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Message-ID: <35047asstr$1012745405@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: jan_iam@hotmail.com (Jan)
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit
NNTP-Posting-Date: 3 Feb 2002 01:13:50 GMT
Subject: {ASSM} This is My Story; Parts 1 + 2
Date: Sun,  3 Feb 2002 09:10:05 -0500
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
Approved: <assm@asstr-mirror.org>
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d

Take this as is, I wrote it down because I was asked, no harassed into
doing so, maybe it will help to exercise some demons I have about the
whole thing.

I suspected I was gay back in High School, `guys/men' basically, well
sorry, but you gross me out, not so much anymore I am happy to say. 
That alone, however did not conclusively mean I was gay.

Getting thru high school was tough, given the school I had to primp
and dress in the latest fashions, GOD! I couldn't wait till college
and be more of myself, but college had it's own roller coaster ride of
an experience, but that's something else all together and more
private.

My trials and tribulations in the online community lead me to many and
I do mean MANY dead ends in relationships.  Lesson number one, women
can be just as obsessive over the physical as guys can be, I will
never send my picture out again to someone until I have thoroughly
screened them (if that is even a realistic thing to think).  Anyway,
enough of that rant, I read about some exciting encounters and a few
horrifying ones, I thought maybe I was better off alone and still do.

Now, how I came to this topic `Breast fighting' (I still cringe at the
use of fighting) wasn't really on my agenda, Breast Cancer was, It
doesn't run in my family but I am very aware of certain issues, but it
needed to be mentioned since this is how it all started.  I blame
google.com for returning that web site on my search for information. 
The web page (shall go unnamed) showed a woman offering her services
to wrestle men and women, my first reaction was a burst of laughter at
the very idea, I don't know, it just seemed funny at the time.  Well,
she was pretty good looking with a very nice body, I bet she gets
allot business!

Hmm, sorry this is a bit tougher then I thought to explain, let me
see, anyway.....maybe it was a moment of weakness......maybe I needed the
distraction...maybe..., I have allot to offer, but I don't know, finding
the right person flat out plan sucks...

I think I will finish this later



So anyway, it's much later about a week later now, and I am glad I had
the wits about me to save the intro above.  Helps remind me where I
was and such.

My moment of weakness lead me down a dark path, no insult intended to
men or women here, I am sure this is a way of life that many people
enjoy and participate in.  For me, it became a momentary diversion.

Damn it, I am attractive, alone and I ached...and I do mean ACHED to
feel another women near me, against me, the idea of another women
pressing her soft breasts and nipples into mine, an encounter with a
stranger, with no past and no future had become a turn on, but one I
was to find out I was not prepared to handle.  Mind you, I was more
into the sensual side of this experience, all this nonsense about
slapping and punching...fuck what the hell do you think these things
are?  I plan on holding onto my breasts, well for the rest of my damn
life and the thought of some women raking her fingernails down my skin
scarred the shit out of me, no way, no how, never!

Funny thing, I am a person of habit.  I am sitting here drinking the
same brand of wine that I had when I got the courage up to ask a girl
in a chat room if she had ever heard of two women rubbing their tits
together for the sake of pleasure, or...hmmm.....what was the exact
wording I used....something to the effect, in a competitive nature or
rivalry?
She was no dummy, she laughed at me and called me "precious"! What the
fuck!?
I was embarrassed and humiliated for asking, she said she knew what I
was "Referring to" and said I should talk to another friend of hers
about such things.
"Forget it, don't bother" I logged off and turned off my computer, red
faced and pissed at myself.

A couple of days later I get a chat request, I accepted and it was to
be my undoing in the end.  I will call her "Linda".
Linda was nice and sweet, we talked for most of the night and then she
dropped the bombshell on me, she told me she had gotten an email from
our mutual `friend' (friend my ass, this was a setup).  I contemplated
turning off my computer right then, and ending it, fearful of where
she was going, but I didn't.  She had been so nice and we connected,
or so I thought.  She couldn't see, but my face was red as I responded
to her inquires about women comparing their breasts and she asked if I
wanted to know more.

"Yes"

I guess one word was all I could muster, my heart pounded in my chest
as she pulled the conversation out of me; word-by-word, line-by-line,
I had become an inept user of the English language at that point.  At
this time it still felt a bit silly and farfetched, but in the end it
was her unending  patience thru it all, and she took every question
with a serious tone, never once! making fun of me.
And she had earned my trust for answering every question about
herself, no matter how embarrassing.  Anyway, I was tired and falling
asleep, we said our goodbyes so I could crawl into bed, alone and
unsure.  As sleep came over me, I thought about the concept long and
hard and at the moment I gave it some serous consideration I felt a
warm tingling sensation thru ought my entire body, but unfortunately
that was also the same time sleep overcame me...so much for that.

It was a few more days before I had time to log back into my favorite
chat room, and I have to say, I was more then a little disappointed
Linda was no where to be found.  Fortunately that changed as I was
almost ready to give up on another night of boring convo' that only
seemed to depress me.  Just then, Linda's chat window came up, I just
about pee'd in my pants!  So stupid and school girlish of me to act
like that.

We verbally danced around with chit-chat for a few minutes, while it
was great to talk to someone that I really like, it was dreadful at
the same time, I knew she would bring it up and sure enough, she did. 
When Linda and I had achieved some level of respect and trust, she
told me about a girlfriend she had, this story of hers was HER first
experience into the world of breast fighting.  She didn't go into
allot of detail, she didn't need to, it was everything I wanted, hell
for all I know she could have been making it up just to turn me on,
but it worked (that fucking bitch).  About half way thru her story my
jaw had gone slack and I wasn't even responding anymore, my hands had
left the keyboard, I was in total shock as my own nipples were hard
enough that they left impressions in my white night shirt.  I took a
nipple in each hand and pinched them gently pretending that I was the
one under Linda in that bed as she went on about how they proceeded to
roll their chests across one another gently at first.  They even
giggled some, but it soon turned serious and the pressure
increased....anyway, this isn't a story about that, this is about what
happened to me.

"Is that what you want?" Linda asked.

I had become so distracted and yes, I hate to admit it, a little
aroused not just in my nipples that it took a second to quickly put my
hands back on the keyboard and type.

"I think so." 

"Do you want to?" Linda replied.

"I think so"  (as you can see I am wiz in conversation here.)

"With me? :)"  

My moment of dread, I panicked and once again reached for the power
button on my computer.  But I didn't, I just sat there watching the
screen, my heart raced, my nipples were hard and yes yes yes yes! I
was even getting wet.

"I still don't know, I'm a bit scarred" I said.
Hey I have nothing to loose at this point, I was flipping out, and so
I don't mind admitting the fact that I was a big chicken where all of
this was concerned.

"Jan, nothing will happen that you don't want to happen.  Besides, if
nothing else, we can just meet and talk."

Linda was great, she didn't ask about how I looked or how big my
breasts were or any of that, she just wanted to met and talk if that
is all I wanted.  I needed that security, it gave me the encouragement
to finally say "Ok".

Linda was a little over three states away from me, a bummer.  In the
interim we chatted and emailed about where to meet and we even got
around to exchanging pictures of one another.  Although after I sent
her my picture I got worried, I didn't hear back from her for two
whole days, when I did hear back I was shocked to find out that she!
had almost called the whole thing off, she felt a bit intimidated by
my looks and that I was younger then her and that my breasts were a
bit bigger also (wow I was really flattered, that was a giant
confidence booster, I really needed it too).  To ease her mind I told
her that I was a bottle-blonde (a light hair brunette really) and that
I wasn't that young, I am in my late-late twenties (yeah like I am
telling my age here).  She said I looked closer to my early twenties,
while she was in her mid to late thirties.
For some reason she was very emphatic that I keep my hair blonde, she
had always had a fantasy about matching up with a blonde as she a
brunette with a slight shade of red tint, her hair was long, in
contrast to my hair being only about reaching the middle of my neck.
Height wise I thought she was fine, around 5'5" to my 5'6".

I was not crazy about a long car trip, I told her to pick a decent
hotel midway, as I was planning on staying the night, no matter what,
no way could I handle this trip and make the car trip back in the same
day.  I was embarrassed when she said that she hoped things would go
well enough for it to be an overnight trip and then some.
(There I was, acting the stupid giddy schoolgirl, turning red and
getting flushed.)

I'll skip allot of boring crap, like reservations, taking time off of
work and stuff like that.

By now, we had started to talk on the phone some.  The first time I
heard her voice, it wasn't at all what I expected, it was soft and
very feminine, and she sounded like she should be on radio or
something like that it was so smooth.  The day before we were to meet,
I felt like that was my last opportunity to lay it on the line.

"No rough stuff please!  Let's just see what happens.  I really need
your reassurance this will be mutual."  Again Linda was wonderful, she
said she was just as nervous as I was and then asked me the strangest
question,

"Would you mind dressing kind of sexy?"

I was floored, I assumed she was asking because she thought something
might develop out of this.  `I'll be damned' my mind raced, I had
gotten so caught up in my fantasy playing out that I had forgotten a
potentially budding romance here.  I gathered my wits about and
cradling the phone close to my mouth, I spoke in the sexiest tone I
could muster,
"If you'll dress the same way for me?" My knees were knocking and my
pulse quickened, the phone trembled in my hands now.

"You know I will." 

I thought Linda to be an attractive woman all right, not beautiful,
she was not full figured, but was pretty all right, but her sudden
direct questions and underlying sexual tone suddenly made her the most
erotic woman on the planet to me.  We proceeded to tease one another
that night about how short our skirts would be and if we would be
wearing bra and panties under our outfits.  At one point during the
conversation I almost got brave enough to ask her if we could
masturbate to one another over the phone, but I chickened out.

That phone call was my undoing, I hung up the receiver shaking, and
more aroused then I had been in years.  Quickly I slipped off my
cotton panties and crawled under the covers, I cut off my bedside lap
so I could finger myself in total darkness...it was incredible.
I probably massaged my clit to about three orgasms that night thinking
about Linda and what it would be like.  In my own mind I could
fantasize, there I could control everything and I felt safe, I did
contemplate the original intention of this meeting, the two of us
rubbing our breasts against one another....

Oh, who the fuck am I kidding, I was prepared to fold like a deck of
cards, I had no idea what I was getting into.........Tomorrow was going to
be an interesting day.

Shit, I have to stop here, my fingers are killing me from
typing.....besides, I really need to try and get into the right frame of
mind to properly tell what happened.
It wasn't what I was expecting, it was far more sexually exciting and
arousing then I ever anticipated, but it was also terrifying.

Until then, I wonder if `Linda' is online now.







The first hour into the drive was exciting; you know the anticipation
and all of that.  But hell, two to three hours into the drive I was
tired, worried and sick to my stomach over the whole affair.  For some
reason the whole thing seemed like some type of business trip, I
actually began to take a very formal attitude about the whole thing,
perhaps it was my way of coping whenever I do something irrational,
hell I suspect allot of people do this, you know `coping', it's how we
get thru the daily grind.

I had stopped at a few rest stops and even pulled into a Burger King
for a quick lunch, the only excitement I ever felt was looking around
at all of the people going about their daily business, none of them
knowing of the adventure I was embarking on, it was my little secret. 
I wondered what someone would say to me if I was to just walk up to
some lady or man for that fact and confess what little adventure I was
on.  I suspect someone would initially be repulsed, but that is all
superficial stuff, people always suppress their inner most desires
unless brought out in the right way and by the right person.

I can remember when reality set in, it was the moment that I saw the
exit sign and a billboard advertising the new "Radisson" Hotel in the
middle of Downtown ****mond.  It looked nice, real nice and I was
relieved that Linda had picked such a nice place, not some cheap, slut
motel, although that image excited me a bit too.  Anyway, it was my
moment of awakening, my heart just about leapt out of my chest! It was
pounding like crazy and I had to wipe my palms on my faded blue jeans
to clear the sweat.  I remember clutching the steering wheel as I
pulled myself forward looking at the Hotel in the distance, wide-eyed
and open mouth.  It took every bit of concentration to navigate thru
traffic and to calm down long enough to get my bearings, it was hell.

Up until now, I had tried to maintain an aloof attitude about the
whole thing, a problem that girlfriends of mine in the past accuse me
of being too much of the time.  Somewhat uncaring and above
everything, leaving myself unattached to what was going on around me,
it was usually too late before I was aware things were falling apart
in my personal life.  But walking into that damn lobby I got a
overwhelming sense of insecurity, every guy and girl that glanced in
my direction sent shivers down my spine, I barely noticed the Marble
flooring and walls, the business men/women that were briskly walking,
going about their daily lives.
No! None of that, all I could think about was a panicked feeling of
"They know! I know they fucking know!!" it was like everyone knew why
I was there, they could read my damn dirty little mind and I suddenly
felt humiliated.  It all came to a head when I approached the large
spacious check in counter, an attractive brunette looked up and smiled
at me, that bitch!  She knows, she's smiling at me and thinking the
whole time,
"well well well, look at this whore that just walked in to meet with
her little online slut, the two of them are going to have a nice
little tit fight and one of them is going to get fucked."

Yet she kept smiling at me the whole time,

I wanted to reach across the desk and punch her in the face.....

"Your name?"

"What?" I asked, snapping out of my self-induced trance of rage.  I
might have gotten a bit snippy with her, I feel bad for that now.

She remained polite and courteous, although I had a shitty attitude;
it was the only thing that got me thru the check in process and into
my room.  Smiling now, I recall a really cocky thought I had as I
walked from the desk; I glanced back over my shoulder at her as she
went back to her job... `Yeah, don't look at me bitch or I'll kick your
ass next.'
Listen to me will you, big talk all right.

I fucked around with that goddamn card thing that you have to run thru
a whatever, I hate those fucking things; I finally did get the door
open.  Wow, what a nice room it was too, the windows were drawn back,
a large king size bed with a small little refrigerator.  I almost
forgot why I was there, I looked over at the large screen TV tucked
into the wall,
"Wow...cool!" Yeah I really said that.
"I wonder what's on." Can you believe that shit, I actually was
wondering what was on the TV, totally forgetting why I was there,
maybe I needed the distraction, yes now that I think about it, I did
need the distraction.  I kicked off my running shoes and flopped back
on the bed grabbing the remote, "Ha! I bet she doesn't even show."
Leaning back I tucked the pillows under my head and stretched out my
legs in front of me to do a little surfing, it felt like I was on
vacation!

Some mid afternoon movie was on one of the cable channels, I believe
it was "The Mask" with Jim Carrey, I really liked that film, it's
funny and it so took my mind off things.

And then...
That damn phone rang, it was right next to the bed and blew my ass
over almost,
"Dammit!" I know I cursed aloud; I wanted to hurl it across the room. 
At first I didn't answer, I just looked at it, like it was some
foreign object that I didn't know how to use.
Rolling over I leaned over and picked up the receiver
"Hello?"

"Hey Jan, it's Linda"

Oh fuck!
I bolted to an upright position, I was freaking out, the remote fell
on the floor I scrambled to grab it and turn the volume down on the
TV.

"Linda, Hey how are you?" Oh yeah, that sounds good; I am a winner all
right.  I went from being totally relaxed and at ease watching my
movie to total freaking wreck in just a few seconds.

She laughed a little,   
"I'm fine, did you get all settled in?" that bitch, she was playing
off of my nervousness, she could see right thru me all right.

"Yeah, yeah, this is a really nice place." Now that I meant sincerely,
I was really enjoying the Hotel.

And then there was a moment of silence, that uncomfortable pause.  But
I was sick of being the stupid, inexperienced younger woman in this so
I tried to speak first, you know take the initiative.

"I...uhh...."  Well, that's as far as I got, so much for taking the
initiative, thankfully, Linda, being her usual sweet self jumped in.

"If you need some more time, you know to collect yourself, I know this
can be a bit nerve wracking, I was going to lay down and take a nap. 
Could we meet around 6:00pm? Your room?"

Ohhhhhhhhh.........fuuuuuuuuuuuck
That's all I could think, my voice came out in a low husky tone, and I
even think I was panting a bit,
"Uh yeah, that sounds good."

"I just want to be rested for later, and if you want we can even go
downstairs to the bar and talk."

"Jan?"

"Yeah?" 

"I'm glad you made the trip, everything's going to be ok." I needed to
hear that, I really did, a bit of the weight suddenly felt lifted from
my shoulders.

I hung up the phone and immediately I started freaking again,
`She needs rest? What is that all about? Did she have a long trip,
maybe that's it, or maybe she is trying to get rested because she is
playing on kicking my ass later.  No not Linda! She wouldn't do that
to me!  That bitch, I shouldn't underestimate anyone, not even her. 
Fine two can play that game!.'

I jumped on the bed and laid down curling my legs up as I nestled by
head down into the pillow, `Fine I'll get some rest too.'
I just lay there, staring at the clock,

"3:00pm"
"3:15pm"
"3:45pm"
"4:00pm"
"4:30pm"

FUCK!!!!! I rolled over staring at the ceiling, I reached up pulling
my hair with my hands, She is somewhere in this hotel sleeping like a
baby and I can't even close my eyes!!

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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