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Subject: {ASSM} Kentucky Wonder 2 (MF, cheat, inc)
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<1st attachment, "KW 2.txt" begin>
Kentucky Wonder (Cheat, MF, Inc) Part 2
Synopsis
Corrine Deere tells her own story. It
is the tale of a servile wife and mother
whose effort to be a person in her own
right is frustrated by her boorish
husband. A full-blown compulsive, Leon
masks his abuse and bigotry with self-
righteousness. His repressive control
results in a stinging backlash that
neither she nor he could have predicted.
Disclaimer
This story contains graphic sexual
scenes of incest and adultery. If you
are under the legal age of adulthood in
your state, find another story. This
story is not to be read where it is
illegal. The possible resemblance to
actual characters, living or dead is
purely coincidental. This story may not
be posted or changed or otherwise used
by anyone anywhere without the
permission of OneGallus.
"Kentucky Wonder"
Part 2
It's a long way from Toledo to Hardin.
It's a long way back through the
intervening years to that young woman
and her young brother. I still think
about Ralph today with fondness, with
love. I cannot not think about him.
Of course, I did not take his nor my
mother's advice. I went through with my
wedding to Leon a month later. I thought
I couldn't halt it. The invitations had
been sent out, the ladies at church had
scheduled a shower and I felt like I had
launched too far into the journey of
life commitment with Leon to turn back.
When Ralph gave me away that day, he
squeezed my upper arm twice, very
quickly and gave me over to Leon. I
have often wondered if those two
squeezes meant, "goodbye," or "love you"
or "thank you" or what. No verbal
acknowledgment of that night out there
on the lane ever took place. Life went
on between us as it had always had.
Ralph himself married five years later.
Then only a year later, he and his wife
were killed as they exited a rest area
on the freeway. A semi had the right of
way, and Ralph had not noticed it
approaching from the rear. There had
been plenty of time for the truck to
stop, but "I had the right of way," the
driver said, and he took it. So my
brother and his wife died.
Six months later, another tragedy caved
in on me. Mama died of pancreatic
cancer. She was gone within a month of
when they discovered it.
For a while, Leon was very understanding
after my loved ones' deaths, but as my
grief continued into the next year, he
became resentful and told me to get over
it. I had pulled back from Leon
sexually because of the grief, and I
know now I probably needed counseling.
Certainly, I needed time. Leon, however,
knew only one way to restore sexual
relations. He pulled out his jackhammer
and fucked me against my will. The
result was that I conceived Lonnie. I
learned then that something good could
come from something bad.
After Lonnie was born, we resumed
occasional sexual intercourse, but
Leon's lack of sensitivity had left a
kind of resentment in me from which I
never recovered.
Leon was proud of Lonnie. He took him
everywhere, showed him off to his
friends and we even took him with us to
bluegrass festivals. He always sat
right by his dad at church and was
invariably well behaved.
Lonnie was musical, and much to the
delight of his father, he took naturally
to the guitar. However, his chording
became progressively more complex and he
eventually evolved into jazz and pop
rock. He was an excellent singer and,
in time, a prolific songwriter. When the
artistic transformation became apparent,
his dad became unhappy. He told Lonnie
that his new music didn't make much
sense and that he was shooting too low
on the target. He said that jazz was
just a lot of confusion and didn't
really require any skill other than an
ability to run your fingers up and down
the strings like a crazy man.
Lonnie's response was always in the vein
of, "I like your music Dad, but jazz is
where I am, it's where my heart is.
It's like you and your bluegrass, Dad.
Only with me, it's jazz." Leon just
shook his head.
After high school, Lonnie enrolled at
Toledo University as music major and
began working jazz gigs at night. In
late winter, he won the audition to sing
the National Anthem at the Opening Day
for the Mud Hens. When he performed it,
he was on Toledo television.
Photographers took his picture and it
appeared the next day in the Toledo
Blade and some of the neighborhood
papers as well.
Right after Leon's triumph, he was all
smiles and flushed with success. That
night his daddy said, "Well, Son, I
woulda been proud of you if you'd just
had a fiddle and mandolin a backin' you
up."
Lonnie winced when Leon said that, as if
his daddy had hit him with the back of
his hand. Why wasn't he proud of him
anyway? To me, that remark made Leon
Deere a first class sorry-son-of-a-bitch
and not worthy to dig holes for anyone.
Lonnie regained his composure and
laughed it off, but I knew he'd been cut
to the quick. For my part, I was
finished with walking on eggshells just
to please Leon Deere.
On a particular day, I find myself
standing in the guestroom of our home,
which became Leon's bedroom almost a
year before. I pull out the top drawer
of the dresser and I see the folded
handkerchiefs, rolled up belts and a
small collection of pocketknives,
arranged by the color of the handles.
There is also his wooden nut bowl; the
kind people set out for Christmas. I
pull out the second drawer. All his
dress socks are on the left, his work
socks on the right. The brown socks are
all in a row. The blue socks are beside
them. Then, there are the gray socks
here, and over there, the patterned
socks. I close the top drawer and open
the underwear drawer below. Each like-
item is in a neat stack, shorts here,
tee shirts there, V shirts, and
thermals, each in its own pile, the
piles not touching one another, not
much, at least.
When we were sleeping in the same room,
Leon would constantly criticize my
disorganized drawers. One day, he came
in with a shallow cardboard box and
said, "Here, just dump all my stuff in
this box when you do the laundry and
shove it under the bed. I'll put it
away myself. You can live like a pig if
you want to, but I don't do want to."
I close the second drawer and go back to
the top one. I look down into the
wooden nut bowl. There is an extra set
of keys for his Dodge pickup and my
Dodge Shadow. The nut bowl is where
Leon keeps his pocket stuff, his keys,
his checkbook, and his savings book and,
of course, his wallet, all of which are
on his person during the day. He
carries an old worn out wallet with a
red rubber band around it. The wallet
is an inch and a half thick and it's
hard packed with hundreds, fifties and
twenties. Also in it are his driver's
license, union card, and other
treasures, like Lester Flatt's guitar
pick. The wallet makes a huge bulge in
his left rear pocket. He says he may
run into a good deal somewhere and need
the cash.
Leon gives me seventy-five dollars for
groceries every week and then he gives
me another thirty for spending money.
Of course, with Lonnie and his appetite,
plus Leon and me, that's not enough for
the kind of meals we want, or even need.
I asked Leon for more and he says, "Take
it out of the thirty." There's a major
furor when I need a dress.
I look at his big confederate flag he
has fixed to the walls. There are
pictures of his grandfathers on either
side of the flag, none of his
grandmothers. There is a picture of him
and his father on a coon hunt when he
was a boy, none of his mother, none of
me, and none of Lonnie.
I look over to the other wall and see
his entertainment center. He has a big
screen television, a VHS player, DVD
player, a CD player, a cassette tape
deck. There are big and little speakers
in two four four-foot-high wooden
cabinets standing on the floor on either
side of the room. Leon likes plenty of
separation between the fiddle and the
mandolin when he listens to his
bluegrass. Other than the $105 he gives
me every week, I receive nothing else
from Leon. Perhaps he can't afford it
after purchasing such equipment.
There is an almost new mocha-colored
recliner that fits his body as if they
designed it around him. Over the
recliner is a plywood nick-knack shelf
that Leon made in wood-shop when he was
a junior at Marshall County High School.
On it is a semi-circular arrangement of
small wooden carvings and pewter
castings of deer he has collected
through the years. Inside the semi-
circle is a bright short-barreled
twenty-two revolver, nickel-plated, with
a white pearl handle. I pick it up,
careful to keep my finger away from the
trigger. I sight into the front of the
cylinder and see the rounded tips of the
small cartridges. That twenty-two
pistol has sat on that nick-knack shelf
ever since we moved to Toledo. Leon
explained it this way; "We're only fifty
miles from Dee-troit. If them niggers
ever come down here and stir up trouble,
I want to be ready."
Strangely, Leon stopped using the term
"nigger" five years ago. Now he calls
the pistol his "African-American Gun."
This is the room Leon comes to as soon
as he gets home from work and finishes
with his shower. He listens to
bluegrass till I call him to supper and
when he's finished with that, he comes
back here. He listens some more or
watches television or tapes of old
movies. Sometimes he varies his music
and plays Hank Williams Sr.
He's occupied this room for over a year now.
Before that, we slept in the same bed, but
that's about all we did, sleep. For the past
two years or so, Leon hasn't initiated any
sex, and if you have sex with Leon, you let
him initiate it.
To add to the estrangement, there was another
conflict about sleeping together. Normally he
went to bed before I did, leaving me working
on my scrapbook till late. Then he would
occasionally sleep in the guestroom. He said,
that way I didn't disturb him when I finally
came to bed. In a few weeks he was sleeping
in the guestroom almost every night. In a few
months, I noticed that all his clothes and
accessories had been moved from my room and
that's the way it's been since then.
Leon still goes to bluegrass concerts
all over Ohio and Kentucky but I don't
go with him anymore. Gradually it
occurred to me that I had become
indifferent to bluegrass, so I just quit
going. That disturbed Leon greatly,
since my quitting wasn't in his plans.
When I told him I wasn't going anymore,
he didn't speak to me for three weeks. I
knew he was counting on my relenting and
resuming my travels with him, but I
never gave in. Actually, I found out
that Leon's silence had its positive
points. Finally he gave up on me as his
bluegrass-partner, but that's not to say
that Leon ever quit trying to control my
life.
On another front, the basement had
become rather cluttered and Leon
constantly nagged me about cleaning it.
"Better get to that pretty soon, girl.
Don't waste so much time on that stupid
scrapbook."
I said nothing, but I had begun to boil
inside. My tactic was long term
attrition. I did not raise a finger to
straighten the basement for several
weeks. A month later, I heard Leon open
the side door off the kitchen, come into
the vestibule and then walk half way
down the basement stairs. His footsteps
paused, and I knew he must have been
inspecting the mess. Then I heard him
walk the rest of the way down the steps.
I heard activity down in the basement
for the next hour. That evening, he
said nothing at supper, which by the
way, was cold when he finally came up to
eat it. He did look at me several
times, hard.
After he had retired to his room, I
walked down the basement stairs to find
the area completely tossed. He had
pulled everything out of its box,
emptied the shelves, and thrown the
items all over the floor, so that it was
now four times as messy as it had ever
been. I let it stay. I stopped using
the basement entirely except for the
laundry, and I made a path for that.
Usually I stay up late and work on my
scrapbook, an ever-changing expression
of the significant experiences of my
life. I block out and calligraph long
narratives around the pictures or
memorabilia that I fix to the pages. By
this time, the scrapbook is several
volumes in length. One day, I hope to
give it to Lonnie and his wife.
On one the pages, there is a patch torn
from a white dress with blue notes all
over it. Beside it I scripted: "I wore
this in my last talk with Ralph, under
the oak tree at the old home place, in
Kentucky." On another page is a picture
of Ralph escorting me up the isle on the
day of my wedding.
While I work, I watch TV out of the
corner of my eye, till I almost fall
over. Then I go to bed. At 5:30 AM I
pull myself from the bed and fix Leon's
breakfast and get him off to work to
Jeep every morning. One morning I hit
the snooze alarm, hoping for just five
minutes more of sleep. Leon stuck his
head in the door and shouted, "Fix us
some breakfast girl! The good Lord
knows you ain't doin' nothin' else
around here!"
When Leon backs his pickup out of the
driveway, I drag myself up out of the
kitchen chair and try to get the first
floor into shape before Lonnie gets up.
Lonnie has to be at Toledo U by 8:00. I
think he must wake up when his daddy
does, but he just lies there in the bed,
waiting for Leon to leave, then he gets
up.
Lonnie is built like his late Uncle
Ralph. He has dark wavy hair, broad
shoulders and slender hips. He is well
over six feet tall and much heavier than
his father ever was. Leon still carries
that scrawny, bantam rooster quality
that he had when he was a child. Any
event that touches Leon's life in
anyway, Leon's rooster eye is always
glaring out the message, "I want the
say-so here." He is the little cock of
the walk.
Unlike his daddy, Lonnie has a sweet
considerate disposition, so much like my
brother, Ralph. His girlfriend-going-
on-fiancee is the preacher's daughter at
church, Abby Hewlett. I think they've
got a real romance going, but Lonnie
isn't forgetful of his mother. He's
very affectionate toward me, helps me
around the house and talks to me, even
if his daddy doesn't. He never forgets
my birthdays or holidays and though he
can't afford much, he always gets me
something that says, "You're special."
Lonnie told me that Pastor Hewlett was
looking for a part-time secretary at the
church. He encouraged me to call the
church and apply for the job. I told
him no immediately, thinking I'd make a
fool of myself after so many years, but
then I re-thought the issue and guessed
I might look into it.
I wondered how Leon would feel if I got
the job. In a way, I hoped he might
balk at the idea so I could defy him.
Leon figured I was a failure at
everything anyway, so I might like the
opportunity to prove him wrong. I wanted
to win the job and I wanted to make good
at it. That afternoon, I picked up the
phone and dialed the church office.
George Hewlett answered.
"Hello! This is Corrine Deere, how are
you today?"
"Hello, Corinne Deere! I'm fine, how
are you?" said the pastor.
"Well, I'm looking for a job, I hear you
need someone."
"Yes, it's only part time right now,
maybe if we both like each other, the
hours can increase."
"Oh I like you OK," I said giggling.
"That's because I'm not your boss! You
might not like me in the office," he
said, bantering.
"Well, it's been a long time since I've
worked. I had an office job with Murray
State when I was a student there. I did
a little typing, but that was back
during the typewriter days."
"That shouldn't be a problem, do you use
a computer at home?"
"No much. Lonnie has shown me a few
things."
"Yes, bless our children's hearts! It
was Abby who introduced me to the
computer, but I'm just a hunter and
pecker, so I can't get the full benefit
of it. You're not a hunter or a pecker
are you, Corrine?"
"No, I use the touch method." If this
was not double-double entendre, then it
was close to it, but I swear that it was
unintentional.
"Oh, that's nice," he said, "Then why
not let us try it for a month or so and
see if it works out? How about three
mornings a week, Monday, Wednesday and
Friday?"
"OK Pastor."
"Now, Corrine, what is this `Pastor'
business? Since we'll have both the
office and our children in common, you'd
best call me 'George.' Besides, Sandra
and I are just Briars, like you and
Leon."
He didn't sound like a Briar, an
affectionate title for a backwoods
Kentuckian. Thousands of us were
scattered through the social and
economic strata of Ohio citizenry.
Through the century we had migrated
north across the Ohio River, looking for
work. There is a story that says that's
why there's so much Kentucky Blue Grass
in Ohio. We Briars brought the seeds
over between our toes, already
fertilized.
I was grateful for George's down to
earth disposition. I had always held
clergymen in awe, and it had tensed me
that I would have to work with one.
"I know, 'George!' I didn't know whether
the job would call for your title or
not."
"I'm just 'George' to you, Corrine."
That night, I told Leon that I had a
job. He raised his eyebrows. "Who
would hire you?" he said.
"I'll be doing some part time
secretarial work at the church," I said.
"You never said nothing to me about it."
he said.
"No, I guess I didn't."
"I would like to know what goes on in my
own house," he said. Then he chuckled
bitterly through his teeth.
"What's so funny?" I said.
"Well, you, with a job, that's what!
You ain't worked since Murray State."
"Well, I know, it'll take a little time
since I'm rusty. I'll be slow at first,
I know."
He snorted, "Yep, you're so slow you
can't get your rear end off a chair to
do nothing around here. Corrine, some
people is borned slow, and you was
borned slow. You need to stay home and
get something done around 'is house."
I said nothing.
"Go on then, make a fool out of
yourself."
I remained silent, but I became aware
that my stomach was Japanese hard. When
I was finally alone in my room that
night, I whispered, "Mama, I'm not
digging any more holes for myself.
Ralph, I'm not walking on anymore
eggshells." There were tears in my eyes
when I said it.
Pastor Hewlett proved to be gentle boss,
but he kept nagging me in a friendly way
about practicing my typing and cutting
down on my typos. I was terribly slow,
and not very accurate. I had been a
fair typist, but computers and the word
processor were strange to me. I made up
my mind to get some special instruction
from my son.
George told me I should be able to type
up the newsletter in about two hour's
time. On the other days, there were odds
and ends to do, letters, filing and
ordering. As it turned out, it took me
four hours just to do the newsletter
that first week. That didn't leave me
enough time to do the other work.
George let me take stuff home to finish
up but he said I couldn't turn in any
more than my actual in-office time. He
didn't say it but I felt it was either
that or give up the job.
Sure enough, when Leon saw my homework,
he sniped at me for being so slow. "At
your age, you ain't gonna get no faster,
girl."
At first, the old feeling of catering to
Leon returned and it shook me. Then I
remembered my resolve, no jumping into
holes.
The criticism, however, had its effect,
so when I went to the office the next
time, I offered to quit if George wanted
me to, but he looked surprised and said
I should stick with it. He was really
nice to me, in spite of everything.
Lonnie thinks I'm improving. I've been
doing a lot of practicing on his
computer in his bedroom and he coaches
me from time to time. I'm afraid I may
disturb him, but he says not. One
night I was practicing and got so
stressed out, I just slumped down in the
desk chair and sighed. Lonnie looked up
from his book and said, "What's the
matter, Mom?"
"Lonnie, I feel like my head's about to
burst, trying to learn all this stuff.
Lonnie looked up from his notebook,
"Take a break Mom, I'll rub your
shoulders."
Lonnie got off the bed where he had been
sitting and came up behind me. He began
with the tendons from my shoulders to my
neck, gripping them firmly and
squeezing. Then his fingers traveled up
my neck and onto my scalp. He was
making a mess out of my hair but my head
was tingling with the touch of his
fingers and it felt so relaxing, I
didn't care. Lonnie came down my spine,
running his hand down between my back
and the chair back. He kneaded the soft
area over my kidneys, then down below my
waist as far as the chair would allow
him to reach.
His daddy would never have offered to
rub my back. In fact, Leon touched me
as little as possible. All the narrow
avenues of tenderness now seemed to be
blocked between us. I considered this
resentfully as Lonnie rubbed me; but
soon, I was lost in Lonnie's touch. I
must admit that the gentle contact of my
body with another human being, a human
being who loved me, was as stimulating
as it was relaxing.
Lonnie bent over and put his chin on my
shoulder, so that his cheek was beside
mine. I could feel the stubble from his
dark beard prickle my face. Now both
his hands were under on my upper
buttocks, just below where the crevice
started. Only my nightgown and panties
separated his hands from me. He turned
his right hand inward and I felt his
fingers feeling at the depression,
running them as far down as the chair
would allow. It felt heavenly, but at
the same time it felt wicked. I
wondered if that's why I liked it. I
turned my head and kissed his cheek and
ended the massage by saying, "That's
fine darling, I feel a hundred percent
better now!"
Pastor Hewlett, I knew, was a little
older than my husband. Yet, as the
weeks passed by, I noticed that his
energy and vitality seemed so much
higher than Leon's. His movements
around the office were quick and
deliberate, and unlike Leon, George
didn't sweat the small stuff.
He and his wife, Sandra, have been
married for 28 years. I hate to admit
it, but compared to my plodding pace and
phlegmatic personality, she is a dynamic
woman. She's lithe and trim, and
vivacious and seems to be interested in
everything. Once she and I were talking
about the passage of years and I
mentioned I'd put on twenty pounds since
I got married.
"Yes, we poor women tend to gain when
the children come, don't we?" Sandra
said.
I thought at the moment that she was
more condescending than sympathetic.
She knew as well as I did that I put
weight on easily and she didn't. She
knew how nice she looked. Sandra
dresses like a fashion model, but she
makes all her own clothes and she
doesn't spend a lot of money.
Then I felt guilty about being
resentful, and jealous. As elegant as
she was, she was just a poor Kentucky
girl too. Somehow, she had clawed her
way out of a hard-luck situation and had
become an elegant hostess and an ideal
companion for the pastor.
When she and George first moved to our
church, people were critical of her
relative non-involvement in church
affairs. But as time went on, we all
realized that Sandra preferred relating
to people on a personal basis. By
individual contact, she and George had
carved out a nice niche for themselves
among our people.
As time went on, my work improved, but
the pastor was still finding typos and
misspellings. I told him I'd do it
over, but he seemed a little
exasperated. He said, "Corrine don't
you ever use Spell-Check?"
"My goodness, I forgot about that!" I
said, immediately feeling dull and
oafish. Of course, Lonnie had shown me
something about Spell-Check, but I had
forgotten what it was called and even
how to operate it.
"Get up, Corrine, and let me sit there,"
George said.
I pivoted the secretary's chair and
stood up. George took my place and
began to show me how to operate the
Spell-Check. He was right, he was just
a hunter and pecker. I stood behind him
and watched. I tried to keep my eyes on
the screen and listen to George, but I
kept looking at the bald spot on his
head. It was a "Friar Tuck" bald spot, a
ring of hair all the way around,
including the front. George is quite
tall, even sitting in a chair. When he's
standing and I'm looking right at him, I
can't see the bald spot, but now,
sitting there in front of me, there it
was.
I had to force myself to keep my eyes
off his head, straining to concentrate
on his instruction. I bent over, really
close, while he was instructing me about
Spell-Check, and my breast accidentally
brushed his bald spot.
I was a bit embarrassed but, he didn't
seem to notice, and I wondered, didn't
he feel that? Surely he must have! His
voice droned on, but I wasn't paying
much attention anymore and I let myself
do something crazy that really
accelerated the changes in my life.
I felt reckless. These moments of wicked
giddiness had plagued me all of my life
and they were tickling at me at that
very moment. I thought of touching my
nipple against the smoothness of
George's bald spot.
Before I knew it, I was doing it. Fully
clothed though I was, I held my breast
to his bald spot and felt the flush
between my legs. I held it there,
daring the situation to explode. I
could feel his voice vibrating through
his head and into my breast and I was so
caught up in the moment, I felt nothing
but confusion when George said, "Now,
you click on the check-mark."
He turned to look at me pivoting his
head under, my breast, which slid off.
Of course, I straightened up
immediately. I must have looked as
strange as I felt, because he said,
"Corrine, are you OK?"
I told him yes, but of course I wasn't.
My vulva was sopping and in my confusion
I said, "My coon . . ."
George looked at me puzzled and said,
"Your coon?"
When I was a little girl and taking a
bath, Mama would always come into the
bathroom and say, "Don't forget to wash
your coon, sweetheart." When I asked
Mama why she used that word and she told
me her mother called "it" a "coon" and
it just got passed down to her and her
sister. I never knew anybody outside
my family who'd ever called it a "coon."
And now, having said to George, "My coon
. . ." and George having said to me,
"Your coon?" the whole scene struck me
so utterly funny, I needed to laugh,
badly.
I felt myself battling against it and I
supposed the struggle showed up on my
face, because George wrinkled his brow
and said, "Are you all right, Corrine?"
I said, "Yes, yes, George, I'll be all
right," but I had to take deep breaths
and hold my stomach tight or I surely
would have exploded in giggles.
George said, "You need to sit down,
Corrine, you look like you're about to
cry."
Well, the strangest thing happened then.
It reminds me of those funeral home
visitations where people are standing
around crying their eyes out for "daddy
over there in the casket." Then the
next the next minute, they're laughing
their heads off about something silly
that daddy did when they were all kids.
I thought I was about to laugh but when
George said I looked as though I might
cry, I cried. This was not merely the
fall of tears but deep wrenching sobs.
Maybe it was all those years of sadness
and anger finally catching up with me.
I don't know, but the incident had
pushed me over some emotional edge, and
I couldn't rescue myself. I felt I was
the most neglected, rejected and
otherwise contemptible woman in Ohio and
nobody could understand me.
George said "Corrine, Corrine, I'm
sorry, what's wrong?" and he stood up
took hold of my hands.
Well, it was only natural that I should
step forward and put my head on George's
shoulder and cry, but I couldn't manage
it. He was too tall, six-foot-four, and
my five-foot frame made it impossible.
All I could do was lay my face against
his closed underarm, which I did,
breathing in his spicy smell. And, it
was only natural that he should put his
arms around my shoulders, and pat my
back. Now, my breasts, rather large for
such a little lady, were bumping his
chest. Before I could stop, my hands
came up to press at his back. I felt the
hardness of his chest with my face.
Then my coon fell into creek.
George said, "Here, you sit down,
Corrine," and he maneuvered me over
toward the chair, but I wouldn't let go.
It felt really good to have a man in my
arms. I hadn't experienced that for
such a long long time. Finally he
pulled me loose, and sat me down. Then
he sat down on a chair across from me.
That's when I saw that Pastor Hewlett
had developed an erection, and it was
pooching out his suit pants. He tried
to hide it the best way he could by
crossing his legs, but I had seen it.
Weeping though I was, I was feeling
excited over this. It did nothing but
make me cry harder, for which I was
thankful, because it covered my reckless
titillation.
George allowed me to take some minutes
before calming down and when I did he
asked me, "Is everything OK at home,
Corrine?"
I told him truthfully, "No, not really."
My nose felt full and it muffled my
voice. George handed me a blue Kleenex
from a box on the desk and I took a
tissue and blew my nose. Again, I felt
as though I might start laughing,
hysterically.
He said, "You want to tell me about it?"
And he crossed his legs again.
So then, I thought about Sandra, his
wife. She has such pretty figure,
carries her weight so well. Then I
thought about myself, the congregational
cow, and I started crying again.
Through my tears I told George, "Well,
there doesn't seem to be much between
Leon and me anymore."
"Can you elaborate on that Corrine?"
"Well, George, I know what you see when
you see Leon. You see a fine upstanding
church member, one who's willing to come
down and work on the building and
grounds, take people to the hospital,
who gives ten percent of his income; but
you don't see the man I see."
"What man do you see, Corrine?"
"He's always fussing at me and putting
me down. He thinks I'm fat and lazy,
but I told him I wasn't lazy. I told
him I just didn't feel like doing all
the things he thinks I should do."
"You seem to be married to a very fine
man, Corrine. Leon is one of our most
active members," George said.
I was in no mood to hear how fine Leon
was. I said, "George, he may be an
active member but his member is not
active!"
I don't know what possessed me to say
such a thing. Anger, yes, but I'm not
normally so clever.
He said, "Could you explain that?" and
he folded his legs again.
"Well, we never have sek," I said.
I don't know why I said "sek" and not
"sex," but the word just didn't finish
itself up in my throat. I felt the
blood pumping behind my eyes.
George asked, "Does he have a problem?"
Then I said, "Yes, he does with me."
Then, of all things, I giggled.
George let me settle and asked, "Why do
you think that is?"
I tried to explain to him what it had
been like during the last several years,
but George didn't say much while I
talked. He just asked questions, so
that I could "clarify" for him.
Then George asked me if I loved Leon. I
didn't expect that question, and it made
me nervous. I was silent. I wanted to
run.
"Do you love him, Corrine?" he asked me
again. It seemed to me there was an
edge to his voice, as if he were really
saying, Corrine, how could you not love
this fine upstanding husband of yours
with all your heart and soul?
I looked down at my feet. Through my
tears I saw that they were stubby and
wide. I was wearing those ridiculous
purple loafers and they looked like two
eggplants. They felt good on my feet,
but they were sloppy and they made me
feel sloppy all over. I traced my eyes
down the calves of my legs and they
looked pudgy and thick. Then I looked
at my purple skirt and saw my thighs
straining against the fabric. I
couldn't even see my stomach because of
my two cow udders sticking out there for
the entire world to stare at. All I
could see were my stupid chunky thighs,
all sweaty and clamped up tight on my
poor little empty wet coon.
I said, "Fuck him! Fuck the son-of-a-
bitch." I looked George hard in the eye
when I said it. His eyes were wide with
fright and he was so pitiful looking I
said, "And fuck you too, George Hewlett!
Fuck you too!"
I got up and walked out on him. I
didn't notice how hard I was crying till
I got into my Dodge. When I pulled
away, I saw George through the glass
doors in the front of the church,
running down the hallway toward me,
waving and mouthing out, "Corrine!"
I drove toward home and after awhile I
wasn't crying anymore. When I pulled
into the drive, I saw that Lonnie was
home, having parked his old Wrangler at
the curb. I parked my Shadow over on
the left of the driveway as I usually
do, leaving Leon room to pull his pickup
past the Shadow and into the garage.
I got out and walked to the side,
unlocked it and went into the house.
Whenever I approached the side door, I
always thought about the piled up
basement, and under my breath I said,
"Fuck you Leon Deere!"
I walked through the kitchen, and down
the hall passed Lonnie's room, and he
was on the computer. He looked up and
said, "Hi" but I didn't even speak. I
knew if I did, I would begin crying
again. I just threw up a hand in
recognition that said, "Hi, but I don't
want to talk to you now."
I went into my bedroom and into my
bathroom and ran hot water into the tub.
I took off my clothes and started to
climb in. But I caught sight of myself
in the mirror.
I was plump, it was true, but I wasn't
obese. My breasts were a little
oversized, but I still had a waistline.
Baby Lonnie had made a few marks on my
rounded tummy, but I really didn't look
too bad. I pulled in my stomach and
gave myself a whole-body profile. Then
I turned my back to the mirror and
looked over my shoulder. It made me
wonder; between Leon and my own negative
feelings, had I felt myself into
ugliness? I pushed out my breasts and
gazed.
Well girl, I thought, maybe you haven't
lost it completely. You did give your
pastor a hard on.
I got into the tub and started to feel a
blessed kind of numbness seep into me.
I lay in the hot water for twenty
minutes. Then I got out of the tub with
steam rising from my body. I toweled
off and sprinkled some scented powder on
my body, and rubbed it lightly till my
pores took it in. The earlier stress
and the hot water had drained me of my
strength and I barely got a nylon slip
over my head. I padded toward the bed,
pulled back the covers and climbed in.
I turned toward the wall and pulled my
knees up into a fetal position, pulling
the sheet up over my hips. The sweet
drift toward sleep set in after only a
few minutes.
I woke suddenly, but lay still. I
sensed I had been asleep only a few
minutes and now had become aware of
another presence in my room. The bed
had dipped and a body had moved into the
bed behind me. He planted a large palm
on my hip and then became very still.
After awhile he patted my hip
affectionately and snuggled up very
close and moved his hand from my hip to
around my waist, pulling me tight
against him.
Of course, it was Lonnie, sensing that
something was amiss, not asking, just
offering himself for my comfort. His
hand began to move lightly over the thin
material against my navel. It felt good
to be held, the heat of the bath wearing
away, being replaced by a big warm male
body molding itself against me. Again,
a veil dropped over my consciousness,
but it was only a thin veil and I was
vaguely aware of what began to happen.
There were occasional squeezes in which
the whole surface of the front of
Lonnie's body touched the whole surface
of the back of mine. Apparently he had
slipped under the sheet with me, for I
felt the legs of his pants against my
bare calves. He was barefoot, because I
felt the top of his naked feet against
the bottoms of my feet. His feet were
large and the feel of them on my soles
was deliciously sensuous.
Again we lay still. I gradually became
conscious of concentration of pressure
at the lower juncture of my buttocks. I
knew it must be that Lonnie had
developed an erection. I wondered if he
were aware that I was aware. His penis
was pressing through his jeans, through
my slip and against my anus. His hand
was still over my navel and it was all I
could do not to make my consciousness
known. The feeling was absolutely
marvelous and a strange mixture between
the old and the new, the natural and the
unnatural began to stir. I thought of
my brother, Ralph.
I could not say precisely what it was we
were doing, since I had neither
acknowledged nor rejected his presence.
I think, as far as he knew, I was
asleep. I began to consciously breathe
slowly and deeply, trying to induce
sleep. Then after a long moment, I
squirmed, just a little, but it was a
squirm and I couldn't help it. It was
like holding a bite of chocolate candy
against my lips. I either had to pull
away and refuse it, or open my mouth.
I felt Lonnie pressing against my butt,
his denim bulge against the thin nylon
covering my ass. I tried to move as if
I were asleep and I put my hand over his
hand. Then his hand began moving
downward from my navel. His fingers
were now moving into my pubic hair, my
thin slip being the only barrier.
Suddenly, Lonnie groaned and thrust his
hips against me very hard, twice; then
he was still, breathing hard. I lay
unmoving, with my eyes closed and heard
his respiration slowly decrease from
fast to slow. Then he kissed the back
of my neck and got up and left the bed.
The smell of his semen was in the air.
I didn't see Lonnie for the rest of the
day and Leon was already in bed asleep
when Lonnie came back home that night,
evidently having been out with Abby.
The light was on in my room and he
knocked softly. I sat on the bed in my
pajamas, my scrapbook and cutting
equipment spread out in front of me.
"Come in," I called, my voice low.
Lonnie came in shyly and sat in a small
upholstered chair a few steps away from
my bed. I smiled at him, which seemed
to ease the tension on his face.
"Mom, I'm sorry," he said, shaking his
head.
"Sorry?" I said.
"You know, about this afternoon."
"What are you talking about Lonnie?
"Well, you know what happened when you
were lying down."
I don't know what you mean, hon. I went
to sleep when I got home and didn't wake
up till your Dad came home."
"But I disturbed you . . ."
"No, you didn't disturb me, darling. I
had a nice nap and felt better when I
woke up."
"But you . . ." He looked pleasingly
puzzled. "You didn't wake up?"
"Not that I know of, not till after
seven. I did hear a door slam after I
went to sleep, but if I woke at all, I
went right back to sleep afterward. No,
baby, you didn't disturb me."
The relief on his face was palpable.
"Well, good," he said. "I'm going to
bed."
"Kiss me nighty-night," I said, and
puckered my lips. He got up and came to
me and we smacked loudly, a maternal
kiss on the lips, if ever there was one.
When he closed the door behind him, I
quickly gathered my craft items from the
bed and sat them in the chair he had
occupied only minutes before. I pulled
back the covers, entered the bed and
turned out the bedside lamp. My hand
immediately went under my waistband and
onto my crotch where I masturbated until
I came. The male image in my mind kept
mysteriously shifting between Ralph, my
long dead brother, my son Lonnie and my
pastor, George Hewlett.
Sunday, at church, it was not surprising that
I felt very strange. Leon and I sat a couple
of rows back from Sandra Hewlett and I was
staring at her back. She was holding her
shoulders rigid, very square, really straight,
and her chin was up and she was looking
around, like she was the queen of the church.
I wondered what her posture would be if she
knew that I had been rubbing my breast up
against her husband's head last Friday.
When Pastor Hewlett got up to speak, my aura
of oddity increased. I had been hearing the
man preach every Sunday for several years, but
that day, I noticed details about his
mannerisms, posture and presence I had not
recognized before. He was very relaxed. He
moved slowly from the massive pulpit chair (I
thought of it as a throne) to the lectern. He
appeared to be a collection of long bones,
strung loosely together to form a human being.
Instead of standing behind the lectern, he
stood beside it, with his right hand resting
on its cornice. Both his elbows stood out in
sharp angles from his body. Because he was
high on the podium, and I was sitting low in
the pew, George looked even taller. I noticed
how his bushy eyebrows almost met, how they
jutted out over his eyes, casting them in a
mysterious shadow. If his mouth had not been
so full and relaxed I would have said his
cheeks looked sucked-in and hollow. A
prominent Adam's-apple bobbed as he spoke, a
faint Kentucky drawl pulled at his R's and
I's. Good Lord, I thought, it was Abraham
Lincoln with a bald head!
I reflected, perversely, that Sandra and I
were probably the only two women in the church
who'd ever seen George with a hard on! Before
the service was over, however, I felt guilty.
The whole scene in the church office on Friday
was at my instigation, conscious or
unconscious. If I had not gone into that
sexual fugue, I wouldn't be thinking these
weird thoughts. After all, all that George
did was react. He couldn't help it if the
proximity of a female body caused him to grow
erect. He may be a pastor, I thought, but
he's still a man. Besides, he tried to help
me, tried give me counsel. True, I had not
taken to the counsel, but that was because he
seemed to take sides with Leon, and I was in
no mood for that, but maybe that was a
counseling ploy of some sort.
And, why should I be catty toward Sandra? She
had nothing to be ashamed of. She's tall and
slender and pretty, and I was jealous, that's
the short of it. Of all people I should have
tender feelings toward, it should be my son's
future mother-in-law.
I looked over at Lonnie and Abby, who were
sitting at the far end of the same pew. Her
hand was on Lonnie's thigh and Lonnie had
covered her hand with his. There had been no
more mention of the Friday afternoon incident,
and I presumed all that was behind us. I
could almost make myself believe that it never
happened, and I was pretty sure Lonnie felt
the same way. But I couldn't forget that it
had begun as an act of compassion toward his
mother. He sensed I was in misery and though
he didn't know why, he felt sympathy. It had
just gotten out of hand and fortunately there
was no harm done.
As I sat there beside my husband, who was so
dull to all that was happening in my life, I
realized that it could be worse. I decided
then that I would be willing to be deprived of
anything, even a fulfilling marriage, if only
my boy could have what he needed in his life.
God being my helper, I prayed, I'd endure it
all.
After my blow-up on Friday, I guessed that
George was already wondering whom he could
hire as secretary. That whole scene had
embarrassed and shamed me terribly, and it was
all I could do to shake his and Sandra's hand
after church. She smiled at me and asked, "How
do you like your new job?"
I supposed then that George had not told her
I'd told him to go fuck himself. Remembering
that scene made me shut my eyes and shake my
head during the sermon. Now with my hand in
Sandra's I felt little and mean. I certainly
didn't want to tell her that I'd walked out on
the new job, not to mention my graphic
instruction to George. I knew I'd have to
explain if I told her and I wasn't up to that.
So I said, "Well, it's hard getting used to a
computer."
She smiled and said, "You just stick with
George, he'll show you what to do."
I didn't look at George. I just smiled and
looked at the floor.
I still had not told Leon I had quit. I knew
he'd think I'd dropped out because I just
couldn't do the job, just couldn't cut it. I'd
never hear the end of it, but Sunday came and
went, and I was too cowardly to tell Leon.
I got a big surprise on Monday afternoon.
Rev. Hewlett called and said he missed me at
work that morning.
I said, "Oh, I thought you'd know I wasn't
coming back. George, I'm ashamed about . . ."
"Now Corrine, I want you to forget about what
happened on Friday. We all say things that we
regret later. I know I've said things at
times that I shouldn't have, so don't feel
badly. What you need to do is come on back to
work. You're making too much progress to quit
now."
"Well . . ." I said, hesitant.
"Corrine, what you said and what I said is
between you and me and the good Lord, and it's
nobody else's business."
I was silent.
"Are you listening to me Corrine?" he asked.
"Yes, George, I'm listening, let me think."
"You don't have to think, just respond to a
loving request."
"Well, all right, George, I'll give it another
try, but you'll have to be patient with me."
"Corrine, dear, I will exercise the patience
of Job." At least I think he said "dear" and
not "Deere."
"And Corrine, that stuff about you and Leon?
You don't have to tell me a thing. But if you
want to talk, that's fine, and I'll help you
all I can, but it's up to you, OK?"
"OK, George. I'll be there in the morning."
"Good, so will I."
Monday Morning, 1:00 AM, I look up at the
clock. I need to go to bed. Leon and Lonnie
went to bed hours ago. I lay aside my
scrapbook, putting it all on a kitchen tray; I
slide it under my bed. I stand up and catch
sight of myself in the dresser mirror. I am
wearing my deep purple gown tonight, and I
draw near to the reflection because I look as
though I might have lost weight. On closer
inspection, I conclude it's only the
flattering dark color of my gown. My hair is
medium length and blonde. It's darker than it
used to be, just a shade lighter than light
brown. Tonight, it looks marvelous with my
purple gown. My cheekbones are high in spite
of my round face. My eyes are a pretty blue,
but there is a slight globe of softness just
behind my chin. I can detect every one of my
forty-five years in that face but I know if I
lost a few pounds, I'd look much better.
Still, I am not unpretty, and coming from a
self-hater, it surely must be true.
I open the door to my room and I can see
across the hallway that Lonnie's door is open
and I immediately turn off my light. There is
a glow in his room from a nightlight. I go to
the door and look in. Standing there, I
observe that Lonnie is restless. His body is
twitching. I conclude he must be having a bad
dream. I walk over to his bedside and see
that his covers are pulled up all the way to
his throat. I touch my knuckles to the side
of his neck for he is on his right side turned
toward the wall. My fingers come away, wet
with his sweat. With both my hands I take the
edge of the sheet and blanket and pull them
down to Lonnie's knees. I lean over him and
watch his beautiful hairy chest rising and
falling and observe that there are bald
patches above his nipple. He takes a deep
breath, evidently relieved from the stifling
blanket. His sweat is drying in the air and I
catch the smell, which is mixed heavily with
the scent of penis, clean but definitive. My
eyes travel down his body and I see that he is
wearing white boxer shorts and that an
enormous erection is straining at the opening
of his fly. I can see a bit of the white
veined skin in the glow of the nightlight.
Suddenly Lonnie turns on his back and he takes
a deep breath, then exhales through his mouth.
His penis breaks free of its mooring and slips
out into the air, rigid and angled back toward
his abdomen. It is enormous, thick and long,
like Ralph's was.
Lonnie's head is turned to the side and his
chin is thrown back, exposing his throat. His
jaw is slack and his breathing is full-
chested. He is sleeping deeply. I enclose his
penis lightly with my fingers and hold him.
My hand looks so small as I grip him, like a
girl's hand. The image is utterly erotic.
His cock is hot with engorged blood. I squeeze
it slowly and watch his eyes closely. I do it
a second time. He finally stirs and opens his
unfocused eyes, frightening me. I quickly let
go and move my hands down to the edge of the
sheet.
"Mom?" he says.
"Just covering you darling," I say hoarsely,
and I grip the sheet and pull it over him.
"Am I OK?" he asks strangely, obviously not
clear of the fogginess of sleep.
"You're just fine, Ralph. Go back to sleep."
I start to correct myself but I see that
Lonnie is already slumbering quietly, and I
say nothing.
I turn and go back to my bedroom, get
into bed but cannot get to sleep.
Beneath the covers, I spread open my
wetness with my moving fingers. My heart
is pounding and even with my eyes
closed, I can see the smooth beautifully
veined skin of my son's massive penis.
End of Part 2
Go to Part 3
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