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Message-ID: <40665asstr$1044058206@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Crimson Dragon <dcrimsonp@nym.alias.net>
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} {Reviews} Crimson Reviews - #017 - 31-Jan-2003
Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2003 19:10:06 -0500
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d
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The stories for this review were overall rather exceptional. Some
of them are still haunting me.

Thanks for the stories,
 - Crimson

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The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only 
opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the 
stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author 
know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the 
wind.

 - Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson

Review Archives:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www

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If you like the stories contained in these reviews, Rui helps run
the Clitorides, which is a "People's Choice"-type award system
for exceptional erotica. You might want to nominate any story that
tickles you.

Silver: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Clitorides/www/Silver_Clitorides.htm
Golden: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/Clitorides/
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Story Summary:
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Her Thoughts of Me -- Vickie Tern  
    (Romance, Femdom, Bondage)
    [10,10,10,10]

Of Things No Longer There -- johndear
    (love story)
    [10,10,10,10]

Do It -- Esmonde Catlett 
    (MF odd-perspective)
    [10,10,10,10]

Deep Breath -- Desdmona 
    (MF)
    [10,10,10,10]

Discovering Rachel -- Mandil  
    (m/f, first)
    [4,7,7,6]

Happy Birthday, Madison! -- Kelly Adams
    (FF)
    [10,10,9,10]

Re: Proof Reading Sex Stories -- Mat Twassel
    {MF, FF, writing)
    [10,10,10,10]

Reviews:

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Her Thoughts of Me -- Vickie Tern  
    (Romance, Femdom, Bondage)

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40426

Other works:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=Vickie+Tern&index=name&submit=Search

In a lonely hotel room, Dana watches Gwen as she sits silently in a
high chair, sipping tea and staring out into the world. When she
realises that Dana is awake, she smiles. "I'm leaving," she says.
Why she's leaving, and what will happen to Dana is for you to
discover by reading this excellent story.

Now, I must confess that I am *not* a fan of femdom stories. I'm
still not. But that is the *only* reason that I even considered
giving this story a Crimson: 9 below. But, if I'm honest with
myself, I truly liked this story, to the point where I wouldn't
change a thing within. My prejudices aside, I couldn't in all
conscience give this story anything less than the 10 it deserves. It
is clearly written, the characters are wonderfully, wonderfully
drawn, and the story is compelling. I can't say I identified with
the situation, but somehow ... somehow ... I could. Vickie made me
care, even when I don't particularly care for the genre. Now that,
on its own, is an accomplishment.

I picked up this story because I wanted to review something by
Vickie. It helps that it was written for Mat's challenge, and even
though I haven't seen the picture in question, yet, I still feel
like I understand the essence of what it must be. Anyway, I picked
up the story, mostly because I wanted to see how Vickie wrote, and
I'm very glad I did. You should pick it up as well.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

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Of Things No Longer There -- johndear
    (love story)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/johndear/notthere.txt
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40541

Author's Archive:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/johndear/

Patrick Worthy, former school teacher, devoted father, and lonely
man, meets Connie, a former student of his, near the otters. Mona,
his teenage daughter, reflects on their life together since her
mother left, how she was raised, and how much she loves her father.
All in all, Mona figures out what life is all about, and interjects
herself into the conversation.

I really, really liked this story, though I did find it a little
disjointed. John is following a stream of consciousness approach,
and the style fits nicely into the point of view of the narrative.

There isn't any sex here, beyond some innuendo, but neither should
there be. It still has plenty of Eros.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

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Do It -- Esmonde Catlett 
    (MF odd-perspective)

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40524

Little Tina sits on the porch of her new home, staring out at the
world beyond. Gray rain falls from a gray sky onto a gray street
filled with gray houses. Boring ...

Now, why is Little Tina sitting out by herself in the rain, and what
is the solution to the overbearing boredom? You'll have to read this
wonderful flash piece to find out.

Loved it.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

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Deep Breath -- Desdmona 
    (MF)

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40505

Author's Site: 
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Desdmona/www/

Gigi stands outside the Quiet Village, not wanting to enter. Her
mother lies wasting away inside, a product of bitterness and heavy
addiction. After a while, Gigi forces herself inside to visit,
afraid about what she must seek within.

This is not a happy story, but yet it holds out hope. Desdmona warns
us in the preface that the story might be disturbing to some --
especially with the explicit descriptions of the dangers of a
lifetime of smoking. It isn't a glamorous picture, and yet, it is
frighteningly realistic.

[ {On the ride up in the elevator I} thought how things might have 
  been different if my father hadn't skipped town with a girl half 
  his age--an aerobics ]

Needs a comma on the lengthy adverbial introduction, I think.

Overall, though, very well written, and easily readable. 

A warning perhaps, and yet, there is hope between the deep breaths.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

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Discovering Rachel -- Mandil  
    (m/f, first)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/mandil/www/Discovering_Rachel.htm
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40529

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/mandil/www/

Johnny is a shy eighteen year old living in a small town. Believe it
or not, Johnny has never kissed a girl. One day, some of his friends
point out Rachel at school, remarking that her older sister is easy,
and, well, both girls come from the same litter. It would follow,
wouldn't it, that Rachel might be willing to go a little further
than average? After school concludes for the summer, and Johnny
won't be as embarrassed by taking Rachel on a date because his
friends won't know, he works up the courage to ask her out. And
Rachel, surprise, surprise, says yes.

This is a rather sweet story about first loves and the wonder that
can come from experiencing love for the first time.

I was a little turned off by the approach of the story, though.
Mandil speaks from first person perspective, and relates the story
of how the narrator approaches Rachel merely to get experience
before college. I'm quite sure that Mandil is speaking factually
about selfishness, and his portrayal is probably quite accurate for
a typical eighteen year old male. Where I think the story fell down
was that Mandil failed to really remark upon the ethical outlook
that accompanied the relationship -- there was no feeling that this
eighteen year old out to use Rachel only for sex initially is right,
or wrong. Merely indifferent. That's simply the way it was. Sure it
worked out in the end, but I was left with the unpleasant feeling
that Mandil's message was: "If it all works out in the end, then it
doesn't really matter what the intentions of the boy were." I'm not
sure that Mandil was intending this, but it is possible that I'm
reading too much into the story. Nevertheless, it is Mandil's job as
the author to ensure that I *don't* get that impression if that's
not what he was intending and that's where I feel the story could
have been improved.

[ I was eighteen and unbelievable as it may seem, I had never 
  kissed a girl {yet}, and it goes to say also that I had never 
  experienced sex. ]

Using the word 'yet' here is tantamount to mixing tense.

[ You see I was then and I am still a very shy type of guy{,} for 
  me flirting with a girl goes completely against my nature. ]

Splice. Needs to be a semi-colon, or two separate sentences.
A comma might be nice after the word 'me'.

[ {Beside} who was I to judge her boobs; I had never {touch} a tit 
  {yet} in my life. ]

Errr, do I even need to comment?

Honestly, from a technical standpoint, I can't say that this story
was written lucidly. Mandil needs to watch verb tense, and find some
variety in contractions. Because there were very few contractions in
the text, it gave the story a very formal and stilted feel,
especially in the dialogue.

Overall, though, I did like the honesty in the piece, and the
obvious expression of joy that accompanied the narrator's discovery
of Rachel. First loves can be wonderful experiences, n'est pas?

Technical       :    4
Eros            :    7
Character/Plot  :    7
Crimson         :    6

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Happy Birthday, Madison! -- Kelly Adams
    (FF)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Kelly/www/madison.txt
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40537

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Kelly/www/

It's Madison's birthday, and Bridget arrives to wish her well.
Madison and Bridget have been dating for a few months, so Bridget
gives Madison a nice necklace, plus a particularly special and
*personal* gift that isn't exactly wrapped, though it does need
unwrapping.

This is a fun story. Kelly has a knack for describing female-female
sex that I like. I can't really explain it. I'm usually not one for
heavy sexual description, but while this is almost certainly more
stroke than not, there is a story there and the characters are
likeable. I particularly enjoyed the end. The situation was ...
entertaining, and Kelly left me wondering just what was going to
happen. Kelly writes as she would like to read, and it works.

Kelly, you have a knack for this stuff. A few quibbles about the
dialogue, but that's probably my personal preferences.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    9
Crimson         :   10

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Re: Proof Reading Sex Stories -- Mat Twassel
    {MF, FF, writing)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/twassel/www/Proof.htm
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40603

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/twassel/www/

Editorial Note:
    Mat didn't code this story, nor is he required to. Story codes 
    are only approximate, as generated by a half-asleep Dragon.

Sometimes there comes along a piece of writing that takes your
breath away. Given the title, I probably wouldn't have picked it up
but for the suggestion of a good friend. If I hadn't picked it up, I
would have missed out on one of the best stories that I've ever
read, here or otherwise.

Adam meets Laura in a Philosophy class. Over time, Laura and Adam
discover each other, meeting as friends over cocoa after class. But
Adam claims to be a sex-story writer. Is he? Should he be? We
follow Adam as he falls in love with Laura, as any of us might, and
Mat's talent as a writer puts us right there with Adam and Laura,
experiencing, feeling and loving.

The characters and the settings are real enough to touch -- or kiss.

Now, I wasn't involved in ASSM/D when this first appeared back in
January of '97, much is the shame, but I do understand why this
story was rated as highly as it was by Celeste. If you read nothing
else around here, read this. It is absolutely everything that
erotica should be.

Thank you, Mat, for sharing this with us.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10


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-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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