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From: Crimson Dragon <dcrimsonp@nym.alias.net>
X-ASSTR-Original-Date: 18 Feb 2003 19:15:12 -0000
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} {Reviews} Crimson Reviews - #019 - 18-Feb-2003
Date: Tue, 18 Feb 2003 18:10:02 -0500
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"Everything about you is so F.I.N.E. fine ..."
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The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only
opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the
stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author
know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the
wind.
- Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson
Review Archives:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www
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If you like the stories contained in these reviews, Rui helps run
the Clitorides, which is a "People's Choice"-type award system
for exceptional erotica. You might want to nominate any story that
tickles you.
Silver: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Clitorides/www/Silver_Clitorides.htm
Golden: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/Clitorides/
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Story Summary:
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Fugue -- anais ninja
(MF mast rom)
[10,10,10,10]
Mrs. Steven Rudy -- Dryad
(flash)
[9,9,10,10]
An Angel -- Patience Bryce
(MF public)
[5,6,3,3]
Jacob, I Have Loved -- Molly Coddle
(M/F, anal, rom, light dom)
[9,9,8,8]
The Taste of You -- Bluepen
(Poems)
[10,10,n/a,10]
ROCOCO CLUB -- Spiller
(Fm/Ff)
[7,9,4,5]
Valentine Visit -- Ray1031
(MF, Rom, Cons?)
[10,9,8,9]
Chocolate Covered Cherries: A Valentine Story -- Desdmona
(MF cheat anal)
[10,10,10,10]
The Case of the Chocolate Covered Cherries -- Souvie
(no sex, humor, flash fic)
[10,Who Cares?,10,10]
Reviews:
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Fugue -- anais ninja
(MF mast rom)
Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40792
Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/anais_ninja/www/
He's three thousand miles from her, away on a business trip. She
understands, though she misses him terribly. Sipping at her
Chardonnay, her hands begin to wander.
She's three thousand miles from him, left home while he must face
dreary business meetings. He misses her terribly. Sipping at his
scotch from the mini-bar, his hands begin to wander.
It isn't a simple thing to maintain the beautiful symmetry that
anais has attempted here. Well, not and prevent it from sounding
like a story told twice. Anais somehow holds this together, showing
us two lives forced apart. But still somehow together. Tickled the
romantic in me.
Very nicely done, anais.
Technical : 10
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
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Mrs. Steven Rudy -- Dryad
(flash)
Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Dryad/www/mrsrudy.html
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40832
Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Dryad/www/
She's driving when the song makes its appearance on the radio. She
sits in stunned silence, as she realises its messages and impact
upon her life. Her husband is off somewhere, Mexico, Florida, St.
Maarten, who knows ... with his short skirted assistant.
[ {But she never thought led anywhere.} She smiled wistfully. ]
Not sure what that sentence is supposed to be. Maybe a dropped 'it'?
So, then, what exactly is Mrs. Stephen Rudy going to do?
You'll have to read this story to find out.
Technical : 9
Eros : 9
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
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An Angel -- Patience Bryce
(MF public)
Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40760
Our protagonist is surreptitiously checking out the ladies at a local
pool. There is a wide variety of girls around, all scantily clad in
bikinis and one-piece swimsuits. But one girl catches his eye,
tantalisingly hidden in the deep end of the pool. Her eyes, her
hair, though, capture his attention. When she asks him to help her
adjust her top, he, of course, obliges. Then off to the deep end
they go, to have an illicit semi-public coupling before the pool
lights brighten the world.
[ women in their various swimsuits. Some of the women {of course} were
more attractive to his eyes {then} others. What a variety, young
slender women in their teeny bright colored {bikini's}, older ... ]
"of course" is a parenthetical expression here, and should probably
be offset by commas.
"then" might be better as "than", considering that they don't mean
the same thing. If this were a one time error, I would assume it was
a simple typo. But alas, it permeates the text.
"bikini's" ... um, what are they possessing?
And all this in the first paragraph. Sigh.
[ ... check out every female there, front and back. He was
always trying to find that {one special one} to especially keep
track of, and maybe even ... ]
Department of Redundancy Department.
[ ... The sun had been making its decent from the sky, but ... ]
"decent" is an adjective, right? I believe "descent" is more the
noun that was desired here. They don't mean the same thing.
Patience describes the dialogue, what little there is, in the text
of the story. If the characters are talking, show us with quotes.
It's far more effective than: She said that she thought she liked
him. He said the same thing back.
Overall, the characters are shallow, and the plot and consistency
nearly non-existent. It works as a descriptive fantasy, and I'm
pretty sure that's what Patience was trying for here. More for the
stroke folks that like the idea of sex underwater where the
participants might get caught. But that's really all there is to the
story.
Technical : 5
Eros : 6
Character/Plot : 3
Crimson : 3
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Jacob, I Have Loved -- Molly Coddle
(M/F, anal, rom, light dom)
Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40833
Jacob leads Zoe into the bedroom where he sits her down. Slowly, he
plays with her, caressing, and preparing her for the anal sex yet to
come.
Now, according to the preface, this is the first story that Molly
has shared with us. And it is a remarkably well written tale
technically. There were a few issues, mostly in formatting:
[ and then he let go of my body and sat down on the bed next {tome}. ]
The story isn't particularly deep -- this is a description of a
sexual encounter, and not much more than that. Now, having said
that, what makes the story unusual is that we do get deeply into
Zoe's head. I did like the anticipation, and the tension that Molly
presented here. That gives the story an edge over most stroke
stories, even while I would have liked to know the characters a
little better or to understand her tension, or desire for it, in a
depth beyond sexual activity. But such things come from experience,
and since this is a first story, I think it is exceptionally well
written.
Now, as most of you know, I'm not a huge anal sex fiction fan. I
can take it or leave it. Hmmm. I can see the perverts already making
connections. The story, people. Concentrate. Despite this, I really
did like the story far more than I expected to. Molly is very good
at sexual description (but honestly, did Jacob have to say "Daddy"
in third person quite so much ...), without falling too far into
over-description. And the glimpses inside Molly's heroine's head
were very much appreciated and helped hold the piece together.
Nicely done, Molly. I look forward to reading your next piece.
Technical : 9
Eros : 9
Character/Plot : 7
Crimson : 8
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The Taste of You -- Bluepen
(Poem)
(and Longing (Poem))
Poems:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40788
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40786
Other works:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=bluepen43%40yahoo.com&index=email&submit=Search
I don't normally review poems. How many times have I said that? I
suppose reviewing pushes me to into different genres, and for that,
I am happy.
These two poems, in a collection recently posted from Bluepen, were
an unexpected surprise. Full of emotion, and imagery, and passion --
I really enjoyed them. I particularly liked "The Taste of You", but
"Longing" was expressive as well. Bluepen has a knack for poetry.
Enjoy.
Technical : 10
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : n/a
Crimson : 10
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ROCOCO CLUB -- Spiller
(Fm/Ff)
Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40843
Other works:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=spiller48%40hotmail.com&index=email&submit=Search
In an old mansion, twelve ladies sit, dressed up in the costumes of
1725, complete with corsets, wigs, and long flowing dresses. Young
waitresses serve them, while period music serenades them from a
modern CD player. This semi-annual gathering of the women is marked
by surprises under the table. This year, Sabrina has included extra
surprises -- young girls and boys and even King, the dog. But
decorum holds the day, and each woman around the table mustn't
express her pleasures vocally upon pain of forfeit.
At its core, this is an elaborate stroke story. There isn't much to
it beyond the obvious appeals of voyeurism, illicit pleasure,
control, and sex. The plot only revolves around the need to display
a particular facet of the fantasy. None of the subplot lines develop
beyond what is necessary to show the next woman enjoying a tongue
under the table. We do get some depth of character in some of the
subplots, but overall, they are quickly abandoned in favour of sex,
sex, and more sex. They are simply twelve women there to get
serviced by underage participants (and a dog) out of sight beneath
a table. I will say that the fantasy is reasonably well described,
though.
If the notion of 16-17 year old participants servicing older women
is going to squick you, this may not be the story for you.
[ Hundreds of candles {were flickering} in the three huge chandeliers
hanging from the ceiling, and on the enormous table {lots} of
candelabras shed their light on a beautifully laid out dinner
table, and on the 12 women of ... ]
Why use the passive tense for "were flickering"? We'd get a more
immediate sense of the story by replacing it with: "flickered".
I don't know about you, but the descriptive magic of the above
sentence is completely lost when the adjective 'lots' is used.
Seriously, there must be a better manner to express the concept of
'many'.
While I haven't reproduced the entire "sentence" above, it seems to
be lengthy. I'm not sure if it was a run-on sentence, but I did
notice other examples of run-on in many places in the text. Simply
break the sentence. Too many 'ands' make it difficult to read.
Overall, there are a number of technical issues beyond what I
mentioned above, though in many instances the descriptive skill of
the author peeks through.
It's a reasonable stroke story, but loses it in plot and character.
Sex under a table is not enough to make a "story".
Technical : 7
Eros : 9
Character/Plot : 4
Crimson : 5
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Valentine Visit -- Ray1031
(MF, Rom, Cons?)
Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40874
Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Ray1031/www/
He sneaks into her bedroom and hides. When she appears, fresh from
her shower, he approaches and kisses the back of her neck. Then
together, they finish. But after it all, before she really
understands what is going on, he's gone, like a puff of breeze.
This isn't really a story, but more of a scene, meant to provide an
image to the reader, not necessarily with any real depth. It evokes
the emotions that were meant, and it works well for what it is.
Nicely done.
Technical : 10
Eros : 9
Character/Plot : 8
Crimson : 9
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Chocolate Covered Cherries: A Valentine Story -- Desdmona
(MF cheat anal)
Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40816
Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Desdmona/www/
As I understand it, Desdmona wrote two versions of this story. One
from first person perspective, the other third. I read the first
person account. You'll have to look around for the third person
account, if you are interested, but it's probably on her website
somewhere, or posted to ASSM recently.
First of all, I should mention that I am generally not a fan of anal
nor cheating stories. What the heck am I doing reading and, God
forbid, reviewing this, then? Read on.
You see, our narrator moves through life, facing the same
disappointments that we all do. Stolen boyfriends, torpedoed plans.
Emotional upsets. Our narrator faces them better than most, from the
loss of Ritson Smart in sixth grade, to the loss of Woody Hall in
high school, both to the same girl. And in University, she doesn't
even have a date for Valentine's day. Well, except maybe, for Alex.
Desdmona has a talent. Despite everything, and all my desires not to
like this story, I couldn't help it. I fell into her characters, and
her story, with no hope of putting it down, or not finishing it. I
felt everything I was supposed to, from the disappointments, to the
caring, to the final sex scenes. This is *not* a typical cheating
anal story.
Did I mention that I don't like cheating anal stories?
And I suspect, that if anyone else had written it, I still wouldn't.
Now, I have absolutely no idea how the third person version holds
up, but I can definitely say that I loved the first person version.
I felt like I was there, living and breathing with the narrator.
It's deep. It's meaningful. It's sexy. I cared about the
characters. And that's how I like my stories.
Thank you, Des.
Technical : 10
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
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The Case of the Chocolate Covered Cherries -- Souvie
(no sex, humor, flash fic)
Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Souvie/www/cherries.html
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40875
Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Souvie/www
Why do I do this to myself? Given that I'd just finished up with
Desdmona's story about Chocolate Covered Cherries, I was expecting
some kind of intertwined commentary from Souvie.
But no. Souvie just *had* to toy with me, didn't she?
Instead of getting a deep, insightful interleaved story, what do
I get? A reporter at the scene of the crime. You see, our
intrepid reporter is doing her job, and bothering the
detective in charge of examining the victim -- a man killed
by chocolate covered cherries. Why is he there? In what
universe is murder committed by chocolate covered cherries????
In Souvie's universe of course.
Seriously. I'm still grinning like a fool, and giggling. The
headlines, Souvie, nearly killed me.
Absolutely loved it. You will too.
Technical : 10
Eros : Who Cares?
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
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--
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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