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Message-ID: <37666asstr$1028477405@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: thedisciplen@yahoo.com (DiscipleN)
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NNTP-Posting-Date: 3 Aug 2002 23:05:45 GMT
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} 'Came too soon.'  RomFest REVIEW by the Split-DiscipleN
Date: Sun,  4 Aug 2002 12:10:05 -0400
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d
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WARNING: writing the sour Curmudgeon is a lot more fun than sweet
Encourage. So please apply filters against his brow-beating style.


Call me Curmudge and Encourage
Yesterday I experimented with too many psycho-active food suppliments
while reading romance festival submissions. When I came to, I found I
had written the following.


Romance Festival? Bloody harpy food no doubt! All those gushing, fat,
self-styled elven princesses and idealistic nerd twits are pumping
their genitals in public again. Don't they realize only hollywood
approved formulas and play-gender magazine poster mench and mencha
should be allowed on the internet? Don't we have enough laws yet to
protect the publishing industry from the actual public's sordid and
extemporaneous fantasies?

Careful dear, you'll put a new wrinkle in your brow. I think it's
rather sweet. Look at all the work these people went to. They must be
wonderfully horny and immune from frustration.

I don't see our Lord and Master spilling his seed into this mix.

Yes... well, he does have his niche.

<chortle> Right. Just look at his first pick. Do the letters mF spell
anything familiar?

Oh, I'm sure it's a nice story about innocence. It is called:
"Knowledge Too Soon" by El Gato

It might be about innocence, the writer's innocence at storytelling.
What a load of...

Dear! I must insist we don't injure anyone. There's a lot of good work
here.

Fine, you can stimulate the hypothalimus this time. I thought it
started slow. It's introduction rambled all over the map when The Cat
should have introduced the observer and moved on. It is a 'through the
eyes of story' after all. I want to read more about what's seen than
wade through descriptions of the guy looking. Throughout the story we
learn a lot about him, but not much about the girl. Perhaps I
shouldn't assume that a 'through the eyes of...' story should be more
about the people and situations observed than the observer. I want to
learn about the observer indirectly. Here's an example:
(Dee told me a little about herself, as well. She had been a skinny
tomboy growing up, but decided to stop brooding over her lack of tits
(I blushed furiously when she said this), as she got older. Dee was
also proud of her sculptured hips and legs that she got from swimming
and dancing. Then came the day I 'graduated' from the NSF course, and
the rest of the kids went home. My real education was about to begin,
but I just didn't know it.)
The writer begins to describe the woman character, physically mostly,
and then he jumps right back to talking about the guy.

The title warned us it would be slow. The beginning successfully sets
up the situation. We know where, when, and enough about the main
character to begin imagining what will happen next. The author's
techincal prose is commended. Our un-edited comments will look quite
amateurish by comparison.

<hrrumph!> So here's this high-schooler taking college classes.
Suddenly he bumps into a girl that immediately takes him under her
wing and...  What is this, Japanese Anime with the genders reversed?

You mean Hentai, dear. Some women are like that. They know what they
want and take it. Obviously, the writer likes this kind of girl. It's
not like the romance festival is earning anyone their groceries. I
thought the story of them dancing set up their romance quite nicely.
And the woman reinforced her character by explaining she just wanted a
summer fling.

That's another thing I got tired of, all the explaining. Do you know
how hard it is to suspend your disbelief when everything is pointed
out. Why couldn't the author let the story explain things in due
course? We are told the two lovers were constantly talking, growing
closer, but we only hear a smattering of their conversations. I'm
sorry, but I had to take too much on faith.

Look at the things that did happen. Once their paths became one, I
found their banter and sex play to be very warm. It was disciplined
and paced just right for a story about exploration.

It could have been hotter.

Everyone isn't like you. I can imagine a lot of screen-cleaning
occured in the aftermath of reading this story.

At least she took it up the ass with grace. I like ass fucking.

And it ended with a sweet melancholy. This story is competently
structured. I was very pleased it didn't harbor the tired stand-by of
a mid-story crisis. El Gato can be very proud of his/her efforts.

I didn't shed even a drop of sweat from my eye sockets. It was a sappy
ending and you know it. 'cried at her wedding' <blarg> And how the
hell did the author decide on the title? We aren't given a shred of
evidence that all this new found knowledge troubled him, UNTIL HE
TELLS US, 'I wasn't really ready for everything that I learned'.


CONCLUSION: I was ready to cum and go. 2 condoms (out of four).
(The condom rating system is based upon how many condoms I have to
wear to keep me, while reading the story, from cumming before I want
to.)

DN

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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