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Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} The Silver Clitorides Awards, 2004, January
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Date: Wed, 25 Feb 2004 15:10:05 -0500
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Title: The Silver Clitorides Awards, 2004, January
Part: 1 of 2004
Universe: The Silver Clitorides Awards
Summary: The Silver Clitorides Awards are a monthly adjunct to the
Golden Clitorides Awards. Their object is to promote good stories
and good authors.
Keywords: Stories, Links, Awards
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The January 2004 Silver Clitorides Awards Presentation
Welcome, all, to the first presentation of the Silver Clitorides
Awards for 2004. Join us here at the Highland Games and Celtic
Festival in the beautiful green countryside of...
...Gatlinburg, Tennessee?
"Okay, why are we here?" Gary's Muse asks. "Your ancestors were
French-Canadian, as I recall, and German on the Texas side."
Keeping his voice down, Gary motions in the general direction of a
hulking bruiser of a man. "That's my boss. Call him 'Fitz.' I had
to be here anyway to show solidarity and cheer the home team." The
man has just released a chain with a large weight at the end, to
soar over a bar. Gary claps politely.
"I see. He likes to play with his stones?"
Gary nods. "But his favorite event is when he tosses his caber."
Muse giggles. "That sounds like a typical Scotsman."
"Not so loud!" Gary looks around. "Anyway, it's a Celtic Festival,
too. Half these folks are of Irish descent. The podium is set up by
the dancers." He points to a line of wee bonnie red-heads in
authentic garb doing some sort of intricate footwork, hands at their
sides. "I'll announce this month's winner after the caber-toss."
Gary, his Muse, and a number of the authors and fans gather to watch
grown men toss telephone poles end-for-end. Less than half of them
make the cut, actually turning over before they settle. Finally,
Fitz takes a turn. The helpers walk the pole vertical, and he
manages to get it resting in his cupped hands. He takes a few steps
into a squat, and rises up as the pole begins to tilt forward, using
his entire body to give the bottom end the necessary momentum to
continue over the top. He hurls the caber...
...along with his kilt, some part of which must have gotten between
his hands and the base of the caber. The crowd is momentarily
stunned. After all, how often do you see a man in a skimpy tartan
thong? But the authors are a supportive lot. In moments, a dozen
more kilts rise into the air, to land on the grass. Kind of a
supportive "Highland Fling," as it were. Oh, and the caber turned,
so Gary's boss is in the medals.
Gary and his Muse stifle laughter as they head for the podium. "I
predict interesting stories around the coffee station for the next
week or two," Muse said. The authors and fans begin to gather
around.
"If I can have your attention, lads and lassies and so forth, we'll
make this announcement brief," Gary begins. A titter stirs the crowd
at the last word. Behind him, one of those wee bonnie red-heads
peers over his shoulder and sees the Certificate Suitable For
Framing. The moves she bursts into seem less like a Celtic dance
than Snoopy's Happy Dance.
"The winner of the Silver Clitorides Award for the Best Story of the
month of January, 2004 is Scouting by Alexis Siefert.
"Congratulations, Alexis! And well done to all the nominees and
finalists. Now, go enjoy the Haggis!"
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Story Author Status
________________________________________________________
Amarillo by Morning Heathen Nominee
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/heathen/www/song/amarillo.htm
Birds of A Feather Ann Douglas Nominee
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Ann_Douglas/www/birds.html
Fast Forward Number 6 Nominee
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/number_6/www/fastforward.html
Four and a Half Uther Pendragon Finalist
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Uther_Pendragon/www/brennan/half.htm
Louise's New House JeansWeb_UK Nominee
http://www.geocities.com/jeansweb_uk/stories2.htm
Lucky Family Frank McCoy Nominee
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Frank_McCoy/www/lukyfmly.zip
Ocean Mists Dryad Finalist
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Dryad/www/oceanmist.html
Rain harriet Nominee
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/harrietsplace/www/Rain.htm
Ridiculous Number 6 Nominee
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/number_6/www/ridiculous.html
Scouting Alexis Siefert Winner
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Alexis_S/www/Alexis___2.htm
Solo Camping Lawrence David Nominee
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/LawrenceDavid/www/stories/html/solocamp01.html
Stuck in the Storeroom Rod Ramsey Nominee
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Ramsey/Storeroom.txt
Teacher's Conference MsTyreeGrl Nominee
http://storiesonline.net/
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