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From: "Kelli Halliburton" <kelli217@crosswinds.not>
Subject: {ASSM} The Birds Come Home to Roost, the Bees Have Built a Hive (slow, nosex, F-child, educ)
Date: Mon, 24 Nov 2003 00:10:04 -0500
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The Birds Come Home to Roost, the Bees Have Built a Hive
by Kelli Halliburton
(slow, nosex, F-child, educ)

PREFACE: This story assumes that somehow a child of unspecified gender and
orientation and indeterminate but pre-teen years has come into carnal
knowledge in a non-traumatic way and wishes to repeat the experience. This
causes the parental discussion to leap beyond the usual explanations of the
anatomical and kinesthetic aspects right to the hard questions.

"Why can't I have sex?"

"Because it's not fair."

"What do you mean it's not fair?"

"Because adults have been around longer than kids, they've learned more, and
so they are supposed to be responsible and not take advantage of those who
haven't learned as much."

"Huh?"

"You know how you're smarrt enough to trick some of the younger kids?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, an adult letting a kid have sex is like tricking them into doing it.
Just because it feels good doesn't mean you should do it. Candy tastes good
but a lot of candy makes you sick and can give you cavities if you don't
brush, right?"

"Yeah..."

"So, sex feels good but sex is also how babies are made, and babies are a
big job and you shouldn't make one until you can take care of one. And that
means being able to get a job where you can make enough money, and being old
enough to be patient when the baby cries all the time so they don't get mad
and hurt the baby trying to make it be quiet. And girls who have their
period can have babies, but if they're young they might be too little, and
carrying a baby can be too hard for them and it hurts them. And that's not
all. Having sex can make you sick, too. There are all sorts of germs you can
get from sex, and some of them can even kill you."

"Oh..."

"Yeah, and see, I know these things because I'm an adult. So if an adult let
you have sex even though they know these things and you don't, it's like
tricking you into doing something that can hurt you."

"But now I know, so it should be okay, right?"

"Well, not exactly. The problem is, when you're a kid, you don't always
worry about these things when you are having fun. I told you about candy
making you sick before but you didn't really understand me until you ate all
that Halloween candy that time and got sick, remember?"

"Yeah..."

"And so if you're doing sex-type stuff but not quite sex, you might be
having too much fun to worry about the stuff I just told you, and you might
go ahead and have sex and not think about it until it's too late, and then
you would have made a baby you can't take care of or maybe gotten sick, or
even both."

"If I made a baby, couldn't you take care of it? You're a grownup and you
took care of me."

"If that happened, I would take care of it or maybe help find a nice family
that can't have kids who can raise it, but that's a big job and it's not
nice to make other people have to fix the problems you made. That's why when
you broke the lamp I made you sweep up the pieces, carry the new one from
the store to the car and from the car to the house, put the lampshade on,
put the light bulb in, and plug it in all by yourself and even made you pay
for it out of your allowance, remember?"

"Yeah. That was hard. But it felt good to do all that myself, too."

"And I did that so that you would understand that when you make problems you
need to fix them yourself. If you made a baby I would help you the same way
I helped by driving you to the store and picking out the lamp and paying at
the register, just helping do the things you really can't do yourself."

"So, what about kids my age?"

"I would still worry about you having too much fun to worry about what could
happen, especially you would both be kids and so not even one of you would
think about the bad things that could happen. I don't think it's a good
idea. And plus you probably know more now than most kids your age do, and so
then it would almost be like you tricking them into having sex."

"What about older kids that know as much about sex?"

"They're bigger than you, and if they know you like sex they may try to not
just trick you, but force you into having sex even when you don't want to.
Plus even though they might know as much about sex, they might know other
ways to fool you into doing things that might be bad for you."

"Okay... *sigh* well, what about if I tell some kids my age about what I
know?"

"You still might start having too much fun to worry about the bad stuff."

"But Mom, I want to have sex and now you won't let me do it. It's not fair."

"I didn't say you couldn't have sex. I've just said you can't have sex with
other people."

"What do you mean?"

"It takes two people to make a baby, and for sex to make you sick, the other
person has to already be sick or you have to do it someplace dirty that you
can get the germs from. But there are ways to have sex that only take one
person."

"Huh?"

"It's called masturbation, and it means that you touch yourself with your
hands or with other objects to make you feel sex feelings. It's okay to
explore your body and find out what makes you feel good. It even helps make
you a better lover when you are old enough to have a partner."

"When will I be old enough to have a partner?"

"That's complicated. You know sex covers a lot of things. Really deep
kissing is like a warm-up for sex. And there's things like rubbing your
hands all over the outside of someone's clothes, and there's touching the
body underneath the clothes but not the genitals -- the sex parts. And then
there is touching the genitals under the clothes, and touching them without
clothes. And all the first things lead up to the later things. And all these
things lead up to actual sex. And there are even ways to have sex with
genitals and mouths. As young as you are, you might not like those very
much, because the tastes and smells are things you have to get used to
before you learn to like them -- and even love them. When you use your
mouth, you don't have to worry about babies, but you still have to worry
about getting sick."

"Why do people have sex if it makes them sick?"

"It doesn't always make them sick, just like eating candy doesn't always
make you sick, right?"

"Right. So if they just don't have too much sex, it won't make them sick?"

"I think I might be trying to make sex sound too much like candy. It's not
the amount of sex so much as the way you do it. There are some things you
can do to make sex safer, both to keep from having babies and to keep from
getting sick. You usually have to put some sort of barrier between your
genitals so that you don't get each other's sex juices into each other's
bodies. But it doesn't make sex perfectly safe, only a little safer, and you
have to be careful and know how to use them the right way or they won't work
right. And there are different ways to use them depending on if you're
having sex with your genitals only or with your mouths and genitals."

"Ew."

"See, I saw that face you made before. If you keep your body clean, and
always wipe and wash yourself very clean when you go to the bathroom, it's
not going to be disgusting to put your mouth down there. But if you're not
ready for it, then you shouldn't be doing it. In fact, that applies to any
other part of sex. If you don't want to do it, you shouldn't let someone
make you do it. EVER. If they try to force you, do whatever you can and
whatever you have to to make them stop. If they try to scare you, it's okay
to be scared and not be able to make them stop. But you need to tell me or
someone else you really trust, right away, because it's not right for them
to do that to you. And you should never try to do that to anyone else,
either. Also, don't ever say someone forced you or tried to force you if
they didn't. I don't care how mad you are at them, don't lie and say they
did something if they didn't. And never do it as a joke, either."

"You are starting to make sex sound scary."

"Sex is not scary. People using tricks or force to make you do things that
might hurt you, or do hurt you, are scary. Sex itself is a great way to
share feelings of love and closeness, and sometimes it's also just fun to
have those sex feelings in your body. And before I forget, it should be fun
for both partners. If you aren't sharing the fun making sure that your
partner is enjoying it, or if your partner isn't sharing and making sure you
are enjoying it, then it's not fair. It's okay for one partner to enjoy it a
*little* more than the other... that's just because two different people
aren't always going to feel the same way at the same time. But all the
things that lead up to sex like kissing and touching are an important part
of making both partners feel good about sex and good about each other, and
if you're both doing your part to make the other person feel good and you
both want to keep going even if one of you isn't feeling as good as the
other, then it's as fair as you can make it."

"So when do you think I'll be old enough?"

"When you can think about all these things even when you're really having
fun and having sex feelings with someone. That's the best answer I can give
you. Only when you are able to have sex and still think about your partner's
feelings and do the things to keep from getting sick or making a baby and
neither one of you is tricking the other and you have enough control to stop
when you want to stop or your parttner wants to stop... that's when you're
old enough to have sex."

"That's complicated. I don't think I'll ever be able to think about all that
stuff at the same time."

"Don't worry, as you get older you will learn more and more and be able to
think about more and more stuff. In fact, you have a head start on most of
your friends because of this talk."

"How old do you think I will be when I can think about all that stuff?"

"It's so hard to say. But right now, I would guess that you'll be a
teenager, maybe 15 or 16 when you're finally ready to have sex. But then
there's more complicated parts to that. See, right now, we live in a country
where the laws are very strict about trying to protect kids from being
tricked or forced into having sex. So they say that you can't have sex until
you're 18."

"That's old. Why do they make people wait so long?"

"I don't know, honey. There are lots of ideas about why, and most of them
are about people who have had bad times with sex, and who are kind of scared
of sex now, even though they still like it and it feels good for them. So
they get lots of mixed-up ideas about sex and then they try to make other
people act the same way by passing laws or getting people to pass laws. But
remember, these laws are only about sex, not any of the lead-up stuff. Most
of that stuff doesn't have any laws about it, except maybe the part about
touching each other's genitals under clothes or without clothes. So you can
do all the lead-up stuff you want, and you'll probably even be ready for
that part of it before you're 15 or 16, too."

"I will?"

"Yes. The lead-up stuff, or foreplay, can be very enjoyable and fun just by
itself. And as you get older you will be ready to go farther and farther
into the foreplay. You can probably start doing serious deep kissing as
early as 13, which is not very far away for you at all, is it."

"No! It's not! Cool! What about the other parts?"

"I'm not sure. It's all a matter of how comfortable you feel. You shouldn't
go to the next part until you really feel you are ready, and you know you
are ready by still being able to think about all the complicated parrts of
sex as you get to the next part. I'm really only guessing that you will feel
ready for actual sex by 15 or 16. It may be sooner or later than that. And
remember about the law. The law is very strict, and it is usually there to
protect us, but sex is so different for everybody that the laws about the
age you can have sex might need to be a little more flexible. Until they
are, though, you need to be very careful about breaking them."

"So, even if I'm ready for sex, I might not be able to have it for two or
three years?"

"That's true. It's not really fair, but it's true. And if you get caught,
you could go to jail. If you are older than 18 and you have sex with someone
who is under 18, even if the person is ready for sex and no one is being
tricked or forced, you could go to jail for a really long time."

"What if it gets boring just doing foreplay when I can't have sex?"

"You can masturbate. Whenever you feel frustrated and want to have sex but
you can't, you can masturbate."

"Can I masturbate now?"

"No, honey. Masturbating and all kinds of sex is usually a very private
thing, for only the people having sex or the person masturbating. It's okay
to masturbate when you're in your room or in the bathroom, just make sure
you clean up your sex juices if they come out. It's probably a good idea to
put a towel down underneath you so your sex juices don't make a sticky mess.
And make sure you lock the door so that other people can't just walk in.
That can confuse your feelings a little bit and make it not as easy to
really feel good."

"This is a lot of stuff to think about. I can't wait to tell my friends
about all this, even if I can't have sex with them."

"*sigh* Honey, if you do, please be careful. Remember how I told you some
people get mixed-up ideas about sex and they're kind of afraid of it?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, a lot of kids' parents are that way too, and if their kids start
coming home talking to them about sex, they're going to want to know how
their kids found out about it, and that will come back to you and even to
me, and we both might get into big trouble, because of their being scared.
And it's not always easy to tell what kids have parents like that, or even
what parents are like that. I wish you wouldn't tell them, but if you just
have to tell them about sex, be very careful and try not to get in trouble
or get me in trouble. If they ask you where you learned all this, say you
got it from a book over here in my bookcase -- The Joy of Sex. I don't want
you to lie, so I'm going to let you find it so you can say you found it, and
also this way you can tell the truth when you say you learned about sex from
this book, because it can actually teach you more than I can in just a
conversation."

"Okay. Thanks Mom."

"You're welcome, sweetie. Enjoy the book."

THE END

--
kelli217@crosswinds.not (replace final o with e)

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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