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Message-ID: <37896asstr$1029535807@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Peaches and Cream  <peachescreamreviews@yahoo.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Peaches and Cream: #16
Date: Fri, 16 Aug 2002 18:10:07 -0400
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Hi! We're Peaches & Cream. We're just two ordinary Joes who like
reading and romance. Recently, there was a Summer Solstice Romance
Festival on ASSM, and it caught our attention. We started discussing
the stories and our reviews were born. Our format is simple: one of us
starts the review, the other chimes in, and then the starter finishes
it off. Because this is all about romance, we'll be scoring with 0-5
kisses. We're changing our format to include more than one story per
issue. There is a website devoted to the festival where you can find
all the stories we will review. 

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/RomFest

***
Peaches & Cream Reviews: #16

No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to
discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.
--H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), U.S. journalist.

Stories to be reviewed:

Sunset and Overture by Iago
Timepiece by Dr. Spin
The Offering by WolfTrapper
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunset and Overture by Iago
(Flash, F/F, rom, no sex)
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/36906

***

Peaches:

Here we have a professed lesbian (Tracy) being set up with another
woman (Nicole) by a mutual friend of both women. The set up is as
awkward as any real life set up can be. Filled with anticipation, fear
of rejection, and misunderstandings. Tracy is kitschy. I like her a
lot. She spends her time being hostess, as much to be polite as to
avoid the set up. Human nature!

My only nitpick is if the two women have never met, how does Tracy
know "Nicole's quite, unassuming charm..." and "...her laughter gentle
and contagious"? By all accounts, she's only spotted Nicole once,
"...out by the pond." From across the pond, it's probably okay for
Tracy to admit she's attracted to Nicole on a physical level. Isn't
that the real initial attraction for most of us?

4 kitschy kisses

***

Cream:

The first time I read this I thought maybe there was some other reason
why Tracy and Nicole couldn't connect--some history or circumstance
that the ending would reveal.  So I was a little confused and maybe a
little let down by the conclusion.  But it's a nice enough conclusion.
Maybe it's a perfect ending--both to the story and to the set-up.  I
think it was exactly the phrase you pointed out, Peaches, that tipped
me into this misreading.  The author might look at a slightly
different way of Tracy "seeing" Nicole.  One other slight bit of
confusing writing which needs to be fixed:

>I saw Nicole out by the pond, stretched out in a 
>redwood adirondak, chatting up the lone guy who'd 
>wandered outside with enthusiasm.

At first I wondered how it was that someone could wander with
enthusiasm. Had to go back to see that the enthusiasm was meant to
apply to the chatting up.  Four kisses.

***

Peaches:

The story would be improved if there were another reason why they
couldn't connect. Especially considering this passage:

>Jenny nudged me. "Go on."
>"I think she's busy right now," I replied stiffly.
>"It's not what you thi-"
>"Trust me," I snapped, "a girl knows."
>Two of Jen's friends dragged her away before she could interject.

If Jen were really trying to set these two women up, why would she let
a misunderstanding fester? The friend's dragging her away seems a
little flimsy.

Still, summer barbecue and meeting someone special, sounds like a good
time to me.

***

Peaches: 4 kitschy kisses
Cream: 4 kisses
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Timepiece by Dr. Spin
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/36931

***

Cream:

>A woman is a timepiece. I look at her and I judge 
>the passage of years with pitiless accuracy.

So begins "Timepiece" -- a little masterpiece of craftsmanship.  Every
word counts just right. Every phrase adds to the overall effect.
"Pitiless" might be the critical word in the passage above. And then
the man catches sight of his wife of thirty years fresh from the
shower, but of course not with the same physical allure as
once-upon-a-time:

>Sitting in my chair, unexpected, I catch her 
>emerging from the bathroom with a towel wrapped 
>turban-like around her head and another wound 
>around her waist. No make-up. No clothes. No 
>props. Just her, flat-footed, breasts bare.

>I suddenly remember coveting her breasts when 
>they were half the size.

So what is this fellow, home fresh from the Thursday Liar's Club and
aburst with pitiless accuracy, going to do?  An exquisitely refined
conflict has been set up, and the resolution is just as exquisite,
just as refined.  The miracle is we can't quite measure these final
moments--they are too real.  Romance: 2.5. Storytelling: twice that.

***

Peaches:

I don't like the man--an old fart setting himself on a throne, judging
women's appearances. Meanwhile, he probably has hair growing from his
ears and out his nose, instead of his scalp.

I don't want to commend his moment of "sweetness" because I see a
woman who has been married to a man for thirty years and is so unhappy
with her appearance, she's kept herself covered, and he's let her.
He's not a gentleman. He's a beast. One sweet comment doesn't change
that. 

But what superb storytelling this is that it can incite such strong
emotion. It's not romantic. In fact, it shatters the idea of romance
with such a sad thirty-year marriage. But it is a great story.

4 pecks on the cheek

***

Cream:

Right you are, Peaches. I feel sorry for the woman, and I don't much
like the man, and I feel a little sorry for him, too. With pitiless
accuracy this story relates this somewhat pitiful situation.  Not that
I would say there's absolutely no hope.  I hope there is hope.  Here
is a case of a narrator who thinks he sees things clearly.  But does
he?

***

Peaches: 4 pecks on the cheek
Cream: Romance-2.5 kisses, Storytelling-5 kisses
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Offering by WolfTrapper
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/RomFest/offering.htm

***

Peaches:

A man regrets unfinished business in his past and it comes back to
haunt him. He's on a cozy beach, a perfect night, and is about to
share it with an arranged/paid guest. He tries to reconcile the beauty
of the world around him and the guilt that's destroying him.

There's some really nice imagery:

>Fifty feet of anemic grass before the beach proper and the calm smooth sea beyond. His 
>eyes lifted to run out over the golden ribbon painted across the water by the setting 
>moon. 

>A silhouette in the bar's dim lights, Savo came as arranged. Even in the sand, she 
>moved with feline grace, a dark sultry motion in the night.

However, you might need a better knowledge base of gods and goddesses
than I have to understand if this is a ritual to cleanse himself of
the guilt and memory of someone else, or is he even asking for
redemption? What do you think, Cream?

I give it 3.5 kisses

***

Cream:

I'm sorry, Peaches, but the references don't mean much to me. I can't
enlighten you. I don't know how much depends on knowing more, but as
it stands the story fails for me (or I fail for it!)  I did enjoy the
descriptions--very evocative: I could feel the night, the sand and sea
and so on. And I was interested in whatever it was that was going on,
but the conclusion didn't catch my interest enough to spur research.
If only some kindly editor had provided a preface.  Too much mystery.
Too much missing. Two slightly apologetic  kisses.

***

Peaches:

The story peeked my interest. How is it a guy picks up a girl in a
bar, but doesn't leave with her, instead he gets her to meet him on
the beach later? It makes me wonder what his allure is. Unfortunately,
these questions aren't answered. The visual beauty of the story helps
to make up for the unanswered questions somewhat. 

But I don't think you have anything to apologize for, Cream. It's not
just the reader's responsibility to understand a story. The author
also has to communicate his intent in understandable terms. In this
case, I think something could have been added at the end of the story
to explain more of the symbolism.

***

Peaches: 3.5 kisses
Cream: 2 kisses

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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