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Subject: {ASSM} wheel twuboo
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<1st attachment, "twuboo.txt" begin>
This is copyrighted. This is so copyrighted. International
copyrighted. Galactic copyrighted. Frigging universal
copyrighted, signed at the bottom copyrighted. This is so
copyrighted you can only read it once and you have to squinch
your eyes up so its blurry. Even if you read it (once) you are
forbidden to reproduce. This means you. I mean it.
Copycopycopyrighted. I mean it. -TM
Wheel Twuboo
Tilpondarius Dedonde Manaday
"Peter and Tracy are breaking up," Jan announced from the
kitchen when I got home from work. "And its your fault." Tracy
was my little sister; Peter was Jan's older brother.
I left my briefcase by the door and went to the kitchen, kissing
Jan on the cheek. I was hoping for a quiet evening, a rented
movie, maybe even a slow, indulgent cookie dipping. I should have
known better. "My fault? Why?"
Jan was apparently cleaning vegetables in the sink. That is, she
was shaving a carrot into something that looked sharp and deadly.
"Tracy thinks Peter's gay, and that he has a terrible crush on
you."
"No kidding. It's a shame it's not Tracy. She's a cutie, even if
she is related. If she had a crush on me, our marriage would be
in trouble."
Jan nudged me with an elbow as Tracy came out of the bathroom,
pushing the auburn curls back from her face.
"Shoot, Tracy, I'm sorry."
"'S'okay," she smiled. "At least somebody still wants me."
"Tracy is staying with us until Peter gets straightened out."
I sighed. "Okay, sure. Listen, Tracy, let me take you up to the
bedroom and apologize properly."
"Don't even," Jan warned, but Tracy giggled, her eyes lighting
up. I should have known then; Tracy was my sister. Her eyes never
lit up.
"So Peter is gender confused. How is this my fault?"
Jan and Tracy exchanged an odd sureptitious look, then Tracy
shrugged- making her breasts bounce, to be sure- "Peter said your
penis is bigger than his. He's been talking about it a lot.
First, he wanted me to try you out, even if it was incest. I
mean, you and me being brother and sister. Then he wanted you
both to do me. You know, back-door, front-door. Today I realized
I was just in the way and he was in love with you."
"Peter is a doofus," I said. Tracy wasn't too bright either,
even if she was my sister.
Tracy nodded, her brown eyes a bit vacant. "Sure he is, but I
still love him." She paused. "Are you really bigger than him?"
"Much bigger," I said. "Poor Jan is sore for days."
"I am not," Jan said. "Men always exaggerate, Tracy. He's not a
fraction over nine inches."
"Really!" Tracy's eyes went wide.
"And it belongs to me," Jan added.
"Oh, of course," Tracy said. "I wouldn't dream of sleeping with
Bill. At least, not without your permission. Not even fellatio.
Or my behind, even if that's not proper sex." A couple more brain
cells fired. "Anyway, I'm married." She blinked. "And he's my
brother, all nine inches."
"Bill, will you help me a moment in the laundry room?" Jan
asked.
"Sure, hon."
"You two are going have sex, aren't you?" Tracy pouted.
"I hope so," I said.
"Can I watch?"
"No." Jan frowned.
"Peter is eight and a half. Eight and three quarters if you
measure it right. But he has a foreskin, and he's really thick
around. Are you?"
"Like a beer can. Listen for Jan's screams."
"I don't scream. You know I don't scream."
"She gurgles," I told Tracy, giving her a thumbs up. Jan
scowled.
"Tracy has the remote," Jan said in the laundry room.
"So. Your kid brother is over eight inches, thick, foreskin.
Have you ever considered doing him?"
Jan, to my surprise, flushed and shivered. "Suck it," she said.
"I mean stop it. Tracy has the remote. You know what that means."
I sighed. "I suspected. I really hoped we could rent a movie and
have a pizza delivered."
"Do you really want to have sex with Tracy?" Jan asked softly.
"Your own sister?"
"She's incredibly sexy. Do you want your brother?"
Jan swallowed. "Tracy wants to make love with me. She seems to
think if she and I get it on, that will make it easier for you
and Peter to be lovers."
"Then we can swap and I can have Tracy. You can make love with
your handsome brother."
Jan turned her back to me poutily and I came up behind her,
wrapping my arms around her waist, then slipping my hands higher.
Jan sighed and leaned back against me. She had her bra on, though
it was unfastened, and her generous nipples were already hard,
stiff as little lemons.
"You're as bad as Tracy," she murmured, squirming against me.
"But not as good."
"Tracy? She was groping you?"
"A little." Jan sighed. "A lot, okay?"
"I'm surprised at you. Isn't that like seducing a child?"
"She was doing it, not me. When we heard you come in the front
door, she went to the bathroom to wash my smell off her fingers."
Smell? I let my hands drift to her hips. "You're not wearing
panties?"
"She took them off."
"Of course," I said. "Hardcore lesbians that you both are."
"I don't know how it started. She knew where to touch. She has
the-the thing. What do you call it. At least I think so." People
somehow found it difficult to think about the remote when the
darn thing was turned on.
Jan squirmed around facing me. "We are not having sex in the
laundry room while your sister listens in the kitchen."
"Yes, we are," I said a bit urgently. It was probably my last
chance. I hitched her skirt up and lifted her tight- and bare-
behind onto the drier.
"Aren't." She crossed her arms over her breasts, which wasn't
where I was headed anyway.
"Are." I tried to undo my fly as she lifted her calves, leaning
back on her elbows.
"Shoot," Jan sighed, then quivered and glared. "She's pushing my
buttons. It's too late. Tracy!" she bellowed. "Bill's forcing
himself on me!"
Tracy let out a valkyrie squeak and came ramming into the
laundry room. She rammed me aside. "Out, get out!" she yelled,
and leaned between Jan's open thighs. Her lips opened and
fastened on Jan's little pink.
"Out," Jan said. Then she closed her eyes and gurgled.
I went back to the kitchen, and considered ordering a pizza. If
Tracy had the remote, she probably had it on her. Once, though,
she'd taped a bunch of buttons down and hidden it. It took two
days to find it.
The doorbell rang. It was Ted, Peter's black friend from work.
"Hey, Bill. Peter called. He said Tracy got hold of the remote."
He grinned shyly.
"Sure, come in, Ted. She's in the laundry room with my wife.
Maybe you can distract her long enough for me to get Jan loose."
"Thanks, Bill." Ted headed to the back of the house. I gave him
a couple minutes, then ambled back myself.
Ted was on his knees behind Jan; Jan was on her hands and knees
and naked; Tracy was sitting cross-legged beside them, happily
supervising their vigorous coupling.
"Hey, wait a minute, that's my wife you're shagging. My wife."
"She's good," Ted grunted, dragging a black log from her belly,
then stuffing it back in. Jan gurgled.
"Jan, stop that. What are you doing? Stop it, right now."
"In a couple minutes, hon. I'm busy right now."
"Couple minutes, nothing. I got lasting power," Ted said,
heaving himself into Jan again.
"Jan, you're screwing a complete stranger," I said.
"Busy," she said fiercely, the closed her eyes and gurgled as
Ted lifted her hips and thrust deeply, rolling his own pelvis
lightly against hers. Nice technique. Jan's pointed breasts
quivered with her orgasm. Tracy reached out and steadied them,
then kneaded Jan's nipples, grinning at me with a sort of
confused defiance.
"Say my name," Ted grunted.
"I don't know your name," Jan gurgled.
I smiled weakly and went back to the kitchen.
The next one at the door was Riley, the hypertrophied
neanderthaler paperboy.
"I suppose you want to bonk my wife too," I said, a bit sourly.
Riley hesitated, then smiled broadly. "You mean like in payment?
Sure. Hey, Ralph!" he shouted over his shoulder. "Come on in,
we're going to get laid."
"You mean Mrs. King is putting out? Hot damn, she's a fox!"
Ralph liked the idea even more than his brother.
Both brothers towered over me, dumb blonde testosterone mutants.
"Where is she?" Riley asked.
I sighed. "In the laundry room, through the kitchen."
Ralph paused. "Hey, Mr. King." he said. Then, "Listen, I guess I
get sloppy seconds, but you want me to suck you off while I
wait?"
"Looks like Ralph is gay," Riley said, smiling superciliously.
"I've always known it."
"Bi. I'm bi." Ralph looked indignant.
"Gay. He just says bi to reassure you of his intentions."
"My intentions are to bonk Mrs. King righteously."
"Seconds, though. He asked me first."
The two went towards the back of the house, arguing mildly. Then
Riley came back and handed me a slip of paper. "The reciept, for
the paper. And thanks, Mr. King. Your wife is a major babe. This
should be a real life experience."
"You should thank her, Riley."
"Right." He hesitated a moment longer. "And Mr. King? I'll get
the paper on the porch from now on. Really."
George Hall came over from next door. "My daughter and that cute
black friend of hers, Rosie, are going at it like lap dogs in the
living room. Fresh batteries?"
"Lap dogs?"
"Well, you know."
I shrugged and smiled weakly.
"Well, Rosie was all set to give me some sugar, but my daughter
got upset about that. Jealous, I suppose." George looked at me
expectantly.
I gestured. "In the laundry room, George. My sister Tracy is
there too,"
"Tracy?" He brightened.
"Sure. And George, don't be grabbing anyone's ears this time. I
mean that."
"No ears. Right." George pushed past me, then stopped. "That
last time? I just want you to know, I'm not gay. I'm not,
really."
"I understand, George. Watch the ears, okay?"
The doorbell rang. It was Peter, looking apologetic. "Tracy got
the remote."
"I figured that out."
"Yeah, she found the key to the safe deposit box in my tool box
in the garage. She's into this lesbian/ cheating wife thing this
time, as far as I can tell. When I came home from lunch she was
sandwiched between the neighbor and his wife. She's a little
miffed at me, I guess."
"Maybe she hit the cheating-lesbian-wife-who-hates-men button."
"Maybe," Peter allowed, then frowned. "Is there such a button?"
"Sure there is, down on the left. Look close. Hank had to write
small to get all those words in."
"Hank had some odd tastes."
"Traci said you were leaving her for me. That true?"
"No, of course not."
"You don't like cock?"
"I love Tracy."
"So you don't want to go down on me?"
"Sure. If you want."
"So you are going gay."
"Naw, not really. Bored, I guess. I don't know. We've done most
everything else, haven't we?"
"So you think Tracy hit the lesbian button? Or the homosexual
one? There's a difference, you know."
"I don't know. I really wish-"
There was a sort of gurgling, grunting wail from the laundry
room.
Peter sighed. The laundry room door flung open then, and a
procession of sex rambled out. First was Ted, naked, his big
black cock damp and bouncing. He was carrying Jan's ankles. Then
Riley, carrying her hips; Riley was stuffed into Jan to the hilt.
Then Jan, suspended, facedown, making the best of it. Her arms
were wrapped around Ralph's hips, and his cock was down her
throat. I wondered how she could breath; her face was flushed.
George walked along beside her, carrying her left breast
tenderly. At least he didn't have her ear. As the procession
humped and staggered past Peter and me, Jan lifted an arm from
Ralph's hips and gave us a thumbs up. She might have smiled, but
it was hard to tell with all that cock in her face.
Last was Tracy, who, ironically perhaps, was still dressed.
"Tongue cwamp," she said. "Westing it. Hi, hon. Can I scwew emm?"
"Sure, kitten," Peter said mildly. "Tell Ted I'll suck him if
he's fwee. Free."
"Okay. Affer I scwew im." The procession staggered into the
bedroom, Tracy shedding clothes like a cat sheds fur. She had an
enchanting body, all tanned and tight jiggle.
"I wonder why she asked permission. She's the one has the
whatchallit. That thing."
"You know, I'd be on Tracy in a heartbeat, even if she is my
sister. We've never done that."
"Yeah, and Jan," Peter said sadly. "I've fantasized about her
since she got boobs. You ever wonder why Hank didn't put an
incest button on the remote?"
"You ever see his sister?"
"Yeah, you're right. I never thought of that."
"Why don't we go down to the bar for a beer? There's a game on."
"I don't know, Bill. Don't you think we should be looking for
whatever it is?"
"It's that or suck each other, as I see it. You're starting to
look pretty fine."
"I am pretty fine," Peter said, then frowned. "Definitely the
homosexual button. We should be looking for it."
"For what, big fellah?"
"The remote. The remote."
"Oh yeah. Let's go down to the bar, outside its influence. And
they have beer there."
"Okay. We can drink to Hank's memory, and thank god he only made
one remote."
"Yeah. It's getting easy to see why the guy killed himself."
"And willed the remote to me. Hank never did like me much."
Susie, George Hall's little girl, and Rosie were wiggling up the
walk when Peter and I left. They weren't wearing much; blouses
and tennis shoes. I was fairly sure they were legal. As we turned
the corner at the end of the block, three police cruisers pulled
up to our house. I hated to see that; Jan always had bruises in
places women shouldn't have bruises when the cops showed up.
"Peter, wait a moment," I said. We both watched. Sure enough, a
couple news vans rolled up. That was okay, then. The cops were a
lot nicer when there were cameras. "Okay, let's go. Maybe we
should have several beers."
"Sounds good to me," Peter said. "When we get back we can look
for whatever it is we were supposed to look for."
<1st attachment end>
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