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From: Cindylover1969@aol.com (CindyLover)
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NNTP-Posting-Date: Fri, 17 Oct 2003 05:58:03 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: {ASSM} ...Make Me Feel So Damned Unpretty: Second Double (Jennifer Garner/Sydney Bristow, Gabrielle Union, Shego, Luanne from "King of the Hill," Sarah Michelle Gellar, Kirsten Dunst, Jessica Alba, Penelope Pitstop, Eliza Dushku, Holly Marie Combs/Piper Hal
Date: Fri, 17 Oct 2003 10:10:04 -0400
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d

This story was first published on CSSA. The real people
as presented in this story are not intended to be
portrayed as they are in real life. The fictional
characters used are the properties of 3 Arts
Entertainment, Bad Robot, Cameron/Eglee Productions,
Deedle-Dee Productions, Disney Enterprises,
Hanna-Barbera Cartoons, Judgemental Films, Kuzui
Enterprises, Marathon Animation, Mutant Enemy Inc.,
Renaissance Pictures, Sandollar Television, Spelling
Television, TF1, Touchstone Television, Twentieth
Century Fox Film Corporation and Universal Worldwide
Television, and are used here purely for fantasy
purposes. The content here isn't meant for under-18s.

PREVIOUS CHAPTERS (in case anyone here is actually reading it):
1. So It Begins...
2. Female Trouble
3. Conversations With Dead People
4. Kimitation Nation
5. Something Wicca This Way Comes

* * * * * * * * * *

"You've got a good pair on you," Shego said
approvingly. "Of course, mine are better."

"Yeah?" asked Gabrielle. "Let's have a look."

Shego obligingly pulled at her costume, releasing a
pair of tits so perfect that were she a real woman
would have drawn howls of jealousy from every other
female for miles around. Even if they were a very
light green. Gabrielle fixed on those jugs like a
laserbeam, and suddenly felt very inadequate; Luanne
also felt sick at the sight of Shego's funbags,
bouncing around as if they were glad to be out of that
jumpsuit she always had them in. Why couldn't the
folks who designed her have gone for the fantasy
approach?

"You know why I never get rid of Drakken?" she rasped.
"Because he's bad at taking over the world, but he's
pretty good in bed." Shego placed one of her hands on
Gabrielle's dripping left breast. "Let's see if you
can match him before we send you out of here."

Luanne started to run the shower attachment along
Gabrielle's brown bod, while the actress started to
play with Shego's tits. Kim Possible's nemesis even
had a black-green pussy - it looked a little like
seaweed, to be honest. But as long as it didn't taste
like it... Gabrielle nuzzled Shego's nipples; they
were surprisingly tiny, but they were getting the
woman turned on. She listened to Shego's low murmurs
as she kissed the tingling animated form, and felt
Luanne slowly run the shower head down her back,
wedging the handle between her buttocks.

With the shower head aimed at her box, Gabrielle
trembled as the water sprayed onto it, just before she
tasted Shego's opening. Wow - this girl tasted like
nothing she'd ever had before; she thought Kirsten
Dunst had tasted sweet, but THIS... Gabrielle greedily
licked away at Shego, feeling Luanne nibble on her
back as well. She thought she could taste this ripe,
juicy cunt forever... but...

Shego's mind was still on her mission, but she was
also watching Luanne as she writhed on top of the
actress, studying her pert, smackable backside. Maybe
when they had time, she could show this one what it
was like when they didn't have pressure of a
deadline... at least Gabrielle was taking her time,
eating her slow and easy...

Quick and easy, Gabrielle threw herself back, sending
Luanne hurtling into the wall and pulling up the
attachment. Before Shego had time to react, Gabrielle
whacked her across the face with it, pushed by the spy
and ran out of the shower room; Shego's pursuit was
further delayed by Luanne trying to get up and running
into her, sending the two tumbling to the floor in a
mass of curses and bathroom accessories.

Flinging on a bathrobe and thankful she had packed
already, Gabrielle made for the door, her mind on the
cab she'd call in the lift, telling the driver to meet
her a few blocks away; she couldn't afford to wait
there, but she could put some distance between her and
those cartoons. She never got to the door; she was
tackled as she ran for it.

"If there's one thing we know in Texas," Luanne panted
as she pinned Gabrielle, "it's how to get a fugitive."

"Yeah, so I heard."

"At least you're good for something," Shego said
approvingly as she stood by Gabrielle's hips. "Luanne,
open her legs - enough messing around."

Gabrielle squeezed her legs together tightly. Luanne
and Shego grabbed one each, and forced them open
despite their captive's best efforts; with one hand
each keeping the legs apart, the two women grinned at
each other and held their other hands up in the air.
They were going to masturbate Gabrielle Union into the
other universe, and there was nothing she could do
about it.

"One..." Shego sneered.

"Two..." Luanne added, and screamed as a bullet
slammed into her shoulder, just as a second one did
the same to Shego, knocking them both to the floor
away from Gabrielle.

"Three," finished Sydney Bristow, standing tall behind
her, a gun in either hand.

* * * * * * * * * *

"...and ACTION!"

Michelle Trachtenberg, as Melissa, "materialized" in
the hall of the Halliwell house, since her character
had tracked down Ashley to their care. This would of
course make Smoleg's job of getting them all in one
place easier. Michelle secretly wished this show had
scripts as good as her last job, but she was a
professional and the cast were friendly. (Plus she
could have been on the show in its early years...)

She flung her head to where the FX people would add
one of Smoleg's underlings, and threw herself out of
the way of its attack, running to the attic where
Ashley/Jessica Alba was...

* * * * * * * * * *

"Made up your mind yet, sugarplum?" Penelope asked
Sarah Michelle Gellar as the latter hefted the sword
in front of Jennifer Garner, Eliza Dushku and Jessica
Alba, all herded up next to her and forced to their
knees. "You can't stall forever..."

Eliza silently begged for it to be her - then at least
it would finally be over; Jennifer kept looking at
that sword, thinking it looked familiar; and Jessica
had something nagging in her mind. Something one of
them had said earlier... she knew it was something
important - wait a minute, she knew what it was now!
It was -

"Jessica?"

The almond-eyed beauty looked up, to see Sarah
beckoning to her, her eyes in tears. "It'll be quick,"
she promised, bringing the sword back and sending it
cleaving through the air towards Jessica's neck.

"No, wait," Jessica begged. "WAIT! I KNOW HOW WE GOT
HERE!"

Sarah stopped the blade a mere two millimeters from
Jessica's skin, and pulled the sword back. "No, you
skinny dunderhead - kill her!" Penelope argued.

"You want to know how we got here, don't you?" Sarah
shouted. "If Alba's figured it out..."

Penelope nodded. "But afterwards..." and she drew a
finger across her neck with a slicing sound. And to
Jessica's horror, the Slayer nodded herself.

"I was trying to think of something that someone said
earlier - then I remembered that Sh... Norville said
something about how you dream of the last thing you
think of before you fall asleep," Jessica said
rapidly. "And then when I got here they told me the
dreams I was having about being on 'Charmed' weren't
dreams, so the only place they could have been
happening is here, so..." And she waved her hand to
indicate where she was going.

"So you're saying we got here through our dreams?"
Eliza asked.

"Or at least got conked out before we came here,"
Jennifer replied. "I know I passed out when Shego gave
me that handjob, and you, Murphy and Dunst must have
gotten the same treatment. Maybe you can't take this
when you're awake..."

"That would make sense," Sarah said slowly.

"And as Jessica was already being dreamed into
someone's fantasy with the Charmed Ones, getting her
here awake would have been no trouble," Penelope
finished. "So now we know how they got here, and we
already know how we got there, so we don't need you
anymore. Gellar, cut the squeaky-voiced girlie's head
off."

Sarah raised the sword, watched the sunlight reflect
off the blade... and decapitated Penelope Pitstop with
one chop. Not a drop of blood fell as Penelope's
pretty blonde head flew off, followed by her torso
twirling in the air as Sarah chopped through Miss
Pitstop's stomach; she finished by bringing the sword
down between Penelope's legs, watching them fall in
opposite directions. The quartered heiress to a vast
fortune lay on the grass, everyone watching in shock.

"That was for tricking me," the small blonde actress
said to herself.

* * * * * * * * * *

Five Weeks Earlier...

Sarah was stretched out on the bed, pleased at how
things were going - apart from the movie, that is.
"Saturday" had continued her penchant for getting weak
scripts that she had to give the kiss of life to,
although Kirsten didn't seem to mind. She told herself
that on Monday morning she'd have words with that Lisa
Thompson; rewrites NOW or she walked. 

But now, all she had on her mind was her man Freddie
Prinze Jr., strutting out of the bathroom grinning
cockily, naked and smug. Still, he had good reason to
be smug; okay, he wasn't as talented as his father in
the eyes of many who remembered him, but SMG hadn't
even been alive when "Chico and the Man" had been on
TV. She liked him fine without any comparisons. And
anyway, he was HERS, and that was all that mattered.
Now if they could only find something good to pair
them up (why hadn't she tried to get him on her show
when she had a chance? Sarah cursed the fact that none
of them had become a producer in the course of seven
seasons).

"Still cross with the director?" Freddie asked, taking
a sideways look at himself in the mirror.

"That jumped-up little carpet-muncher? Yeah, but it'll
be over soon enough," Sarah told him, opening her legs
a little wider. "Enough shop talk."

"Damn right," Freddie replied, lowering himself onto
his wife, feeling her little boobs squishing against
his chest.

"Whoever made that cancellation, we should thank him,"
Sarah told him as they wrapped their arms around each
other.

"Or her."

Sarah was ignoring this bit of fair play among sexes,
because she was too busy giving Freddie a love bite on
the neck, feeling him fondling her body. Mmmmm... just
the thing to wipe out the weekday blues. She wanted to
feel his fingers rubbing her nipples as he nibbled on
her; Sarah let out a low murmur of satisfaction as
Freddie pinched her glutes hard, kissing her over and
over. She took hold of his thin, longish erection and
gently moved her hand along it. 

"Wait a bit..." Freddie said, feeling himself get more
excited. He carefully removed Sarah's hand and placed
it onto her fuzzy little box. "You don't want it to
end so soon, do you?"

"Am I that good? I just have to touch you and..." the
star of "Harvard Man" chuckled.

"Just let it wait a bit," the star of "Summer Catch"
and "Head Over Heels" said, and fixed his eyes on
Sarah's snatch as she spread it apart with her
fingers. Freddie was soon running his tongue along her
tasty little opening, going over every little turn of
it; he always thanked his lucky stars that life had
been so good for him thus far. Sarah's wee form was
thrusting around on the bed, moving wildly with each
touch of his mouth; she hated to admit it, but he gave
better head than she did.

"Jeeezum... sshheeeeiiiiiiiiTTTTTT!!!!"  Sarah's
speech lapsed into curses tumbling over each other as
she felt herself heating up between her legs... "Fuck
me, Fred... DAMMIT FUCK ME NOW!!!" She felt Freddie's
mouth leave her pussy for a moment, then in a flash
his handsome face, filled with excitement, was above
her. Sarah felt his rod touch her cunt lips for a
moment, and an instant later she howled as he drove it
into her, almost borne off the bed with the thrust.
She ground back as she felt Freddie pump into her
again, gasping as they loved each other on and on.

"Just... held it off... a little...!" Freddie yelled,
feeling himself about to lose control.

"We're not done... for the night!!" Sarah replied,
practically on fire. He was so hard all over... mmmm,
great body, good lover. And she couldn't wait to feel
his flood rush into her... she grabbed Freddie's head,
pulled him down and kissed him full on the lips. His
lips were so soft, it was almost like kissing a girl.
And the way his chest felt so big and welcoming...

Sarah's mouth gaped, not only because of the cock
finally shooting into her, but also because of what
she saw when she opened her eyes, her lips still on
her lover. She jerked back in alarm; Freddie did have
a big chest, but not that big. Or bouncy. And he
certainly didn't have jet-black hair down to his
shoulders.

"Don't insult the carpet-munchers," Sara Hathaway said
amiably to the shocked ex-Slayer. "That's sort of how
I got the job."

Green shafts of light started to shoot out from
beneath Sarah, held down by Sara, who placed her hands
on the blonde's breasts and began to push. "What the
fuck are you doing...?!" SMG protested, as she felt
herself start to sink into the bed. The bed itself
started to open up, letting out more green light as
Sarah tried to escape, shouting and cursing, demanding
to know where the hell was Fred?!?

"Toodles," Sara cooed, her hands gripping the bedstead
and her legs positioned out of the way of the vortex.
She watched Sarah subside into unconsciousness as the
green opening swallowed her up, and as the bed closed
up, shutting off the light. As it did so, the phone
rang.

"Hi, Sarah? Fred - I'm sorry but I've had to catch a
later flight..."

* * * * * * * * * *

Sarah looked at Penelope's dismembered body on the
grass, and flung the sword away. She wisely chucked it
away from the onlookers, and away from Penelope -
otherwise she could have grabbed it.

Instead Penelope's torso settled for scuttling itself
around as the head blinked. "Haven't you forgotten?"
she chided to astonished looks from Jessica and
Jennifer, if not the rest (certainly not Eliza). "You
can't kill us."

"No, but I can still take it out on you," SMG
answered.

"Better take it out on them," Penelope replied, as her
torso retrieved one of her legs and placed it back on
her body, fusing the pieces together as good as new,
and going for the other leg. "And the lady who owns
that sword is gonna be making sure you don't chicken
out."

"Yeah? Who owns that sword?" asked Sarah.

"She does..." Penelope pointed to a newcomer in the
bunch, the woman who had tossed the sword up. Sarah
and the others faced the woman, a tall, raven-haired,
strappingly-built beauty, eyeing the others haughtily.

She was Xena, a mighty princess forged in the heat of
battle.

* * * * * * * * * *

Tracy and her agent studied the first promotional
poster for "Silencers," in accordance with the deal
giving her approval over publicity, among other
things.

"Listen to these credits and tell me what's wrong,"
Tracy announced, and began to read. "Revolution
Studios Presents - A Wonderland Sound & Vision/C2
Pictures Production in association with Flower Films -
Jessica Alba - Eliza Dushku - Brittany Murphy -
Gabrielle Union - And Introducing Tracy Ryan -
'Silencers' -  Taye Diggs - Natascha McElhone - Eva
Mendes - With Donnie Wahlberg - And Kiefer Sutherland
- Music by Brian Tyler - Special Visual Effects and
Animation by Industrial Light And Magic - Edited by
Andrew Mondshein, A.C.E. - Production Designer George
Liddle - Director of Photography Don Burgess -
Executive Producers McG, Mario Kassar and Andrew Vajna
- Produced by Drew Barrymore and Nancy Juvonen - Story
by Debbie Stevens and Denise Abatemarco & Jeanette
DeKeyser - Screenplay by Victor Thomas & Debbie
Cameron and Debbie Stevens - Directed by Richard
Foster. Now what's wrong with what I just said?"

"You're working on a movie produced by McG?" one wag
suggested.

"No," Tracy replied without a smile. "We made a deal;
I would not be billed as 'And Introducing' - I'd get
TOP BILLING. Seagal got top billing his first time
out..."

"And look what happened to him," another executive
pointed out. "Plus he was producing from the start.
You're just some cutie with nice tits who got lucky."

Tracy glared at him. "You take that back. Right now."

The suited man saw something in Tracy's eyes that
compelled him to apologise. He knew he didn't have to;
he could have fired her, but he just couldn't. He
mentally prepared to explain to her more famous
co-stars why this unknown was going to be billed above
each of them.

* * * * * * * * * *

Will had arranged to meet up with Velma, at long last,
outside the nearest multiplex. She would probably be
late, as all women invariably were; he studied the
posters for coming money-wasters. "Honey" was
something Howard would definitely be front and centre
for, but Will was relieved the ads for "13 Going On
30" wouldn't be up for months; seeing him go ga-ga for
that Garner lady was embarrassing.

"Hey, Will?"

He lifted up the sunshades that he wore in an
unsuccessful attempt to look stylish, and was
delighted with what he saw. He wouldn't have been
surprised had Velma been around 40-something, but here
was this girl in her mid-20s. And she was GORGEOUS!
Will's eyes tore off all her clothes on the spot.
"Velma?" was all he actually said, however.

"You bet," she told him, giving him a hug. "Been
waiting long?"

"Not really," Will lied. "Howard hasn't shown up yet,
though..."

"Oh, he's meeting us in a few minutes. I wanted YOU
for a bit first - I've got someone I want you to
meet."

"You brought a friend? A female friend?" Will couldn't
help asking. 

"A female friend," Velma assured him as they left the
cinema and crossed the street to a limousine waiting
for them. "She's right in here..." and she opened the
door for the eager young man, revealing a young woman
in the back seat. "Will, this is - "

"Nicole Bilderback?" Will finished in surprise.

"She's the one whose form I've got, yeah," Brin
replied. "You must be Will."

She grabbed Will and propelled him into the limo; the
door slammed shut and the limo peeled away. Will, face
pressed into Brin's thighs, tried to get his thoughts
into order... this was all a setup from Howard or
somebody, right? Get the actress who played Brin here
to play an elaborate gag on him, right?  Suddenly he
was picked up and flung to the far end of the
limousine's passenger area.

It wasn't the actress. It was Brin for real. And she
wasn't happy.

"You and I have issues," she said.

* * * * * * * * * *

"What do you mean, we've got issues?"

"Don't play with me, Sara," Lisa Thompson said
quietly. "I know something's going on, and you know
damned well what it is. I didn't mind bringing you up
here and letting you send away Gellar because of how
she was on set, but..."

"How can you tell?" Sara asked, lighting her cigarette
with a burning sheet of Lisa's customised stationery
and ignoring the writer-director's fuming. That paper
cost a lot.

"The way you and Kirsten are on set. It's TOO perfect.
Not a messed take in the bunch now; anyone with sense
knows even the best performers fluff from time to
time, but not the two of you. Not ever. Plus you were
calling her Anna yesterday, just a little thing, just
once, off camera. She didn't correct you." Lisa fixed
a steely glare on Sara. "Now do you want to tell me
what's happening? Like where's the real Kirsten?"

"Where do you THINK she is?" Sara answered. "She's
where I came from. And in a few days she won't be able
to come back. Now if you'll excuse me," she added as
she got to her feet, "we've got a scene to get ready
for..."

"Don't forget it's me who put you where you are now,"
Lisa replied, wisely not trying to sing (unlike Phil
Oakey), "and I can put you back down too."

"Oh, I'm so scared..." Sara mocked, but she stayed
where she was. Because deep down she knew Lisa was
right.

"Okay, Lisa; if you come over to my place tonight
after work, I'll be straight with you."

* * * * * * * * * *

The climb up the cliff was taking longer than Piper
had imagined; the force with which she had hit the
rockface had knocked a lot of energy out of her, and
this being Mouse-protected she couldn't use magic to
get to the top. She was aching, and twice she had
nearly lost her grip, but she had to get to the top.
She HAD to tell someone what she had remembered about
the Threesome.

She looked upwards. She had been climbing for what
seemed like an eternity, and the Castle was closer.
Not much closer, but closer. Piper found another
handhold and kept going, keeping her eyes firmly on
the rocks in front of her face; looking down was a
no-no, looking up wouldn't get her going any faster.
She kept an eye out for any crannies and outcrops,
anything to help her get up to the top. Whatever else
happened, she had to get to the Castle.

* * * * * * * * * *

"So you're the one who's been stealing my thunder,"
Xena announced, bringing Argo to a halt alongside
Sarah. "Puny little thing."

"Where's Gabrielle?" Eliza asked.

"She had her own path to follow. And this isn't a Q&A
session, miss - you have a job to do, so do it.
Otherwise I'll kill you myself."

"I thought you weren't into that anymore," Jennifer
said.

"That's for the purposes of the story," Xena told her.
"Offduty I still have my own life, my own hatreds...
and that includes any rivals."

"But we're all on the same side here!" Jessica argued.

"Speak for yourself," muttered Alex.

"She's right!" Kim shouted. "You're not the enemy -
whoever made Middleton vanish is the enemy! We should
be going after them!"

"Don't listen to them!" Daphne hollered. "Gellar's got
to pay for that movie..."

"See, there you go again! Blaming the performers when
it's the writers who've got to pay!" Jessica parried.

"Someone's got to pay..."

Anna/Kirsten, in the midst of all this arguing, felt
some more voices inside herself starting to build up.
Arguments with some blonde woman... someone who looked
like the short blonde up there with that big
blackhaired woman. She was holding up a script and
flapping it back and forth, yelling that this Thompson
person still thought she was writing spec scripts for
"Touched By An Angel"... Anna/Kirsten had heard all
this before and it was/had been the last straw...

"THE SCRIPT ISN'T THAT BAD, GELLAR!" she screamed loud
enough to cut through the arguing. All the others
turned sharply to look at Anna. Except she wasn't Anna
anymore; that flash had caused more of her real
memories to come back, and as they did, she realised
where she was. And who she was. And how she'd gotten
here.

"What are you talking about, Anna?" asked Clover.

"My name isn't Anna," said the toon, starting to grow
and change. "My name..."

She was still Anna from the waist up, but her legs
were longer and liveaction.

"...is..."

Now her body had become that of a woman, and a
liveaction woman at that.

"...Kirsten Dunst!"

And she had the face as well.

* * * * * * * * * *

Shooting had come to an end on the first of
Jessica/Max's three free days, and director John
Kretchmer had been delighted with the speed; the grind
of episodic television didn't allow for much
dilly-dallying, and the professionalism with which
Jessica had done her work had rubbed off on the entire
crew. By the end, they were actually ahead of schedule
- if they kept this up they might wrap up shooting of
"Never Been Cursed" a day early.

The ladies were also happy with the way it was going;
Rose and Alyssa had stopped complaining about any
silly dreams they had been having, and had even
stopped bugging Michelle to dish the dirt re
Sunnydale. "I don't know why they keep expecting me to
run down Sarah all the time," she told Holly as they
left the set. "She just wants to do the best job
possible, that's all."

"Yeah, but a lot of us like the quiet life as well,"
Holly replied. "You're good though - too bad you can't
be a regular on the show... when this is over maybe
you could come by my place, have a few drinks?"

"A few drinks?!?" Michelle goggled. "I'm still
underage, forgotten?"

"Non-alcoholic," Holly assured her, giving her co-star
a squeeze. "Trust me."

"Well... I guess my parents wouldn't mind. They trust
you."

"But do they trust Jessica Alba?" Holly asked. "She'll
be there as well."

* * * * * * * * * *

"She SHOT me!" Luanne said for the umpteenth time. "I
don't believe it! She actually SHOT me!"

"She shot me as well, but you don't hear me bleating
about it," Shego said tersely, trying to hide the real
pain she felt, because Sydney had shot her in her
natural state. It seared right through her shoulder;
the experience had shocked her enough for Sydney and
Gabrielle to make their escape. Shego started to
transform herself back into Ellen; such a move would
also remove her injury, but it would take time. And
meanwhile Luanne was still rolling around on the floor
in a world of hurt, and every second they spent up
here as cartoons was an extra second the Defiant Ones
out there used to get further away.

Shego twisted Luanne's left nipple hard, ignoring the
yelp. "Shut up and bring on Tracy Ryan again," she
hissed. Luanne nodded, and concentrated on turning
into this year's girl again...

"How'd you find me, Sydney?" asked Gabrielle as they
drove away from the building.

"I told her husband that I'd keep an eye on Shego -
she's Ellen Deveraux - and when I followed her I found
you. I was going to try and get some more intel from
her but when I saw she and Luanne were about to send
you into my territory I figured I had to change my
plans. What we've got to do is keep you safe until
this is all over - "

"No way are you keeping me out of this!" Gabrielle
interrupted. "Not unless you tell me what's going on."

Sydney thought for a moment, then nodded. "You've
heard of Sara Hathaway?"

Gabrielle shook her head.

"She's doing this movie with Kirsten Dunst called
'Saturday'."

"Oh yeah, I heard about that. Haven't seen her yet."

"Yes, you have. You told me you spotted Ellen and
Tracy in an alleyway; Sara looks just like them?"

"You're kidding me... so who does she look like in
real life then? Wilma Flintstone? Marge Simpson? Rocky
the Flying Squirrel?"

"Sara's the prototype," Sydney explained.

"The WHAT?"

* * * * * * * * * *

"The prototype," Xena told the disbelieving others, as
a reconstituted Kirsten looked with mounting rage at
the 'Totally Spies' girls. "She was created by Lisa
Thompson."

"Wait a minute, Lisa Thompson as in Emmy-winning
writer? Lisa Thompson as in 'The Best Of All Worlds,'
'Streetgirl' and 'Black And White'? Lisa Thompson as
in only TV writer-producer to go back and forth
between animation and liveaction regularly? THAT Lisa
Thompson?" Jennifer asked.

"Yep," Penelope replied. "Jessica got it right; Lisa
regularly dreamed herself down here, and figured the
place out pretty soon; she started to think up Sara
Hathaway for a set of her own scripts. Dramas, unsold
pilots, you know the drill. Each time she used Sara
she built her up more, till finally the little honey
was strong enough to come up into the real world. And
Li'l Lisa was the first one to bring a character
there... how? C'mon, Jessie, you can do it."

"She must have had Sara on her mind whenever she went
to sleep," Jessica theorised. "Sooner or later, she'd
manage to bring Sara up here."

"Right," Xena said. "Lisa designed Sara to be
beautiful and sexy to get the men, but also warm and
likeable enough to please women, and to be talented
enough to win over both sides. But there was a little
problem; does anyone here remember 'Land of the
Lost'?"

"A closed universe - to keep the balance, for every
person that left there, someone had to arrive,"
Kirsten answered, still glaring at Clover. "Same basic
principle."

"So Lisa had Sara pretend to be Freddie and fuck me
over. Literally," Sarah finished.

"Why sex?" asked Eliza. "I know it's fun, but..."

"You know what TV's like," Penelope told them. "We
don't get nearly enough of it, so it's really
important to us when we're not havin' to live out what
the Creators think up for us. Even more important to
us than to you. It's also what's gonna save your
friend there..." she pointed to Brittany/The Road
Runner, standing there with that vacant smile the
beeper always sported, but with wet eyes.

"She's still not really a bird yet, but you don't
change her back soon she's gonna stay the beeper
forever."

"And how are we supposed to..." then it hit Jennifer.
And the others.

"It only takes one of you," Xena assured them.

Kirsten stepped away from the WOOHP girls, all
thoughts of vengeance gone from her mind. She had a
fellow actress to save; she grasped the Road Runner's
wings and gave him/her a peck, so to speak, on the
beak. "Beep beep! Beep beep!" trilled the creature,
wrapping his scrawny legs around Kirsten's waist, and
pecked on her face in return.

Kirsten kissed the Road Runner's long, long neck,
massaging his feathery form. Why Wile E. Coyote wanted
to eat something so bony she could never figure out,
but why mess with success? She found what she figured
was the beeper's organ, and started to play with it,
as the wings fluttered around her girlishly gorgeous
body.

"That is fucking disgusting..." Sarah muttered.

"LOOK!" Kim shouted. The Road Runner's legs were
starting to fill out as Kirsten fondled the creature;
her eyes widened as she felt the organs start to mold
themselves... now she was manipulating a vagina. It
was starting to work. Her long fingers continued to
give the creatue a hand job as she kissed its...
his... her... whatever... torso; the grey feathers
were slowly thinning out, and the beeper's neck was
starting to shrink.

"Beep beep! Beep beep!" The wings that fluttered all
over Kirsten began to elongate and shed as they
metamorphosed. The slim blonde moved up the Road
Runner's body and delicately placed his head between
her legs; she unzipped her pants and pulled them down
slightly, and in a trick the late Rod Hull would have
killed to perform with Emu, the Road Runner snatched
Kirsten's panties and tore them off with his beak, and
started to lightly peck at her slot. Kirsten yelped at
his first jabs, and hearing her cry, he settled for
his usual rapid jerking of his tongue as if he was
blowing a raspberry.

Instead he vibrated it around Kirsten's snatch faster
than she or any woman had ever experienced; she found
herself shaking like a leaf as she saw his head
shooting between her legs like a bouncing ball. His
body was smaller now, and it had taken on some weird
shape. Kirsten couldn't talk because of how wonderful
her cunt felt; and feeling his arms playing with her
tits... yes, arms. Now there were only a few feathers
hanging on to them...

Kirsten pulled up the Road Runner, or whatever he was,
pressed him into her arms, and kissed him on his
beak... no, his lips... no, HER lips. A naked and
ecstatic Brittany Murphy returned the favour, and for
the first time in ages the diminutive wide-eyed blonde
could say something other than "Beep beep."

"Welcome back, Brit," Eliza told her, but any more
reunions were interrupted by Xena's familiar cry. 

"Now that I've got your attention," announced the
Warrior Princess, "here's how it's going to go. We're
going to find out a question that has bothered many
Fans for years..."

"How you ended up a Princess?" asked Jessica.

"Yeah, I've been wondering that myself," Penelope
agreed.

"Don't make me do the finger trick," Xena told the two
of them. "The question is: If Xena, Buffy, Max and
Sydney got into a fight, who'd win?"

"All the men watching," Kirsten joked. "Everybody
knows that."

"If I hear one more attempt to be funny, I'm singing
that 'Stop The Pigeon' song." Kirsten made a zipping
motion across her lips.

"Come on," Xena ordered. "We're going to settle this
once and for all. And since Sarah's been here longest,
we'll try and make this fair; if she or I win, you're
staying here as our victims; if Alba or Garner is the
last woman standing, you all get to leave here."

"What if I don't want to leave?" asked Eliza, to looks
from all of them.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brin had blindfolded Will so he would have no idea
where they were going and plugged his ears so no
tell-tale sounds could help him; but it wasn't long
before he felt himself being dragged out of the car
and frogmarched to... well, it wasn't until Brin
removed the blindfold and industrial strength earplugs
that he saw where he was; in a nice, well-furnished
apartment. And Brin was standing in front of him, with
Velma next to her.

"You too, huh?" Howard asked, and Will faced his
friend.

"Yeah, what's with all this secret stuff?"

"My friend and I have a little deal we want to make,"
Velma started. "Mainly with you, Howard."

"Me?" asked Howard.

"HIM?" asked Will. "But I thought this was about me."

"In a way it is," Brin explained, looking with
intensity at Will. "It was your stories that made it
possible for me to come here... your little games. All
of your pretending to like me the best just to be
different; you kept that up all the time. If you
actually meant it it would have been one thing, but
you beat that stupid joke to death. Now Howard here is
the one we want for our little plan because he only
ever writes about ladies he really DOES like."

"But - but you can't prove that I did that stuff,"
Will protested. "And anyway I do like you - everyone
knows you're better than that Jessica Alba - "

"CUT THE CRAP!" Brin shouted. "If Brin was so great
how come they didn't bring her back instead of that
guy Ackles? Alba didn't have enough pull on the show
to do that. Plus try and find any stuff on the net
about me or the girl who I was designed on."

Will was ashen-faced and silent as the Amerasian
trangenic glared at him.

"But thank you for giving me enough strength with your
writings to be dreamed up here," Brin added. "Dreamed
up here by you. Even if you didn't really mean it -
your stories are pretty crappy, which is why we're
going with Howard."

"Then why'd you call him up here?" Howard asked.

"And can you prove you're really Brin?" asked Will.

"You heard the boy," Velma said, and Brin shot over to
Will and had him in a hammerlock faster than you could
say "And." His face twisted into a portrait of pain as
Brin held him, and Velma opened the door to lead the
way out.

"Howard, you and I are going to take the lift down,"
Velma said casually, as Brin and Will stayed behind.
With a grip on Howard's arm equally as tight as the
one Brin had used, the two entered the lift. When the
doors shut, Brin turned to look at the petrified Will.

"Do you know what 'defenestration' is?" she asked
cheerfully.

"Yes..." Will replied in terror.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to throw you out the
window," Brin assured him, and enjoyed his look of
relief.

* * * * * * * * * *

The lift doors opened at the bottom, and Velma and
Howard stepped out; she quickly escorted him to the
stairwell.

Any questions Howard had were answered when they
entered, to find Brin and Will waiting. Just as Max
had once leaped from a high window of a hospital and
survived intact, Brin was standing at the bottom of
the stairs with a big grin on her face, having jumped
down the airshaft from the ninth floor and held Will's
hand all the time, as she did now.

"Any questions?" asked Brin, as she let Will's hand
go, to drop to the floor alongside his dead body.

* * * * * * * * * *

Lisa Thompson sank back onto her bed, worn out after
all of the day's business, but relieved that they were
getting a coherent picture together. She knew that
some TV directors hadn't been able to cut it on the
big screen, but deep down she knew she'd be different;
it was going to be a blast when it was all done. All
that and Sara as well - she was going to come by
later, of that she could be sure; Sara was as
dependable off screen as she was on it. As she thought
that, the bell rang.

"No rest for the wicked," Lisa laughed as she padded
to the door, expecting her leading lady to be there.
She threw it open, her welcoming smile on her face.

"Miss me?" giggled Holly Marie Combs.

"More than you know," the closeted writer-director
told her, ushering Holly inside. HMC kept her own
bisexuality a closely guarded secret, but Lisa - who
was 100% lesbian - had played her cards even closer to
the chest; although she was thankful that she was
strictly behind the scenes after seeing how Ellen
DeGeneres and Rosie O'Donnell had fared after coming
out (though to be fair, it was more to do with Ellen's
sitcom being as funny as a root canal and Rosie having
transformed into the Queen Bitch from Hell after her
show ended), she was still worried about labels.

"I think I should have cast Dawn instead of Buffy,"
Lisa sighed. "Easier life all round."

"Hey, the lesbophobe's gone now," Holly assured her.
"And I'm here..."

Lisa's eyes scanned Holly's form. She was dying to get
her into bed now, but... "I'm actually expecting
somebody."

"Oh, we can be quick," her lover replied. "Save the
workout for the weekend."

Lisa indicated the stairs, and added, "You go first; I
want to look at that ass."

"Awww," HMC pouted. "That's why I wanted you to go
first..."

Lisa watched Holly discard her clothes as she went
upstairs, dropping a trail behind her until she was
walking in front of the writer stark naked. Lisa's
eyes stayed on Holly's round rump, counting the
seconds until she had her lips on it. "Aren't you
stripping off?" HMC asked as she mounted the bed.

Her lover disrobed rapidly, studying Holly looking up
at her. She was easily the most beautiful of the
ladies on her show; even her tattoos weren't a
drawback. Lisa made a mental note to work Holly into
the movie in a cameo before she climbed onto her,
gently running her hands down her body. The two kissed
as if they hadn't seen each other for years, Lisa
stroking Holly's chest tenderly, Holly squeezing the
tall redhead all over. "It's my turn to play the guy,
Lisa," she whispered.

Lisa beamed; there was nothing like feeling Holly
Marie Combs pushing a long hard object into her to
make her feel alive...

* * * * * * * * * *

Piper's hands were bleeding and her strength was
ebbing. But she had made it to the top.

She was hungry, thirsty, and still had a while to go
to meet somebody. But she had made it to the top.

She wearily found another hold, pulled herself onto
the top of the cliff, and rolled onto her back,
exhausted; she looked up at the sky while she caught
her breath. Now all she had to do was get over the
wall of the courtyard, and she'd be inside the Castle.
She lay there for what she hoped was no more than ten
minutes, then made her way to the stone wall. Thank
heaven for 14th century engineering; all cobblestones.
More climbing, but it was easier than if it was
smoothed over -

"Dammit, no," Piper said out loud as it occurred to
her. "This is a CASTLE! There's got to be a drawbridge
or some kind of secret entrance somewhere..." It would
also use less energy than if she had to climb.
Heartened by this realisation, she began to walk along
the wall, hoping she'd find a way in. She didn't know
that the entrance was closer than she thought.

So was Tinkerbell...

* * * * * * * * * *

"SHEEEEEEIIIIITTTTTT!!!!"

Holly pumped herself, or rather her dildo, in and out
of Lisa, who was on Holly's lap and enjoying a second
piece of equipment thrusting in and out of her
asshole. Lisa had been in heaven for the past
half-hour; she had listened to Holly yell curses to
the ceiling as she lavished her lover's beautiful cunt
and anus with her tongue, and Miss Combs had
discovered yet again that redheads tasted even better
than other kinds of women when she had herself a good
munch. Now with the gorgeous, fleshy redhead bucking
away to her, Holly lapped at Lisa's nipples and
slapped her flesh while Lisa screamed out her devotion
to her sweet and sexy Holly... Oh Holly, hot horny
Holly...

Lisa felt as if her lover was running her through with
her passion. She gripped Holly tighter as she felt her
orgasm surging through her; her fingernails digging
into Holly's ass came close to drawing blood as she
shook with her coming. Lisa screamed into Holly's hair
as she held her lover close, and felt HMC quaking as
she herself erupted; her equipment was so deep inside
that their cunts were practically touching.

"OHHHHHHhhhhhh...." Lisa moaned as Holly withdrew,
removed the vaginal and anal dildos and pushed her
cunt close to Lisa's, rubbing them together so the two
damp vaginas could intermingle, and gently put her
hands on her shoulders, fondling her with love. "You
really are magical..."

"I do my best," Holly answered, as they heard the door
bell ring. But Lisa was enjoying her aftermath too
much to answer it. "You just lie back and I'll take
care of it." And with one final kiss, she let Lisa
fall back on the bed and took her leave.

Lisa heard Holly go downstairs; there was some
indistinct conversation, but she didn't care. Unless
it was Sara, but even SHE could wait now... the door
shut, and Holly started coming back upstairs. Lisa
started to open her legs again; she thought Holly
deserved a return engagement.

"She'll wait for you," Holly beamed.

"Good," Lisa murmured happily. "You know baby... I
could die right now and go with a smile on my face..."

She never saw or heard the woman behind Holly. In
fact, she never heard anything again, because a second
after she spoke she blew into a million pieces, all of
which vanished, leaving not a sign she had been there.

"Wow..." Velma said, from her vantage point.

"Yeah, everybody's impressed when they see it the
first time," Piper Halliwell replied as they started
down the stairs. "How did it go with Howard?"

"He'll play along. Not that he has much of a choice,"
Velma replied as she started to transform into Lisa
Thompson.

* * * * * * * * * *

The real Holly Marie Combs had found the entrance just
as she heard a sound drawing nearer from above.

She looked up and screamed as the vengeful fairy dived
in for the kill.

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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