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From: "dai_wakizashi" <dai_wakizashi@hotmail.com>
Subject: {ASSM} Crowds by dai_wakizashi
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Date: Sat, 22 May 2004 11:10:02 -0400
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Title: Crowds
Chapter: intro
Author: dai_wakizashi
Codes: rom, drama, suggested MFF (codes will be updated later)
Status: in progress!


kindly,
Dai

<1st attachment, "crowds.txt" begin>







Title: Crowds
Chapter: intro
Author: dai_wakizashi
Codes: rom, drama, suggested MFF (codes will be updated later)
Status: in progress!


***************************************************************************


STANDARD DISCLAIMER

The following piece of fiction is intended as ADULT  entertainment. It 
contains material of an adult, explicit, SEXUAL nature. If you are offended 
by sexually explicit content or language, please DO NOT read any further.

All characters in this story are fictitious, any similarity to  any 
persons, places, individuals or situations is purely coincidental. The 
author does not necessarily condone or endorse any of the activities 
described in this story.

This story MAY NOT be reproduced in any form for profit without the written 
permission of the author, dai_wakizashi (dai_wakizashi*AT*hotmail.com). 
This story MAY be freely distributed with this disclaimer attached.

Copyright 2004 dai_wakizashi. All rights reserved.

***************************************************************************


NOTE and WARNING

This is a short story that will later be expanded into a 
series. So, you can call it the intro chapter (if you will), and the later 
portions will be posted when they are available, however it stands on its 
own as a short story. With the open ending, the readers can draw their own 
conclusions (for the time being). It's a bit moody and dark, and it might 
not be everyone's cup of tea, however it sets up the plot, and "what-if" I 
want to investigate, so bear that in mind.

Anonymous feedback can be given via: 
                        http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/dai_wakizashi/www/contact.htm
***************************************************************************




Crowds
by dai_wakizashi copyright 2004



The party was finally getting into full swing. I was still playing the part 
of the hostess, milling around, talking with friends and acquaintances. I 
was in a small group with Mike and Jewel -dear friends from college, and 
now a happily married couple-, laughing at the dirty joke Jewel was 
telling, when I noticed him.

_Now, there is a face you rarely see!_

He must have been here for a while, as he already had a half-finished glass 
of whisky in one hand. I excused myself, making my way to Jim.

"Hi there, stranger," I said to him, wondering why I sounded so chipper.

"Hi El," he replied with a gruff voice, without taking his eyes off the 
scrolls inside the glass display stand. He straightened his back as if 
collecting himself, then looked at me.

I wondered -again- why he seemed to carry the weight of whole world on his 
shoulders.

_Some things never change... some people?_

Was that it? I wasn't sure. I never was when it came to Jim. No, that 
wasn't it. He wasn't a person who shrank from the world or problems; he 
just seemed to be... of late... He always had a somber countenance, but he 
was easy to talk to. You wouldn't call him an extrovert, but neither was he 
shy, especially when you drew him into a conversation; full of insight with 
delightful comments. Always the quiet type, his smile was a bit reserved, 
although it reached his eyes every time he did smile. I knew it was genuine 
whenever he did that. He had a way of relaxing the people around him. That 
did not take anything from his appeal, which was surprising considering...

Considering what, Ellie? His intensity? The eyes that almost saw through 
your soul, or the gentle manner with which he treated all his friends, but 
especially his women? For a somber person he certainly has many friends. 
No, somber doesn't describe him. Reserved and quiet does.

The silence drew on, and it was getting uncomfortable when his expression 
changed into... -What? One of amusement, mirth?- There was an almost 
imperceptible twinkle in the eyes, questioning.

_The ball is in my court!_

I don't know what made me say it, when I quipped, "I didn't know you did 
parties."

_Oh, God! Where did that come from? After all these years, he could make me 
fluster. Why did I always try to come up with a line to shake him up? Was 
it because he always seemed dependable, an anchor?_

"You invited me," he responded. It wasn't offered as an answer, more like a 
remark -a half-statement left hanging there, a noncommittal observation- as 
if that explained all.

_The ball is back in my court. Again!_

True! I had invited him, knowing he would enjoy the party, and the 
collection of scrolls in the display case, next to my other acquisition; a 
300-year-old sword set. I had no interest in weapons. Well, not exactly. I 
had a passing interest, but the purchase was an afterthought, unlike the 
haiku scrolls. I had seen a similar set at his house -in the basement that 
was setup as a dojo- so I knew he would appreciate this collector's item, 
more than anybody else would.

I was mulling his words in my mind trying to come up with a reply, I almost 
missed his next words.

"You know I don't care for crowds," he said, letting me off the hook. 
However, my relief was short lived. "You should know that after all this 
time, El. I never cared for the crowds."

Yeah, I should have known. I knew it. What did I expect from Jim, the guy 
who didn't attend the high school prom, or the college graduation party? I 
always thought it was because he didn't have a date -that's a laugh!- or he 
was going through one of his broken relationships, and didn't feel 
comfortable going stag. But, that wasn't Jim. He wouldn't balk at the idea 
of going together with me and my date. Never considered himself like a 
third wheel or felt like one. Besides, the memories of the occasions when I 
was invited into his bed together with his girl friends were never far from 
my mind. "Especially with Amber," I added mentally. No. He was comfortable 
with himself and those around him. 'As long as he was among friends,' I 
corrected myself, 'not with everyone!' And, he was solid...

_Still is, particularly in rough weather._

I knew that much about him, but at the same time, I felt I knew so little 
about him.

"I remember hearing three is never a crowd," I found myself saying 
reflexively; my mind not back from its stroll in the past... Amber... 
Jim... us...

_Nooo! What am I doing? What am I saying? Did it sound wistful?_

I wasn't sure how I sounded, and felt self-conscious.

"There are more than three here," he said, nodding towards the people with 
an almost amused tone, a small smile fading before it had time to form on 
his lips. He hesitated, as if weighing in something mentally, and continued 
in a contemplative mood. "Three, is always a crowd," he stated softly to 
take the sting out of his words.

_So he knew! Damn... Damn... Damn... And that hurt, you son of a bitch! 
Even if you didn't intend to hurt me, that still hurt! Amber... I... we 
never had to say the words to you... but all the same; it was a given... a 
law of nature._

"El," he said, his expression softening, his eyes clouding with... what? I 
couldn't read it, and it slipped past fast, as if it never was there. "It 
was," he said then paused.

_To reconsider... at a loss for what to say? How to say?_

"It was never about you... or Amber. Nobody was at fault. Of all people... 
Amber... you... no one was at fault, exce..." He took a breath, and said, 
"I hear you still see Amber. She must have told you."

_Yeah. Late Sunday brunches with Amber, talking about the past. So, why did 
he break up with Amber? They were good. We were good... as a trio... or a 
duo. On and off, ups and downs, it was always good. Why didn't he call her 
or me afterwards? Even Amber didn't have the answers._

Before I could respond, he broke in again, abruptly changing the subject. 
"I like these haikus. In particular, that one," he said, pointing to one of 
the scrolls with the Japanese ideograms, and a small card beneath the 
scroll with the translation.

I looked at the card, my eyes going over the neat script, but the words 
hardly registering:



     The next room's light
      that too goes out,
       and now- the chill of night

                Shiki (1867-1902)



I was preoccupied, trying to make some sense of what he was saying... or 
not saying... We both stood there, the silence dragging on, weighing on 
heavily. I tried to gather my courage, before asking the question. I didn't 
want to, but I needed to know. I needed to know!

"Two was... two is... a crowd," I said, faltering -what little courage I 
had deserting me- and the words coming out as a remark instead of a 
question. Somehow, I managed to add, "as well?" to the end of it, to turn 
it around to... a question... an accusation... what? I don't know... I 
didn't know how it sounded.

To my surprise, he wasn't taken aback, but a tightening around his eyes 
showed he wasn't expecting that. I wondered what the hell I was thinking -
and not for the first time!-

_This night isn't going well!_

First, he showed up when I thought he would ignore the invitation, as he 
did so often in the last six months.

_And that is strange, come to think of it. He never shied away from his 
friends, even when there were fights or break-ups... and crowds be damned! 
So, why is he avoiding his friends? Amber is still a friend. And me? I 
think so!_

Then I chose that stupid opening line about parties, and it was downhill 
from that moment on.

_Think, Ellie. Think! Get a hold of yourself!_

He shifted uneasily on his feet, as if trying to distance himself from the 
moment. His eyes swept around, his gaze settling on the swords; taking in 
the cradle, and the scabbards with an intense scrutiny, and his eyes 
clouded again, impenetrable. He set his glass on the small table next to 
the display stand, and reached to take the shorter of the two. With his 
left hand on the scabbard close to the blade guard, he pressed with his 
thumb against it to release the blade with a slight click -about half an 
inch-. With the other hand on the hilt, he pulled until 4-5 inches of the 
blade cleared the scabbard.

Inspecting the polished steel and the cutting edge in the reflected light, 
he said, "I didn't know you collected swords." After a long pause, he 
asked, with a pensive -almost distant- voice, "Did you know that the 
Japanese use the wakizashi, this sword, for seppuku? Ritual suicide?"

_No I didn't, you bastard! Swords are your area of expertise. It was just 
an afterthought! Why don't you answer the fucking question?_

_Were we a crowd, too?_

I tried to calm myself down.

_This isn't the time to lose control or get hysterical, Ellie! Not when Jim 
is going through..._

_What? What the hell is going on with Jim? Never saw him this closed up 
before. He's usually reserved but this time there's something more._

I could almost feel a visible shield around him that kept expanding and 
contracting; coming out in waves.

"No, I didn't. It was on an impulse... an afterthought. They complement the 
haiku scrolls. Anyway, that's what I thought at the time." I replied, 
sighing with resignation, irritated that he was evading the question.

He mulled it over, before nodding in agreement. "Indeed. They do." He 
glanced at me with a soft expression, and said, "You always had an 
instinct... an insight for these things." Then, he carefully slid the blade 
back into the scabbard, before placing it in its cradle beneath the longer 
one.

He picked up his glass, slowly jiggling the remains of the whisky and the 
melting ice cubes, lost in thought. He was lifting the glass to his lips to 
take a sip, when he stopped half way, as if pricked by electricity. His 
eyes momentarily unfocused, distant... then he blinked them clear; his 
posture relaxing as if he had a revelation. He turned to look at me, his 
eyes clear as the still waters of a pool; taking me fully from head to toe 
as if memorizing. Finally, his gaze returned to my face, gently caressing 
me.

"There were times..." he started to say with an uncertain tone, "There were 
times, when three wasn't a crowd," he said, looking past me.

_Is that longing in his eyes? Or is he watching something in distant past?_

"And two is..." he paused, reconsidering. "Two was never a crowd," he 
concluded with a confident tone. "I should know!" His voice becoming 
stronger, steady. "As you should," he added, giving me a smile -a smile 
that did reach his eyes this time- that lingered, filling up the moment 
with warmth, before fading away. For a short spell, I had a fleeting 
image... an image of a half-moon breaking through the clouds before being 
swept behind them.

He jiggled the ice cubes in the glass one more time, his eyes returning to 
the glass to watch the cubes roll around, contemplative. Then stopped 
playing with the glass, and set it on the table with deliberation -as if 
that simple act with its decisiveness would stop whatever was running in 
his mind-.

Turning to me, he reached with his fingertips to caress my eyebrows, moving 
the loose strands of hair to the side. Taking a step close, he leaned to 
give a soft lingering kiss on my lips, before pulling me to his chest. His 
arms wrapped around me, and my body molded to his. Our bodies responding 
unconsciously as if propelled by... perhaps by muscle-memory... imprinted 
by an act repeated countless times... Did I care?

_I missed you... I miss you... I miss this... You did not miss me?_

As I rested my head against his chest, I felt him smell the fragrance of my 
hair. Giving me soft kisses from top of my head down to my forehead, he 
said, "Ellie, it's not what you think. It never was." He held me tight for 
a moment as if to punctuate his meaning, before relaxing his hold.

"Some things... just end," he said with a resigned, almost tired voice. I 
felt his shoulders sag as he continued, "And some things... start..."

"Somewhere else," he added, too softly to hear, and for a moment I almost 
imagined I heard the words.

_Then what was it? What is it? Tell me. Please... just tell me... or don't! 
Just... just hold me!_

Then he released me from his arms and stepped back -my body reeling from 
his touch, the memory of it persistent-. Instinctively I crossed my arms -
my body already missing the contact it hungered for so long-.

He turned to read the particular haiku scroll, then took another look at 
the swords. I was drawn to his eyes that took on a strange hue... a 
glitter... I couldn't help myself but compare them to the embers of a dying 
coal fire that briefly glow when they catch a gust of wind... the image 
filling me with unease, chilling me for some unknown reason.

_Is there a draught here... somewhere?_

Finally, his eyes returned back on me one more time; his back stiffened a 
fraction as if coming to a decision. "Ellie, it was good to see you, and 
thank you, for inviting me," he said, before turning to leave.

_There it is again. What is that? Distancing himself... pulling inside?_

_I know I was confused by his mood swings._

_Are they mood swings? Come on Jim, what's going on? We're old friends. You 
never said anything to Amber, and you're not saying anything to me. This 
isn't you! You were always up front, even during the fights and arguments._

I was still going over the whole conversation and his words in my mind, 
when he hesitated before taking another step. I didn't know what came over 
him, as he turned halfway on his heels, his eyes seeking me but catching 
the scrolls and the swords first, his attention briefly held by them. I saw 
his lips tighten for a moment, and his jaws clench for a split second as if 
recalling a painful memory, before he made a conscious effort to relax them 
taking a deep breath. Finally, he looked at me, his eyes dark pools, 
intense, as he tried to soften his expression, letting his breath out 
slowly.

"I never admitted it to anyone. But, sometimes, Ellie," he said. Then 
barely above a whisper, he added, "sometimes, one is a crowd."

He turned, and quickly walked away.



End(?)



-----

Copyright 2004 dai_wakizashi. All rights reserved.

web-site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/dai_wakizashi/www/index.htm

-----
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