorial faiths (which include most religions) are unlikely
to agree, and may react violently. The answer, as with most sects and most
cults and most non-mainstream lifestyles is to live our lives in a private
manner, and to limit evangelizing (if that's what you can call it) to others
of similar view or faith, those who, as a parent, would see only affection
and sacred communion in a penis kissed and a trickle of semen leaking from a
mouth. 

Only lack of time has prevented me from describing all the visits and
interviews I had with mainstream families where common nudity and sexuality
are reserved for a country place, and in summer parents, offspring and
guests frolic freely and have sex at will, couples together and other adults
and teens with their peers. Our views are really not so off-the-wall as some
readers may surmise. I have described and illustrated them anecdotally, and
I've embellished (to fill gaps) or condensed (to avoid repetition and boring
bits) stories and relationships to make a point; but essentially these
essays come from my childhood diaries. For purposes of continuity I've
centered the stories around a few of my best friends. With them as markers,
the essays describe personal facts and incidents and beliefs. Having
finished the series, The ABC 20/20 program has now given me an opportunity
to place the series in the context of mainstream sexual practices, so I've
come, briefly, out of retirement.

The fact is that pubescent and adolescent kids, once relieved of the
neurosis of "inadequacy" and false modesty, love to show off sexually. Kids
who are physically normal like to be naked; their secondary sex
characteristics mean a lot. They are proud of their susceptibility to
arousal and their ability to flirt and have sex. They need only to know that
adults will not be critical or dismissive. Obviously this is best learned,
like any theology, from birth; but we have "converts" too, even if we are
only slightly missionary-oriented. Our theology traces itself from the
Children of God; "flirty fishing" was exactly such missionary effort to
demonstrate the identity between God and love. But even outside religion
(and everywhere religion and sex are intertwined) this is understood at a
primeval level. Even in mainstream society, nude parties and dances such as
we held, are common. The penis is feared, and yet intuitively loved:
pre-marriage, or at least until their adolescent urges dictate otherwise,
girls are synthetically and hypocritically denied knowledge, view and access
of the arousal and excitement process that releases the medium of holy
communion: ejaculation and semen.

I found, at Mom's Friend's House, that young girls from outside generally
didn't know how to handle a penis or how to play with it properly. This is
not to say that they can't make it ejaculate, but that they can't control
its excitement and the process of orgasm to maximize the boy's emotions and
pleasure. Partly this would be because their boy partners were too shy to
say anything; as often as not, however, it was because the girl didn't
listen or didn't pay attention. Or, if they were brand-new to sex, they
hadn't had the advantage of growing up exposed to penises, erections and
ejaculations, and they hadn't seen other girls making love. Most mainstream
girls really don't know the basics about how to give a penis maximum joy
over maximum time, to tease it, to excite it gently without tickling or
hurting, and, especially, to play with the boy's testicles and his scrotum
and his thighs. I know this because so many girls have watched and copied
me. But I know what I know only because Mom has explained and shown me
things, and because Mom's Friend forced boys she brought over to speak up.
In fact, for a boy to be the co-star of a defloration party (described in
earlier essays, and again below) he had to commit himself (or his mother had
to commit him) both to helping girls learn what makes boys tick, and to
himself paying attention to girls' sexual needs and preferences. Such boys
were very casual about showing and explaining their penises, even about
giving a running commentary and instruction to a group of girls as one of
their number had his penis in her mouth. Some of these boys were really
young, too, and I thought it remarkable that a pair of 13-year-olds, perhaps
a girl recently deflowered and the boy who had done it, had so much to teach
to older and seemingly more experienced kids. But Mom's Friend always picked
partners and couples for a reason, and wisdom and experience were her usual
criteria. (When she told a boy's mother once about this, and the mother came
by and watched from behind, I thought Mom's Friend was just making mischief
But, as always, Mom's Friend knew what she was doing. It was one of those
families where the mother had raised her boy to know himself and his penis,
and to have sexual awareness and consideration. Mom's Friend wanted the
mother to see just how successful she had been. The boy's penis wasn't
finished growing, yet it was giving and making love and joy. And the boy was
totally unselfconscious. The girl drove him to distraction and at the end,
when he came, his penis bounced about in her mouth and he cried out almost
in distress with the intensity of his pleasure.)

As I've said, any girl can put a penis in her mouth and make it ejaculate;
but the point of flirting and foreplay and lovemaking is to build up sexual
excitement gradually to a crescendo, an irresistible urgency exploding in
orgasm and ejaculation. I often had to tell girls to slow down and use their
brains and sensibilities more than just lips and tongue and fingers. A girl
needs to learn how to hold the penis, needs to condition herself to keep her
eyes always open, to look in the boy's eyes from time to time, then back
(admiringly) at the penis, putting it in her mouth, taking it out. And then
of course making a dance of semen, showing it off, showing how much she
enjoys it, swallowing it. And playing with the penis yet again, to show that
it is still important to her, that she will want to make love to it again
later. That's why exposure to others making love is so important, and it's
important from a young age. A little girl may pretend to be repelled and
make funny noises and giggle, but she is learning the art of love. And a
little boy, too, when he watches from afar. The same principle applies,
indeed for boys: they should see girls' vaginas, and know their beauty,
their need for special love, and how nice it is for a man's tongue to caress
them and to love their liquidy taste and fecund smell.

Our mothers fought against mainstream hypocrisy in that sense: we were
taught that sexual organs are beautiful and to be tactfully admired; that
apart from marriage and childbearing, sex and love are related and yet
independent. In emotional maturity one shares her body with someone she
loves, and that is a time for monogamy; but the pleasure of orgasm and the
need for spiritual uplifting are too great to forego in earlier years when
one first develops both capacity and need. Sex is part of our essence, and
it is right that kids of reasonable age and responsible character should be
free to enjoy it, safely. Mom railed against shyness, false modesty and
guilt. She followed her own counsel and made love within my sight, showed me
the essences of physical maturity, arousal and lovemaking, the beauty of
penis and vagina -- which come together as prayer and devotion. On the other
hand, she warned against predatory men, coercion and abuse, "satanic
depredation". For us, sex had to be wanted, consensual, knowing and
knowledgeable. Knowledge and romantic experience with loved peers, she
thought, were the best protection against abuse, as well as the key to
making sex "wanted". The girl's first rights were to personal autonomy and
to orgasm. She should know and understand her desires, her urges, her body,
her philosophy and her theology. Sex was the result of all of these. On the
assumption that half of women cannot be assured orgasm except with the help
of oral sex, Mom's Friend also promoted oral sex as foreplay. This was
scarcely original with her; sexual historians and anthropologists trace a
dramatic increase in ("discovery" of?) oral sex in America to the post-World
War I era. Most girls would have discovered it on their own, but knowing
from birth that oral sex was good and right made it better, made it
unhesitatingly right, indeed made it a vested right.

The most dramatic example of mothers choreographing their daughters' (and
sons') sexual awakening is the coming-out (or defloration) party that I have
written about because of its novelty and excitement. It epitomizes the
life-changing experience of puberty and the new quasi-religious urge to
unite body and soul. Only through flirting, foreplay and coitus itself do we
find a compatible soul mate and partner; a coming out party is an optional
signal that a girl is ready, that she want to discard, publicly among
parents and a few friends, the unwanted virginity that hobbles her freedom.
It would take a specially selected boy, entrusted with this task, to make
her whole by breaking her hymen. And he must make love tenderly and orally
and then break her hymen with penis in vagina almost at the instant of the
climax he has wrought by kissing her vagina and her clitoris. His semen
rushing into her is her first holy communion and she will feel her spiritual
maturity and responsibility from that moment. She will show us her beautiful
vagina as the mingling of her blood and mucus, the boy's semen and her
ecstasy tell us that she has found passion -- physical love and holy
passion. The boy has withdrawn his penis, the girl may play with it, should
play with it. Take it in her mouth perhaps, just as the boy should now kiss
her vagina once more. She will never forget this moment, which will mark the
rest of her life. As it will mark the lives of those of us who watched.

While infrequent, those dramas marked the message and lesson that we grew up
with, and they illustrated how some mothers would cling to the conviction
that a girl's future happiness depended upon assuring her a climax -- and
that this was especially so at her first vaginal sex. This would be her
first occasion to show off her vagina with pride as an object of feminine
and feminist beauty, and by getting rid of her hymen publicly to commit
herself to a lifetime of sex as sacred communion. Meanwhile, I have to say
that boys do tend to behave better when they are being watched. Both because
they are sensitive about their penises and because they would not dare to be
arrogant, selfish, coercive or cruel with Mom's Friend or any of us around.
A girl's first time will be better for that, for the boy will be caring,
courteous -- even gallant. He will offer his penis to her hesitantly and
gently. She can take his penis in her mouth or not, as she likes; but he
will certainly kiss and lick her vagina and make it ready for his penis and
bring her to, or close to, climax even before his penis enters her. He will
show obvious satisfaction and happiness at her orgasm, which she will not
ever fake. When her orgasm is happening, she will suddenly realize the
emptiness of her vagina and will be desperate for penetration. She will say
something, or one of us will see the problem if the boy does not seize the
opportunity, his penis will enter her and her defloration should be
painless. If not, pain will be overshadowed by total ecstasy and by our
presence and love. Even though we think virginity (and the pain of its loss)
as curse, it's yet an honor for a boy to be the one to deflower. I guess
that's because a girl will never forget her first penis and her first sexual
shivers and gasps. Coming-out events inevitably include funny incidents
along with their happy awakenings and happy endings, and we remember those
too. 

I wrote of the mother escorting her pubescent son to his assignation with
the girl waiting, legs apart and vagina ready, wanting us to feel her
anticipation and see her beauty, wanting the boy to be more than excited, to
have a really fine erection. The mother who helped her son to lower his
briefs only to find his erect penis caught in the elastic band. The absence
of embarrassment or hesitation when she freed it testified to their
relationship. (If he'd been older than 13, the mother wouldn't have escorted
him that way, and certainly wouldn't have taken down his pants; but boys'
mothers' attitudes seem related more to height of the boy than physical
maturity of his penis. And aren't we all impressed when we see a smallish
boy with a big, erect penis, seemingly beyond his years, ready for
lovemaking.) We all, the girl's mother particularly, thought it was both
cute and funny. The boy's penis, smooth and not hairy at that age but big
enough and quite ready for its task, bounced about then, and he moved
quickly forward to get our minds off it, I suppose, rushing over to the
girl. Anyway, the incident was soon forgotten once he reached the girl,
embraced her, spread her legs, exposed her vagina, and put his tongue
inside. ("As he sat on the bed and pulled his girl close for an embrace, a
kiss, and caresses to her breasts, his mother faded into the background. All
eyes were on the girl, her nice breasts, her vulva, with the boys fingers
now inside. Then the boy moved over, gently spread her legs apart, and put
his tongue to her vagina.") I wonder if the reason he spent so much time
pleasuring her with his tongue was that when he rose to put his penis in,
we'd think again of his mother's role and take him less seriously as lover.
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/45569
Or, conceivably it had to do with the state of his erection, which may have
faded. In a crisis, boys tend to lie down on their penises and hide them
from view, until they feel an erection coming on, either "naturally", i.e.,
aroused by the girl, or by discreet masturbation. But we were there to
support, not criticize, and, having counseled boy and girl beforehand, to
remind them of what to do in a "crisis". We all know that erections can fail
under pressure; that's why so many teens take Viagra before a date these
days. The understanding and eager target girl, celebrating her own
defloration, would know what to do, though: she would take the penis in her
mouth and, almost always, make it stiff soon enough. Plus, wet as she was,
and smallish as a boy's penis was likely to be at 13 or so, it should fit
inside her reasonably easily, while still stiff enough to pierce her hymen.
We girls used to speculate on what we would do if a boy proved incapable on
the day, and whether another boy would have to take his place. But that
never happened. After all, we chose boys in the first place for their
emotional reliability, which we took to mean sexual reliability, even if the
boy was, as in this case, himself a virgin. He had to have self-control and
an easy erection and a commitment to oral foreplay. How would we know? This
was our stock in trade, so to speak. We had few or no secrets among us,
residents and visitors alike.

As for us giggling over the incident of the erection trapped in the
waistband, I rush to say that we were not ridiculing or laughing at the
expense of either boy or girl. The penis is the focus of our attentions, but
it is a focus of passion, not of secular humor; there has been an
interruption, a blip, in the sacrament and we smile at the blip. Anyway,
aren't all our friends' and lovers' erections cute and funny? And doesn't it
make a difference when even small children are taught -- and shown -- to
have pride in their bodies and their sexuality? When their turn comes, they
typically will be unworried and unhindered. And be happily naked and happy
to flaunt their lovely developing, sexy genitals. I had my own theory of how
to encourage boys to pride and security in penis. Adolescent boys and men
look their nicest and proudest when seated at the edge of a chair: knees
wide apart, unselfconsciously, even teasingly showing off penis and balls as
they dangle over and as, from time to time, they move, and perhaps rise and
fall, with emotion and arousal. I always told a maturing boy seated that way
that his penis invited admiration, and that I liked the way it looked
accessible and ready to please. The response would tell me if I should
intervene further -- for between the ages of 13 and 15, I made a practice of
seducing boys like that, changing the lives of changelings. And without
explaining why, I tried to accustom little boys, when they happened to be in
the backyard naked and were in my charge, to sit up straight and at the
front of their chair with penis at the edge. I hoped that later, when their
penises got big, they would still do so out of habit. To paraphrase Honoré
Lachaille (Maurice Chevalier), "Thank heaven for little boys". I probably
had zero real effect on the boys' habits in later life, but it was my secret
joke and it pleased me to imagine them as grown men sitting that way, making
women happy. The 1988 movie "Big" also crossed my mind: the notion of Josh
(Tom Hanks) as the suddenly mature little boy peeking into his underpants to
have a look at his newly big penis; strutting across the hotel lobby after
his first lovemaking experience with Susan (Elizabeth Perkins).) My secret
wish is always to arouse the penis of every boy over, say, 14, and to see
(or imagine) it erect and gorgeous. I have flirty breasts and flirty eyes,
and I use them accordingly. When I'm naked especially, I send out a
particular teasing message. At Mom's Friend's House, at least, a visible
erection provoked by me -- even if it could not lead to sex -- would cause
no embarrassment or offense, only knowing glances and, perhaps, giggles.
With luck, the boy would attract attention or be emboldened, and he would
find a girl with whom he could exchange bodily fluids.

(The ancients disagreed over whether it was good or bad to ejaculate a lot.
"Hippocrates cautioned that loss of excessive amounts of semen could result
in physical damage, such as spinal cord deterioration (Masters, Johnson, &
Kolodny, 1986, 284). The physician Galen argued that the retention of semen
is dangerous and leads to ill health. He used Diogenes as an example of a
learned person who has sex in order to avoid the health risks of retaining
semen (Stengers & Van Neck, 2001, 230).
http://www.mlahanas.de/Greeks/Med.htm
I think most modern mothers are in agreement that whatever the ancients
thought, teenage boys are going to ejaculate all their semen all the time.
What they don't agree on is whether those boys should ejaculate it into
their daughters.)

Let me summarize: There is nothing cuter than a boy of 13 or 14 or 15,
excited at the prospect of sex and marveling at his own erection while he
approaches his target girl. At the same time he may be trying to assuage the
girl's apprehension and make her want to fondle and kiss it his penis. And
all the while looking around the room for peer and adult approval. To the
eager girl (who may really not need much convincing to get her to play with
the penis), an erection is the epitome of beauty and desire. Ideally, she
may want to start with it flaccid and see it become erect at her specific
intervention. In theory, she has never touched a mature penis before, and in
theory she may take it into her mouth to make it hard and big. But more than
likely, from observation and from play she knows more about the penis than
she lets on. Meanwhile, the boy has prepared himself beforehand, and even if
not, the protocol is that he should walk into the room, naked or in his
underpants, and see her on the bed, nude, ready, seductive and beckoning. He
enters the room and removes his pants in a gesture of romance and
proposition. 

To see her boy approaching, his penis high, throbbing and waving, his
testicles moving about underneath with a promise of warmth, tenderness,
passion and a rush of joy has to be the signal moment of her life. Sometimes
there's a drop of seminal fluid leaking out of the little slit at the top of
the boy's erection. I always took this as a holy message that the ensuing
sex would be really special. A drop of pre-cum is to be licked off, its
penis loved and kissed and fussed over. Did the others notice it? Did the
girl see? Did anyone think to tell her how lovely it is, as signal and
message and precursor and that it should not be wasted? The girl may be the
center of attention, but as always in matters of sex, the penis is really
the main attraction, its semen the substance of the event.

Most of these girls will have been raised as I was. They will be excited and
supportive of the boy who is designated to introduce them to what they have
been raised and conditioned to want and need, now that they are old enough.
And no girl is ignorant of the sensitivity and the pleasure potential of her
clitoris. Remember my earlier comment: from the youngest age I always took
it for granted that I would one day be taking boys' big penises into my
mouth, that I would enjoy doing it, and that boys would reciprocate by
kissing my clitoris and putting their tongues in my vagina and making me
feel good. Mother had told me, and I had seen others at sex in the first
house we lived in at Our Town. All I needed was the start of breasts and
pubic hair before I could begin. Meanwhile, Mom encouraged me, remarking at
the first signs of my maturity. Mom celebrated every boy's and every girl's
incipient maturity that way, just as soon as they sprouted their first pubic
hair. 

The process of growing up, and especially sexually "growing up" fast has its
own cuteness. There is the girl's natural shyness, soothed by her own
supportive friends; yet confident enough to pull back her shoulders to
highlight her breasts however small, to spread her legs and show off her
pubis, however sparsely marked with hair. (Anyway, these days a lot of girls
shave all or most of it off; who's to know?) There is excruciating yet
delightful anticipation; a girl will rub herself in an effort to sample the
coming delight. Noticing her new sexuality, boys are attracted. Older kids
want to take her by the hand. We want to her gasp and shriek in orgasm, as a
penis goes in and out of her mouth or her vagina; we want to see traces of
lovely semen as a sign of her sacred communion. We want her to feel joy and
be happy, as we are.

And we want to be there when she first takes a penis into her mouth and
finds that it's fun and pleasurable and fulfilling and when she meets the
surprise of spurting warm semen. A penis the most fabulous toy; every penis
is different, yet all are the same. A girl will see it flaccid, and touch
it, and it will rise for her. She will study it, caress and fondle it, put
it in her mouth tentatively or confidently, and her boy will love her for it
and repay her with semen. And then -- or perhaps before -- he will lay her
back and kiss and love her vagina. Beautiful vagina, fabulous organ with a
thousand different feelings, needing a penis to make it complete; at its
most beautiful when blessed from cervix to vulva with semen. Needing to be
seen and shared and loved.

Those girls and boys who stayed any length of time with us, or whose mothers
were committed to our way of life by reason of their own history in the CoG
or a commune, knew all this. Those girls, usually older, who came by reason
of family or friends, however sexually open their family, however accustomed
to nudity, would need time to acclimatize. Boys might not be properly
respectful and solicitous. Girls might have the fear of the penis that
outside society inculcates to protect them. Both girls and boys had to shed
inhibition, modesty, shame. For some, new kids in particular, or guests of
members of Mom's Friend's circle, public disrobing took new and strange
commitment. But in due course they would come out back, they would see us
frolic. And they would see how unfounded are society's taboos, how we should
be free to be you and me, that the penis is a girl's best friend. And the
visitor of typical age, 14 or 15, say, would see kids of just past puberty
having fun, making love: girls playing with a penis and loving it,
swallowing its lovely semen. Having their vagina made love to by tongue and
penis and being ecstatic. And being encouraged by their own mother or
sibling, the first out of parental pride, the second out of eagerness to
share. Sharing the knowledge of how to enjoy spontaneous sex, safely and
with delight, to tease and flirt and cause erections and ejaculations, and
giggle and tell stories. And, if the mood prompts, to play again with the
penis of your boy of the day, and to excite the boy and have his undivided
attention while others watch. And again, every girl is assured her right to
pursue orgasm. Attention must be paid to her by the boy: her clitoris is
important. If she took his penis in her mouth and let him ejaculate and if
she loved his semen, then he would bring her to the verge of climax orally.
And her vagina would be dilated and wet and excited, and she would want his
penis, stiff again, inside her. And if it was her first time it probably
wouldn't hurt and she would be rid of her hymen and now she would be one of
us. We would all celebrate the union of semen, mucus and blood.

For a first times, dear reader, you see that our protocol was both more
natural and more fail-safe than the fumbling, painful, secretive garden-shed
deflorations so many girls experience. Really, the only imponderable for the
first day is what the girl will do when semen spurts into her mouth for the
first time and she is unprepared and unused to the taste. She will have seen
us all swallow, and she'll try too. If it's a young boy, he may not
discharge much semen, and that's good because she can just swish it around
her mouth, perhaps show us traces on her tongue, and swallow. If there's a
lot of semen, she may be embarrassed, as I was a bit when I first had a boy
come in my mouth. But I coped, and so would she. After a few times, the girl
will be accustomed to boys ejaculating, and she will be ready for the
spurts, whatever the amount. She can then turn her mind to vaginal sex, and
have it not spontaneously but rationally, playing with the penis beforehand,
together with her boy making it and herself ready.

----------

The moment at which penis enters his girl's vagina for the first time is in
fact the holiest, and vicariously most satisfying, moment imaginable. This
is what we believe, and we believe it because we know she is ridding herself
of a burdensome obstacle to direct communion with boy and divinity. It's
really cute if the boy, too, is a virgin; and even more so if neither has
had oral, sex either. Can we tell just by watching? Not really, at least not
easily with respect to the boy, although it would be rare for a boy to have
had sex and his mother not to know. Experience in oral sex is less obvious,
but I like to think I can tell just by the way the couple deals with semen,
and its anticipation. To this day I regret it that Mom was not there when I
was 11 and had that accidental tumble with a boy. She would have planned the
most lovely, sensitive and sensuous event for me. Instead, I made love with
an accidental penis; it was not bad love, but it wasn't dramatic and it
wasn't witnessed by those closest to me, or even by supportive peers. In
fact, the event was so spontaneous that I didn't get to touch the penis in
advance, much less kiss it. We just happened to be naked, the boy and I, and
wound up in horseplay. For years, by the way, I wondered how come the boy's
penis entered me effortlessly if I wasn't prepared by foreplay. Eventually I
decided that, at least from the boy's standpoint, the penetration was less
spontaneous than it appeared, and that he had lubricated his penis with
saliva. Although it hadn't occurred to me before, a penis doesn't just home
in on a vagina during a tumble: he must have aimed it. I do know that my
legs had been pushed apart by his as we fell; now I think that was no
accident. Gangly 11-year-old that I was, even if I had nascent breasts and
hips and first traces of pubic hair, I was certainly not sexy and sent out
no sensuous signals. If I had, Mom would have prepared me further.

By comparison, think of the lovely and purposeful, although equally
spontaneous defloration of the Big-Breasted Girl:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/38098

"A young, big-breasted girl stood near my head, leaning over, her date
behind her, his penis fully erect. Whether the evident arousal of the date
of The Big-Breasted Girl was from watching us or from fondling her, or from
both, I couldn't know. He was caressing now her breasts, now her vagina,
running his hand around her nipples, cupping her breasts, then down to her
vulva and along its crack. Her inner labia were visible as he pushed his
finger inside and sought her clitoris. The Big-Breasted Girl herself was
following our moves, obviously interested, apparently ignoring the boy who
was trying to excite her. Still, she was becoming increasingly aroused
herself; her vagina opened to his fingers and her nipples heaved in time to
her hard breathing. Yet she seemed apprehensive, unsure, unaccustomed. Her
eyes expressed doubt. I wondered what she was thinking. ...

"The Big-Breasted Girl obviously loved her date and wanted to please him.
She wanted to do as I had done. She was eager to begin having sex but she
was apprehensive. I told her to be calm and warned her that her first time
might be disappointing but that it should not be painful. I got her some
contraceptive foam and helped her insert it. I got her a pillow. I urged her
to relax. I told her date what he had to do: that he should kiss and
lubricate her vagina as The 16-Year-Old Boy had done to mine. After a slight
hesitation, he went to work. He kissed and sucked and massaged her vaginal
opening, perhaps a bit too aggressively. When she seemed ready for him to
proceed, when the state of her vagina showed arousal, I told him he should
embrace and kiss her and to try to make her less tense. He did so, but now
his pulsating erect penis was positioned above her vagina, stiff as could
be, glistening, ready to move downwards. His breathing and his eyes
suggested an inability to restrain himself any longer. His penis, poised for
entry, was gorgeous: circumcised, shiny, smooth, just a tiny drop of liquid
at its tip. The boy held it with two fingers and pointed it where he thought
it should go; then he lowered his hips. The girl cried out weakly. He had
hit the wrong place. I reassured them. I have a vision of putting a bit of
my saliva on the end of his penis with my fingers and then guiding the penis
to its destination as he again thrust his lower body downwards. There was an
electric moment, one of realized anticipation. As the penis entered her
vagina, the girl moaned slightly. Perhaps she had felt her hymen rupture.
Then she smiled. Her date seemed to gain in confidence, and he began moving
his penis in and out with a steady cadence. He lifted himself by his elbows
and looked down, as if to reassure himself that his penis was indeed in her
vagina, and that he was truly having sex. He looked back up, gratified; his
eyes met hers; they gazed at each other intently."

Such a beautiful, gratifying beginning. I remember watching with my partner,
the 16-Year-Old Boy, and feeling an excitement at the sight and sound of
that penis making love, and then their joined liquids apparently leaking out
of her beautiful vagina. They had watched me playing with my boy's penis,
and they had watched my boy's penis playing with me, and they had decided to
follow us.

The two actors at a defloration may not be thinking of either the
significance of the event (getting rid of an unwanted hymen, obstacle to
sensuous joy and to personal and feminist freedom) or of the emotions of
those watching, and more's the pity because it's such a tense time for all
in the moments before the penis disappears into the vagina on its first
thrust. We want the girl to feel no pain, and we want her to feel the
religious message of orgasm and semen; in real life this depends on the
success of their foreplay or else on the girl's physical makeup and how the
movement of the penis translates, for her, into clitoral stimulation. As for
banishing pre-coital apprehension, the secret is emotional and verbal
openness and absence of inhibition and modesty. Our dances were great
because a hesitant girl (or boy) could see sexual delight, could see the
minuet of flirting and erection, and could see other kids showing off with
mutual oral sex and with sexual positions that presented penis in vagina in
such a way that both were displayed at their most beautiful, at eye level
with penis squeezing in and out, vaginal wall fully visible, and, at the
end, traces of semen and the girl perhaps playing languidly with the sticky
penis, the two partners being mutually grateful and still amorous. Only
after they shower will their equanimity return. Then they are free to roam
and admire other bodies and think of what tomorrow will bring. Every penis
brings its own message, its own communion, even if the ultimate source is a
common divinity.

Dear Reader, I do cannot know your culture and your ethic, but I can
confidently attest that sexually open families relish the moment: that
mothers and siblings of girls and boys on the cusp of active sexual life
positively share the excitement and the pride and the pleasure of a penis's
first entry, and of semen's first onrush. And it's not just then. How many
times did I, as a 12- or 13-year-old take the hand of my lover and drag him
over to where Mom was sitting, with his still- or again-erect, sticky penis
waving to and fro? (I was physically mature and tall, but emotionally still
young enough always to want her approval.) Or look around, after withdrawing
my partner's penis from my mouth all covered in semen, to see if anybody was
looking, if anybody but me appreciated the event. (Did they smile as I wiped
semen from my mouth with my tongue? Did they become excited, aroused, and
needful of sex right away?) You may have been taught that sex is a purely
private thing, that it's obscene and nasty to touch a girl or boy sexually
with others around. ("Public displays of affection.") We just don't see it
that way. For us, sex is a shared treasure. One is not jealous, even of a
former partner making love. It's different, of course, where a couple has
bound itself to each other as in marriage, but not otherwise. Sex is
beautiful, and so is foreplay, specifically our oral foreplay and not least
when the girl takes the initiative to be on top and to position and display
her vagina over a boy's mouth and then take the boy's penis into hers. But
I've always made a point of reminding kids that the after-sex moments, too,
are times for embrace and for exploring each other's sex parts, and it's a
pity if those moments are wasted. When the boy and girl have their first
vaginal sex, perhaps with friends seated about for support and love, the
experience is almost certainly going to be totally positive: thanks to oral
foreplay the boy's penis will be fully erect and the girl's vagina will be
dilated and lubricated, and probably (as I wrote above) she will feel little
or no pain. We are watching, and there is an urgency in that downward first
thrust that is unique to a lifetime, an urgency everybody watching shares.
There is one relief at first penetration, and another at ejaculation. But
the girl must have orgasm, and that is the reason for our presence. When
both partners are satisfied, when the boy has ejaculated, the two kids will
be reminded to explore each other's bodies and not to let the excitement
quickly dissipate. And they will be readied for a lifetime of this
recyclable, repeatable joy, renewable resource. When the penis has been
withdrawn, we see a beautiful open, wet vagina, symbol of sexual miracle,
pleasure and fecundity that will permit the cycle to repeat itself. Probably
many or most of the onlookers will be so aroused and excited by then that,
having brought or found a partner, they will make love. (There is an
unbreakable rule in our ethic regarding intergenerational sex; if it came
close to being broken it was following a defloration. Mom's Friend had to
intervene; since people lived with her by sufferance, she would prevail.)

After my own early sex experiences, I found that playing with the boy's
penis, tasting it, caressing it gave special delight. If I could play with
his balls without tickling him too much, if I could keep his penis in a
perpetually erect state, this was great fun. Then I would try to turn my
body so my vagina would be exposed to him and perhaps he would kiss me
there. I felt a new importance and a new desire and desirability. All of a
sudden I wanted reason to show off my inside pink parts, and to show off
having a penis in my mouth. And, from time to time, taking its smooth, round
head out to admire it and let others see it too. You look at the tip of the
penis, then you look at the whole penis and scrotum, then you look at the
whole boy and you wonder: how close is he to ejaculation. How deep in his
body is that lovely semen? How shall I respond to it this time?

One knew, if attending a coming-out party to celebrate a defloration, or if
watching at a new, inexperienced couple at a nude dance, that after kids had
disengaged their bodies and risen from the bed or the floor they would be
prancing about, the boy showing himself off as the proud possessor of this
girl and her breasts, the girl claiming title for the rest of the day to his
penis and forever after confident and proud of the manner in which her
breasts could attract and fascinate boys and her vagina own them. They would
stand, about, the boy behind and close to her, fondling her boobs,
intermittently pressing his erection against her rear and making her smile.
For us, such public displays of affection confirmed our conviction that sex
is too precious to forego and that abstention and celibacy are denials of
humanity. The hymen, like the foreskin, is an impediment, a defect. (For
whatever it's worth, Queen Victoria promoted circumcision and all the royal
boys through Charles (but not Harry or William) have since been
circumcised.) That a girl is liberated by sex, by first sex, is a core
religious belief, so it shouldn't be surprising that a mother's (or a
friend's) presence validates it. As far as we are concerned, privacy is
counterproductive and making love with other couples there multiplies the
pleasure. Most important in our culture is the fact that the lights are on
and the girl and boy get to know each other's body as part of the ceremony,
as part of foreplay. A girl has a special relationship with the penis that
has deflowered her so the slow approach, and the expectation that she will
play with it in her mouth before the boy puts his mouth to her vagina and
brings her to the threshold of climax that way, is important. That is the
key to having a mentor: to prompt the girl, if necessary, at the point when
the couple is ready for the boy to move up, and for his penis to penetrate
her, just as I have repeatedly described. In a culture in which penis and
vagina have ultimate beauty, the moment is sacred. I was taught, have always
felt, and constantly repeat that ejaculation is holy communion and ejaculant
bears the message: it follows that semen is a blessing, and needs to be
savored. The calm after coitus is a time for the boy and the girl to explore
each other again and to enjoy their shared fluids: semen, mucus, blood, as I
said. Before the spell is broken and both seek wider horizons.

----------

My background

Since mid-2002 I've been recording the history of my adolescence, based in
large part on my contemporary childhood diaries. I've also been interviewing
others who have knowledge and experience of parallel progressive movements
in North America. My basic conclusion, which I've stated before, is that,
notwithstanding all the religious zealotry evidence in the last presidential
election, progressive sexuality is alive and well all over the Unite States
and that it is reinforced by blatant sexuality in culture and advertising.
As a result, there are subcultures that not only tolerate but encourage
sexual liaisons from puberty on. "Topless" parties, more innocent or at
least less blatant versions of our nude dances, are held everywhere. As
often as not, they lead to sex, as indeed perhaps they are intended to,
although I think one can say the sex is more tactful: unlike at our dances
one doesn't typically see there a girl taking a penis out of her mouth
bearing a thick coat of semen on its tip, showing it off and then sucking
the semen back into her mouth to swallow. It's true that a topless party can
be just for laughs, like a naturists' party; but in fact the ethic is as
often libertine. One knows: either the boys have erections and the girls
respond, or the boys suppress them with embarrassment. In a libertine party,
a topless girl who sees her boy with an erection may relieve his discomfort
by removing his pants, making a show of disclosing his penis. In a prudish
topless party, the couple will dance together closely, as if the boy's
erection must remain a secret, hidden. No matter how many times, or how
often, a girl has sex, the drama of undressing a boy with others watching,
and bringing his penis into view, and making the boy feel good is
magnificent.

----------

Do not suppose that our lives were totally consumed by sex just because I
have written essays devoted to that subject. Still, to a greater extent than
in outside society, sex was always in the background of what we did -- the
more so if we were in the basement or the back yard and nude. We didn't all
have sex every day, although most of us had it often. I needed a penis to
make me complete, and I knew that the penis I chose needed me. And I would
take note of it in my diary later.

Penises, like bodies generally, are of varying degrees of beauty, the
variation from the ideal becoming greater with age. Most boys seem to be
insecure about theirs.
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/menshealth/facts/penissize.htm )
With that in mind, perhaps it's just as well that my friends and I have
tended to reduce our horizons and address our affections to a more limited
universe of boys, and indeed (some of us anyway) aspire to monogamy in due
course... Boys should be aware that just as they have preferences in
breasts, etc., girls have preferences with respect to size and
proportionality, etc. As I've written elsewhere, functionality is also very
important. There are several web sites that offer representative selections
of images of the entire range of penis sizes, one, showing penises flaccid
and erect, is at
http://www.erectionphotos.com/softHardGallery/SoftHardGalleryP01.htm
Since the pictures seem to be supplied by volunteers, it's certainly not a
statistically valid sample; indeed one wonders why there is an absence of
really handsome, virile specimens. Most of the erections are, it might be
noted, less than fully vertical, but then most of the men are middle-aged. I
don't see well represented the kind of youthful penis I personally am so
fond of: beautifully and symmetrically shaped, nicely round, fitting well in
my mouth, fiercely stiff and straight. (I didn't know then, but I do now,
that the angle of erection depends mainly on a certain ligament; still, age
seems to be a factor.) Nearly vertical when erect, tight against my boy's
body so it will snap back if I let it go while playing with it. Either the
boys I grew up with were better than average, the volunteers who submit
photos of themselves are partly dysfunctional, or my memory is failing me.
Perhaps it's my lovers' youth: adolescent penises really are the loveliest.

To return to the direct point made by Question 4 of the ABC survey: size is
a mixed blessing. Apparently 85% of men are within a relatively small
average range. The problem with a very thick penis, lauded by one of the ABC
interviewees, although she didn't say how thick, is that although it may be
handsome to look at and pleasurable in vaginal sex it is unwieldy in the
mouth, and in my experience unless the boy has engaged in prolonged
cunnilingus so that my vagina is both dilated and very lubricated, it will
hurt. Frankly, it's not much good for the occasional spontaneous, quick, fun
sex. Still, it can be fun to play with and to strut around with on the
beach, and oral sex can be accomplished by just putting its big head in my
mouth and then my tongue stroking the top of it continuously until it starts
to spurt its semen. Watchers -- especially young children if they happen to
be around -- are always amazed to see a great fountain of semen spurt in the
air -- and land somewhere, preferably back on the penis and balls so it can
be licked off. I never paid much attention to girls who pride themselves on
their talent for "deep throat", nor for boys who said they wanted it. I'm
not going to gag or throw up for any boy. Sex is supposed to be a mutual
pleasure. I like to impress an audience, but really it's secondary to the
main point of having a good time in a tactile sense. For what I have in
mind, see
http://www.angelfire.com/co4/cobil/topl.htm

(You may ask why pre-pubescent kids were allowed, and sometimes encouraged,
to watch older kids and adults closely when they were having sex. The answer
is simply that it is the best sex education: no lies, myths or half-truths.
When I was ready to start having sex, I knew the ins and outs of it (so to
speak) because adolescents who feel genuinely free among their partners and
their peers will discuss things, air their questions, and so on. A girl
might spread her legs and separate her labia to ask or to show something,
and a younger boy or girl who's curious will learn something too, but at an
academic and not an emotional plane. And it is so amazing how rubbing the
tip of a penis brings it to excitement and ejaculation that I think every
boy and girl from toddlerhood on up should know about it. That's why I was
glad to put on the "fountain of semen" show if I was in the back yard and
playing with a boy's big penis. Kids would love that, and so would the boy,
of course. The most important thing, always, is for the girt to be seen to
be happy and smiling and having fun; otherwise kids who haven't seen the
scene before and don't yet know exactly how sex works might worry on her
behalf.

(It is though, I concede, a fair question to ask whether pre-pubescent
children should have sex thrust upon them. My own view is that they should
be free to see, to watch, to approach and neither encouraged nor discouraged
in doing so. Kids are curious; they have a penis or a vagina; they want to
know what it's for. When I take a boy's penis into my mouth and a small kid
is watching from afar -- or even up close -- it's wildly improbable that he
or she is going to be led into something "perverted" or even something
precocious. The kid will see that I love the penis and that the boy I'm
fellating loves to have me love it. And that's all. When the semen flows,
it's an obvious time for a quick explanation of conception, something that
is far easier to show than to describe. I knew enough, if the curious kid,
typically a visitor, was old enough to be thinking seriously of having sex
him- or herself to bring Mom's Friend into the equation for a serious
discussion. Especially, but not exclusively, if it was a boy with an
erection. Once in a great while I took direct action. For example, the
pubescent kid who got into my private space while I had an older boy's penis
in my mouth and was trying to maneuver my vagina towards my boy's face at
the same time. The curious youngster was somebody's 12- or 13-year-old
cousin; he sat there with his big-small penis very stiff and jealous,
sticking up out of a surprisingly bushy bit of pubic hair. When my boy and I
had finished our mutual oral sex, and still with semen all over my face and
breasts, I went and got Terrific Girl and prevailed on her to seduce the
boy. He turned out to be terrified of being challenged to actually have sex
and he lost his hard-on rather quickly. But Terrific Girl took his penis in
her mouth just the same, and after a long while told us she'd gotten some
semen out of him and stuck out her tongue to prove it. We couldn't see it,
but we trusted her and anyway the boy had a sheepish grin on his face and
all of a sudden his penis was stiff again. Gilbert and Sullivan had
something to say about such pests: "They will not be missed", it goes. From
The Mikado. (Are my readers cultured, or what?)

(That sort of cooperation in naughtiness and fun is what made growing up at
Mom's Friend's House so delightful. But even for the boy in question it had
an important, positive outcome: after that he was confident, his erections
were more stable. And of course we introduced him to cunnilingus and to
vaginal sex and until his penis grew to full size he became a sort of toyboy
for some of us. In later months and years he recruited girls to come to our
dance parties. That included his sister, who I think he convinced to come
over on false pretenses, but who then had a lovely coming out party that I
planned and choreographed, including choosing the boy whose penis would
deflower her. It was a boy I had helped come to terms with his own puberty a
couple of years before, who was very obliging and gentle, and whose penis I
always loved to see in action. (And for those who try to claim to me that
"You've seen one penis, you've seen them all" I can only retort that "You
have never been more wrong". It's true, though, that the beauty of the penis
is as much in its carriage and its application as in its physique. I might
also say that there are even valid substitutes for those: personality, oral
sex and money, to start with. But I am not an Agony Aunt, so I will leave
the discussion there.) Her defloration was memorable enough to deserve a
story in its own right some day. I promise to do it if I ever have time to
write more of these essays. It was the one and only time a brother attended
such an event. For now I'll limit myself to remarking on how cute she was,
seated and leaning back against the headboard of the bed so she could see
every move the boy made. He sucked on her vagina for a long time, then
lifted her legs up, spread them wide, showed us all how he had made her
vagina all pink, wet and wide open: the epitome of a beautiful vagina. And
then, almost before she or we realized it, his penis was inside her and he
was pumping gracefully, smiling, looking her in the eyes, and blowing
kisses. When they finished, we hugged them both; and the boy pressed himself
against me; when I felt his penis, stiff again, against my body I remembered
times past and wanted to fondle it then and there, but that was against
protocol. I resolved to play with it again soon, and I whispered an
invitation in his ear. Then, more loudly, I told the sister she should play
with it and kiss it, and I held it out to her. It was obvious that the
concept was not foreign to her: she knew, or felt, that a penis was lovely
in your mouth. She eventually became a regular guest and I like to think I
taught her, in due course, all she needed or should want to know about a
penis and how to kiss it and make it give up its treasure to you in the most
sensuous way, so that the boy will know that he needs to make love to your
clitoris in the same passionate way. The secret is to manipulate the penis
in such a manner that girls watching, even those who previously thought that
oral sex was repellant, now want to do it and enjoy it. Stupid women have
their lips injected to suggest excellence at fellatio, but I'm willing to
bet most of them haven't a clue what to do, much less the inclination to do
it. I rate that with boob jobs that leave a girl's breasts devoid of
sensation and incapable of lactation.)

Ideally, one wants a boy who doesn't ejaculate too soon nor too late, nor
too little nor too sloppily (viscosity matters). His erection should be
really stiff and straight, and so on. With luck and the right ambient
temperature, his balls will be distinct and loose and you can massage them
very gently and feel their loveliness. The trick, during fellatio, is to
build up tension not only in the boy but among those watching, perhaps
occasionally letting them have a peek at the tip of the penis, and certainly
giving them sight of a trickle of semen as soon as the boy has ejaculated.
The audience, if there is one, can be played to. The pulling down of the
boy's underpants, mock surprise at his delightful penis, erection, taking it
into the girl's mouth, and then its withdrawal, sticky and wet. If boy and
girl keep their eyes open and on each other, and if the boy, before or
afterwards assures the girl her climax, the vicarious thrill of the viewers
will be palpable. I have seen mothers squirm in their chairs in delight and
hold on tightly to the arm rests as their boy ejaculates. Furthermore, to
see a girl's vagina at climax is a constant source of wonderment and love
and delight, for boys and girls alike. The penis withdraws, and you can't
help but look for signs of semen, for signs of love.

This is why I always liked to bring a boy to ejaculate in my mouth first. So
long as I knew he could be trusted not to lose interest at that point, a
young boy normally will have an erection again by the time he brings me to
climax with his tongue, and then his penis can enter me and he will come
twice and be seen to come twice: a delight for us, and for anyone watching.
And, implicitly, a challenge for the other girls and boys. It was different,
of course, in the days when I was seducing changelings. Then even a trickle
of semen was a reward for both of us.

It goes without saying that the aim of such showmanship is to didactic: to
make girls and boys watching realize that there is not just sexuality but
sacredness to intercourse, to attract new people, new families, to our
faith. If semen is a medium of holy communion, as we believe, then early sex
constitutes a commitment to a holy, as well as a satisfying, life. Since
lots of girls attending topless parties were still maturing, still
pubescent, oral sex was the right choice for them. Just because I had a
penis in my vagina before I was 12 doesn't mean that I recommend it at that
age to all or most girls; but for a girl to take a penis in her mouth is
just as much, or more, fun -- if the boy will reciprocate, as he more or
less had to with other couples around. And if he wouldn't, then a change of
partners could be arranged so that two like-minded kids could have fun
together.

----------

Comments on the ABC 20/20 Questions

Many of the 20/20 myths do not relate to adolescents, and I'll ignore those
I will briefly address those that are pertinent, and then expand on my views
as appropriate in the rest of this essay.

As for Question 9, it is true that knowledge about sex does not impel kids
to have sex, and it certainly is not, in itself, a source of arousal. No boy
ever told me he masturbated over a picture from a sex-ed text. Peer
attitudes and parental encouragement are what caused us to want and need and
have sex at puberty. For those who would certainly have sex anyway, sex-ed
provided basic information about disease and its prevention, about
conception and contraception. I knew those things anyway, but not everybody
did. Only a parent who has talked to her child from infancy with total
freedom, and been free to demonstrate what she is talking about, can be sure
that her child understands what sex is how penis comes to be in mouth and
vagina, what semen really signifies, looks like, feels like and does.

Questions 7 and 6 are related: does bodily appearance count? Of course it
does; people's first impressions are based on bodily size and shape, dress,
appearance, expression and speech; some of those are immediately apparent.
But other things like education, prospects and wealth are equally important
At one of our parties, where kids are meeting for the first time with the
expectation of having sex and no particular expectation of further
engagement, novelty has a lot of value, and word-of-mouth is important. If
you are seeing a prospective partner in the nude, or almost nude, then
obviously a gorgeous penis is very attractive to a girl, and she'll want to
get acquainted with it. Most important of all, I think, are a smile, evident
sincerity, and romantic aura. On the other hand, if (for example at one of
our backyard barbecues) I saw a new boy attracted to my body, and if he got
an erection looking at me, I'd want to get to know him better, even
intimately. There's nothing sexier than a handsome stranger with an
erection, a drop of pre-cum at the tip of his penis, smitten by me, by my
face and my figure.

Question 5 about herbal aphrodisiacs doesn't seem to have much to do with
teens. On the other hand, in recent years teens seem to have begun using
Viagra and other medical erectile dysfunction medicines as a matter of
course, even as insurance against nervous impotence. The fact is that
impotence was not ever a major issue in our crowd, either because of
self-selection (i.e., extremely apprehensive boys stayed away) or, more
likely, because the sight of other kids engaged in foreplay and sex was
enough to dispose of the problem. I like the feeling of a penis getting hard
in my mouth, and while it's nice to see an erection develop from afar it
isn't a particular issue or advantage in sexual arousal or performance.

Question 4 ignores the very important issue of oral sex. A huge penis is
unwieldy in my mouth and while I know girls who can't wait to stuff the
biggest possible penis in their mouths, it becomes difficult to manage, to
maneuver. To try to stuff it all in a girl's mouth is not only painful but
stupid: it's the opposite of pleasure. (I deal with the organ in front of me
in the best way possible, in the same way I have learned to take life's
advantages, and its hurdles, with grace. But I don't have to couple giving
delight with self-flagellation. Either way, once the boy's semen flows he
will be happy and if he didn't like my style, his remedy is to find a more
pliable or subservient partner the next time.) There is also a theory that
huge penises are harder to maintain erect, for reasons of blood flow and
pressure, and they certainly hurt entering a vagina. They can be physically
dangerous for very young girls, although our rule mandating same-age sex
meant that wasn't much of a problem for us. Ultimately, and certainly for
the over-18s, it's a matter of personal preference and, if you will, taste.
Lots of boys think that only breasts much bigger than mine can be sexy; one
boy told me if he didn't need both hands to hold a breast, it was inadequate
for his needs, whatever they were. To each his own. The bigger the breast,
the faster it falls with age; whether that is true for penises I don't yet
know.

Question 3: women certainly like to see nude men and they like to see
romantic, sensuous foreplay and sex. I put on my oral sex and my mutual oral
sex demonstrations for girls, not particularly for boys. Our entire sexual
world was female-driven, our parties organized and run by girls. The idea of
girls taking the initiative, disrobing a boy, came natural to us. My brief
career seducing boys (epitomized by my essay "Seducing a Young Boy on the
Boat") 
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/37597
illustrates the point. On the other hand, although Mom occasionally saw me,
and I occasionally saw her at such antics -- and indeed sometimes we had sex
in parallel, especially when she was with the landlord (if that's what you
can call him) of our houseboat -- it's my opinion that such sights were
supportive, not arousing. Unlike having sex around my friends, or seeing a
girlfriend making love to a penis with her mouth and me being jealous
because there was no penis about for me, at least no penis that I would care
to make love to. 

Questions 2 and 1 related to the issue of whether women are more faithful
than men. I don't think that talking in such generalities serves much of a
purpose. The whole point of encouraging pubescent and adolescent kids to
experiment widely is to avoid the situation in which one spouse has less
experience than the other, in which one is less competent or has less libido
than the other, and so on. The ideal is for every couple to have sex once or
twice a day. But, it seems, the real average is 6 times a month for marrieds
and 4 times a month for singles. With that low frequency I don't know how
any couple ever have children much less feel satisfied. Girls do love sex,
very much. It's just that they don't think of it every 15 minutes, and they
associate it with romance and flourishes that many guys don't learn to
appreciate.

----------

My own experience, and my friends'

I think that I have known and felt all these things forever. From the
youngest age I saw my Mom playing with her lovers' penises, although I felt
no reason to pay particular attention. (She had been sent out "flirty
fishing" by the Children of God, and she came to love lovemaking without,
however, thinking in terms of settling down.) Social engineers and religious
hypocrites assume that exposure to sex by children is abuse and harmful; in
fact after satisfying their curiosity it becomes boring. On the other hand,
they don't want to feel excluded, and I think that a locked door is
damaging. I knew from the earliest age about "secondary sex characteristics"
and that with them would come desire. I suppose some girls and boys are in
more of a hurry than others, and some, boys especially, start masturbating
(alone or with girls or boys) once they realize it can make them feel good.
Past puberty, I think frustration born of abstention is unhealthy and I
don't see any practical reason in the modern age -- assuming one keeps to
within a ring-fenced, healthy like-minded community of adolescents -- to
engage in scaremongering about loathsome disease. It seems peculiar to me
that hypocritical adults can engage in such smug deception of adolescents,
lying indeed about the facts of sex.
http://tinyurl.com/4k5yg
http://tinyurl.com/4wua2
(two articles from the Washington Post)
Parents ought to encourage their adolescent offspring to have sex safely, to
experiment with technique, to share bodies and fluids and romance. Best of
all, they should raised them in an environment of easy nudity and open
sexuality without embarrassment or the need for excuse for erection or
ejaculation.

I've described numerous times, in this essay and elsewhere, the period when,
from 12-14 or so and precocious in so many ways, I seduced changelings. What
surprises me most in retrospect is that I was able so easily to distract
them from the process of seduction. Lots of boys would come down to the dock
where our houseboat was, and I picked my target boys selectively: ones of
11, 12 or even 13 who, new to puberty and still mystified by their state,
were made anxious by the mere proximity of my breasts. Of course once on the
boat, if I could catch them peeking down my neckline at my boobs I would own
and control them: I had the absolute right to see their penis and to
challenge them to an erection. For many such boys the concept of penis in
mouth is alien to reality and used only as a taunt or a challenge. Even
considered "gay"! For me to be nude with such a boy was shock enough to him;
to take his penis in my mouth was life changing. I guess I took perverse
pleasure in helping the bull heifer to escape from the corral. (Google has
some four dozen jokes, the punch line of which is "Let his mother worry".
That's how I felt, and my Mom too.) There would be no putting him back in
the stable; I wondered what that would mean for girls he knew. Only very
occasionally would I see one of my boys again such that we could talk about
it. The few times I would have a second round it goes without saying that
the bar would be raised. The boy would have to make love to my vagina,
serious love. Only after he had brought me from zero to climax would it be
his turn. 

The Blond Haired Boy is notable for our having met again, albeit years
later: and we have come full circle now that we're together.
http://tinyurl.com/6jchr
He says he learned from me the art of chatting and by chatting never to give
the target person the opportunity for second guessing or for using reason
over emotion. If the 20/20 program found in their 2004 experiment that
blonds, boys or girls, get attention, my boy found that out years ago, and
learned to captivate, embrace, undress and possess. My lesson, exactly. But
it's a bit different, indeed better, for kids raised in an environment of
sexual truthfulness and openness.

As I have explained, we had a core group consisting of the sons and
daughters of the single mothers who were living at Mom's Friend's House from
time to time. Some stayed long-term or, like Mom and me and a few of the
girls and their mothers and one or two boys, forever. Others stayed on for
as long or as short a time as they had to, refugees from domestic trouble
or, especially in the early days, from cults and the like -- until they
could get their bearings. Lots of kids spent a few weeks with us: these were
offspring of a parent or parents who had lived the 60s sexual liberation and
wanted their kids to live it too. They couldn't: a two week summer camp
isn't a lifetime. Nor can one make up for a suppressed childhood in two
weeks. But at least we tried, and we and they had fun, and they learned
something: how to behave when naked, among other things. And for boys: to
worry when a girl stares at your penis -- there's nothing necessarily wrong
with it.

Kids from both of these groups, alumni of Mom's Friend's House, would come
back from time to time to visit or to attend our parties. Sometimes they
would bring a trusted and eager friend. And, as I've written, once in a
while a mother or a sister would bring a sibling to us to discover sexual
freedom, indeed occasionally for a coming-out (defloration) party. After
all, we were a family-oriented sect, stabilized by the fact of family
commitment. Not infrequently, it would be at the instance (or because of) of
a son or brother who knew that (for reasons of gender balance) boys who did
not live with us were generally only welcome at a dance (or otherwise) if
they brought along a girl: a sister, cousin, friend.
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47533
It takes a certain background, or at least a certain attitude and mutual
confidence and trust and openness, for a girl to accompany her brother to a
party where they will make love to their respective partners in each other's
presence and sight. But then, as I've repeatedly said, embarrassment,
modesty and inhibitions are alien to our culture. More important is the
vicarious satisfaction of seeing a loved one in the throes of passion and
pleasure, the flowing of semen being the proof of it.

Mom's Friend would expect a girl to stay with us for a week or two first. I
have to say that almost none of these kids could be classed as "mainstream":
one does not take a 13- or 14- or 15-year-old kid from a sheltered life and
suddenly introduce her to nudity and free sex. But just as pedophiles are
said to groom children (and I don't exactly know how that can be done by a
stranger, and it sounds pretty evil in any case and I deplore it), parents
can raise children to think of puberty as the watershed for sexual
liberation, something to be awaited with fond expectation as a time for
fantastic, intense new pleasure. Teens came to us because they already had
come to feel the need for sexual expression and experience, not because they
were ignorant and naive. Mothers knew that our group was safe and secure and
drug-free, among other things. As I understand it, the part of Mom's
Friend's philosophy that was most attractive was that control of the
relationship (and the relations) must be female-centered: it was unlikely
that any girl would ever suffer coercion because the presence of other
girls; and girls' management of parties and events and Mom's Friend's
influence or supervision also prevented it. There would be no aggressive
cabal of boys. And, there was the point that every girl should be assured
the freedom to pursue her own pleasure: in other words, what came to be
called the foreplay rule. This included the whole concept of vaginal beauty
and oral foreplay that I have dealt with extensively elsewhere. If a girl
sits with her legs wide apart (and not "ladylike") it isn't a free-for-all
and she is not being "forward". She is expressing her inner beauty. Anyway,
at its best, when made part of childraising, our ethic assured that a child
would know, from the youngest age, the real facts of life. I've described in
previous essays how this played out, and how kids could be casually naked
and choose to have sex for its own sake. Or not. But, given the choice, most
opted to respond to their first urges; and there were always boys and girls
around to play with, patient and understanding partners for an unsteady
debutant(e). 

Actually, there was less fumbling and embarrassment than, I think, among
kids alien to our sort of culture because there was less ignorance. At least
from mechanical and anatomical points of view, anybody who'd grown up with
us or visited us for any length of time or on any number of occasions would
have seen how unfettered affinity between girls and boys works. As far as
boys were concerned, it seems to me that in most cases sex "just happened"
as a result of a fleeting impulse by a girl and a serendipitous and
spontaneous first (well, perhaps not really first) erection on the part of
the boy. Peer influence, indeed pressure, had a lot to do with it. Once a
girl was ready for sex this would be obvious; her peers were enjoying sex in
front of her and she could not reasonably be expected not to follow. Indeed,
typically a girl would realize her predicament and for a few days squirm in
her chair; then she would contrive to be close to boys and they would sense
her desire, and then they would embrace. The girl would play with the boy's
penis, or perhaps he would fondle and caress her first; in either case other
girls and boys would nod approvingly, and there would be no turning back. It
would take almost no time at all from the first caress of the penis to
taking it into her mouth; and from there it would be either minutes or days
before that or another penis found its way into her vagina. If the girl was
lucky her mother and Mom's Friend would spot the change in her early on and
invite her to celebrate her coming out, as I've described. With boys the
story was different, and yet it was the same. As often as not he would be
seduced by a girl, perhaps by me.

Mom always said, and indeed told me long before I had any real use for the
information, that it was especially important to provide reassurance to a
pubescent boy at the time of his first public erection. One didn't want to
scare him off, give him a complex or have him lose self-esteem. I think it
was this advice that eventually led me to try to seduce such boys and try to
make them proud of their erections and their ejaculations. And confident in
their future performance. On the other hand, I was to find that teens who
are new to sexual activity tend to be eager to spread the Good News and, if
free of false modesty, to show themselves off to others and to be the first
to initiate another teen and expand the circle. This is true of both girls
and boys. The main lesson that I learned from Mom, though, is that a girl
should never be afraid of a friendly penis because, after all, the penis is
your friend! She asked me if I remembered how she had taken her partner's
penises into her mouth and loved them, and her partner had kissed her vagina
and she said that this showed how much men and women, boys and girls, loved
each others differences. She also told me to be on the lookout for other
kids at sex play, and to make a mental note of what happens when the boy
ejaculates; and that semen is lovely. She also told me some religious stuff
that I needn't repeat here. In short, what she told me is pretty much what I
came to believe myself, based on experience.

Obscenity is, as they say, in the eye of the beholder. A child who grows up
taking for granted (and looking forward to) what happens at puberty and how
his wants and needs and urges will automatically change, is freed from the
neuroses most teens suffer from. Such a child would know -- and be happy and
confident with the idea -- that after puberty penis in mouth and tongue in
vagina are normal and to be expected and a source of delight for the couple
(Except, of course, for the totally inept, and I've left those people out of
my essays because they are boring. Suffice to say that even all the sexual
knowledge in the world will not help such people.) And that semen is lovely
and spiritually meaningful. Such knowledge, coupled with an absence of
guilt, shame and false modesty, is the essence of progressive sex education
and sexuality. It's taught as much by example as by word. Having as a
toddler seen Mom playing with her lovers' penises and seen her in sexual
rapture, and having been assured that I would be protected until I was
ready, that no penis would be allowed to approach me until I grew breasts
and pubic hair, I would never be afraid of a big penis. But, as I grew and
approached puberty myself, I would gossip and marvel as one by one my
girlfriends passed the threshold, invariably making a point of showing us
their familiarity with penises, their delight at oral sex, the special role
of semen in romance and adolescent girl-boy play. In fact, we had play-acted
and practiced with our dolls (Do girls anymore play with dolls? I read
recently that Barbies are no longer sold to teenyboppers, only toddlers.) so
we were, we thought, ready. Some say that the "danger" [sic] of little kids
being exposed to parents or peers engaging in sex is that they may start
masturbating "prematurely". Even assuming that is a bad (or relevant) thing,
I'm not sure it's true. Lots of prepubescent kids masturbate, and as far as
I know none are ever the worse for it. They were free to do so, as far as
Moses David and Mom's Friend were concerned. This is another of those
bizarre sexual preoccupations of self-styled moralists, theologians, social
engineers and otherwise freaky mainstream would-be dictators, most of whom
probably act out their own weird sexual fantasies hypocritically and
bizarrely.

The main point, as I came to see it, was the depiction of male and female
sex organs as objects of beauty in their own right. I think that this was
one of Moses David's aims, and if so it is beyond criticism. All nude art
does this. (No matter how smart or how beautiful we think we are, there is
always going to be someone around who is smarter, more beautiful; a parent's
job is to make the child happy with the assets she has. Encouraging her to
have sex as soon as she is able -- and using it to help develop her
personality and her prospects -- is one means of accomplishing that. Forget
"shame" and inhibition: they are as little asset to a girl as her hymen is.
Helping a girl to come to know everything there is to know about boy
psychology and boy penis is of more lifelong value. The time for beginning
sex education is soon after birth, by not hiding one's own passion. In
effect we, the resident girls at Mom's Friend's House, were left with the
burden of remedying the mistakes of parents in keeping their girls in
submission and ignorance. My own technique was simply to build up a girl's
curiosity, and then to invite her to look at a penis close up. And then to
touch it. Eventually she would wind up kissing it, and the rest would be
history, although it might take several weeks to accomplish and she might
stick with oral sex for an indefinite time. That brings its own challenges,
of course, if you haven't grown up watching others do it: dealing with
spurts of semen that go down your throat, coming to terms with an acquired
taste, cleaning up a spilled mess if you haven't managed to capture it all
in your mouth. How much better if she had grown up in a community of total
openness and freedom, where you'd learned from other girls' experiences: I
think of Rev. Mary's daughter and how she felt such communion with her
mother that there were absolutely no secrets between them, no need for
privacy, and an eagerness to share every detail of lovemaking between them,
indeed to make an icon of the penis of the moment. Of course with Rev. Mary,
sex has been virtually assimilated to religion and defloration is much more
of a ritual than it was with us. But that's not so far off from some of the
60s sects, it would seem.
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/45030 )

This is showing off, and it is showmanship: exhibition of the most
spiritually beautiful part of the body. If girls made a point of mutual oral
sex with girl on top, it was to show off their vaginas. Even little boys
with no apparent interest in sex or girls' bodies would learn from that and
would come to view vaginas as beautiful and know that in due course they too
would want to kiss and make love to them. I think a mother is deficient in
her duty if she does not, from time to time, show her children her inner
labia and her physiological structure: not just illustrations in books, but
exactly how her vagina works and how her partner's penis fits perfectly and
gives her delight, and leaves her with semen inside. The children don't
necessarily have to be up close, but they have to know.

Just as little girls keeping their distance would come to appreciate that
older girls loved to receive semen from boys, and that swallowing it was
normal, right and good. The point is to orient children towards sexual
satisfaction later on without involving them in anything. Like language
learning, past puberty a portion of one's mind is closed to new material,
and this, I fear, includes sexual openness. Better to have seen, from a
distance, a grand penis being fondled with love and to know that for the
girl whose breasts, vagina, tongue aroused it that penis holds no threat,
but on the contrary a promise of joy and satisfaction and that what comes
out of it is not only heavenly but holy. And that the girl's vagina is a
thing of beauty that every normal boy, from the age of 11 or so, should feel
the natural urge to embrace and kiss, to put his tongue into and taste. The
scene I have used as an illustration at
http://www.angelfire.com/co4/cobil/topl.htm
makes the point: the girl is showing off her own fabulous vagina and her
boy's lovely big erection. Other pictures show the beauty of penetration and
the loveliness of making love, the eagerness of vagina to receive penis.
While the picture is staged, it's the kind of scene I used to like to
contrive in Mom's Friend's backyard. Nobody could ignore my vagina, up so
high; and when I moved around and lowered it onto my partner's face and he
put his tongue inside at the same time that I put my mouth over his penis, I
was, I thought, the belle of the ball. We'd come up for air only when I had
my mouth full of semen; and if I hadn't yet climaxed I'd lie back languidly,
semen still in my mouth, while my partner finished with me.

I liked kids to admire my vagina; I needed boys to see and want it. I liked
to be wanted by many; I thought lust was our greatest attribute and our
salvation. Marriage is a voluntary contract; the sacrament is ejaculation. I
tried to show this. Pre-pubescent kids would pass by seemingly without
noticing, although in fact they would be storing up a memory of what is
sexually normal and sexually attractive and spiritually important. Kids
above that age would be entranced, and adolescents would be aroused and
perhaps start looking for potential partners. The point is that I think it
important that even small children -- casually, even from a distance, and
without the feeling of personal involvement, something which would be
abusive -- know what sex is all about and take it for granted that just as
soon as they reach puberty they will want to have oral sex and that it will
be normal for them both to want it and to do it. Indeed, when I would pose
like that, my vagina high in the air and showing itself off, I wanted every
boy from the age of 11 on up to have an erection, yes, but more than that to
have an urge to kiss it and explore it with his lips and tongue even more
than to put his penis into it. In our shared culture, I knew that boys and
girls as well as men and women saw as much beauty and potential in vaginas
as in breasts, in penises as in physique. Sex parts, and especially sexual
union, were to be celebrated. Recognized overtly (and not solely by
implication, as in most religions) as sacred, holy. As children grow up,
they increasingly come to understand. Then, at a specific instant, they know
for sure.

When Terrific Girl, just about to enter puberty, stood behind me in the
moonlight as I put the sleeping boy's penis in my mouth to see if I could
make him ejaculate in his sleep, she became excited not by any need to do
this thing right then and there, but by the notion that she was growing up
and soon would want to do it. Even with us there is a watershed: a girl has
self-restraint until puberty, and even then until she makes a decision for
rebirth as a sexual, or rather sexually active, being. I remember when, some
months later, she felt ready and what happened then. Mom's Friend must have
discussed it all with Terrific Girl's dad; anyway I would always see him
smile in a fatherly sort of way when he saw his daughter at sex. After all,
he had never had reason to hide his own erections from her, or to be
embarrassed to have his penis inside Mom's Friend's mouth or vagina. It says
something about a girl's relationship with her father that they can carry on
an innocent conversation that has nothing to do with sex, both being naked
and even if the father's penis is erect. (One man told me once that it
bothered him to have an erection in front of his daughter when all would
assume that it was his daughter's body that had aroused him. Whether or not
that was the truth. I told him not to worry; such problems were for the
beholder, not for him, and his daughter didn't seem to mind. Anyway, why
should any man, ever, have to apologize for his erection when it is so
lovely to behold in any case?)

The significance of Terrific Girl's Dad's attitude is significant, since he
was virtually the only constant among the adult men whom we would see at
Mom's Friend's House, being Mom's Friend's partner. He was absent and
traveling much of the time, though. He was not a hairy man, and since he was
the only adult male around in my teen years, somehow he and his penis wound
up representing my taste in penile appearance. In contradistinction to that
photograph of Mom's I've mentioned of the more hirsute Louis Abolafia, who
otherwise had a very lovely penis which he showed off during his Nude Party
campaigns for President. That being the case, when he was at home he would
likely soon be naked. I always looked at his penis has having great
authority: he was the man of the house, and I thought his penis reflected
that: not that it was outsized, because it wasn't, but that it was, I
imagined, strong and stable, handsome. At one stage of my life I envied
Mom's Friend and wished I could kiss it, that I could seduce him. But the
taboo we had on cross-generational sex made that impossible. I guess what
made his penis seem so serious and gave it authority was the one big
difference between adolescents and adults in matters of sex. Adults have, if
they are normal, lost the urge to show off randomly. Even if they lack
(false) modesty they do not impose their sex parts or their sex activity on
adolescents and children. They have sex openly but discreetly. Terrific
Girl's Dad and Mom's Friend might make spontaneous love, but unlike us they
went to their bedroom. They didn't close their door -- that would be rude,
exclusive and rejectionist. If they were nude, which meant in the back yard,
where nudity was de rigueur, we might see the signals of arousal; indeed we
might see fondling and erection -- but vaginal sex was for the bed; and oral
sex, if it took place in the garden, was off in a corner. Discreetly.

The point of their (modified) discretion was to allow us to see life and
love on their part without forcing it on us. I have written of adolescent
sex as if it were a constant presence, but even that wasn't really: only a
few of us stayed at Mom's Friend's House for more than a year; mostly her
home was a place of refuge and many former cultists passed through. These
are, however, essays on our sex lives and our sexual growth, not on our
sports, our music or our secular, nonsexual learning. In those we were
little different from others of our age. The main new point I should like to
make is in relation to all those mothers and children who found a safe
haven, or who spent vacation time, with Mom's Friend either for protection
(asylum from abuse) or to try to recover, and to teach offspring, lessons
learned years before at the Children of God or in a free love commune.
Sometimes a woman would come to us after a separation or divorce, whereas
during her marriage or relationship she was unable, or afraid, to assert the
sexuality that was natural to her as a result of her background. (I'm
pleased to say that my boyfriend is more understanding, and that I know we
can work out a compromise, if only because he had that brief exposure to my
lifestyle in my houseboat days.)

Where children were concerned, part of family deprogramming from abuse was
exposure to a synthesis of free sex with established rules, especially the
one against coercive behavior. A small child who had seen her mother abused
would need to see her mother cherished, and would need to see that abusive
sex is an aberration and that voluntary sex is holy and good and joyous,
ecstatic. For the mother to reject sex would not only be contrary to her own
rearing and her innate nature, but would confirm the impression of her child
that sex is bad and inherently abusive and intrusive. The child needed to be
exposed to the penis as thing of beauty and instrument of romantic passion,
to lovemaking. But exposure from a discreet distance and with maternal
support. Once seen as organ of compassion, romance, pleasure, even prayer,
the penis is no longer weapon or instrument of abuse. That the child's Mom
takes a penis in her mouth and loves it, and that her lover loves her
vagina, reaffirms Mom's worth and, collaterally, the worth of all females.
The penis remains mysterious, but it is now a conduit for romance and love;
its semen a fluid with positive -- we hope sacred as well as romantic --
connotations. If her Mom can smile with semen in her mouth, if she squeals
with delight as her man brings her to climax, then she has overcome the
abuse and all is well. Thus: only time, and growing up in a loving
atmosphere that reinforces the view of penis and semen as instruments of
love and holy communion can provide a holistic cure. It is easy for the girl
who, like me, has "always known" the positive role that the penis would play
in her life. Strangers to our way of life, girls reaching puberty with no
notion of anything but common social rules and falsehoods, may or may not
come around to our way of thought. Girls, and some boys, who have known
spousal and child abuse have an even more difficult time unless they are
still very young. Even so, I think most girls and boys who passed through
Mom's Friend's House on the way to adulthood were better for it. I made many
friends, and many of those came often to our nude parties throughout their
teen years. Which means they inevitably had become well-adjusted and happy
sex partners. When we meet for occasional reunions in Our Town, usually at a
nude picnic in Mom's Friend's backyard we try to recapture old memories,
seeing and recognizing old faces. And penises. although far more discreetly
than in the old days. It's fun. A few relationships have blossomed; there is
still little inhibition and no embarrassment. It is refreshing to know that
even if new laws and new political correctness make our old lifestyle
impossible to repeat (in its carelessness (in a literal sense) and its
spontaneity, at least its essence lives on. There are children raised today
who are not ignorant of their destiny and potential, who are not ignorant of
human biology and the rudiments of human sexuality. Who take for granted, I
am told, that when they reach puberty girls will have penis in mouth and
boys tongue in vagina. Is that European or what? (Ah, if we only had a forum
in which to discuss these issues.)

Getting back to Terrific Girl: she had her first vaginal sex on a chaise
longue at the swimming pool. Of course we tend to remember to embarrassing
or the funny parts, and it happened that the boy tickled her as much as
aroused her at first, so she laughed when we all expected her to sigh. But
with her legs spread apart and his tongue at her vagina, her little
breastets bouncing about, it was such a lovely sight. Finally somebody,
perhaps it was Older Girl, told the boy she thought Terrific Girl was
probably ready but just too hypnotized to speak, and the boy got up,
exposing her gaping vagina. He moved into position and Terrific Girl guided
his penis inside her with two hands. Her virginity went away scarcely
unnoticed and unregretted. She smiled and was suddenly one of us, sexually
active from that moment on. I don't think that age 12 or 13 is too young if
a girl has the knowledge and has loving friends around to protect her. None
ever told me she regretted the timing or manner of taking her first penis in
vagina. The boy himself was not older than 14 and was shy and disarming and
solicitous. I remember his penis to this day, because it was quite thick at
the tip and not so thick at the base. Its head was very round and its slit
seemingly prominent. Shrunken it looked dark; big and erect it was very
pink. Terrific Girl knew what she wanted from him and from it. After the boy
came inside her, she went on to play with the penis and eventually to make
it hard again, to kiss it and taste their combined liquids.

The boy, in fact, fell in love with her that day; but Terrific Girl was far
from ready to commit to anybody, least of all a 13- or 14-year-old. She was
committing, rather, to boyhood and the penis and the semen as messenger, and
to girlhood and its bodily feelings and functions. She knew our philosophy
too well to succumb to puppy love. Her boy could hover about her the rest of
the day, his penis intermittently erect and excited; but the next day he
would have no claim on her, however nice he had been before. She remained
nude: standing there smiling, with her new breasts, her unshaven, light
triangle of pubic hair, a trace of her inner labia still showing. I had to
give her a kiss and a hug. Later her father would do the same. Now that she
was in play she would be surrounded by many boys, and she and they could
show off their bodies and personalities, naked or clothed. Surrounded by
boys she would pick one; the other boys would find other girls that day or
succeed with her another time. She would remember face and penis, kindness
and courtesy. Meanwhile, the boy was now available: one reason I could
describe his penis in such detail is that I spent a lot of time playing with
it over the next year; it became one of my favorites. One of the loveliest
aspects of our freedoms was that we girls could pick and choose a boy at
whim, based on face, personality ... or penis. And we could be as critical
as we liked. Terrific Girl has always had the gift of personality that
enables her to send boys away, however disappointed, still on good terms and
hopeful of future success. Sometimes, if she basically likes them, she just
matches them with another girl for sex now and to put them on hold for some
future time; the "other girl" will surely report back to her on his
performance -- assuming they haven't had sex right then and there. Anyway, I
wondered sometimes when I had that first boy's penis in my mouth and his
eyes were closed whether he was imagining me as Terrific Girl. I'm sure all
those other substitute girls wondered the same thing about whatever boy she
sent them off with.

A girl can make arbitrary choices of boy and penis, and of course in our
protocol no choice is immutable: it's for today and not tomorrow. It's best
if the girl keeps her selection criteria a secret and just concentrates on
making the boy very happy and on seeing to it that he satisfies her, looking
to the friends around her for support if he seems neglectful or forgetful of
that. Not every girl -- as Gypsy Rose Lee's mother Rose made quite clear in
the musical -- attracts men the way Terrific Girl does. It's a question of
figure, personality and technique. On the other hand, any but the most inept
can attract enough boys to have a wonderful sex life through adolescence.

(In my essays I do not much address the 18+ crowd because other factors
predominate: beyond the interest in sex for its own sake is the search for
commitment and life partner; and prospects and money and so much else enters
into the calculation. Not to mention the public health issues once the
universe of partners expands to include the whole world. A 14-year-old on
the pill probably is safe from infection from a casual encounter with a boy
her own age from a closed circuit of potential partners. Even a college-age
girl has to think twice before she puts the penis of an unknown boy into her
mouth or her vagina.)

One of the disadvantages of the flighty and transient nature of our sex was
that, in showing off a boy, and his penis and his semen and his joy at what
we had done for him and he had done for us, everyone knew that our liaison
was for that day only. How much credit can a girl get among her friends,
strutting about with the best penis on the block when, a day later, it will
be gone? Still, every girl knew who among her group were most in demand. I
suppose that every girl who will give head is in demand in some sense, but
in fact it's obvious which girls have first pick of the best boys and their
penises; and of all the girls I've ever known I would have to place Terrific
Girl in the lead. I described her standing there the night of my "seduction"
of the sleeping boy, having, at my command, dropped her nightie to the
floor. If she had only the earliest of breastlets and the first bits of
pubic hair, she already had style and poise and sensuousness and a promise
of love. The metamorphosis going on behind her vulva, her physical bodily
changes, seemed already to have reached her emotions and her personality;
indeed that's why she was with us that night, and why she had joined our
conversation before when Older Girl and I had been discussing the mechanics
of the penis and wondered about whether putting it in my mouth, making it
erect and then making it ejaculate would or wouldn't awaken the boy.
(Vladimir Nabokov knew this, and when he wrote of Lolita cross-seducing
Humbert Humbert he set out her physical dimensions to prove that she was not
only willing, but ready and able to take a penis into her vagina.) Terrific
Girl wanted to know what it felt like for the penis to be stiff in your
mouth, what it tasted like when semen rushed out. Yet she still a girl
needing our advice and shelter and protection; not too many months later she
would ready to take the initiative and to make love. What a miracle that is
But it is, after all, the story of womankind, isn't it?

That one night, older Girl, standing beside her in the moonlight, also nude,
with mature, solid breasts and lovely sculpted, fuzzy pubis and vulva, had
been counterpoint, a model of what Terrific Girl would be. (Our bodies were
not all of them so classically lovely as hers, not that it mattered so long
as personality and attentiveness mattered as much.) Then the sleeping boy
stirred, he came in my mouth, and the spell was broken. Terrific Girl smiled
sweetly at the sight of the sleeping boy's semen in my mouth, on my lips; I
suppose she saw then her own happy future in front of her. I swallowed, and
we went back to our room and to bed.

For years afterwards the three of us would occasionally have sex in
parallel, not in any way competing with each other, each of us with a
partner of about our own age, demanding and getting climax and semen. Often
we would choose partners for each other, searching out "an interesting
penis" or "an esoteric lover" or "a bearer of lovely semen". I always
thought it cute for girls who are friends to be playing with penises next to
each other, not in any sort of contest but just having and giving fun at the
same time. It magnifies your orgasm to know that your best friend is
approaching hers right within your reach, and it's sexy to see how she --
like you -- is working to prolong and increase her partner's pleasure.
Perhaps it is somewhat deflating for boys to have their girl giggling and
sharing attentions with girlfriends similarly occupied, I don't know. But
surely their orgasm is no less fun for that. Terrific Girl had an amusing
way of capturing and monopolizing a boy's attention and making him
uncomfortably aroused and erect. Ultimately it would be she who would
release his penis from clothing and show it off to us, and she would take as
long as she liked -- indeed as long as it took her to get excited -- before
taking the penis in her mouth. But then don't we all love to have a boy
kneeling at our feet, his mouth at our vagina, his penis stiff and urgently
awaiting its turn. There's something endearing about a girl using her finger
to lift off seminal fluid leaking from such a penis and putting it to her
lips. It's not just the boy in question who loves to see it, but girls who
may be watching as well. The amazing thing is that this is a drama we can
repeat constantly, young or old, all our lives, with one man or with many.
It -- life -- is, as Anthony Powell said, "a dance to the music of time";
and that's especially true of the dance between girl and penis. Girls who
grow up without our background may love sex, but they do not, it seems, love
the penis as we do, love to watch, to hold, to feel and caress it, not just
as part of foreplay but especially in the wake of satisfying sex, as
prolonged afterplay. (Well, afterplay, like foreplay, is something that has
to be learned, at least I my experience and at least for sexually-active
young adolescents.) The erect penis, made erect by me, acknowledges me as
girl, as woman. Semen, whether flowing or dried and sticky, acknowledges my
role, my importance, his need of me, and the divine plan. My friends all
think the same way, and if one of us has finished up it's often hard to
devote to her partner the post-coital attention he deserves, for we start
thinking about our friends, and we want to see how they are coming along. To
see and hear my girlfriend gasp in orgasm is almost like having a second one
myself, and then I want to see the semen she'd collected, and I want her
partner to know that I love him for having made her so happy.

I don't remember whether it was Mom or Older Girl who showed me that one way
to create maximum tension and excitement is to withdraw a penis periodically
from my mouth, to admire and kiss it, and resume its slow stimulation; that
once ejaculation starts the stimulation must be constant and unrelenting
until the last drop of semen has been discharged. As with the duck's feet
while swimming, there is much unseen work to assure the boy maximum pleasure
and assure maximum discharge of semen. At the same time, I need to have the
confidence to give orders as to what he is to do for me; the presence of my
friends nearby makes it certain that he will do it. To my mind, though, a
boy who is reluctant and who makes oral love to my vagina only out of
compulsion has been badly brought up, and I would like a word with his
mother. I would think of the mothers who so proudly escorted their boys to
defloration parties, who delighted in their boys' erections and
ejaculations. As for the boy, I would expect him to be proud of his penis,
proud of his erection, proud of having made a girl very happy.

If a mother has that in mind as her boy's penis grows from babyhood to
adulthood, then she should have a hand in training him in his responsibility
as well as his joy. Why should not parent and child see, know and appreciate
each other's body, its beauty, functionality, sanctity, throughout the
growing up years? Not in a sexual way, of course, but in a sense of familial
pride and vicarious satisfaction. If this kind of relationship and trust is
not established by the third year of life, it's probably already too late.
Just as the mothers of those two kids who still live at Mom's Friend's House
took a hand in their sex education and shared delight in their early sex
experiences, it would be nice if all mothers could overcome social pressures
and indoctrination and have an openness to their kids' growing sexuality.
Surely families that spend a lot of time together in the nude must feel
amazement and delight in the puberty year of their kids. (That amazement was
exactly the impetus behind my seducing all those changeling boys with their
half-big penises and their wondrous expressions as they reached orgasm and
ejaculated into my mouth.) But even so, in mainstream life I don't expect
many moms to take pleasure and satisfaction in seeing their 11- or
12-year-olds embraced in mutual oral sex, to a gymnastic twist and finish up
with penis in vagina. But precocious kids should be recognized for what they
are and appreciated for the fun they can have. And protected from outside
predators. 

As it happens, in the incident I wrote about the kids who were showing off
their newly-practiced soixante-neuf for me and Mom, this was our first
thought and first emotion. As I wrote, the sight of the boy's sticky,
still-erect, still-growing penis was a delight. I saw it often thereafter in
a similar state, and it was seemingly larger and more confident each time.
Unlike the rest of us, those two kids joined together in a monogamous
relationship. Today they still flaunt their sexual relationship, although at
their current age even outsiders can't object. Nobody, least of all Mom or
me, would find anything but good in it. It's just that it's rare; and of
course even childhood sweethearts can break up, and can divorce. But to see
a girl love the boy and love his whole body and especially his penis; and
the boy to reciprocate and take real joy to have his tongue in a girl's
vagina which he has seen grow and develop and ready itself for him and his
semen, is a particular delight. To see them both looking at each other
expectantly, the boy with an erection, is a real joy, indeed a gift. The
point is that a parent, or a person in loco parentis, wants the adolescent
in her charge to enjoy the best that life has to offer. That inevitably
includes, indeed features, sexual pleasure. There is no point in the parent
pretending this isn't so, or her offspring concealing the act, and the
pleasure it gives. Semen, the mark of pleasure and sacred passion, deserves
to be seen and admired and blessed. If I introduced a boy to Mom and if we
were having sex, I would have thought it quite to be desired and expected
that she should see his grand and gorgeous penis before and after. He should
not be embarrassed but pleased by the attention, deferential to Mom for
welcoming and appreciating him. She would turn her eyes from his face to his
penis, and she would smile. Then or later, seeing it erect, her eyes would
sparkle. Especially in my early days of experiencing sex, when I was just
12, I would take a boy over to her for approval, and I might even caress the
boy's penis, run my hand up and down it, to make it as big as possible. That
I could and did do this shows the nature of our relationship, as well as my
influence over some of the boys.

The boy, after all would likely have been brought there by his own mother
because she shared our religious, or at least our child-rearing, customs and
beliefs and protocol. A lot of times that would be because she had detected
that he'd begun masturbating or had just made assumptions based on penis
size and erections. Certainly no mother who saw me make her boy's penis
erect let on that this was her first sight of it in that state. If mother
and son had a good relationship it might be because they'd discussed his new
and unfamiliar urges and, at his age, the difficulty in finding
sexually-active mainstream girls. As I've described, lots of families are
very open about their kids' passage through puberty, and if they are naked
together a lot the subject of sex is bound to come up. A pubescent penis
doesn't have to grow very much to be capable of sex, especially oral sex,
and lots of girls -- myself included when I was younger -- like nothing
better than to take one of that stage in their mouths and play with it to
see how much, if any, semen will come out. I've always thought it a shame
that so many boys, like Mr. McAfee (Bye Bye Birdie), don't realize their
penises are growing and becoming more useful until after it's happened and
they've lost a year or two of fun and romance. I know that when I have a son
I will teach him from birth about his potential, and I'll encourage him to
think of sex as soon as he gets his first pubic hair and try to meet up with
families of a similar point of view. And ditto for a daughter. I would be
ashamed, sorry anyway, for any daughter who is still a virgin at the end of
her 13th year when there is so much fun she could be having, so many penises
to play with. If we can maintain relationships with similarly-minded
families, the transition should be easy. Ideally I'd want to be there for my
boy's first orgasm, for his first ejaculation, to make a fuss over him and
his girl. To see those extra drops of semen spill out of his penis after
sex; to see his semen in a girl's mouth. As I've said many times, my son's
DNA will be my DNA, and I will be proud to see it flowing and the girl who
swallows it will become, for the moment, part of me. I've already written
about how sisters delight in the knowledge, and even the sight, of their
brothers' first sex; indeed I've always thought it particularly wonderful
that siblings could share that kind of joy vicariously. But then, as I've
written, a brother's semen is the sister's DNA too. For them to attend
dances and parties together can hardly be surprising, and all the kids who
would hang around Mon's Friend's House but who didn't live there were from
among our partygoers. I've also written about the families who take annual
family photos in the nude, to make a permanent record of both their family
togetherness and their children's sexual development. I think that's a great
idea and I want to copy it.

Family understanding, indeed vicarious pleasure, in each other's sexual joy
is important. I've always known that. If I was making love to a boy with his
sister about I tried to be especially imaginative, if not competitive. She
was not competing with me for her brother; still I wanted her to see how
happy I could make him. And induce her to commit to another boy the same
emotion and effort as I. Mutual oral sex was nice, usually with the boy on
top because it tends to work better that way when the penis isn't yet very
long. Although my vagina would then be less prominent for viewing, that
would not be an issue in that context: that's for collectively arousing
groups of friends. When it came to vaginal sex, lifting my legs over and
back the way Mom taught would give a nice view of the brother's penis
entering and leaving my vagina, a view that we could all share together and
that the sister would appreciate more. You can see pictures of that sort of
position on the Web page I've put together and linked above.

Virtually all of the kids were used to family nudity, and many were active
naturists, nuanced in a sexual way. The size and shape of a sibling's, or a
child's, genitals should be of no surprise to such kids. Their progress
should give rise to delight and celebration for a whole family. A younger
sibling should be happy to know, and to see, an older one at casual sex.
Indeed, the surprise and the magic is in their natural process of growth and
development, which, while gradual and barely noticeable while it is
happening, has such beautiful consequences, and not just for the
participants. Familiarity does not diminish amazement, I think, with the
realization that the new adolescent is a sexual being. We already know that
human beings have sexuality at birth; it's just that for nearly all the
urgency and manifestation of that sexuality comes with penile and vaginal
growth. As I myself found, one doesn't need to be finished with puberty to
welcome sex, and as everybody knows, once introduced to sex the need for it
is ever present. Nor should an erection be a source of embarrassment, within
a family, among friends, at a dance or party, on a nude beach. In fact,
though, naturists and prudes both get upset, I guess even more upset than
they contrived to get at the sight of Janet Jackson's nipple. My
French-Canadian co-workers has pointed out to me a long newsgroup discussion
on this subject, and any reader who knows French might want to have a look.
It appears some guy in France got an erection while sleeping on a nude
beach, and he was arrested for it.
http://tinyurl.com/635g8
I tried using Google's language tools to translate it into English, which
only makes it funnier, especially because Google doesn't know what to do
with his typos ("dromai" instead of "dormais"=slept):
http://tinyurl.com/4tvkz
(The translation facility doesn't seem to work as expected with Firefox, and
with IE you may have to click on "Naturist Jul 14 2002" to get it working.)

Getting back to the original point about brothers and sisters enjoying sex
in each other's presence, I notice that girls ordinarily watch with
equanimity their brothers ejaculating in a girlfriend's mouth, but some,
maybe many, brothers wince at the sight of a penis in their sister's mouth.
I don't know why it should be so. Well, yes I do, and it's called a "double
standard". I guess it is a personal thing, and I hope a minority within our
type of family. I don't expect a boy to be aroused over his sister, but
rather to appreciate her for who she is and to share her own pleasure. Only
those who -- falsely and outrageously -- see humiliation and insult in a
girl's enjoyment of semen would begrudge a girl what might be called
"libertine autonomy". My own solution, especially if I had any doubts about
him, was to caress a boy's penis and hug and kiss him as his sister
approached her climax, perhaps taking his penis in my mouth and exciting him
so that they could share the moment in parallel, so to speak. And I can only
quote Terrific Girl's father who remarked, in response to no particular
question, "What is so precious about virginity? If it is scorned in a woman
of 25, why should it be blessed or, worse, demanded, in a girl of 15?" Since
the time he said that, indeed, one can reduce those ages to 22 and 12,
judging just by what I see on MTV. I haven't written much about sex among
over-18s simply because it's so banal, and there's little to be learned by
others from me on that score. On the other hand, I have much to say about
how a family's approach to sex at puberty and in adolescence can and does
impact upon a child's total development and later sexual satisfaction and
social happiness.

----------

Final comment

It's a pity that ABC couldn't survey adolescents. We all know that there is
limited direct contact between and among different cohorts. Sexual practices
of pubescent teens differ from those of adolescents, and are much different
from college-age kids. Adults, with a wider universe of potential partners
and (generally) focusing on finding a permanent mate, have different norms
and different desires. And different health risks. Neither did ABC consider
oral sex, religious matters, "free sex" or health concerns. It dwelt with
ten "myths"; and as we all know, knowledge banishes myths. So the answers,
at least to some of the questions, were obvious to me as they would have
been to anyone who'd spent time at Mom's Friend's House having fun and
making love. Perhaps, like the Lake Wobegone crowd, we were all above
average. Certainly Mom's Friend saw to it that we were healthy: like most
progressives we had lots of nature, no fast food, rather little canned
entertainment. Good food, sunshine, good sex, sports, culture and academics:
not a bad recipe for growing up.

A fair question, asked often, is whether after my fabulous growing up with
all that sex with all those boys can I ever remain faithful to a single
partner. (Question #2 of the ABC 20/20 program) The answer is yes, if the
man is the right one and is full of romance and love. And especially if we
build a family together. But my experience -- and his -- joined together
will make our sex lives that much better. Just as you grow out of formal
education without ever ceasing to learn, one can grow out of libertine sex
in favor of family life. Given the prerequisites.


Love,
Carol



A POSTSCRIPT: as it seems wildly improbable (for good and sufficient reason,
including Mom's prolonged ill health and the close attention that she needs)
that I shall be back at this venue soon, let me distill into a few words my
thoughts about sex and growing up, for those may not have been following my
train of thought in the past: I think of sex the way Mel Brooks's Ulla ("The
Producers") does: a form of liberation, a human right to pursue. A bodily
function and a spiritual duty. And I think that applies from the moment of
puberty. I think that access to the supreme pleasure of orgasm resolves so
many of the issues and problems of adolescence that, when safely pursued,
kids grow up well adjusted and make sensible choices in life. And, after
all, there is nothing cuter than to see pairs of adolescents frolicking and
nothing more beautiful than the engorged penis and the eager vagina. Guilt
and shame and modesty have no proper place in sexual relations between two
otherwise uncommitted persons, where pride and delight are (or should be)
the operative emotions, and the sight of a daughter taking -- spiritually --
a penis into her mouth and exciting it, even showing it off, should evoke
pride in any parent. (It follows, of course, that there should be equality
of right and that any social norm which deprives girls of the right of
initiative is invalid: girls are, indeed, as fascinated by and as drawn to
the penis as any boy is to girls' breasts and vaginas.) Sexual dysfunction
is most often a product of sexual ignorance, sometimes of sexual arrogance.
For couples to be undressing, fondling, arousing, satisfying and ejaculating
with friends and family about does more to reassure, to support and to
enhance than any conceivable sex aid or sterile counseling. A girl's first
time, as I've repeatedly written (and a boy's too, I think) is critical to
her future well-being, and the confidence and delight of playing with and
kissing a penis, seeing and feeling it become erect just for her, and having
a boy's tongue satisfy her, all with friends and family watching and
approving, becomes the basis for a long lifetime of relational happiness. It
also, as I've noticed, reduces teen anxiety and aggression, with favorable
implications for later life. (The presence of the family and friends is far
from sexual; it is spiritual and supportive and protective.) And this is
true whether or not one agrees with our premise that sexual feeling and
satisfaction -- and indeed semen itself -- are sacred manifestations of holy
will and divine command and means of spiritual communion. And then there is
the vicarious delight at seeing a loved one experience a new lifetime
pleasure: the lovely sight of a young man with a newly big penis tentatively
erect, approaching a flirting girl: and she, teasing and exciting him,
caressing and fondling, taking it in her mouth -- and guiding his mouth to
her vagina. And later, with new confidence, the boy joining his peers in
regular, free sexual joy: his erections and his ejaculations now a source of
pride to himself and his girls. One never tires, one is never jealous of,
the sight of penis ejaculating in another, of fresh joy on the faces of two
friends. Indeed, the pleasure is something to be wished for every boy and
every girl as soon as he and she cross the threshold of puberty: and indeed
anticipated by every child approaching changeling age.

Interestingly, pubescent and early adolescent kids do not spend much time on
kissing and cuddling and foreplay: unlike older kids and adults they move
quickly to direct genital stimulation. After this occurred to me, I realized
why I so often found young boys impatient when I had their penis in my mouth
and tried to proceed slowly and sensuously towards their ejaculation. Too
often they would try to take control of the cadence and move their penis in
and out, rather than letting me set the pace by the motions of my head.
Being assertive I would always try to regain control, in part because I
wanted to set the timing of the ejaculation, and also because I enjoyed the
process and, keeping my eyes always open, wanted to watch as well as feel
the effect of my lovemaking on the boy's penis and balls and face. Some of
the time I would just pull away and force their head down towards my vagina
with the simple explanation that it was now my turn and he could have a
second opportunity later. Rarely would I have sex a another time with such a
boy. Life is too short to waste time on selfish snobs. Or any person who can
be described with any word starting with the letters "sn".

Once I passed beyond that age and found men more patient, I rethought my
whole philosophy. I decided that youthful impatience is just one more reason
why early sex is good: even if boys and girls do not spend a lot of time
kissing and caressing, they do take quickly to oral sex. They become expert
at it and as a result they also learn to appreciate each other's needs and
pleasures, to assure their partners maximum joy. And once a boy or a girl
has become comfortable kissing the other's sex parts, that comfort will last
a lifetime. As will the appreciation of genitals as objects and instruments
of beauty and semen as medium of communion or proof of love, as the case may
be. Adolescents love to show off: for example with mutual oral sex as an
exhibitionistic celebration of penis and vagina. And they have a positive
approach to semen, having come to like swallowing it, and being seen to
swallow it, in puberty a girl will always enjoy it and often will come to
see its spiritual side quite on her own. As I said, it's obvious these
issues could not be addressed in the ABC 20/20 program; I'm mentioning them
here to underline how so many sexual myths arise out of nothing more than
teen ignorance and adults' attempts to suppress teen libido.

Dear reader, we shall never meet, at least not knowingly. But I wish you a
fabulous life and -- those of you who are as young as I was when as a
pre-teen I discovered the joy of sex -- a most fabulous future of sense and
sensibility and sensuousness; respect and courage. And, all of you: I hope
you learned something about an alternative lifestyle, born of the 60s sexual
revolution and religious cultism, that ought to be considered a valid option
for teaching kids about their bodies and about each other.

----------

I've illustrated some of the points made in this essay, not in a titillating
but rather a clinical way, at:
http://www.angelfire.com/co4/cobil/topl.htm

An index of previous essays about my life and research can be found at:
http://www.angelfire.com/co4/cobil/

Links were working at the time of writing, but as we all know, they do have
a limited life span.

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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