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Message-ID: <37976asstr$1029939004@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Crimson Dragon <dcrimsonp@nym.alias.net>
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} {Reviews} Crimson Reviews - #6 - 20-Aug-2002
Date: Wed, 21 Aug 2002 10:10:04 -0400
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
Approved: <assm@asstr-mirror.org>
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d

While I have a captive audience, I'm going to talk about
character. There's been some discussion in the newsgroups
lately about the need for character/motivation/story elements 
in erotica, and I needed something to fill your time before
you get to the reviews. I'm entitled. I write the things.

According to Oxford, 'character' is those defining elements
of a person that makes one unique. There are a bunch of other
definitions: computer representations of letters and numbers
(ASCII tables), and even simply a depiction of a person in a 
written work (Sherlock Holmes). When I refer to the character 
of a story, I am looking for something rather hazy that 
shows me a person -- something more than a lump of flesh -- 
someone more than an object merely there for sexual reasons --
something that makes a character unique beyond the size of
her breasts or girth of his penis. It is the real talent of an 
author to do this -- anyone can write about a girl that takes 
off her clothes and fucks everything in sight. It takes much 
more to make me care about her. It's not a hard and fast formula, 
but if you manage it, you've jumped that hazy hurdle between a 
lump of gorgeous flesh, and a living, breathing person. Lust only 
takes one so far without further explanation.

Having said that, I want everyone to understand that this is
not the only view of erotica that exists. One only has to
go to the nearest adult store and rent a video to see that my
view of the world is not even the most popular view of it.
Rather, the nature of most erotica is such that it relies on
the reader to believe that lust is the only thing that drives
the characters. This is all the thought that some readers
wish to put into their erotica, and that's certainly legitimate.
It's called stroke fiction in these here parts, and it has
it's uses.

However, I don't think that there would be a great deal of
dissension if I conjectured that the average porn tape is not
high on the literary scales -- there isn't a lot of character
revealed, there aren't any real messages, or opinions, or
revelations within -- and the ones that are there are shallow
and essentially meaningless. This type of erotica has its purpose, 
but to say that it has character, or even story, is stretching the 
definition to the breaking point. At least to me.

This is how I judge stories, because my tastes run towards
more cerebral stories than those merely driven by pumping
hydraulics with mindless characters whose only ambition in
life is to fuck. That's *my* tastes. I don't expect everyone
to share that view of the world, nor do I purport that it
is the correct view. It is merely how I judge the stories
that I read -- and since I'm writing the reviews ...

So, what I look for in stories, and is reflected in the
Character/Plot scoring system, is how I saw the characters
and plot of the story in a combined light. If the characters
are one-dimensional -- driven only by lust without further
explanation, the story isn't going to score very high.
It is a legitimate way to write a story, however, and might
appeal to those that enjoy the average porn tape. If the
author gives me more, makes the character human, with human
emotions, and feelings, and being -- enables me to understand 
the humanity of her, or him, through the magic of words -- then this 
is something I find worthwhile, and the scores will reflect that. 
As I've said before, there is no hard and fast rule here -- character
is highly dependent on the particular story, and to a lesser
degree individual tastes. This isn't something that I can
tell an author how to accomplish, nor would I want to. Perhaps
one can look at the score partially as a measure of how much
an author managed to make me care about the characters portrayed
in the story.

Are character and plot necessary for a sex story? If you want
to call it a "story", I think so -- if I don't care about the
people in the story, or I find it so hard to connect with them
on a human level because they are not motivated, or given even
basic human characteristics beyond lust and a body to kill for, 
then it isn't very erotic to me, nor is it a "story" -- but keep 
in mind that mine is not the only view. Merely because a story
doesn't score four tens does not mean that a story doesn't
have value.

As I've always stated in my preambles, read the stories yourselves,
form your own opinions, and let the author know what you thought.
Mine might be a public opinion, but I'm not naive enough to
believe that it is the only opinion. You, as authors and readers,
shouldn't be that naive either.

Peace,
- Crimson

------------------------------------------------------------------------
The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only 
opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the 
stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author 
know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the 
wind.

- Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson

Review Archives:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Story Summary:

Casting the model -- Henrik Larsen
    (MF, Rom)
    [7,9,8,8]

The Prodigal Bride -- Arc 
    (mc MF)
    [9,8,10,9]

Liberty Call -- Hammon Wry/E. Howe 
    (MF rom nosex)
    [10,8,10,10]

Pussy Lunch -- T Thumper 
    (MFF, voy, exhib, oral)
    [8,9,6,7]

An Author's Fantasy -- Homer Vargas 
    (MC, Fdom, humour, preg)
    [9,7,7,6]

The Case of the Extortive Escort Service -- Souvie 
    (FFF toys oral)
    [9,10,10,10]

A Child's Christmas -- Mat Twassel 
    (MF Christmas)
    [10,10,10,10]

Cindy In The Morning -- Rick Oh 
    (rom)
    [9,8,6,7]

The Garden -- EZRiter 
    (MF Rom)
    [10,10,10,9]

Layla -- Harry 
    (FF flash)
    [9,10,9,9]

Reviews:

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Casting the model -- Henrik Larsen (M/F Rom)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/henlar/www/castingthemodel.html
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/henlar/www/

Sandra walks in, not exactly the proportions that the artist was
expecting. She's slim, young, inexperienced as a model and less 
rounded than most artists desire. And for a cast sculpture, he's 
really not sure that she's the one that should model for his latest
masterpiece. She begs for the job, a starving student, and he relents.

She's not shaved, well, not down there, and she's shy about doing it
herself. The artist obliges. Hair caught in plaster can hurt, don't
you know? And so it goes, his professional detachment flitting away
slowly, but surely. They move on to create the best of his collection,
and something a little bit more. Henrik does have an artistic eye.

I enjoyed the story, overall, though there were a few things that
bothered me. The last sculpture that they cast together rocked
my suspension of disbelief. The roles reverse and Sandra casts the 
artist, and two things bothered me about it. First of all, she seems 
able to pick up immediately how to apply the cast professionally. After
Henrik went to so much trouble to ensure that we understood that it
wasn't a trivial procedure, how did this young model figure it out
so quickly? Second, after making such a big deal out of her
pubic region, when he's cast, there is no mention of his
danger of agony when the cast comes off. Perhaps, he's shaved too,
and truthfully, I'm not sure I want to know about it anyway,
but after the huge procedure with the girl, I would have thought
it warranted a mention at least in his case. They really aren't
problems as much as issues with consistency.

Technically, Henrik tells a fluid tale. It's well written,
but there's language issues. I'll point out a few here, but
they pepper the story, in places dropped words and verb tense
issues (typos mostly, I think) are very distracting.

[ ... and I never believed in the myth about the staring artist. ]

The artist stares? I think this might have been a Freudian
slip -- and given the story, it actually is entertaining. But,
I suspect Henrik meant 'starving'.

[ ... exactly a millionaire and I can't afford to pay you if I don't 
  think you are right for the project{.}" I added when I saw her hurt 
  expression. ]

The period (in braces) inside the quotes should have been a comma. 
Henrik makes this mistake throughout the story. I don't think it's
intentional, merely confusion about quotation rules.

As I said, other issues, especially careless verb tense issues,
pepper the prose. It would read more easily if it were more carefully
proofed. Spell checkers aren't always enough.

Anyway, I enjoyed the exhibitionistic flavour of an otherwise
mundane situation. I liked the setting, and the eventual direction
that the story went. It was romantic and fun. And if you've ever
wondered about nude models, this gives us some insight.

Technical       :    7
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :    8
Crimson         :    8

------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Prodigal Bride -- Arc (mc MF)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/~mcstories/ProdigalBride/index.html
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/~mcstories/Authors/Arclight.html

When he's confronted with a burglar, Abe grabs his daughter's
Barbie umbrella and descends to the kitchen, makeshift weapon
in hand. There, he finds Sandi, his wife, disappeared long ago. 
Sandi disappeared three years ago, or was it two? Anyway, she's
back, and while Abe is more than a little confused, her story
emerges, and they find a fleeting solace together.

This doesn't sound like a typical mind control story, does it?
I have to admit to some trepidation when I picked this story
up because of the themes. Mind control stories often are interesting, 
but also lacking in character and plot. This one's different. Arc 
provides character here, both for Abe and Sandi, and an element of
horror and mystery. While I have to say that the story disturbed
me, it wasn't necessarily in a bad way -- perhaps akin to the feeling
one gets when one sees the naked college co-ed in the shower
and the guy with the hockey mask is approaching with a
pitchfork. It's horrifying, but compelling in a way. The story isn't 
wildly deep, but it is different than most in this genre. I felt 
for the characters, and that's more than enough to make it different.

By the way, Arc, I really liked the disclaimer at the top.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :    8
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :    9

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Liberty Call -- Hammon Wry/E. Howe (MF rom nosex)

http://members.cox.net/ehowe/lc1.html
http://members.cox.net/ehowe/DBIndex.html

Sgt. Totten seems like she's had a tough day and Dr. Carter
appears to take her mind off things. They go to dinner, and
simply talk. The story deftly revolves around the Sarah
McLaughlin song: "Angel", and somehow it works.

This is not an erotic story, though it does have a low key
eros associated with it, but it certainly won't be appropriate
for all who are looking for more ... shall we say ... stroking
material. This is more a fleshing out of a larger story that
includes "Catharsis" and "Quality and Quantity". There's tons
of character and plot here, though in this particular segment
they don't go very far -- that's only because it's a part of
a larger piece, as the author explains in the prelude.

Why did I review this if it wasn't obviously erotic? I like 
E.'s writing, and once I began looking over this interlude,
I couldn't stop reading. It's worth reading, even if there
isn't obvious sexual content. Sometimes anticipation, and
character make their own eros.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :    8
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pussy Lunch -- T Thumper (MFF, voy, exhib, oral)

http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/37944
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/thumper/wwwheaven/

In a diner, or cafeteria, our anonymous narrator spots Katie,
a slim girl talking to her larger friend. Voyeuristically,
the narrator watches Katie, her skirt rising higher and
higher. When she starts to stroke her own thigh, and even
higher, our narrator nearly faints, all the blood leaving
his head. When he notices her finger beckoning him, he
lifts his eyes, startled, to find her grinning at him. Our
raven haired beauty is fully aware of his eyes on her.

Later, in a back room, he feasts on her, and then her friend
joins them for an all around lunch-fest.

I think I might be detailed obsessed. There were a few errors
that jarred me out of the story, but they were mostly typos,
'though' instead of 'thought', 'limps' instead of 'lips', a
few missing commas -- that sort of thing. Nothing serious. What 
was kind of interesting is that Tom writes this story present 
tense first person. It lends a sort of immediacy to the story.
Present tense is underused, and while it can get wearisome,
it worked in this story.

There isn't a huge amount of plot or character here -- this
is basically a stroke story where imagery drives the action, but 
it works as that. Even with limited character and plot, it is well 
written and worth a look.

Technical       :    8
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :    6
Crimson         :    7

------------------------------------------------------------------------
An Author's Fantasy -- Homer Vargas (MC, Fdom, humour, preg)

http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/37944
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Vargas/www/

Homer is wandering in an erotic bookstore when a pregnant woman
approaches him, recognises him, and blames him for her condition.
That's enough to set anyone back, but she goes on to explain
exactly how Homer is responsible -- through his stories. She
describes how she controls her "husbands" into impregnating her
constantly through the use of suggestibility drugs and that
her condition was one of her choosing. A happy fan.

Technically, the story is reasonably well written. There's
some careless errors with quotes, and for a story that's
mostly dialogue, that can be a bad thing. A few slips with
word usage, but nothing overly serious.

I didn't get much of a handle on the pregnancy crazed fan,
and Homer's character really only listens to the woman gush
about various stories. It was only a fantasy, meant as a humour
piece, I think, and so it works, but honestly -- it struck me as 
a thinly veiled advert for Homer's other stories. I know that wasn't 
what Homer was intending here, but that's how it came across to me. 
A little wishful self-indulgence. We're all entitled, I suppose. 
However, for me, as an outside reader, I don't think it caught my
fantasy, or my imagination as much as it would the author,
or perhaps someone far more obsessed with mind-control pregnancy
stories than I. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :    7
Character/Plot  :    7
Crimson         :    6

------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Case of the Extortive Escort Service -- Souvie (FFF toys oral)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Souvie/www/escort.html
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Souvie/www/

Trudy is a bored investigative reporter. By the end of this
tale, Trudy wishes that she had remained bored. Her boss
sends her on an undercover assignment to infiltrate an escort
service looking for a potential blackmailer. With misgivings,
Trudy accepts the assignment and begins the hunt. Along the
way, she's pulled into some ... er ... tight situations.

This is a very entertaining little tale -- a really nice
change of pace. A well written mystery, with some hot sex
thrown in for good measure. I had some misgivings when I
began it, though I have no idea why. I suppose that it was
only the cliche of using an escort service. But I was wrong.
Dead wrong. Souvie did a wonderful job of convincing, and
the story worked.

Technically, it is very clean. Only a dropped quote in one
sentence, and perhaps a missed comma or two. Nothing serious
at all.

[ "Hey!" I protested.  "I gave {you} Priscilla my word I'd
  stay while she smoothed out everything with her dad. ... ]

Oh, and something left over from draft stage here. I think it
might be an extra 'you'.

Anyway, this is a really fun story. Go read it.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Child's Christmas -- Mat Twassel (MF Christmas)

http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/37904

All right. I didn't understand this story, but that doesn't mean
that it isn't worth reading. I liked it -- I simply didn't understand
it. Al, the local Santa, picks up Malcomb from the orphanage and
takes him home to Christmas with his extended family. Along the
way, we meet various people, in various configurations. And maybe
we get a glimpse into a vague Christmas theme.

This piece was written for one of Celeste's Challenges, and I
can't say that I'm familiar with it. Perhaps the story makes
more sense in context. Anyway, it is character rich, and the
dialogue is fun -- the description of the slow Christmas fuck
very erotic, at least for me. Oh, and the image of the girls
in Santa suits? I have to admit, it's different.

Technically, "A Child's Christmas" is flawless -- a gentle glimpse
into Christmas time. Almost makes me want December to hurry on its 
way.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cindy In The Morning -- Rick Oh (rom)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/rick_oh/cindymorning.txt
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/rick_oh/www/

The narrator and Cindy were too tired to do much the night before,
so, this morning, they begin the day with a proverbial roll in
the hay.

While the writing here is clear and concise and erotic, all it
amounts to is a description of their morning tumble. A nice
interlude, I have to admit, but purely stroke fiction (or
non-fiction for all I know). Cindy sounds like a really wonderful
lady, but without some background, all I really know is that
she enjoys a morning roll in the hay. Don't we all, and maybe
that's enough.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :    8
Character/Plot  :    6
Crimson         :    7

------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Garden -- EZRiter (MF Rom)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/E.Z.Riter/The%20Garden.txt
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/E.Z.Riter/

Jack married an older woman, Barbara. Barbara died as a result of
a drunk driving accident, and Jack is now alone. He turns to his garden
for solace. One day, Beth shows up and offers to help in the dirt, her 
easy going nature appreciated by Jack. Beth is Vicki's friend from
college, Vicki being Barbara's daughter. Anyway, Beth helps and
finally manages to break through Jack's melancholy with a little
help from a cold hose and Vicki's (and Barbara's) blessings.

The story has been very well edited, and presented. There is a
great deal of character under the surface, though sometimes you
really have to look. A nice romantic interlude of loss and
recovery. It's a well done story, overall.

If I were to make a suggestion here, though, given the nature of
the story, I was expecting something a little different. EZ is
trying to show us a tale of loss and recovery. I think it might
have been more effective to actually show us the loss rather
than simply refer to it in the past. Barbara's death occurred
seventeen months ago, and EZ had the opportunity to show us
the happiness before the accident, and the resulting loss afterward.
He had the opportunity to show us Beth's role more fully in the
months after Barbara's death. Instead, EZ merely tells us, when
convenient, about Beth's role, and we are left to imagine the
state of the world surrounding Barbara's death. There's nothing
inherently wrong with that, but I think a different approach might
have simply made a bigger emotional impact, and provided a more subtle
character revelation for Beth. As it was, we received plenty of the 
recovery elements, but they were tempered by a reader that simply 
hadn't experienced the loss in full. Worse, while I understand
somewhat that Beth loves Jack and that's reason enough to explain her
actions and her outlooks, I never saw that love grow, or understood 
where it might have come from. It makes Beth's love for Jack somewhat 
clinical and abstract, but it's a cornerstone to the story. I also never
really felt Jack's pain at the loss of his wife. I never knew Barbara in
any humanistic manner. Same problem. Thus, there's an underlying 
melancholy to the piece that didn't quite reach me, and I think should 
have. It wasn't the story -- it's a wonderful story -- but more the 
manner in which EZ chose to present it, combined, I suppose, with my 
preferences in story telling.

Anyway, that's probably more me looking at the story as another
writer, and seeing opportunities. I didn't write it, and it
stands absolutely fine on its own as EZ intended. Really only
a suggestion to authors in general to focus and understand what
you are driving for, and how best to reveal the themes and 
undercurrents of a story to a reader.

Overall, this was a really enjoyable and romantic foray into the 
aftermath and recovery of a life.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :    9

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Layla -- Harry (FF flash)

http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/37899

An invitation to go camping. An adventurous spirit. The narrator
accepts the invitation from, um, presumably Layla, to join
her camping, knowing that Layla was really asking her to
have sex. But our narrator has a boyfriend. Nevertheless, she
accepts the invitation. What's she done? Is our narrator a lesbian? 
You'll have to read it to find out if the girls end up together.

This was different, and while I'm still torn about it, I'm
pretty sure I liked it. It's a glimpse into the mind of a
girl, uncertain, and faltering. It was almost poetic in its 
terseness, revealing a great deal of character in very little prose.
Somehow, it captured indecision, uncertainty, and truth. A little
humanity in amongst the pumping hydraulics.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    9
Crimson         :    9

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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