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NNTP-Posting-Date: Thu, 26 Oct 2000 19:23:38 EDT
Subject: {ASSM} Hate (rape)
Date: Fri, 27 Oct 2000 00:10:06 -0400
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This story is based on truth.  Basically it is being written because of the
"Rape" stories out there.  This story has been written with the help of 25
women who all were raped.  These are not woman who are afraid of men now,
they aren't "frigid", they aren't even particularly bitter.  They are woman
who had something happen to them in their lives.  It made them who they are
today.  It isn't a highlight in their lives, but they have decided not to
turn their backs to it.  They have decided to embrace it and hopefully teach
others about rape.  They teach women how not to confuse rape with regret.
They teach men that rape is rape.  This is actually a 5 part series.  I
thought that it would be easier to break it into five parts.  I wanted each
woman to have her own story and I thought that all 5 in one shot may be too
much for anyone to handle.

As always, this is rather a mature subject matter and shouldn't be read by
those under 21 or 18 in their respectable jurisdiction.  (Although if a 16
year old boy reads this and thinks before he acts than I won't complain.)
This is my work.  It is based on factual events which have been used with
permission.  I will have no problem with this story being published at any
site within reason.  What does that mean?  Stick my name on it,k credit the
unnamed women, and tell me that you are doing it.  If I come across it on a
site that is using it as a stroke story, I will ask that you remove it.  It
is NOT a stroke story.  That said....



Hate


"As far as I'm concerned you can string him up by his balls and lash him
with barbed wire."

"Jackie, is that really a healthy thought?"

"Fuck yes, it makes me feel damn good to think of him like that."

"Jackie, I'm sensing a lot of anger in you.  Let's work on that."

"Fuck no.  I am angry.  I'm fucking angry and I happen to like myself this
way."

"Jackie, anger isn't good."

"Fuck you"


***********

Five women sit around a table scattered with two empty bottles of Murphy
Goode sauvignon blanc and another bottle looking to join its brethren.  A
waiter looks over to them periodically to see if they have looked at their
menus yet, but this group appears to be having a liquid lunch.

The wine numbs them.  They don't taste each glass they drink, they don't
even enjoy it, what they do revel in is the lack of thoughts the wine allows
them.

Laura waves to the waiter and mouths "check please".  She finishes her glass
and pours herself yet another one and then tops off the glasses to either
side before letting the bottle join the other empties.  The women haven't
spoken to one another since sitting down.  They have been drinking in
silence together for the past hour, but the time for being silent has ended.
At least for the next 2 hours.

***********

They sit on cheap folding chairs.  Jackie is staring out the window looking
at the brick building across the street.  She is jarred by a voice that
brings her back to the group.

"Did you really tell your shrink to fuck off?" Sarah asks her with awe.

"Hmmm?" Jackie looks around the group seeking the questioner. "Yeah.  I
figured I was paying her and she should be telling me what I want to hear,
at least for the first few times."

"Isn't it remarkable how they all pin down your anger?"

Nobody answers Laura's question.  It's one that doesn't need to be.

Marie lights up a cigarette and takes a long drag.  She holds it between her
thumb and forefinger, staring at the ember.  "I have fantasies.  I find him,
and place the cherry on his dick.  I listen to him scream and beg and then
burn his nipples.  I am about to shove it in his ass when the police come
and drag m away.  They call me a sick bitch and just laugh when I tell them
he raped me and did the same to me."

"I was babysitting for a family friend.  She came home early and we had some
wine.  Teri told me that she was raped in college."

Laura smiles at Jackie, "There are lots of us out there.  We just don't all
admit to it unless there are others like us around."

Chris looks around the group.  She looks at the faces.  She sees eyes that
are red with the lack of sleep.  Lips that are drawn and taught.  All of
these women take one day off a month for this.  Some are mothers, some work.
All lead normal lives.  If any of their friends knew that they were victims
of rape they wouldn't believe it.  Victims of rape aren't you neighbor, or
boss.  They aren't the ones who get on with their lives.  The hate men and
lock themselves up in their own worlds.  "I read in some book, somewhere,
that we should write down what happened to us.  We should write it down then
burn it."

"I don't want to burn it.  I'll write it, but I won't burn it.  it doesn't
just go away."  Jackie reaches over and steals a cigarette from Marie.

Marie looks at Jackie, "I won't burn mine either."  She looks at the others
and smirks, "I'll just take my cigarette to strategic parts."

The others snicker.  No one says so, but it's time to leave.  They put on
their coats and smile at one another before walking out the door.  They
won't see one another for another month.  No one voices their fear, but they
are all thinking the same thing.  Is a month enough time to write down
everything?


***********

Amy was in the room with her boyfriend.  No one wants to sleep in the same
room, hearing all cute crap  they say to one another, and no one wants to
hear to noises that are sure to follow.  Jackie makes her way up to the
third floor of the dorm and knocks on Tara's door.  Jan is at her
boyfriend's and there's a spare bed in the room.

Tara answers the door in a night shirt and a mask on her face.  "Amy and
Jake are at it again?"

Jackie nods her head and moves into the room.  The girls talk for a bit
about the night.  They had gone to a local bar for Halloween and had dressed
up.  Jackie had gone as a devil, but was too shy to wear the costume on it's
own, so she had worn a cape to cover it.  She was also the designated
driver.  She hadn't had anything to drink the entire night, but for a few
cokes.  Tara had a few drinks, but wasn't a big drinker.  They spent an hour
or so, talking about the others and how drunk they were.

"I guess wearing a costume gives you the chance to let loose."

"And make an ass of yourself too."  Jackie added.

They were drifting off to sleep when the phone rang.  Tara picked it up.
After the phone call she woke Jackie up enough to tell her that  Jan had an
argument with her boyfriend and she needed to go and comfort her.  The last
thing Jackie remembers is Tara asking her if she should lock the door on her
way out.  Jackie told her not to worry about it.

Jackie woke up suddenly.  She couldn't lift her chest to fill her lungs.
There was a weight on top.  She opened her eyes and looked into the face of
her friend.  Scott had been a friend of hers since school started.  They
hung out together.  Jackie had helped Scott in some of his science classes,
and Scott had helped Jackie in her film class.

"Scott, what's wrong."  She was cut off by his hand over her mouth.

"Make a noise and I will hurt you." He lifted her hands over her head and
pinned them there with one hand.  His other hand ripped her t-shirt away and
tore her panties off.  Jackie closed her eyes.  For eight years she would
erase the next events from her memory.  Certain clues would remind of
things, like smells or images, but for several years she chose not to
remember things.  Perhaps her subconscious knew that she didn't need to
remember right away.

For a long time her next memory was of Tara finding her in the shower.
Jackie was curled up in a ball in the corner.  The next memory which came
was of the door closing and Scott's hand on the knob.  That memory existed
for a few years.  She liked it that way.  She wasn't ready and her mind
realized that.  2 years ago, she started a relationship with a wonderful
man.  He had a past that would make you cry.  Abusive custodians, and an
abusive system wrecked havoc on this man, but he survived.  His survival
made Jackie realize she too could survive.  It was then that her memory
filled in.  The spaces that were previously vacant were now filled.

Scott bit her breasts until they were a bloody pulp.  She still has some
scars that remain.  He slapped her several times for not responding to him.
Scott was past the point of having fun with her, he wanted what he came for.
Cruelly he slapped her labia and pinched at her clitoris.  She lay there,
looking out the window.  She doesn't know what she focused on.  She didn't
feel the tears run down her cheeks.

Scott stabbed his fingers into her vagina, it was a forceful assault, but it
ended as soon as it began.  She slapped her again, and placed his teeth
around her left nipple.  He bit down hard as he forced himself into her.
Jackie still stared out the window, she felt nothing, she was numb.  He
ejaculated inside of her almost as soon as he entered her.  For that, her
right nipple was bit until blood was drawn and her eye was blackened.

Scott wiped his penis on her face, leaving a trail of blood and semen along
her cheek.  He dressed and then walked over to the bed.  He looked down at
her and spit on her.  Saliva dripped from her nose, lips and chin.  Jackie
didn't know how long he was there.  It could have been a few minutes or it
could have been several.  It didn't matter.  He did what he had come to do.

She lay in bed for a while longer, staring at the door he had just walked
through.  Time passed and she ignored it.  Jackie slowly stood up and walked
to the bathroom.  Her shirt was still around her arms, but the panties were
in the bed.  She went to the shower and turned it on as hot as possible.
Long since her skin had been scalded and the water had turned cold, she was
curled up in ball in the corner.  A full shampoo bottle was empty and a bar
of soap had been washed down to a sliver.  Her skin was read an raw, but the
evidence of the brutal assault still marked her body.

Tara found her and wrapped her in a towel and bathrobe.  She brought Jackie
to her room.  She put her in her own bed, and quickly stripped the bed.  The
sheets were in a tight ball, but blood and semen stains were visible.  She
made some tea and spiked it with brandy and the forced it down Jackie's
throat.  Jackie heaved and vomited into a garbage pail, but finally managed
to keep to cups down.

Tara called the police and then school safety.  The police were
understanding, but could do nothing, unless she wanted to press charges on
assault.  Rape was hard enough to prove when the victim didn't take a
shower.  The school safety was another story.  They didn't want her to press
charges.  They wanted her to do nothing.  The police filed a report for
records.  It would only be useful if he did it again.  They forced the
school to keep a copy in their files as well.  The report will stay with the
police indefinitely, but will only be helpful if Scott rapes another woman
in the same town.

Jackie's life ended at that point.  She dropped out of school, went from job
to job, and abusive relationship to abusive relationship.

It is almost 9 years later that she is just beginning to get her life back
in order.

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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