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Message-ID: <38051asstr$1030669805@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Peaches and Cream  <peachescreamreviews@yahoo.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Peaches and Cream Reviews: #28
Date: Thu, 29 Aug 2002 21:10:05 -0400
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Hi! We're Peaches & Cream. We're just two ordinary Joes who like
reading and romance. Recently, there was a Summer Solstice Romance
Festival on ASSM, and it caught our attention. We started discussing
the stories and our reviews were born. Our format is simple: one of us
starts the review, the other chimes in, and then the starter finishes
it off. Because this is all about romance, we'll be scoring with 0-5
kisses. We're changing our format to include more than one story per
issue. There is a website devoted to the festival where you can find
all the stories we will review. 

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/RomFest

***

Peaches & Cream Reviews: #28

Little deeds of kindness, little words or love, help to make Earth
happy.
-Julia Carney

Stories to be reviewed:

Missing Panties and a Curbside Seat by Christine Indigo
Movements - It Will be a Summer to Remember by Ray1031
Private Conversations by Katie McN
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Missing Panties and a Curbside Seat by Christine Indigo
(MF, rom)
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/36962

***

Peaches:

Chris is waiting for Helen. She's late and this is the second time. So
Chris begins to get suspicious. When Helen finally does show up, Chris
knows right away that she isn't wearing panties, and this adds to his
suspicions. Helen has a viable exclamation, but Chris would rather
believe she's been with two of her coworkers. It gives him a hard-on.
Finally, Helen decides to take things into her own hands.

I love this title. It grabs your attention and says read me. I wish
the story had the same pizzazz. There seems to be a surge of stories
where a character discovers an infidelity and instead of being angry,
becomes aroused. If this were true in real life, maybe the divorce
rate would be lower.

I think the idea of the story--wife masturbates husband in a public
restaurant--is better than the delivery. It needs editing. And I
haven't decided about the ending. Do I like it or don't I? It's a
little crass, but I think it might be the best true-to-life thing in
the whole story.

2 kisses

***

Cream:

This is an audacious, fantastic, incredible story. The provocative
parts are difficult to make sense of: How, for example, can Chris see
that Helen is not wearing panties when she's still walking towards
him?  For that matter, how do they manage to have a rather long
conversation before she even gets near his table on the restaurant
patio? And later, how is he able to stare at her pussy while his head
is resting on her shoulder?  I find these less credible than his
reaction to her "confession" or her reaction to his reaction.  The
problem is everything happens so fast I don't have time to adjust much
less get aroused much less get satisfied.  Still, it's a funny story,
a little herky-jerky, a lot crazy.  I almost expected one last line to
this very short tale: Solve this minute mystery. 

2.25 kisses

***

Peaches:

This is one of those stories that you hope the author takes another
look at, gets an editor, and cleans it up. Even a quickie is worth
getting it right.

***

Peaches: 2 kisses
Cream: 2.25 kisses
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Movements - It Will be a Summer to Remember - Ray1031
(Rom, Voy, No Sex)
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/36892

***

Cream:

An older man spends his summer evenings with the woman he desires.
The problem is that the man is in his house and the woman, his
neighbor, is in hers.  He watches through the windows.

>He knew all of the labels people might apply to what 
>he was doing. All of the terms by which they would refer to him, 
>voyeur, Peeping Tom, stalker and because of the age 
>difference, Dirty Old Man and pervert. None of that mattered 
>to him. He loved Angie. He had loved her for over five years 
>now. He had loved her since shortly after she and 
>her then husband, Mort, had moved into the house next door. 
>Mort was gone now. She'd thrown his useless ass out 
>months ago and was now simply waiting for sufficient time to 
>pass for the divorce to be final. 

This story does a good job giving us the man's moods.  We see him as
gentle, a good guy, but desperately shy.  The details of the evening,
of the relationship, are mostly the right details.  It's a poignant
situation. We feel the tension, we understand the despair, we can't
help wanting to get this guy to make his move.  Call the woman up. He
wants to. He needs to. What's the worst that can happen?

In order to enjoy this story, the reader must overcome or ignore more
than a little  unpolished writing. It's more than just typos and
insignificant grammar mistakes.  But I wouldn't want this story to
lose its charming honesty.  Consider this paragraph:

>Angie stretched for long and long moments and for many of 
>those moments his heart simply forgot to beat. 
>Relaxing from her stretch, she moved to the bed and 
>laid back the covers. Moving slowly it seemed, 
>she moved to the switch by the door and paused, 
>glancing once more towards the window before 
>turning off the switch and hiding her from his view. 
>After a moment he stood and moved to exit the room, 
>heading for the kitchen and the prepackaged dinner 
>that awaited him. Tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow he'd 
>finally decide what he should do.

There's a lot of real beauty here.  The misty slow-motion of the mood
really comes through. Lots of good words, good repetition, good
phrasing, good details--a natural poetic sensibility. The little
mistakes do immense damage.

3.5 kisses

***

Peaches:

There's something very refreshing about reading a story where we see
the feelings and insecurities of a man. And that's what this story
does in spades. We get into his head, into his heart, and really feel
for him.

There's a nice mood in the writing that mirrors a man, sitting in the
dark, watching. And maybe that's the key--men hide their feelings, and
will only talk about them when they're under the cover of darkness. 

The story goes just one step too far at the end, though. There's no
need to give the short paragraph from the women's POV. Subtle things
that she does should allow the reader to come to his or her own
conclusion. There could be a little more of these subtle things, but
adding her POV takes away from the marvelous mood that had been in the
story up to that point.

3.8 kisses

***

Cream:

I'm not sure I agree about the last section.  I'm not sure I disagree.
Certainly you are right that having it changes things a little.  For
me it doesn't ruin the mood so much as give me more hope that
something good will happen, or at any rate something interesting. I
like contemplating the connection.  Without the last section, the
likelihood of a connection remains very low. Then again there's still
the possibility that nothing will happen, and in a way this
intensifies the situation.  Even without the final section, I think
it's pretty certain we know what is in the woman's mind.  I'm sure
some readers would prefer to be left in doubt. I'm in doubt about my
true feelings on this. How come we can't have it both ways?  The title
makes me thing the author is optimistic.  I like the title.  I think
it adds a lot to this story.

***

Peaches: 3.8 kisses
Cream: 3.5 kisses
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Private Conversations by KatieMcN
(FF, MF, Rom)
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/36970

***

Peaches:

Rachel's had a fight with Ed. She's at a restaurant waiting for their
usual dinner date, when he doesn't show, she calls Linda. Rachel and
Linda end up back at Linda's house. One thing leads to another and
they have sex. One month later, Ed shows up, and Rachel has to make a
decision.

This story lacks spark. It's very mechanical, almost as if it is
repeating another story word for word. [I went to the store. I wanted
strawberries. I had an apple instead. Now I want apples.]

Rachel is wishy-washy. Linda is faceless. And Ed hints at being an
abuser or at least, a neglector. But this is as much as we get from
these characters.

It almost feels like it's just trying to make a lesbian statement
rather than tell a story. And that's a shame because there is a story
here, and it could be a very good one about an emotional decision.
Unfortunately, the emotion isn't there.

2.25 kisses

***

Cream:

Yes, quite mechanical, wooden--the dialogue and the action. Of the
three characters, the one who comes through most convincingly is Ed,
the insensitive lout. 

>"Come on, Rachel, Linda will understand. 
>Do you want me to pick you up?"

>"Things are moving a little fast, Ed. 
>Maybe we should take more time."

>"Dammit Rachel! We've been together for three years. 
>How much longer do you think I can wait?"

>"I don't want to fight again, Ed."

>"Then quit wasting time and get over here. 
>We have things to do and Linda is not part of them. 
>Do you understand?"

The portrait of Ed, both when absent and when present, is the best
part of the story. Rachel is lucky to be rid of him.

Actually the best part of the story is the preface:

>Younger lesbians often talk about seducing straight women. 
>Older lesbians are more interested in finding someone to love. 
>There is pain for a woman who is left behind 
>when her lover returns to the past.

I wish "Private Conversations" had told that story a little more
directly. Maybe a different point of view would have helped--the point
of view of Linda, the older lesbian.

2 kisses

***

Peaches:

You're right again, Cream. Ed should be the incidental character in
this story instead of the only one that doesn't seem like cardboard.
And the preface has all the heart that the story could have had. 

***

Peaches: 2.25
Cream: 2 kisses

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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