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Message-ID: <43726asstr$1059786606@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Crimson Dragon <dcrimsonp@nym.alias.net>
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} {Reviews} Crimson Reviews - #030 - 01-Aug-2003
Date: Fri,  1 Aug 2003 21:10:06 -0400
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
Approved: <assm@asstr-mirror.org>
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d

-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----

"Babe give you kisses if you hit a rubber duck, now,
 ...
 Eagle all gone, and no more caribou,
 Guns, guns, guns ..."
                        -- The Guess Who

Pirates. Deals. Food for revenge. Racial tension. Mmmm, blowjobs.
Art class. Jehovah's Witnesses of Porn. Rice Crispies. Cooking with
Dinah. Forests.

These are the topics to which we seek enlightenment.

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only 
opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the 
stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author 
know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the 
wind.

 - Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson

Review Archives:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you like the stories contained in these reviews, Rui helps run
the Clitorides, which is a "People's Choice"-type award system
for exceptional erotica. You might want to nominate any story that
tickles you.

Silver: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Clitorides/www/Silver_Clitorides.htm
Golden: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/Clitorides/
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Story Summary:
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A Pirate's Party -- Dryad 
    (MF, Exh)
    [10,10,10,10]

The Deal (Part I and II) -- Conjugate 
    (MF, oral, light bdsm, cons)
    [9,10,10,9]

Frosting -- Couture 
    (Flash, FF, humil, food)
    [9,5,8,7]

Color Bar -- Bradley Stoke
    (MF Caution)
    [10,9,10,8]

Blowjob -- f. aces
    (MF, Msolo, oral)
    [10,10,10,10]

the folio -- Meme Misspelt and Absinthia Vixen 
    (M+F+ mild ws mild femdom)
    [10,10,9,9]

Door to door -- Naive
    (M/F, flash)
    [8,10,8,9]

Rice Crispie Treats -- Dryad 
    (M+F)
    [10,10,10,10]

In the Kitchen, With Dinah -- GenericJoe
    (MMF Wife Oral)
    [9,9,8,7]

The Green Man -- Smilodon
    (F solo?)
    [10,10,10,10]

Reviews:
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A Pirate's Party -- Dryad 
    (MF, Exh)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Dryad/www/piratesparty.html
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/43301

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Dryad/www/

A vacation in the Florida Keys turns up a pirate ship complete with
water guns for the kids, and water cannons for mock battles at sea.
With her husband happily fishing, our pretty narrator finds herself
aboard a play ship surrounded by scantily clad pirates. After
Cameron nails her unintentionally with his water weapon, she needs
to change out of her soaked clothing. The pirate Captain, Evan,
offers her crew attire, mixed with a few surreptitious glances in a
mirror as she changes. And so, the outing becomes a little more
interesting for our heroine.

I really enjoyed this story. I wondered exactly where Dryad was
going to take this tale -- there were so many opportunities and
places for her to take it. But where she ultimately went and where
she ended up, at least for me, was far sexier and realistic than a
full blown orgy that could just as easily have been her destination.

A quiet, but powerful Eros here, combined with a fun writing style.
Loved the rigging scenes. Don't know why -- or maybe I do. Enjoy.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

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The Deal (Part I and II) -- Conjugate 
    (MF, oral, light bdsm, cons)

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/43505

Author's Other Works:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=conjugate&index=name&submit=Search

It's mighty difficult to ignore a wonderfully nude woman lying
languidly on a bed, isn't it? What about agreeing to nearly anything
she asks? What if the deal is: that if she can beat the clock by
creating the perfect blowjob, that our sucker ... er ... husband
does whatever she wants? If she fails? She does whatever he wants --
within reason.  Sound fair?

It isn't. But I'll leave you to find out who wins.

I liked this story. Don't worry about the light bdsm codes.
Conjugate is simply playing here, and while it is technically
correct, it is *really* light compared to some around here. It's
actually what the story codes can't mention (and I won't either)
that might bother some. But even that is minor. Perhaps only enough
to drop a meaningless Dragon rating from an otherwise 10 to a 9.

The sex is really well described, and for such detail, I'm surprised
that it wasn't over the top. It fit the story really nicely. Our
characters had life, and energy, and realism to them. The plot was
light, but it fit, too. Deal indeed.

The only thing I can mention to watch was a minor consistency
problem. Maybe I misread something, but I read the section twice and
still managed confusion. He's on his hands and knees, and then she's
riding him? I think it needed a segue, given the circumstance. If I
merely missed the segue (twice), then it probably needed to be more
clear. But that's minor.

Overall, it's a nicely written fantasy piece. Mostly about the sex,
but with real characters and fun deals.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :    9

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Frosting -- Couture 
    (Flash, FF, humil, food)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Couture/www/frosting.htm
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/43397

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Couture/www/

When Susie steals Becky's boyfriend, she isn't bitter, is she? I
mean, would a bitter person bake Susie chocolate cake in
celebration?

This is a rather unique piece of writing. It's clever, and I have
the utmost respect for it. I found that the underlying story and
images were too ... I don't know ... ugly for it to be sexy, but
others might easily disagree. I think Couture was trying for this
effect though.

What was exceptionally clever is the full cycle, and subtle exposure
of vengeance, even while it isn't appealing (it shouldn't be, should
it?) What I'm trying to say here, is that while this didn't wildly
appeal to me, I do think it is a really interesting piece of
writing. Go read it. It's short, and you can make your own
judgements.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :    5
Character/Plot  :    8
Crimson         :    7

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Color Bar -- Bradley Stoke
    (MF Caution)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Bradley_Stoke/www/16_Color_Bar.htm
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/43408

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Bradley_Stoke/www

Tizzy arrives from the big city to meet her sister in Tramsville
where the only bar that will admit her is a grungy hole at the
Breckenridge Inn. When Edith is late, Tizzy finds out the hard way,
that life in the South isn't quite the same as life in the North.

I was going to push some buttons, pointing out that the title was
misspelled. After all, I happen to know that Bradley uses British
spellings. What could be worse than misspelling a title? And then I
realised that this is done with clever purpose. I suspect that it
might be something that many people will miss.

Bradley, as often is the case, explores racial tensions and
inequity. The story isn't about the sex, and certainly doesn't
glorify the treatment of Tizzy, but rather seeks to shock and expose
racial inequity for the monster that it is. I was going to score
this story with a zero in Eros, and that is probably what Bradley
would expect and desire for this tale. I'd even scored it thus,
until I began to write the review and think more about what Bradley
had written.

You see, there is subtle Eros in the story, if only in the
expression of humanity that instils this piece. Eros is not simply
the blind application of sex, and the score below certainly does not
reflect the quality, pleasure or heat of the sex scene that was
inevitable in this story. No, rather, I've given the Eros score
below to reflect the expression of humanity that Bradley achieved
here, both with Tizzy, and her sister, and even the bartender. It is
more of a sororal Eros, rather than a sexual one. I hope this
doesn't confuse too many people. Ah, read the story, if you want to
know what I mean.

Now, having said all that, as you might imagine, the story is a
downer. And while it is certainly a well-written, worthwhile downer,
I wasn't in the mood this time. Nevertheless, everyone should read
stories like this, if for nothing else, the depth, and commentary.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :    8

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Blowjob -- f. aces
    (MF, Msolo, oral)

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/43673

Author's Other Works:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=f.+aces&index=name&submit=Search


If I had any idea what this was truly about, I would give you a
better synopsis, but I don't and I can't, and that isn't a
criticism.  We have a girl, and as the title suggests, she's giving
a blowjob to our narration voice. And our narrator's mind wanders,
and what paths it wanders.

The story has a unique voice to it, quite extraordinary. Raw.
Close. Personal. Real. Powerful. I can't deny the seductive draw,
even while f. aces flaunts "normal" technique. It doesn't matter.
The story is clear, well written, and sexy as hell though you really
have to read it, because I can't adequately describe it.

I'm going to point out a couple of technical items, but honestly,
I'm on shaky ground here. The style is so unusual, and so effective,
at least for this type of story, I'm going to recommend that f.
aces, even if he or she sees this review, to completely ignore the
technical points because I honestly think they are part of the
style, and the style works. Nevertheless:

[ She comes up, ``{you're} tense, again.'' ]

Under normal circumstances, "you're" should be capitalised. I don't
think it would hurt to do it here, but then again, it doesn't really
detract from the passage either as it is.

Yes, I know that the introduction is odd, and probably technically
incorrect, too, but it fits perfectly into the style, and I would
strongly recommend against changing that. You really have to see it
in context to know what I mean.

[ We go to bed to sleep, and in the morning she and her {fourty}
  dollars are gone. ]

I've seen this before. I know it doesn't make sense, but 'tis
spelled thus: 'forty'. Again, it somehow doesn't detract from the
passage, even while I think it would work if correctly spelled.

This story is certainly worth reading. It's different, and quite
unique, sexy, and human. Seriously. What more can you want?

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
the folio -- Meme Misspelt and Absinthia Vixen 
    (M+F+ mild ws mild femdom)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/meme_misspelt/www/stories/fol01_special_collections.html
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/43381

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/meme_misspelt/www/

Matt arrives at the library to research an art paper. Our pretty
librarian escorts him upstairs, to a little used section, and guides
him to a particular folio that she insists will be interesting.
After she wanders away, Matt checks out the folio, only to discover
rather dull symmetrical pieces. That is, they are uninteresting
until he stumbles across the photographs of the woman. He can't help
himself, and he reaches down to release some tension when our
librarian returns to catch him in the act. And she's not alone.

Technically, the story is wonderful. Only one minor comment:

[ One of the men stood ahead of her and just to her left. He was pissing 
  on the ground in front of her. In the reverse three-quarter view, Matt 
  could just see the suggestion of a smile in the line of her cheek, and 
  the tip of her tongue extended just millimeters from the yellow curve. ]

I count three uses of the word 'just' in as many sentences. It's
okay to do that if you are making a point, but I think it was merely
an oversight here. It's not incorrect exactly; simply poor style.
There are many words that could be used instead that would be far
more effective.

But other than this, the story is written exceptionally well.

Even while I'm not a fan of all of the sexual themes represented
here, even I have to admit that the story is damn sexy. The themes
fit into the story, and while I want to categorise this story as a
stroke story because of the quantity (and quality) of the sexual
scenes, I can't. There is story and character here even if all is
not completely explained. Meme (and Vixen) claim that there may be
further stories on the theme. I hope there are, though this story
does stand nicely on its own.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    9
Crimson         :    9

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Door to door -- Naive
    (M/F, flash)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/naive/www/doortodoor.html
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/43502

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/naive/www/

Kenny (related to our Kenny?) is visiting the neighbourhood
door-to-door bearing (baring?) his message of peace and love. No,
Kenny is not a Jehovah's Witness (how do these rumours get started,
anyway?). Kenny is the ambassador of porn, seeking to show the world
that authors and purveyors of the written pornographic world are not
all freaks and outcasts (are we?).

So, this nice young woman opens her door, and Kenny begins his
spiel, complete with sexy passages. Our neighbour girl gets a little
flustered, and, well, basically agrees with Kenny's message of peace
and especially love.

[ A young woman answered. She was wearing a gray business dress with 
  jacket. Her hair was tied back and her green eyes seemed to flick 
  over him, measuring, weighing him. She was slightly taller, even 
  without the {heals} she was wearing. ]

I thought 'heal' was a verb ...

[ "No, no, ma'am." He stuttered completely at a loss by her gruff and 
  upfront manner. ]

Now, this is an interesting sentence. When I read it, 'completely'
ran as an adverb into 'stuttered'. But it isn't meant that way.  It
actually is describing the subject of the sentence 'He' as part of
an adjective phrase. I really think it needs a comma, but those
better at grammar than I should probably jump in and correct me if
I'm wrong.

I would have placed a comma after 'ma'am' and decapitalised 'He' as
well, simply because the dialogue could have been 'stuttered' and so
the latter sentence doesn't really stand on its own.

[ ... into the living room. It was nicely furnished with {flours} and 
  family photos. ]

I read a Winnie the Pooh book recently (don't ask ...) where our
Pooh Bear was helping Roo bake a cake for his mother's birthday.
(Yes, I have a point). When Rabbit advised Pooh that his cake was
missing flour ... well, the silly old bear went hunting for roses,
and daffodils, and even thistle. It think we have the reverse
problem here, even if it is only a typo. ('course Naive may have
meant 'flours', but I don't think so, given the rest of the context)

Anyhoo, don't get me wrong. The technical aspects of the story
are pretty much fine. I'm nitpicking, mostly because I know Naive
wants the feedback. The above commentary makes it out to be worse
than it is. The technical scores will still be reasonably high,
because Naive doesn't do a bad job. This one was probably written in
haste, and sometimes a spell checker isn't quite enough on its own.
The only problem is, for any flash piece, even small technical
errors stand out (and I tend to mark them harder).

I liked the premise, and the characters. It's a fun story.  
Go read it.

Technical       :    8
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    8
Crimson         :    9

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Rice Crispie Treats -- Dryad 
    (M+F)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Dryad/www/ricecrispie.html
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/43447

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Dryad/www/

Two Dryad stories in one review? Oh well ... it was worth it.

Now, we all know that Tracy throws wild parties. She always has,
even as long ago as high school. And her Halloween parties really
rock. If it's not strange Scots in kilts (and not much else), it's
college aged girls arguing about whose breasts are nicer. So, Kelly
arrives in her cruise director costume, and partakes of some
strangely salty rice crispy treats from the potluck table.  She
spies three guys that she doesn't immediately recognise, wearing
baker's outfits.

Later, after a few drinks, she works up the courage to approach the
three, and introduce herself. Then the party really starts getting
wild.

Wow. Dryad has captured the essence of this story nearly perfectly.
I felt like I was there watching the girls dance topless on the
coffee table, watching Tracy getting it on with the kilt-guy. The
whole experience had this ... surrealistic feel. And as most of you
know, I like surrealistic.

Oh? You wanted to know about the sex? Let's just say that I wasn't
expecting much (M+ codes generally don't interest me all that much).
Dryad has outdone herself with this story.  The sex is wild, and
hot, and everything that a sex scene should be. It simply worked.

Grab this story and enjoy it.

Because you may never get the recipe.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
In the Kitchen, With Dinah -- GenericJoe
    (MMF Wife Oral)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/genericjoe/www/dinah.html
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/43398

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/genericjoe/www/

Tom, the illustrious geek with no social life, has moved into a new
apartment. Lacking a girlfriend at the moment, he wanders down to
the park to watch surreptitiously women jog. One day, a tall
well-built girl is on the track, and catches him staring at her.
Embarrassed, he gets up to leave. She catches up to him, and
introduces herself. Dinah. But Dinah is married, and Tom is mighty
confused.

I liked the story in many ways, and in others it strained the limits
of my disbelief. Might simply be me -- Dragons can be fickle. The
premise is wonderful -- geeky lonely boy meets gorgeous
next-door-neighbour who not only cooks but loves to fuck and has
the freedom to do so. But to be honest, I found myself bogged with
all the baggage that is introduced by her being married. To me, it
seemed like the only reason this was in the plot was to provide
titillation to those that enjoy the forbidden fruit of cheating
scenarios while trying to justify a guilt-free enjoyment. Hey,
that's fair enough, and will probably be effective, but it lost me a
little.

On the other hand, Joe is desperately trying for character and plot
here. His main character does consider the situation strange and
nearly unbelievable as most of the readers might. And Joe does an
admirable job of nearly pulling it off. Personally, I think there
are more aspects to it that Joe didn't touch on. But to continue
with the story, I found the end result almost forced into where Joe
wanted to go, rather than where the story wanted to go naturally, if
that makes any sense. It's difficult to describe, but those are the
feelings that infused me as I read it. I just report 'em. I guess I
had some trouble identifying with Tom and Dinah.

I was going to end this here, but then my mind continued to analyse.
Something bothered me. So bear with me a little longer.

After thinking about it, my mind dwelt upon some admittedly minor
inconsistencies. Firstly, when we are introduced to Dinah, she is
described as tall -- nearly six feet. Now, I realise that it is
important to describe such things, and it isn't overboard -- she's
not really a Tiffany character -- but then later she needs help to
reach a pan in the kitchen, even saying that she normally needs a
chair. Later, she needs to reach up to kiss Tom. Now, all this can
be explained by Tom being exceptionally tall. But it isn't. Dinah is
described in detail as Tom meets her, but the simple fact that Tom
must be exceptionally tall to explain some of the actions is never
mentioned? Favouritism? Well, I suppose it is natural to describe
the character in whom the author is more interested, but ... when it
comes to plot and consistency, I think it required more.

Similarly with character. Our Tom is laid out to be a typical
computer nerd. That's fine (though I think Dinah's interest needs
more explaining, given the image I get of a typical computer nerd).
He wanders through the story, angst ridden about the strangeness of
his situation. He debates with himself as most would. What should he
do? But in the end, he opts to take advantage of the situation --
he's only a typical male, after all. Doesn't seem consistent with
his character. Why have him make a shallow decision in the end? What
is the purpose of all the indecision and angst?  It's not badly
handled, but as a reader, I found it kind of an odd place to end up,
especially given the attempt at character.  It was inconsistent, and
I think we needed more insight into why and how our Tom ends up
being Machiavellian after all. I'm not saying that the story should
go in a different direction, simply that it needed more character to
support it and to be more believable.

Anyway, taken for what it is, rather than for what it's not, the
story is well written, and certainly makes effort at character and
plot. There is nice sexual tension and build up, as well as
denouement. Needs some smoothing through some parts, I think, but
overall, a very nice effort.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :    8
Crimson         :    7

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Green Man -- Smilodon
    (F solo?)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/SM/wwwilodon/GreenMan.htm
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/43394

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/SM/wwwilodon/

Don't go into the woods, her mother warned her. But, of course, like
all youth, the advice is never heeded. And so, she wanders into the
woods, innocent and pristine, but emerges changed like the seasons
that whirl around us.

For such a short piece of writing, this is remarkably powerful. I
mean, Smiley always has been a good author, but this piece is
remarkable in its Eros, its simplicity, its metaphor and its
subtlety.

*This* is what flash fiction should be. Read it.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------

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-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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