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From: "dai_wakizashi" <dai_wakizashi@hotmail.com>
Subject: {ASSM} REV Tales from an Unknown Corner 02/04 {Dai_wakizashi} (MF, FF, MFF, cons, rom, an, or, toys, pet)
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Date: Mon,  5 Jul 2004 16:10:02 -0400
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<1st attachment, "tfauc-pt-02.txt" begin>







Title: Tales from an Unknown Corner
Chapters: 06-11 (of 20)
Author: Dai_wakizashi
Universe: Tfauc
Summary:  Journey of a troubled young man looking for a path and 
people around him, who, at times, give shape to his journey.
Codes: MF, FF, MFF, oral, anal, toys, petting, romance, drama
Status: in progress
Revision: 2.0

Web Sites:
  ASSTR-  http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/dai_wakizashi/www/
  SOL-        http://storiesonline.net/home.php
  EWP-       http://www.ewpub.org/ewpub.html

Discussion Forum:
   http://www.ewpub.org/messageboard/viewforum.php?f=76

*****************************************************************

STANDARD DISCLAIMER

This piece of fiction is intended as ADULT entertainment. It 
contains material of an adult, explicit, SEXUAL nature. If you are 
offended by sexually explicit content or language, please DO NOT 
read any further.

All characters in this story are fictitious; any similarity to any 
persons, places, individuals or situations is purely coincidental. 
The author does not necessarily condone or endorse any of the 
activities described in this story.

This story may not be reproduced in any form for profit without 
the written permission of the author, Dai_wakizashi 
(dai_wakizashiAThotmailDOTcom).

This story may be freely distributed with this disclaimer 
attached.

Copyright (c) 2003-2004 Dai_wakizashi. All rights reserved.

*****************************************************************



              TALES FROM AN UNKNOWN CORNER  [Tfauc]



CHAPTER - 6: A Gift



My sleep was restless. At one point, I remember feeling a cold 
draft on my back. While I was slowly rousing up from my sleep, I 
felt the bed sag and a warm hand running on my back in a soothing 
manner, massaging. Then there were the whispered words, "Sssshhh! 
Just relax, and sleep," repeated like a mantra, urging me back to 
sleep.

I remember the hands being replaced by the warmth of a soft body 
molding itself against my back, spooning. An arm encircled my 
body, tender fingers caressing my chest, lulling me to sleep with 
their gentle caress while cuddling me. The rhythmic blow of hot 
air on my neck and shoulder from the steady breathing, 
interspersed with soft kisses... urging me to relax and sleep. I 
was too tired to respond, and the almost hypnotic manipulations 
of the hand and the whispers were difficult to resist. I was 
enveloped by the warmth of a female body, giving me shelter and 
guiding me into a deep, dreamless sleep. Somehow I knew I was in 
the care of loving hands. That was the last thing I remembered.

Several hours later, I woke up, coming out from deep sleep. The 
transition was gentle, going through gradual steps, from sleep to 
half-awake to fully awake, with a dreamy quality... a very 
pleasant experience compared to how I usually woke up at the rig-
site--a sudden lurching wakefulness. Before I woke up completely, 
I knew Dana was spooned behind me. Her breasts were soft pillows, 
the heat of her lower belly warming my lower back, and her arm 
clutching me with a gentle hold. I listened to her steady 
breathing, content to be in her arms, her body a warm comforting 
presence. I felt at peace, with myself, and with the world.

As my senses came fully awake, I opened my eyes. A full moon was 
supplying the illumination through the half-open drapes, bathing 
the room with a soft, diffuse light. I knew I was well rested, 
and couldn't go back to sleep. Yet. I was undecided, caught 
between wanting to soak and lose myself in the feel of this 
gentle woman, and wanting to watch her sleeping form in the soft 
moonlight filtering into the room. I didn't want to disturb and 
wake her up prematurely, so I stayed in the bed for quite some 
time. Eventually the decision was taken out of my hands, when 
nature came calling.

I extracted myself gently from her embrace, being careful not to 
disturb her, and got out of the bed. After the pit stop, I 
decided to brush my teeth and tongue to get rid off the dead 
mouse that seemed to have found a home in my mouth. Back in the 
room, I moved the armchair to face the bed, before taking a seat. 
I watched her sleeping peacefully, with her hair half spread on 
the pillow, and half covering her delicate features. She was a 
vision of beauty, but that was pale compared to what I had come 
to know; her inner beauty, the gentle, loving, caring soul she 
had shared with me. As I thought about what she had gone through, 
my anger flared at the unfairness of it all. She was a rare 
treasure, not only as a woman but as a human being. As I 
continued to watch her sleeping form, I slowly came to the 
realization that anger had no place, here, in this room, 
especially in her presence, and I let it go. That was a surprise, 
because I had very rarely let go of my anger before, usually only 
when it had started to overwhelm me. Most of the time I 
suppressed it, or kept it under careful control, always close by, 
at my call.

_What did you do to me, Dana? You, sweet, gentle soul... what 
kind of magic have you used on me? Thank you... I wish I could 
help you some way. I'm sorry I haven't been much of a help to 
you._

With these thoughts running in my mind, my heart ached for her 
and her pains. At first, I didn't notice it, not until my vision 
got blurry. Even then, my first thought was I must be getting 
sick. When I felt the first drops of tears on my chest, I 
realized, I was crying. I ruefully thought, 'I'm turning into a 
regular crybaby,' but I didn't fight it. It was a quiet cry, the 
tears running steadily, until they came to a stop on their own. I 
wiped my eyes, and cheeks, then took a quick look at Dana and saw 
her still asleep.

I was ready to go back to bed, but there was one more thing I 
wanted to do before that. I wanted to remember her, as she was 
now, an angel sleeping. All the time we've spent together was 
already in my recollection, but I didn't want to leave anything 
to chance. If over time some of them faded, I wanted a special 
one that would stay with me for a long time. She was one of those 
rare people with whom I felt a special bond. I wanted to make 
sure that this moment was captured; a small part of her forever a 
part of me.

I regulated my breathing, and went about clearing my mind. Once 
that was done, I let what my eyes were seeing fill in the empty 
space. Then recalling memories of her voice, her fragrance, the 
feel of her body as I held her in my arms, the heat of her body 
as she spooned with me, I added them to the image. When I was 
satisfied with the results, I cleared my mind, and after several 
deep breaths, I stood up and stretched my muscles. Now, I was 
ready for a couple more hours of sleep.

I carefully got into the bed on Dana's side, with the intention 
of spooning with her, but I realized my body was ice cold. 
Pulling the sheet and the blanket over me, I waited until my body 
was warm, and rolling on my right side, I gently molded my body 
behind her. At the contact, she started to rouse, almost waking 
up, but then relaxed to my embrace. My left arm encircled her and 
she instinctively moved my hand to her right breast, and pressed 
her body against my chest. Pushing her ass back, looking for more 
bodily contact, she molded herself to me. I realized she was 
half-awake. I heard a soft sigh escape her lips, and in a few 
minutes, she faded into a deep slumber, her breathing steady and 
slow. A while later, I fell asleep, cuddling an angel that had 
crossed my path.



* * * * *



I must have moved sometime during the night; when I woke up, I 
was on my back. Dana was on her side, half draped on my body, her 
head resting on the crook of my arm, her right arm thrown 
carelessly on my chest, and a firm breast pressing against my 
right side. She had her right leg over and entwined between my 
legs, her hot juncture and pubic hair resting on my right thigh. 
To my consternation, I realized she was completely naked. At 
least I had my boxers on.

It was early morning and dark, with little illumination. I 
guessed the full moon was probably setting down. When I turned my 
head to inhale her fragrance I felt her hand move, drawing, 
tracing patterns. I responded by caressing her from shoulder to 
hipbone with my left hand. She looked up with sleepy eyes.

"Good morning, beautiful," I said.

She raised herself a bit and slid up, her right hand brushing my 
cheek with her fingers. "Good morning, handsome. How did you 
sleep?"

"Like a baby. How about you?"

"Best sleep I've ever had," she replied giving me warm smile, 
then put her head on my shoulder. Her right hand was busy 
caressing my neck, and down my shoulder and chest, tracing 
patterns, raising goose bumps with her featherlike touch.

"Do you mind that I came to your bed?" she asked.

"No. Just surprised," I replied, wondering why she had.

Perhaps she heard my unspoken question, or perhaps she wanted to 
explain herself, because she said, "I couldn't sleep for a 
while... restless... decided to check on you, and you were having 
an uneasy sleep. I guess I felt lonely and wanted the company as 
well."

I kissed her on top of her head, but then I chuckled at the 
thought of spending the night with this gorgeous woman, 
remembering we had chosen a suite to have privacy.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh! It's nothing."

She rose up, looking at me. "Come on, fess up. What's so funny?"

"It's your question. How can any man, let alone a 25 year old 
hormonal guy, mind spending the night in the arms of a gorgeous 
woman like you?" I replied.

She gave me an admonishing look. Then, softening her expression, 
she said, "You aren't hormonal, Mitch. You are a gentleman. 
Otherwise I wouldn't have been here."

I offered sincere thanks for her compliment. She had an 
unreadable expression on her face, and her eyes seemed to be 
searching for something... but for what, I didn't know.

"Are you all right?"

She nodded, giving me a smile, "I've never been better." Then she 
lowered her face, and kissed me on my lips, taking me by 
surprise. It was a gentle, caring kiss, but there was a subtle 
hint of passion that made my blood course faster, waking me up.

Pulling back, she gave me the same searching look, then her face 
broke into a smile, her lips curling with amusement, as if she 
knew something that I did not. "There is a lot that can be said 
for being a gentleman, but... like anything else, it shouldn't be 
taken to excess."

I looked at her and blinked, confused, before...

_Is she saying what I think she's saying?_

She lowered her face and gave me another kiss, full of passion, 
taking my breath away, and bringing my blood to a boil in mere 
seconds. I sure was awake if I hadn't been before. When the kiss 
ended, I was panting, and I could feel my pulse in my temples. 
Her heat on my thigh was already starting to burn me. I saw her 
self-satisfied smile at the effect her kiss was having on me. I 
gave her a questioning look, but all I got in return was a small 
nod and a soft smile. Before I could react, she straddled me, and 
lowering her torso to my chest, she started rubbing her erect 
nipples against my chest.

I wanted her... but this was going too fast. I wanted to slow 
things down a bit. More importantly, I wanted to make sure this 
was what she really wanted. I pushed myself up to an almost 
upright sitting position. Then I wrapped my left arm around her, 
pinning her torso to mine. Using my right arm as a pivot, and my 
legs as leverage, I quickly but carefully flipped and rolled our 
bodies, getting a surprised shriek for my efforts. Once she was 
on her back, I extracted my left arm behind her back, and put my 
hands on either side of her torso to support myself, looking at 
her.

She was watching me with curious eyes, although her desire was 
clear. Putting my arm down to support my weight on one elbow, I 
lowered my body, and with my free hand, I brushed her temple, 
down her cheek, neck, and then up behind her ear. When I leaned 
for a kiss, her hands reached to clutch my neck and pulled my 
head down. She kissed me with a fierce passion and hunger. There 
was no question about what she wanted, but my overworking mind 
was questioning her motives. As the kiss ended, I looked in her 
eyes searching for answers.

Sensing my hesitation, she reined in her passion, and asked, 
"What is it... Mitch?"

"You don't know how happy I am to get to know you. You'll always 
be a part of me, Dana. Whether we do something or not." I 
replied.

She gave me a brilliant smile. "I know that. And I am happy to 
get to know you. You'll always be part of me, but... but, I want 
to have a special memory from you. Of you."

I sensed that was what she wanted, and her eyes were telling me 
the same thing and more. She knew years from now, I would 
remember what we were going to share and that was what she 
wanted. Her gift to me. The emotion of the moment caught me like 
a violent storm, and I felt my eyes getting moist.

"Mitch. This is not therapy. This is happy making, and I want 
this to be my gift to you as well as your gift to me," she said, 
and pulled me down for a soul kiss, making me lose myself in her.

When the kiss was over, I lifted my body, and sitting on my 
heels, took a good look at her.

"I think I'm overdressed for this party," I said, and went about 
removing my boxers.

She spread her legs in invitation, feet firmly planted on the 
bed, and knees raised. I could already smell her arousal. On my 
knees, I crawled between her legs, and hunched over her body, one 
arm supporting my weight on the side of her torso. I brushed my 
fingertips, tracing soft, teasing patterns from her forehead to 
her cheek, then to her neck. Down to her shoulder, I moved to her 
collarbone, then headed south to her tits. She had great tits, 
full, firm, yet they were soft without being saggy or flat. 
Lowering my lips, I gave teasing licks to her left breast, 
evading the nipple. Making small circles, my tongue moved closer 
to her nipple. After licking her areola, I moved to her right 
breast, repeating the same pattern. Her breath was catching and 
she raised her chest urging me to take her nipple, her hand 
reaching out to pull my head down to her breast.

I quickly raised my head. Getting hold of both her hands, I 
gently crossed them and held them above her head with one hand. 
Transferring my weight to that hand, I had my other hand free to 
stroke and tease her breasts. When I was restraining her hands, I 
paid careful attention to her reaction, looking for any signs of 
anxiety; her violent experience in the past not far from my mind. 
She wasn't scared being under my control, but she was getting 
impatient. To appease her, I quickly captured one nipple, gently 
licked it, and closing my lips around it, applied suction. When 
it was hard, I gave little nips with my teeth. Her back arched, 
and I could hear her breathing getting heavy. She had sensitive 
nipples. Turning my attention on the other nipple, I licked and 
sucked it to hardness.

Her hips were active, rolling, twisting. I spent several minutes 
teasing her breasts and nipples, using my hand, and lips, and 
tongue. Lowering my body, I let her nipples dig into my chest 
while kissing. By Gods, did she know how to kiss!

Lifting off her, I let go of her hands, but she kept them there, 
watching my next move. Kneeling, I rested my weight on one hand, 
and I ran my fingers under her breasts, cupping them and pulling 
her nipples, gently twisting them. Then I traced my fingers down 
her sides, and onto her belly, feeling it contract. I moved down, 
kissing and licking as I went. Soon I was settled between her 
legs. Bypassing the strategic places, I started with the insides 
of her right thigh, licking, kissing, and running the back of my 
finger and nails over her smooth skin, making her shiver. I 
repeated my attentions on the other thigh and, sensing her 
impatience, I relented.

I moved my hand to her pussy, which was clean shaven except for a 
narrow patch of hair over her mons. Her labia were already 
swollen, and seeping some moisture. I slid a finger between her 
folds, collecting her dew, and ran it along her slit, parting her 
lips, drawing a soft gasp. I could feel her heat, and I couldn't 
wait longer to taste her, so I leaned forward to kiss her labia. 
Extending my tongue, I licked from bottom to top, trying to get a 
good taste, while spreading her lips further, and felt her 
shudder. Her oils were light, almost watery, and tasted great. I 
started to work on the inner lips, giving quick licks, and her 
hips started to get active. I applied a little suction on her 
labia, slowly making my way to her clitoris, which was peeking 
out from its protective hood. Licking around it, I gave it a soft 
swipe with the bottom part of my tongue, making her jerk. I put 
my hands on her inner thighs, and spread her legs further. She 
raised her hips and her hands clutched my head, guiding me to 
lick her the way she wanted. I followed her lead.

While my tongue was busy, I removed one hand, and slowly inserted 
a finger. She was tight and hot. And very wet. The abundance of 
her oils helped me to penetrate her channel easily. I slowly 
stroked my finger, and added another finger... and rotated them. 
Forming a hook, I went looking for the 'on' switch. If what I had 
read in Playboy was true, her special spot should be somewhere in 
the roof of her channel. Concentrating on what my fingers were 
'seeing', I continued my search until I came across a bumpy spot 
that felt different than the surrounding area, when she gave a 
little yelp. I gave a soft experimental rub, and almost got my 
lips cut when she suddenly jerked her hips up, with a shriek.

_Yayyy! Jackpot!_

I moved my hand from the insides of her thigh to her belly to 
restrain any violent reactions as much as possible. I started 
licking and sucking around her clitoris, with an occasional 
direct swipe, and rubbed her special spot with my fingers. Her 
hips went crazy, rolling and jerking, her hands pulling and 
pushing my head, almost ripping my hair. There was no way I could 
restrain her violent reaction, so I just tried to keep my mouth 
and fingers in place. I was enjoying myself too much, so I didn't 
let go.

Her little shrieks changed to soft mewling sounds. I eased up a 
bit to let her catch her breath, before resuming my attack with 
increased vigor. She started a soft wail, and her hips started to 
shake, and I could feel tremors running across her belly. Her 
hands pulled me hard to her pussy. She slammed her hips to my 
face... and she froze, giving a moan that ended with a small 
scream.

I felt her pussy fluttering around my fingers, as her channel got 
even wetter. Her hands pushed my head away, and taking the hint 
her clitoris was feeling sensitive, I focused my attention on her 
labia and inner lips, while stroking my fingers very slowly, 
giving occasional and featherlike rubs to her special spot. She 
was panting as if she had finished a 100 yards dash interspersed 
with occasional mewls. I gave her soft slow strokes with my 
fingers, and once her flutters stopped, I pulled them out slowly. 
Giving a long swipe with my tongue, I probed inside her channel 
as far as I could, enjoying her taste. I finished my attention to 
her pussy with soft licks. When I looked up, her eyes were droopy 
as if she was ready to fall asleep, with a contented smile on her 
lips.

I kissed my way up her body. Supporting myself over her, I leaned 
in for a kiss, wanting to lose myself in her. Her arms came up, 
encircling my back, and she pulled me down... hard... surprising 
me with her strength. This lady was a real tiger. All my weight 
was on her, her breasts crushed under my chest. When I tried to 
lift myself up, she was having none of it, insistently pulling 
down, so I succumbed, luxuriating in the lush feel of her body. 
Then she locked her lips to mine, and gave me one of her 
passionate kisses, making me forget everything.

When the kiss ended, I was hot as a firecracker, my erection 
throbbing with urgency against the inside of her thigh. I was 
scared I would pop before I had a chance to get inside her. It 
had been quite a long time for me, and what's more she was way 
beyond any girl I had been with. I lifted up my body, keeping 
contact with her breasts. Then it occurred to me I had to get to 
my suitcase for condoms. I never thought I would get lucky, and 
now I was caught unprepared. I was pondering how to get to them 
without breaking the mood, when she noticed something was up. She 
gave me a questioning look.

"I-I... ummm... I hate to break this moment, but I need to get to 
my suitcase... for condoms," I said.

"Mitch, are you clean?" she asked.

I nodded.

She said, "I'm also clean. It's been quite a while, and I have 
always been careful."

When I gave her a questioning look, she nodded.

"I think we know each other well enough to trust. I want you like 
this. I want to feel you... all of you inside me--flesh-to-flesh. 
Is that all right?" she asked.

Instead of answering her, I kissed her. While we were kissing, 
her hand reached down, and I lifted my hips to allow her hand 
some room. Finding me already hard and ready, she rubbed the head 
between her folds, coating it with her oils, then guided me into 
her entrance.

When I eased forward, I felt her wetness and heat. With short 
strokes, I started to slide into her tight channel, taking my 
time to make sure I was properly lubricated. She was really 
tight, but I could feel her trying to loosen to ease my entry and 
her wetness helped. She felt like liquid heat. I hadn't felt that 
kind of heat before, but then I had not been with too many women. 
Pulling her knees up more, she placed her heels on my buttocks, 
urging me to go deeper. Completely inside, I took a look at her. 
Her blue eyes were intense pools, full of passion and warmth. I 
felt I was drowning in a sea of love. I wanted to kiss her, but I 
knew if I did, I would lose it before I even started making love 
to her.

I started with short strokes, and when I felt her get used to me, 
switched to long strokes at a slow pace, enjoying her slick 
channel and heat. I changed between long and short strokes, 
making sure I was grinding my pubic bone to stimulate her 
clitoris. Her hips were rolling and twisting and then, I felt her 
use her inner muscles, catching me by surprise. She was already 
tight to start with, and when she started using her inner 
muscles, there was no way I could last, so I buried myself in her 
depths and stopped my strokes. She urged me with her heels, and 
threw her hips at me, but I ignored her.

Giving her an earnest look, I said, "If you want to enjoy this, 
you have to ease up on me, OK? Otherwise, I'll pop very quickly. 
It's been a long time, and you're feeling fabulous. I can't last 
if you keep that up."

She stopped massaging me with her inner muscles and let me drive. 
When I calmed down, I started to stroke again at a slow pace, and 
kept it up for quite some time, changing the pace and the length 
of the strokes. Supporting my weight on one arm, I teased her 
breasts. Then, hunching, I sucked on her nipples, nipping them 
with small bites. Lowering myself, I kissed her neck, while 
rubbing my chest on her nipples. I could feel she was getting 
closer, and I was moving along as well. I wasn't sure if I could 
hold out until she came, so I slowed my pace further. But this 
time, she was having none of it, and urged me on.

"Mitch, please. Let go. I want you to let go," she said.

When I didn't comply, she threw her hips at me, trying to fuck 
me, while rolling them. As if that wasn't bad enough--or good 
enough depending on your point of view--she started using her 
inner muscles, again. When I gave her a warning look, she 
answered with a remorseless grin. I could feel the tingling 
sensation at the root of my cock, and knew I was getting ready to 
unload. To distract her, I took several short hard strokes, and 
was pleased to see her catch her breath. For a moment she 
faltered with her internal massaging and eased up on me. So I 
kept up the hard short strokes. But with her tightness, I was 
getting there faster. The stimulation was too much. I was 
desperately trying to find a way to make her come.

Pulling her knees more, she locked her feet on my lower back, 
which tilted her hips, changing the angle, and allowing me to 
penetrate deeper than before. I took couple of hard short 
strokes, taking advantage of the position, and then with a long 
slow stroke I penetrated as deep as I can. I didn't want to come, 
yet.

"Come in me, Mitch. Give it to me," she said softly.

I was struggling to keep myself from unloading in her, and I saw 
her give me a shake of her head as if to say 'don't hold back.' I 
gave her a pleading look, but for all my trouble she answered 
with a grin like a cat that's about to swallow a mouse. Seeing 
how much she wanted it this way, I gave up my efforts to control 
the burning feeling in my balls, letting out a resigned sigh.

"Yesss. I want it... all of it," she said, her throaty voice 
driving me crazy with desire.

To make her point, she gave a teasing, almost playful smile and 
started to milk me with her muscles, making me squeeze my eyes 
shut with pleasure, and drawing out a moan. I opened my eyes, not 
wanting to miss her eyes glittering with arousal. She was really 
enjoying making me cry with pleasure, and I found myself lost in 
her blue eyes, letting her carry me over. When she felt me pulse, 
her face lit up in joy, and she pulled me in for one of her soul 
kisses. It was an overwhelming experience. The combination of her 
kiss and the milking actions felt like I was being drained at 
both ends. Like a candle being burned at both ends. As my pulses 
weakened, she kept her milking action, drawing out my pleasure.

Then, I felt her moan in my mouth, and she broke the kiss. Her 
hands moved to my shoulders and her fingers dug in painfully. She 
looked like she was having difficulty breathing. Then her back 
started to arch, and her nipples dug into my chest like hard 
pebbles. I lifted off her body, supporting my weight on my arms, 
to allow her to breath more easily. Her eyes closed, and she 
sucked in her breath, before starting a soft wail. I felt her 
pussy flutter, not the regular massaging she had been doing, but 
erratic flutters. Realizing she was coming, I ground my pubic 
bone into her, trying to stimulate her clitoris. The way she 
arched her back offered her breasts to my tender mercies, so I 
took advantage of the situation. Hunching myself, I captured one 
erect nipple and sucked at it... hard. Then nipping it between my 
teeth, I pulled it gently, making her scream. Switching to her 
other nipple, I repeated the treatment. Then she relaxed, and 
sank into the bed. As she was starting to come down, I licked her 
breasts and suckled her nipples. When she opened her eyes, their 
intensity fixed me. They were enormous pools, and I felt like I 
was drowning in their depths. So blue, azure blue and swirling... 
I could feel the after effects of her orgasm, the ripples in her 
belly, and the occasional trembling that coursed through her 
body.

I leaned for a kiss, and she grabbed me in a fierce hug, pulling 
me down hard, wanting my weight on her body. I acquiesced, and 
while lowering my body, slid my hands under her, taking my weight 
on my elbows, and hugging her. She writhed, rubbing her breasts 
against my chest while locking her lips to mine for another of 
her trademark kisses. It left both of us breathless and panting. 
I felt like I had gone through the wringer, completely drained, 
and drowsy. I didn't want to fall asleep. Especially with my 
weight on her body. I started to kiss her neck and shoulder, 
luxuriating in the lush feel of her body.

"Stay inside me, Mitch," she whispered.

For several minutes, we stayed like that, entwined. She unlocked 
her feet and put her heels on my ass. I was semi-hard, going 
soft, and she started to massage me with her internal muscles, 
making me gasp. I licked behind her ear, and nuzzled her neck, 
making her shiver.

I gently admonished her. "Behave."

Even though I was enjoying her attentions immensely, I wanted to 
catch my breath for the second round.

She laughed, and with a playful tone she asked, "Am I too much 
woman for you?"

I rose up, and looking straight in her eyes, I replied, "You know 
you are."

We both knew the score there. I was happy that she had come, and 
I wasn't bothered that I lasted such a short time, and came 
before she had.

She cupped my face in her hands, and giving me a loving look. 
"Ahh! Sweetie. I didn't scare you, did I? You're fun. Much more 
fun than you can imagine. I loved it."

Then moving her hands to my neck, she pulled me in for another 
kiss. By Gods, I never enjoyed kissing as much as I did with her. 
She gave me a couple of hard grips using her inner muscles, 
making me pant in her mouth. When we broke the kiss, my head was 
spinning. With a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, she kept her 
gaze on me, and started to roll her hips suggestively, making us 
both break out in laughter. I hadn't recuperated yet, I needed a 
bit more time. I'd never had a partner like her before, with such 
control of her vaginal muscles. Her playful nature, how she 
shared herself with me, endeared her to me, with the other things 
I felt for her. I wanted to cuddle with her, and enjoy the feel 
of her body.

"Can we change position... you know roll over, so you're on top? 
I want to cuddle, and feel your body on mine."

"As long as you stay inside me," she replied.

Carefully we rearranged ourselves, so that we could roll over 
without breaking our connection. Once I was on my back, she 
reached for the sheets and the blanket, pulling them over her 
lower back, before draping herself over me. Then she put her arms 
on my chest, crossing them and resting her chin on them.

"Why didn't you let me drive? You almost missed it," I asked.

She gave me an amused smile. "I had already come, if you 
remember. And I was so hot to have you come inside me... I 
_really_ wanted to feel you coming in me. I knew you might not 
last, and wanted to drive you crazy."

"Well, you did."

With a self-satisfied grin, she said, "Good. It was a trip. You 
may not realize that, but it was a real trip, doing that for 
you."

I could see her point. It had been a trip, and she had enjoyed 
it. That wouldn't have changed if she hadn't come.

I felt her grip me. When I gave her a questioning look, she 
replied, "Oh, I don't think we are finished yet," like a spoiled 
child who had been given a new toy, making me laugh.

"Gods, Dana. I may be young and hormonal, but I'm not sure I'll 
survive you," I retorted.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure you survive. That's another thing 
you'll come to know. At a certain age, we get to be insatiable, 
but not too insatiable to waste a stud like you," she replied, 
with a teasing grin while she continued with her internal 
massaging.

"I think I'm getting the idea," I retorted. Then in a more 
serious tone I added, "I don't think I'll ever get enough of you, 
Dana. I'm not talking about what we did, although that's part of 
it."

When I raised my head, she leaned, and we shared a soft kiss.

_Could I say it? Should I say it? If I can't say this to her, 
then to whom can I say?_

"I love you," I whispered.

Her eyes widened for a moment, then she gave me a long appraising 
look.

"I love you too, Mitch... but--"

I shushed her. "One has nothing to do with the other. I know how 
I feel about you... and her. I love you. You'll always be a part 
of me."

I cupped her face, giving her a look that said I meant it. I was 
coming to realize the depth of my feelings for this woman, and 
when I thought about it, the intensity of my feelings surprised 
me.

"I'll never have enough of you. What we shared is only a small 
part of that. You have a piece of my heart. I can't change that. 
I don't want to change that," I said with a conviction born out 
of certainty about my feelings for her. With that, I wrapped my 
arms around her, caressing her back.

She put her head down on her arms, and relaxed into my cuddle, 
but I sensed she was perturbed. I didn't want her to think and 
worry about our little exchange. Moving a hand to her neck, I 
massaged several spots softly. There were several nerve bundles 
that if stimulated in the right manner helped a person to relax 
and fall asleep. I hadn't used the technique before, but with the 
post coital glow and lethargy, I thought it would work on her, 
and make her fall asleep or at least relax.

Unfortunately, she wasn't as lethargic, and after five minutes 
into the massage she asked, "What are you doing, Mitch?"

"Sssshhhh! Just relax. This will help you rest for a short while, 
and you need it. Trust me."

She gave a sigh, and let herself be guided to sleep. A little 
later, she was breathing slowly, sleeping. Grabbing hold of the 
sheets and the blanket, I pulled them over her shoulders, 
covering us. My hands were busy running on her back, easing her 
into deeper sleep, and after a while, I followed her blissfully 
into sleep.



* * * * *







CHAPTER - 7: Surrender



I woke up to a strange sensation of being tickled. When I opened 
my eyes, I saw her watching me with amusement. I realized she had 
been using her hair to tickle me, running it on my shoulder and 
face. The room was awash with light, and I realized the sun was 
up.

"Feeling frisky?" I asked.

She laughed, then replied, "No. Your friend woke me up!"

To make her point she clutched me a few times, and I realized I 
was still inside her and erect.

"Sorry. What can I say? I don't think I will ever have enough of 
you, Dana."

Sliding up a bit she gave me a passionate kiss, then looking in 
my eyes, she said, "I love you too, Mitch."

I cupped her face, and said, "I know." Then our lips locked, and 
she brought me to a burning fever, my penis throbbing inside her. 
When we broke the kiss, I asked, "Do you want to drive?"

She smiled and nodded. We were glued, so she went about getting 
us unglued. Once she accomplished that, she rose up and pulled 
her knees to the sides of my pelvis and straddled me. Grabbing 
hold of my penis, she lowered herself, taking me inside her. Once 
I was buried deep inside, she made small sliding motions, rubbing 
her mons, trying to stimulate her clitoris while clutching me 
with her inner muscles. She varied her moves by rolling her hips, 
or with side-to-side, back-to-forth rocking motions, taking her 
time to bring us up.

I was busy cupping and massaging her breasts, teasing her 
nipples. When her breathing changed, I slid one hand to her 
juncture and rubbed my thumb over her clitoris, wanting to bring 
her over. She shook her head, but I smiled and ignored her. I had 
enjoyed her playfulness, coming to appreciate how great it could 
be. What's more, I wanted her to have a taste of her own 
medicine, although I wasn't exactly sure if I could pull it off.

_What the hell. Go for it. The worst that can happen is she'll 
fuck you to death. There are worse fates._

The thought made me smile, but Dana took it as a challenge and 
gave me a warning look. When I stuck my tongue out, she started 
to laugh, her tits quivering in a fetching fashion... Yummm!!!

She leaned in for a kiss, and when our tongues started to duel, 
she captured my tongue between her teeth, giving it a nip, then 
released it. Breaking the kiss, she lifted up, holding herself 
hunched over me with her hands on the sides of my torso.

"That was a warning, Mitchell. Don't fuck with me," she said with 
a playful tone.

"I am not fucking with you. You're fucking me... Well, that's not 
exactly true. We are making love."

However, as if to contradict myself, I gave her long and hard 
strokes and kept applying pressure on her clitoris with my thumb, 
making her arch and offer her breasts. Not missing the 
opportunity I raised my head to capture her nipple, then applied 
a gentle suction, and raked it with my teeth. I heard her pant 
and gasp, but did not let up in my ministrations. I wanted to 
feel her come. When she started to shake, I took long slow 
strokes, moving her along and felt her freeze in mid-stroke. I 
buried myself as deep as I could and, switching nipples, nipped 
it lightly while my thumb went crazy on her nubbin. I felt her 
inner muscles relax and then flutter like crazy. Her breath 
caught, then she let out a moan. When I saw her arms shaking, I 
pulled my hand from her clitoris, and held her under her armpits 
with both hands, supporting her weight, and gently lowered her on 
my chest. Reaching down, I cupped her ass cheeks, and gave her 
short hard strokes to keep her going. When her trembling started 
to subside, I stroked her back and brought her down.

A few minutes later, she raised her head, and asked, "Did you 
have fun?"

"Look who's talking?" I retorted.

She answered with an unabashed smile, then said, "It was fun, 
wasn't it? Now. I want you to fuck my brains out and come in me."

"I would love to, but first, I need to make a pit stop and have a 
sip of water or something. I'm thirsty. How about you?"

"Yeah, I'm thirsty too, but I want to keep you inside me. It 
feels soooo good."

"Mmmmm... Same here. I can wait. Love this."

About ten minutes later, I knew I couldn't postpone the call of 
nature. She realized the problem, and with a resigned sigh, 
lifted her hips, releasing me from her warm shelter. She was 
still playful, though. She gripped me while pulling off.

"You know, that stunt will make you wait even longer," I said, 
good-naturedly.

"You are _mean_," she retorted.

"It's got nothing to do with being mean. I just can't go when I'm 
this stiff," I replied.

"Damn! I didn't think about that! Oh, well," she said, shrugging. 
"If I must, I must." However, her eyes were smoldering with 
arousal, contradicting her words.

"Yeah? Than I am the Pope," I retorted, teasing her.

Laughing, she came back with, "I don't think so. Otherwise you 
wouldn't be standing at attention."

I know when I'm licked, so I shut my mouth, and headed for the 
fridge. Taking some ice and a bottle of water from the fridge, I 
went about filling two glasses. I returned the bottle into the 
fridge and closed it. Taking the glasses, I went back to Dana.

Before I gave her the glass of water I leaned in for a kiss, and 
she sat up to kiss me. When our lips met, I moved my hands to her 
tits, with the glasses still in my hand. She had great tits... 
with lovely nipples... and I wanted to see them perky and hard. I 
was hoping she wouldn't get too angry with me. When I touched her 
breasts with the cold glasses, she gave a shriek, and jumped 
back. Quickly I stepped to the side, and put the glasses on the 
nightstand. After her retreat she was moving in to hit me for my 
stunt, so I caught her arms, and crossing them, I held them above 
her head with one hand. She struggled, but couldn't escape my 
grip. Looking at her eyes, I moved my other hand to one of her 
breasts... slowly. She started to struggle, trying to escape my 
grip, so I stopped the advance of my hand. When she stopped her 
struggling, I eased my grip on her wrists, and then freed them 
from my hold. I waited for her reaction.

She put her hands on the bed, watching me, and I slowly moved my 
left hand to her breast. When she didn't move, I gently cupped 
her right tit, and felt her shudder from the cold. While rubbing 
her nipple between my fingers, I reached for one of the glasses 
and took a sip, catching a piece of ice. Turning back to Dana, 
who was watching me with curiosity, I leaned in, and gave a cold 
lick to her other tit, making her shudder. She wasn't aware that 
I had the little piece of ice in my mouth. Gently sucking her 
nipple, I let the ice slide over my tongue, and pressed it 
against her nipple. I felt the little nubbin swell and harden 
and, removing my lips, I chewed the ice and swallowed it. 
Capturing her nipple, I gently sucked and nipped it with my 
teeth. And felt her shudder, again.

Easing my attentions, I looked up at her. "Dana, if you haven't 
realized it by now, I'm a tit man, and I couldn't resist that 
stunt with your great tits. I love seeing them so perky, and your 
nipples so hard."

Then reaching for the other glass, I gave it to her. Picking my 
glass, I downed it, leaving the few cubes in the glass. Tilting 
it to my palm, I got the cubes, then taking a deep breath, I 
cupped the ice cubes to my cock and balls. At first, it was a 
shock, but it wasn't that bad. When I was a teen, I had ice cubes 
dumped in my swimming trunks more times than I care to remember. 
I had also done it to friends many times and, as they say, 
paybacks are a bitch. Seeing what I was doing, Dana gave a gasp 
when I cupped my balls and cock with ice cubes in my hand. Before 
the cold got bad, I removed my hand, feeling my erection wilting.

Seeing the curious look in her eyes, I said theatrically, "The 
things we do in the name of love..."

She let out a laugh. "Well, if you haven't done that, I was 
planning to do the same... after the stunt you pulled on me. 
Paybacks and all that..." she retorted with a snicker.

"You wouldn't..."

"You want to try me?" she dared.

I didn't, and putting the glass on the nightstand, I went to the 
bathroom. After relieving myself, I stepped into the shower, to 
wash away the dried cum and her juices. The warm water felt good 
after the ice cubes. Drying myself, I returned to the room, 
finding Dana waiting for me sitting on the edge of the bed with 
her legs spread and feet on the floor. Her pussy lips were 
swollen, and slightly spread. Her tits looked perky and her 
nipples were very erect. Her eyes were smoldering in arousal and 
expectation, with a mischievous twinkle mixed in.

She directed me to stand in front of her. I was wary of what she 
had planned for me but curious as well, so I stood in front of 
her. She told me play with her tits, and I touched them gently. 
They were cold, and I realized she had used the ice on her tits. 
The nipples were diamond hard. When I cupped her tits, and 
started tweaking her nipples, she gave a sigh of pleasure. My 
hands were warm from the shower, and to her cold tits, they must 
have felt hot. Keeping eye contact with me, she reached out to 
hold my semi-erect penis. I steeled myself for the cold feel of 
her fingers, but was surprised to feel warm fingers gripping me 
gently, making my penis throb at her touch.

She gave a small smile at my surprise, and then opening her mouth 
wide, she took me inside, without letting me make contact with 
her lips or tongue. Then she sealed her lips, and swirled her 
tongue around my penis, making me yelp with surprise. Her tongue 
and mouth was cold. Not only that, but there were small pieces of 
ice on her tongue, probably from a piece she had chewed. She had 
a very talented tongue, and with her soft lips she was applying a 
nice suction, making me swell despite the cold feel of the 
melting ice and cold tongue. Her eyes were laughing at me, 
satisfied that she had caught me unawares. Since I was semi-hard 
she easily swallowed my whole length several times, sucking and 
licking and swirling her tongue. As I hardened, she let out more 
and more of my length. I was panting, and gasping with her 
efforts, and my legs were starting to shake. The cold and warmth, 
the suction, and the teasing tongue had me hard in no time.

Opening her mouth wide, she tried to take as much of my length 
inside as she could, letting me slide on her tongue. Then closing 
her lips, she let her tongue go wild, and slowly pulled back 
applying a strong suction, making me moan. It felt like she 
wanted to pull my balls through my cock. When I popped out of her 
mouth, the head of my cock was an angry purple, swollen, and 
throbbing. I wasn't anywhere near coming, but her efforts had 
given me a rock hard erection.

"Mmmm... Looks ready for action," she said.

"I don't think so," I replied, and when she gave me a questioning 
look, I said, "It is only half ready without your soul kisses."

"You like them?" she asked.

"They take my breath away."

When I leaned to collect my kiss, she locked her lips, and in a 
few seconds had me burning with fever.

When I stood up, I pointed to my erection, which was harder than 
ever. "See. That's what you do. But that's nothing compared to 
what you do to my insides or to my heart."

She leaned and placed a soft kiss to my belly, pressing her check 
against my stomach. She wrapped her arms around my lower back. I 
put my hands on her shoulders, rubbing and massaging, when I felt 
her tremble. I didn't realize she was crying, until I felt the 
wetness on my stomach. Concerned, I extracted myself gently from 
her arms, and knelt between her legs. Cupping her face in my 
hands, I looked at her.

"Dana... what's with the tears?"

"You make me happy."

I wiped her tears with my thumb, and kissed her. "Are you sure 
they're happy tears?" I asked.

"Yes, they are, Mitch. I'm really happy. "

After giving me loving kiss, she said, "You will make me much 
happier in a few minutes." She continued with a throaty tone, "I 
want it hard and fast," emphasizing both words and hitting 
something primitive inside me.

Then she moved up the bed. Settling comfortably on her back, she 
pulled her knees to her tits with her heels on her buttocks. 
Holding onto her knees with her hands, she spread her legs. The 
view she gave was almost obscene, wantonly displaying herself, 
offering her womanly charms unabashed. I could see her labia 
swollen and spread open, giving me a peek at her pink interior. 
The way she offered herself without reservation, and the way she 
was inviting me into her body made my blood boil, and I was 
having difficulty to control my urge to pounce on her and pound 
her to oblivion. She knew the effect she was having. Even if she 
hadn't said what she wanted, her actions would have conveyed her 
meaning.

With a knowing smile, she teased me. "See something you like?"

The tone of her voice combined with the smell of her arousal, and 
the view she was giving me made my nostrils flare with desire, 
and I wanted to ravish her. But, I didn't want to hurt her. I 
knew even though she might be slick with her juices, she was 
tight, and I couldn't just jump on the seat and start pounding 
her into a mush. What's more, I didn't want a fast fuck, I wanted 
to make soft, sweet love to her.

Her words gave me an opportunity to slow things a bit so, giving 
her a growl, I said, "Yep. My breakfast and I'm very hungry."

Cupping her sex as if to protect it from my attentions, she said, 
"Oh, no, you don't. I'm not clean and I'm burning. I want you to 
take me. Hard and fast. Please?"

_Give her what she wants. That's what she wants!_

My inner voice was right. It wasn't my decision. She had stated 
what she wanted, and was offering her body the way she wanted, 
without any reservation.

_What a woman!_

I nodded my agreement, and crawled onto the bed.

"I want to ravish you. You don't know what you're doing to me. Or 
may be you know what you are doing," I said with a growl. "But I 
want to make sure you're ready. I don't want to hurt you, OK? I 
love your taste, and I want to sample it. May I? I'll give you 
what you want, but I want a small snack before that," I added 
with a smile.

"Not too long! I can't wait. I'm too hot," she said, while 
removing her hands and placing them on her legs to keep herself 
spread open.

I knee walked and cupped her cheeks. Before I dug in for my 
breakfast, I saw the half-full glass of iced water on the 
nightstand, and had a brilliant idea--to cool her off a bit. 
Sitting back on my heels, I asked for the glass of water. She put 
her feet on the bed, twisting to reach for the glass, when she 
realized what I was planning. Turning back to me, she shook her 
head, denying my request. When I insisted, she gave a resigned 
sigh, and reached for the glass. Just when she had it in her 
hands she stopped for a moment as if something occurred to her 
mind, and put the glass back on the nightstand.

She lay back on the bed, gave me a mischievous smile, and said, 
"Leave it for the time being. I have a better idea."

When I gave her a questioning look, she laughed, and then said, 
"It's a surprise. You'll like it. In fact, we will both enjoy it. 
Trust me. It's going to be great. Come. Eat me."

I was puzzled by her cryptic words, and was curious about her 
surprise, but she seemed very enthusiastic about what she 
planned, so I decided to follow her lead. When I lowered my lips 
to her pussy, her smell took my breath away, hitting me like 
lightning, making me throb with desire. I could feel her heat 
without touching her. Her clitoris was already out of her 
protective hood. She was really ready. I wanted to loosen her so 
that I wouldn't hurt her when I was inside her pounding away.

Dipping my tongue inside her channel, I collected her oils, 
enjoying her taste, and started to lick away at her inner lips, 
making her tremble. Then slowly I inserted one then two fingers, 
and went about loosening her tight channel. She was burning 
inside. I was tempted to rub her special spot and make her come, 
but I knew that wasn't what she wanted. Still, I wanted to give 
it a try. Raising my head, I looked at her, my fingers busy 
stroking slowly. I rotated them and forming a hook, I touched her 
spot, making her hips jerk. She shook her head, "Please, don't."

I nodded and slowly removed my fingers. She was ready as she 
could be, and I wanted to be inside her. When I moved up her 
body, she stopped me.

When I gave her a questioning look, she said, "Time for my 
surprise."

She directed me to stand on my knees, and sitting up, she took 
the glass, and took a sip of water and an ice cube. Chewing the 
ice, she reached for my cock. Cupping my balls, she gave a smile, 
and I knew what she was planning. She was going to blow me with 
the melting ice and water in her mouth. She had done that before, 
so I didn't understand what's the big surprise, but decided to 
let her continue with whatever she planned. It was sure to be 
something.

As she took my cock in her mouth, the cold made me shiver. Her 
mouth wasn't cold enough to wilt my erection, even when she 
pressed her tongue with the melting ice pieces against it. It was 
an exquisite feeling, like the previous time. Her tongue was very 
active, teasing me, while she applied a gentle suction and 
stroked me up and down. She stopped to take another sip with more 
ice, and went about giving me an ice blowjob. Taking me as deep 
as possible she applied stronger suction, and pulled up, letting 
me slide over her tongue, and popped me free from her lips. She 
put the glass back on the nightstand and rearranged herself as 
before, knees drawn to her tits, legs spread wide.

"Now, you're ready. I want you to take it slow. When you are all 
the way in... then you can start... flailing away!" The last quip 
was delivered with a teasing smile.

I tried to give her a hurt look with puppy dog eyes, but she was 
really funny, and I couldn't hold myself and burst into laughter.

"You know, you're really wild," I said, when I caught my breath.

"I know. You make me wild and hot as a firecracker. Come on, 
stud. Time's a wastin'," she replied.

At her 'hot as a firecracker' comment, I remembered how hot she 
was inside her channel, and then it dawned on me... what she had 
planned for us. With the ice blowjob, my entire dick was cold. It 
was getting warmer, but she made sure she had lowered the 
temperature quite a bit.

_Holly shi-- She'll kill us both. The heat of her slick channel 
on my dick, and the coldness of my dick inside her pussy will 
shock us senseless._

My eyes must have widened with my realization, because she gave a 
knowing smile and said, "It's going to be a trip, and I can 
hardly wait."

"Gods, Dana! You want to kill us both?"

She nodded playfully. "You didn't think I would let you fuck me 
to death without killing you as well, did you?"

I quickly positioned myself over her, my arms supporting my 
weight on the sides of her torso, with her knees tucked under my 
arms, and said, "I hope we won't end up in the front page of a 
tabloid. 'Couple found dead while fucking each other to 
oblivion'. I can see the caption and a juicy picture with 
relevant parts censored," I quipped.

She laughed at the mental image I was painting for us. Reaching 
down she guided me to her entrance, while saying, "Then we better 
hurry. We wouldn't want to disappoint the readers, would we?"

As I had suspected, before the head made contact between her 
labia, I could feel her heat. She felt like a furnace. At the 
first contact we both hissed. Then my glans parted her lips, and 
entered, and it felt like I was dipping into molten lava. Dana 
tilted her hips, to give me an angle that provided the deepest 
penetration... and the most sensation. She was very wet, as was 
my cock from the blowjob, so I pressed in slowly, savoring the 
sensation and making both of us moan. When I was all the way in, 
I ground my pubic bone against her, making her sigh in pleasure 
and close her eyes. Before the temperature between my cock and 
her channel could adjust, I pulled back slowly, till I was at her 
entrance, and waited for a few seconds. Wet with her juices, and 
out of her hot channel, I let my cock cool off, before plunging 
back slowly. I wanted both of us to enjoy this new experiment as 
long as we could.

I repeated the full strokes, staying out of her for a few seconds 
before entering her slowly. As she said, it was a real trip. She 
was shaking and trembling, her head rolling from side to side, 
her breath coming in short gasps and pants. After several 
strokes, I buried myself, and held inside her while waiting for 
her to catch her breath. When she opened her eyes, they were 
heavy with arousal, smoldering, and she gave a long sigh. When 
she was breathing normally, I quipped, "The experiment was a 
success, and we didn't lose any guinea pigs."

She laughed at that, then retorted, "You think so," and I could 
hear the unspoken, 'but you are sadly mistaken'.

She must have caught what I was thinking in my expression, 
because she gave a knowing, playful smile, and licked her lips. I 
knew what she wanted, so I leaned in for a kiss. Releasing her 
hold on her legs, she brought her hands and clutched my head. 
While she was sucking the life out of me with a passionate kiss, 
she started to roll her hips and clutch me with her pussy, making 
me scream into her mouth. Then putting her hands on my shoulders, 
she broke the kiss.

When I managed to catch my breath, she said, "Now, buster. Start 
pounding that pole. Make me scream. I want it hard, and fast. No 
gentle stuff, OK?"

And that's what I wanted to do. I could hear the blood boil in my 
veins, and my pulse throbbing in my temples. Not only that, but 
my cock was rock hard and wanted to plow her insides. When I 
started to pull back, she stopped her clutching, so I could 
stroke fast. I started with slow short strokes, then built up to 
longer, harder strokes. Each time I plowed in, she gave little 
yelps, and she started a string of obscenities, urging me on. 
When I increased my pace, she started to pant and gasp. Her 
litany was replaced by mewls, and short screams. Her channel was 
looser from all my pounding, and I hoped she wouldn't be sore. My 
balls were wet with her juices, and we could hear the liquid 
sounds of our joining. Her heady smell was all around us, 
increasing my arousal.

When I switched to short and hard strokes, she caught her breath, 
and she started a wail that turned into a scream. Her neck and 
face was flushed, and with a sharp shriek, she started to shake 
and tremble. Her pussy gripped me hard, halting my movement, but 
I forced myself all the way in. When my pubic bone hit with the 
momentum of my stroke, she gave another scream. Then her pussy 
went wild, and her channel got even wetter. I started strong and 
long strokes to keep her going, but with the flutters, and her 
tightness, my pace was erratic, even though she was very wet and 
slippery. Slowly, the flutters ceased, and I managed to keep a 
steady stroke, reducing my pace, trying to enjoy the friction 
created by her hot channel.

She was coming down, but her breathing was still erratic. I 
switched to short, hard strokes, trying to make myself come, and 
she started to wail again, her head shaking side to side, her 
hair whipping around. I kept up my stroking and in a few minutes 
I was ready to blow my load. I knew she was close so I slowed to 
long strokes trying to hold myself. When she felt me slowing she 
started to throw her hips, but because of the position she was, 
she didn't have any leverage. Sensing she wanted it hard and 
fast, I increased the pace of my strokes again, hoping she would 
make it before I came. I felt the head of my cock expand, and I 
knew there wasn't anything I could do to stop the oncoming flood. 
I pulled back till I was at her entrance, and plunged down hard 
into her depths, and she screamed.

I was pulling for a second hard stroke, when I felt her grip me. 
With difficulty, I pulled all the way back, then forced myself in 
as far as I could, drawing another scream. I felt her relax her 
grip and quickly pulled back again, and I felt the heat move from 
my balls and travel the length of my cock. Quickly, I plunged 
back into her depths, drawing another scream, and stayed there. I 
felt the first burst and it made me shudder with the sensation or 
pent up release, then her flutters started, milking me. It was 
very intense, and my arms started to shake and I could feel a 
dull pain where her fingers dug into my shoulder. I rested part 
of my weight on her knees, almost collapsing from the sensation. 
My pulses were over, but her erratic fluttering kept me hard, and 
made me tremble. There wasn't anything left inside me to pump, 
but my cock was still throbbing, helped along by her amazing 
pussy.

A few minutes later, my breathing was returning to normal. I rose 
up on my hands, taking my weight from her knees, which were 
pressed hard against her tits, bending her in half. Dana's eyes 
were squeezed shut, her nostrils flaring. Her panting was 
interspersed with soft moans. Her body was still trembling, and 
her fingers were claws on my shoulders, clutching me hard. 
Transferring most of my weight to one arm, I reached to stroke 
her face, and slowly her breathing got steadier. After a minute, 
her eyes opened slowly, but her eyes were unseeing at first. When 
she managed to focus on my face, she gave a tired smile. She 
tried to wet her lips with her tongue, but gave up. Wetting my 
tongue, I leaned and tried to wet her lips with my tongue, then 
locking my lips, I dueled with her tongue, while breathing into 
her mouth.

When I broke the kiss and took a look, her eyes were closed. She 
took several breaths and then opened her eyes. She looked 
incredibly beautiful. Enormous blue pools, softened by the 
lethargy, held me captive in their depths, and I felt my semi-
hard cock throb. Feeling me throb inside her she gave an 
appreciative moan, and her eyes closed. She tried to clutch me, 
but couldn't pull it off. She must have been really exhausted. I 
throbbed again, drawing a moan, and her eyes opened in alarm. She 
tried to glare at me, but when I throbbed, her eyes closed, with 
her body shivering at the sensation. Taking pity, I quit teasing 
her, and gave a soft kiss.

Lifting my body, I tried to free her knees and legs from under my 
arms, so that she could let them down and stretch. At first, she 
didn't realize what I was doing, but when I used my hand to 
gently push her knee, she got the hint and let her legs spread 
comfortably.

Finally, she was somewhat back to her senses, and opening her 
eyes, she gave me a look of unadulterated joy, turning my insides 
to mush. She released her death grip on my shoulders and tried to 
hook them behind my neck, but they flailed lifelessly and slid 
down my arms, catching us both with surprise. Seeing her so 
exhausted, I smiled at her with a self-satisfied expression. She 
tried to grimace, which made me grin, and she gave up, closing 
her eyes. I knew she was trying to marshal her energy to come 
back at me. She was a fighter. Before she could start anything, I 
tried to throb and ground my pubic bone. Her eyes opened in 
panic, and she moaned softly. Seeing the helpless look, I nodded 
in understanding and quit my efforts.

Once she was feeling more alive, I leaned, and she gave me a long 
soul kiss. Before it ended, she gripped me with her pussy, making 
me moan into her mouth. I didn't return the favor by throbbing 
inside her. Breaking the seal between our lips, we both sucked 
air and continued to kiss. My position was a bit awkward, 
hunching and leaning down, so I lowered my body, sliding my hands 
behind her shoulders, taking my weight on my elbows. When my 
chest made contact with her tits, she sighed, so I put some of my 
weight on her, enjoying the feel.

When we broke the kiss, I was surprised to see her leak around 
her eyes. I suspected they were happy tears, but still I was 
concerned. When she opened her eyes, they were moist, brimming 
with more tears. I gave her a questioning look, but she replied 
with a smile. It assuaged part of my worries, but I wasn't 
convinced. This was strange. There was something else mixed with 
happiness. Trying to figure out what was hidden in the depths of 
her eyes, I went over what we had shared, but I couldn't come up 
with any answers. On the other hand, I had discovered that my 
feelings for her ran deep, very deep indeed. I was captivated by 
this wonderful woman, wanting to be with her more than once, and 
my want wasn't just sexual. I wanted to spend more time with her, 
and get to know her better.

We both wanted to have a happy memory, and the sex had been fun 
and loving. However, even though it was supposed to be light-
hearted fun, it had become something more than either of us had 
planned. There was something deeper, a connection, hidden beneath 
all the fun and games we played. In some ways, sex is the most 
basic communication between two people. How she responded to me, 
how I responded to her... and then... those kisses... her gentle, 
caring nature... generosity... the empathy we had... the little 
things...

Now, I was discovering a deep connection that I had rarely felt. 
She was the second woman that made me feel this way. Home! I knew 
I had given a part of my heart to her, and now, I realized I 
wanted to give her more than that. I wasn't sure if I was falling 
in love with her, but I knew I loved her. I had known it when I 
had first woken up during the night.

_How is it possible that I can fall in love with two women?_

I leaned for another kiss. Instead of one of her soul kisses, 
this was more restrained, as if she was holding herself back. 
When we broke the kiss, I looked up. Her tears had subsided, but 
her eyes were still moist--with a soft expression in them--and 
she was watching me carefully.

"What is it, Dana? Are you sorry?"

She shook her head.

"Can you tell me?" I asked.

When I saw she was trying to work out an answer, I insisted, more 
gently. "Dana, after what we shared... I'm inside you... feeling 
your heartbeat, and heat... What is so terrible... that you can't 
talk to me about?"

Cupping my face in her hands, she said, "I don't want you to fall 
in love with me. I don't want to fall in love with you."

_Ahhh. So it's mutual. She felt the connection._

"You know how I feel about you. I can't change that. I told you I 
don't want to change that... even if I could," I replied.

Fixing her with a gentle look, I continued. "I ignored or tried 
to ignore my heart for a long time. Look what it got me. I'm not 
going to make the same mistake again. Love is too precious a 
thing to discard carelessly. We both know that score."

"But..." she tried.

"I know it complicates things... for both of us. We'll take our 
time... we will figure out something."

"It's not fair to her," she came back.

"It's not fair to you... or me for that matter. She's not here. 
I'm here. You are here. I know that you don't want to come 
between us. And I don't want to come between you and your 
boyfriend. But, we shared and found something in each other. We 
can't set it aside as if it had never happened... Let's cherish 
it?"

I could hear the wheels turning inside her mind. She was caught 
in what we had shared... Something far beyond what we had 
planned... but was it really like that? Why had our paths 
crossed? How had we moved along paths that brought us here, and 
now? She was trying to fight it, because it was going to 
complicate both of our lives tremendously. But then, wasn't 
anything worthwhile always complicated? If it were easy, would it 
be worth anything?

Strangely enough I didn't feel any guilt. Not even about 
affecting Dana's life and her ongoing relationship. Perhaps, 
because I was seeing myself when I looked at Dana and what she 
was trying to do.

"Dana," I called out softly. When I had her attention, I said, 
"It's too early to know or understand the nature of our feelings 
or what we want. I understand your apprehension. Neither of us 
planned for this to happen. I don't want to force you... I don't 
want to lose you... whatever happens. I just know... I love you. 
I want to get to know more about you. Is that wrong?"

At that, she closed her eyes, letting the teardrops trickle from 
the corners of her eyes. I squeezed her tightly, then freeing my 
arm from under her, I brushed away her tears. I finished by 
kissing her eyelids, waiting for her to calm down. When she 
opened her eyes, they were clear. There was still doubt, but also 
a determination.

"I love you. I know that, now... But, I'm... I'm scared of 
falling in love with you," she said.

She brushed my cheeks with her fingers, and fixed me with a soft, 
loving look. "I tried... I tried really hard... but I love you," 
she said.

Suddenly, something else clicked in my mind.

"Was that why you wanted to have... a hard and fast fuck? To keep 
it light, casual?" I asked.

Instead of answering, she closed her eyes for a brief moment.

"Did it work?" I asked.

"No," she replied with a resigned whisper. "I realized I wanted 
to be yours. I wanted to give myself to you. Taken completely."

"And I'm yours," I replied.

She pulled me for a gentle, loving kiss, without any 
reservations.

When we surfaced to catch our breath, she asked, "What were you 
doing, up in the middle of the night?" changing the subject.

"I-I was... memorizing you."

Drawing a blank look, I elaborated. "I didn't know if I would 
ever see you again. I wanted to make sure I would have a special 
memory that would not fade over time, if other memories faded. I 
wanted a part of you, and seeing you sleeping like an angel... 
are you angry?"

She smiled at that. "No. Besides, now, you have more than you 
bargained for, don't you?"

"You knew that... your gift..."

She nodded. She knew what she was doing at the time.

Just then, my stomach grumbled, embarrassing the hell out of me. 
"That wasn't very romantic. Sorry."

She laughed and said, "You can't subsist on love, or sex, alone. 
I'm hungry too."

Giving me a long look, she continued, "I... I want what you want. 
I want to make love, slowly. But we'd better get some food before 
that. Otherwise... my sexual demands will kill you." Then, she 
started killing me softly with a gentle kiss.

"Shower?" I asked. When she nodded, I raised myself and pulled 
out of her slowly to sit on my heels. Seeing her eyes shut, I 
took a quick look at her vagina, which was red, and looking a bit 
rough.

"Are you OK?"

Opening her eyes, she gave me an assuring smile. "A bit sore, but 
good sore. It's been a long time, and I had forgotten how good it 
can be." Fixing me with a lecherous look, she said, "And I want 
some more... sore or not."

I got off the bed, and helped her to her feet. Her legs were a 
bit wobbly, and I had to support her.

"I don't want to fall in the shower. I think you better help me," 
she said.

The next twenty minutes were slippery fun in the shower. She had 
been fun in the bed, but she was just as much fun in the shower, 
funny, teasing, and loving. I was almost tempted to take her then 
and there, but I didn't want to spoil her plans for after 
breakfast. I couldn't keep my hands off of her, and she loved the 
attention. After we toweled each other, we returned to her room. 
I sat with a towel wrapped around my hips--tented with my hard-
on--while she was getting dressed. She was amused to have me 
sitting there watching her, but she knew I was enjoying myself--
and her. When she finished dressing, we shared a quick kiss and I 
made my way to my room to get dressed, letting her get on with 
her preening. When I was putting my moccasins on, she walked into 
my room.

_God! She is breathtaking._

I gave her an appreciating look, drawing a self-satisfied smile.

"You look beautiful. Ready for breakfast?" I asked.

"Thank you. You don't look bad yourself, sailor" she replied. "Do 
you want to go to the hotel restaurant for the breakfast, or eat 
here?"

Seeing my confused look, she said, "There might be colleagues in 
the restaurant, and... well, I... I don't want to complicate 
things for you..."

"Complicate things for me?"

"I don't want to come between the two of you, and although nobody 
knows who you are, she might hear something."

"Dana. I don't mind being seen with you. Nobody knows me, so the 
risk is small. It's a bridge far away and I'll cross it when the 
time comes, if ever. I'm more concerned about you. You have a 
boyfriend, and I don't want to endanger your current relation. 
Not more than... you know what I mean," I said with an 
embarrassed smile. "Since he works in the office, he might hear 
something from your colleagues. Do not, on my account, risk your 
current relationship. I'd rather have you make the choice. And, 
don't ever think you'll be hurting my feelings. I think we both 
know that neither of us will take any offense, or think less of 
each other!"

Gathering her in my arms, I hugged her, trying to assure her I 
had no problems either way.

"I'd like to have breakfast in the restaurant."

When I gave her an 'are you sure' look, she pulled me for a kiss. 
Extracting herself from my embrace, she hooked her arm in mine, 
and said, "Let's go. I'm starving."



* * * * *



The restaurant was almost empty, with just a few patrons, mostly 
airline personnel. We helped ourselves from the buffet, and made 
our way to a table with a view of the city. When we passed the 
table where the airline personnel were having their breakfast, 
Dana and I stopped for a brief but civil greeting. To my credit, 
I didn't tighten up, worrying about Dana and possible rumors 
during the exchange.

We were almost finished with our breakfast and having our coffee, 
when Dana asked, "What do you want to do?"

That was a loaded question. Lighting a cigarette, I thought about 
my answer. I wanted to get to know her, and I wanted to know what 
she wanted. I wanted to see her and I wanted to make love to her.

She smiled and said, "I meant, as in now."

"Would you like to take a walk outside?"

"Let's get our jackets."



* * * * *



After collecting our coats from the rooms, we went out. There was 
a small park nearby, so we headed there and found a bench. The 
early morning sun was weak, and didn't warm us, but it wasn't 
uncomfortably cold. I pulled her close, with my arm encircling 
her, and she rested her head on my shoulder.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Confused. Guilty. What about you?"

"Guilty? Because of your boyfriend?"

"No. We aren't that serious yet. As I told you, it's a recent 
thing. We haven't invested too much time. Still trying to get to 
know each other."

"That leaves me and her. Don't feel guilty about that. If 
somebody has to feel guilty, it should be me."

"And you don't?" she asked.

"Not about her. I feel guilty because it's not fair to you. I'm 
coming between you and your boyfriend. What's more, I don't know 
how I feel, or what I want to do about her. That puts everything 
in limbo. Especially you, in regards to 'us'. Do you mind if I 
use us?"

"I don't mind _us_," she replied. "But, I thought you were in 
love with her."

"That's the complicated part. I was--and still am--in love with 
her... to a certain degree. But the truth is, I'm not sure if I'm 
still in love with that girl from the past, or if I can make the 
leap to the new person she has become, which may have little to 
do with that girl. Besides all that, I don't want to hurt her. I 
just want her to be happy... it doesn't necessarily have to be 
me."

"Mitch, you trust your instincts, don't you?" she asked, drawing 
a sharp look from me.

She knew me well.

With a tight smile, I asked her, "Whose side are you on, 
anyways?"

She didn't have to answer that. I leaned and we shared a soft 
kiss.

"You aren't much help, you know that? You push me to her arms, 
but pull me into yours at the same time," I said with a resigned 
sigh. I looked at her, to see if she took offense at my comment, 
but was relieved to see that she understood what I was talking 
about. She was setting me free, and I loved her more for it.

I pulled out my pack and lit two cigarettes, and gave one to her. 
I contemplated my options, and I didn't like any of them. Not one 
bit. There were too many variables, undefined, with too much 
uncertainty.

"Mitch."

"Mmmmm..."

"You don't have to solve the world's problems in an hour," she 
said, making me laugh.

_God, I love you, Dana. You're the best thing that happened to me 
in years. I can't ask you to stay and wait for me. It's not 
right. Whether I go after her or not, I can't ask you to wait for 
me or love me._

I couldn't continue to see her. The thought saddened me. More 
than I realized. I loved her, and I had to set her free. For a 
moment, my blood ran cold with fury at the unfairness of it all. 
I felt like I was being cheated of a second chance at happiness. 
But, I knew it was self-pity that made me feel like that. As if 
sensing my thoughts, Dana ran her fingers at my neck, trying to 
sooth me.

_How in hell did my life get so complicated?_

"Mitch, don't!" she said softly.

"Huh?"

"I know what you're thinking. Don't rush it. Give it time. You 
have the time."

I didn't understand, what she was talking about... at all.

"I'm not going to rush after her. I need to think it through, and 
I'm not ready for it."

"I know that," she replied.

_If that's not what you were talking about, what are you talking 
about, Dana?_

_Oh, no! You don't! I can't accept that. You've got your life to 
live. I don't want to hurt you as well. Once was more than 
enough. In hindsight, knowing how inevitable that had been at the 
time, still doesn't make it easy. But this one... we both know 
the score. That's walking into it with eyes wide-open. I can't 
bear the thought of wasting your life._

"Not on your life," I said with a hoarse voice, my mouth suddenly 
dry.

She gave a long look, devoid of any expression. Averting her 
eyes, she took a long drag from her cigarette, and exhaled it 
slowly.

"Dana, I can't let you screw up your life."

Coming to a decision, she dropped the cigarette on the ground, 
and ground it out. Without a word, she extracted herself from my 
arm and stood up. Turning to me, she said, "It was nice knowing 
you, Mitchell Tanner."

My blood froze at the coldness in her voice.

Then she turned and walked away. I was stunned by the sudden turn 
of events... and just sat there, unable to respond in any way, 
watching her walk away. It was like watching an accident happen. 
You know, when time slows down, and you see the whole thing 
unravel... you know what's going to happen next, but you stand 
there helpless, and watch it happen from start till end, frozen 
to the spot. By the time I collected my wits, she was already on 
the other side of the street, walking in the direction of the 
hotel at a brisk pace.

The woman I loved and may have fallen in love with was walking 
away, because I had hurt her, in some inexplicable way. I didn't 
understand why she had reacted the way she had. Hadn't she 
understood I didn't want to hurt her? I knew I couldn't let her 
go like that; not this way, angry and hurt. I owed her better. 
Getting off the bench, I started after her, almost running.



* * * * *







CHAPTER - 8: Second Chances



I rushed in through the door, and saw her disappear behind the 
closing elevator doors. I walked to the elevators and waited for 
what felt like ages before the doors opened again. Stepping 
inside, I pressed the floor number. A minute or so later, I heard 
the chimes announce my arrival and the doors slid open.

Standing in front of her door, I was still thinking about what to 
say, but having no idea what made her react the way she did, I 
gave up and knocked. Getting no answer, I decided to go to my 
room, and try the interconnecting door between our rooms. When I 
checked the door, I found it unlocked, so after knocking on it, I 
opened it and stepped inside.

She was standing in front of the window, half turned away from 
me, smoking a cigarette. She looked dangerously calm, and for a 
moment I wondered if I would leave the room alive. Exhaling the 
smoke, she turned to face me, her eyes blazing with cold fury. If 
I hadn't been expecting something like that, I would have stepped 
back. Still, it wasn't easy to face, especially coming from her.

"You have some nerve, showing your face here," she said with an 
ice cold tone.

"I didn't understand... or like what happened there," I replied, 
trying to keep calm.

She put out her cigarette in the ashtray that was on the window 
sill. Turning back, she made her way to me, fixing me to the spot 
with fire in her eyes, "And why the hell not?"

"Dana, I didn't want to hurt you. I don't know what I did to--" I 
started, but before I could say another word, she cut me off.

"You, don't know?... YOU DON'T KNOW!" she shouted, her voice 
rising dangerously. I didn't dare interrupt her, hoping she'd 
calm down on her own, but I would have been lying if I didn't 
think of retreating to my room to let her cool off. She took a 
deep breath, but she was far from calm.

Pointing her finger at me, she said, "You talk about love, but 
you don't know what love is." She waited to see if I'd respond, 
but I wanted to hear where she was going with this. Interrupting 
her at this moment would have been futile.

"You said you loved me. You said you didn't want to hurt me. 
Well, Mitchell, you did hurt me." Fixing her steely eyes on mine, 
she said, "Did you ever stop and ask what _I_ wanted? Did you 
ever ask if I wanted you to... to let me _go_?"

_I didn't. Nope. I just rushed in trying to protect you. Even 
when you hinted at your wishes, did I listen to you? No._

"No, I did not. I didn't even consider your wishes," I replied as 
evenly as I could, but cringing inside at the realization of how 
fucked up that was... how badly I had screwed up.

"You think that's what love _is_, what lovers _do_?" she asked.

It was rhetorical.

"Weren't you the one who said love is too precious to throw 
away?" she insisted, her eyes glittering with hurt and anger.

_I said that, didn't I? Why did I try to throw it all away?_

_Because you were falling in love with her. When you were 
together, it felt like returning home. You wanted the second 
chance for happiness, and felt guilty wanting it._

"You know what hurt the most... Mitchell? Do you know how I felt 
walking back to the hotel? After sitting at the table with you, 
having breakfast, feeling your come drip into my panties... and 
enjoying the feeling?"

At her words, a look of horror passed my eyes. Seeing my 
reaction, she said, "I didn't say that to make you feel guilty, 
but I will _not_ even try to deny how bad I felt."

"I am sorry, Dana. I really am. I have no excuse. I know no 
apology can make it right."

"I know you didn't mean it. I know you love me, and you were 
trying to protect me, but I don't understand why you would do 
what you did... the way you did, Mitchell? Decide on something 
for both of us. If you love somebody, you share everything with 
them. The good and the bad."

"I didn't want to be a burden or another bastard in your life, 
but I wanted you. I felt guilty wanting you so selfishly. You 
made me happy, and I was bound to make you unhappy."

"You are forgetting something, Mitchell. I'm not fragile. I would 
like to make my own choices, as I did this morning when I made 
love with you," she replied, her voice softer but carrying a 
serious tone.

"I understand."

She gave a long searching look then her eyes softened, the steely 
glitter disappearing. "Love sometimes hurts. There is no avoiding 
that, Mitch. You can't always protect others. You can't shoulder 
all the responsibility."

She looked expectant, and I moved in to gather her in my arms. 
She came willingly, molding her body to mine, her arms circling 
my waist. We held each other for a long time. I tried to ease the 
hurt I had caused and give her some comfort. When she raised her 
head, I leaned in and we shared a gentle, loving kiss. Extracting 
herself from my embrace, she went to the bed. Next to it, on the 
wall was a control panel for selecting a few radio channels, and 
the hotel's private music broadcast. Turning it on, she went 
about searching for a channel with some soft music. After going 
through a few of them, she chose one of the hotel's music 
broadcasts. She kicked off her shoes, and asked me to sit on the 
armchair. Then, she sat on my lap sideways, tucking her knees, 
next to the side of my thighs, and put her head against my 
shoulder, leaning on my chest. When I kissed her forehead, and 
started to stroke her from her calves up to her knees she sighed, 
and relaxed. Her skirt had ridden up due to her position, 
displaying her thighs, and I took advantage of that to continue 
caressing her legs up her thighs, and then cupped her shapely 
butt.

After a while, she asked, "Do you want to see me, Mitch?"

"Yes, I want to. Thank you for giving me another chance. I hope I 
won't mess it up this time."

"I'm not looking for promises, Mitch. I'm looking for some 
happiness and love. I seem to have found it with you, and you 
seem to have found it with me. We'll see where we go from there."

I thought I had found more than that with her, and didn't reply. 
Sensing her eyes on me, I looked at her. She didn't say anything 
for a while, nor did she wait for a reply, but her eyes were 
scrutinizing me carefully. Then her expression changed, as if she 
had found something, and she said, "I thought it was too early 
for you to say that you love me, or even hint at falling in love 
with me, but I think I understand."

"What do you understand, Dana?"

"When we were talking about your past, you mentioned something 
like 'being at home.' Now, I understand what you meant. Is that 
what you were feeling when we made love?"

I nodded. "Now, as well. Why do you ask?"

"I wasn't sure. I suspected as much, but I thought it might be 
because we'd finished making love. I guess I feel like that too. 
This little fight helped me see it." With a tender look, she 
added, "I'm not making this easy for us, am I?"

"It's all right, Dana. We are both hungry for love. I think 
that's part of what we feel, but I suspect there's more than 
that. We'll discover it in time."

We sat there enjoying the moment, the soft music in the 
background filling in the quiet solitude. Elton John finished 
singing _Sacrifice_, then came the opening notes of a song I knew 
very well, followed immediately by the voice of Freddie Mercury.



Just one year of love

Is better than a lifetime alone

One sentimental moment in your arms

Is like a shooting star right through my heart



_Was it 'us' you were talking about, Freddie?_

I couldn't help but chuckle at the thought. This song just gained 
a new meaning, and I hoped it wouldn't prove to be prophetic. I 
felt Dana easing herself a bit in my embrace, listening to the 
song. Then she looked up. I could see she was concentrating on 
catching the lyrics, but her look was one of curiosity. I kissed 
her, then pulled her head to my shoulder, and caressing her back, 
I whispered, "Close your eyes and listen."

Freddie kept singing; about rainy days and being a prisoner 
inside your lover, aching hearts calling out to loved one's 
heart.



My hand reaches out for your hand

I'm cold but you light the fire in me

My lips search for your lips

I'm hungry for your touch



Dana was listening, absorbing the words. When Freddie talked 
about unspoken words and surrender, I heard a soft sigh from her. 
Her response told me she was feeling the same emotions that the 
lyrics evoked in me. I felt her look up, and I leaned in to kiss 
her lips softly, as her hand moved to my neck, caressing. As our 
kiss ended, Freddie came back.



And no one ever told me that love would hurt so much

Oooh yes it hurts

And pain is so close to pleasure

And all I can do is surrender to your love

Just surrender to your love



When the song finished, she said, "I've heard this one before... 
I think in a movie or something. Who's he?"

"Freddie Mercury. The group is Queen. Did you like it?"

She nodded.

"You're a strange woman, Dana. Most people would say it's a 
depressing song."

"I don't think so. You might say it's a sad song, but I think 
he's got the right idea. Don't you think?" With that, she looked 
at me, her blue eyes inquiring.

"You're thinking about us?" I asked.

"Not in those terms... but I guess it sums up us... in many 
ways." Giving me a smile, "You like the song, but it reminds you 
too much of past... and present?"

"Kind of..."

"I'm not going anywhere, Mitch. I think we're becoming good 
friends... and will continue to be. All things aside, that's more 
important."

I hugged her tightly to my body, my hand cupping and squeezing 
her bottom before running along her side to her back.

"Come. Let's make our moment," she said softly before sitting up.

Getting off my lap, she pulled me to my feet. While she moved 
towards the bed, she started to undo my shirt buttons. When she 
had the buttons open, she peeled my shirt off. In the meantime, I 
was trying to unclasp her skirt at the back, and pull the zipper 
down. By then, she was standing next to the bed. I pulled the 
skirt down and let it pool around her feet, and she stepped out. 
When I fumbled with her shirt, she took over, and I got out of my 
jeans. We stood facing each other, she clad only in her panties 
and I with my boxers. I pulled her to my chest, enjoying the feel 
of her breasts, and her hard nipples before running my hand under 
the elastic of her panties, cupping her cheeks.

Stepping back, I started to kiss and lick her from her neck down 
to her shoulders and spent a few minutes getting her nipples 
aching hard. I continued, leaving a wet trail down to her belly, 
and slowly slid her panties down, inhaling her aroma. I could see 
she was moist there, and remains of dried semen were around her 
lips. When I moved in to lick, Dana tried to stop me, "I'm not 
exactly clean."

I didn't mind; I enjoyed eating her and wanted to taste her 
again. When I gave the first tentative licks, she shuddered. 
Cupping her cheeks, I pulled her to my face, and she spread her 
feet to give me better access. I worked on her labia and inner 
lips, teasing around her clit, and moving up to her belly for 
soft kisses and licks, then going back to her pussy for more. She 
pulled me up for a kiss, then she sat on the bed, moving up along 
its length to position herself on her back, inviting me between 
her legs.

I took off my boxers and knee walked, but she wanted me to 
straddle her chest. She teased me with her tongue and lips, 
working on my cock before licking my balls and back to my cock, 
giving me long and soft sucks. With a final suck, she let me out 
of her mouth and said, "Make love to me... make love with me."

I moved down between her legs and, holding myself over her body 
with my weight on my arm, I nudged her opening with my cock, 
testing her wetness. Getting myself lubed with her oils, I tried 
to enter her. When the head passed the ring at the entrance to 
her channel, I heard her catch her breath. Looking up, I saw her 
eyes squeezed shut. I realized she was sore from our last 
session, so I stopped my movement. She opened her eyes and put 
her hands on my shoulder telling me to keep going.

"Dana, you must be sore. I don't want to..." I started, and then 
we both intoned "hurt you," starting to laugh at the situation. 
Seeing that she was distracted and laughing, I entered her all 
the way with a smooth, gentle stroke. She gasped and her eyes 
tightened for a moment. I could feel she was trying to relax her 
ring muscle to ease the burning of my passage.

I wasn't planning on stroking. Being inside her like that was 
good enough and since she wanted this, I knew she would enjoy 
feeling me in her like that. I was getting to know what she 
wanted, despite the fact that we've been intimate for a very 
short time. Pulling her knees up, she locked her feet on my lower 
back and slowly started to roll her hips, giving me a better 
angle, urging me to penetrate her as deep as possible. When I was 
all the way inside her, I stopped, and looked at her. Her blue 
eyes were soft, and big, shimmering, reminding me the cold blue 
waters of the sea and my beloved beach. As I gazed in her eyes, I 
was lost in the tranquility I found there... and gentleness, 
love, and passion; but most of all, how she gave it so freely and 
completely, making me ache something fierce, even though I was 
closer to her than ever--deep inside her warm and slick shelter, 
connected to her in the most primitive manner, feeling her 
heartbeat through our connection.

She freed one hand and picked up a pillow, placing it next to her 
side. When I gave her a questioning look, she told me to arrange 
us in a side-ways, almost missionary position. The pillow was to 
give me some height and room for her leg that would be under my 
torso. After she unlocked her legs, we carefully rolled to our 
sides, and to my surprise I found the position very comfortable. 
It did change the angle and, if I wanted, I could stroke, but 
only short strokes. However, I wasn't planning to stroke and 
irritate her already sore channel. The slick and hot feel of it 
along my shaft was more than enough. Moving her upper body a bit 
away from me, she gave me ample space to caress and play with her 
tits, and bending a bit, I could even lick and suckle her 
nipples.

We spent a lot of time, touching and caressing each other, or 
kissing, and she used her inner muscles. It was gentle, and 
dreamy. After a while Dana insisted I start stroking, and I 
wasn't keen on the idea, but reluctantly I agreed. I gave a 
couple of experimental short, gentle strokes and observed her 
carefully. She felt really slick inside her channel, and I didn't 
see a visible reaction, but I was apprehensive.

"It hurts a little, but it's good pain, Mitch. Sort of a slight 
burning. Itching and burning, and it's not really hurting. Trust 
me. If it hurts, I'll tell you to stop."

"I know women have high thresholds for pain, but I don't like the 
idea. It may be OK now, but what about later?"

"Don't worry about it. Please?"

So we kept at it. She would massage me using her inner muscles, 
then let me stroke for a while, and we would kiss and caress each 
other. We slowly built up the fires, and after a while both of us 
were starting to gasp and pant. Our slow movements magnified the 
sensations, and we were moving into the final stretch. I could 
see her breasts heaving, and getting harder, and flushed. The 
color was moving slowly up her chest all the way to her neck. We 
took short breaks and slowed our activities to prolong the 
sensation, but after a few times, we couldn't hold ourselves.

I started deliberate strokes and was gratified to see her close 
her eyes, letting out a sigh. At the end of each stroke, she 
started to let out small whimpers, and then her pussy started to 
squeeze me. I stroked in and stayed inside, letting her muscles 
take me over, while latching onto her nipple... and nibbling. 
Then I was coming, with small bursts. It was slow, and drawn out, 
like our build up. As we were coming down, we shared a drawn out 
soul kiss.

I wanted to stay inside her, but once the endorphins ran their 
course I was afraid she would hurt more when I pulled out of her. 
After a few minutes of enjoying the pleasurable feeling, gave her 
a questioning look; she nodded, and I pulled out slowly. Then I 
lifted myself, so she could get her leg trapped under my torso 
free, and stretch it comfortably. I picked up the sheet and the 
blanket and pulled them to cover us. We fell into a short but 
blissful sleep, with Dana snuggled in my arms.

An hour later I woke, and went about waking Dana, gently 
caressing, and kissing her. "How are you feeling, sleepy head?" I 
asked.

She stretched her body, and I could hear the popping and cracking 
sounds from her joints. "Great."

When I gave her a questioning look, she reached down with her 
hand and did an examination with her fingers. She winced a bit, 
but I guessed it wasn't bad.

"It's a bit sore, but a little bit of cold water, and a day's 
rest should do the trick."

Giving me a brilliant smile, she added, "She hasn't seen so much 
action for quite awhile, and she was hungry. Now, she can rest 
and gather her strength," making me laugh.

"When do you need to go to the airport?"

She reached for her watch on the nightstand, and said, "We have 
two hours before I have to leave the hotel."

I suggested filling up the tub and enjoying a bath. We spent the 
next hour in the bathtub. My hands were busy with her body, but 
mostly I kept playing with her soapy breasts. She told me she 
wanted them well used and sore. When I reminded her she had to 
put on a bra, she retorted, "If they're too sore for a bra, I 
won't put one on. But I'll keep my jacket on, so nobody would 
notice it."

After the bathroom fun, we dressed and she spent some time 
putting on her makeup and uniform. She didn't put on her bra, and 
her blouse was not thick enough to hide her breasts. But with the 
jacket on, she could get away with it. She gave me her telephone 
number, and times I could reach her at home. When she asked about 
my plans, I explained I didn't have anything definite and gave 
her a general outline of what I had planned. She mentioned that 
she had some time off, and we made plans to talk on the phone in 
the coming days, and make arrangements to get together. She would 
check her flight schedule, and arrange to take her accrued days 
off. While she packed her overnight bag, I quickly packed my 
suitcase, and we went down to the hotel bar to get a cup of 
coffee before she departed with the shuttle service to the 
airport.

At the bar, we found a quiet corner and enjoyed each other's 
company. We talked about general things, and discussed 
possibilities for the coming days. I got the feeling she very 
much wanted to take a few days off with me, and to say the truth, 
I wanted the same. I was already starting to miss her when we 
said goodbye. When the shuttle service arrived, we bid goodbye. 
It wasn't teary eyed, and I think it had much to do with the fact 
that we would see each other shortly.

When she was kissing me goodbye, I whispered, "Don't walk funny," 
and got an elbow for my trouble.

Then with a laugh, she said, "You're terrible, you know that. 
It's good that it's out of action, otherwise, I could throw you 
on the table and have my way with you."

"And I'm terrible?" I retorted with a snort.

Gathering her in my arms for one final hug, I told her I would 
call her tonight, then we walked to the shuttle bus, and I waited 
until the bus left. Collecting my suitcase, I made a phone call 
to my sis, but she wasn't home. I decided not to call my parents 
but surprise them. Paying the bill, I left the hotel in a taxi.

While on the way to my parent's house, my mind was busy trying to 
come up with a rough plan for my vacation. I was looking forward 
to seeing Dana, but at the back of my mind, my old _nemesis_ was 
still present. I knew I had to deal with that, but I didn't want 
to spoil the next few days brooding over it. I needed to figure 
out my feelings about her. Depending on the outcome, the next 
step would be gathering information about her, her life, figure 
out what brought the changes in her, and perhaps arrange to meet 
her. I wasn't sure if I would be able to face her again, after 
the past few years, the experience in the airport still fresh on 
my mind. I didn't want to think about the pain and desolation I 
had felt yesterday. But, I knew I had to find some closure, 
somehow, and only then, I would be able to do something about my 
new relation with Dana, instead of leaving us in a limbo... But 
those things could wait... another time.



* * * * *







CHAPTER - 9: Home



The cab pulled next to the curb, and I stepped out, waiting for 
the driver to open the trunk. Picking up my suitcase, I paid him, 
and walked to the apartment complex. My parents had been living 
in one of the flats for the last ten years. It had been my home 
for many good years before I finally moved out, and it was still 
home--of some sort. I had my room here, since I didn't have a 
place of my own. I had planned to rent a small flat or buy into 
one of the new condos being built, but my parents pointed out 
that it would be a waste of money. Well, they had a point. At the 
rig-site, I had a cabin. When I had to spend a few days in the 
office, the company had accommodations available for the staff at 
the compound. On my off-duty time, I was traveling and staying at 
hotels or pensions in coastal towns. If I had rented or bought a 
place it wouldn't have been used much, unless I rented it out. 
Besides defeating the purpose in the first place, that would have 
brought another set of problems--dealing with tenants, taxes, 
contracts, etc.

Of course, there was another--unspoken--reason. My parents wanted 
me to be financially independent. They had hopes I would 
eventually quit that job and place, and move somewhere safer and 
more civilized. If I had committed myself to paying for one of 
the condos, I couldn't easily leave my current job. I could 
afford the mortgage with my current salary. However, if I had to 
get a job in my hometown or in another big city--even a good 
paying job--the salary wouldn't be anywhere near half of what I 
was currently making. What's more, I didn't want the company to 
shackle me with a golden chain. I had gone to great lengths to 
ensure the privacy of my financial affairs. Every month, I pulled 
most of my salary from the bank the company used, and transferred 
it to an account with a small, independent bank, where a friend 
of my sister worked. When I had to finance the purchase of my 
car, he helped out, ensuring that there wouldn't be any contact 
with the Company; they only asked for official copies of my 
salary slip and contract. When my sister heard what I did, she 
figured out my reasoning and accused me of being paranoid, but 
she had no idea how things worked in some companies; I had seen 
quite a few examples of arm-twisting and manipulation. I wasn't 
going to give anybody that kind of leverage over me. Maybe she 
was right, but I haven't forgotten what Musashi wrote 400 years 
ago, about how to exploit your opponent's weaknesses in a combat 
situation. I had taken those lessons to heart and knew they did 
apply to many modern situations.

Climbing the stairs with my suitcase in hand, I tried to compose 
myself. I felt somewhat light hearted and happy, for the first 
time, but I didn't want anybody to notice that, and ask 
unnecessary, uncomfortable questions. I wasn't ready to answer 
any more awkward questions than I had to. I knew they would be 
curious why I had to spend the very night I was back in town, 
away from home. They didn't need to know, and I could get away 
with a white lie. I didn't like resorting to a lie, so I usually 
ignored the questions I didn't want to answer. They rarely got 
insistent, but they still did sometimes, as if I was a 15 year 
old teen (forgetting the long standing understanding that if I 
was avoiding a question, then they would do well to steer clear 
off the subject, unless they were ready to accept a half truth or 
an unpleasant truth). There had been exceptions to the rule, of 
course, when we laid our cards on the table, but they had been 
few and far between.

Before I knocked, the door opened, and my sister stood at the 
entrance, with a smile on her face.

"It's Mitch," she shouted over her shoulder, informing my 
parents, before stepping aside to let me in.

I set my suitcase to the side, closed the door behind me, then 
hugged her.

"Hey, Sis. What are you doing here?"

"What do you think? I was waiting for you," she replied.

When we parted, she gave me a quizzical look, and dropped a 
bombshell. "Did you change your aftershave?"

_Shiiit! Did I have Dana's perfume on me? Oooh, maaan! That's all 
I need now._

"Nope. It must be the new shampoo," I replied with a straight 
face.

She wasn't convinced, but before she could interrogate me, I 
steered us towards the living room. Mom was a bit misty eyed, 
especially when she noticed the white and gray stripe on my 
temples, but she didn't make any comments. She was happy to have 
me back, away from that 'God-forsaken place.' Dad was his usual 
quiet self, exchanging a quick greeting. They looked healthy, 
although Mom seemed to have more worry lines around the corner of 
her eyes. I didn't want to think about that, but when I saw my 
parents I always felt guilty about working in that part of the 
country against their wishes.

"We were expecting you last night, Mitchell," Mom said.

"Sorry. It was a last minute thing. I couldn't get away."

I noticed Sis was listening in with interest and I was afraid of 
what she might say. She usually kept her quips private; I guess 
it was something we both learned as young siblings, _them_ and 
_us_--the parents and the children. But on rare occasions, she 
would say something just to see me sweat. She was careful though, 
knowing a payback could be coming.

"Yeah. Mom said that you ran into an old friend... at the 
airport," my sister got into the conversation. Although she 
didn't ask, the question was there, and she expected an answer.

I shot a warning look at her, but she was enjoying herself. Her 
female radar had recorded an unidentified object, and she was 
curious to find out what it was she had stumbled upon.

When I didn't answer, she came back. "So, whom did you see?"

"Katherine Tanner!" Mom warned her.

_Thanks, Mom!_

"It's all right, Ma. She's being Kathy--as usual. If she didn't, 
I would be asking 'who's this stranger'," I retorted with a 
smile, trying to get my sister off the hook with Mom, while 
paying her back.

Kathy was properly admonished, but she wasn't going to give it up 
so easily. "Well, Bro, you better treat this strange girl nicely, 
or you may be sleeping on the street tonight."

"Katherine! You behave yourself this instant," Mom said, then 
turning on me, she warned me, too, "And you too. I will not have 
you two bickering like children." Then, with a more gentle tone, 
she added, "Mitch, we're having your room and your father's den 
painted, so most of your stuff has been moved to your sister's 
place. It was her suggestion." She gave Kathy a pointed look. 
"But, if she's changed her mind, we can make other arrangements."

At that, my sister shook her head. "No. I miss him. I want him to 
stay at my place. I was just teasing."

"Teasing him? You call being impolite and nosy... teasing?" Mom 
asked her, the amused expression taking the sting out of her 
words.

"Sorry, Mitch. I didn't mean anything," my sister said with a 
soft voice.

Taking a step, I gathered her in my arms. "I know, Kathy. I 
missed you, too."

She relaxed in my embrace, then whispered, "I like your new 
shampoo."

She was incorrigible, but that was Kathy. It was going to be an 
interesting couple of days with her. I wondered whether I would 
survive the experience. As I was contemplating the coming days, 
my stomach growled, making my sister laugh.

"You didn't eat anything?" she asked.

"I had a big breakfast."

Extracting herself from my embrace, she headed for the kitchen. 
"I'll whip up something for you."

"Mitch, you better go and help her out. Otherwise, you might die 
of food poisoning or something," Mom said loudly, making sure 
Kathy heard her.

"Maaaa!" Kathy exclaimed. "I'm a good cook. And if I weren't, it 
would be your fault. You taught me how," she retorted.

"I know, dear. I was just teasing," Mom replied, giving her a 
devilish smile.

"Teasing? Tarnishing my reputation is teasing?" my sister 
responded, trying to get back at Mom.

Before the two women could get into a protracted give and take, 
Dad interrupted them. "Mitch, son. You better get to the kitchen. 
Don't wait on these two cats."

_You're a brave man, Dad! Do you know what you're getting 
yourself into? If they turn on you, you're dead meat!_

"Your dad is right, Mitch. You better get yourself something in 
the kitchen. And you, young lady, if you want to be over my knee, 
I'll make the time. Just ask," Mom said with a grin.

Heh! That was a threat Kathy and I could both call. She never hit 
us throughout our childhood, but then, we never gave her cause to 
make true on her threats either.

"Well, Sis. What's it gonna be? Kitchen or..."

She shrugged with a wry grin, and headed for the kitchen, with me 
following behind her. I wasn't very hungry, despite the growling 
in my stomach, so we got busy making a salad and an omelet, while 
chatting. When she finished preparing the salad, she set a plate 
on the small kitchen table.

I didn't take too long to clean up my plate, while Sis watched me 
wolf down the food, rushing through lunch--a nasty habit I picked 
up at the college due to the short lunch breaks between classes, 
and later, continued at the rig. When I finished eating, Mom came 
in. Sis collected the dirty dishes, and placed them in the 
dishwasher, and we sat around the table. Mom was in a good mood 
and I guess she was happy to see both of us in the house, but I 
noticed she was perturbed about something. When I looked askance, 
she shook her head as if to say 'nothing,' but I knew she had 
something in her mind.

"Come on, Mom. What's on your mind?"

"You look tired, Mitchell. You're too young to have white in your 
hair. It's not in the family. That place is slowly killing you. 
When are you going to come back home, or move to someplace else?"

_Ma, when are you going to stop asking the same questions? I 
don't have the answers. When I have them, you'll be the first to 
know._

I looked at Kathy to see if she would come to my aid, but either 
she was told not to or she didn't want to get pulled into this 
one, so she averted her eyes.

"Don't look at her, Mitchell. She's as worried as we are. You 
think she doesn't think about you every time she watches the news 
at night?"

"Please. I'm not going to get drawn into a discussion. It's a 
closed issue. Don't believe everything you see on TV or read in 
the newspapers. It's not that bad at all. Do you really believe I 
would stay there if it was as dangerous as you think? Give me 
some credit, will you?" I said, trying hard not to be 
argumentative.

"I don't know what to believe! But I know what I see. That place 
is wearing you down."

"Sometimes it gets too busy, and I don't get enough sleep. I 
haven't had much sleep in the last two days, and last night I had 
a few drinks. That's why I look like the way I do. You've seen 
Kathy in the same condition, when she pulls a 36-40 hour shift in 
the emergency ward. She does that more regularly than I do. So, 
what's the difference? I tell you. There's no difference. None at 
all," I retorted with a tired sigh.

"I get a day off after those long shifts, and I don't spend my 
time out in the open, like you do. Two months ago, they reported 
53 C in the shade and regularly upper 40s for the region. Last 
year, you had -20 C for several days in December. You spend most 
of your time outside, exposed to the elements. Your hours are 
irregular," Kathy said.

_You too, Sis? What is this? I just arrived and I'm already being 
grilled. This discussion was settled almost a year ago. I'm not 
going to rehash it!_

"That's why I get several weeks of off-duty time. To recuperate. 
Like all other people who work on the rig. Most of them spend 
more time out in the open than I do. They have been working in 
different countries, in different climates for years. I didn't 
see anybody dying from hard work," I replied, with a low, 
controlled tone.

This was trying my patience, especially because it had been a 
long time since we had a similar discussion. When I took a moment 
to reflect on it, I realized there was one notable difference 
between this and previous ones--I wasn't angry or even irritated. 
I was ticked off, a bit, and my patience was slowly running out, 
but I didn't feel any anger or even resentment at being pulled 
into the same subject, taking it in stride.

_What has changed? Was it Dana?_

My mind was busy with that question and I almost missed the 
signal between Kathy and Mom. Mom was going to say something, but 
I saw Sis shake her head 'don't.' Kathy was watching me 
carefully, and I felt like I was under an electron microscope.

_Does she suspect something?_

I learned early on to never underestimate her.

_I hope the next couple of days aren't going to be a trial._

Sometimes, Kathy didn't know when to stop, and I wasn't ready to 
talk. Well, I hadn't talked with Kathy about anything in the last 
few years. I knew I clammed up pretty hard every time she had 
tried to probe, and on a few occasions I had to remind her to 
mind her own business. I knew it wasn't a nice thing to say to my 
sister, but siblings or not, I didn't appreciate any intrusion to 
my personal life and what I considered my private affairs. I had 
been somewhat distant, not only because of what happened in the 
past, but for other reasons as well.

Kathy and my parents thought my decision was based solely on 
getting over my wounds, and, I believe, they didn't realize I 
didn't want them to see me struggle every day. I was still 
struggling, but it had gotten better--except yesterday! I also 
needed the space; my personal, private space, without intrusions. 
I wouldn't have that while trying to work a regular job, with 
regular hours, and regular people who had certain expectations 
(especially social expectations). I would have drawn unnecessary 
attention, and I knew I didn't need. It was bound to get me a bad 
reputation, if not into trouble with people.

I didn't want the people who knew me (including my family) to 
witness what I was going through. 'Far from the eyes, far from 
the heart.' That might not always apply to family--my family--but 
it did to a certain degree. I had moved into a protective shell, 
and letting them witness my daily struggles would just add to the 
feelings of guilt. It would have been impossible to maintain an 
appearance of normalcy in an office. And, since I didn't fit into 
a regular world, I had my doubts about holding a regular job for 
more than a few months. That would have been another blow, 
another worry for them. They were used to seeing me succeed, and 
seeing me switch or lose jobs, or being a misfit, would have torn 
them worse than their current worries.

_It's not that they wouldn't understand my reasons. I'm pretty 
sure they would have. I know they would still love me if I had 
failed, but it would have destroyed me for sure. I know what I 
am. I'm too proud and stubborn. I wouldn't, couldn't settle for 
failure. If I had stayed and found a job here, I was destined to 
fail. I'm sure of it. I didn't fit in then, and I still don't. 
That day may come. Perhaps, sooner than I expect, but it's too 
early to talk about it and get their hopes up._

Changing the subject, Mom asked about my plans for my vacation, 
but before I could get a word in, Kathy cut in. "You're taking me 
out to dinner tonight, Bro. Some place nice."

"Sure. Wherever you want," I replied, my attention still on Mom.

"Close your mouth, dear," Mom said to Kathy, who was staring at 
me with a gaping mouth.

She sputtered, then asked, "You... You're not going to argue?"

"Kathy, I always enjoyed taking you out. I only argued when our 
schedules didn't match, or you had those annoying friends of 
yours tagging along. You know I don't care for some of them, and 
yet, you insist."

"Why? All of the girls are nice, and the guys behave themselves," 
she replied, with a defensive tone.

_Shit. I don't want to get into this in front of Mom. Why don't 
you zip it up?_

"Some of those girls are too _nice_," I replied, pointedly.

Sensing trouble brewing, Mom interrupted us. "Mitchell, that's 
not a nice thing to say about anybody, let alone those girls."

"They are shopping for a boyfriend, and worse, yet, some of them 
are shopping for a husband. I'm not shopping for a girlfriend or 
a wife. I have no interest in them, and they don't take a hint. 
And, that's all I'm going to _say_, on this subject," I replied 
with deliberation, my tone making it clear I would not tolerate 
further discussion.

"Moving on to your question," I said, swiftly changing the 
subject. "I don't have any specific plans. I need to get the car 
to the garage for a check-up. Then I'll head for the coast. There 
are some towns I want to visit. I really liked one place last 
time, so I might spend most of my time there, exploring."

Kathy broke in with another question. "Sarah is having a party on 
Saturday. You'll come, won't you?"

_You're insistent, Sis. Never give up trying. I'll give you that, 
but neither do I. You should know that._

Sarah was her best friend, and a girl I had known since we were 
kids. She was a very nice girl, not one of the sharks who made my 
hair stand on end when I had to socialize. It'd been several 
years since I had seen her, and what I remembered was a girl with 
whitish blonde hair, gray eyes, and a slightly chubby body. But, 
she had the voice of an angel and played the guitar like a 
virtuoso. In junior high, she and my sister had started taking 
guitar lessons, and Sarah turned out to be exceptionally gifted. 
Not only was she good at playing the guitar, but she had a voice.

_Man, did she sing! Angels must have been listening to her 
crystal clear voice in the heavens, every time she sang._

Many times, I had found myself taking a break from my studies 
just to listen to their practice sessions next door in my 
sister's room, relaxing to her voice.

_Fond memories, indeed._

"Sarah... How's she doing?"

"She works in Orthopedics at the other hospital, but we get 
together whenever we can. She still plays the guitar and sings. I 
hope you haven't forgotten that."

"No way I could forget that voice. I always thought she would 
quit school and turn professional, being a singer. I remember her 
having problems in med school."

"She did. Repeated a year. She wanted to go professional, but her 
parents and I talked some sense into her."

"She didn't resent it?"

"No. She's happy she continued with her studies. She still has 
time for music, and she could still try singing professionally, 
if she wanted to. But I guess, she didn't want it that badly. 
When did you see her last?" she asked.

"Ummm... I don't know... five, six years ago... Why?"

Instead of answering me, she gave me a smile filled with 
mischief, making me uneasy.

"What exactly are you cooking up, Sis?" I asked, apprehensive 
about what she might be planning to spring on me. She always 
managed to find a way to catch me unprepared. Although her 
surprises had been pleasant enough--more often than I cared to 
admit--there had also been many occasions when they had annoyed 
the hell out of me.

"Ohh... nothing, really," she replied casually. It was too casual 
for my liking, and seeing I was getting antsy, she hastily said, 
"Don't get your knickers in a tw--"

"For your information, I don't wear ladies underwear!" I cut her 
off.

"OK! Don't get your pants in a twist! It's really nothing. She's 
just... changed..." she replied with a teasing smile.

"Changed?" I repeated her words with a smirk. I found it hard not 
to suspect her motives, after her casual remark.

"You'll see when we go," she responded cryptically.

_Hell, no! I'm not going to be suckered into anything. I know you 
Sis. I know how devious your mind can be..._

Giving her a teasing smile, I said, "Well, that could be 
difficult... I'm not sure if I can make the party."

Her face fell at that, because she knew that she couldn't cajole 
me in any way to go to a party, even if it was Sarah's; not after 
what I had said about the other girls, and knowing that there 
bound to be a few of them attending the same party.

"You know, you can be a real spoil sport, Bro. But I'm being 
polite. I won't say that you're being a sourpuss."

Mom caught her breath at that quip, but instead of admonishing 
her, she took her side. "She's right, Mitchell. You are being a 
rat about the whole thing."

"I didn't say I wouldn't go. I said, I might not make it," I 
retorted.

I wanted to know what she was planning. I didn't like being 
caught unprepared or suckered into something I would dislike. 
Kathy immediately recognized the opportunity, but was reluctant 
to come out with whatever she had up her sleeve. In the end, she 
gave up the pretense, and said, "Sarah turned into a babe, 
Mitchell. You would hardly recognize her."

"Sarah? A babe?"

She had always been a good looking girl, but nothing special. The 
girl-next-door kind of good looking, except her voice. She had 
been a bit pudgy at the time, so I had difficulty imagining her 
as a babe.

Mom said, "Sarah is not really a babe."

That made more sense, so I looked askance at my sis, wondering 
what she was up to, when Mom added, "She's a blonde bombshell."

_Sheeesshh! What the hell's going on? Babe! Blonde bombshell! 
Sarah is turned into a blonde bombshell. You're joking, right?_

When I looked at Mom, she was grinning from ear to ear, smug with 
the knowledge that she had managed to shake me up. Seeing I 
wasn't convinced, she nodded, confirming my suspicions.

_Uhh... OK! I'll take your word for it. So... what's going on? 
What are you two up--_

_Ooh, no! No way! You two aren't playing matchmaker, are you?_

"I don't think I like what I think you two are cooking up," I 
said.

"We aren't cooking up anything, Mitch. You need to get out, and 
this is as good an occasion for it as any," Kathy said, with Mom 
nodding her agreement.

"Just hold it there! If you haven't heard it yet, or didn't 
realize it up to now, let me put it clearly. I'm not interested 
in going out with any one," I said softly, but making it clear I 
wasn't going to allow any interference with my personal life.

"Mitch, come on. It's just a party. Sarah likes you, and no, not 
like that; she has a boyfriend. You've known each other since we 
were kids. You like her. She even promised to sing, and keep the 
_girls_ away from you. It will be fun, and you'll enjoy it. I 
don't have an escort, and I don't want to go there alone. There 
are no hidden agendas, OK?"

"I find that hard to believe, Sis. No offense intended, but I 
know how your mind works," I replied, still not convinced.

"You make your own decisions. Nobody will force you to date 
Sarah, or any other girl. Everybody knows you always do what you 
want, and I know it would be pointless to suggest anything. So, 
what are you afraid of? What's your problem? Don't tell me you're 
scared of seeing Sarah?" Kathy asked, successfully cornering me 
with her logic.

_You're some piece of work, Sis. I'm glad you didn't get to be a 
lawyer, and I pity the guy that marries you._

I gave her an appraising look, trying to see what else she would 
be springing on me, but she returned my gaze with the same 
appraising look. She had a self satisfied smile on her lips, and 
I didn't think it was related to winning the argument. No, this 
was something else, and that made me wonder. I went through the 
short exchange trying to see what else was hidden that would make 
her react like that. I got the feeling she had engineered the 
whole discussion. The party at Sarah's place, the whole thing 
about how Sarah had changed were interesting revelations and 
caught me by surprise, but why would Kathy open up the subject to 
raise my suspicions, almost inviting a confrontation? She didn't 
invite a confrontation, she directed us right into the 
confrontation about my personal life and affairs, knowing full 
well how I would react, and then, successfully cornered me with 
her logic. What would she gain by irritating me, except the 
possibility that I would refuse to go to a party she wanted to go 
to?

I took out my pack and lit a cigarette, while paying attention to 
her as surreptitiously as I could. She knew what I was doing, and 
wasn't bothered. In fact, she seemed to be enjoying herself, and 
didn't hide it.

_Damn, Kathy! You pulled one over me, and feel real smug about 
it, don't you?_

When I looked at her I could see her eyes were laughing at me. I 
gave her a small smile, with a warning look that hinted at a 
payback she wouldn't like, but she nonchalantly shrugged it off. 
She knew I wouldn't be a real bad ass about it; it was an empty 
threat. We used to parry like that a lot when we were kids, 
enjoying the battle of wits.

_Well, let's see how good you're at strategy, Kathy._

"Saturday... what time is the party?" I asked, as if I had given 
up, and feigning interest.

"So, you're going?" she asked suddenly enthusiastic, without 
realizing that she had just walked into my hand.

I didn't answer, but kept smiling, and she realized her mistake. 
Once her smug smile faded, I said, "I didn't say that, yet, did 
I? I need to know the time, to see if I could make it."

"_What_!!! You have a _prior_ engagement?" she retorted snootily.

"Let's say, I have plans, and I need to know if I have to shuffle 
my schedule."

"You're being a _rat_, Mitch, and you know it," she replied 
indignantly.

Just then, Mom stood up, and smiling at both of us, she said, 
"You two take it easy! Don't break anything. I'm not going to 
clean up your mess." Mom used to say that when we were younger 
and involved in battles like this.

Finally, we were alone in the kitchen, and I wondered who would 
surrender first. I knew Kathy would stick to her guns, as I 
would. I was planning to take her to the party, but I was curious 
about why she had engineered the previous exchange. I decided to 
lay my cards on the table and see where it would take me.

"Kathy, I'll take you to the party."

"And?"

"And? What do you mean, 'and'?" I asked.

"You have something up your sleeve, Bro. Out with it," she 
responded hotly, with a suspicious tone.

"I don't have anything up my sleeve. And if I did, why should I 
tell you?"

She mulled something in her mind, then asked, "What's on your 
mind, Mitch?"

"How about a little bit of _quid pro quo_?" I replied.

"On what?" she asked.

"OK, Sis. Here's the deal. I won't pay you back for the stunt you 
just pulled. In fact, I won't pay you back for any of the stunts 
you pulled today, starting with your quip about who I saw in the 
airport, and including all the singing and dancing about Sarah. 
I'm just curious about what you were really trying to accomplish 
with that little confrontation a few minutes ago."

Then, thinking over the whole quid pro quo thing, I decided to be 
even more generous. This was Kathy, after all, and the issue was 
minor, so I said, "I've changed my mind. For what it's worth, I'm 
not even going to hold you up to the _quid pro quo_. Rest easy, 
I'm not going to pay you back for anything , whether you explain 
what you were up to or not."

She got up from her chair, and stood by my side, then leaning, 
she hugged me, whispering, "I love you, Mitch. I missed you."

"I missed you too, Sis. But, sometimes you drive me crazy," I 
retorted.

"That's what sisters are for," she came back with a laugh.

"I guess. I should have asked Mom and Dad for a brother instead 
of a sister."

That quip earned me an elbow, making me grunt. She could get 
heavy handed at times, and this was one of them. "Jeez, Sis. Take 
it easy. No wonder the guys are scared of you."

_Oh, shit! Now she'll rip my head off._

Luckily, she let that pass, and returned to her chair.

"So you're curious about what happened?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "As I said... I won't die if you want to 
keep it to yourself."

"Well, I have one word for you." She paused, waiting to see if 
she would draw a reaction from me. When I didn't respond, she 
continued. "Shampoo. Your new shampoo," she said, as if that 
explained all.

"My shampoo? What about my shampoo?" I asked, feigning 
puzzlement. I knew what she was getting at, but I wasn't going to 
confirm her suspicions.

"Come on, Mitch. I know what I smelled."

"Oh, really! Say, if I was sitting in a taxi for half an hour, 
which smelled like the prior occupant had broken a bottle of 
powerful perfume, you would assume I had been with a woman? Or 
because I didn't want to talk about the person I met in the 
airport--by the way, you don't know many of my high school 
friends--that person automatically becomes a _she_ with whom I'm 
having a secret affair? Interesting deductive technique, Sis. 
Warped, but interesting," I retorted with a smug smile.

That gave her a pause, but it was short lived.

"So, why did you say it was your shampoo, instead of explaining 
about the smelly taxi? I don't buy it, Bro."

"Believe what you will. You think I picked up somebody at the 
airport? Hmmm... I must be getting my old charm back in a hurry. 
Good, I can use some of that old charm at the party."

She knew I didn't have girl friends, especially in the last 
couple of years. She suspected I had a few short-lived flings and 
considering the fact that I wasn't a monk, she expected them, but 
she also knew they had been too infrequent for a guy my age. Even 
before all that, I wasn't much of a success with girls, so my 
last delivery gave her food for thought, so much so that her face 
fell. She remembered why I was away from home. I felt guilty 
making her feel bad, but more so because I had lied. Well, not 
exactly lied, but I had misrepresented partial truths, letting 
her draw her own conclusions. Of course I had met an old friend, 
and one that she knew--my nemesis--although we haven't gone to 
the same school, so that was definitely a misrepresentation. And, 
I didn't pick up Dana, she picked me up, so that wasn't much of a 
misrepresentation. I didn't know how I could justify my actions, 
even though she had no business nosing around my private affairs, 
but... She was my sister.

_Where do I draw the line? If I told her to mind her own 
business, I would be continuously fending off her probing. She 
would eventually succeed, unless I took stern measures, but then, 
that would mean hurting her feelings. She loves me, and she just 
doesn't take 'no' as an answer._

_I'm not going to hurt you, Kathy. I hurt enough people. 
Yesterday, 'her,' then this morning, Dana, and now..._

"Sis? It's OK!" I said softly.

She shook her head.

"Kathy!" I raised my voice trying to shake her up, and succeeding 
in getting her attention, I said, "I need your promise on 
something."

"What?"

"I need you to promise me something."

"What do I have to promise, Mitch?" she asked, curious and 
apprehensive at the same time.

"Nothing big or bad. I just want you to promise not to ask 
questions about what I'm going to tell you."

"You're scaring me, Mitch. I can't make a promise like that."

"Come on, Kathy. You don't trust me? It's nothing big or serious, 
but I don't want you bothering me with a lot of questions. You 
have to settle for what I'm going to tell you. Nothing more, 
nothing less."

She might have been unsettled, but her mind was still sharp, so 
she went for the jugular. "This is about yesterday, and your 
friend, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is. Now, do I have your promise?"

"No, you don't. Eventually, you'll give it up," she retorted.

_Jeez, Kathy. Grow up, will you? I'm not going to put up with 
that._

"I think, I better stay here or get a room in a hotel," I 
replied.

"What are you hiding, Mitchell? You wouldn't go to such lengths, 
if it wasn't someth-- Oh, my God! You rat bastard! I was right. 
You lied to me, you little shit! And I was sitting here feeling 
sorry about you. How could you? I'm your sister!"

"Then, please, act like one, Kathy. And grow up, will you? I told 
you countless times not to nose into my affairs. Do I bother you 
about your boyfriends, or nose into your private affairs? No, I 
don't. When are you going to learn there are some boundaries, 
Sis?" I said softly, trying to reason with her, instead of using 
an admonishing tone. I was surprised at myself, and how calmly I 
delivered those words. If this had been happening a year or two 
ago, my tone would have been colored by irritation, if not filled 
with resentment.

Kathy didn't respond immediately, but kept her gaze on me 
scrutinizing me carefully. After several minutes, she said, "I 
know I deserve some of the things you said, but I don't think I 
deserved that line about staying here or in a hotel. I am your 
sister, Mitchell. Do you really feel like that? You're never 
around, and you've grown distant over the last several years. Do 
I deserve that? Do Mom and Dad deserve that?"

"Katherine, don't try the guilt trip on me," I replied, reverting 
to a formal tone, despite my best intentions. Collecting myself, 
I tried again, this time with a gentler tone. "We are not kids 
anymore. I have my own life, and you have yours. That's a fact of 
life. Just because I'm away doesn't mean I love you less. You 
left home before I did. I wasn't the one who went to boarding 
school at fifteen. You were the one who came home only during the 
weekends, holidays and vacation periods. You were the one who 
came back changed at an early age. Did I love you less for it, 
because you were away? Did I make an issue of it?"

I took a deep breath, and added, "I didn't even leave home for 
college, Kathy, because the local college had the best 
engineering branch in the whole country. You think I've changed 
in the last few years? I changed when I was a sophomore, and had 
to do my first industry training at the rig. I tasted freedom for 
a mere six weeks, but it was enough, I enjoyed it. I didn't 
particularly like the desert, but I was looking forward to going 
there again, after graduation. After my junior year, after the 
second industry practice, I was sure of it. What happened during 
the later part of that summer, had very little to do with my 
decision. Well, to a certain extent. I'm not going to get into 
the details. The point is I was going to go away from home."

"I'm not talking about your decision. I'm talking about how you 
grew distant," Kathy said.

"Come on, Kathy. You weren't the same when you came back from 
boarding school. We were suddenly distant. That's what happens. 
You had your peers, I had mine. Does that mean I loved you less, 
or you loved me less?"

She got thoughtful at that. "Yes, we were distant... to a certain 
degree... but..."

"But what, Kathy?"

"But I never shut anybody out of my life. You shunned everybody. 
Mom, Dad, me, your friends. You don't talk.

"Oh, come on. You're exaggerating the whole thing."

"Mitchell, that's enough bullshit. Are you blind... or in denial? 
You and Mom used to sit up late at night, talking till the wee 
hours of the morning. How do I know? Because, Mom told me. You 
used to laugh... a lot... when watching something on TV. You used 
to tell jokes. Now, not anymore. You never socialized much, but 
used to spend some time with friends. Now, you just take 
vacations by yourself. Tell me if I'm wrong."

"What do you want me to say, Kathy?"

"I want you to--"

"I'm not going to talk about it. Let's get that straight and out 
of the way. I don't feel like talking about some things. There is 
no way in hell anybody or anything that can or that will make me 
talk about things I don't want to discuss. Is that clear?"

When she didn't reply, I forced myself to relax, before I 
repeated my question. "Is that clear?"

She didn't reply, but was watching me carefully. Finally, 
breaking the silence, she said, "Tell me something, Mitch. Are 
you using your training, now?"

That non sequitur threw me for a loop.

"What?"

"Are you using your training? You know, the stuff that you used 
to practice? Something like meditation... the sinking into... I 
don't know what you used to call... the depth or something... the 
thing you explained you were using when practicing with your 
swords?"

"The Void?"

"Yeah, the void. Are you using that, now?"

"No. Why should I? I haven't used it for a long time, and my 
swords are here. I haven't touched them since... well... for 
quite some time."

"You don't practice anymore?" she blurted. It was obvious, she 
hadn't expected my answer.

"I practice Tai Chi. I haven't practiced anything else for quite 
some time. Why?"

"Nothing. I didn't expect you to quit your practice. On the 
previous subject, yes, we are clear," she said. "But that doesn't 
mean you're scot-free. I haven't made any promises."

"If that's the way it's going to be," I said with a shrug I 
didn't feel.

"You're still staying at my place, Bro."

"Now, you're dictating terms to me?" I asked, more amused than 
irritated. If this had happened a year or more ago...

She didn't answer, but kept watching me, searching my face, and I 
could see her mind was busy with something. Then with a chuckle, 
she said, "My, my, my... Whoever she is, I want to meet her... 
one day."

Her comment took me by surprise, making me realize how ill-
equipped I had been to deal with Kathy.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, putting all my acting 
abilities to put the right tone of puzzlement in my voice.

"You know _exactly_ what I'm talking about, or rather, _whom_ I'm 
talking about. She must be something... How long have you known 
her?" she asked, going straight for the kill.

"Kathy, I told you a minute ago. You have to know when to leave 
the table, while you're still ahead. So, back off. You know I 
don't like to repeat myself."

I wasn't pissed at all, and I should have been. Somehow I found 
myself rather enjoying her efforts, and fending off her 
attention. It reminded me of earlier years, when we were kids. I 
missed her sharp mind. But, still, I wasn't ready to talk about 
my private affairs. At least I was enjoying this sibling battle, 
instead of resenting her. She was, after all, being Kathy.

"For the time being, Mitch... for the time being... I can wait. 
For what it's worth, she's good for you. I can see that. You may 
not have realized it, but I haven't seen you so calm for a long 
time, even when I was getting on your nerves. You have to decide 
where you want to stay. Don't worry, I'll give you your space and 
won't bother you anymore," she said. Then with a wicked grin, she 
added, "Not any more than I have to, that is. I'd rather have you 
at my place, but it's up to you."

_Do I want to stay at your place? Tough question. I don't want to 
be put through the grinder again, Kathy. I love you, but you try 
my patience. I hope I won't hurt your feelings, if you keep it up 
too long._

I knew she wanted me at her place, and I missed her as much as 
she missed me. In the end, it wasn't hard to decide. She still 
had to go to school and work, so even if she wanted to grill me 
she wouldn't have much time to do it, and I doubted she would 
attempt something like this anytime soon. What's more, I wanted 
to make her happy.

"Sure, Sis. I'll stay at your place. No problems."

"Thank you, Mitch."

"You're welcome," I replied with a patronizing tone, but she knew 
I was teasing her, so she didn't rise to the bait.

"So, what's the plan, Bro? What do you want to do?"

"I'd like to take a short nap. I'm pretty tired from the last few 
days. Then we'll see how it goes. Are you working tomorrow?"

"Nope, I'm off duty until Monday. A few of the girls owed me 
time, so we switched and shuffled the shifts."

_Isn't that just great!!!_

I quickly chased that thought away. She had gone to great lengths 
to be with me and here I was acting unappreciative.

"Tomorrow I need to go to the garage, and that would probably 
take several hours, perhaps half a day. I'm afraid, you'd be 
wasting your off duty time."

"Can't you just leave the car, and then pick it up when it's 
ready?"

"I want to be there when they go over it. I want to make sure 
they do it properly."

"Sometimes you go overboard, Mitch. Don't you ever trust people?"

"Let me tell you something, Sis. If I had to let our rig mechanic 
check my car, I could easily trust him, because I know him and 
how thorough he is. I don't know the guys in the garage. I can't 
assume they'll do a good job. Say, one of the guys didn't check 
the brake pads and replace the worn out ones, and I had to brake 
hard, what do you think would happen? Working on the rig-site I 
have learned never to assume anything. We even have a good saying 
about that particular habit: 'Assumptions are the mother of all 
fuck ups'."

"You're such a control freak."

"Just because I'm being cautious? Whatever you say, Sis."

She shrugged it off, and said, "We'd better get moving then."

"What about Mom and Dad?"

"We'll be having dinner here, tomorrow night, and I think Mom 
would appreciate if you could get here early in the afternoon."

I nodded my agreement.

We said our goodbyes to Mom--Dad was asleep--and left for Kathy's 
place, in her car.



* * * * *







CHAPTER - 10: Siblings



Kathy had a nice, small, two-bedroom flat, not too far from where 
my parents lived. Although the place was small, especially the 
living room, which included a modern kitchen in one corner, she 
managed to make it look bigger that it was.

I hadn't seen it for quite some time, and the few occasions I 
dropped by were just to take her out to some place. I had a late 
brunch or lunch with her a few times, but I hadn't paid much 
attention to her place, and what she had done with it. Now, 
because I was going to spend some time here, I was curious how it 
looked like, and what changes she had made.

I still remembered the time when my parents and I had to help her 
to make the move, two years ago. Mom and Kathy had spent several 
days during a short break Kathy had from her studies, visiting 
second hand stores for some good quality furniture, and making 
the arrangements for delivery, while Dad and I had spent a few 
days, going through the flat, fixing things like electrical 
wiring and fittings, window insulation, and any other simple 
things we could fix. We also had compiled a list of items that 
would require an electrician, a carpenter and a plumber to fix, 
and then waited on the guys while they did their job.

To tell the truth I wasn't much of a handy man, never had been 
one, but I had learned some things on the rig, especially about 
electrical safety and some plumbing, so when I saw what the 
electrician was doing--the one we called from a nearby shop in 
the neighborhood--I got into an argument with him. I had a copy 
of the building code in my hand and saw him using the wrong rated 
cable to replace the existing but damaged wiring. When Dad 
realized what was happening, he ran him off. Quite many of the 
electricians, plumbers and carpenters learned their craft as 
apprentices, but the whole apprenticeship was very flawed--the 
education system wasn't much of a help also, without proper 
control mechanisms in place--and, with many of the the guys 
lacking some necessary education in science and math, and worse, 
lacking an interest in their craft, it was always a very 
difficult proposition to find a good, and reliable electrician or 
a plumber. That is not to say there weren't qualified people, 
like high school or college graduates, but the ones that actually 
did the work were only skilled for manual work, and the college 
graduates were more of the engineer type who weren't inclined to 
get their hands dirty doing the menial work, but supervise the 
ones that did the menial work. But, there were many small shops 
that were sort of a jack-of-all-tades kind, and did a lot of 
repairs, fixes from electricity to plumbing to carpentry, and the 
quality varied a lot. The worst part of the whole deal was, of 
course, the quick-and-dirty fixes they came up with during a job. 
For example, they would use a size smaller cable not rated for 
the job, if they ran out of the required cable when they were 
doing the wiring, not giving a second thought to the possibility 
of an electrical fire hazard. If I hadn't seen how things were 
done by our electrician at the rig site, and learned things from 
him, I wouldn't be aware of such problems. Not only that, but in 
the first place, he should have known his stuff and done it 
properly--as na�ve as that sounds--but such was the situation, 
and if you didn't take precautions and had no idea what they were 
doing, you could easily get screwed, major time! So, in the end, 
I went through the _Yellow Pages_, looking for a good 
electrician, instead of the local quick-fix type of shops in the 
neighborhood. I found a couple, but when I heard their prices, 
Dad and I knew we had to do some work ourselves. Dad managed to 
convince one of them to send a guy in to check the situation and 
make us a list of what is needed, and then we would try to do 
parts we could, and give the rest of the work to them. It worked 
perfectly, and I remember how proud Dad was, when the electrician 
came to do their part, and inspecting my work, gave a more than a 
passing note. I guess, it was because Dad was worse than me as a 
handy man. He could do some carpentry(!)--read, could nail two 
wooden planks--and fix some simple plumbing problems, and that 
was the extent of his abilities. Well, that was to be expected, 
as he was a white-collar; having been a desk jockey most of his 
life. I was supposed to be a white-collar, too, but ended up 
being something of a white- and blue-collar.

After all the work was done, we helped the women folk to clean 
the house. Then, while they got busy buying and fixing curtains 
and other necessary stuff, Dad and I did the painting, something 
which we both were very accustomed to, after moving from one 
rental place to another several times over the years. And since 
Mom and Kathy weren't around, we could get it done without any 
interference from them. I guess we both had fun, and surely, 
without the distraction of comments like: "Be careful. You're 
dripping paint there!" or "This part requires another coat!" and 
similar, we finished the job in record time. Afterwards, we had 
to clean up a few spots, but there weren't many spills or paint 
drops. I remember Dad and I sharing a look and bursting into 
laughter; we both were thinking whether the presence of the women 
during the previous times was what jinxed the painting jobs.

Finally, the day arrived for the move, and we packed Kathy's 
stuff, and got it moved to her flat, and during the day, the 
other deliveries, such as the furniture from various stores 
arrived. Dad and I made several trips back and forth to get some 
of the delicate stuff like TV, stereo, and glassware, not 
trusting a moving company to be careful with the stuff. It wasn't 
a long distance, and required only a few trips from my parents' 
place to Kathy's flat. In a few hours we finished the whole move. 
By evening time, Dad and I finished assembling the bookshelves, 
the bed, the wardrobe, while the women got the kitchen in order, 
unpacking the glassware and other stuff. Just before dinner time, 
we had the living room also sorted out, the furniture placed as 
required, and then Dad and I went out to get two big pizzas and a 
bottle of red wine to celebrate. After dinner , at Mom's urging 
we didn't hang around but left; she knew Kathy was anxious to 
have the place to herself for the first time in her life. Next 
day, I was on the road for my vacation. When I returned, I saw 
Kathy before taking my flight, and she told me about her first 
night in her flat; she had been up all night long, sitting in the 
living room, reading and listening to music, finally going to bed 
around four in the morning, tired, but happy. I could sympathize 
with the feeling.

I looked around to see if she made any changes, but it looked the 
same. There were few additions; a couple of small low tables next 
to the couches, and a sturdy low table for the TV and the stereo 
which used to sit on the floor, a sit-sack, and some new pictures 
on the walls. I remember the time Kathy and I shopped for some 
pictures and posters, and framing them at home before hanging 
them on the walls. _The Scripps Pier_ by Ansel Adams--my choice 
which Kathy loved--and a few more reproductions of his scenic 
photos occupied the main wall behind the big couch. By the side 
of the window were small sized pictures, mostly the works of Kim 
Anderson, which I thought were really girly-girl kind of 
pictures, especially Kathy's favorite, _The First Kiss_, but I 
knew why she had chosen it. Dad had taken a picture of us when we 
were about three or four years old, that depicted us in a similar 
pose--I didn't have a rose in my hand, but I was kissing Kathy on 
the cheek. Her new additions to the collection were a bunch of 
medium size pictures of smoke filled rooms and Jazz Musicians, 
occupying an empty spot on the wall, above the stereo. I wasn't 
sure if she had chosen them for the mood the pictures depicted, 
rather than an actual interest in Jazz music, but Kathy was 
always full of surprises--and I wasn't stupid enough to bet 
either way!

I took my suitcase to the spare bedroom. I recognized her old 
bed. It used to be in her bedroom, but it looked like she had 
changed the bed in the master bedroom, and put her old bed here. 
Above the bed, on the wall, was a picture that I knew very well; 
one of the female nude works of Mick Payton. I had sneaked it in 
without Kathy's knowledge when we were shopping for pictures, and 
later hung it in her bedroom, earning myself a quip: "Hey! I'd 
rather have a picture of some hunk in my bedroom. Something that 
shows tight buns, and not tits!"

I turned at her, giving a quizzical look about the picture.

"Well, if you'd rather prefer, I can hang one of the Kim Anderson 
pictures," she said flashing me a teasing grin.

"No, thank you. That will do _just fine_!" I replied hastily.

"I thought it would," she said, before leaving the room.

_Paybacks... eventually they catch up, whatever I do to evade 
them!_

I smiled at the thought, since it was obvious Kathy had on 
purpose moved the picture from her bedroom to what was, now, 
temporarily my bedroom. I would have preferred one of the Ansel 
Adams scenic photos, but...

I checked what was brought here from my parents', and went 
through the wardrobe. It looked like almost all my clothes were 
brought in, some already in the hangers, and the rest distributed 
in various shelves. Other items like socks, underwear, etc. were 
in one of the drawers. As I was checking out shelves, and 
drawers, I noticed a black duffel bag at the bottom floor of the 
wardrobe. I took it out and set it on the floor. Opening the 
zipper, I checked the contents. It had been a long time, but I 
knew what was in there: my practice katana, wakizashi, a bokken 
(the wooden sword), a white gi set (the canvas cotton trousers 
and jacket), a long and narrow carry bag with a shoulder sling 
for the swords, and a small box with various items related to 
upkeep of the swords. I took out the bokken and the katana to 
inspect them. Pulling the katana from its scabbard, I checked the 
polish. Satisfied with that, I tested the balance and the feel of 
the sword. It felt heavier than I thought it was, but more than 
that, it was disconcerting to discover that it felt foreign; it 
wasn't a natural extension anymore.

_Do I want to practice again? I don't know. Maybe I should start 
practicing with the bokken and see where it would take me._

Carefully sliding the blade into the scabbard, I returned the 
katana into the duffel bag and picked up the bokken. It was still 
in good condition. The surface was slick with wood oil and I 
didn't see any cracks. I was zipping up the duffel bag when I 
felt Kathy standing at the door. Looking over my shoulder, I saw 
her scrutinizing me. I was surprised that this duffel bag was 
here. I expected it to be left at my parents' place. Kathy had 
never said anything, but I always thought she didn't like some of 
my training, and wasn't comfortable with the contents of the 
duffel bag. Another subject I was loath to talk about, especially 
with Kathy.

When I raised an eyebrow, she said, "If you have any dirty 
laundry in your suitcase, I can put them in the washer."

"I don't have much, Sis. I can get it."

"Well, if you want to risk wearing pink underwear, then do it 
yourself."

"Come on, Sis. Whites separate, colored separate. I've washed my 
own stuff before."

"Do you iron as well?" she teased.

"Don't rub it in, will you?"

She wasn't going to let it go. "Do you still cook?"

"Nope. We have cooks and other staff that do the cleaning and 
washing at the rig-site."

"Well, since you've been spoiled by all that service, I better 
get your stuff washed," she retorted with a snort.

"Suit yourself. It's not locked," I replied, then took the duffel 
bag and placed it back in the wardrobe. I put the wooden sword on 
the dresser. I wanted to take it with me for the vacation, and I 
didn't want to forget it. Sensing I was being watched, I turned 
to face Kathy.

"Are you going to practice?" she asked.

"Nope. I'll take it with me for my vacation."

She had an unreadable expression on her face.

"Kathy, what is it?"

"Nothing," she replied. Before I could say anything, she turned 
and got busy going through my suitcase, separating the items into 
neat piles for washing. Over her shoulder, she said, "You'll find 
a bath towel in the bathroom. Go and take a shower, then get some 
sleep. I need to do some shopping--back in a few hours."

Fifteen minutes later I was in bed. I wasn't sure if I would get 
much sleep, but a short nap wouldn't do any harm. I still had to 
catch up with my sleep.



* * * * *



_The sky was a strange mix of blue and gray, the darker colored 
clouds in constant shift, mixing and interloping with each other. 
Standing on the wet sand, I looked at where the horizon should 
be, but I couldn't distinguish sea from sky. They were both the 
same indistinct blue-gray. The rain was coming down gently, but 
in a continuous sheet, made up of fine droplets, blurring the 
details. The whole scene looked like a delicate painting on rice 
paper._

_I heard footsteps on wooden planks and turned towards the sound. 
A girl was walking, headed for the small boat secured to the side 
of the wharf. Untying the ropes, she threw them in and jumped in 
the boat. I didn't catch her face, but she looked familiar. I was 
trying to get a good look and almost started in her direction, 
when I was stopped by a hand on my arm. I turned around and came 
face to face with Dana. She released her hold and brushing my 
cheek with the back of her fingers, pulled me for a gentle kiss. 
Breaking the kiss, she nodded in the direction of the boat. When 
I turned back, I saw 'her'--19 years old, her black hair wet and 
stringy from rain--sitting in the boat; one hand on one of the 
oars and the other waving me goodbye. She had a happy smile on 
her face. I wasn't sure if her face was wet from tears or the 
rain._

_I looked back at Dana and she shooed me away, urging me to go to 
the boat. When I didn't respond, her expression changed and she 
mouthed, "Go!"_

_When I turned my attention back to the boat, the girl was 
already getting ready to row away from the wharf. As I started to 
walk towards her, she saw me coming and waved goodbye again, then 
started rowing the boat away. I ran, but she shook her head with 
a smile on her face. By the time I was at the edge of the wharf, 
the boat was out of reach. She stopped rowing and motioned me to 
go back._

_I heard footsteps behind me and a quick glance revealed Dana 
making her way to me. Her eyes were on the boat and when she was 
standing next to me, she beckoned to the boat, urging the girl to 
row back to the wharf. But, the girl just shook her head and gave 
a small wave, bidding Dana and I goodbye, and picked up the oars 
again. I felt Dana push me over the side and fell into the 
water..._

With a lurch I came awake, feeling somebody trying to push me 
back to bed and something wet on my forehead.

"Shssshhh! Mitch. Take it easy. You were having a bad dream," 
somebody whispered.

I was panting and I couldn't get enough oxygen. The air seemed 
too thin. I tried to breathe normally, but felt like I was 
suffocating. Something cold soothed my forehead and a cold hand 
caressed my neck, while a soft voice repeated, "Breathe slowly. 
Calm down."

The cold hand and the wet towel on my forehead helped me to focus 
my attention, and collect my senses. My breathing eased. Feeling 
my back arched, muscles tensed, I relaxed and let myself onto the 
bed. Kathy was leaning over me, concern written all over her 
face. Trying to ease her worries I tried to smile, but she didn't 
buy it.

"I'm OK, Kathy. Just a bad dream."

"Who is the doctor here?" she replied. She lifted the sheet and 
ran her hand over my chest. "You're wet. You don't have a fever, 
but you're wet with sweat. That's not good, Mitch."

"Maybe I'm coming down with something. It was cold the last two 
nights on the rig, and I spent most of the time outside," I 
offered.

"Maybe," she replied, but she wasn't convinced. "Do you remember 
anything of your dream?"

"No. I only remember falling and that's when I woke up. I'll be 
all right, Sis. I just need a shower."

Taking the wet towel, she wiped my face and neck, then asked me 
to sit up. When I did, she asked if I was feeling dizzy, but I 
was feeling OK. She didn't interrogate me further, which 
surprised me, but I was grateful for the break.

I took a long luxurious shower, while she changed the sheets on 
the bed. I was troubled by the dream and what it meant. I didn't 
have episodes like that. I had nightmares, but I didn't remember 
much of them afterwards, and usually they were a jumble of things 
that didn't make any sense. Contrary to what I said, I remembered 
everything that took place in this dream. When I walked into the 
living room, I found Kathy talking on the phone. Seeing me, she 
cut her talk short and finished the call.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm all right. Sooo... what's the plan?" I said, trying to 
change the subject.

"You still feel like going out? I could fix something here."

"Kathy, when I say I'm all right, I mean _all right_. So, tell 
me.. where do you want to go?"

"There's a new place, really a strange mix, though. Owned and 
operated by a Russian couple, they have Russian and Greek 
specialties. I think you'll like it. They also have live music, 
first some Russian folk music with balalaika, and later, Greek 
music with bouzouki."

"That's a strange mix. Why don't they go with one or the other as 
a theme?"

"I don't know. I think the guy is Russian and the girl is Greek, 
or something," Kathy replied with a chuckle.

"Sounds good to me. Who's driving?"

"We're taking a cab. I'm going to drink and I know you'd like to 
have a few. I want both of us to enjoy the night."

That was strange. I knew she drank, but not much. Usually she 
ended up being the designated driver, so she didn't drink most of 
the time.

_Taking a cab means she's going to let her hair down. Is that 
good or bad? Let's see._

"I can do without the drinks. No need to take a cab. I'll drive."

"If you want to, but I think you'll miss the fun and the 
atmosphere," she replied and headed to her room to change.

_Hmmm ... She doesn't look like she's planning anything._

I watched the news on TV for a few minutes, but getting bored 
with the repetitious crap about a fire in a hotel, I switched to 
a documentary channel. Kathy came back, dressed in a slinky, 
black evening dress, and high heels, with a small overcoat in her 
hand. She had a little bit of make-up and I didn't see any 
jewelry, which reminded me...

"You look good. I better take my jacket," I said and went to my 
room to pick up the little present for her.

When she found out what I had bought her, she loved it and 
immediately put it on. With the d�colletage in the front, the 
necklace made a striking contrast with the dress and her tanned 
skin; just as I expected when I bought it. Before we left, I 
remembered I had to call Dana tonight.

"Kathy, are we going to be staying up late?"

"No, not really. That's why we're going early. They close the 
place by midnight, and it's a weeknight. They are open later 
hours only on Fridays and Saturdays. Why?"

"I need to make a call tonight and I don't know if I have to 
leave a message for them to expect a call or not."

"_Them_? You mean _her_, don't you?" she said with a snort.

When I didn't react, she said, "I'll be good, Mitch. I'll be 
reeaaal gooood," making me laugh.

"Yeah? Why am I afraid of that?"

"Come on. Let's go. We have to be back in time for your call... 
to _them_!" she retorted, letting out a teasing laugh.



* * * * *



The restaurant was on the outskirts, in a pretty run-down section 
of town. From the outside it didn't look like much, but the 
inside was a surprise. Ambient lighting was low, but not 
uncomfortably dark. The dark wood finish on the walls gave a 
sense of being in an old house. Old oil lamps complimented the 
atmosphere. The chairs were also wood, stylish in an old 
fashioned manner, but uncomfortable. However, the whole 
atmosphere was great, and with the live music and great tasting 
food, that little discomfort was easy to overlook.

I'd had Greek food a lot of times, so I went for the Russian 
specialties, complimented with a small bottle of vodka. Kathy 
chose Greek specialties and enjoyed a few glasses of Ouzo. I was 
surprised to see her drink that much, but she didn't show it at 
all. I've known girls who could drink, but only a few that liked 
Ouzo. It was, after all, an acquired taste. We tried a few bites 
from each other's plates. I was curious to see how good their 
Greek specialties were, compared to the other places I've been, 
and found out that some of the dishes were as good as I've ever 
had. Next time I would definitely go Greek.

By the time the night was drawing to a close, Kathy was getting a 
bit giggly--well, more like nicely buzzed and bubbly. I loved to 
see her like that. But, she was careful and didn't go to excess. 
She ordered a cup of Greek coffee. I, on the other hand, chose to 
finish off my vodka with a lemon twist. A few years back, I had 
had a bad reaction to coffee after imbibing vodka, and I didn't 
want a repeat.

I paid the tab and we left, arriving home before midnight. I 
didn't have to wait too long for the quip.

"While I'm changing into something comfortable, why don't you 
call... _them_?" she said and headed to her room.

After digging out Dana's number from my wallet, I called her. She 
picked it up after the second ring; must have been expecting my 
call. We talked about her day. She sounded tired but chipper, 
telling me she would rearrange her schedule and take a couple of 
days off. But, that would have to wait until Monday. When I asked 
if, in the next couple of days, she would be spending a few hours 
at the airport here, between flights, she was hesitant to answer.

"Will you pass through the airport here, or have an overnight 
stay?"

"Ummm. Probably..."

"Probably? You don't know your schedule?"

"It's... complicated."

_Complicated? What's going on, Dana?_

I was a bit disappointed, but more than that, I was scared. Was 
she having second thoughts?

"OK..."

"Mitch, it's not what you think," she said in a hurry, hearing 
the uncertainty in my tone.

"It's all right, Dana. I understand," I replied, trying hard to 
keep the strain from my voice.

"It's not about you. It's... Well, she will be back on Saturday, 
and I'll be flying with her the next couple of days," she replied 
with a sigh.

"I see..."

_Damn! This complicates things, but I can't keep on planning my 
life around HER! This isn't fair to Dana, or to me._

I was getting agitated. I didn't know what to say to Dana. I was 
tempted to say 'the hell with _her_!' but I didn't want to put 
Dana in an awkward position.

"Dana, I don't know what to say... No, that's not true. I know 
what I want to say, but I don't want to put pressure on you or 
put you on the spot. Dammit! This is getting ridiculous!"

"Mitch, calm down. Look, this is something we knew was coming. We 
can't avoid it."

"I-I... I can't keep planning my life around her," I blurted.

Dana went quiet at that.

"Dana, you there?"

"Yes, Mitch..."

"I'm sorry. I just want to get to know you and... it feels like I 
won't even get that chance."

"Mitch, we both need time. We can't rush into this. Don't you 
think a few days apart will be good for both of us?"

"I... Yeah. I know, but... If you're saying this because of her, 
I can't accept it. If you're saying it because that's the way you 
feel..."

"Now, you are putting me on the spot, Mitch."

That gave me a pause. I didn't want to put pressure on her, but 
then I remembered my dream and that filled me with a chill.

"Mitch?"

"Sorry. You're right... A few days apart might do us some good."

"Mitch, I miss you... it's not been a day yet, and I miss you. 
But, we need to be patient, and work this thing out," she said 
softly.

"I miss you too, Dana. I'll wait..."

"Good. Now... I can't promise anything, but if I figure out 
something I'll let you know. Where can I reach you?"

"That's going to be a problem. I'm staying with my sis, and... 
well... it's kinda _complicated_," I finished using her own 
expression, and laughing at my choice.

"What kinda _complicated_?" she asked with an amused tone.

"She's being kinda _sisterly_."

"She figured out you have a new woman in your life?" she asked 
with a giggle.

"Yeah... something like that. It's not that I'm trying to keep it 
a secret, but she usually gets overzealous trying to figure out 
what's happening in my life," I said with a resigned tone.

"If she's the kind that I'm guessing she is, she probably cares 
and is being protective."

"I can do without the protection."

That earned me a laugh and she came back with, "That bad, huh?"

"Try, 'not taking _no_ for an answer' for size and see how it 
fits," I retorted.

"Ohh... she's my kind of girl," she teased. "How old is she?"

"Physically or mentally?" I quipped getting a giggle for my 
effort. "She's 24, but her mental age varies between 15 and 60."

"That sounds just about right... I've got to meet her sometime," 
she replied with an amused tone, and I chuckled at her reply.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"Come on, Mitch."

"Even though I didn't admit to anything, she had said exactly the 
same thing: 'I've got to meet her one day'."

"Well... I can arrange that," she teased, making me shiver at the 
thought.

"Oh, I'm sure you would get along fine. At least, you share the 
same passion and have a similar background. I'm just worried 
about how I could deal with the two of you."

"Really? Tell me more. What's she like? What does she do?"

"She's at the med school; finished her sixth year a few months 
ago. Now, she's going for her specialization."

"Wow! Seriously, Mitch. If you don't mind, I would really like to 
meet her."

"Oh, I do mind! But... I don't see how I could prevent it," I 
replied half-joking, but there was a slight edge to my voice.

That gave her a pause and she hesitantly asked, "You're serious 
about this, aren't you?"

"It's not about you, Dana. It's about the past, and _her_. I 
don't talk about her and nobody knows much about what happened or 
how it happened..."

I didn't finish my sentence, but Dana was quick to get my 
meaning.

"You mean, I'm the only one..."

"Yes. Look, I'm not implying anything, OK? I just know my sister. 
She's devious. I can't even think of a plausible answer to the 
question of how we met or why we met. A small slip up, and she'll 
be all over me like white on rice. She won't try anything with 
you, but I'll be put through the wringer. I love her, but I won't 
put up with certain things."

Changing to a less serious tone, I added, "I don't really mind 
it, Dana. I think it might be good, especially if you can, 
somehow rein her in. I love her too much and she... well, she 
knows that."

"Are you sure, you're not scared of the idea that your sister and 
I would form a sisterly pact?" she teased.

"Well... OK! I'll admit it. The thought crossed my mind... more 
than once," I replied with a chuckle. "How serious are you about 
meeting her, Dana?"

"Pretty serious."

"Any particular reason?"

"It's hard to explain... We really need to talk about these 
things face to face, Mitch."

"I guess... I was just curious. I don't need to know your 
reasons. Maybe it would be better. I have handled her before, so 
don't worry about it too much."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Dana, I'm sure. I don't want to sneak around, or hide."

"OK!" she said. After a short pause, she asked, "You're not going 
to tease her to death about me, are you?"

I almost missed the amused tone. She was sharp. I hadn't even 
thought about the possibilities. I would have eventually, but 
Dana had beaten me to it.

"Darn! I was just thinking about the possibilities. How did you--
"

"Honey, if I were in your shoes, I would have. After all the 
things you said about her..."

"Hmmm... I'm not going to regret my decision, am I?"

"I love you too much for that," she said, her voice filled with 
emotion.

"I... I wanted to say those words first, Dana. Tonight just 
doesn't seem to be my night."

"You said it first, Mitch... if you remember..."

"Yes, but... you know what I mean."

"I know." After a pause, she changed the subject, "Is she listed 
in the directory?"

"Yeah. Katherine Tanner."

For extra measure I gave her the number and address, which she 
noted down. As we finished our conversation with "I love you," my 
sister walked in, wearing her bathrobe and a towel wrapped around 
her hair.

When I looked up, she had an amused expression.

"Strange way to end a conversation. Considering, you were talking 
to _them_," she quipped.

When I didn't respond, she continued, "I never thought I would 
hear you say those words again, Bro."

That reminded me... _She_ had been the only one until recently.

_Do I still love her, or am I in love with that 19 year old girl? 
What's going to happen with her... and Dana? What's the meaning 
of the dream?_

I didn't have an answer to any one of them.

"Why? I say those words to you and good friends. I said it... to 
_them_," I replied with a teasing grin.

"_Them_? Come on, Mitch. Why don't you spell it out? She's not a 
_them_. She has a name. At least use her name or say _she_. Do I 
have to find it out using my own means?"

"That would prove to be a difficult task, Sis. You don't know 
_them_. You never met _them_," I goaded her. I was enjoying 
myself too much, especially pressing her buttons, after all the 
headache she had given me. I would eventually let her know, but I 
wanted her to sweat a bit.

"_Really_?" she responded with an ominous tone, and I felt the 
hair rise at the back of my neck. Kathy never shied away from 
challenges. This wasn't the first time I wondered how we managed 
to avoid killing each other, considering how stubborn and 
competitive we had been since childhood.

_What's she up to?_

"Yes, really. I gave you the opportunity before. You just had to 
give me your promise. Instead, you decided to act like a child. 
Give me your promise and I'll tell you about... _them_," I 
replied, flashing a grin.

"How about... I don't give you my promise... and..."

"And?"

"Still find out about her... for example who she is?" she 
retorted smugly.

"Not from me, Sis. I ain't saying nothing about... _them_!"

"I didn't say you would. I just don't want you to get pissed off, 
when I get her name. That's all!"

"Oh, I'm not worried about that."

"OK! By the way, I'm going to throw you a freebie, and won't 
bother you with questions. Just so, you can't say I wasn't being 
sporting about this."

I felt something cold run at my back, and almost shivered at the 
feeling. She never gave freebies!

_Fuck! Twice in a day? I know you have a devious mind, but you 
can't be that lucky. What the hell am I missing?_

"If you're not going to bother me with questions, why is it so 
difficult to give me your promise?" I asked.

"A promise is indefinite. It closes all the doors, and I know 
you'll hold me to it."

"And the freebie is not a promise? It sounded almost like a 
promise."

"That's where you're mistaken, dear brother. I'll get her name by 
my own means and I won't bother you with questions, until you 
tell me about her. After that, the doors don't stay closed. 
That's the difference."

Giving me a devilish grin, she continued, "Not only that, but I 
can change my mind anytime I want. After all, I'm a woman and we 
are entitled. I won't do that with a promise, and you know that."

I couldn't help but laugh at her antics. She could be 
entertaining when she wanted to be. She seemed so sure of herself 
I wanted to see how creative she would get, and how long it would 
take her to find out Dana's identity.

"OK. I'll play. Do your worst."

Suddenly, she got serious. "Mitch, I don't want to piss you off, 
OK? She's good for you, and I wouldn't mess it up for anything. 
Especially, something trivial like this challenge."

"It's all right, Kathy. Really. I'm just curious what you're 
planning and how long it will take you."

She was still not convinced, and for the first time I noticed 
something else. She was apprehensive about the aftermath; if our 
relationship would change for the worse.

"Kathy, I'm game. Go ahead. Just like the old times."

When she heard that she knew I meant it and her face lit up with 
enthusiasm. I guess we both missed our childhood closeness and 
here was a moment that captured it. With a mischievous twinkle in 
her eyes, she asked, "Have you got a watch, dear brother?"

"Watch? For what?"

"I think this will be a record in terms of the shortest battle 
ever fought. I want it recorded for posterity!" she retorted with 
a big grin.

"Sheeesh, Kathy. I hope you won't be rubbing it in every minute 
of the day." I was getting into the spirit of things.

"Ahh, Mitch, I love you too much for that."

At that, I almost blurted out what Dana had said.

_I think you two will get along just fine, when you get to meet 
each other._

"I'm waiting, Sis. I'm curious how you're going to pull up a 
rabbit from a non-existent hat."

With a smile on her face she walked to the telephone and picked 
it up.

"I have my magic hat here," she retorted wickedly.

_Shit! Redial. For fuck's sake, how the hell did I not think of 
it? She gave me enough hints and enough warning. She had been a 
real sport with this. I'll give her that._

Kathy was probably going to fake a wrong number call. I tried to 
recall how Dana responded to my call; she had used her full name. 
Kathy pressed the redial button and listened.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I must have dialed the wrong number."

While I expected the call to end, I saw Kathy sputter, her 
expression changing to a stunned surprise. She hesitated for a 
moment before replying with a timid, "Y-yes." The call wasn't 
finished and Kathy was still listening. I heard several 'hmmms' 
and 'ahhhs,' with a 'yes' thrown in between.

_What the hell's going on?_

Finally, Kathy said, "Yes. I will. I'm sorry to disturb you at 
this late hour." Then she finished the call with a "Good night."

She had a dazed expression on her face, but also a smile.

"OK, what just happened"? I asked, dreading the answer. From her 
expression, I was pretty sure Dana had caught Kathy at her game.

"You have a very cool girl friend, Mitch. I like her."

"She figured out who you were?" I asked the obvious.

"It seems she had been forewarned," she came back.

"I didn't say anything."

"Well, it seems you've talked about me. When my call came a few 
minutes after yours, she got suspicious. So, she took a potshot, 
and... well, she scored."

"Well, you did deserve that."

"Yeah, I did. It was pretty embarrassing at first, but she was 
cool."

I nodded.

"She told me to tell you that everything was all right. She 
suggested I talk to you first, before you called her back."

"What else did she say?"

"Nothing. She was trying to put me at ease, that's all. She also 
said that she would like a call back from you. She'll be up for 
another hour."

"OK, I'll call her. Anything else?"

"Nope."

"No, I mean, no questions from you?"

"Well... I'm dying to know about her, but I'll wait. Just don't 
make me wait too long."

"Kathy I can't promise anything; that's why I was trying to get 
your promise. You know me well enough to understand that I have 
my reasons. This isn't a high school romance thing."

She nodded, still a bit shaken.

I called Dana and we had a short talk.

"How is she taking it?" she asked.

"Pretty much dazed. How did you catch her?"

"Nobody calls me at this hour, and it was a young woman's voice, 
and it came not too long after your call. I was just going to let 
it pass as a wrong number call, but... people are usually 
careful, especially young women, at this late hour, about whom 
they dial."

She was sharp and her reasoning was simple. I laughed at how 
easily Kathy had been figured out.

"Don't laugh, Mitch," she admonished me.

"Why shouldn't I? You don't know what she did before pulling that 
trick on me."

"She's a clever girl, Mitch, and resourceful. So what did you 
lose?"

"Oh, nothing serious. In fact, I don't think she'll gloat about 
this, at all."

"What do you mean?"

"She had the gall to ask me if I had a watch."

"Watch?" Dana repeated, confused.

"Yeah. She said she wanted this to be recorded for posterity for 
the shortest battle ever fought."

I had to keep the handset off my ear, as Dana let out a hoot. 
When she collected herself, she said, "I like her. She plays for 
keeps."

"Well... I like her too. Especially the new Kathy I have," I said 
loudly, so Kathy would hear me.

"Leave me out of your sibling rivalry, Mitch. And be nice to 
her," Dana said.

Just then I had a pillow on my head. As usual, Kathy was 
reverting to her teenage self.

"Uh, OK! Are you sure you wouldn't give me a hand with a pillow 
fight I'm invited to?"

"What did she do? Throw a pillow?"

"Yep."

"You deserved it, Mitch."

"I guess, I did. I better not keep you up. It's already late."

"Tell her I like her. And, Mitch... I love you."

"I love you too, Dana. Sleep tight."

When I sat on the couch next to Kathy, she looked up expectantly.

"I gathered you got her name. We've...just met, and somehow hit 
it off. She's a few years older than me, and... well, we want to 
see where we go. It's too early to say anything."

She wasn't satisfied with that, so she asked, "Can't you at least 
tell me how you met her or what she does for work?"

Those particular questions were the ones that I dreaded. They 
could open a whole can of worms and I didn't want that. Kathy had 
an incredible mind, when I least expected it.

"We've met at the airport... but actually... she was on the same 
flight I was."

Kathy was putting me under the microscope again and she knew I 
wasn't telling her much. She also saw through how carefully I 
constructed my reply. To my surprise, she moved on... to 
something I didn't want to talk about at all.

"OK. So, you saw her in the plane. What does she do?"

"She's a flight attendant," I replied trying to keep my voice 
level.

For a moment her eyes widened in surprise and I could hear the 
wheels turning in her head. I don't know what she thought, but to 
my surprise she changed the subject, swiftly.

"It's getting late, Bro. It's time to hit the bed. Tomorrow we 
need to wake up early. We'll catch breakfast with Mom and Dad, 
and then you can collect your car and go to the garage."

I realized I was holding my breath and I let it out slowly. I 
nodded and gave her a goodnight kiss, before I made my way to my 
room.



* * * * *







CHAPTER - 11: The 'Void'



Next morning, I woke up early. After lazing in the bed for a few 
minutes, I got out. It was too early for Kathy to wake up, so 
putting on some sweats I went out for a short jog.

The air outside was chilly. Not to risk a cramp I started to walk 
at a brisk pace in the direction of a playground not far from her 
place. Half-way, I switched to a jog. To tell the truth I never 
enjoyed jogging much, except when I was at a beach. There, the 
early morning or late afternoon jogs had always been nice. In the 
city, I didn't feel like jogging or running, even when I could 
find a park or a green spot. It just wasn't the same. However, I 
could spend hours walking from block to block, visiting shops; 
mostly the bookstores and electronics shops. When Kathy tagged 
along, she had trouble keeping up with my pace, especially when I 
was window-shopping for electronics. In many ways we were alike, 
except in our choices. She would spend hours in a department 
store and I would be in a bookstore, browsing through their 
selections, eventually ending up with an armload of books to take 
with me on my trips. Sometimes, when I had the patience, I would 
accompany her to department stores. However, I usually had a 
magazine or book to while away the time, as Kathy tried on 
clothes. She liked to read as well, whenever she had time from 
her studies or during her long shifts in the hospital, but her 
literary taste was mostly dictated by my choices. At the end of 
my vacation, she ended up with most of the books I'd bought. She 
didn't mind reading my choices in sci-fic, thriller, or horror 
genres. In fact, she developed a liking for Robert Ludlum, 
Stephen King, Wilbur Smith, Asimov, Clarke, and a few others.

It didn't take long to reach the playground. At this early hour 
it was deserted, although in an hour it would get crowded, when 
the parents and school buses brought the kids to the school a few 
hundred yards away. At lunch hour, this place would be bustling 
with kids, a few of the teachers keeping an eye on them. I 
decided to take advantage of the early hour, and do my Tai Chi 
practice. When I finished, I sat on one of the benches, enjoying 
the crisp morning air. As usual, I was feeling at peace after my 
exercise. It had been a while since my last practice--the last 
two weeks at the rig had been busy and I hadn't had the time--and 
now, I realized how much I missed and needed the exercise.

In the quiet solitude of the empty playground, I found my mind 
wandering; the fragments from early years drifting in and out, 
reminding me my study and practice of various martial arts, but 
especially Tai Chi. Slowly, my thoughts started to converge, 
following an ever narrowing spiral track, like the circular, 
fluid moves I had performed a short while ago...



 . . . .



Tai Chi was the first martial art I had learned, and the one that 
I enjoyed the most. From outside it almost looked like an exotic 
form of ballet. I guess that was one part I liked about it; the 
calm and peace I found in the deliberate, studied slowness of 
each move, each stance, and the eerie grace and the fluidity that 
were present as I went through the forms. This was the only 
martial art where I could feel the chi, the inner energy my 
sensei always talked about. I had never advanced to the higher 
levels with some of the martial arts I took up, but Tai Chi 
offered me more than the others. What's more, the experience with 
Tai Chi came in handy when I practiced the other martial arts. 
Although it looked like a ballet performed in a slow motion 
replay fashion, Tai Chi was a serious martial art and it could be 
put to use with astonishing results, when performed at high 
speed.

The next martial art my sensei taught me was Aikido. No surprises 
there. It was another defensive martial art. Although the two had 
very little in common, (in fact their origins were as far apart 
as they could be, one being Chinese and the other being 
Japanese), somehow, I made the transition to Aikido much easier 
and faster then I expected. Despite the differences in their 
origins and the forms, they complemented each other. I found 
myself using the circular, fluid motions of Tai Chi, in 
combination with the grips and locks of Aikido, changing from one 
form to the other instinctively.

Once, I had my sensei on the tatami mats during practice, the 
first time ever, and we had a short discussion about it. I was 
elated to be able to beat him, but was also curious whether that 
had been a fluke or a lucky break. He had explained that I had 
been _in the moment_ and in harmony with my opponent. He went 
further to explain that in combat or a fight, there was rarely 
any harmony to be found and the outcome was mostly determined by 
the skill levels and the readiness of the spirit, the mental 
attitude. I had the skills, but I had to learn about the timing 
and _being in the moment_; the spiritual and mental preparation.

Thus, began a new journey, one that was filled with frustration. 
On rare occasions, it filled me with dread and fright. He started 
me on Kenjutsu, the art of the sword. It was, for the most part, 
repetitive and boring; practicing the cuts with the bokken 
countless times, until my muscles memorized each move and they 
became second nature. Then, we started on the meditative forms, 
while my practices with the bokken concentrated on timing. I 
didn't enjoy Kenjutsu as much as Tai Chi or even Aikido. It took 
me a long while to make progress, although Tai Chi helped, to a 
degree, with the meditative forms and spiritual preparation. 
Later, we moved on to the opening stances, and katas, and how to 
move from one cut to the other, as I did with Tai Chi. But, I was 
far from being able to improvise as I had with Tai Chi and 
Aikido, mixing and matching moves, grips, and locks. I had, 
however, learned about timing, and was making progress in _being 
in the moment_.

I studied the spiritual preparation and mental attitude. I was 
still concerned about winning, as anybody would be in any kind of 
competitive sport, but Kenjutsu required a completely different 
set of mental attitudes. I knew (and learned) about clearing my 
mind, and controlling my emotions like anger, and even fear. But, 
Kenjutsu required me to delve deeper, where it led me to... the 
_Void_. A place where there was no emotion... no thought... just 
emptiness. It had been a scary experience, filling me with 
unease. It had felt alien, dark and foreboding.

Although my sensei felt my unease and reluctance, he urged me to 
explore it. We had long discussions about the Void, and about my 
reluctance. He managed to convince me that my notions of light 
and dark, good and evil were what kept me from exploring the 
darkness and the emptiness I had discovered in the Void. One day, 
instead of Kenjutsu practice, he asked me to perform my Tai Chi 
exercises. Once I completed my practice, he asked me to repeat 
them, but also to seek the Void during the exercise.

It was a different experience and a new discovery. He joined in, 
and we moved into combat Tai Chi, once again switching back and 
forth between styles, from Tai Chi to Aikido--the higher levels 
of Aikido that could be used to attack instead of defense only. 
And, I was in the Void, in that dark, swirling mess; no emotions, 
no thought, my senses awake as if I had a third eye that I could 
look at the world. At the end of the practice, he prepared tea, 
letting us wind down, and we discussed what I experienced.

"So, Mitchell, what did you think about today's exercise?"

"It was different. The emptiness... the darkness wasn't what I 
thought or felt it would be. I'm confused. Why did it seem 
foreboding when I tried it with Kenjutsu?"

"It was my mistake, Mitchell. I apologize. Kenjutsu is still a 
combat art, although its teachings are peaceful. They should be 
used to attain calm and peace. I had forgotten your upbringing. 
You are still, very much a Westerner in upbringing, and have 
different notions about life and death, good and evil, light and 
dark."

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand, Sensei."

"Mitchell, when you take the sword in hand, the katana or the 
bokken, you are automatically associating it with life and death, 
even if it is for practice or for competition like Kendo. At the 
best, during competition, you are still concerned about winning 
or losing. You can control your fear, and empty your mind to some 
degree, but, you were never able to let go, and free yourself. 
You've learned about controlling your emotions, emptying your 
mind, but there is a deeper level... the Void. You never really 
reached that state in Kenjutsu, and that is why you had, you have 
difficulty."

"What about Tai Chi and what happened now?"

"Ahh. That is the crux of what I was trying to teach you. You 
have the answer yourself," he replied.

I pondered his cryptic words; what he said about Kenjutsu and how 
I felt about it compared to Tai Chi.

"Tai Chi is a solo martial art, and defensive, and I find it easy 
to attain calm and peace," I said.

"Precisely. You don't concern yourself about winning, and you 
don't associate it automatically with life and death. Even 
though, you know it can be used for combat, and very effectively 
so."

"So, I managed to sink in the Void, without preconceptions. The 
darkness in there is... part of the light... Yin and Yang?"

He nodded, then asked, "What did you find in the darkness, 
Mitchell?"

"Emptiness..."

When I didn't continue, he prompted, "And?"

"Purity and clarity," I replied, still contemplative, and trying 
to put into words my experience.

He raised an eyebrow, his black eyes urging me to continue.

"It was as if I was seeing the first time... if seeing is the 
right word?"

A small smile formed on his usually expressionless face. "Good. 
You've been a gifted student, Mitchell," he said, then paused to 
consider his next words. "I have to say, however, that you might 
not progress further. Does that bother you?"

"Why do you say that, Sensei?"

"You will not take Kenjutsu as a martial art, and continue to 
study it further, will you?"

I thought about my answer. I wanted to learn more, but I knew my 
heart wasn't in it, not as much as in Tai Chi. I was happy to 
keep learning more if I could, and practice what I had learned, 
but I didn't have the time to devote to further my studies.

"It would require more time than I could devote to it. I've 
started very late."

"Yes. That is so. I'm glad you recognize your limits. But, you'll 
keep at it, as time permits, and practice what you've learned?" 
he asked.

"Yes, Sensei."

"I have to warn you, Mitchell. That might prove to be extremely 
frustrating. You want to learn new things, and enjoy making 
progress, however little progress it might be. You have the 
patience for it, but Kenjutsu is an art that is difficult to 
master, requires a lot of time. I think you'll find that the 
little progresses become unsatisfactory after a while. You have a 
hunger for more. On the other hand, Tai Chi and Aikido will 
reward you well. I think you will find a lifetime of joy in 
them."

"Yes, Sensei. I understand. But, knowing all that, why did you 
start me in Kenjutsu?"

"It served its purpose. You had moved along faster than I 
expected. That day, when you beat me to the mat, mixing Tai Chi 
with Aikido, I realized I needed to introduce you to the Void. 
You needed to learn about timing and being in the moment. You had 
learned them partially, with Tai Chi and Aikido. You could center 
yourself, and feel the chi, but timing and being in the moment 
are basic and essential to Kenjutsu. More than that, the cut of 
the Katana requires a purity and clarity of spirit. You needed to 
learn about _no mind_, and the purity and clarity of spirit. I 
wasn't sure if I could teach you without Kenjutsu. And I wanted 
to see how far you'd progress in Kenjutsu."

"There is," I paused, "more than that..."

His dark eyes glittered for a moment at my comment, as if pleased 
at something.

"Yes, there is, Mitchell. You needed to be exposed to martial 
arts that have uses in combat, that are not purely defensive. 
Combat Tai Chi is a very effective martial art, as the later 
lessons you've learned in Aikido. But, they are, in essence, more 
suited for defense, rather than combat. You know you're good, but 
there are a lot of people who study martial arts. Somebody who is 
very much proficient in one of the martial arts, like Karate, 
could take you down. You needed an edge. You can hold your own 
against many, and with the Void, you have an edge, unless you 
encounter another who knows about the Void. Master of one Art is 
master of nothing. You remember that, don't you? I also know, 
you'll use your knowledge for self improvement. Otherwise I 
wouldn't have taught you, Mitchell."

I bowed, and said, "Thank you, Sensei."

He returned it with a short bow, and replied, "Thank you, 
Mitchell. It's been a rare privilege to teach you."

We drank our tea in silence for long minutes. Seeing me deep in 
thought, he said, "Mitchell, this is not _goodbye_. My door is 
open anytime. I know you want to continue your studies and I'll 
be glad to help. You still need to practice more to be 
comfortable with what you have learned today, and I would like to 
see you practice Kenjutsu at the level you can."

"Yes, Sensei. I wish to continue. Thank you for your kind offer."

"Mitchell, that's the least I can do. But always remember, and 
recognize your limits. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I thought about his question. I wasn't scared of what I had found 
in the Void, not anymore, but, I wasn't sure if I would seek it, 
even in Tai Chi. I knew I had to seek it in Kenjutsu, to make 
progress, but I had more trouble with Kenjutsu. When I explained 
my thoughts, Sensei nodded his agreement.

"Yes, Mitchell. I was expecting that, and that's why I had to 
warn you about frustration. You may not feel comfortable to seek 
the Void, even when practicing Tai Chi, but know that it's there, 
when you need it. Tell me Mitchell, is it because you think its 
purity and clarity is almost absolute that you're concerned 
you'll be corrupted by it?"

"Yes, Sensei. Or the temptation to use it might become 
irresistible."

"I understand, Mitchell. Remember that it's a mental technique, a 
discipline, like centering yourself, but it is beyond the other 
techniques. That is the only difference. You don't need to use it 
or continue practicing that, if you feel uncomfortable. As I 
said, it will give you an edge, when you need it. You know about 
timing, and you know how to be in the moment. Those are all you 
need. You should by now, know that your awareness is on a 
different level. You have come a long way, Mitchell. And, that 
makes me happy."

_I guess, I did... from that little scared and hurt boy to a 
confident and calm teenager._



 . . . .



I was nine years old, when I had seen him practicing the strange 
_thing_ in the ballpark. It was late afternoon, all the kids had 
left the school several hours ago, and I was still carrying the 
bruises of my last encounter with one of the school bullies. The 
physical hurt wasn't that bad. Once I got over the initial pain 
of a punch or two, they were reduced to an uncomfortable 
throbbing. And, the burning anger helped reduce the hurt to the 
point where I didn't feel much of the pain. I was sick and tired 
of feeling helpless, but as a nine year old, without many 
physical attributes, I didn't stand a chance against some of the 
more developed or older kids. After a few brawls, I wasn't even 
scared. I just wanted to pay back, for once, for the humiliation 
of losing the fights, not for the physical hurt.

Seeing this strange guy go through some complex sequence of moves 
with eerie slowness, I headed for one of the benches to watch 
what he was doing. I had no idea what it was he was doing, but 
after a while, just watching him, I forgot all my worries and 
hurt. I felt a calm that I hadn't felt for a long time. After he 
finished, he walked to me, and sat down on the same bench, and we 
talked. I was interested in knowing what he was doing, and he was 
concerned about how I looked. Once I learned what a martial art 
was and what he was practicing, my first question had been, if he 
knew Karate. When he replied he did, my second question had been 
if he would teach me, which he refused. However, he offered to 
teach me Tai Chi, what I had seen him practicing. When I didn't 
show an interest, he told me it would help more than Karate 
would. I couldn't see how Tai Chi would help, and he asked me 
what I had to lose by giving it a try. To make it more 
interesting, he suggested that after a year of Tai Chi practice, 
he would reconsider my request about Karate. He asked me if I 
understood what he was proposing. When I replied that he wasn't 
making a promise, but I might get a chance to learn Karate after 
a year, he smiled.

One year seemed so long, almost like an eternity--well, what nine 
year old wouldn't think one year was an eternity?--but in the 
end, there was the possibility of learning Karate. And, I didn't 
have anything to lose; it was going to take time. He wanted to 
take me home and talk with my parents, but I told him he could 
forget our deal. This was between him and me. In the end, he 
promised that he wouldn't talk about my problems with other kids. 
He would tell my parents that we had met in the ballpark, and I 
was interested in learning and he was interested in teaching me.

That was the beginning of a journey of self discovery. I put all 
my energy to learning Tai Chi, and at times Sensei had to slow me 
down, without curbing my enthusiasm. Initially, all I could think 
of was the next year. After the first three months, he lectured 
me about right and wrong attitudes, and warned me about my 
reasons for following the training. Of course, he knew I wanted 
to pay back the bullies that tormented me. When I didn't get what 
he was trying to tell me, he asked if I liked any animals. I 
always liked dogs as pets, although I had never had one as a pet. 
One day, he took me to a center where they kept stray dogs. I saw 
dogs being trained for later sale to families, and a few that 
actually got sold that day. Then he showed me some of the dogs 
that were aggressive, almost wild. He explained that those dogs 
were dangerous and un-trainable. When I asked what happened with 
them, he told me they were put to sleep.

I was young, but I understood the dogs were being killed. Then he 
took me to a room where they put the dogs to sleep. There was a 
wild dog struggling, trying to bite the guys holding it, while a 
doctor (veterinarian) was preparing a syringe for injecting the 
animal. Sensei asked me to touch the dog, and feel his heartbeat, 
after which he took me out of the room. A few minutes later we 
entered the room again and the dog was lying motionless on the 
table. When I touched the animal, I couldn't feel the heartbeat. 
That room left me uneasy.

When we were back at Sensei's house, he prepared tea, and we 
talked about what I had seen. He took his time to draw the 
parallels between the wild dogs, the bullies at school, and my 
anger, and what I could do. He explained how the other dogs that 
were sold (after being trained) made their owners and their kids 
happy. Finally, I began to understand what he was trying to tell 
me. He took me to a training room, and got me to expel all my 
frustration and anger on a punch bag. Once I was out of breath 
and tired, we took a break, while he explained the calm and peace 
I could find in Tai Chi. After that, he started doing the 
exercises, letting me watch, and I remembered the first day I had 
seen him practice, and the calm I had felt. When he finished, he 
asked me to join in, and that was a new experience, and a new 
start.

My studies took me several months, but the anger was still there 
at times, especially when I couldn't avoid an encounter with the 
bullies. My sensei was teaching me how Tai Chi could be used for 
defense, and one day, during an encounter with one of the 
bullies, I used my newly acquired knowledge, effectively. Once I 
had him on the ground, my anger took over, and I kicked him; my 
humiliation of all the brawls and teasing I had endured taking 
over me, and finding an outlet. After that point, I wasn't using 
my knowledge, but was yelling, and shouting and threatening him, 
while I sat on his chest and kept on punching him. He was trying 
to protect himself from my wild attack. When I expelled all my 
anger, I stood up, while he laid there cowering. Luckily I didn't 
hurt him badly, but I realized I had been like a rabid dog, 
viciously attacking. I remembered my visit to the dog center, and 
what Sensei and I had talked about after that visit. I needed to 
see and tell him about what I had done. I dreaded telling him 
about the incident, but I didn't know who else I could talk to 
about what I had done.

One look at me and he knew what I had done. His eyes darkened, as 
he gave me a sad look. He prepared tea, and I told him about the 
incident.

"Why did you tell me what you did, Mitchell?"

"I don't know who else I can talk to. I need help. I don't want 
to be a rabid dog."

"So you remember your visit to the dog center?"

I nodded.

"Did you enjoy hurting him?"

"I don't know... I think I did. I was angry. He hurt me many 
times."

"So you think he deserved it?"

"I-I... Didn't he? He hurt me many times before today."

"Yes, he did hurt you. Tell me. If he tries to hurt you again, 
what will you do?"

"I don't think he'll try again."

"Probably. But let's assume he came after you... what will you 
do?"

"I will fight, but... I don't want to hurt him... Like I did 
today."

"Why is that, Mitchell? He still wants to hurt you."

"He may want to, but he can't. Not anymore. I won't allow that."

"You don't want revenge? You don't want to punish him?"

"It's not right. He was bigger than me and he beat me. I didn't 
like being hurt. Today I beat him, and I know he didn't like it. 
I'm not him. I didn't want the fight. He's like a rabid dog, but 
I don't want to be a rabid dog. Today, I became a rabid dog."

"Yes, you did. For a while. Let's get back to him; he's a rabid 
dog. Don't you want him put to sleep?"

"He's not a dog. He's a kid."

"Assume he's an animal, Mitchell. Just a rabid dog. Wouldn't you 
put the rabid dog to sleep?"

"I rather have the dog in a cage, where he can't hurt anybody. I 
didn't like what they did in the center."

He was quiet for a long time, and kept his gaze locked on me, as 
he seemed to mull something in his mind. Then he resumed his 
questions.

"Let's assume you're on the street, and there is a rabid dog. You 
have a stick. The dog chases you. What would you do?"

I thought about his question, given the new scenario, wondering 
about what I could do in such a situation.

"I don't know, Sensei."

"You don't know?"

"I can run away, or use the stick to keep him away."

"Yes. Interesting choices, aren't they?"

"Which one is the right choice, Sensei?"

"Sometimes, there are no right answers. Can you see that, 
Mitchell?"

"I'm not sure I understand, Sensei. How can there be no right 
answers?"

"Think about your options, Mitchell. Think about why you would 
choose one over the other."

"If I run away, and the dog can't catch me, I'm not in danger. If 
I can't run away, I have to use the stick. That's what I did with 
him most of the time, if I could; run away. When he caught me, he 
used to beat me. Now, I could face him, if I have to."

"Yes, Mitchell. There is one point you have to remember. Even 
when you use the stick, you could still get hurt, while trying to 
keep the dog away. In any confrontation that is a possibility. 
Avoiding confrontation is better. Most of the time. There are 
times, however, when confrontation is inevitable. Even then, one 
must do anything in his power to avoid confrontation. But, once 
you are into a confrontation, then you do what you can and need 
to do to survive. That is a survival trait each of us carry with 
us. Martial arts give you tools. They teach you how to survive, 
and a discipline to use those tools. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Sensei."

"Good. The arts also teach how to avoid confrontation. We haven't 
touched them yet, but we will. It helps you to deal with 
confrontation, and combat. Mitchell, this is very important. You 
have learned some skills. When you used them, you had beaten a 
kid that was bigger and older than you. They gave you an 
advantage over his size and age. But, there's a responsibility 
that comes with this knowledge. You cannot use the tools 
indiscriminately. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Sensei. It is like.. when he used his age and size to beat 
me. He used it for no reason at all."

"Very good, Mitchell. And you understand that's what made him a 
rabid dog, and what will make you a rabid dog! Without the 
discipline, it's easy to use those tools indiscriminately. There 
will be times, the temptation will be very strong. Do you 
understand temptation, Mitchell?"

"I'm not sure, Sensei."

"Let's say you're in a candy store. The owner is at the back, and 
there's nobody around. You see your favorite candy in the jar. 
You want the candy, but you don't have money. Since there's 
nobody around, you can take the candy and leave the store. Nobody 
will know it. Would you?"

"But that's stealing. It's wrong."

"Yes, it is. But you want the candy, Mitchell. It's your favorite 
candy, and you want it. Nobody will know if you take a few 
pieces."

"Yes, but... it's still wrong."

"Yes, it is, Mitchell. Wanting that candy is not wrong, but 
acting on that want, and stealing is wrong. That want will tempt 
you to steal it."

"Yes, I understand, Sensei."

"Mitchell, we are talking about stealing candy that you want, but 
there are many things in life that you will want. As you grow up, 
your wants will be different. There will be many different 
temptations. One of them will be the temptation to fight somebody 
you dislike or somebody that is trying to hurt you. The more 
skills you learn, the better you'll be able to beat your 
opponent, so you might be tempted to beat a person to settle an 
argument, rather than find another solution. Want, jealousy, 
anger, fear, and many other feelings will confuse you, cloud your 
judgment, and lead you into temptation. You might want to have 
your own way, take what you want, overcome obstacles in your way, 
using these tools, especially if you don't think about right or 
wrong. Sometimes, things are not as simple as in the candy 
example--you knew stealing is wrong. And, there will be times, 
you might be confused about what is right or wrong, or have no 
clear answers to those questions. Do you understand?

"Yes. Sensei, I know stealing is wrong, but how do I deal with 
other situations? You tell me I will be confused by many things."

"Martial arts will teach you discipline, and will give you the 
tools to make you think clearly, to overcome the confusion. You 
enjoy doing your Tai Chi exercises, don't you? You feel calm and 
at peace when you're doing your exercises and you enjoy that 
feeling. In time you will learn to control your anger and other 
feelings, so that you don't get confused. It will take time and 
practice, but you already know that by now. Tell me, Mitchell. Do 
you still want to learn Karate?"

"I wanted to learn Karate, because I thought I could use it to 
beat him," I confessed, feeling apprehensive, but he nodded me to 
continue. "But I already beat him with Tai Chi. I don't know if I 
need to learn Karate. I know I enjoy Tai Chi, _very much_."

"I know that you started to enjoy Tai Chi, as I hoped you would. 
Do you want to continue Tai Chi, because you've seen what it can 
do?"

"Yes... but... I want to learn what you told me about. I don't 
want to be a rabid dog. I think, when the time comes, I can learn 
Karate the way I'm learning about Tai Chi."

"Yes, Mitchell. There are many forms of martial arts. We will 
examine them in time. I want you to remember this conversation 
and what you learned from today's incident. That will help along 
the way to deal with temptation, and help you understand the 
essence of martial arts and its teachings. Remember that there 
are right ways and wrong ways of doing things. Remember also you 
have options. Look for them, and you'll find them. In time, 
you'll come to see options, possibilities where there were none 
before. Martial arts are a lifelong study and a continuous 
learning experience, Mitchell. Never forget that."



* * * * *



As I was walking back home, my mind was still busy with the past, 
memories of Sensei and my studies. It had been quite a few years 
since I had thought about Sensei. I had kept up with Kenjutsu for 
some time under Sensei's tutelage, but eventually, decided to 
stop. I had experimented with the Void, but had been reluctant to 
seek it, even when practicing Tai Chi. I had known all along my 
heart hadn't been in Kenjutsu. My sensei had been right to warn 
me.

Thinking back over the last several years, I could also see I had 
thrown aside some of the teachings. I should have realized long 
ago that I was too lost in my heart-breaking love for her. The 
emptiness she left had scared me, because it had seemed too much 
like the emptiness in the Void. They were very different but, 
lost in my pain and hurt, I had been confused, and had turned my 
back on most of my training. Almost to the point of rejecting 
some of the teachings.

I wasn't sure, yet, but I suspected now that I had perhaps blamed 
my failure on my training, and blamed myself for being a complete 
failure, when the training didn't help me deal with my lost love. 
The anger I had directed at myself, the anger I had used to fill-
up the emptiness inside (which was still there) may have had 
sprung from disappointment with my failed attempts to cope with 
the emptiness, and resentment at my training when I had not been 
able to find any answers. But, failure was always a possibility. 
Martial arts don't give you all the answers. Sometimes there are 
no answers.

I should have known better. I needed to look into these questions 
and find the answers. Yet, for some reason, I dreaded seeking the 
answers. Was it because I was scared to find out how far from the 
path I had fallen? I shook my head to clear the dark thoughts. 
But of course, that didn't help. I decided to take my time and 
attack the questions with patience. This could not be rushed. 
Once I had some answers, perhaps I would be able to deal with 
her, Dana, my family and my friends. A year ago, unknowingly, 
Pops had given me a partial key, but I had not been able to use 
what he had given me to full effect. Now, Dana had helped with 
her love. She didn't know it, even I hadn't known it at the time, 
but her love had been a catalyst. I could see that, now. My 
subconscious had probably recognized it before I had. Perhaps, 
that's why I had felt such a bond with Dana. Were my feelings for 
her based on gratitude or was it love?

I thought about my feelings, and every time I came up with the 
same answer. I loved her. There was no question about it. There 
was gratitude, but my love for Dana was beyond that gratitude. 
Was I in love with her? I couldn't say. I needed more time to dig 
into that question and understand my feelings. I probably had to 
complete my own personal journey first, before I could commit 
myself to anybody. Whenever I did commit, I wanted to give my 
very best, but I wasn't at my best yet. Now, I could see that. It 
had been at the back of my mind, but now, it was obvious. Was 
this another reason why I had not wanted to be around people who 
loved me, family and friends? Perhaps.

I needed to know how far I had strayed from my path, my course, 
before I could complete my journey. What's more, I had to find 
out what journey I was going to take and if it was the right 
journey, for the right reasons. It looked like a very complex, 
almost an insurmountable task and for a moment I panicked, before 
forcefully reminding myself, every journey started with a simple, 
single step, and built upon similar steps along the way. Hadn't I 
started with Tai Chi in the same way, without knowing what I was 
getting myself into, except wanting to get the chance to learn 
something else, and for all the wrong reasons?



* * * * *


(continued in next part, 4/5)
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