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From: Shalon Wood <dstar@pele.cx>
Subject: {ASSM} Prudence, TX Population 1276 7 (nosex)
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[NOTE: This is a repost; new parts will follow once everything has
been reposted.]

This is a continuation of "Prudence, Texas Population 1276", a
collaboration between my husband, Shalon (dstar@pele.cx), and I.  The
raw material and dialog was produced by both of us, but the final
editting on the previous postings was done by him, and on this one was
done by me, thus explaining any difference in style.  

Standard disclaimers apply; if you're underage, it's illegal for you
to read this, or you're disturbed by the content, please don't read
this.

Eventually to be archived at http://prudence.pele.cx.  Comments
*greatly* appreciated.

Enjoy,

Velvet
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Kristen needed to get a few things from her house, so, with a
few reservations, Mark dropped her off at her door and promised to
pick her up after he dropped Kayla off, making sure that Kristen
promised to arm the security system and keep all lights off in the
house while he was gone.

	Several times in the first minutes of the drive to Kayla's
house, Mark glanced over at the girl.  Kayla failed to notice, simply
yawning and leaning her head back against the seat.

	"So.  What exactly do you feel for Kristen?"

	Kayla jumped, startled by the sudden question, and looked at
him in surprise.
	
	Mark raised an eyebrow.  "As you've said to me several times,
'I'm not stupid, you know'."

	"I'm not sure what you're getting at here," Kayla replied
guardedly.

	Mark sighed, shaking his head.  "Come on, Kayla.  I've been
honest with you, even when it was about things that could get me
arrested, or worse."  He paused, and decided to take a gamble.  "How
long have you been in love with her?"

	"Look...it's not what you think."

	"You aren't in love with her then?"

	"I...honestly...I mean...  Shit."  Kayla broke off and stared
awkwardly out the window.

	"You are, aren't you?" he asked quietly.

	"Falling in love love with Kristen would have been just about
the most stupid thing _anyone_ could do, especially a girl, especially
_here_."  Kayla was still avoiding the question.

	"Or a teacher.  Here or anywhere," Mark added wryly.

	She shook her head.  "What I mean is, it would have been
_asking_ for a broken heart.  I mean, stray kittens and all that.
Plus, she's _always_ been that freakin' gorgeous."

	"Yup.  Sure would have been.  And she sure is.  And none of
that made a bit of difference, did it?"

	Kayla went on as if she hadn't heard him, "And I'm _not_ a
lesbian, despite rumors to the contrary.  And those rumors were bad
enough without me giving them any substance.  And I _couldn't_ save
her from herself, okay?  I didn't know how.  So it was just a bad
idea, all around."

	She shook her head.  "It was best to just stay unnoticed and
not join the horde of slavering beasts snapping at her heels."

	He nodded again.  "About as bad an idea as me falling in love
with her. And somehow I suspect you had about as much chance to resist
as I did."

	Kayla sighed.  "Okay," she almost whispered, "So I've had a
crush on her since first grade, alright?"  She shot him an angry
glare.  "_Before_ she started exuding sex from every pore, damn it."

	"Tell me the truth, Kayla -- is it just a crush?"
 
	She hesitated.  "First tell me why you want to know."

	"Well, if you _are_ in love with her -- and I strongly suspect
you are -- we've got a potentially awkward situation on our hands,
don't we?"

	Kayla sighed again.  "Yeah, I was afraid it was something like
that."

	"Hold on, Kayla.  All I mean is that we need to work out how
we want to handle it.  Are you?"

	"If I were, you wouldn't have to worry about it," she assured
him.  "You can help her, I can't.  You're _good_ for her.  So I
wouldn't do anything to fuck you two up.  I really didn't _mean_ to
say that out loud the other night.  It just slipped out."

	"Looks to me like you are good for her too, Kayla.  And I
think you are making an assumption here.  A reasonable one, given the
culture you were raised in, but an assumption none the less.  Can you
tell me what it is?"

	"Look," she insisted, "fucking is one thing, especially as it
looks like she'll _die_ without it, but you're talking about something
else entirely different."

	"Yup.  I sure am," he said, seemingly completely unperturbed
by the idea of Kayla being in love with Kristen.

	"Look, it would fuck things up.  It _would_.  People get
jealous.  Things happen."  Kayla was starting to sound exasperated.

	"Yes, they do," Mark agreed, "but you can work past that
jealousy.  You have to be committed.  You have to be determined to
make it work. And sometimes it doesn't work even then.  But sometimes
it does.  I've seen it."

	She still resisted the idea.  "Plus, it would fucking confuse
her.  She has a hard enough time dealing with the fact that she has to
have sex with people other than the man she loves."

	"She's going through a lot of changes right now, Kayla.  Of
course she's confused.  Although -- I'm not sure, after tonight, if
she _will_ have to have sex with others.  Not if two times with us
left her not feeling horny."

	That hadn't occurred to Kayla, and she smiled, thrilled.
"That would make her happy."

	Mark noted the smile.  _How did I ever miss the fact that
she's in love with her?  How did _anyone_?  It's so obvious._  "Now,"
he went on aloud, "ignoring whether it's _possible_ or not -- what do
you want?"

	"I want her to be happy.  She hasn't been really happy since
she was eleven."

	"Ok.  That's a good answer.  Now, why don't you tell me what
I've been trying to find out -- what do you _want_ with her?  Do you
want to be just her fuck-buddy, or do you want to be her girlfriend."
He paused for a deliberate moment.  "Or her wife?"


	"I don't honestly know what I want.  I never considered that
anything other than vague friendship was possible.  Well, I pretty
much knew she'd fuck me, but I did not want to be just one of the
others."  For once, Kayla sounded her age; a fourteen year old girl
confused by the workings of the human heart.

	"Kayla," Mark said gently, "I know of five people Kristen
trusts.  I know of _one_ female among that five.  That's you."

	She nodded.  "I know.  She hasn't got any reason to trust
anyone, and reason _not_ to trust girls."

	Mark shook his head.  "I know, but what I'm saying is -- if
you want more than just friendship, the possibility might be there.
I'm not going to stand in your way.  The question is, if it happens,
do we have a V or a triad?"

	"Oh."  Kayla turned and stared out the window again.  "Um.
Okay, see, that's more complicated too.  Because while it might not
bother you for me to be with her, it might very _well_ bother her for
you to be with me, see?"
	
	"Yes. But we're talking ideal outcomes, here.  Assume either
one could happen, which one would you _want_ to happen?"

	Kayla swallowed hard.  "This is fucking awkward, you know.  I
mean...blunt, very blunt."

	Mark grinned.  "I know.  You seem like the kind of girl who'd
appreciate that, rather than dancing around the subject."

	"I would.  I mean...I do, it's just...like, this is without
any warning, and it's been such a...strange...night."

	He laughed.  "That, it has been."

	Kayla sighed, smiling and shaking her head at her own
awkwardness.  "Okay, I'll try.  See, it's like this.  Yeah, I've been
stuck on Kris for a long, long time.  But I didn't think there was any
real chance of it being anything special, but I tried to help her
out when I could, even if she didn't know about it.  I got that
jackass who hurt her so bad when she was just a kid as best I could.
But I'm _not_ a lesbian. I don't think I'm even bi.  She's
just...special.  So, I do like guys.  But not boys, because boys are
_idiots_.  There's a _reason_ I hide my boobs, okay?  Bad enough being
a pretty girl with big tits and not knowing if what they like is you
or the meat, but when you're a plain girl with big tits you _know_
all they care about is those two lumps of fat, y'know?"
	
	Mark nodded, listening quietly.

	"But men..._men_ are different.  But most men won't even look
twice at a fourteen year old girl, and if they do either a) they're
looking at Kristen, or b) they're total scuzz of the earth."

	Mark nodded again, unable to even vaguely disagree with her
assessment.

	"So I figured my libido could just wait until I was old enough
to attract the kind of non-looks-obsessed, intellectual, honorable
kinda man I could be interested in.  Sure, I looked...I mean, y'all
are pretty, y'know?  But it was idle speculation, not anything
serious.  There was no way I thought I would ever meet a _good_ guy
who would do a 14 year old."

	She looked at him out of the corner of her eye and grinned
ruefully.  "Then you came along, and you are tailor-made for teenage
crushes, especially geeky teenage girls.  Not only are you a seriously
good-looking guy, you're _not_ the kind of man we have around here.
And you've got a seriously good-looking brain.  So, yeah, I joined the
cue of little infatuated twits, but I do like to think I had better
reasons for it than most of them.  I mean, your butt is nice, don't
get me wrong, but _I_ at least think it's more important that you can
speak with words of more than two syllables.  But still...theoretical,
as nice guys don't, y'know.  But then you _did_, with Kristen, and you
were still a nice guy, and I couldn't get the traitorous little
thought out of my head, see?"

	"Um, I guess so," he answered.

	Kayla sighed again, with a hint of relief.  "But I did
not..._do_ not, want to hurt her.  Because while I'm way attracted to
you, and could get real attached to you, I've wanted to make her
happy for years and years."  She hesitated, blushing, before adding,
"And...I'm a virgin."

	Mark waited quietly, letting her finish without interruption.

	"So...the thought is...intriguing, but there's a lot of stuff
in the way of it being anything other than a thought," Kayla
finished and looked at him expectantly.

	Mark looked thoughtful.  "So...ideally, you'd like it to be a
triad, but you'd be just as happy with a V?  Am I understanding you
correctly?"

	"Um.  Yeah.  I think so."  She frowned, disgruntled by his
ability to summarize things so compactly.

	Mark grinned. "I can live with that.  For the record, you've
got a pretty damned good looking brain yourself.  Now.  I'm going to
be talking to Kristen about this.  How you feel about her may --
probably _will_ -- come up.  What am I allowed to tell her?"

	"Geeze...don't, Mark.  I mean, shit, I don't want her to feel
bad about it, either way.  And she's the type who would feel guilty
about not returning my feelings.  Why do you think I've never said
anything to her?"

	"Ok. What if she feels the way you do, though?"

	Kayla shook her head.  "Not possible."

	"Oh?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.
 	
	"You do *not* understand how hard it was for her to admit to
loving you, to *let* herself love you.  You just don't.  To even think
that she loved someone *else* to...that would make her feel like she
didn't really love anyone, and would cause her serious pain.  So she
won't.  And even if she could, it would take time.  You're something
new and different and special in her experience, I'm *not*.  I
honestly didn't think she would *ever* say 'I love you' to anyone
again."

	Mark was quiet for a second before answering.  "I
see. Damn. That tells me that somehow I need to bring up the concept
of polyamoury to her. _Without_ making her think that she's not enough
for me. This is going to be tricky."

	"Look...maybe someday, but not now.  Seriously.  Let it
*wait*.  This is a hard time for her.  Let her see that you can love
someone and not have them totally rip your heart out and feed it to
the crows before you try to alter social conditioning, okay?"

	Kayla fell silent, deep in thought.  Finally, she turned to
look at him directly.  "Listen, there's something you need to know,
and she won't tell you about it."

	Mark glanced at her, concerned at her somber tone.  "What?"

	The story Kayla told him then made his blood boil.

	When Kristen was eleven, she fell in love.  She was a
beautiful child, and already beginning to show signs of the unnatural
sensual attraction that was so obvious at fourteen.  The object of her
affections was older than her, of course.  Quite a bit older.

	"Jason was seventeen," Kayla explained, "Tall, blond, blue-eyed; 
he was the most popular guy in school, and most of the girls had a 
crush on him.  He was one of the counselors at the summer camp Kristen 
went to that year.  It didn't take much interest from him to convince 
Kristen that she was in love with him.  Within two days, she'd happily 
given him her virginity.  After that, she was his.  She would do anything 
for him."  Kayla's voice grew tighter and tighter, her anger seeping into
every word.

	"She even asked her father to pay for an extra session at camp
just so she could stay with him.  She thought he loved her, too.  If
he'd really loved her, things might have been different.  She was
already becoming impossible to resist, and she was willing, but..."
Kayla shook her head angrily.
	
	"Anyway, school started, and for a few weeks she'd meet him at
lunch, or after school.  He was in high school and she was still in
elementary, so there wasn't much of a chance for them to see each
other during school."

	"Then it was October and time for the Fall Festival, when the
entire school mingles.  They snuck off under the bleachers and had
sex.  She went to the bathroom to clean up, fully expecting 'her date'
to be there when she got back.  He wasn't."

	"She went looking for him, of course.  She was worried about
the bastard.  She found him with a group of his friends, and asked him
why he hadn't waited for her."

	Kayla's grip on the car door was white-knuckled.  She spit out
the rest of the story.  "All of his friends were in on the joke, of
course.  Sex equals status to teenage boys, and virgins count double,
no matter how young."

	Mark's own hands tightened on the steering wheel, and he
pulled over, unable to see the road through the haze of anger growing
before his eyes.

	Kayla continued, "He answered her with his very first bit of
honesty.  'Why should I?  We're done for tonight.'  She still didn't
understand.  She thought they were going to the dance together.  'Why
would I take *you* to the dance?  I have a real date for that.'  She
was devastated.  She told him she loved him, that she thought they
were in love, that she didn't understand, and he laughed.  They all
did.  He made it quite plain that he'd never intended for her to be
anything but a convenient fuck, and he couldn't believe how stupid she
was for thinking he could actually *love* a little girl like her."

	Kayla's voice broke, and she stopped, covering her eyes with
her hands for a moment before going on.  Mark gripped the steering
wheel as if it were alive and he wanted to kill it, visions of finding
that piece of filth and dismembering him surging through his head.

	"The next day, she started working her way through the school,
starting with his best friend.  She told him...and everyone else..."
Kayla smiled viciously, "that it was *such* a relief to *finally* have
sex with a *real* man, instead of one who couldn't stay hard for more
than three seconds and came the instant anyone touched his dick.  It
was a good revenge, and she doesn't know it, but I got the bastard for
her, too.  But she swore then that she'd never, *ever* fall in love
again, and if she did 'make that mistake', she'd die before she'd let
the guy know, because love gives people too much power over you."

	Mark sat without speaking, trying to get his emotions under
control.  "You said you 'got' him," he gritted out between clenched
teeth.  "What did you do?"

	Kayla smiled again.  "Jason was into all kinds of things.
Drugs.  He was stupid, too.  I got proof.  I held onto it til he was
18.  He went to jail thanks to 'an anonymous source'.  I have an aunt
who worked at that prison, a doctor.  I told her about what he'd done
to Kristen, and she made sure that *everyone* knew it.  I think he
died of AIDS last year.  That's what I heard, anyway."

	Mark looked at the girl admiringly. "Damn. That's a _really_
attractive brain you have."

	"Like I said, she got him pretty good...but it wasn't enough."

	He nodded, feeling almost cheated at the fact that he wouldn't
be able to kill the bastard himself.

	Mark sighed, remembering what started the discussion as he
pulled back onto the road.  "Kayla, I know what you were saying.  But
what if she starts to fall in love with you _before_ I talk to her
about it?"

	"Then be subtle *as* it happens.  Let her know that it's okay
if she does, but not in such a way as to make her feel insecure about
it.  Don't *ever* open up the subject of you sleeping with me.  If she
wants it to happen, she'll bring it up, if she doesn't, then it's not
going to.  Do not, under any circumstances, tell her I'm in love with
her...you can make sure she knows that I care about her, but let her
enjoy having a friend before anything more, and don't give her any
reason to feel guilty."

	Thoughtfully, he nodded.  "I can tell her the story of Amy,
Melissa, and Tanya.  That might be enough to let her realize the
possibility exists."

	"If you do, then she'll think *you* want to have other
people," Kayla cautioned, "and if you haven't noticed, she's got a bit
of a self-esteem problem, y'know?"

	"Right.  I'm fairly sure that she'll be worried about how I
feel about her making love to you, and so I can tell her about my
friends the lesbians, and since they were a triad, well..."

	"Just be careful," Kayla insisted, "I mean, look...if she
wants you to be 100% faithful to her, and you're *not*, then I'd have
to hurt you.  I mean it.  All bets are off if you hurt her, and I
won't fight fair.  I'd hate to have to kill you."

	"Kayla, if she wants me to be faithful, I _will_.  End of
story.  She's more than enough for me."  He looks at her.  "You do
realize the same goes for you?"

	"Huh?"  Kayla was taken by surprise.
 
	"If she wants you to be faithful..."

	She laughed.  "I've been *celibate* all my life.  Why would I
cheat on her? I mean, it's not like I could find *better*!
Besides...I *was* raised here.  Not cheating is kinda plugged into my
brain."

	"I haven't been celibate, Kayla, and I can tell from
experience -- you _won't_ find better.  You needed that warning
exactly as much as I did."

	"*I'm* not the one proposing threeways," she disagreed.
"*I'm* not the one with triangular friends.  *I* said, 'don't worry
about it, it's not worth fucking things up'."

	"I know," he grinned.  "But *I* am not willing to deprive
Kristen of something that would make her happy.  That's the only
reason I brought it up.  I'm not going to touch you, or anyone else,
without her permission.  That's what I'm saying.  Polyamoury isn't
cheating, Kayla.  Do you really think I would cheat on her?"

	"I don't *think* so, but I'm not exactly Ms. Experience in
these things.  But I do think that you might do something that you
don't think would hurt her but it turns out it would.  You'd never
*intend* to hurt her, but you just wouldn't realize you were doing
it."

	"Ok, I can understand that.  And I can see your point; that's
why I will _never_ touch someone else without a clear statement from
her telling me to.  And I won't do it then if I think it would make
her unhappy for me to do so."

	"Yeah, but do you get that even hinting that you might want
permission could be just as bad?" Kayla asked.

	"Yes.  But..."  He glances over at her.  "You do realize that
we talked about me making love to you earlier today?  And that she
understands that I'm not going to do anything she doesn't want?"

	"Does she?  And do you understand that she might not *tell*
you she doesn't want something?  She might tell you just the opposite
if she thinks *you* want it?"  Her earnest voice held honest fear.
"She's had four years of giving people what they want, Mark."

	Mark said, very quietly, "She _did_ tell me, Kayla.  She told
me she didn't think she could handle it right now.  I said, and I
quote, "That's fine, love."

	Kayla let her breath out, relieved.  "Good.  It makes me feel
better that she'd tell you that."

	"Me, too. I want her to be her own person, Kayla. And I think,
now that she's not being starved...she can be."

	They pulled up at Kayla's house, and Mark's train of thought
was violently derailed.  In addition to the almost customary state of
all the lights in the house being on and strange music drifting from
an upstairs window, there seemed to have been an accident with the
lawn.  About a 10 ft. square of it was a sickly shade of puce.

	Mark furrowed his brow.  "Um...your yard..."

	Kayla shook her head. "My. Family. Is. Weird.  End of story."

	"Okay," he said, but couldn't help staring at her curiously.

	She laughed.  "Later maybe.  Go on, if you're late, she'll
worry."  She smiled shyly.  "g'night Mark.  I...had a good time
tonight, whatever comes of it."

	He smiled back.  "So did I, Kayla.  Night."

						***

	Mark headed back to Kristen's house as fast as he could
without speeding.  When he got there, the house was dark except for
what looked like the dim glow from a couple of night lights here and
there.  He walked up to the door, ringing the doorbell.

	Kristen opened the door quietly, and slipped outside with a
duffel bag over her shoulder.  She was still glowing softly, looking
rather like a high-budget special effect.

	Mark smiled.  "Hey, love.  Let's get home."

	She smiled back, somewhat shyly.  "You're sure this is okay?"

	He shook his head.  "No, it's _wonderful_.  Better than okay."

	She giggled and hopped into the car, sliding as close to him
as her seat belt would allow.

	Mark drove quietly for a moment before asking, hesitantly,
"So.  How do you feel about tonight?"

	She didn't pretend not to understand him, at least, but her
answer wasn't particularly informative.  "Um.  Weird."

	"Oh?"

	She smiled at him reassuringly.  "I mean, I'm okay and
everything, it's just that a lot happened y'know?  And it's so strange
being able to *think* about things."

	"You've never been able to just think before? Wow."  He
hesitated.  "I hope you aren't mad at me."

	"Oh, Mark!  Of course I'm not mad at you, why would I be?"

	"Well, when you and Kayla were making love, I told you no. I
hope you understand why."

	"Oh.  I'd forgotten that, actually.  Well, I was kinda upset
at the *time*, but once I was calmer, I understood.  It's okay."

	"Okay. I was really surprised that you had me...you know."

	She blushed, the glow radiating from her skin acquiring a
distinctly pinkish tint.  "Um. Well.  I was, too.  But, it seemed like
a good idea at the time.  And I wanted to see if, y'know...it helped,
having all three of us doing something."

	"You do know...I wouldn't ask you to let me do that, don't
you?  I mean, I enjoyed it, but you _are_ enough for me."  He grinned.
"More than enough."

	"I...um...well, if this feeling lasts a while, you'll have
more energy, more *time*, so..." She trailed off with a shrug.

	Mark glanced at her.  "So if I told you that once we got home
I'd like to crawl between your legs and lick you, you wouldn't be
interested?"

	"Oh!"  She blushed even brighter.  "Well...If you want to."

	He grinned broadly.  "I'd _love_ to.  So are you going to want
to get together with Kayla again?"  He looked over at her.  "With or
without me; that will _always_ be your choice.  Well, hers, too."

	Kristen didn't answer right away, and when she did, her voice
was guarded.  "I don't know.  I guess it depends on how tomorrow
goes."

	"What do you mean?"

	"Well, I mean, she might be embarrassed and not want to talk
to me, or she might want to pretend it didn't happen or something."
She looked away, face troubled.

	He smiled, glad to be able to ease her fears in that regard.
"I doubt that's the case.  Well, actually, I know that's not the case.
She loved it."

	Kristen shrugged, still unwilling to meet his eyes.  "Yeah,
but she might feel different after she has a chance to think about it.
It happens."

	He shook his head. "I doubt it, Kristen.  Not in this case.
Trust me.  And if she's still interested tomorrow?"
	
	"Why?" she blurted out, then bit her lip.  "I mean, what's the
hurry?"

 	"I just want you to think about it, Kristen," he said gently,
"so that you can figure out how you feel about things.  It's always a
good idea to think things through in advance.  You _do_ realize that
it won't bother me if you get together with her again, right?  That I
don't have any problems with you sleeping with another girl?"

	"Well, I didn't really think you would, since you don't mind
me sleeping with other guys."  She grinned knowingly.  "I mean, *lots*
of men like the idea of two girls."

	"True.  But around here...well, I can imagine guys being hung
up on it.  I'm not, though.  Three of my best friends in college were
lesbians.  They were _sickeningly_ cute together, too."  He watched
out of the corner of his eye to see if she caught the implication.

	Kristen snorted.  "Guys around here pretend to be, unless
they're talking to a girl they think might do it for them.  Girls
really are, though, I think."

	He nodded, trying again to test her reaction.  "I think they
had more trouble from girls than guys about being lesbians, although I
think the trouble was about evenly split, as far as gender goes, for
having more than two people in the relationship.  They got a _lot_
more trouble from that."

	The light dawned.  "Ah," Kristen said.  "I can see that."

	Mark went on, "I was pretty surprised when I figured out all
_three_ of them were involved.  I mean, I'd never even thought of such
a thing."  He paused reflectively.  "I learned a lot from them,
though, about how to handle a relationship.  They had to really work
at it, to keep it going.  I asked Melissa, once, whether it was worth
the effort.  She told me that yeah, it was a lot of work, but when it
was working, it was wonderful -- each of them knew the others were
there to help them, support them if they needed it.  Made me realize
that that's what I wanted, when I fell in love -- someone who would
support me when I needed it, and would let me support _them_ when they
needed it."

	Kristen sat silently a moment, absorbing what he'd said,
before asking, "Have you ever been in love before?"

	The pulled up in Mark's driveway and he killed the engine and
turned to look at her.  "Yeah.  I have."  He sighed, staring out at
the dark fields.  "Remember the friend I had who discovered she was a
lesbian?  Her.  It was pretty hard, but...I had to let her go.  We're
still good friends.  She's one of the few people I could tell about
you, and trust that she wouldn't go to the cops."

	"Oh," Kristen said, very quietly.  "Did she love you, too?"

	He nodded.  "Yeah.  It was one of those things where, well, it
just couldn't work out.  She's more like a little sister to me than
anything else, now."  He sighed again.  "I honestly think that if
she'd been bi things might have worked out differently.  But once she
figured it out, well...she didn't have any sexual interest in guys at
all.  She never had had, she'd just been trying to force herself
because she didn't know the difference."

	"Oh," she said again.  "I'm sorry."

	Mark reached over and squeezed her thigh.  "Don't be.  After
all, if things _had_ worked out with her, I wouldn't be in love with
you."  He looked at her seriously.  "You aren't worried that I think
_you_ will leave me because you like girls, are you?  I mean, I know
better."

	She smiled.  "Yeah, I know.  And I hope you know I'm not going
to leave you...not for anyone or anything.  I just...I don't know.  I
mean, this is the first time I've been able to actually *talk* to you
without constantly thinking about sex."  She swallowed, glancing away
again, "And I got to thinking..."

	Mark nodded encouragingly.

	She looked at him with worried green eyes, and asked, "We
don't really know each other very well, do we?"

	He shook his head.  "Not really.  I know enough about you to
know I love you, though, if that's what you are worried about."

	She smiled, the fear not completely leaving her eyes.  "Yeah,
but what if you think I'm god-awful boring when I'm not ripping your
clothes off every five minutes?"

	Mark squeezed her leg again.  "I doubt that, Kristen.  Let me
point something out to you -- even distracted by sex, you were no
worse than an average student.  What are you going to be like when you
can _concentrate_?  And what I do know about you is interesting.
Don't be insecure about that, love."

	Kristen looked down at her lap.  "I just thought-- I mean, it
sounds silly, but sex has *been* my hobby.  My *job* too, when I think
about it.  This is the first time I can remember when half my
concentration hasn't been focused on who I was going to do next and
how.  I don't know what people *do* with all that time!  I don't have
anything to fill it up with."

	He grinned.  "Study.  Imagine the looks on people's faces when
you turn into a straight A student!  Practice your art.  Read.  Write.
Just about anything you want, love."

	"You won't be disappointed if I don't need as much?" she asked
nervously.

	"Not at all, love. I love _you_, not your sex drive."

	Kristen raised an eyebrow.  "See, that's the *point*.  All
you've seen of me *is* my sex drive."

	"Not true.  I haven't seen much of you, but I _have_ seen it.
Now I'll get to watch you...well, blossom."

	Kristen smiled, brightening slightly.  Literally.  Then she
met his eyes soberly.  "Serious question, love?"

	"Okay, ask."  He took her hand in his and squeezed it
comfortingly.

	"If you decide you *don't* like me, or think you're not going
to...tell me?  Please?  Right away?  And, um.  If you decide that all
you want to do with me is sex," she swallowed hard, voice shaking,
"Then, that's okay, too.  Just tell me, so I know."

	He raised her hand to his lips, kissing it softly.  "I will.
But that's not going to happen."  He looked at her questioningly.
"Are we asking each other the hard questions, tonight?"

	"I thought we already did?"

	"Point.  I'm kind of surprised -- you didn't seem shocked that
my friends were in a three-way relationship.  I'd figure someone who
grew up around here would be."

	"Mark...it wasn't a *good* one, but I've been in a 237-way
relationship for the past three and a half years."

	He raised an eyebrow.  "No, I don't think so, Kristen.  You've
been having a slow orgy for three and a half years, not a
relationship."  He licked his lips, pausing for just a second.
"There's a reason I told you that story, you know."

	"Oh?"  She sounded very nervous.

	"You can't always control how you feel.  I wanted you to
understand that it won't bother me if you end up falling in love with
someone else -- Kevin, David, Aaron, Kayla, someone else entirely --
as long as they respect _our_ relationship.  I don't want you to feel
like you are betraying me, okay?"  He grinned.  "Just remember that
_I_ am the one who asked you to marry him -- or her -- first."  He
sobered again.  "I _would_ like you to promise to always be honest
with me about how you feel about someone, and if you _do_ think that
you are falling in love with them, tell me, okay?  Don't let me be
blind sided?"

	"Ah...I don't know what to say, Mark."
	
	He took her other hand, too.  "It may never happen, Kristen.
Or it might happen next week.  But I _don't_ want you feeling guilty,
okay?  I love you too much to keep you from something that would make
you happy."

	"I don't *want* to love anyone else, Mark.  It's scary enough
just loving you."

	"I know. Love is a terrifying frightening thing.  And whether
you want to love them or not, sometimes you do."  He paused, thinking
of the story Kayla had told him.  "I know the idea of being in love
scares you.  That's why I brought this up.  I could just imagine how
you'd feel if you started to fall in love with someone else and I
hadn't had this conversation...that's why.  I couldn't do that to you.
I can't bear the thought of you thinking you were...were being
disloyal to me by falling in love with someone else."

	They sat in the silent darkness for a few moments, holding
hands, neither making a move to get out of the car.

	After a while, Kristen asked, almost whispering, "Mark, you
know you don't *have* to be that way, right?  That if *anything* I do
bothers you, you can tell me, and I'll stop.  I want to know."
	
	"I know," he answered just as quietly, "and I _will_ tell you.
I'll be honest with you that way, just like you were honest with me
when you told me you didn't want me sleeping with Kayla."

	"I didn't say I didn't want you to," she corrected, "I just
said that I couldn't handle it yet."

	"I assumed that that was pretty much the same thing, love.
Let me put it this way: I'll never intentionally touch a woman in a
way that you haven't told me I can, Kayla or anyone else.  Okay?"

	"Okay, but you'd tell me if you *want* to, right?"

	"I will.  I have, remember?  I told you that I'd love to make
love to Kayla, and that I wasn't going to because you couldn't handle
it.  What I need _you_ to understand is that _not_ making love to her
doesn't bother me.  I'm not in love with her, I'm in love with _you_."

	"When your...friend...broke up with you, the one you loved,
did you stop being in love with her?"

	He had to think about it.  "Not immediately.  Not at all,
really, but the nature of that love changed over time, and like I
said, she's like my sister now.  Why?"

	"I guess I don't understand love, really.  I'm trying, but it
just confuses me.  I mean, I'm happy to love you...it feels wonderful!
But at the same time, it's so scary, like this great big target is
painted on me and thousands of guns are aimed at it, just waiting for
the signal to fire."  Kristen shivered.  "And if you had stopped
loving her, then you'd know how it felt when you stopped loving
someone, and I wouldn't have to worry about you not realizing it if it
happened."

	His heart clenched at the fear in her voice.  "Kristen, I
_would_ realize if it happens.  I realized when my love for her
changed, and that's a far less drastic change than stopping loving
her. But it's _not_ going to happen.  Okay?  I _do_ love you."

	"I know, Mark.  I believe you.  But I don't know how it
happened!  If you don't know what you're doing to make something
happen, then you might *stop* by accident!"

	"That's where you are making your mistake, love.  You _aren't_
doing anything to make me love you.  I love you because you are you.
It's not something you can _stop_, okay?"

	She unbuckled her seat belt and slid up against him, sighing.
"Okay.  I'll cut the philosophy, lover.  I don't think I'm very good
at it anyway."

	He raised an eyebrow.  "Oh, I don't think you're so bad at it,
love.  I've just got more experience."

	She snuggled up to him, smiling.  "Um," she offered, shyly, "I
brought something to show you.  I haven't ever shown it to anyone.
Can we go in the house now?

	He tilted her chin up and kissed her tenderly.  "Of course,
love."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

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-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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