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Subject: {ASSM} Story Repost - Diary of Carolyn - Part 1
Date: Sun, 27 Jul 2003 17:10:03 -0400
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Diary of Carolyn 1 - 15
Copyright 1997
Skull Duggery
This is a work of fiction.






STANDARD DISCLAIMER

    This story was written by ME. It contains words and phrases of a
sexual nature. I personally do not care who or what reads it or what
age they are as long as it brings them any measure of enjoyment.
However to satisfy the paranoid among us this disclaimer forewarns
them of the possible decline in their perceived level of morality by
continuing past this point.
              > . <





DIARY OF CAROLYN
Copyright 1997
Skull Duggery
This is a work of fiction.



Chapter 1

    My name is Carolyn James. I am presently twenty four years of age.
What follows is a compilation of my personal diary from the age of
thirteen to about age nineteen. It is a fairly detailed description of
my experiences in self imposed bondage and personal pain infliction. I
am certain there are others who participate in this type of sexual
deviance (deviance meaning only different) therefore I sincerely hope
they enjoy this personal account of my pains and pleasures. For those
who think me to be crazy, evil, or just plain out of my mind, be
careful to keep concealed whatever secret fantasies you have (we all
have them) otherwise you might really screw up and cause yourself some
real pleasure.

    I was born in the town of Hammond in the mid western state of
Indiana. My parents were average middle class rural American people
with enough income to live a very comfortable life. I was also an only
child due to complications at my birth leaving my mother unable to
conceive any more children. Although it would have been nice to grow
up with another brother or sister, being an only child did have it's
advantages. Actually, when I think back over my childhood, my mother
was most affected by her unfortunate sterility. I didn't see it when I
was young but she had few friends and spent much of her time either
reading or doing house work or fiddling with this or that to occupy
her time. Although she in no way abused or mistreated me, I've always
felt she somehow blamed me for her inability to conceive another
child.

    My father worked as a farm implement salesman. This, however, kept
him away from home much of the time due to the great distances he had
to travel servicing the various farms in Indiana and Illinois. He was
almost always home on the weekends but in general would only pop in
one night during the week and that would be only to catch a few hours
of much needed sleep. Of course, not knowing how my mother was before
I was born, and however introverted she had become, my father was just
the opposite. He always seemed full of energy and it is difficult for
me to recall a time when he wasn't smiling or laughing or telling
stupid salesman and the farmer's daughter jokes. It is only recently
I've come to realize how much I missed him as a child.

    I had always been skinny as a child. Not what you would call
undernourished, but until I was about fourteen I guess I did resemble
a proverbial fence post. Actually it was during my thirteenth year
that I started to develop in many ways. My breasts began to emerge
along with the first signs of pubic hair at the top of my vaginal
slit. I gained a little weight, that is, at least by the time I was
fourteen my elbows and knees no longer looked larger than the limbs
they were joined to. I also began my monthly period which scared the
hell out of me as no one had thought to inform me about this little
part of puberty. Well, as I'm sure you realize, I survived this
momentous event, and after a few frantic moments of believing I would
surely bleed to death, my mother managed to explain the facts to me. I
learned very little about the facts of life from my mother. She never
was good at talking about anything sexual, consequently, most all my
sexual education I had to gain for myself.

    Having to learn about your own sexuality by yourself isn't all
bad. Although perhaps somewhat frustrating, having no particular
guidance or encouragement, I was able to experiment in many ways not
open to most pubescent teens. Also, by not having the normal
puritanical fears instilled in my brain, if it felt good to me, I
could do it without all of those false guilt getting in the way of my
sexual fulfillment. Consequently, after some initial blind
experimentation, I was able to achieve some of the most fantastic
orgasms possible with solo sexual stimulus.

    I spent most of my fourteenth year satisfying myself with normal
masturbation using only different positions to break the monotony. I
dated a few boys that I went to school with and even had intercourse
several times. But the boys were so damn awkward that I would have to
masturbate when they were finished to get myself off. This practice,
unfortunately, did little to support their fragile egos and I found it
increasingly difficult to find dates.

    By the time I was fifteen my puberty was mostly a memory. My
breasts had developed to a somewhat small but very firm size with two
perfect eraser type nipples surrounded by quarter sized aureole. I
still had rather small boyish hips but with my long legs and slender
frame I felt that I looked OK anyway. Besides, what had started as a
little tuft of pubic hair, had since blossomed into a perfect triangle
of carpet thick hair that protruded a good three inches out from my
flat abdomen and completely covered my vagina. Anyone doubting my
maturity would think otherwise if they ever saw me bottomless.

    Finding pain to be a sexual aphrodisiac happened quite
accidentally. With my father away on business for most of the time,
and my mother normally engrossed in her own interests, I could lock
the door to my room and do whatever pleased me without fear of being
disturbed. I'm not exactly sure why, but one evening I had masturbated
for nearly half an hour and could not reach a climax. I became
frustrated with myself and actually a bit angry. As I continued
rubbing my clitoris, and out of frustration, I pinched my nipple as
hard as I could sending a great amount of pain through my breast. To
my amazement I immediately began to climax.

    My climax lasted much longer than usual and was considerably more
intense. When it was over I actually lay back panting from the
experience. After a few moments I started to play with my nipples
again. Still feeling the effects of my previous orgasm, my nipples
became hard and erect almost immediately. As I lay upon my bed working
my nipples between my fingers, I found that if I alternately squeezed
them to the point of pain, my vagina would tingle and I would feel
another orgasm building from the nipple stimulation alone. I achieved
orgasm three more times that night before falling asleep exhausted
from this most pleasing ordeal.

    As it happened, the next day was a school holiday. I awoke around
sunrise mostly from habit but also from an incredible wet dream I was
having. I cannot count the number of times I have climaxed from my
first until last night but I can tell you that none were as fantastic
as my last four. As I climbed out of bed, my arm brushed across my
nipples causing me to jump. I figured I must have really gotten
carried away during my orgasms judging by the tenderness of my
nipples. Anyway, I made my way to the bathroom, took a long hot
shower, slipped on my bathrobe and went downstairs for breakfast.

    As usual, my mother was still asleep. She rarely got up before
noon except for when my dad was home. Actually, it suited me fine as
my mother and I had little in common anyway. I noticed that I was
becoming a little excited as my robe brushed over my tender nipples as
I went about fixing breakfast. I ate my breakfast quickly. I wanted to
get back to my room and see if I could manage a repeat performance of
last night. It's always fun to experiment with any new found turn on.

    Once back in my room, I locked the door and removed my bathrobe. I
then stood in front of my full length mirror and studied my maturing
fifteen year old body. I turned sideways and back carefully inspecting
every part of myself I could get into view. I had pretty much already
decided I wasn't a raving beauty but all in all I was no dog either. I
stood only about five foot four but my one hundred five pounds was
well distributed and I did have long legs. I ran my hands slowly
around by breasts and sucked in my already flat stomach as I rested my
hands on my hips. All in all, I was satisfied with the way I looked.

    While still looking at myself in the mirror, I started to run my
fingers through my pubic hair. I liked the fact that it was so soft
and thick as I rubbed back and forth touching my clit every now and
then. I thought to myself as I rubbed, I may not have the biggest tits
of the other girls my age at school, but having seen all of them naked
in the locker room at one time or another, I definitely had the
prettiest crotch. My hair grew in a perfect triangle. It didn't
straggle above the hair line or down my thighs. It just started thick
and grew the same all the way to my ass hole. To this day I could
never understand why a woman would shave or trim their pubic region to
look like a little girl considering that when we were little girls how
we prayed for the hair to grow so we would look like women.

    I had passed my sixteenth birthday before I had done much other
than pinching my own nipples. This was partly due to having found a
boy friend who was able to actually pay attention to my needs before
completely filling his. We had a wonderful time together, and I
believe we were in love. At least as much in love as any two people
our age could be. I know without any doubt it broke my heart when his
father changed jobs and he had to move away. I think that feeling of
complete and utter despair, having lost someone I loved, gave me my
first insight into how my mother must have felt over the years.
However, after a couple of weeks of moping around and feeling
depressed, the beautiful summer weather overtook my sadness and I
returned to being normal. As long as you consider alone normal. You
do, don't you? Don't bother to answer, I'm sure you do.

    My father may have worked selling farm equipment, but the only
things a farm and our house had in common were that it was two miles
to our nearest neighbor and we had about ten acres of thick woods
behind us. Don't misunderstand me, there were no packs of wild animals
roving around or anything. It may have been rural but it wasn't the
sticks. No hillbillies either. I'm sure if it had been my desire, and
if I could have figured a way, I could have lured the entire town here
one by one, then killed and buried them without a trace. I must put
that thought out of my mind. In case I hadn't mentioned, I still live
here.

    During my sixteenth year while on summer vacation from high school
is when I progressed to some pretty bizarre shit. At least it was in
my view at the time. I acquired a great fascination for the local
hardware store that summer. I still wonder today if the store clerk
ever had a clue what a sixteen year old girl was doing with all those
clips, little chains, lead plum bobs, and other assorted items she
purchased from him.

    I would try to be up just after sunrise in the morning on days
when I was going to go on one of my escapades. I would gather whatever
gadgets I intended to use that day and put them in a small duffel bag.
I would usually put on only a sweat shirt and shorts as once I was out
of sight in the woods, I would spend the rest of the day naked. Once I
was just past the woods edge, I would remove whatever clothes I had on
and leave them under some leaves by this old tree. I left my clothes
there for a reason. Somehow it added to the level of excitement, being
totally naked in the woods and not having any choice in the matter
unless I could get back to my clothes. As I normally went a couple of
miles deeper into the woods, you can see the problem if I accidentally
ran into other people who may also be poking around the woods.

    The following account is of one particular autumn day just before
I was to start my junior year of high school. If there ever was a day
when Murphy's Law ruled, this was it. Although if it could possibly
fuck up, it would fuck up, but it was also the most wonderful, the
most scary, and the most sexually satisfying day of that entire
summer. I am going to do my best to describe the whole days experience
in as much detail as possible.

    It was around six thirty in the morning when I arrived at the tree
where I deposited my clothing to be retrieved at the end of the day
when I returned. I covered my small bundle with leaves the same as I
had done every other time. The first thing I began to feel after
donning my birthday suit, was cold. Summer nights in Indiana seldom
drop below sixty degrees but a cold front must have passed through
during the night. I don't know exactly what the temperature was, but
it was cold enough to bring millions of tiny goose bumps to my bare
skin and set my teeth to chattering constantly. Oh well, the sun was
already above the horizon, it would start to warm up in an hour or so,
I figured I could take it that long anyway.

    I had planned this day to begin by putting two metal adjustable
serrated clamps on each nipple. This I did before beginning my trek
deeper into the woods. I tightened each clamp until the pain was close
to my limit of endurance. I knew from experience the pain would
subside after a while and I would need to keep tightening them at
intervals to maintain the level of pain I desired. I then proceeded to
walk on deeper into the woods listening carefully for the sounds of
any others who might also be in the woods. I did not want to be
surprised by some lost camping family and have to explain what I was
doing completely nude with metal clamps hanging from my nipples. I
mean, they may not understand.

    I had walked for about an hour when I stopped by this big rock I
had been to several times before. It wasn't until I stopped that I
realized it wasn't warming up very much. While I had been walking, the
pain in my nipples compounded by the bouncing of the heavy clamps, had
kept my mind off the temperature. I re tightened my nipple clamps a
little and quickly the level of pain shot back up to where I drew a
sharp breath. Although I was shivering enough that if I tried to speak
the words came out in a staccato that would have been hard to
understand, between that and the pain racing through my tits, I could
feel an orgasm building rapidly. This I did not want. I knew from
experience that one huge climax was better than a bunch of little ones
and I had vowed I was going to push myself to my limit of endurance
and fully expected to have an orgasm that would melt me down into a
smoldering mass, if that were possible.

    I was beginning to wish I had brought my clothes along this time.
Who would have figured on a cold snap in the first week of September
anyway? And to top it all off, the sky had clouded over and I could
barely see the sun. I thought about calling off my plans, but this
would be the last weekday I would be out of school for a long time. My
father was home on weekends and if I waited until my next weekday
opportunity, it would sure as hell be colder than this. Having thought
it all over, and since I had come this far anyway, and in spite of all
my discomfort, I really was having a good time.

    I was about another hours walk to the old pump house where I had
planned to end the second leg of my ordeal. Deciding it was time to up
the stakes, so to speak, I chose to add weights to my nipple clamps. I
withdrew two sixteen ounce lead plum bobs from my duffel and attached
two twelve inch pieces of shoe lace, one to each one pound weight. I
then tied the free ends to my clamps.

    With everything ready, I spent a few moments mentally preparing
myself for the sharp increase in pain I knew two pounds of weight
hanging from my tender nipples would undoubtedly cause. The first time
I let go of the weights I had to grab them again after about thirty
seconds as the pain was more than I could handle. I almost grabbed
them on my second attempt, but absolutely forced myself to leave them
hanging as I gathered up the duffel bag. Believe me, at this point I
was in sheer agony. As I started walking, I found it impossible to
prevent the weights from swinging and banging into each other as I
walked along. It was sort of weird though. I was so cold I was covered
with goose bumps but at the same time I could feel beads of sweat
forming on my forehead.

    I wasn't making very good progress. Every time the weights would
hit each other it would send daggers of pain all throughout my chest.
And each time I would have to stop for a few seconds while the pain
eased up enough for me to be able to stand it the next time the
weights banged each other. And that was about every fourth step.
Another problem that I was having was I could feel the clamps slowly
slipping from my nipples. The thought of having to tighten them more
brought a feeling of fear to the pit of my stomach.

    Fear or no fear, I knew what I had to do. This entire ordeal,
between the pain, the cold, and my uncertainty if I could stand it
all, had me so unbelievably horny I wasn't about to quit now. I
gritted my chattering teeth and tightened each clamp until I actually
cried out from the agony that engulfed me. The pain was so intense I
nearly lost control of my bladder. I reached down to cover my pee hole
when I felt my urine start to drip but the feeling that shot through
my vagina from just the touch of my finger drove me to brink of
orgasm. Tears were running down my cheeks as I started walking but the
thought of the mega orgasm I knew I would have if only I could make it
to the pump house kept me going.

    The cloud cover started to burn off shortly after I started
walking again and the sun, now fairly high in the sky, began to
quickly take the chill from the air. By now it was probably about ten
o'clock and for the first time in three and a half hours I had stopped
shivering. The warm autumn sun felt good on my naked skin. I still
wasn't making very good time although the pain in my nipples and
breasts had become slightly more tolerable. Even though I had only
gone about one fourth of the way to the pump house, I needed to stop
and rest. The combination of the intense pain and the extra exertion
required to walk while trying to control the motion of the swinging
weights was taking its toll.

    I carefully eased myself down next to an old log and then lay back
letting the two lead weights fall to the ground on either side taking
the strain off my throbbing tits. The air had really warmed up a lot.
In fact, it was starting to actually get hot. Most of the pain had
subsided and it felt really good laying in the warm sun. I considered
removing the clamps from my nipples but from experience I knew after
the circulation had returned, they would be far to sore for me to put
them back on. So I just closed my eyes and ran my fingers through my
bush teasing myself with thoughts of things to come.

    I must have been more exhausted than I realized. The mid afternoon
sun bathed my body with it's hot rays filtering down through the
leaves as I awoke. A little groggy from my nap I felt panicked
thinking I had slept away the whole day. After a couple of minutes I
regained my bearings and by the position of the sun I knew it was only
about two in the afternoon. I had napped longer than I had wanted to,
but I figured I could still make the pump house and still get home by
dark.

    Having rested, my excitement again began to build. As I got myself
to my feet, and the weights brought the fire like pain back to my
breasts, I began to fantasize that I was prisoner being forced to make
this trek through the woods. I imagined that when I had refused to
give my imaginary captors the information they wanted, I had been
stripped naked and marched through the woods with my nipples under
torture. As I walked along becoming more absorbed in my fantasy, I
imagined since I had come this far without breaking, that my captors
must intend to increase my torture by now. My tits hurt like hell, but
I was getting so excited by my little fantasy, I started to think of
ways to make my pain worse.

    I had two more sixteen ounce weights in my duffel along with some
more clips and shoe lace. I didn't think by the looks of my nipples
that they could stand any more weights attached without causing some
permanent damage, so, I began to consider some other possibilities.
With my limited inventory of devices, I imagined my captors had
decided to torture my pussy for the rest of the way. I stopped and dug
the weights and laces out of my bag and attached the clamps to my
pussy lips just below my clitoris as I squatted on the forest floor. I
tightened the clamps until my eyes started to water from the pain,
then, thinking my imaginary captors wouldn't be so kind, I gave each
one another half turn more.

    If I had so much as touched my clit I would have orgasmed
uncontrollably. My bladder was also full and thought about relieving
myself while I was squatted down but going back to my fantasy, my
captors wouldn't allow me to piss, they're trying to make me talk,
they want me to suffer as much as possible knowing if they don't get
me to talk before we reach the pump house, they will have failed.
Slowly I stood up. Totally engrossed in my fantasy, I told myself I
wouldn't satisfy my captors by crying out, but when my labia lifted
two pounds of lead from the ground, I could not keep the scream that
followed from echoing through the woods fantasy or not. Every exhale
of breath brought at least a loud moan from my lips as forced myself
on through the woods with four pounds of lead weights swinging to and
fro supported only by some of the most tender and sensitive parts of
my body. The morning cold had turned into a typical ninety degree
autumn Indiana day.

    My body glistened in the afternoon sun from the sweat coming from
every pore. My mind moved from fantasy to reality and back as I
endured the mind numbing pain. Just as I thought I couldn't possibly
stand it any longer, the old pump house came into view. I mustered
every ounce of determination I had. I screamed with every heaving
breath as I went the final steps. Ha ha, I made it.

    I sunk to my knees next to the pump house, breathing heavily as
the perspiration dripped from every part of me. Supporting myself
against the wall with my left hand, I eased my other down through my
sweat matted pubic hair and flicked my clitoris only once when the
first wave of orgasm exploded through me. I buried my middle finger
deep into my vagina while rubbing my swollen clit with my thumb
bringing on a second and more powerful orgasm that nearly caused me to
pass out. No longer able to control my bladder, the warm piss sprayed
onto my hand as I continued jerking myself off. I can't begin to tell
you how many times I climaxed, but when it was finally over, my body
was nothing but a sweat soaked, shuddering mass of exhausted flesh
curled up on the forest floor. It was at least half an hour before I
regained enough strength to remove my clamps and weights.

    I went inside and pumped some cool water from the old well.
Placing myself under the pump spout I let the cool water run all over
me. The cool water felt so good. My legs were still shaking from the
post orgasmic state I was in. I just stood there, massaging my sore
nipples and pussy with the cool water until I realized how much time
had passed. I took one last drink of water and went back outside. The
sun was now low in the western sky. Feeling a bit of panic knowing I
had spent way to much time here I gathered my little devices into my
duffel. I checked around to make sure nothing was forgotten, and
started back the way I came.

    The sun was setting rapidly and I cursed myself for wasting so
much of the day asleep. I was also upset that I hadn't been more
prepared, I mean, I didn't even bring a flashlight, and at this time
of year when the sum went down it got very dark very quickly. It also
got very cold. I wasn't unfamiliar with the woods as I had made this
trip before. It's just that I had never done it at night. Maybe if I
was lucky there would be a full moon.

    It didn't seem I had traveled very far before the nights darkness
had engulfed the forest. Although there was still a faint glow to the
sky, it was almost completely dark where I was and becoming hard to
see much of anything. It was also becoming quite cold and I started to
shiver as I poked my way along trying not to stumble over objects in
my path. As I moved along trying to put my mind on something other
than the cold seeping into my nude body, another foreboding thought
occurred to me. I was pretty certain I could find my way home or at
least in the general area, but what if I couldn't find the tree where
I had left my clothes? I was sure that my father would already be home
before me and, being Friday night, he would have four or five of his
buddies with him to play cards. I knew they always played out on the
back porch so there was no way I could sneak into the house unnoticed.

    My mind jumped back to reality as a sharp twig waiting unseen in
the darkness snapped across my bruised nipples bringing a quick yelp
to my lips. Damn, I said to myself as I stopped and cupped my hands
over my stinging tits in a vain attempt to comfort them. I couldn't
remember my nipples ever being this tender before. But, I thought, I
couldn't remember ever experiencing the volcanic like orgasms I had
happily enjoyed today. I guess the more the play, the more the pay.

    The moon came up early but was not anywhere near the full moon I
had hoped for. However the faint slivers of light that did filter down
provided enough illumination to keep me from running into trees head
on. The temperature had really took a dive after sunset and I was
really starting to feel it. To make things worse, an intermittent
breeze had come up and when it blew over my naked skin it took my
breath away. At least my sense of direction was good this far as I
caught sight of the big rock that marked the half way point.

    I crouched down on the leeward side of the rock and blew into my
hands trying desperately to fight off the cold. The wind was more
steady now from the north east and it stung my nude body something
awful. I'm not sure just how long I stayed at the rock but I finally
forced myself to get started on the last leg home. I gave myself
credit for at least being smart enough to have worn my sneakers
considering I had entertained the thought of going barefoot this
morning. My hands got so cold I had to stick them down into my bush
and try to warm them about every five minutes or so as I tramped along
through the dry leaves making weird crunching sounds with each
footstep. I don't think there was ever a time, before or since, that I
have been so completely cold as I was that night. I was really
beginning to wonder if all this would end with my frozen lifeless body
being discovered in the morning laying naked on the forest floor.

    My thoughts of impending doom vanished as I stopped dead in my
tracks. Looking around, I suddenly realized I was no longer in the
woods. I was standing in an open field with the edge of the woods
about one hundred yards behind me. Although I was totally alone, I had
this weird feeling of self consciousness as I sneaked back to the
cover of the woods. I tried to squat down and get my bearings but I
was shivering so badly I lost balance and fell on my side. I again
cursed myself for getting in to this predicament as I got back up
brushing leaves and twigs away that had stuck to me when I fell over.
I knew I would have to venture out into the open field far enough to
know exactly where I had exited the woods if I had any hope of finding
my clothes. Even though I realized the possibility of anyone being
within a mile of me was slim to none, I gingerly crept through the
open field thinking how the tongues would wag when telling about the
local teenage girl found stark naked hiding in a field.

    As I crept to the top of a small knoll I almost shouted with joy
seeing my house only a few hundred yards in front of me. Even though I
could see my father and his buddies right where I knew they would be
playing cards, it took every bit of will I had to keep from bolting
buck naked past them and into that nice warm house. Now that I knew
where I was, and cold to the point of actual pain, I ran back towards
the point in the edge of the woods where I left my clothes that
morning. Fortunately my memory was accurate and I located my sweat
shirt and shorts easily. Putting them on was a bit more difficult. All
that running through the dew covered grass had gotten me wet and with
the cold breeze my body shivered and jerked as I fought to get my
limbs into the right holes. After a few tries, I succeeded with my
task and took off on a dead run for home. As I reached the back door,
I concentrated on trying to stop shivering and act normal as I stepped
onto the porch. What happened next really pissed me off. My dad and
all his friends greeted me without ever looking up. I may as well have
been naked! Later I actually considered stripping and going out to see
if they would notice. I thought not.



    I believe I will finish this tale at a later date. I still have
several more experiences I would like to write about. Although this
portion of my diary you have just read contains some really wonderful
memories, I remember at least a couple more that made these pale in
comparison. To be honest, writing what I have so far, has gotten me so
horny I really must take a break. I will, however, continue my story
at my first opportunity.

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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